#i think he’d still call her ‘the mac tir’ all his life just to be a bitch

[vigilskeep]

very fun to have tristan in mind as i go through anora’s dialogue file actually, because it’s necessary to the narrative i have in mind that he bears a grudge against the mac tirs as a whole but wow he really would hate her in specific. which almost makes me more committed to putting her on the throne alone this run because i love the weight it gives that choice

[fairfaxleasee]

"Now, where were we? Oh, yes, in the Pit of Despair." + Alistair

For @dadrunkwriting

“Now, where were we?  Oh, yes - in the Pit of Despair.”  Alistair peaked around his wife who had finally managed to track him down where he was hiding behind a curtain with a plate of cheese ready to drag him back.

Amelia Theirin scowled at her husband, “That’s not a pit Alistair, it’s a dance floor.  And honestly, they’re telling you the cheese tastes of despair, whatever that means, so why would you eat it?”  She grabbed the cheese plate with one hand and his arm with the other and dragged him back into the ballroom.

“Uhhh...” Alistair plastered on his best ‘you know you love me’ smile as he thought of his response, “Because it’s cheese?”

Amelia sighed and handed the plate to a passing servant, “Look, I don’t like this any more than you do, but this is our last day here.  Just get through this party and you can eat all the not-despair tasting cheese you want.”

“Really?”

“Yes, but if you eat too much and make yourself sick I’ll have absolutely no sympathy for you.”

Alistair wrapped his arms around his still-obviously-annoyed-with-him wife and pulled her in for a hug, “But, Love, I’ve been stuck in Orlais for a week!”

“Yes, and I’ve been stuck right here with you with Orlesian noblewomen.  Honestly, I preferred the Darkspawn to Orlesian noblewomen; at least they didn’t see the need to spend all day comparing me to my sister.  I swear, if I hear the word ‘bookish’ one more time...”  Amelia tapped a foot on the ground in annoyance.

“I’m sorry, Love,” he rested his head on top of hers.  “I forgot how popular Anora was around here.”

“I’m not actually convinced she was all that popular, I think these people just like to find other’s pain points and prod them incessantly.”

“That does sound like a very Orlesian sport to take up.  Ooh, what if we try to get them to play a good old-fashioned Ferelden sport!  We played stickball all the time when I was training to be a Templar.  Course, all the mud made it a bit hard to actually run, but it did soften the landing when someone knocked you over with a stick.”

He felt her giggle against his chest, “Alistair, I tell you what - if you get Empress Celene to agree to play stickball, I will do whatever you ask.”

“Can I never have to speak to your father again?”

She punched him softly in the shoulder, “I wish you could get along with my father...”

It was Alistair’s turn to scowl.  Loghain Mac Tir was responsible for the deaths of Duncan, Cailin, and countless others at Ostagar.  And if he weren’t Amelia’s father... Alistair wasn’t entirely sure what but he was sure he’d wouldn’t still have to be worried about seeing the man.

“But,” Amelia continued, “I suppose if you get Celene to play stickball, herself, not just with some servant as a proxy mind, I can make some excuse for his next three visits.  Well, after the visit where he watches it happen.”

“Ha!  I’d invite him myself for that!  I’d finally manage to do something he’d actually approve of.”

She tugged at his sleeve, “You know I tell him to get along with you too, right?”

“I know, Love.  And I promise the next time I see him I’ll be on my good behavior.”

“As long as I’m in eyeshot you mean.”

“Or earshot!  Can’t have you leaving me to fend for myself again just because you overhear me call him a spiteful-”

She poked him in the chest, “Alright, yes, I know you hate each other!  But honestly, Alistair, you should be looking on the bright side.”

“Oh?  There’s a bright side to me hating your father?”

She poked him slightly harder.  He let out a soft ‘oof,’ which made her smile for the first time in too much of the conversation.  “No, there’s a bright side of being in Orlais.”

“There is not!  Now I know you’re clever, Amelia, but you are not clever enough to find a bright side of being in Orlais!”

“Oh?  Something else you agree on with my father, that you can actually talk about, isn’t a bright side?”

Alistair considered.  He and Loghain agreed that Amelia was amazing and they loved her, and that the other was the single worst possible person to be Amelia’s father or husband, but he couldn’t imagine what else Amelia thought they were going to agree on.

“You both hate Orlais.”

“Well, yes, I suppose we do, but I’ve suffered more than he has.  He’s never had to be at one of their parties, or seen the inhumane things they’ve done to cheese, or-”

“Alistair?”

“Yes, Love?”

“Just be quiet and come dance with me.  You can tell me all about how this was the worst week of your life on the way back.  I promise not to remind you of the time when I couldn’t walk for over a week because you almost broke my ankle too often.”

“I - well - that’s... well, I suppose if we get to dance, this won’t be the worst week of my life.”

[black-emporium-exchange]

2020 Pinch Hit #7, dawnstone - CLAIMED

This pinch hit will be due at 12 PM EDT on Friday, September  4th. Please leave a comment on this Dreamwidth post (comments are screened), send a message to one of the mods, or send an email to blackemporiumexchange@gmail.com to claim.

Requested relationships:

Lucanis Dellamorte/Zevran Arainai - Fanfiction

Caterina Dellamorte/Zevran Arainai - Fanfiction

Viago De Riva/Andarateia Cantori - Fanfiction

Sky Watcher/Female Trevelyan - Fanfiction

Frederic of Serault & Rylen - Fanfiction

Brother Ferdinand Genitivi/Philliam Trevelyan/Laudine - Fanfiction

Female Amell/Sten - Fanfiction

Female Cousland/Sten - Fanfiction

Female Aeducan/Sten - Fanfiction

Felassan/Solas - Fanfiction

Desire Demon(s)/Solas - Fanfiction

Solas/Wisdom - Fanfiction

Audric & Myrna - Fanfiction

Cole & Justice - Fanfiction

Jowan/Lily/Female Surana - Fanfiction

Hollix/Original Female Human Lord of Fortune - Fanfiction

Hollix/Original Male Human Lord of Fortune - Fanfiction

Hollix/Original Nonbinary Human Lord of Fortune - Fanfiction

Loghain Mac Tir/Female Surana - Fanfiction

Female Hawke/Loghain Mac Tir - Fanfiction

Loghain Mac Tir/Female Trevelyan - Fanfiction

PH 7 - dawnstone

Request #1:

Lucanis Dellamorte/Zevran Arainai

Caterina Dellamorte/Zevran Arainai

Viago De Riva/Andarateia Cantori

Fanfiction

The Antivan Crows have a big spotlight in the recent story collection Tevinter Nights, and I'd love to see what would happen if either Lucanis or Caterina interacted with Zevran, or if they have any history together.

-Lucanis is willing to go outside the bounds of his orders to help people, which is a big no-no in the Crows. I'd love to see what would happen if he and Zevran either had to work together, or became rivals somehow sexy rivals ;D.

-Caterina Dellamorte is the elderly matriarch of her house, First Talon of the Crows, and also a woman known for beating people to death with her cane. How does Zevran regard her (considering his appreciation for older women), and does she have any weakness to his wiles?

-I wonder if Zevran is actively trying to kill either of them or vice versa.

-As for Viago and Teia, how are they faring after the tumultuous events of Eight Little Talons, and have they come in contact with a certain former Crow?

Likes:

-mission fic/case fic where they solve a problem

-loyalty kink, kneeling

-ust, resolved ust, friends to lovers, enemies/rivals to lovers

-pwp smut, dubcon

-angst and hurt/comfort

-friendship, fondness, matured relationships

-slice-of-life, humor & general shenanigans

-wild escapes, daring rescues

-making camp together, cuddling up for warmth

-exploring or expanding on existing canon and lore; worldbuilding

-anything post-canon

DNWs: Rape/Noncon, Modern AU, Character Death, A/B/O Dynamics, Character Bashing, Unrequested Backround Pairings, Crossovers

Request #2:

Sky Watcher/Female Trevelyan

Frederic of Serault & Rylen

Brother Ferdinand Genitivi/Philliam Trevelyan/Laudine

Fanfiction

Genitivi/Philliam/Laudine - they're currently on the lam, running from the Qunari and potentially still sending back intelligence to the Inquisition. How does being in constant close quarters, bar-hopping across Thedas affect these literary luminaries? Philliam and Laudine are previous lovers, how does putting Genitivi (who has a very notoriously saucy pen name) into the mix change things?

Frederic of Serault & Rylen - being stuck out in the Western Approach with few opportunities for entertainment and the constant threat of death by monsters and bandits is an excellent reason to stay in a fortified position like Griffon Wing Keep. Frederic stubbornly continues on with his research even after all of his staff have perished, and Rylen decides to keep an eye on him (Heroes of Dragon Age has Frederic as a mage, but you are free to ignore that since it's not shown in Inquisition).

Sky Watcher/Female Trevelyan - F!Trevelyan is very curious about the Avvar and their traditions; after he's recruited, Sky Watcher (you find out his name is Amund in the Multiplayer) is more than happy to teach her. Feel free to use your own Trevelyan or the default.

Likes:

-mission fic/case fic where they solve a problem

-loyalty kink, kneeling

-ust, resolved ust, friends to lovers, enemies/rivals to lovers

-pwp smut, dubcon

-angst and hurt/comfort

-friendship, fondness, matured relationships

-slice-of-life, humor & general shenanigans

-wild escapes, daring rescues

-making camp together, cuddling up for warmth

-exploring or expanding on existing canon and lore; worldbuilding

-anything post-canon

DNWs: Rape/Noncon, Modern AU, Character Death, A/B/O Dynamics, Character Bashing, Unrequested Backround Pairings, Crossovers

Request #3:

Female Amell/Sten

Female Cousland/Sten

Female Aeducan/Sten

Fanfiction

(The Wardens are obviously not completely interchangeable, but for the purposes of fic what I want from the pairings is the same. I do think F!Aeducan would probably "get" Sten the best, but the conflict in him falling for a mage is also delightful, and Cousland treading carefully while subverting his expectations would be lovely too)

After a Warden gets his approval high enough, Sten starts to call them kadan, which denotes caring about someone deeply. I'd love to read a story where Sten is head over heels with the Warden, and is extremely confused by it. She is the antithesis of everything he believes about women and bas from what he was raised believing in the Qun. His admiration of her is related most to her control of her abilities and/or battle prowess, but also he loves how practical and dutiful she is. She might find his alien point of view fascinating, enjoy carefully drawing out of him more about himself and his people, and learning to understand him better... she's also just generally into how tall and muscular he is.

Sex in Qunari society is supposed to be divorced from love, and when the topic comes up (with Morrigan) Sten seems disenchanted with the act, as well as certain he would harm a non-Qunari partner. It's not important to me if the relationship is sexual (if you can make it work, of course, I would not complain), I'm more interested in displays of mutual caring and affection with these pairings, whether it be defending each other in battle, or sharing some cookies.

Likes:

-mission fic/case fic where they solve a problem

-loyalty kink, kneeling

-ust, resolved ust, friends to lovers, enemies/rivals to lovers

-pwp smut, dubcon

-angst and hurt/comfort

-friendship, fondness, matured relationships

-slice-of-life, humor & general shenanigans

-wild escapes, daring rescues

-making camp together, cuddling up for warmth

-exploring or expanding on existing canon and lore; worldbuilding

-anything post-canon

DNWs: Rape/Noncon, Modern AU, Character Death, A/B/O Dynamics, Character Bashing, Unrequested Backround Pairings, Crossovers

Request #4:

Felassan/Solas

Desire Demon(s)/Solas

Solas/Wisdom

Fanfiction

Desire Demon(s)/Solas - Solas might say he's not tempted easily, but we all know he crumpled like wet paper the first time he was shown affection. Lacking a friendly/romanced Inquisitor, perhaps he has friends in the Fade who don't mind keeping him company. Or maybe one of them is perfectly happy to help him work out an unrequited crush on someone in the Inquisition. If this is the case, I'd prefer they weren't named or described so that the person is kept ambiguous, and keep it about how he knows it's the spirit/demon feeding on his emotions but it also happily helps him deal. Also, what would happen if the Desire Demon took on a physical form just to pursue him in the Waking World? Would he get angry or feel like he has to guide them like he did with Cole?

Felassan/Solas - Yeah, so I don't mind if the story takes place before or after the events of Masked Empire, but if it's after, there has to be some mention of how Felassan survived (he'd have to have been Tranquil for at least a little while), and how he manages to forgive Solas. If it's before, something set right after Solas wakes from uthenera would be nice, or if you want to delve into their relationship during the time of Ancient Elvhenan and the Evanuris, and potentially their days as servants to Mythal or during Fen'Harel's rebellion, that would be cool.

Solas/Wisdom - Wisdom cared deeply for Solas, but the greatest thing keeping them apart romantically would have been their natures in that he was a physical man and she a spirit whom he wouldn't want to twist against her nature (likely into a Desire demon instead of Pride). They are both ancient, so it can be assumed that they found their roles satisfying enough, though it's suspected that Solas was once a Wisdom spirit as well, and perhaps wishes he could go back to being one. I'm generally just curious about how they would spend their time together. Just how long did they know each other? After she dies, Solas looks for her in the Void and finds stirrings of her remains - would he try to put her back together from memories?

Likes:

-mission fic/case fic where they solve a problem

-loyalty kink, kneeling

-ust, resolved ust, friends to lovers, enemies/rivals to lovers

-pwp smut, dubcon

-angst and hurt/comfort

-friendship, fondness, matured relationships

-slice-of-life, humor & general shenanigans

-wild escapes, daring rescues

-making camp together, cuddling up for warmth

-exploring or expanding on existing canon and lore; worldbuilding

-anything post-canon

DNWs: Rape/Noncon, Modern AU, Character Death, A/B/O Dynamics, Character Bashing, Unrequested Backround Pairings, Crossovers

Request #5:

Audric & Myrna

Cole & Justice

Jowan/Lily/Female Surana

Fanfiction

Audric & Myrna - I am still a bit confused about Audric's nature, and just how much of him is still him but I suppose so is Audric - Myrna seems to believe his mortal soul is still remarkably intact. Down Among the Dead Men is Audric & Myrna's origin story, so I guess tell me more about how he adjusts to his "afterlife" working with her and the Mourn Watch, and how she helps give him purpose.

Cole & Justice - Two spirits who had very different experiences once pulled into the Waking World. What would Justice think of Compassion, and vice versa, how would they interact and what would happen if they had to work together. What would Justice pick up on that Cole wouldn't, what would Justice think of Cole creating his own form instead of possessing something? I'm very curious about how they would bounce off of each other.

Jowan/Lily/Female Surana - Perhaps they came together while apprentices, or they were always close friends, but it became something more after the Fifth Blight and Surana tracked them both down again. Maybe she and Jowan have to rescue Lily from Aeonar and things develop from there. If she's not a blood mage, how does Surana come to terms with the dark power Lily and Jowan are willing to use?

Likes:

-mission fic/case fic where they solve a problem

-loyalty kink, kneeling

-ust, resolved ust, friends to lovers, enemies/rivals to lovers

-pwp smut, dubcon

-angst and hurt/comfort

-friendship, fondness, matured relationships

-slice-of-life, humor & general shenanigans

-wild escapes, daring rescues

-making camp together, cuddling up for warmth

-exploring or expanding on existing canon and lore; worldbuilding

-anything post-canon

DNWs: Rape/Noncon, Modern AU, Character Death, A/B/O Dynamics, Character Bashing, Unrequested Backround Pairings, Crossovers

Request #6:

Hollix/Original Female Human Lord of Fortune

Hollix/Original Male Human Lord of Fortune

Hollix/Original Nonbinary Human Lord of Fortune

Fanfiction

So who are the Lords of Fortune, you might want to know?

Well, without recapping Tevinter Nights too much, they're a faction of mercenary adventurers, treasure hunters thieves and seekers of wealth and fame based out of Rivain, who can be of any race or background. They take odd and dangerous jobs from anyone who can pay the fee and have standards, so no working with slavers or punching down against the common folk. A lot of fans believe that our next protagonist in DA4 will be a member of this faction. And well, Hollix is a Lord of Fortune, though don't be deceived by the "Lord" bit, their gender is fluid and they are confirmed as nonbinary by their writer.

Hollix gained their name from Dorian after Hollix crashed a card party he was holding while attempting to spy on him - read "Luck in the Gardens" from Tevinter Nights if you want their whole story.

Writing for one of these pairings is going to require an OC and you can make them however you like, as long as the OC is from Thedas and becomes romantically entangled with Hollix. Hollix is already taking jobs from Dorian and has met Maevaris, so it's not a stretch that the new character would meet via their patrons through another such job - or perhaps they simply met in a tavern much like the one where Hollix tell their story. Go crazy, do worldbuilding, make predictions about the next game, have them do a heist, I'm all ears. :D

Likes:

-mission fic/case fic where they solve a problem

-loyalty kink, kneeling

-ust, resolved ust, friends to lovers, enemies/rivals to lovers

-pwp smut, dubcon

-angst and hurt/comfort

-friendship, fondness, matured relationships

-slice-of-life, humor & general shenanigans

-wild escapes, daring rescues

-making camp together, cuddling up for warmth

-exploring or expanding on existing canon and lore; worldbuilding

-anything post-canon

DNWs: Rape/Noncon, Modern AU, Character Death, A/B/O Dynamics, Character Bashing, Unrequested Backround Pairings, Crossovers

Request #7:

Loghain Mac Tir/Female Surana

Female Hawke/Loghain Mac Tir

Loghain Mac Tir/Female Trevelyan

Fanfiction

F!Hawke/Loghain - In the very unusual instance that Loghain survives to see Inquisition, he can be Hawke's Warden contact. I'd love something about how they met and Hawke's feelings about this man who did so much damage to the country she grew up in, but also who has worked to make restitution in the Wardens. They're both a bit adrift and away from home, heroes whose stars have diminished or fallen. How do they come together, and who ends up staying in the Fade?

Loghain/F!Surana - What made Warden Surana spare Loghain, and when do they realize they're in love? Does she convince him to do the Dark Ritual, or does one of them die against the Archdemon? Do they fall for each other in Vigil's Keep, after she's Warden Commander, or do they end up travelling to Weisshaupt together after the events at Adamant (and having survived yet again against all odds, Loghain tells Neria he's in love with her)? I'm open to any of these scenarios or anything else you might come up with.

Loghain/F!Trevelyan - The Inquisitor's work is nonstop and Loghain has a small window where he's at Skyhold and then he's either lost to the Fade or on his way to Weisshaupt. When and where do they manage to squeeze in a relationship, and what happens to make them realize their attraction? I'd love to see the reactions of the other followers, and if they are apart maybe them teasing Trevelyan a bit about her DILF paramour.

Likes:

-mission fic/case fic where they solve a problem

-loyalty kink, kneeling

-ust, resolved ust, friends to lovers, enemies/rivals to lovers

-pwp smut, dubcon

-angst and hurt/comfort

-friendship, fondness, matured relationships

-slice-of-life, humor & general shenanigans

-wild escapes, daring rescues

-making camp together, cuddling up for warmth

-exploring or expanding on existing canon and lore; worldbuilding

-anything post-canon

DNWs: Rape/Noncon, Modern AU, Character Death, A/B/O Dynamics, Character Bashing, Unrequested Backround Pairings, Crossovers

[shannaraisles]

Roll For Initiative

A commission piece for @lechatrouge673, who told me to write something that made me happy. So I ran with the DnD idea!

***

"All right, everyone ready? Settled in?"

Erin looked around the table, snorting with laughter at the sight of her brother, Patrick, attempting to steal yet more of Ana's pierogi off her plate, only to earn himself a slap on the hand and a sharp look. Across the table, Brian was finishing off his sandwich hurriedly, and Toby was - of course - going through his dice ritual to decide which ones made the cut for tonight. They were down a couple of players today, and a couple were going to be late, but that wasn't a game killer. What she had in mind for this weekend was adaptable.

"Recap away, noodle," Patrick managed through his last mouthful, wiping his hands as he did so.

"All right, then."

She drew in a slow breath, settling her thoughts, and began.

"Feeble Noobs ... "

Why did I ever let them call themselves that?

"Following a harrowing adventure in search of Andraste's Ashes, you succeeded in passing the Gauntlet of Faith, proving yourselves worthy to take a pinch of the Ashes back to Redcliffe to cure Arl Eamon and restore him to health. In gratitude for what you did, and for saving his son, as well as concern for the future of the country, he agreed to lend his voice in opposition to Teyrn Loghain Mac Tir in the upcoming Landsmeet. However, his plan involves supplanting Queen Anora, and putting Alistair on the throne instead, since your reluctant paladin is the illegitimate son of the former king, Maric."

"Backstory comes to bite me in the arse," Brian muttered with a grin.

"That's what backstory is for," Erin assured him cheerfully. "You returned to Denerim with the arl, setting up base at his estate, and began to explore the city, hoping to make a connection with some of the nobles and win them to your side. You were attacked by the Antivan Crows, lead by a former colleague of your friend Zevran, who wanted to fulfill his contract on the Grey Wardens and take him back with them. Zevran chose to place himself between Darrian and Alistair, and his former colleagues, and after a tough fight, you emerged victorious. You then decided to treat yourselves to a night at The Pearl, Denerim's foremost brothel, which I am never going to forget -"

The laughter at the table was a very clear reminder that allowing her players to have too much fun at her expense was going to turn into a story for all the years to come. Jenny, as Zevran, had insisted on sampling the delights of all the men and women at The Pearl once she'd discovered it was a fade to black situation, just to make Erin describe and play an increasingly odd selection of throwaway NPCs made up on the spot.

"Upon returning to Arl Eamon's estate, you found Erlina, Queen Anora's elven companion, beside herself with worry. Arl Howe, Loghain's right-hand man, had imprisoned the queen in his city estate. Against Eamon's wishes, you decided to rescue her. and with a series of truly stunning stealth rolls, and one very lucky save, you made your way into the Howe estate, where you freed Soris, Darrian's cousin, and discovered a few means by which you can sway some of the nobles to your cause. You were confronted by Howe himself, and managed to take down both him and his elite guard, freeing Queen Anora in the process. However, when you attempted to leave, you were stopped by Ser Cauthrien, Loghain's loyal commander, and a large number of city guards, who demanded that the Grey Wardens surrender and be put under arrest. Rather than risk the queen's presence in your midst being discovered, Darrian and Alistair voluntarily surrendered, allowing the rest of your party to escape back to Eamon's estate with the queen. And that is where we will pick up ..."

"Hey, you missed out me saving Sten's life with my amazing druid healing skills," Patrick objected mischievously.

"You're a dog, shut up," was Erin's response, sticking her tongue out at her brother for a moment before turning to Brian and Toby.

"Alistair and Darrian," she said, "you come to on filthy blankets in a dark, dingy prison. You’re in a cage - one of many that you can see lining the walls - and you can see other prisoners, some of whom have clearly been tortured, some lying very still. Your equipment, your armor, even your clothes have been taken off you as you lay unconscious. There’s a single guard patrolling the floor outside the cages. What do you do?"

"We're naked?" Brian asked in surprise.

"They've left your underpants on you, but everything else is gone," Erin clarified.

"Is there anything in our cell, or in the cells that I can reach through the bars, that I could use to pick the lock?" Toby inquired. He was always first to jump into the action if he possibly could.

"Roll an investigation check."

"While Darrian's grubbing around on the floor, Alistair's going to wrap the blanket around himself like a girl getting out of the shower," Brian interjected over the sound of rolling dice.

"Ha!" Ana grinned at him across the table. "I knew Alistair had a thing for Darrian!"

"No, he's just worried about offending his friend with the indecency of his ... manly nipples," Brian countered, blatantly not believing a word he was saying.

"5, so that's ... 10," Toby piped up.

Erin glanced at her sheet.

"You root around for a while, reaching through the bars to the cells on either side, but you don't come up with anything that could be used as a lock pick," she said. "As you finish your investigation, the guard rounds the corner to walk by your cell."

"I whip my hand back into the cell and turn to Alistair." Toby assumed his chosen accent for Darrian with an ease that made Brian mock glare at him. "What in the Void are you doin'?"

"I look embarrassed and shuffle a bit, tucking my blanket tighter around my manliness," Brian said, taking a moment to find Alistair's voice again before adding, "It's cold in here."

"What, worried y'goin' to poke my eye out with your nips?"

"Well, you do stand very close sometimes." Brian bit down on a laugh that would have destroyed his accent, and went on. "So what do we do?"

"How well armed and armored is the guard?" Toby asked Erin.

"Standard for a prison guard," she mused. "Splint mail, helmet, longsword and dagger."

"Showing any interest in us?"

"Apart from a glance in to make sure you're still there, he doesn't seem interested," she said. "Guard duty's guard duty, and you're all but naked and locked in a cage."

"Okay." Toby slipped back into Darrian as he turned to Brian. "You play sick, and when 'e comes in, I'll jump 'im."

"What with? A handful of ... what is that, poop? Ergh."

"Just do it."

Brian rolled his eyes, grinning, and turned to Erin.

"Alistair is very reluctantly going to fall down in a swoon and start groaning like there's a bear sitting on top of him," he declared cheerfully, already reaching for his dice.

"Darrian will yell for the guard to come and take a look," Toby added.

"All right." Erin considered this briefly. "Alistair, roll me a performance check."

"Performance? Ugh ..."

The dice rattled on the table. Brian took one look at the roll, and thumped his forehead onto the dice tray, holding up a single digit.

"Natural one!"

As the rest of the group burst out laughing, Erin giggled her way through the guard's reaction.

"So, while Alistair's lying on the ground making ridiculous noises, the guard comes to the cell door and looks in, and he just, he's not impressed," she said, lowering her timbre for the guard. "Very nice. D'you do duck impressions too?"

Brian snorted. "Alistair stops groaning and just looks up at the guard, sort of pouting," he said. "You don't think I have a career on the stage then?"

"Mate, you're gonna be dead in the morning, so do what you like," was the guard's response.

"How close is he to the bars?" Toby asked.

"Couple of feet," Erin answered.

"Great. I launch myself at the cell door and try to grab him through the bars."

"This is why we need Darrian," Ana commented to Patrick. "He just does stuff."

"Oh, woof." Patrick nodded sagely in agreement, laughing as she backhanded his shoulder lightly. "What? I'm a dog!"

"You're an idiot," Ana informed him with a smile.

"Roll, um ..." Erin drummed her fingers for a moment. "You know what, just roll a straight dexterity check for me."

"Twenty." Toby shook his head as she opened her mouth. "Not natural."

"Okay, well, while the guard is laughing at Alistair, Darrian rushes the bars and manages to grab him by the collar of his mail," Erin said, ignoring the quiet conversation to her right. "What do you want to do with him?"

"I want to ... yank him hard and try and knock him out against the bars," Toby decided.

"Bear in mind, you're rolling against his AC, and your arm is thrust through a space about six inches wide," she reminded him. "Give me a strength check at disadvantage."

"Oh god, strength is really not my strong suit," Toby muttered, rolling his d20 twice. "Yeah, I'm a weakling. Doesn't happen."

"What did you get?" Patrick asked curiously.

"Rolled a five and a two, so that's three," Toby said with a grin.

"All right, so as you go to yank him toward the bars, the guard pulls backwards, and your grip just isn't enough to hold onto him as he backs up," Erin narrated. "Don't you try that again, y'hear? Bloody Wardens. He scowls at you, but he doesn't come close again, just turns and goes back on his round of the prison floor."

"Can't say you didn't try," Brian said encouragingly. "So what do we do now?"

"I'm out of ideas. S'pose we're waitin' to be rescued now." Toby smirked across the table at the other two. "Over to you, fearless warriors."

"Oh, yeah, this is going to go really well," Ana drawled, glancing at Patrick.

Anyone playing off him tended to have a bit of a rough go of it because of his obtuse character creation. He'd agreed to play the game when his little sister had begged, but his condition had been that he was allowed to create his own unique character. What he had come up with was a druid stuck permanently in dog form, which made for some interesting scenarios.

"All right, so - for the sake of brevity - let's say that you got Anora safely back to Arl Eamon's estate, and it was decided that Sten and ... the dog ... have the best chance of getting the Wardens out safely," Erin said. She knew this group too well to let them have a debate, even when there were only two of them involved in it.

"Sten, Barkspawn ... you approach Fort Drakon. It's a walled, heavily fortified keep, pretty much in the center of the city, named after the Orlesian emperor who founded the Andrastian Chantry. It's the oldest building in Denerim, built out of heavy gray granite, and it kind of squats on the landscape in a series of concentric circles built around a very tall tower in the center. There are two guards on the main gate, but they don't challenge you as you pass through. What do you do?"

Ana straightened her shoulders, channeling her inner Qunari as she dropped her timbre into her character's voice.

"They call this a fort? I thought it would be bigger."

"Woof."

A shared snort of laughter went up from the other side of the table as Ana glared at Patrick. Evidently he wasn't going to make this easy on her, role-play wise. He gave her an innocent smile in answer.

"Stands to reason that the cells would be in the tower," Anna mused, apparently deciding to ignore Patrick's insight for the time being. "So I guess we go to the tower?"

Erin nodded.

"Okay then," she said, checking her notes swiftly. "The tower is easily the tallest building in the city. It's also very wide. I mean, you could fit a couple of dragons in this thing with room to spare. There are more guards in evidence in the courtyard around it, but nobody challenges you as you make your way to the door of the tower itself. However, as you approach this enormous, thick-oak door, the two guards in front of it step forward and bar your way. They are better armored and armed than the guards on the main gate of the outer wall, but they seem kind of weary, kind of bored. Door duty isn't exactly rife with excitement. One of them holds up his hand, and says to you, Sten, What is your business in Fort Drakon?"

"Barkspawn stands up a little straighter, and just looks the guy right in the eye," Patrick piped up. "Staring him down like only a mabari can."

"Sten's doing pretty much the same," Ana agreed. "He looms over the guard. I'm a giant with a war dog. Either I am making a delivery, or I am beseiging your fort. Hope for the former."

Erin chuckled. She loved the way Sten had developed over the last months.

"Okay, make a persuasion check for me."

"Why not deception?" Brian asked out of curiosity.

"Didn't actually tell a lie," she explained, as the dice rolled.

"Oh geez, my persuasion is crap," Ana was muttering, looking up to add, "Nine."

"The guard looks you up and down, and then over to the dog staring at him, and exchanges a look with his fellow guard. They don't seem to be buying this. I wasn't told we were getting a mabari."

"Must I point out the obvious?" Ana tried again, putting a growl into her voice that made Patrick blink in surprise. "I am a large, impatient man with a war dog. Either let us in, or get someone who will."

"Barkspawn growls in agreement with him," Patrick offered hopefully. "Teeth bared, muscles tensed. Looking like he really wants to rip someone's throat out."

"Uh, all right." Laughing, Erin shook her head. "Roll for intimidation, with advantage, since Barkspawn's helping you."

Again, the dice rolled, and Patrick let out a whoop of triumph as Ana grinned.

"I rolled a four, and a natural twenty, so twenty-six," she declared cheerfully, setting Brian and Toby to praising the roll enthusiastically.

"Well, you are a large, impatient man, fully armed, with a war dog, and these guys just don't get paid enough to deal with things like this," Erin told them. "I can't believe that worked ... They look to each other, and back to you, and step away hurriedly. Uh, all right. You, uh ... go inside, and wait in the room on the right there. We'll, um ... The captain'll come and see you. One of them pushes the door open and hurries inside, and the other gestures for you to follow him, while keeping as far away from the two of you as he possibly can while at the same time trying not to look scared. The one who went ahead of you gestures toward an antechamber to the right side, and hurries off to find the captain, leaving you both alone. What do you do?"

There was a moment of pause.

"Sten really doesn't like being kept waiting," Ana mused, eyeing Patrick thoughtfully. "This is pointless. We should go in fighting."

"Barkspawn barks back in agreement," Patrick answered. "I mean, we're inside now. It can't be that difficult to find the cells, right?"

"Oh my god, are you really going to do that?" Toby asked, incredulous disbelief written all over his smiling face. "You're just going to fight your way through a whole fort?"

"Sure, why not?" Ana shrugged, and looked over at Erin. "I draw my sword, and wait by the door for the captain to come in. When he does, I'm gonna swing at him."

"While Sten goes for his body, I'll pounce his legs and try to knock him prone," Patrick said, picking up his dice.

"All right then."

Erin couldn't quite believe that the admittedly bad plan to talk their way in had suddenly become the worse plan of fighting their way in, but that was D&D. Groping for her character stats sheets, she fumbled for the captain.

"You're left waiting for no more than a few minutes, enough time to get into position by the door, and the captain's footsteps make it very obvious when he's coming. You go as soon as he steps in through the doorway?"

"Yep, the second I see him." Ana rolled her dice, checking her own sheet as Patrick did the same. "Twenty-eight to hit?"

"That hits, roll damage. Patrick?"

"Twenty-five."

"Nice rolls - that hits as well." Erin glanced down at her sheet, rolling her own dice quickly to see if her NPC might be able to avoid either of these. "Actually, Barkspawn, roll a dexterity check for me quick to see if you can get him off his feet."

"Sixteen damage," Ana said, leaning forward hopefully.

"So, as the captain of the guard steps in through the doorway, Sten swings his massive greataxe, and it sinks into the captain's shoulder, crunching through plate armor and pressing chain-mail and cloth into quite a significant wound. Blood spurts out as he yells in pain, the sound echoing down the hallway he came from. Patrick, what did you get?"

"I rolled a seventeen on the dex, and a ... three damage." Patrick threw Brian a dirty look across the table as the other man laughed. "What? I only have teeth and claws!"

"Well, he rolled a four on his saving throw," Erin assured him, "so as Sten rips the axe out of this gaping, bleeding wound in the captain's shoulder, Barkspawn charges toward him, gripping one of his ankles in his vicious teeth and pulling hard. The captain staggers, and falls down hard. He is now prone."

"Do I get an attack of opportunity?" Ana asked hopefully. "Since, you know, he's gone from standing in front of me to lying on the floor."

"Technically ... no," Erin began to say, but she knew better than to force a technical point. What was the point of the game if it wasn’t fun? "But in this instance, why not? Roll another attack, with advantage because he's prone."

"Excellent."

"You're so blood-thirsty," Patrick commented over the sound of the dice rolls. "I love it."

"I'm a large, impatient man with a greataxe," Ana answered cheerfully. "Twenty-six again, and fourteen damage."

"As the guard captain falls, Sten takes another swing with his greataxe, and this time the blade sinks into the man's leg, blood flowing freely from this new wound as he screams in pain again. He's hurting, but he's not dead, and you can hear the sounds of other guards rushing toward the sound of his screams."

"I cast Polymorph on him while he's down," Patrick announced, one finger in the air as he scanned his spell sheet.

"What's the save on that?" Erin picked up her dice to roll.

"Uh, that is ... wait for it, wait for it ..." He peered at his sheet, scanning desperately for the appropriate number. "I really need to organize this - oh! Wisdom, fifteen!"

Erin rolled for the saving throw, and snorted with laughter.

"Natural three," she laughed, shaking her head again. "What are you turning him into?"

"A flea," her brother said firmly.

"Seriously?" Ana looked at him in astonishment. "You know he's just gonna bite you to all hell."

"Yeah, but I'm a dog," he pointed out. "What's another flea?"

To the sound of the laughter rising around the table, Erin tried to get control of the narrative again.

"All right. As the sound of the approaching guards gets louder, Barkspawn channels his druidic magic, and suddenly the guard captain is no longer visible. A moment later, you feel a sharp bite on the inside of your ear."

"I scratch that ear." Patrick grinned.

"Fair enough, okay. But as you look up, you see four more guards heading toward you, swords drawn, ready to fight."

Erin looked at Ana and Patrick with a slightly evil grin.

"Roll for initiative."