#i think dhe doesn't get it because she looks at me puzzled

[prossima-nebulosa]

When i say it's hard to speak with some people I always think about my mother because she exemplifies everything that I don't wanna be in life.

I mean she is sweet and I love her, don't get me wrong.

However, she is the kind of person who doesn't get anything you say.

I came out to her and she took it weird, then one day she yelled that I made her desperate or something, don't remember what she said exactly, and she mentioned that the fact i like girls was also part of this.

Then she forgets everything and keeps pestering me about finding a "boyfriend" and makes some disgusting jokes about my sex life, then she jokes that 'maybe you like girls then'.

The same happened when we talked about my brother, she kept repeating it was because he didn't have a girlfriend- when truly that's further from the truth it can get (he's fucking sensible)

It's like talking with a wall, she doesn't get anything, she just reacts in the most boomer way possible, she only cares about what other think of her, and when I say others I mean EVERYONE REALLY. I told her countless times that this mindset was strengthened by being raised in a fucking town where everyone knows everyone that can be just as nice as harmful.

She rejects that idea, but then complains we don't get married when everyone does (and as I say everyone I mean my cousins that recently a) got married b) proposed) because she FUCKING CARES that people will think badly of her (that she raised us wrong? we came out wrong? who knows) hiding it under this guise that she is actually trying to look after us because she wants to see us settled-

(I don't mean to say she doesn't care about us, I know she does, but as I said there's a further reason, something much more pressing that is pushing her)

I tried talking to her, but she doesn't get anything. I think she looks at me and in her mind she just sees a child who doesn't know what's good or what's supposed to do once you grow up-

I don't mean to say I have any idea what to do, but never once in my life I did things just because people told me "It's what everyone does".

Though I believe she expected me and my brother to do just that, which means that we have to a) get married, b) have children c) get a job, and with this I mean a state job obviously.

And this is not just her mentality, it is a widespread one and she is just another piece in the puzzle.