#i swear i have never touched mdzs before now in my LIFE

[robininthelabyrinth]

Prompt: someone of the (good-ish) mdzs cast is a serial killer. Why? Who else knows? Could be modern au, could be canon verse

Serial Killer - ao3

“So what are you going to do about it, Xichen?” Jin Guangyao heard Nie Mingjue demanding, and paused, tilting his head to the side to listen rather than proceeding to enter the room.

Nie Mingjue had gotten increasingly irascible as of late, no doubt in large part to the growing influence of the Song of Turmoil that he’d been playing for him, and much of his ire was (correctly, although unknowingly) aimed at Jin Guangyao. Most of the time, given Nie Mingjue’s straightforward nature, it was directly aimed at him, rather than through an indirect method, such as trying to convince Lan Xichen to turn away from him – and yet that was a method that Jin Guangyao was far more concerned about, given that Nie Mingjue had the benefit of a very old friendship with Lan Xichen that could be used to his benefit, if only he were a little less blockheaded about manipulating people.

Jin Guangyao absolutely refused to lose Lan Xichen, delighting as he did in the man’s faith and trust and benefiting from his influence and repeated interventions on his behalf; as a result, he would treat any such attempts by Nie Mingjue to drive a wedge between them very seriously. It therefore would be better to stay outside and listen, to figure out what argument Nie Mingjue was using and design appropriate countermeasures – to convince Lan Xichen that Nie Mingjue was, as usual, making a fuss when there was no reason, and that it was safe to simply ignore him or downplay his concerns.

Lan Xichen would believe him, as he always did, and never realize that he was helping push Nie Mingjue along the road to ruin – or indeed realize that he was pivotal to Jin Guangyao’s plan. Without Lan Xichen to support Jin Guangyao and make Nie Mingjue mistrust his own instincts, it would be much harder to isolate him from the few people he was willing to turn to for help, subtly influencing him not to believe his own symptoms, to doubt himself…to not realize what Jin Guangyao was doing to him.

“Da-ge…”

“Don’t da-ge me! He’s killing people!”

Jin Guangyao tensed.

How had Nie Mingjue discovered that?

Jin Guangyao had taken every precaution, going to great lengths to misdirect attention and cover up those deaths, whether it be the clans he’d fed into Xue Yang’s noxious experiments or else the ones he’d just had quietly executed somewhere no one would notice because they represented a threat to the rising power of the Jin sect. He’d known, of course, that he’d be held responsible for those deaths if anyone ever found out, there was no doubt that he would scapegoated by his father in that case, but he knew that it was especially dangerous to him if the person who discovered the truth was Nie Mingjue. Sure, he had his excuses ready in the event that Lan Xichen ever heard about it and found some evidence – he had a plan: to first deny convincingly, and then if that didn’t work, deny increasingly unconvincingly, and finally ‘give in’ and confess that he’d been driven to it by his father, that he’d been under duress, the sort of thing that Lan Xichen would happily swallow rather than believe that he’d been so fundamentally mistaken about Jin Guangyao.

Nie Mingjue, though – he’d been concerned that if Nie Mingjue ever found out about it, even the rumor of it without any evidence, he wouldn’t bother waiting for Jin Guangyao to explain or to blame his father. No, that brute would rather just take his saber and come and execute him on the steps of Jinlin Tower, if that was what it took to satisfy justice in his own mind, and never mind the consequences or costs. That Nie Mingjue would likely commit an honorable suicide thereafter for having misjudged and then executed his sworn brother was not, in fact, anywhere near as comforting as Nie Mingjue might think it was.

If anything, Nie Mingjue going to Lan Xichen with his concerns first was highly unexpected.

Jin Guangyao hated the unexpected.

“Da-ge, please, calm down,” Lan Xichen said, and his voice was – oddly calm, really. Jin Guangyao would have expected him to be a little more agitated, a little more demanding for details…was Lan Xichen’s faith in him really so strong? “Think this through before you do anything rash.”

“Rash!” Nie Mingjue fumed. “Rash..! Xichen, really.”

“You know he’s a good person,” Lan Xichen insisted, and Jin Guangyao smiled. “He has always meant well, strived to do good, regardless of whether it was commonly accepted – even you have to admit it.”

“I don’t have to admit anything,” Nie Mingjue grumbled, but Jin Guangyao could hear the rage dying down to something more of a simmer, rather than a roaring boil. Truly only Lan Xichen had such remarkable abilities, soothing the fierce beast with nothing but his presence and voice, no magic songs required – even Jin Guangyao found himself soothed by his presence.

There was a reason he wouldn’t give him up.

“You’ve known him for years, da-ge,” Lan Xichen said, voice soft, convincing, persuasive. Jin Guangyao didn’t have to be inside the room to imagine the scene he would see: Lan Xichen would be leaning forward, the slightest curve adding softness to the rigid posture required of Lan sect disciples, his eyes curved in a smile, his head a little dropped so that he could look up at Nie Mingjue with an expression of cheerfulness livened by a touch of mischief – full of charm, the way the women in the brothel practiced all day to do, but superior to any of their petty tricks. Lan Xichen was pure as a breath of fresh air in the lonely mountaintop, a benevolent god above the concerns of the world and yet determined to reach out his hands down to the needy – truly it was no wonder that Jin Guangyao was determined to take all that benevolence and joy and keep it all to himself. “For years, da-ge. And more than that, you know how hard he’s had it – how hard things have been, how much he’s suffered, all those things that other people don’t understand. You know that even when he’s strayed and been confused, he’s always returned back to the right way of doing things in the end.”

Nie Mingjue sighed, a great exhalation of breath.

“I suppose you’re right,” he conceded, and Jin Guangyao felt the sharp taste of joy on his tongue – there were few feelings in the world so great as this, to have started with nothing and risen so far, to have so thoroughly deceived these men, even Nie Mingjue who ought to know better after having seen him. “And yet, I can’t help but worry – this doesn’t seem like the rest of it. Isn’t he going too far this time?”

“Da-ge, if you have concerns, why not raise them with him directly?” Lan Xichen suggested, and Jin Guangyao nodded in approval. If Nie Mingjue came to him first with any concerns, he would be able to devise the appropriate response to those concerns – whether it was through coming up with some method of assuaging the concerns or in preemptively eliminated whoever had raised them, that was his business. Either way, it would be much easier to take action when he had prior warning, whereas some sort of unexpected public confrontation would be much more difficult to deal with.

“I don’t know, Xichen. You know he doesn’t listen to me.”

“That’s not true! Your opinion means so much to him – he’s always admired you, looked up to you. He wants you to approve of him.”

That was nonsense, of course. Jin Guangyao hadn’t cared one whit for Nie Mingjue’s opinion of him since the day the man had lost his usefulness – the Nie sect had been a necessary hurdle for him, the only Great Sect that allowed for promotion purely on the basis of merit without a thousand and one other rules, and Nie Mingjue himself was known to promote men quickly if they had skills he could use. Jin Guangyao had needed that back then, when he’d had nothing, and he’d been able to parlay it into additional use in the future: first, by getting Nie Mingjue’s recommendation letter to enter the Jin sect troops, although that hadn’t ended up working out, and then later, by using it to leverage himself a position with the Wen sect, courtesy of Wen Ruohan’s strange fixation on the Nie sect leader.

Would he like Nie Mingjue’s good opinion? Certainly, especially after he’d traded his somewhat dubious claim to a life-debt for Nie Mingjue swearing brotherhood with him; it would be extremely helpful if Nie Mingjue would support him the way Lan Xichen did. But since it didn’t seem likely that he’d be able to get on Nie Mingjue’s good side again, there was no point in expecting anything further from the man.

Well, no, that was wrong. He also expected great things from Nie Mingjue’s upcoming death, which would tally in quite nicely with many of his plans for domination in the cultivation world.

“I’d like to approve of him,” Nie Mingjue said. “I really would, Xichen, you know that. He’s smart and he’s capable and he has so much potential for goodness – I greatly admire him, really, I do. I would even go so far as to say that there are things for which I would trust his word over the evidence of my own eyes.”

Jin Guangyao couldn’t help but preen a little.

What an idiot, he thought, smiling. Truly there was nothing in that man’s brain but saber, and everything else had long ago rotted away – the Song of Turmoil boiling him alive until he was pickled with rage, leaving nothing else behind. Certainly not any critical thinking skills.

That final qi deviation must not be far away, now.

“But at the same time,” Nie Mingjue continued, presumably that last bit of self-preservation instinct trying to ring the alarms. “At the same time, I really do think that this is different in kind. It’s literally murder, Xichen. He’s murdering people. Not just killing, the way you do in wartime – actual murder. Premeditated, pre-planned murder. How can you just look away from that?”

Lan Xichen was quiet for a long moment, and Jin Guangyao tensed a little, his head tilting towards the door, awaiting the answer with both anticipation and fear.

“I think it’s a little more complicated than that,” he finally said, and Jin Guangyao’s eyebrows arched a little in surprise and wholly unanticipated pleasure. “It’s not just his actions that I look at, but those that died, too – we killed many people during the war, da-ge, didn’t we? Not all of whom had done evil against us, but who had to go because of the evil they represented…”

“Xichen!” Nie Mingjue cried, and for once Jin Guangyao couldn’t help but side with his reaction, his shock. “Are you suggesting that the victims deserved it?”

“Is that really so hard to believe?” Lan Xichen asked. Jin Guangyao had to admit that he was deeply impressed – he wouldn’t have thought Lan Xichen, the perfect gentleman, would have had it in him to side with him quite so deeply as that. “I’m with you, Mingjue-xiong. I’d believe him over even myself in just about every case – every time I’ve questioned what he was doing, he explained, and when he explained, I understood. It isn’t as black and white as all that.”

“I mean…I guess,” Nie Mingjue said, still sounding shocked and a little appalled. “But murder – so many murders…Xichen, are you sure it’s not some sort of qi deviation, something that gives him pleasure in taking lives? Are you sure each one is justified?”

“Those are two separate questions,” Lan Xichen said delicately. “I do think he takes pleasure in the act, and although I don’t understand it myself, I can understand that it helps him deal with…everything, really. Everything that’s happened to him. The tragedy, the senselessness of it…maybe it helps him feel better about it, helps comfort him. Maybe it’s some sort of sense that he’s evening the scales, perhaps? Some overall karmic balance?”

Jin Guangyao nodded along. He could certainly see Lan Xichen talking himself into believing something like that, and who knew? Maybe it was even a little true. He certainly enjoyed taking out the trash that had seen itself as above him, enjoyed stamping their lives into the mud – he wouldn’t have done it if it wasn’t a necessity, a part of his power play, and he wouldn’t have described himself as taking pleasure in it, but at the same time, he certainly didn’t regret any of it. If it made Lan Xichen feel better to think that he had some sort of complex psychology driving his actions, well, so be it.

As long as he continued to support him.

“But as for whether it’s justified…” Lan Xichen sighed. “I’m not perfect at telling good from evil, Mingjue-xiong, and neither are you. No one is. Wouldn’t you agree?”

Nie Mingjue grunted. It almost sounded as if he really were agreeing.

Was Lan Xichen really convincing Nie Mingjue that Jin Guangyao ought to be allowed to murder people with impunity as long as he came up with a good enough reason for it in advance? How delightful.

Jin Guangyao couldn’t help but wonder – although he’d never actually take the risk of it – whether he could convince Lan Xichen that Nie Mingjue’s death, too, had been justified. It was an amusing enough thought to make him genuinely smile, a smile full of all the bloodthirstiness he normally kept hidden deep down: truly, if he had his choice in the matter, he’d love to see Nie Mingjue’s expression if he ever found out what Jin Guangyao was doing to him, ideally once it was too late for him to do anything about it or alert anyone to what was happening.

Maybe, if Jin Guangyao could arrange to be there to push him over the edge, he might even get to see it.

Maybe he’d even remind him of this little conversation, and ask if he found his own murder justified.

“All right, then,” Nie Mingjue finally said, exhaling slowly, and Jin Guangyao bit his lips to keep from laughing out loud. “I see what you mean, and…yes, I suppose you’re right, Xichen. I may not understand all the motives behind the murders, and I may not like the idea of just – trusting that he knows what he’s doing in killing them, but at the same time…”

He sighed.

“At the same time, I can’t disagree that if there’s one person I trust to have a good reason to kill someone in some deserted place for their undiscovered wrongdoings, it would be Wangji.”

Jin Guangyao’s smile faded away.

Lan Wangji?

What in the world were they talking about? How had Lan Wangji entered into it?

It wasn’t as if Lan Wangji were going around randomly killing people for, what, sport – killing them, and then justifying their deaths as having been deserved because they had supposedly done bad things –

A hand fell on Jin Guangyao’s shoulder, and he jumped a little, surprised: he hadn’t realized that anyone else was there with him in the deserted hallway or seen them come up behind him, much less close enough to touch.

He turned around: it was Lan Wangji himself, pale-faced and miserable the way he’d looked since the Massacre at the Nightless City, since he’d missed the Siege of the Burial Mounds on account of being confined – miserable, but upright, hale and hearty and righteous as always, his eyes bright with passion that verged on obsession.

He had his sword in his hand.

It was unsheathed.

“Wait,” Jin Guangyao said, taking a step back, his eyes going wide as he realized something. Surely he didn’t mean to – surely they hadn’t really meant – surely not – “Wait, Wangji, don’t..!”

[disasterbialert]

So, I finished The Untamed and ok ok I think I have collected most of my thoughts about it. (I’m late, so I guess these thoughts don’t really matter, but I wanted to put them somewhere and here seemed like the place.) SO here’s a post absolutely NO ONE WANTS and imma do it anyway cool cool.

Firstly: love. This entire show is about love. Obviously other things too ok I’m simplifying for the sake of my point. But importantly it is about love. The love for our families, found, made and blood. The love of soulmates, romantic and platonic. The love of humanity, of the people known and unknown, love for them purely because they are human and are therefore deserving of love. The love inherent in honour and duty, the sacrifices made for that love. Loving someone—bravely, in the face of every adversity, despite being told it’s wrong. Learning to be true to that love, learning to love faithfully, learning to love, to show love, to be loved.

Bless the tireless translators. Y’all. The work you do is often thankless but y’all are so valued. Thank you.

The music. I actually don’t have the words for this, I can only thank the composers and musicians for the gifts they have blessed us with. My heart my heart my heart.

The costumes, set, props and cinematography are all so exquisite. I’m not an expert in any of these fields but I can see the care and detail paid to each facet of this show. What an absolute visual joy. Stunning.

And now, the characters.

I’ll start with the ladies. They deserved so much more. We deserved to have more than just one by the end, but I understand this wasn’t their story (still hurts tho).

Jiang Yanli. Proof that kindness is powerful. Her heart holds entire worlds. She is not weak (don’t even try me I swear to the gods). She holds her family together. She takes care of her siblings. She feeds their bodies and their souls. WWX is right—JZX does not deserve her but that’s because nobody does. But Jiang Yanli deserves to be happy, therefore her marriage to the Flower Peacock is valid purely bc it makes her happy. She stands up for what’s right, she will not compromise her morals, she will defend her family to her last breath (and so she does💔). She does not harden herself, she does not have to. Her patience and kindness, her softness, her gentleness—things that are seen as weaknesses or inferiorities—are what put her above all around her. She is gracious, she is strong, she is loving, she is determined, she is brave. She deserved better.

Wen Qing. A queen. A powerhouse. The most brilliant mind. A lightning-quick and sharp-bladed tongue. She loves Wen Ning so much and her love is powerful, just as Jiang Yanli’s. Her dedication and devotion to her people, her true family, not just a name, is incredible, inspiring. Why? Because she’s not perfect. So she learns. She grows. She becomes herself. When she’s at the Burial Mounds, she essentially adopts WWX as another younger brother, caring for him because she knows he won’t care for himself, and she does so out of love and respect. But she never replaces Jiang Yanli. She is keenly aware of all she perceives WWX loses because he aids them. Hence the pivotal, crucial: I’m sorry and thank you. She walks to what she knows is her own death with her head held high and her hand in her brother’s, offering love and support and what protection she can to the end. She does not flinch. She does not bow. She fights with all of her and surrenders with grace not reflected by those she surrenders to. Honestly I could write an entire thesis on Wen Qing but I’ll cry too hard so I’ll just leave it here that she deserved better, she deserved to live, she deserved to be free.

Mian Mian. Mian motherfucking Mian. Here is a woman who stares injustice full in the face and says no fucking way, says over my dead body, says you and what army old man. Strips the robes of the hypocritical off her own damn body, throws them at the feet of a false god and walks out, back straight, head held high. She makes her own way in the world, carves out her own life, finds love and happiness and lives. She does not compromise. She does not bow. She fights and she wins and she is glorious. And she lives she lives she lives.

Yu ZiYuan. I may be in the minority here but that’s ok. No I don’t approve of her abuse, just gonna nip that one in the bud right out of the gate. Was she fair? No. Was she cruel? Yes. Was she an incredible fighter who fought for her family, for her home? Who showed raw courage and furious strength in the face of insurmountable odds? Who loved a man with her whole bitter heart, loved her children with that same fractured heart? Was clearly the subject of spiteful rumour and vicious gossip and did not let it defeat her? Refused to bow to anyone? I do not like her, do not like how her bitterness made her cruel. But seeing her wield her blade, take wound after wound, witness the death of her love, then take her own blade and rob the monsters invading her home of the satisfaction of taking her life, took her own life with her own hands because that’s how she did everything in her life so why the fuck wouldn’t she do it in death too, who crawled her way to the man she loved, laced their fingers together so he wouldn’t die alone, so they could both die held? How can I not respect her.

Ok. The lads.

Jiang Cheng is a man-child idiot with the emotional expression range of a loquat, an inferiority complex the size of the moon and self-worth issues going back farther than the Big Bang, and I love him, ok? He loves so hard and so much and it is heartwrenching that he cannot communicate that. Some of his best moments are actually in the background, which is both funny and terribly sad. His rage is at times ridiculous, at times frustrating, at times all he has left, his joy is bright but brief, his grief is devastating. Watching JY greet WWX after the 3 months in the Burial Mounds. The entire temple scene. Crying on his knees. We were to be the Heroes of Yunmeng. Take care. Fuck me right in my feelings ok.

Wen Ning is so fucking precious and I would die for him for all eternity. What an absolute gift his character is. I honestly can’t write much more about him because I’ll cry. But special mentions to his interactions with A-Yuan/Lan SiZhui and the incredible scene where he reveals to Jiang Cheng the truth about his/WWX’s golden core. Unparalleled emotional intensity. The equal parts tenderness and fierceness of his love is breathtaking.

And the loves.

Song Lan and Xiao Xingchen. There is a lot of tragedy in The Untamed. There is great sadness in the main plot line and even in the small side plots. The Ballad of Song Lan and Xian Xingchen (as it’s come to be known in my head) is for me the most devastating and poignant. They just wanted to do good, to wander the world together and do their part to make it a better and safer place. It’s noble, yes, but it’s also so human, so close to home. Because we all want that, to know that we can do some good before we leave this world. They do not want to be involved in the petty squabbles, the undignified and cruel vying for power and dominance. They simply want to live and be. The fact that both of their deaths are pointless, could have been avoided, are the faults of poor timing and terrible terrible luck and cruel turns fate is almost what makes it sadder. Xue Yang screams that XXC is not better than him, that his righteousness and the righteous way he has attempted to live his life is all for naught. And then he is immediately proven wrong—XXC’s heartbreak means he can’t become XY’s puppet. SL is free from XY’s control and avenges himself and XXC. Which is also somehow just as devastating. That XXC and SL were so close, so very close to being together, to living, to making it, but didn’t. Nothing grand or heroic about their deaths—just the unknown and unpredictable nature of life. There is no rhyme or reason, no big important plan, no fate or destiny. They both simply die as we all one day will. And it is their potential cut short, the love and life they could’ve had, that hurts the most. They are not Lan Zhan and Wei Ying: they do not get their second chance, their reunion, their happily ever after. The look shared between SL and LWJ—the shared grief, the recognition, the understanding—and LWJ’s brief and unelaborated-on comment to WWX ‘how fortunate’ speaks volumes. How fortunate you came back/I found you/that’s not us when it could’ve been. That final shot of SL walking away and the brief out-of-focus moment of XXC walking beside him—particularly when it’s echoed with the parallel of WWX and LWJ—chokes me every time.

Wei Ying and Lan Zhan. Soulmates in every sense of the word. Their song. Their bunnies. Their child. The years they were robbed of. The yearning. The pining. The loyalty. The growth. The love the love the love. The loss the loss the loss. Every Lan Zhan. Every Wei Ying. Every glance. Every soft breath. Every gentle touch. The tenderness. The intimacy. The quiet acceptance. Their love story is one of the ages and, on a personal note as a queer person, what a gift it is to see a queer love story like this. (even when censored as a bromance, which like I mean, they tried but the glances alone are +9000 gay pining but whatever and yes I am making a joke because I’m crying don’t look at me)

TL;DR: I am so thankful The Untamed/CQL/MDZS and all of its adaptations (the source material included obvs) exists. I am so thankful to the writers, translators, casts, crews, creators. I am thankful for the community of fans that exist that love it as I do, who share that love and passion—whether through passionate discussion, rich fanfic or mind-blowing fanart. I am thankful I live in a time where content like this exists and can be shared. I learned a whole lot and I’m so grateful there aren’t even words. Love y’all. I’m gonna go be soft now. 💙

[bookdancerfics]

Bookdancer's Writing Updates

hey so it's currently been a bit since i last posted or updated anything (according to ao3, the last time i did so was late february), so i thought i'd just give a list of what i've been working on

fics i've actively been working on and adding words to:

The West Wind Comes Walking

Lord of the Rings, gen

Summary: Boromir wakes up where he died. There’s still blood on his tunic, and holes where the arrows pierced him, and an echo of the oath he bore for Aragorn in his last moments… an oath he swears to uphold even in death.

currently less than 3k words but i don't expect it to be a very long fic, anyway. i'm just kind of daunted by what i want to write and worried that i won't do it justice

yes the title is from the "Lament for Boromir"

working title 1

Haikyuu!!, gen

no official summary yet, but it's a social media AU that covers the 2020 summer olympics mostly from the eyes of fans and reporters

yes i have been working on this since before 2020. no i am not changing anything now that the actual olympics are almost here and i'll probably finish the fic after them

this fic has 5.5k+ words and i still have a ways to go; it's taking a bit bc as fun as making a social media AU is, it also gets fairly repetitive at times and i'm trying to make it not do that

this is us trying, aka JZX+MNMN Bromance the Fic

MDZS / The Untamed, gen

Summary: 5 times Jin Zixuan and Mianmian have each other’s back, and the 2 times they don’t.

only 2k words right now, but i've finished 3/7 sections so we're further along than the word count suggests. i may also expand one or two of the sections, we'll see

title is from Taylor Swift's song of the same title bc i adore it

fics i should really finish at some point bc i already started them:

carry me into the flames (and set my heart on fire)

Spider-man & the Fantastic Four, Spideytorch AU.

Summary: Johnny is the only one to return from space without powers, but none of his teammates understand why it bothers him so much. The only one who even tries to understand is the weird new superhero who runs around with spider powers, swings by the Baxter Building for impromptu gaming sessions, and catches Johnny when he falls — figuratively and literally. And then Dr. Doom attacks while the Terrific Three are on mission, and Johnny’s whole life goes to hell in a very flammable hand basket.

i've had the beginning of this written for forever now and i'd really like to finish it at some point

Dear Mondays

MDZS / The Untamed, Wangxian modern day college AU

Summary: Lan Zhan’s new work lands him his own desk, or at least it’s his own until a second student joins the office. Lan Zhan works Mondays and Wednesdays, Wei Wuxian Tuesdays and Thursdays. They never see each other, so all Lan Zhan knows of the other boy is that he’s perpetually messy, enjoys making paper clip strings out of their shared office supplies, and has an incredible gift for making the sharpies run out of ink. Then he gets the brilliant idea to start leaving Lan Zhan notes, and Lan Zhan… well it would be rude to not write back, wouldn’t it?

i started this forever ago, have 3.5k+ words written already, actually really like what i have finished, and yet haven't touched it in months. i blame the fact that Jin Zixuan wanted to be my one and only favorite MDZS character

Liven My Body

The Hobbit, gen, Groundhog Day AU

no official summary yet, just "Bookdancer attempts to whump every dwarf who ever existed". but basically during the Battle of Five Armies, Kíli's battle restarts every time Fíli dies. the fic actually extends far beyond the actual "groundhog day," exploring the consequences and rewards of what happens

we're at almost 14k words, it's still not finished, i started it back in 2015 and no i'm not kidding but i wish i was. please let it end

fics i haven't started but do want to write

working title 2

Harry Potter, Draco-centric. possibly Drarry, possibly gen, 100% the redemption arc Draco deserved

Summary: In their 6th year, Hermione takes the boy who would annoy Ron most to Slughorn’s party—this boy is not Cormac McLaggen. Aka Draco gets a totally legitimate invitation into Harry’s group that he won’t take advantage of at all. The result is change—not of everything, but some things. The important things.

i have this fic planned out more extensively than most fics i write and yet i have still not written a single word for the actual fic

learning to love the pain

911 on Fox, gen from Eddie's POV but Buck-centric, checking vital signs pt. 4

i have a summary but no confirmation that that's the plot i'll be sticking with so for now it's just the time Buck prioritizes Eddie's well-being over his own

as you may have guessed from the above point, i have no clue what i'm writing for this so far. all i know is Eddie's POV is definitely coming before Bobby's (who will take pt. 5 of the series)

like every other fic in this series, the title is adapted from The Score’s “Born For This”

Whumptober 2020

so i'm not sure what fics will be going here but again, i promised you guys that i'd write a fic for every prompt. i haven't written anything for Whumptober since October but the plan is still to finish all those prompts

[inknose]

mdzs read diary part IV, the end

It’s inspiring how much self care wwx is gonna finally get now that his husband will go along with whatever he does, so he’s gotta look out for lwj’s well being if not his own. that is emphatically the STUFF

dragging my hands down I face as I read this, after all these chapters of getting up close and personal with ghouls bleeding from every orifice, slaying ancient beasts, rebelling against the entire cultivation world, the two of them are absolutely paralyzed by middle school crush sleepover math

chicken

he actually drew kissy doodles .... he....

IDK I THINK I JUST DOCUMENTED THIS PART CUZ I WAS STILL SCREAMING you cant expect me to have very useful things to say at this point

this is torture you are both so mushy you are so GONE

This part really stood out to me, it’s an attitude I feel like wwx implies with his inner narration a few times but most clearly says here: he’s not one for allowing himself to exaggerate how bad his circumstances are/could be even a little bit - he’s already lived through some extreme low points and found a way to keep going, so he never makes sweeping statements about what he couldn’t live without (Inner JingYi: you’re supposed to say you’d be lost without him here!!!) Instead he seems to accept as a given that being alive doesn’t guarantee him any pleasantness or joy at all, and as a result his feelings toward being in TRUE LOVE are surprisingly pragmatic, but also colored with such gratitude. There are a lot of things in the novel that struck me, like this, as being just a little to the left of familiar tropes/sentiments, and were more touching for it. Whether it be the influence of culture difference as opposed to what I’m used to reading in most western romance stories, or MXTX’s unique outlook, or a combination of both, it was really refreshing and made me pause over it. Not “I can’t imagine living without you” but “I could be living without you, but instead I get to be with you and I think that’s the best thing that could happen.”

ADJFDKFJ THE UST BEING SO STRONG THAT EVEN THE VILLAIN COMMENTS ON IT IN THE MIDDLE OF EXECUTING HIS EVIL PLANS IS ONE OF THOSE THINGS THAT WILL NEVER FAIL TO MAKE ME LAUGH MY ASS OFF. hes like god damn! here I thought I had problems

it was at this moment that I realized we were doing this Now... I’m still recovering. What a scene. I am so glad I saw the most incredible fanart soon afterwards, bc the fact that someone has already drawn a perfect comic of this part means I don’t have to

I love you so much, you are so annoying, you are perfect... I like how he’s been experiencing openly requited love for all of ten minutes but he’s already figured out how to weaponize it to piss people off

doing!!! his!!! job!!!!!

ahh... it’s a really good story. JGY is a great character. One of the most interesting differences for me between drama watching vs. novel reading experience is that without an actor to bat his vulnerable doe eyes at you and smile faintly with his cute dimples, the book does not go much out of its way to try to lull the reader into a false sense of security around him or *endear* him to you the way the show does. But just by seeing events through wei wuxian’s POV, its still enough to evoke pity or understanding towards him. The overall impression is a bit more detached though, there’s less emphasis on the spectacle of how he could manipulate everyone closest to him and more of a general feeling of resigned tragedy that everyones the worst on this bitch of an earth.

I CANNOT DEAL WITH YOU FOR EVEN ONE MORE SECOND!!!!

I clearly paused to take note of less and less parts at the end & the extras due to: a) too excited to reach the end b) too spicy to photograph and c) too sleepy cuz I kept reading in the middle of the night. but I absolutely took the time for Bro We Are Teens appreciation corner:

I’d absolutely read 40 more extra chapters of their monster-of-the-week field trip antics.

god... poor Jin Ling now basically has to deal with divorced parents that talk shit about each other to him whenever he is saying with one of them. except they are both his uncles. just a disasterhood of all uncles from start to finish. AUUUGH wei wuxian and jiang cheng have fucked me up completely, I dream of them reconciling but I also REFUSE to believe it would ever be easy. let me know if theres a fanfic that absolutely tortures you for decades before they hug

HAHAHA oh no this man ain’t making it to immortality thats for damn sure. HE’S JUST GONNA TRY AS HARD AS HE CAN HIS WHOLE LIFE NOT TO LOOK AT HIM BUT THEYRE *MARRIED* SDLKFJSF ohhhh it’s too funny, like... the mundane domestic family drama IN the fantastical swords and sorcery setting is what really ratchets up these things from amusing to fucking hilarious I think

aaaa the end... final random thoughts? No not final, I would like to please keep discussing at length and exhaustively, all the time please - CQL has gotta be one of the best TV adaptations I’ve seen. ANY adaptation of anything would be lucky to be so good!! reading the novel has just made me appreciate it even more.

- I don’t think I can do justice to what I find most fascinating about comparing the two versions briefly, to do that I need to get drunk and ramble at my friends for hours but... the condensed version is something like this. Really all the significant differences between the two versions (besides the ones which can be attributed to censorship and therefore aren’t worth discussing) are a side effect of the structure of how the story is told - there’s barely anything changed arbitrarily. Aside from having a cold opening, the drama sticks to a very linear version of the story, and I think for a TV show or film, that’s probably the best way to do it. We see everything, we get shocked and tricked and betrayed and surprised along with the characters, we feel the biggest impact at the climactic scenes having experienced all the build-up. The novel on the other hand is not only much more non-linear in WHEN we learn bits and pieces of information, but that information is also obfuscated under wei wuxian’s multiple layers of Unreliable Narratoritis, which are as follows: 1) difficulty remembering things because of personality/avoiding painful memories/actual memory loss, 2) No Homo Goggles still on, and 3) a wry sense of humor that makes the reader unsure of how much they can trust his attitude toward things, especially near the beginning. The experience of reading is a puzzle the reader has to mentally piece together through all of the above listed camouflage, and the puzzle itself is a three-sided mystery: One - How Bad of a guy was Wei WuXian really, and how exactly did all the bad stuff in his life go down; Two - wangxian epic pride & prejudice gambits; Three - political murder mystery. (I love stories like this btw... though I fully admit I’m glad I watched first this time bc it might have taken me a long time to tackle otherwise.) Because of this, where the drama wants to pull you in and submerge you in all the most potent emotional parts, the novel in direct contrast deliberately side-steps around these things and asks that you hurt yourself by filling in the blanks. In fact the more intense emotions and painful memories involved, whether it be his relationship with jiang yanli, his DEATH, the darkest days of war times etc, the more the novel evasively withholds details. I actually really like both styles of storytelling but each one is obviously way better suited to its medium. ANYWAY.... THATS BASICALLY WHERE MY BRAINS AT WHILE IM READING GAY SWORD WIZARD BOOKS

- The extras are so saturated with domestic married bliss that it’s a good thing I stopped taking pictures because I’d just take a picture of every page. this is too much for me to take... I did jump the gun a few times and read a few fanfics while I was still mid-read of the book (I tried to hold out but alas I am mortal) and at one point after finishing I was like “wow what fic was it in where lwj says something cute and wwx kisses him in public but they’re in the corner of the restaurant so no one really sees... OH NO WAIT that was actually in there.” and ... and that’s the LEAST OF IT... *stares into the distance* theyre married wow

- I ofc couldn’t help but see a few vague blogs beforehand so honestly I was braced for something like, wildly ooc for the sake of porn to happen in the extras... I definitely appreciate how the incense burner porn interludes could be uhhh a lot for many people and not my personal cup of tea in terms of smut however [here follows the words of a poisonous frog who has dwelt her whole life in the rainforests of BL] the concept is also surprisingly SWEET SDFLKJF like wwx sees lan wangji’s darkest mixed-up violent teenage fantasies and he’s just like aww babe you had a crush on me!! just... good for them

- I swear I’m not gonna rehash every cute married thing they do but wei wuxian grading papers in the tub........................rEALLY GOT ME

- I want to Draw - ok thats enough if I keep going I’ll just write “wei wuxian grading papers in the tub” seven more times probably

[sickly-sweet-raven]

To the old members, new members and ex-members of the cursed discord server

So 2019 ends in like 10 min and I've been reflecting a lot lately (read : I'm emotional and it's yalls fault asksks). Spoiler alert it's gonna be a long one and boi is it gonna get cringy deep.

This damn year has been,,, something. I graduated highschool 5 months after joining this server and am now (dying) in uni, which is why I haven't been as active as I used to be. But I've been missing you all so much, I really want to get back to being an active cursed hoe.

While getting to know all the members of this hellhole, I've fallen in love, I've met amazing people, I've relapsed and gotten back into unhealthy coping mechanisms, I've contemplated suicide, I've gotten back into drawing and art in general, I've been dragged into many great fandoms, and I've never felt this inspired and hopeful for the future (are you cringing yet).

I know I've said this like 19382837373 times and at this point I'm gonna sound like a broken record but b oi am I glad I fucking clicked that link and met you all,, do you??? know??? how thankful I am??? bih

Also I know some of you have been busy and or/trying really hard to deal with shit happening in your life. I wish you the absolute fucking best, you deserve the world. I've said this before and I will say it again : my dms are always open whether it's to vent or to chat like two brainless dumbasses. You're strong and I believe in you.

Hopefully we can stay in touch for many, many months (or years,,, pls i beg,, am lonely and clingy) to come. You're making life so much more interesting and worth living, I actually have something to look forward to when I wake up and it's to yell in this damn server.

To those who left the server or who are currently inactive, I wish you the best too. I hope you had fun with us ! And my dms are always open if you wanna chat, too.

Long story short, happy new year you guys ! Thank you for being so incredibly supportive and open-minded, I couldn't ask for more. Good luck with school/work/life, even if you're a random person reading this!

🌸 ~ 🌸 ~ 🌸

You better comment how cringy this was on a scale from 1 to 10. I'll wait.

I'm gonna try to tag everybody but my dumb self is probably gonna forget someone dkdjdj I've been looking through the discord intros writing down yall's tumblr usernames and it's confusing my single braincell so I'm sorry in advance I swear I love you 😔✌ you're free to come attack me in dms if I forgot your name

I love you

@shuangxuan, @goaty-the-goatman, @nie-ming-daddy, @shdwthief, @incorrectcurseddiscord, @sqhs-iceblock, @deshirenz, @lianhuawu, @anaurael, @just-pasta-and-sin, @ignitingthesky, @baebeyza, @knight-jester, @lanzhanss, @xiefaelan13, @sevildea, @integrationbydarts, @mdzs-tgcf-svsss-fanblog, @sunnycider , @ella-marie2804, @maddyisenough, @yvoi, @shu-kaku, @rexnoctem, @hua-lian, @plsleafmelon, @papercranes-and-forgottenwishes, @kingofseafood29

[yumichanhamano]

Three word ficlet challenge sent by wanlangjis on twitter :)

MDZS Modern AU, idk how to make it work so wwx was trying to DIY a patio at his house and the inspector is coming to check and make sure it’s up to standard but wwx is a disaster so it wasn’t complete :D Enjoy? XD

“The inspector is going to lose their shit when they see this,” Wen Qing groaned.

It started as a simple DIY project that lead to a random concrete slab sitting innocently behind their shared house and nothing else was finished for their supposed patio.

“It looks nice at least!” Wei Ying argued. It was incomplete since Wei Ying had put it off due to emergencies. But the inspector was also scheduled to observe their process and approve of their construction. And yet all he has for show is the still drying concrete that would serve at the base of the patio.

“You should have just paid for a contractor and they would have taken care of this!” Wen Qing scolded. Wei Ying pouted at her while Wen Ning tried to defuse the situation.

“I’ll just be honest and say I was busy so this is all I got right now! It’s not easy being a freelancer and a dad,” Wei Ying defended. He rushed to finish his workload so he could start working on this project. Wen Ning offered to start working on it first, but Wen Qing would have his head if her littler brother was doing all the manual labour while Wei Ying holed himself in his room. And here they were with their barely finished patio.

The house was rather old and tattered, but it was something. They put a lot of work into making it child proof for A-Yuan, but they still wanted to do more so it felt more like home than a random shelter.

“Hello? Is anyone there?”

“Shit,” Wei Ying cursed under his breath while Wen Ning went to greet who they all assumed to be the inspector.

“Ah, hello,” Wen Ning greeted.

“No one answered when I knocked.”

“We were in the backyard. Apologies for the confusion. Please, this way,” Wen Ning said and led the inspector into the backyard.

Before Wei Ying could try to run away from the inevitable, a voice interrupted his overly complicated plans to vault over the fence and into his neighbour’s backyard.

“Wei Ying?”

He turned and stared at the man for more than socially appropriate.

“L-Lan Zhan?”

“You two know each other?” Wen Qing asked, snapping Wei Ying out of his staring. He looked over at her and she looked too amused. He was going to be questioned like a criminal later.

“High school. We went to high school together,” Wei Ying said. For a moment, he was unsure if he should shake Lan Zhan’s hand, but the latter didn’t like touching others so he shoved his hands in his pockets. “Ah, you really haven’t changed much, Lan Zhan. Still prim and proper. So, what are you doing here? I mean, you’re here for the inspection, right? What am I saying? Well, uh, here it is! I didn’t really get to do much between work and taking care of my son, but here’s the base! Pretty good if I say so myself!”

Lan Zhan didn’t spare a chance at the drying concrete and stared at Wei Ying the whole time, making him talk faster than usual.

“A-Ning and I are going to go pick up A-Yuan,” Wen Qing said as she walked around the two of them, half dragging her brother on her way out. Wen Ning made a brief noise of protest but ultimately moved away.

Silence followed their exit. Wei Ying shifted from one foot to another while waiting for a response. He never dealt with silence well, so he opened his mouth to speak, but Lan Zhan beat him to it.

“Your son?”

“Yes!” Wei Ying immediately brightened and pulled out his phone, pulling up his gallery of photos. “He’s the cutest thing. I call him my little radish!” Wei Ying said with all the happiness of a proud father. He showed Lan Zhan the picture he took a few months ago when they went to the park. “He’s the cutest baby in the world! And I’m not saying that because he’s my baby.”

Lan Zhan hummed in quiet agreement and it’s all it took for Wei Ying to relax. They haven’t seen each other since they graduated. Lan Zhan didn’t have social media so it was hard to keep in contact with him.

They had each other’s phone number but Wei Ying thought Lan Zhan didn’t want anything to do with him so he stopped his “text spam” as Jiang Cheng called it, and let the man be at peace for once. Since Lan Zhan never reached out, Wei Ying just concluded that they were nothing more than mere acquaintances that happened to go to high school together.

“Your wife?” Lan Zhan’s deep voice pulled Wei Ying out of his thoughts and he looked dazedly at the sharp jawline before the words registered.

Wei Ying sputtered, “My what???”

“Your wife,” Lan Zhan said, a small crease between his brow formed. “The women from earlier I presume.”

Wei Ying laughed. He laughed so hard that he fell to the ground, uncaring of the grass stains as his stomach cramped at his boisterous laughter.

Lan Zhan hovered above him, unsure of what he did or what to do as Wei Ying cried from laughing so hard.

“Lan Zhan.” Wei Ying giggled at the lost expression on his face. “I- That was the best joke.”

“I wasn’t-”

“Wen Qing is not my wife,” Wei Ying said and took Lan Zhan’s offered hand to stand on his feet again. “God, she would castrate me even before considering marriage. Besides, she’s too busy saving lives to even care about romance. You caught her on her off day while she scolded me about this.” Wei Ying gestured to his project.

“Then your son…”

“Adopted,” Wei Ying grinned. “I still love him lots and lots! He’s their cousin and I helped babysit, but his parents are gone and none of his relatives could keep him long term so he’s mine now!”

“I see,” Lan Zhan said. If Wei Ying didn’t know if he was seeing things, but Lan Zhan’s posture seemed to have relaxed.

“Aren’t you supposed to be here to do your job, Mr. Inspector?” Wei Ying asked. He couldn’t help but tease the man who used to be uninterested in anything Wei Ying did. Now that he had his attention, he was going to milk it for all it’s worth.

“There is not much for me to inspect,” Lan Zhan deadpanned and sent Wei Ying into another round of laughter.

“Ah, I tried my best. Can you like, come back another time when I have finished? I swear I will work on it now! I had to finish up my other project for a client since I promised I would be done before their deadline, but then they pushed it forward. I already lost so many nights of sleep for this and then Wen Qing was busy at work so it was mostly Wen Ning and I taking care of A-Yuan, and let me tell you about toddlers! They’re so fussy and-”

“Wei Ying,” Lan Zhan said calmly and Wei Ying immediately stopped talking. “I will reschedule. Is there something else I can help with?”

“No. No, thank you. I appreciate it. Thank you, Lan Zhan,” Wei Ying said in a breath of relief. He wasn’t sure why he was so worked up or rambling about his life problems. But Lan Zhan’s calming presence and soothing voice was effective in calming his nerves.

Lan Zhan pulled out what Wei Ying presumed to be his business card, then pulled out a pen and wrote something on the back.

“If you need anything, call or text me. I will respond when I can.”

Wei Ying held the card and held back a laugh at the boring black and white card. It was so like Lan Zhan to have a boring looking business card. “And on the back?”

“My personal number.” Lan Zhan was looking away when Wei Ying’s head snapped up.

“Ah, Lan Zhan, Lan Zhan. If you’re so nice to me, I’ll never want to let you go.” Wei Ying couldn’t help but tease.

“Then don’t.”

Wei Ying sucked in his breath at the quiet admission, something stirring in his chest. He moved on, thinking that Lan Zhan hated him, only putting up with him because he was being relentless. But here Lan Zhan was, welcoming him back into his life.

“I’m still annoying.”

“Mm.”

“And I talk a lot.”

“Mm.”

“I talk when I eat!”

“Wei Ying.”

“I forget sometimes. Wen Qing said it was gross when I talk with my mouth full and now A-Yuan is bullying me too.”

“Mm.” Wei Ying noticed a slight smile.

“I’m not the same person I was 3 years ago.”

“Neither am I.”

“You still want to be my friend?” Wei Ying asked.

“En,” Lan Zhan said, smiling softly, “and more if Wei Ying lets me.”

Wei Ying’s brain short-circuited and he let out of a sound that resembled a squeak. He could play it off cool if it was anyone else. But never in front of Lan Zhan. He was one of the few people that saw other sides of him.

“Do you want to meet A-Yuan?” Wei Ying asked as he moved towards the gate. They couldn’t enter through the backdoor because of the still drying concrete so they had to go around to the front of the house. “They should be home soon, if not already. He’s a little shy at first, but he’s a friendly kid.”

“I would love to.”

[boat-full-of-lotus-pods]

MDZS Chapter 100. “A Hatred for Life” Part 3

Confession

The qin string was too slim. Dyed in a special colour, it was nearly impossible for the eyes to see. Both Wei WuXian’s heart and mind had been in a jumble just now, leaving him with no awareness to spare that could have prevented him from falling into the weapon’s grasp.

Wei WuXian cried, “Lan Zhan, don’t! Don’t retreat!”

But Lan WangJi had instantly taken five steps backward without hesitation. Jin GuangYao said, “Excellent. Now, please put Bichen back into its sheath.”

With a ‘zing’, Lan WangJi obliged. Wei WuXian raged at Jin GuangYao, “Don’t push it!”

Jin GuangYao said, “Am I pushing it too far already? Because I’m just about to tell HanGuang-Jun to seal off his own cultivation. What would you call that then?”

Wei WuXian was enraged. “You……”

Before he could finish his sentence, a sharp pain stunned at his neck as the string cut through his skin and flesh. Wei WuXian could feel blood dripping down his neck. Lan WangJi’s face was ghastly white. Jin GuangYao said, “How could he not listen to me? Think about it, Young Master Wei. After all, his life is in my hands.”

“Do not touch him,” Lan WangJi said, one word at a time.

Jin GuangYao replied, “Then HanGuang-Jun knows what he should do.”

A beat of silence later, Lan WangJi said, “Fine.”

Lan XiChen sighed. Raising his hand, with two decisive strokes, Lan WangJi had sealed off his own cultivation.

Smiling lightly, Jin GuangYao said in a quiet voice, “This is truly……”

Lan WangJi glowered. “Let him go.”

But Wei WuXian interjected, “Lan Zhan! There, there’s something I need to tell you.”

Jin GuangYao said, “Why don’t you tell him later?”

Wei WuXian, “No, it’s very urgent.”

Jin GuangYao, “Then you can say it right here.”

He had only been thinking out loud. Little did he expect Wei WuXian to suddenly go, “You’re right.”

With that, Wei WuXian proceeded to shout at the top of his lungs, “Lan Zhan! Lan WangJi! Earlier, I—I truly wanted to sleep with you!”

“……”

“……”

“……”

Jin GuangYao’s hand loosened and the qin string dropped. Realizing that the thin, sharp pain was gone from his neck, Wei WuXian couldn’t wait a moment longer and threw himself at Lan WangJi.

The confession had struck Lan WangJi like a streak of lightning from the sky, cracking open the Heaven above and the earth below, paralyzing him. Still recovering from its impact, something like shock and confusion crept onto his perpetually expressionless face. It wasn’t the first time that Wei WuXian had thrown his arms around his waist like this and stuck to him like wax. But this time, Lan WangJi’s body had become a heavy, dull, wooden statue; so stiff and rigid that he didn’t even know where he should put his hands. Wei WuXian cried, “Lan Zhan, what I just said, was everything clear?!”

Lan WangJi’s lips moved a little. A moment of silence later, he said, “You……”

Lan WangJi had always spoken concisely and on-point, with crisp sentences, never a stutter. Now, however, he sounded extremely hesitant. Another beat of silence later, he continued, “You are saying……”

It was as if he wanted to confirm that he hadn’t heard it wrong. But it would be too difficult for Lan WangJi to ever utter a line like that. Thus, Wei WuXian repeated for him without hesitation, “I said ‘I truly wanted to……”

“A-ahem!”

Lan XiChen stood to the side and brought his clenched fist to his lips. After a moment of consideration, he sighed, “……Young Master Wei, what perfect timing and circumstances for those words.”

Wei WuXian apologized without the slightest earnesty, “I’m so sorry, Sect Leader Lan. I really can’t wait a moment longer.”

Jin GuangYao also looked like he couldn’t wait a moment longer. Turning, he asked, “Has it still not been dug out yet?!”

A monk replied, “Sect Leader, you’ve buried it quite deep……”

The colours on Jin GuangYao’s face cycled between green and white. He looked quite displeased. But even then, he did not scold his subordinates and only said, “Hurry faster!”

Just then, a streak of ghastly white lightning flashed across the sky followed by the roar of thunder but a moment later. Jin GuangYao looked to the sky with a grim expression. Soon afterwards, light raindrops started drizzling. Clutching Lan WangJi, Wei WuXian was still trying to unleash the thousands of words bunched up within his chest, ready to explode, when the cold drizzle landing on his face managed to calm him down a fraction or two.

Jin GuangYao said to Lan XiChen, “ZeWu-Jun, it’s raining. Let’s go inside the temple for shelter.”

Although Lan XiChen was at his mercy, he was still treating Lan XiChen with nothing less than the utmost courtesy, without making things difficult for Lan XiChen in the slightest. Jin GuangYao acted no different than his usual self around Lan XiChen, though perhaps more courteous than usual. This made it nearly impossible for anyone to be mad at him— it’s hard to remain upset at a smiling face—especially when Lan XiChen’s temperament was already pretty mild. As Jin GuangYao stepped over the high threshold and entered the main temple, the rest followed after. Wei WuXian and Lan WangJi had already been here once during the day. The inside of the main temple was large and spacious with an air of grandeur. Its red walls and golden paint were freshly kept, clearly the work of careful and routine maintenance. Wei WuXian didn’t know how deep those cultivators and monks at the back had already excavated, but even now they still found no traces of whatever it was that Jin GuangYao had originally buried. Casually, Wei WuXian looked up and was stunned by the sight that greeted him.

The Guanyin statue sitting on a pedestal had features that belonged in a painting. Compared to the most common depictions of Guanyin, the face expressed less of the usual compassion and more of a youthful beauty. And what stunned Wei WuXian was the face’s mild resemblance to a certain someone—the man standing off to the side inside this very temple—Jin GuangYao.

The longer Wei WuXian started at it, the more striking the resemblance grew until he could almost sense about more than one half of Jin GuangYao’s features on the statue. Wei WuXian thought to himself, ‘Is Jin GuangYao really such a narcissist? That being the Chief Cultivator and having a thousand sects under his control was not enough and that he wanted ten thousand more to pray and offer incense at an immortalized statue of his face? Unless this is some other dark path of cultivation that I’m not aware of.’

Suddenly, he heard Lan WangJi voice beside his ear. “Sit.”

Wei WuXian’s attention was immediately drawn back. Lan WangJi had gathered four round cushions within the temple. Giving two to Lan XiChen and Jin Ling, he kept two for Wei WuXian and himself. But for reasons unknown, both Lan XiChen and Jin Ling had shuffled their own cushions far away from the other two, and seemed to have unanimously decided to stare far into the distance.

Jin GuangYao had gone to the back of the temple with a few of his men to check on the status of the excavation. Wei WuXian tugged Lan WangJi to sit down on the cushions with him. Perhaps still recovering from the earlier shock, Lan WangJi staggered a little from the tug before sitting down steadily. Trying to ease his own heart, Wei WuXian studied Lan WangJi’s face.

Lan WangJi’s eyes were downcast, and it was hard to read his expression. Wei WuXian knew that Lan WangJi likely didn’t believe in those few lines he’d said earlier. After all, he had been tormented by someone who’d teased him mercilessly while laughing without a clue for so long. It was only right for him to be suspicious. At the thought, Wei WuXian felt his chest go heavy, his heart trembling with sympathy. He didn’t dare to continue his line of thought. He only knew that he needed to fix it however he can, and hammer the point home[1].

He said, “Lan Zhan, here, look at me.”

Lan WangJi replied in a voice that still sounded a little tight, “Mmm.”

Taking a deep breath, Wei WuXian said quietly, “……I really do have terrible memories. I’ve forgotten a lot of things from before, including that night at the Nightless City. What really happened during those few days, I really don’t remember a thing.”

Hearing this, Lan WangJi’s eyes widened slightly.

Wei WuXian abruptly clutched Lan WangJi’s shoulders and continued, “But! But starting from now, everything you say to me, everything you do to me, I’ll remember them all, I’ll never forget a thing!”

“……”

Wei WuXian said, “You’re wonderful. I really like you.”  

“……”

“Or rather, I should say, I fancy you, love you, want you, can’t be without you, whatever you want it to be.”

“……”

“I want to spend the rest of my life night hunting with you.”

“……”

Wei WuXian pressed three fingers into the air—one for the Heaven, one for the earth, one for his heart. “And I want to sleep with you everyday. I swear to you that it’s not a spur of the moment thing and it’s not me teasing or playing with you. It’s not out of gratitude either. Basically it’s not for any other bullshit reasons apart from the fact that I just really like you, so much so that I want to get into bed with you. I don’t want anyone else except you. It has to be you, no one else will do. You can do anything you want to me—whatever and however you want, and I’ll be happy—as long as you are willing to do it with me……”

Right as he finished, a gush of fierce wind roared into the Guanyin Temple, extinguishing rows after rows of candlelight within.

Without anyone noticing, the small drizzle had turned into a thunderstorm. Even the lanterns hanging outside the Guanyin Temple had been drenched through with water and ceased giving light. The entire temple was suddenly engulfed by darkness.

Wei WuXian could no longer make another sound. In the darkness, Lan WangJi had already embraced him tightly and covered his mouth.

Lan WangJi’s breathing was quick and unsteady. His hoarse voice sounded beside Wei WuXian’s ear, “……Fancy you……”

With his arms tight around Lan WanJi, Wei WuXian said, “Yes!”

Lan WangJi repeated, “……Love you, want you……”

Wei WuXian exclaimed, “Yes!”

Lan WangJi continued, “Can’t be without you……don’t want anyone else except you…… has to be you, no one else will do!”

With a trembling voice and a trembling body, Lan WangJi repeated Wei WuXian’s words again and again. Wei WuXian almost had the impression that Lan WangJi was on the verge of tears.

With every sentence, Lan WangJi’s arms around him tightened. It was painful for Wei WuXian, but his own arms were tightening around Lan WangJi’s back until he almost couldn’t breathe. In pain, there is sweetness, and he only wished he could hold onto Lan WangJi even tighter.

He couldn’t see a thing in the darkness.

But as they embraced tightly, chest to chest, Wei WuXian could not escape the sound of their combined heartbeats. He could finally, clearly feel it—the heart thumping madly in Lan WangJi’s chest and the seeping warmth that it contained. And he wasn’t sure if he had imagined it—the silent, almost unnoticeable drop of a tear falling onto his neck.

Just then, a series of hasty footsteps was heard inside the temple. Jin GuangYao, who had only just gone to the back of the temple to check on the progress not long ago, came back to the front again with a few cultivators. It took two monks all their might, one on each side of the temple’s double door, to close it and latch it once more. Taking out a Fire Talisman, Jin GuangYao breathed it into ignition and used it to light up the red candles again. The row of wavering, yellow flames became the only source of light in the dark and chilly temple. Suddenly, two distinct knocks came from outside the door.

Someone was knocking on the door. Everyone within the temple became alert and looked outside. The two monks by the door silently pointed their sword at the door, ready to confront any potential threat. Jin GuangYao asked calmly, “Who is it?”

The person outside the door said, “Sect Leader, it’s me!”

It was Su She’s voice.

At Jin GuangYao’s gesture, the two monks by the door unlatched it. Su She stepped in, carrying with him the fierce wind and raging rain.

The row of candle flames wavered dangerously from the sudden gush of wind and rain, throwing the temple’s interior into cycles of light and dark until the two monks shut the door again. Su She was drenched. His expression was harsh and his lips were nearly purple from the chill. With his sword in his right hand, he was dragging a person in his left. Su She was just about to throw said person onto the floor when he saw the still embracing figures of Wei WuXian and Lan WangJi sitting on the floor cushions off to the side.

Su She had just recently suffered humiliation at hands of the two. At the sight of them, his expression immediately changed. Shooting a look at Jin GuangYao, he saw the unconcerned expression on Jin GuangYao’s face. Only after realizing that Wei WuXian and Lan WangJi were already subdued did Su She manage to calm down.

Jin GuangYao asked, “What’s going on?”

Su She replied, “I bumped into him on the way over. Thought he might be useful so I took him.”

Walking up and lowering his head for a closer look, Jin GuangYao asked, “Did you hurt him?”

Su She replied, “I didn’t. He fainted from fright.” He dropped the person to the ground.

Jin GuangYao said, “MinShan[2], don’t handle him so roughly. He can’t handle being threatened or treated roughly.”

Su She hurriedly said, “Right,” and then pulled up again the man he had just dropped, this time carefully placing him next to Lan XiChen. Lan XiChen had been staring intently at the man for a long time. Parting the messy, drenched hair of the man beside him, as expected, this man who had fainted from fright was indeed Nie HuaiSang. Su She must have snatched him while he was on his way back to Qinghe after his cultivation recovered in the Lotus Pier.

Lan XiChen raised his head and asked, “Why did you take HuaiSang.”

Jin GuangYao said, “Having one more sect leader under my palm will help to instill more fear in the others. But don’t worry, Er-ge[3], you know how I’ve always been to HuaiSang. When the time comes, I will let all of you go unharmed.”

Lan XiChen said in a mild voice, “Should I trust you?”

Jin GuangYao replied, “Up to you. It’s not like Er-ge has a choice either way, right?”

Just then, Su She directed his icy gaze to Wei WuXian and Lan WangJi.

He snickered, “HanGuang-Jun, the Yiling Patriarch, it’s hard to believe that we’d meet again so soon. And look how the tables have turned. So, how does it feel?”

Lan WangJi said not a word. He never reacted to provocations like this. Wei WuXian thought, ‘How have the tables turned? You guys were running away back on the Burial Mound. Now, aren’t you still running away?’

But Su She already had years of irritation bottled up. He didn’t need any provocation to keep throwing subtle jabs left and right. Giving Lan WangJi a once-over, Su She jeered, “Even now, you’re still full of yourself. So pretentiously composed. How long are you going to keep up the act?”

Lan WangJi remained silent. Lan XiChen spoke instead. “Sect Leader Su, I don’t believe we’ve ever wronged you in any way when you were studying under the Gusu Lan Sect. What do you have against WangJi?”

Su She said, “How would I ever dare to have anything against the brilliant, exemplary Second Young Master of Lan? I just can’t stand that he’s so full of himself all the time.”

Although Wei WuXian already knew of Su She’s temperament—that he could hold grudges over the most meaningless things—he still couldn’t contain his bewilderment and asked, “Has HanGuang-Jun ever been full of himself? If I didn’t recall incorrectly, isn’t ‘Do not be haughty and complacent’ one of the Gusu Lan Sect’s rules?”

Jin Ling asked, “How do you know what the Gusu Lan Sect’s rules are?”

Wei WuXian scratched his chin. “Well I kind of memorized them after copying them so many times.”

Jin Ling said without thinking, “What were you doing copying the Gusu Lan Sect’s rules for, it’s not like you’re……” Originally, he was planning to say “it’s not like you’re part of their sect”, but soon realized what was wrong with that sentence. Thus, Jin Ling shut his mouth with an awkward expression.

Smiling, Wei WuXian said, “Could it be that because HanGuang-Jun has had a perpetual chilly expression from a young age, Sect Leader Su has drawn such a conclusion? If that’s the case then it would be terribly unfair to HanGuang-Jun. He shows a face like that to everyone. Sect Leader Su should feel fortunate to not have studied at the Yunmeng Jiang Sect instead.”

Su She asked coldly, “And why is that?”

Wei WuXian replied, “You would have died of rage years ago because of me. When I was little, I always thought that I was the most exceptional genius on earth. I was totally full of myself all the damn time. And not only did I believe so, I also told everyone else, everywhere I went.”

A vein throbbed over Su She’s forehead. “Shut up!”

As his palm flung at Wei WuXian, Lan WangJi pulled Wei WuXian into his arms, securely shielding him behind the crook of his elbow. Su She hesitated. Just as he was debating whether to make his palm land or not, Wei WuXian’s head popped out from behind Lan WangJi and said, “I’d advise Sect Leader Su to hold back. After all, ZeWu-Jun still has LianFang-Zun’s respect. If you were to injure HanGuang-Jun, would you like you take a guess as to whether LianFang-Zun will be happy or not?”

This was the reason for Su She’s hesitation to start with. But now that Wei WuXian had said it out loud, Su She became exceptionally irritated. Unsatisfied, he had to throw another line of insult. “Legends had it that the Yiling Patriarch’s very name could scare anyone and anything witless—on the earth and beneath it. It’s hard to imagine that he would be scared of death!”

Wei WuXian replied shamelessly, “Of course, of course. But it’s less that I’m afraid of dying, and more like I don’t want to die just yet.”

Su She smirked and said, “What a ridiculous play on semantics. Is there any difference between being afraid of dying and not wanting to die?”

Huddled neatly within Lan WangJi’s arms, Wei WuXian answered, “Of course there’s a difference. For example, right now I don’t want to peel myself away from Lan Zhan. Would that be the same as being too afraid to peel myself away from Lan Zhan?”

Thinking for a moment,  Wei WuXian backpedaled. “Sorry, I take that back. I feel that’s actually pretty much the same thing.”

Su She’s entire face was turning green. Angering him was precisely Wei WuXian’s intention. Just then, however, the sounds of a single light laughter came from above Wei WuXian.

The sound was so light that it could have been imagined.

But as Wei WuXian snapped his head up, he saw for himself the remnant of a dying smile, laid plainly and undeniably by the corners of Lan WangJi’s mouth. The smile was like moonlight reflected over fresh snow. With this, not only Su She, but even Lan XiChen and Jin Ling were stunned.

It was universally known that HanGuang-Jun was perpetually expressionless, as if drained of all worldly desires. Chilly and without the slightest air of joyfulness about him, no one had ever witnessed him smile, not even a small curve at the corners of his mouth. So no one had expected that the first time they get to see him smile would be under circumstances like this.

Wei WuXian’s eyes turned big and round.

A pause later, he swallowed with some difficulty, his adam’s apple moving up then down. “Lan Zhan, you……”

Just then, another round of knocking came from the Guanyin Temple’s door.

Unsheathing his sword, Su She asked, alarmed, “Who is it?!”

Without an answer, the double door was flung wide open with tremendous strength!

From within the fierce wind and pouring rain blowing into the temple, Zidian lashed out in its full, spiritually charged glory and slashed Su She right across the chest, sending him flying. Su She collided heavily against a mahogany pillar and spat out a mouthful of blood. The two monks guarding by the door were also stunned to the ground by the shockwave of the lash and couldn’t get up. A figure clothed in purple stepped over the door’s tall threshold and entered the temple with a steady gait.

Though the storm raged on outside, the person was not too drenched by the rain aside from his robes being in a darker shade of purple than usual. Raindrops pitter-pattered all over the oil paper umbrella he held in his left hand. In his right hand, the cold, dangerous light of Zidian continued to sizzle madly at full force. And the expression on his face was even darker and gloomier than the thunderstorm behind him.

-

Footnotes:

[1]: ‘fix it however he can, and hammer the point home’: The original phrase was 给他再来几剂猛药, literally means “shock him with the strongest medicine” and describes the act of taking desperate measures to save a life that’s near the verge of death from some severe illness. In this case, Wei WuXian is trying to save Lan WangJi’s heart/suffering/feelings by shocking him with some strong  affirmation of Wei WuXian’s own true feelings.

[2]: Su MinShan: Su She’s courtesy name. 

[3]: Er-ge: 二哥, “second older brother”

[lostinbl]

Scars | LWJ x WWX | The Untamed (MDZS)

--Okay I know it's not canon for wwx to be able to heal scars but I absolutely need him to be able to do it so I'm sorry for this canonically incorrect ficlet I just needed to ease my own suffering.--

Wei Wuxian is sitting on his crossed legs, his left hand trailing the scars on Lan Wangji's back. Lan Wangji is lying on the bed on his stomach, his arms under his head facing away from Wei Wuxian. His eyes are closed as he relishes in the feel of his lover's touch. Wei Wuxian follows every single intricate line ever so slowly with his finger from start to finish, all the way from the top of his back to the lowest point where the scars stop. He follows through the motion two times before he can no longer keep quiet.

"Please, let me heal them!" Wei Wuxian blurts out retrieving his hand. Lan Wangji opens his eyes and sighs. He props himself up on his elbows and turns his eyes to Wei Wuxian.

"Wei Ying. I've told you before, I don't want you to", his tone is steady and quiet as he answers.

"These scars.. they're reminders. Every day they remind me of the pain I went through after losing you, and every day they remind me to protect you. So that I never let go off you again. I don't need you to make them go away and I don't want you to", Lan Wangji explains with a patient tone, almost too patient for someone who has explained the same thing dozens of times already. Wei Wuxian's chest feels tight. He wants to cry and scream but he can't do either. He hates it! He hates how these horrible, ugly scars on his lover's back are his fault. He hates how he's the cause of them. And how Lan Wangji still keeps holding on to them, no matter what. He hates himself for leaving, he hates himself for hurting Lan Wangji like this. Every time he sees Lan Wangji's back the guilt chips away a little part of him. The look in Lan Wangji's eyes turns soft as he sees the expression on Wei Wuxian's face.

"Wei Ying, please don't", he asks but Wei Wuxian can't help it. Lan Wangji sits up and Wei Wuxian rushes into his arms, firmly clasping his arms around Lan Wangji. Lan Wangji strokes Wei Wuxian's hair, letting the other man hold him as long as he needs to. Wei Wuxian closes his eyes to keep his emotions in check, trying his best to calm down.

Slowly Wei Wuxian lets the tips of his fingers caress the scars on Lan Wangji's back again. He can't do it. He can't do what Lan Wangji says. He knows he shouldn't, but he has to.

He knows Lan Wangji doesn't want him to heal them, but he has to. Wei Wuxian lets his spirit work as he touches the scars. Lan Wangji won't see a difference, not now. But in five, ten, fifteen years... the scars will have disappeared. And hopefully, by then, Lan Wangji won't be so adamant about keeping them. Because Wei Wuxian won't let his lover suffer from these scars forever. He will heal them. Even if that means angering his love, and Wei Wuxian knows, better than anyone, just how frightening angry Lan Wangji can truly be.

Wei Wuxian tightens his hold around Lan Wangji as he makes a promise. He will stay right here next to Lan Wangji and care for his scars every single night. He will stay right here and every single day he will get rid of some of the pain Lan Wangji went through. He will stay and make sure that every single mark on Lan Wangji's beautiful back will disappear. He swears that on his life. He will stay right here and make sure that Lan Wangji doesn’t need to keep the scars as a reminder. He will stay and be the reminder himself. Because just like Lan Wangji, Wei Wuxian will not let go of his love ever again.

[grandmasterofwangxiancultivation]

MDZS ch.108

*holds her breath*

If the neck attack succeeded, even if it wouldn’t defeat Nie MingJue entirely, it’d still be able to save them some time. However, the sword had been infused with so much spiritual energy, due to Su She’s sudden explosion, that it could no longer withstand it. Halfway through the lunge, it broke into pieces with a crack. 

wow, what an epic fail.

EDIT:

On the other hand, Nie MingJue’s punch landed right in the center of Su She’s chest. Su She’s splendor left as quickly as it came. He couldn’t even spit out a mouthful of blood or say a few last words, no matter with dignity or cruelty, before the life in his eyes went out.

okay, now i feel a little bad for him. just a little bit.

EDIT 2:

The harsh, stern expression on his rigid face held a sense of judgement that was no different from before he died. Even his tears had been scared away as Jin GuangYao turned to Lan XiChen for help, his voice trembling, “Brother…”

OKAY IF JGY KEEPS LOOKING AT LXC LIKE THAT I’LL SNAP. as much as i can feel moved by how things are going and i swear this pressure is killing me, i hate that jgy keeps using lxc like that. i’m sure lxc is the only he has ever felt “safe” with, so it makes sense for jgy to search comfort in him, whether it’s just that or he is also trying to manipulate him into saving his life. whatever, i just want him to STOP.

EDIT 3:

Only after he answered did he realize that the one who called him was Jiang Cheng. Wei WuXian felt somewhat surprised. Jiang Cheng didn’t respond directly. Instead, he took something out from his sleeve and tossed. Wei WuXian caught it by instinct and looked, only to find a black, gleaming flute along with a crimson tassel.

It was the ghoul flute, Chen Qing!

As he felt the flute that he was more than familiar with, Wei WuXian didn’t even have the spare time to feel surprised. Without hesitation, he lifted it to his lips and called, “Lan Zhan!”

OH MY GOD

OH MY GOD THE DIZI IS BACK

CHEN QING IS BACK

I AM CRYING CAN ONE EVEN MISS A FLUTE????????

I WAS NOT READY FOR THIS TURNABOUT WHAT THE HELL I AM SO GLAD

AND THERE HE IS ASKING HIS HUSBAND’S SUPPORT AGAIN, I CAN’T BEAR THIS AND IT’S ALL I NEEDED IN MY LIFE

PLS LET LXC LWJ AND WWX PLAY ALL TOGETHER

EDIT 4:

He was much taller standing on the coffin. Lan WangJi put his guqin away and looked up at him with the pair of light eyes. Wei WuXian looked down and couldn’t help but touch the fair face with his right hand, adding a few blood-red marks, by accident or on purpose.

Lan WangJi didn’t worry too much about it, “Come down.”

Wei WuXian hopped down with a grin before he was caught right inside those arms.

*throws everything in the air*

I DON’T EVEN-

EDIT 5: nhs being a drama queen is the ultimate weapon this chapter need to come out so perfect. i love them all.

EDIT 6: jgy P L E A S E don’t do anything else and let lxd take care of you. pls.

EDIT 7:

Wei WuXian and Lan WangJi walked to the corner. Wen Ning was still lying on top of Jiang Cheng and Jin Ling in an awkward, half-collapsed way. Wei WuXian laid him flat on the ground. After he examined the hole through his chest, he felt quite worried, “Just look at you… How should I block it up?”

Wen Ning, “Young Master, is it really severe…?”

Wei WuXian, “No. It’s not like you need the organs here. But it looks ugly.”

Wen Ning, “It’s not like I need to look nice…”

Jiang Cheng was silent, while Jin Ling hesitated between speaking up or not.

wen ning pls *whispers*

EDIT 8:

Nie HuaiSang had put the bottle into his lapels after he ate two pills and stopped the pain. He hurried, “Oh, sure.” And looked down to search for it. After he found it, just as he was about to pass it to Lan XiChen, his pupils suddenly shrunk, exclaiming in fright, “Brother XiChen, behind you!!!” 

Lan XiChen hadn’t let down his guard around Jin GuangYao in the first place, tense from caution. As he saw Nie HuaiSang’s expression along with the warning, he felt something in his heart go cold. Without hesitation, he unsheathed his sword and stabbed to the back. 

The sword pierced right through Jin GuangYao’s chest. His face was shocked.

WHAT THE FUCK IT WAS ALL SO FAST WHAT WHY WHAT WAS JGY DOING

EDIT 9:

At the moment, Jin GuangYao was injured from top to bottom. His left hand was burned by the poisonous smoke, his right hand was severed, and his stomach was missing a chunk of flesh. Covered in blood, he couldn’t even manage to sit upright, yet right now he stood on his own without any help, like one last streak of light from a setting sun. He called again in a voice filled with hatred, “Lan XiChen!”

Lan XiChen was beyond both disappointment and sorrow, “Sect Leader Jin, I told you. If you act again, I would show no mercy.”

DUDE, YOU’RE ASKING FOR IT!! WHY CAN’T YOU JUST STAY STILL AND LET HIM CARE FOR YOU OMG

*sighs*

jgy being so frustrating makes me wanna punch him, especially because i appreciate his character even more for not giving up, for his perseverance, for his not being predictable or not backing up and lowering his head. he is wrong, okay, but he had the worst time growing up and his values are all messed up. he keeps scheming until the very end, and that makes me like him so much.

but also hate him.

WHICH FRUSTRATES ME-

*goes and hugs lxc*

EDIT 10:

He’d always kept up a gentle, graceful appearance in front of others, yet right now he displayed such a savage look. Seeing just how abnormal he was, Lan XiChen also felt that something was wrong. He immediately turned back to look at Nie HuaiSang.

Jin GuangYao laughed, “Enough! What are you looking at him for? There’s no use! What could you see? You never even saw through me after all those years. HuaiSang, you’re truly impressive.” Nie HuaiSang was tongue-tied, as though he was scared speechless from the sudden accusation. Jin GuangYao spoke with loathing, “How unexpected for me to fall in your hands like this…”

(OH WOW, OH WOW IS THIS ME BEING RIGHT? IS THIS JGY SUSPECTING NHS OF BEING THE ONE RESPONSIBLE FOR EVERYTHING?)

In reality, Jin GuangYao couldn’t move either. With one hand, he grabbed the blade before his chest, steadying himself as he spat out a mouthful of blood, “What a ‘Head Shaker’! No wonder… It must’ve been quite hard to have hidden yourself for so many years!”

OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OM-

EDIT 11:

Jin GuangYao easily read what his eyes meant, laughing out of anger, “Lan XiChen! In this life, I’ve lied countless times, killed countless times. Like you said, I killed my father, my brother, my wife, my son, my teacher, my friend—of all the evil in the world, what haven’t I done?!”

He took in a breath, rasping, “But I’ve never even thought of harming you!”

Lan XiChen was astonished.

finally something i can believe in.

EDIT 12:

Wei WuXian, however, suddenly realized something as he shouted, “He’s not trying to get away!!! ZeWu-Jun, move away from him right now!””

It was already too late. The blood from Jin GuangYao’s severed limb trickled onto the coffin. The blood climbed across where Wei WuXian painted on, destroying the incantations, and dripped inside the coffin through the crack.

Nie MingJue, who had been sealed, broke out from the coffin!

I KNEW HE WOULD DO SOMETHING LIKE THAT, NMJ CAN’T BE SEALED JUST LIKE THAT THIS IS GONNA BE A DISASTER

EDIT 13:

Yet, just as the hand was an instant from grasping Lan XiChen’s neck, Jin GuangYao used the only hand he had left to strike Lan XiChen’s chest, pushing Lan XiChen away.

*sobs* omg jgy

EDIT 14: ....

EDIT 15: .... *sobs*

EDIT 16: ...well, it’s not that i didn’t expect that. mmmh. i’m glad it was some sort of combined effort of lxc and nmj, i think they are the only one who should kill him, since it was very likely to happen. i think it gives some kind of closure to their relationship. uh. now i feel extremely sad.