#i dont think this is without a certain kind of empathy though

[vigilskeep]

very fun to have tristan in mind as i go through anora’s dialogue file actually, because it’s necessary to the narrative i have in mind that he bears a grudge against the mac tirs as a whole but wow he really would hate her in specific. which almost makes me more committed to putting her on the throne alone this run because i love the weight it gives that choice

[clanwarrior-tumbly]

Hello!! Can I request some headcanons about Rantaro, Mukuro, Kazu, Taka, Kokichi, Nagito and Leon with SHSL Moodkeeper/Caregiver (i dont know the word)? They is, like, always on a guard to calmly end every arguments and tences in their group, and to give a hand or shoulder for cry to anyone who is in a bad mood. Ultimate stress-relive person, i guess? Also, they has good empathy, but still is very bad in guessing ofters opinion about them, so they really didnt notice someone loving them. Thx!!

I’d say they’re a SHSL Peacekeeper! ^^

.......

Rantaro

He likes how you mediate situations when they start getting out of hand.

Of course, he’s good at calming people down, too, though he’s glad to see you step in as well.

The fact you could settle conflicts between the rowdy ones like Kaito, Miu, and Kokichi so easily is like a miracle.

You also swiftly came to Kaede’s defense when everyone got upset with her for forcing them through the Death Road of Despair. 

Before leaving, Rantaro witnessed you hugging the pianist as she cried.

You’re just so kind and caring to everybody.

It was those positive qualities of yours that just naturally...drew him to you.

And eventually they made him fall for you completely.

But despite your talent of reading people like open books...you aren’t too certain about what they think of you.

So when Rantaro hangs out with you more, you just believe he’s a close friend and nothing more.

Though when he visits your lab one day with your favorite gift and asks you out...you pretty much short-circuit.

Someone as sweet and as handsome as him??? Liking you?????

Mukuro

Watching you resolve conflicts without violence is an eye-opening experience for her.

You mean you don’t have to threaten to stab someone??? Or prepare yourself for an attack???

So when you break up a fight between her and Junko with just your words alone, she’s completely baffled.

You feel bad for Mukuro, helping her up when her sister kicks her down, saying she doesn’t deserve to be degraded so much.

She’s even more confused because she thought the insults were Junko’s way of showing familial love.

But perhaps..the soldier was wrong about that.

Over time, she starts giving you more of her attention.

Makoto smiling at her was one thing..but for you to actually care about her?

She just wants to give every bit of her heart to you.

But you aren’t sure what she exactly thinks of you, so...for a while you don’t notice.

She’ll never get past admiration from a distance, though, as she doesn’t know how to express those feelings to you.

Eventually, you’ll notice and reciprocate them.

Kazuichi

He’s perplexed at how the hell you manage to keep so calm all the time, especially when almost everyone was panicking on the island..

No matter how much the class argues, you always end those debates peacefully somehow--even in trials.

After spending some time with you, he eventually confides in you about his insecurities and such.

And you always listen no matter how much he pours his heart out to you.

You just pat his back and offer your sympathy whenever he gets emotional, never judging him.

He’s glad he can someone to rely on..to the point where he feels like he can be his true self around you.

He grows to like you for more than just your talent, though.

You have great looks and a cool personality!

Unfortunately you’re kinda oblivious, so he’s nervous to confess in fear you won’t return the feelings.

He’ll probably need advice from his buddies.

Taka

Like him, you always strive to reach the best compromise among your peers.

And he admires that a lot!

You usually solve conflicts sooner than he does (probably because you aren’t always yelling and can read the room better).

Plus, you’ve taken a sort of therapist role in the class, having a lot of empathy (which Taka himself sometimes lacks) and always willing to help people out.

Sometimes he’ll go to you just to rant about the stress of his studies and whatever else he’s dealing with.

He trusts you enough and thinks venting is a healthy way to get his emotions out.

The talks often end with you hugging him while he cries into your shoulder.

But he always feels a hundred times better afterwards.

It’s not long before he finds himself catching feelings for you.

He can hardly look you in the eyes while you’re speaking, tending to blush when you just smile in his general direction.

Like Kaz, he’ll probably need advice from someone because he doesn’t know how to confront these new feelings.

Kokichi

You two are basically polar opposites.

He’s a little shithead that gets people riled up on purpose.

While you’re the mediator who reassures them he just wants to cause mischief.

Not even he can say he’s lying about that.

So he makes it his mission to get you annoyed with him.

He’ll try speaking over you by blurting out another lie in trials...

Only to pout when you ignore him.

Then he tries cheating in games he plays with you..

Only for you to explain how it’s more fun when everyone plays fairly.

There’s just no winning for him, so he eventually stops and huffs.

You definitely like playing hard-to-get.

Especially when he realizes you’ve become more than just a “friend he can annoy” in his eyes.

He’ll get frustrated when you don’t immediately realize that, too, though.

Nagito

Of all the talents he’s observed, he finds yours most admirable.

Insists you should never let yourself--or anyone--take your talent for granted (and of course, you don’t).

He sees you lending a helping hand to anyone who needs it and is awestruck

You’re truly a shining example of hope.

He’s hesitant to come to you with any of his troubles, convinced trash like him isn’t worth your time.

But you empathize with him and understand why he feels that way.

He’s been stuck in a cycle of luck all his life, usually hurting or killing those close to him.

As time goes on, though, you get him to open up.

Soon he falls in love with not only your hope...but also, well, you.

He’d tell you directly, but...it would be more interesting to watch you figure that out yourself.

Leon

He's surprised how easily you can settle disputes with everyone.

Doesn’t it get tiring for you?

Though you always tell him it’s never a bother.

You understand everyone has their insecurities and tend to lash out.

He gets a bit defensive when he realizes you mean him, too.

But he just proved your point.

Sometimes he’ll rant to you about baseball practice giving him unneeded pressure and his uncertainties about what he really wants to do in life.

You suggest he feels misguided due to his attempts to impress random girls instead of focusing on himself.

He’s stunned you could read him like an open book.

Before long, he finds himself lovestruck yet again--not just because of your looks but also because of your sweet and upbeat nature.

So he tries improving himself first before he’s ready to ask you out.

Though when you don’t know for sure how he feels around you...he’ll get agitated and ends up blurting out his confession.

[trashcatsnark]

Your recent posts about Cyberpunk are everything to me! It is such a pleasure when I see you answered a new question. I actually keep checking the tag to see if there is something new from you.

So if that is okay with you I would like a ask you one because I would love to have your opinion on the matter. How do you think Johnny pre ending would react to realizing V is developing feelings for him, despite their doomed future (even though everything turns out to be great with V living and Johnny having a body because that is the only canon ending that matters)?

AHHHHH THANK YOU SO MUCH YOU’RE MAKING ME BLUSH, AHHH IM GLAD YOU’RE ENJOYING THE POSTS (I was a little worried I’ve been flooding tags and annoying people, so that’s really reassuring) 

Spoilers as always!

Okay, so I thought about this for a long while and was mostly torn between two camps of thought, because I also think Johnny would be torn between his thoughts. Johnny himself can be very reckless and has thoughts, beliefs, that contradict with his own behavior. He can go from beating V up, to chatting to them in a diner, to trying to use them, to promising to die for them all within the span of a few weeks. He loved Alt but screamed that she was only a fuck to him. He loved Rogue, but cheated on her. Kerry was his best friend, but he was never above mistreating and manipulating him. He claims he wants to change the world to protect the people in it, but often shows no empathy or kindness for those very people. He preaches the value of change but allowed himself to stagnate. He promises to die for V, wants to save them, but when he has control he does stuff that could very well kill them (excessive drugs, alcohol, and the car crash he caused). Combine that with his newly developing desire to change and be a better person; he can be hard to really understand, even to himself. 

So, what are these camps of thought for if he realized while still an engram that V unequivocally and unquestionably love him in a romantic way, despite the way he “knows” this will end. 

Well, in another time and place, another Johnny. He’d probably use this as an excuse to get V in bed, then discredit their feelings because he can’t handle it then destroy the entire relationship. Because there has always and may always be a part of him that when people get too close, he wants to push them away. Don’t get through the walls, he only wants people to see a certain side and part of him, he can’t let them get too close. So, anytime he realizes someones starting to chip through those walls, he starts throwing the bricks at them. Hell, after clouds, if V states “yeah I get it, that’s how they killed you, I saw your memories” Johnny gets visibly uncomfortable and says “okay.... we’ll get back to that later” The idea that V, a stranger still practically at this time, knows his memories...knows him in this weirdly deep way, makes him so fucking uncomfortable. 

Sidenote, kinda: this is something him and V (albeit V is typically less aggressive about it) have in common. Think of how few people know V’s real name or have been granted the right to call them by it. Think of how despite Jackie being their best friend, they still knew so little about him, he still wasn’t allowed to call them by their real name. They’re clearly upset when the doll says their name. Johnny and V are both people who have put wall after wall between themselves and everyone else. And now in a twist of fate, Johnny’s been shot like a cannonball through his own walls and V’s, so there’s now not a single wall between these two strangers and they both hate it until they dont. 

Back to the point, there’s a part of Johnny that instinctively wants to seek a way to destroy it, to ruin all that he’s built with V because he’s terrified of crossing that final line, that one last barrier, of truly being who he wants to be and being with V in that way. He’s terrified of what it means, and he’s terrified that he won’t be enough, that he’s too fucked up and broken to deserve it, that there’s still something inside of him that V hasn’t seen and when they do they’ll leave him in the dust. And that aggro, selfish, scared bastard part of him screams at him to never let it get that far; tear it all down so it never happens. 

But he is changing and doesn’t want to hurt V. So, he refuses to use them though that little voice tells him to take the most he’s comfortable taking (ie sex) then throw the rest away. He shuts that voice out, refuses to let himself do that to V, he’s done with that. Though a part of him feels guilty to even have that thought, how can he be such a bastard, maybe he’s not changing as much as V gives him credit for... 

So, he may pull away (as much as he can) for a bit. Talk to V less, stay in their head more. Not because he necessarily wants to hurt or distance himself, but he needs time to think. He knows he feels the same way, but he’s scared of so many things. Hurting V, them realizing he’s too shitty of a guy to date, what happens after he’s gone? How will they feel, won’t that make it hurt worse? 

But, if he loves them, and they love him. And this is all the time they have left, maybe they should just enjoy it. 

So, maybe, he thinks, he should ignore it. Pretend he didn’t hear and move on as if nothing has changed. But, maybe, he also thinks he can’t, that he shouldn’t that denying them both something they clearly want will hurt more than losing it in the end. 

Johnny has always been big on enjoying the good things while you can, those little moments where even he could find peace and happiness. It was after all something he got upset at Alt for “always gotta ruin it, always gotta shit on the moment dont you?”, even with his date with Rogue, he just wanted a nice night at the movies, a night to pretend all was the way it was before and to ignore reality for a night; but too much had changed. 

And a part of him worries that it’s selfish too, he still isn’t quite certain of when he’s being a selfish bastard and when he isn’t. Maybe it’s wrong to want to take that time to just say fuck it; even if he’s gone in the next week, let it be the best week he could ever hope for. Squeeze as much love and time together into whatever they have left. 

Ultimately, he realizes that’s what he wants, he wants to just say fuck it and let himself fucking enjoy whatever they can, whether its’ days, weeks, or hell maybe he can even get a full month before he gets wiped. But, what the fuck does V want? He knows what they feel, but not what they wanna do about it, and maybe that’s the more selfish thing...doing all this thinking and figuring without even asking V what they want. 

So, he decides to stop spinning his fucking mental wheels and ask them. Tell them, he knows how they feel and if they want he’ll forget he ever found out, this conversation can end here. They can pretend those feelings don’t exist, Move on and continue as they always have; because at the end of this he will be wiped to save them. He will die for them, because he knows the chances of saving them both are slim and none, and slim died a while back. He made his promise and he meant it. He will do them no harm and he will die so they can live the ife they deserve. That is how this ends and it’s the only ending he’ll accept (so he thinks). So, knowing that and knowing what a rat bastard he was, maybe still is, knowing he can’t give much, hell he’s not sure he can give anything; do they still want more, they still want him in that way, do they truly still want to love and be loved by him knowing they’ll have to let him go and that that time ain’t too far off? Cause he knows what he wants. 

[mariaiscrafting]

I have wondered why some people in the fandom are so whined up about critisising the lore. One the reasons is the that the cc's would get upset over critisism. I mean they probably are prepared for it so why bother thinking about it.

Its just minecraft rp, dont critisize is one of the things. Why would it not be able to be critiuqed. It doesnt make sense. Of course it should be chiller than normal show or smth. But you can should be able to critise it. Especially if its really not doing good.

Ooh, okay, hot take, but I mostly agree with you, anon. I think the important distinction in this conversation is constructive criticism and straight-up attacks. 

I’m gonna tackle this subject with the following hypothesis of mine: most people who defend CCs against criticism are doing it because they are attached to the CCs they want to protect, and/or are attached to the SMP plot itself. With that as my basis for my following argument, I’d like to point out that this motivation is not inherently a good or bad thing. It can be good, in that it allows for more empathy from the eyes of someone capable of critiquing the plot - that is, further understanding of the many factors in CCs’ lives preventing them from making the plot as perfect as possible. But it can also be bad, in that it can make one illogically biased in favor of certain aspects of the plot and/or CCs, resulting in adamant, vitriolic defense of the thing/person they’re attached to. 

SO, what I’d like to say is this: yes, criticism should be allowed and even encouraged. But only constructive criticism. Some criticism - mostly from people outside the fandom - is simply an attack on that CC or a part of the plot they personally dislike, and while you can do whatever you like on social media because you have that right, I personally don’t think this kind of criticism will have any positive impact; essentially, I think it’s useless, fruitless, and a waste. BUT, I do highly encourage constructive criticism. On Twitter, where CCs can see it, internalize it, and build off it, it can actually expose CCs to perspectives on their work that they didn’t realize, and, subsequently, to errors they’ve made or ways in which they can feasibly improve. On places like Tumblr, where CCs probably won’t see it, criticism can still be productive discussions within the fandom. Really, without the threat of criticism, there would be no spark within a fandom or motivation for a creator to improve beyond their own, intrinsic motivation to do so. 

Though still, I think that, at the end of the day, we should 100% remember this is just block game RP. Like, we need to understand the reasons for why the CCs might miss the mark on the things we criticize. We also need to be respectful of CCs and our fellow fans/stans. Straight-up expressing hatred for a CC’s work or for fans on the basis of their likes/dislikes is just... not a thing that should be happening within the space of block game RP discourse.

[phonecallwithsatan]

just look for my owl (three)

a.n. : I am in awe that there are TEN of you that follow me. I don’t even care if I get bullied for geeking out over ten followers. I’m so happy and glad you all enjoy what i’ve written. My lovelies, here is chapter three of this series. I think its getting interesting but im too scared to add mature stuff in here because i dont know how you all will react. Look at me, speaking to my ten followers. It’s a press conference at this point. Chap. four is soon to follow tonight so please keep out for that! This fic is a they/them reader, so  I will only refer to you as they/them. 3k words, fred weasley x y/n, enjoy!<3

Our beloved Fred Weasley falls for Ilvermorny student [y/n] [l/n]. He’s determined to get to them, but the only way he can is through post sent through the two. The only thing left for the pair is to just look for an owl.

Check out chapter two before you read this!

☾

It had been four days since that owl came in to deliver Fred Weasley’s Professor a parcel from [Y/n l/n]. 

It had been four days since Fred hadn’t stopped thinking about [y/n].

Luckily, no suspicions from his professor were brought up about the missing photo, and he was glad. The professor even came in during his quidditch practice to chat with the students cheerfully, even taking a few photos of the team as a whole and separately. 

Today was the 31st of October, and the Triwizard champions were chosen shortly after Fred began to dig into his food, irritated at the interruption that faced him.

Or maybe he should say the Quartet champions now that Harry was facing the tournament too.

Dinner wrapped up a bit after that, and the two twins carried on to their dorms surprisingly silent the whole way. Not causing any ruckus or speaking even.

Perhaps it was because they were disappointed at the selection of Harry even though he was younger than the two twins. They could have had a chance now that he was chosen, but Fred knew that it wasn’t about that.

He didn't know about his twin at the moment, normally he does, but Fred was in a hurry to get to his dorm and sleep, as he had no homework.

Everyday for these past four days, Fred has dreamed about [y/n]. Dreaming, thinking, pondering, it was all connected to them. Not a particular storyline, not at all, his dreams were more of the idea of a real-life physical them.

[y/n] in his jumper, [y/n] in Hogwarts robes, their hand in his under the table during dinner at the great hall, how they would say his name in any context. His thoughts were severely occupied with them and Fred was okay with that.

These ideas followed their way through the portrait hole, into the Gryffindor common room, and up the stairs to the boys dorm. 

He had yet to wash himself off after his long day, so Fred went off to the left side of the dorm to access his trunk at the end of his bed. He takes out a simple orange towel and closes the chest up. He then takes off his sweater vest only to place it on his bedspread.

Walking over to his bedside table, Fred decides to let [y/n] take a dip into his daydreams as he looks in his drawer for the photo of them.

No, thinks Fred. No, no, no, no, no, cascading words now fill Fred’s brain as he panics about the fact that his polaroid was missing.

The polaroid of [y/n] was now missing from Fred’s bedside table, confused as to how exactly he misplaced something so golden.

His whole dresser was obviously rummaged through. There were a few sickles missing along with an extra jar of ink and- his stash of Fizzing Whizzbees and Jelly Slugs. He genuinely frowned at the candy more than anything else, but then he remembered about the photo that was missing- stolen now.

Fred whipped his head back to see who was in the boys’ shared dorm, and the only person he saw was his twin chatting with a visiting fifth year student. 

Now completely turned, Fred walks to the front of his bed and pulls out his trunk, wondering if he had left it in there by accident, but it was no luck.

“George,” started Fred with his back to his twin.

George turned to his brother. 

“What is it, Fred?” He asked with confusion. He noticed the drawer hanging on by a thread off the rest of the table and decided to completely disregard his conversation at that point. “I’ll catch you later.” 

As the friend walks out of the boys’ dormitories, Fred begins to explain what had happened, hand motions waving around. They usually appear when there is something wrong.

“Someone rummaged through my stuff,” Fred motions to his dresser, “did you let anyone else come in here and mistake it for yours?” 

George looked at his twin with furrowed brows until his face lightened up a bit from the clarity. 

“Yeah, actually. Cedric Diggory from Hufflepuff was in here and he asked me for some ink.”

“George, what the hell.” Fred was beyond confused as to what, first of all, Cedric Diggory, one of the Triwizard champions, was doing in the Gryffindor common room. Why he was needing ink in the middle of the day and why his drawer. “You let him go through it? Half of my items are missing.” Fred was furious at how irresponsible his brother was at the moment.

“He was desperate and I felt bad.” A simple response from a boy with little to no empathy when it came to using a twelve-year-old student as a lab rat for their inventions. A particular unnamed candy that is still a work in progress gave her severe diarrhea for weeks straight.

“George, he stole money, candy, and t- What is wrong with you?” He cut himself quick before he could expose [y/n] to his brother. He was mad at him and now was not the time to gush about them.

“It’s fine, we’ll talk to him tomorrow.” George laughs at his twin for being unmanageable, but Fred is unamused.

“Piss off.” Fred takes his towel and goes town to the bathrooms, bringing a change of clothes with him.

☾

Fred was a bit after hours for students, but he couldn't wait to get the bath located in the prefect's bathroom.

Yes, Fred had snuck in there, but that's because the boys’ dormitory bathroom was disgustingly filled with too many boys in one perimeter. So with this in mind, Fred knew exactly where to go to relax from the fuming that happened between himself and his brother.

Fred dropped his towel by the edge of the water and took off his shoes. Setting them neatly by the towel, he began to work on his shirt. He loosened his tie but not all the way so the loop in it would stay. He began to unbutton his shirt, hands working a bit slower than normal. He did not come here often, nor was he a prefect, so he took his time.

He looked up from his hands and Fred looked at the mermaid mural on the stained glass, thinking of [y/n], the beauty remarkable from either photo. Not that Fred was comparing physical features from the mermaid and from [y/n], he was rather just acknowledging how both were, to put it literally, breathtaking. 

The colors from it shaded his body in colors of pinks and blues, diluting a bit now that the white shirt was shrugged off his body. The color was not as vibrant now, but his light skin and freckles that were splattered all over his chest created a new palette of shades.

He dropped his shirt on top of his other items and he undid his belt, leaving it on the belt loops of his pants as he takes them off as well, folding them up unlike his shirt and dropping them on his pile of clothes. All he had left were his boxers, and they were soon added to the tower of items on his right side.

He stepped into the water while simultaneously checking for any other visitors. It was a bit late for that, though, considering that he was completely exposed at that point. 

The moonlight shone through the glass, some areas of the floor painted colors with the light. The water was flowing from a few taps and bubbles were flying everywhere. Fred shifted a bit from his old placement in the giant pool so his arms were now propped on the edge.

Now with the photo in the hands of a certain someone he considered a snake, even though they were in Hufflepuff, Fred needed to confront Cedric for not only his money, his candy, and his ink without consent, Fred needed to confront him about [y/n]. What kind of a freak just steals a photo? 

Oh, thought Fred. 

What if, somehow, Cedric gets a hold of [y/n]? Impossible, he reassured himself. Cedric doesn't even know their name. He knows nothing. He's a loathsome rat who steals money, candy, ink, and photos. 

Smiling to himself for coming up with that description, Fred quickly goes down the same road again.

What if, somehow, [y/n] likes him, instead? What if- His mind was filled with ‘what-ifs’ and ‘somehows’ that clouded his brain. Cedric shouldn't have been running through his mind regardless. There’s just no possibility where [y/n] would even meet him.

He was consumed with someone who did not know he existed Fred was jealous that someone else was in possession of that photograph.

The only way to eliminate Cedric was to get to [y/n] first, and he knew his plan from the moment he saw their photo.

He was going to catch his professor at the owlery in the castle, and sneak his own letter in there. This way, both parcels would miraculously be carried over the Atlantic ocean.

His professor wouldn't notice and hopefully [y/n] wouldn't be too freaked out.

The tap finished spewing water and the room went silent except for a few drips coming from one of the spouts. Fred estimated his time and decided to waste none of it, so he dunked his head underwater out of impulse and came back up with his hair sticking to his forehead. 

He needed to write.

☾

Fred was now back in his common room sitting on a couch with his parchment spread out over his legs and couch, and his wet hair slowly dripping on it, making the ink smear a bit. He had crumpled up at least five different drafts of a few sentences while sitting there.

He was wearing grey pants and a gryffindor jumper, keeping him warm on the first day of November. It was about one at night and he could hear his brother, Ron Weasley, snoring from the upstairs dorms.

He dug up a few polaroids he had taken with his brother at the beginning of the year to drop in the parcel. Fred had decided to make this out to his mother, Molly Weasley, hence the photos would have been for her. Molly wanted photos taken with their new camera and photos of their new brooms for Quidditch being put to use properlly.

Normally, Fred didn't really use muggle instruments, but he did have a shared camera with his twin, George. Luckily, a shop in Hogsmeade sold refills for it.

And they would have, Fred and George ended up taking photos of themselves during Quidditch practice, making sure to hide the camera from teachers and spectators so it wouldn't be taken away. Snape would make it his life goal to snatch it away from them when really it did no harm.  They took photos of their jerseys, the field, a few separates, a few with the team, and two separate ones of the twins. They were planning to give them to their mum, but these photos would be put to use differently.

It was a brilliant plan in his eyes. [y/n] would surely respond to his so-called mistake, right? Hopefully they would send a letter back, and maybe a few polaroids for himself to keep. It’s brilliant. Absolutely brilliant.

Fred began his sixth attempt at writing out a letter to his own [y/n].

Mum,

We miss the burrow. And you and dad, of course. 

As promised, the photos. We think you’ll really enjoy these, since you probably miss our ravishing looks.

There’s not much to write about, mum. Ginny is okay, Ron is alright, and George is asleep somewhere right now. Otherwise, they would have scribbled something on here.

Fred

It was too short but he couldn’t think of anything else to write to his mum. She had written to Ginny a few days prior so he had given all viable information to Ginny’s response letter.

He reacted quickly to the water that dripped off his hair and snatched the parchment before it could bleed and combine with the ink. The script was perfect, absolutely incomparable to his other drafts.

Time moved fast and it was now two in the morning. Fred took his parchment and placed it neatly in the parcel. He took his stack of polaroids and placed them in the parcel.

Almost forgetting, Fred searched through the polaroids and found the two individual snapshots of the twins in their uniforms. Molly constantly mixed the two up when they wore their quidditch uniforms, always forgetting who was #5 and who was #6. Their own mother. It severely got worse every year.

From totally forgetting to absolutely forgetting, Fred forgot that this letter wasn’t even going to reach his mother. He had already marked up the photos though, that was just an afterthought.

He looked at the photo of himself and his twin standing in front of the center field, astonished as to how clear it was. He could see his features perfectly unlike the photo he previously had of [y/n] that was blurry but nonetheless readable.

Shoving the photos back into the parcel, he wrapped it up nicely and carefully wrote the address of the burrow on it.

His plan was slowly coming into action, and Fred was just excited to see it play out.

☾

Fred had ended up spilling everything to his twin the day he planned to sneak his letter along with McGonagall’s.

“So you have no clue who [y/n] is, and you’re providing photos of you and your friends to this person, might I add again, who you don’t know? Fred, this is ridiculous.” George was talking to his twin in the corridor right before the owlery as they were both waiting for the professor to return with a response letter. Fred had been holding onto the parcel for a few days now, and yesterday, he saw that familiar brown owl arrive again.

McGonagall greeted the owl mid-class and took the letter in hand to place it safely in her desk. The owl remained on the window perch for the rest of class.

Fred wasn’t able to see who sent it, but he knew that owl all too well to be mistaken for someone else owling his Professor.

Just as Fred was about to respond to his brothers snarky question, they heard footsteps down the hall and they began to walk up to the owlery.

They had decided to distract McGonagall with a familiar owl, Hedwig. Harry had been complaining how she had been squawking too much for normal. Harry wouldn’t mind, though, because he never had to know that his owl was involved in a hopelessly romantic ploy.

Fred and George were now in the owlery next to Hedwig, feeding her snacks they had brought for compensation. It was only fair to her that she got something in response. A few strange squawks escaped her beak.

“Good morning Mr. and Mr. Weasley. Are you writing someone?” McGonagall was an expert at knowing who was who just off the back of their heads. Granted, she could probably tell the two apart without them turning around. 

“Just paying a visit to Hedwig here, professor. We need to get going soon.” George glanced at Hedwig mid-sentence and gave the professor a small smile.

Their plan was failing terribly. McGonagall was getting her owl ready for the journey by winding the ribbon around its leg to hold the letter more in place. 

Normally, Fred and George would just place a note in Errol's beak, but since it was a longer distance they would have to find a way to tie it around the owls leg.

Luckily, Hedwig served as an amazing distraction as she began to choke and squawk on the snacks they were giving her. It was a time of crisis but the twins had to act fast.

McGonagall turned to the twins and quickly discarded her owl to help them. She pushed them aside and began to aid the choking owl, George began to laugh a at the visual of an owl choking, but quickly put it away as he got a scolding look from McGonagall, who was now shaking the owl. 

Fred used this distraction to run over and tie his letter to the owls leg, attaching his and his professors letter to the owl. The animal began to flap its wings, confused as to why an unknown ginger was picking at his feet, but Fred was too busy to yell at it.

By attaching his letter to McGonagall’s owl, Fred didn't need to get authorization from someone to send it. He also did not have to get it searched, as he was sneaking it through.

He turned to see George motioning him to hurry, laughing at the same time because his professor was still talking to the bird, trying to get it to stop choking. 

Fred was able to tie the letters successfully and shooed the owl quickly, noticing how the two letters weighed it him down a little, making Fred laugh too. He didn’y understand how he pulled it off, but he was happy it worked- somewhat. The owl was steadily flapping it’s wings but Fred could see that it wasn’t used to that type of weight on its feet.

He speed walked back to his professor who was oblivious as to what happened behind her back. The twins were wrong for laughing at the McGonagall who wanted to just help them deal with the animal cruelty they put on Hegwig, but it was a visual they would never forget. And truly, it was a little funny and dramatic.

Fred wondered again how the hell his absurd plan worked, but he was glad that he was able to send out the parcel, and avoid murdering his friends owl with food.

“There, girl. You’re alright. You spit out.” McGonagall consoled the owl by patting her head. She turned to the twins and scolded them for being so irresponsible with someone else's owl.

“Potter doesn’t know, does he?” She asked.

The two twins looked at eachother and ran off laughing, leaving McGonagall clueless to everything that just happened. 

Soon after that, Fred realized that he had just created the beginning of something new in his life. Something that he had yet to receive not in person, but rather in a form of a letter.

All he had left to do was look for that Brown owl.

[tylerwritez]

Tuesday, june 22 2021

I've noticed I'm getting "the shiverys" or "the twitchy" a lot today. Like every time I FEEL something I take a moment to violently tic.... every time I think about certain things I tic.... good things, bad things, things from an hour ago and things from years ago. Tic, tic, tic.

Also, I have... some stuff to explain. Its really no big deal, but you know me: I'll freak out about it anyway. Basically I dissed my friend (rightfully so) around the time that we had just met cos they did something that threw me off.

He saw it in my phone... NOW. it's not RELEVANT anymore and I've since redacted that criticism...and now I gotta explain it to him anwyays. Oh well. I'm good at this stuff. I can get myself outta any situation. I dont even know why I'm talking like this tho... it's not a "Situation" it's just smthn I gotta explain rq.

Oh, today's song recommendation is Spirit Crusher by Death. I'm a huge Death fan...

Also! I gotta study... for my replacement exam. How stressful. Its about photosynthesis, but like, it's not simple. We went DEEP inside those fucking leaves.

One sec, lemme hook up my IV tube

Not an ACTUAL IV tube... just my headphones. But since I'm so #emo, it might as well be a fucking IV tube with the way that I cant live without it.

Its 3:08 and I'm walking home now. I was upset last night but me and Star have made up now lol... it was thAt easy. I'm so defective, making shit hard when it doesnt need to be.

It's so hot out damn. Idk. I had school today, so I had Bio class... I ACTUALLY PAID ATTENTION for once. I had lunch with Star and her friend group, and I honestly kinda feel like they're MY friends now too, even just a little bit.

Actually, I used to rant about feeling lonely like all the time but now I have so many friends it's crazy they all keep inviting me places and it's like people WANT ME AROUND... idk. It makes me happy.

Today I gotta ask if tommroow after school I can go to Bee's house to watch Supernatural (famous homoerotic ghost show)

I should also add songs to Erin's spotify playlist for our picnic saturday which I still need permission to go to.

I gotta ask for Wednesday after school to watch Insidious with Jay  which is apparently really good

Also hes the friend that I gotta explain stuff to... the DrAmA... the ThEaTrE....

Update my dad said yes to hanging out with Bee but first I'm gonna miss school to fix my broken brackets on my braces

Also turns out the house I THOUGHT we were moving into has substantial damage from shifting so... we aRENT moving there.

In case you didn't know, shifting is when like the house that's been built literally SHIFTS like it moves around.

Anwyays Jay just texted me... I'm gonna change into shorts since it's hot, set up my study area,.... and respond to him.

The time is 3:22 p.m.

Wish me. Luck.

Luck is plentiful! As it so often is in my risky, risky life.

I play my cards right. It's a learnt skill.

But also there wasnt much to explain since it passed already and was tiny anywyas.

XD so I've made up with the whole goddamn world by now.

Its 6:31, we saw 1 house. Only one. Its kinda hot out but I'm gonna bike now since we just had supper. I finally finished my homework... I just have to finish one mixed media piece as my final project for art!

Friday is my replacement. On photosynthesis and cell resp. We know this. But what I didn't mention, or I dont THINK I did, is that if I finish my art project before then I have the second block FREE!!! Me, Star, and her friend

A are planning to leave for second block and maybe get mint chocolate chip ice cream!

Also I might eat her out XD

Anyways idk. I hope I can bike tonight to call Jay.

I keep accidentally using people's real names here then having to correct it... I dont know how much i care about MY identity being discovered... but to have my friends doxxed would suck.

Man I feel bad abt saying fuck star last night cos we made up....

Wait we r looking at another house? Idk I'm in the car still waiting to go home

Oh wait no now we r goin home

Its 6:39... I hope I still have time.

I went biking, called Jay. Went home. Idk, friendly conversation... we talked more tonight and I also talked to my other friend A. Jay is... I LOVE HIM?? SO MUCH??? I feel so happy. Talking to him thinking about him seeing his STUPID FUCKING FACE JESUS. his eyes alone... I could stare at his face all day probably. I want to kiss him... hOLD HIS HAND... omg... huG HIM!!! Eofjwpxjwie he's so sweet like I can't even... and I'm proabably not good enough for him like. Wtf. Hes easily a 10. And I dont rate things outta 10. How tf do I end up with HIM? Doing stuff, as friends. Like wHAT. I guess I got lucky XD. He says he loves my personality and I'm hot XD ofc I dont see it myself. But like. JESUS CHRIST he could proabably easily pull whOever. XD me?

Whatever though. As long as we r together and stuff. I LOVE HIM A LOT. he said he loved me. Every time he says that it makes me so overly happy.

Maybe I'm just sappy and stuff.... whatever. I think it would be nice to be hugged by him.

Yeah I'm cheesy.

I'm sorta tired now so maybe I'm not writing the best.

I just keep thinkinf about love. Love is a muscle of evil suggestion. But how evil can it really be? I am just a human being and that is all. Everything else is applied. I am just a human being with soemthing in my heart that pulls me all over the place. Love is this strange thing because I'm fucked up and to be able to love without that fucked up part of me, without the damage... is this complicated, hard thing to do and I can NEVER tell if I'm doing it right but I know I'm DOING IT. I know I FEEL LOVE. And soemtimes it's such an intense thing like when you go to surf on a wave at the beach with ur belly but u hit it wrong and it's so big and overwhelming it washes over you and PULLS you down to the bottom and smushes your face into the sand and YOU CANT BREATHE jesus Christ it's like that.

Or maybe I just want to experience love as it should be felt.

Obviously all of my problems surrounding this Damage could be easily fixed if I went to therapy but. there are reasons I can't.

I LOVE a lot. Too much for my own good. Enough to hurt me, get me into trouble, etc etc but also... enough to liberate me. I LOVE. I love Jay. So much. LIKE. MY BRAIN ORBITS AROUND HIM CONSTANTLY THINKING OF HIM AND PRAISING HIM AND MWUAH HE IS SO LOVELY I BOW BEFORE HIM...

I think as much as I love, a lot of the times I tend to focus even more on BEING loved.

If I am told I am loved, and shOwN I am loved... it is one of the most powerful things. Especially since I was literally emotionally neglected in childhood... yeah. I feel like I'm always trying to fill that hole.

Not EVERY feeling I have is for that reaosn but sometimes, if you tell me you love me, show me you love me, hug me,... I'll like start crying,,, that's the childhood emotional neglect kicking in. If you call me #smol and #cute and say I look young and fragile which happens more often than you'd think XD, I know I'm not supposed to like that shit, so I act like I dont....but I do. Which is PROBABLY ALSO THE CEN 🤪  like whatever lol

Anwyays I'm fucked up

You see how quickly things become complicated in my mind?

Convoluted? Is that the word?

Whatever. I OVERCOMPLICATE THINGS COS I OVERTHINK THEM BECAUSE I'm LITERALLY MENTALLY ILL IN SO MANY DIFFERENT WAYS. I'm not joking. I obviously have unresolved undiagnosed "issues"

I do Suspect things, though.

I can make a list

Maybe I shouldn't.

Maybe I will.

I shouldnt.

Whatever.

I used to hate when people brought up my self harm. I would actually panic. I still self harm but now? Now I'm fine with anyone  talking about it as long as it's not an adult who can get me into trouble/force me into therapy over it. Because really? I kinda like having it mentioned. It's kinda validating and it's like hey... people can see that I'm sick.

I dont do it so people talk to me about it though. Dont get me wrong. If I did, I'd go vertically on the arms, not for suicide but so it healed and people would ask XD.

My scars are actually VERY hidden... cos I never intended for ANYONE to see. But for those who DO see them,,,, it's nice soemtimes to have people express concern.

I dont wanna be PITIED or anything, but idk I just think to myself "wow, they're CONCERNED... about ME... they arent angry or mean... they didnt yell at me or threaten me... they respect my autonomy and privacy...

And they CARE ABOUT ME..." and it makes me cry.

That's also the CEN.

I dont know. I just like when people express genuine concern. Even if they see and then just ask if I'm okay. That's all it takes cos then I go wow.

Its validating and irs lovely because finally people care... FINALLY PEOPLE CARE. FINALLY I GET SOME EMPATHY OR SYMPATHY AND NO ANGER.

Even just having them brought up tells me its noticeable enough

My brain does this thing where it thinks nothing bad that's ever happened to me was Bad Enough for me to be upset about.

And I dont know... its nice sometimes to be told shit like "omg that looks so bad" or to see that people who do see my cuts are somewhat shocked or revolted... it's nice because I go... "hey, it was bad enough for them..."

Or to have people comment on them with concern. Just ANYTHINT WHERE PEOPLE NOTICE IT AND ARENT ASSHOLES ABOUT IT IS VALIDATING.

Because I'm not used to that...

Because CEN

I'm. The worst perosn on the fucking planet.

I should kill myself.

I suddenly actually feel so self hating I do want to kill myself... oh god.

I ruin everything. Everything. Everything. Everything. What have I done. Like. Why. Oh god.

I'm just remembering when Star said my kindness seemed like an act. And how I've been called out for seeming fake like 2 other times.

DO I SEEM FAKE???? I DONT EVER PUT ON ACTS OF KINDESS.... CONCIOUSLY? but the very idea that I could be perceived that way...

Should I like not try to be nice or some shit?

Jesus christ she hurts my feelings even now when it was a long time ago.

But I cant blame her. I can't blame anyone for how i feel except my parents because they left me with fucking. Heart nerve damage or some shit.

I'm tired and now I'm sad too. Goodnight guys.

[mimi-cee-hq]

Notice me, Y/n-senpai - Yamaguchi x Reader

So this is the first time I’ve done a match-up. I offered to do one because I thought it’d be fun. I don’t know how I thought of this so quickly though. I guess when inspiration comes… I have a bit of a writer’s block with Accidental Confession at the moment. I hope you like how I characterized an anime version of you in my style of writing. I went a bit more with your empathy trait and exaggerated some other things too.

Request from @haikoo​:

well physically i would say im tall (5'9) and im just the average body. my hair is blonde and i have light brown eyes also i wear glasses bc im literally blind. i’m usually very rational and logical, and im very observant which makes me look very serious and maybe even rude bc of my facial expressions but im actually very energetic, nice and easy to talk to. im always making people laugh despite all my sarcasm and humor and i enjoy making new friends. i used to play volleyball (where i put my observation skills to use) but i dont anymore bc of an injury. i love being organized even tho sometimes i don’t follow my own rules, and im definitely a perfectionist which makes me usually overwork myself. lastly, im very enpathetic.

Summary:

Y/n helps a certain player get more noticed by his coach, not knowing how embarrassed she’ll be when he uses her tactic back at her. A funny and cute “notice me, senpai” match up one-shot where y/n is the senpai.

Preview:

“It’s fine,” Y/n said with a laugh, “You don’t have to do it. I mean, I think it would be hilarious, but if it makes you uncomfortable-”

“I’ll do it,” he replied.

“What?” Y/n said. It caught her off-guard since she was not expecting that.

“I’ll do it,” he said again, with the same determined face that she had noticed during his matches. “I’ve always admired people with the confidence to do something like that, so I’ll force myself to do it.”

Notice me, Y/n-senpai! - Yamaguchi x Reader

AO3 link if you want to read there instead

Words: 3,004

Tanaka and Nishinoya were energetically chatting in their classroom - things like Kiyoko-senpai as well as their volleyball team. Y/n wasn’t surprised that school work wasn’t one of those topics though.

“I don’t know how your team will cope now,” Y/n commented to the two of them. “Two of your best receivers graduated.” Y/n had known about their team because she was at the game against Shiratorizawa, cheering in the stands. Her friend had suggested to her that she should go. She had thought Y/n’s energetic personality would be perfect for the job. Y/n definitely went, especially since she loved volleyball.

“Wait a moment,” said Tanaka with a glint in his eye. “Do you know what’s the difference between a serve receive and a dig?”

“Of course,” Y/n answered. “You have to bump the ball for both, but one is from a serve and the other is from a spike.”

Nishinoya’s eyes lit up, as if catching onto why Tanaka was asking. “Do you know what a free or chance ball is?”

“Yeah,” Y/n said like it was obvious. “It’s when the opponents aren’t able to attack so they just lob the ball back over the net.” The two gave each other a look while Y/n was just confused. “I don’t get it. You two already know that I-”

Tanaka and Nishinoya suddenly picked up Y/n, all 5’ 9" of her, and carried her to a second year class. “What are you doing?!” she yelled out at them. She couldn’t believe that the 5’ 3" short libero was one of the guys carrying her.

Y/n suddenly found herself in front of Yachi. She stared at her for a moment, noting that she was really short. She looked at her more closely and figured that she was almost a foot taller than her. She wondered if she had always had a kouhai this cute in her school.

“S-sorry!” apologized Yachi to her. “I- I’m really bad at being a manager.”

Y/n got confused as to why she would apologize to her for something like that. Apparently, Y/n missed Tanaka’s explanation on how Yachi needed help with recording statistics for the team.

“Could you stop making that face?” asked Tsukishima. “You’re scaring Yachi.”

When Y/n realized that she was staring at Yachi a little too intently, she said, “Oh sorry!” She started to say, “I’m actually really friendly! I just-.” She stopped, initially wanting to explain that she only looked rude or scary when she was thinking about something, but she wished that she didn’t have to explain it every time. “Never mind.”

Later, Tanaka and Nishinoya introduced Y/n to the team as they waited for their opponents to arrive for a practice match.

“Is she Tsukishima’s sister?” asked Hinata.

“Yes,” Tsukishima sarcastically replied. “All girls with blond hair, brown eyes and glasses are my sisters.”

“Really?” said Hinata with sparkles in his eyes as he looked at Y/n.

“No,” Tsukishima answered as Yamaguchi snickered at him.

As the teams warmed up before the game, Y/n sat at the bench beside Yachi. She analyzed the players’ different forms and strengths as they practised their serves.

“What’s with her face?” Kageyama commented.

“She looks like she’s planning a murder,” added Tsukishima.

“Maybe because I am,” Y/n said sarcastically.

Tanaka stepped in to defend her and said, “You shouldn’t be talking about a girl’s face like that!” Tsukishima commented that Tanaka probably got offended because he looked like that pretty often. But then he looked away when Tanaka glared at him as if he was going to kill him. Y/n laughed at how Tanaka looked and decided that she didn’t have a favourable impression of either Tsukishima or Kageyama.

When the game started, Y/n took a glance at the players on the sidelines, cheering for their team. She recognized a few of them, especially their pinch server. She remembered when she was on the sidelines too and sympathized with them.

“Yachi,” Y/n asked, “do you have footage of your other matches?” Yachi later gave them to her, not realizing what Y/n was about to get into.

Y/n decided to binge watch all of their matches that night and as a result, she was sleepy the next day. It wasn’t like she hadn’t watched some of their matches before. She had made sure to watch their tournament games whenever they were on TV. She just wanted to get a second look of their games with the ability to pause in between plays. Y/n started by recording the stats for each game by counting every spike, block and dig per person, but it was too much work and it felt useless, so she just started to write her own notes based on her observations. So at their practice, a sleepy Y/n told each player on the team what they could improve on.

“How did you analyze so much?” Tanaka and Nishinoya asked with their jaws dropped.

“Oh, I actually have more,” Y/n grinned as she showed the rest of her notes. Inside an organized notebook, she had a page worth of content for each player. She had written their name, profile, strengths and weaknesses, and even detailed steps on things they could do to improve.

Tsukishima looked at her like he wanted to say a sarcastic comment, but he couldn’t because her notes were too accurate.

“I think you just don’t like that she pointed out your weaknesses,” Yamaguchi laughed at him. He looked at Y/n with a smile. “I’m surprised I’m in there too, especially since I’m not a starting player.”

“Of course I didn’t overlook you!” she said. “You’re the ones who want to improve the most!”

She could see that Yamaguchi really appreciated it. She had also written down their goals that she had gotten from Yachi, so she knew that Yamaguchi wanted to be a starting player and to have a bigger presence on the court.

“By the way, you look really tired,” noted Yamaguchi. As if he noticed something about her, he asked, “When did you start making these notes?”

“Last night.”

“What?!” he freaked out at the fact that she stayed up late just to help their team.

“Oh, this kind of happens often because I’m kind of a perfectionist and I can get carried away with things,” she told him. “But don’t worry! I’m used to this!”

Yamaguchi just sweatdropped at her, “Of course you’ll make people worried about you. You’re making me worried right now.”

Over the next month or two, Y/n continued to watch some of their practices and assisted Yachi and the coach whenever she could. So when they didn’t make it to the nationals the next time around, it pained her to see them lose their game, knowing how hard they had worked. She noticed that Yamaguchi was also trying to figure out a way for them to get over their loss and to encourage them to keep trying harder. Y/n wanted to help as well, but instead, she thought of a silly idea, which may or may not help.

She approached Yamaguchi one day, telling him that she had an idea that would cheer up the team and would also get him noticed by the coach. If he did it, you could say that he’d have a bigger presence on the court without even trying. So when she told him her idea, he freaked out, which she expected.

“It’s fine,” Y/n said with a laugh, “You don’t have to do it. I mean, I think it would be hilarious, but if it makes you uncomfortable-”

“I’ll do it,” he replied.

“What?” Y/n said. It caught her off-guard since she was not expecting that.

“I’ll do it,” he said again, with the same determined face that she had noticed during his matches. “I’ve always admired people with the confidence to do something like that, so I’ll force myself to do it.”

For some reason, his determination had caught her eye again. But the next day, you could say that Yamaguchi started to chicken out.

“Where did all that determination from yesterday go?!” asked Y/n as she tugged on Yamaguchi’s arm to pull him into the second gymnasium. “Do you know what I had to do to get this costume for you? I have to do my brother’s chores for a week now!”

“I didn’t think I’d look like this!” Yamaguchi yelled back.

They both froze when they saw Tsukishima walking along the path between the school and the gym. He also froze when he saw Yamaguchi. Y/n could see the drops of sweat on Tsukishima’s head forming. He then proceeded to the gym as if he didn’t see anything.

“Tsukkiii! Help me!” cried out Yamaguchi.

“What kind of guy ditches his best friend like that?!” Y/n yelled after him.

But of course he would be embarrassed by Yamaguchi at that moment. He was wearing a chicken costume. But that wasn’t all. He wore a t-shirt over it that said, “I’m going to be a starting player. So if you become a chicken, I’ll take your position!”

“BAHAHAHAHA!” Tanaka and Nishinoya both laughed at him after Y/n finally got him inside. Yamaguchi placed a hand on the wall, forgetting why he did this in the first place.

“Well, this would definitely get me noticed,” said Yamaguchi. “But this won’t improve my skills.”

“You should do both,” Y/n grinned at him. “Get the coach’s attention while you improve on your skills.”

“I guess we can’t let ourselves get too discouraged about the preliminaries now when we have to worry about Yamaguchi taking our position from us,” said Tanaka with a grin.

“Well, he could take a middle blocker or a wing spiker position,” said Kageyama. “But it’s not like he could be a setter.”

“Who knows,” said Y/n. “With how hard he works, it’s not impossible.” Yamaguchi gave her a look as if she were crazy.

Yamaguchi sighed, “I still can’t believe I wore this.”

Y/n just smirked at him. “You know, I thought it was actually really cool that you were determined to do this in the first place.” Yamaguchi blushed at her comment. “But it seems like you have a daily limit of confidence,” she laughed.

*****

Yamaguchi got to know Y/n better over the months at school and practice. Since she liked making new friends, she somehow kept pulling him into her antics. She told him that she was surprised that he could keep up with her energetic personality. He figured that someone had to take care of her.

“Oh, I’ve been meaning to ask,” said Yamaguchi. “Do you have any suggestions on how I can spike harder?”

Y/n went on to explain things like proper spiking form and that he would need to twist his whole body to get strength from all of his muscles. “I’d show you, but I injured my shoulder.”

“What?!” exclaimed Yamaguchi as he panicked. He felt so bad that he didn’t even notice it these past few months. “Ugh… I feel like a horrible friend.”

“It’s fine. It’s not like I brought it up before,” said Y/n. She continued to explain that she kept practising her spiking swing at home, which overworked the tendons in her shoulder. So during an actual game, she had spiked the ball and then she had felt a sharp pain, which ran from her shoulder and down her back. But since they had been so close to winning, she had pushed through the pain.

After learning this, Yamaguchi did some research on muscle pain. He bought all of these medical supplies for Y/n. But then later, Y/n told him that he didn’t need to because she was already working with a physiotherapist. Yamaguchi couldn’t believe that he did all that research for nothing, but she still appreciated the effort.

One day, Yamaguchi walked down the school hallway with Tsukishima. When he peaked into Y/n’s classroom, he noticed that Y/n was chatting with Tanaka and Nishinoya. He sighed, commenting that he wished he was a year older. “She’s only a year older,” replied Tsukishima. “I don’t get why the whole senpai/ kouhai thing matters so much to people.”

Yamaguchi flinched in shock that Tsukishima knew that he was talking about. But then again, he knew that Tsukishima was pretty perceptive, so he shouldn’t have been surprised. “I just don’t know how I can get her to notice me.”

“What do you mean?” snickered Tsukishima. “She introduced a perfect method to you.”

*****

Y/n walked into the gym, expecting a regular practice, but when she saw Yamaguchi, her whole face turned red and she yelled out, “What the heck is that?!” He was wearing a custom-made t-shirt with Y/n’s face on it, saying, “Y/n-senpai is really cool!” Yamaguchi struggled to give an answer right there, especially with his teammates laughing their butts off. So Y/n dragged him out of the gym and asked him what was going on.

“I- I just wanted you to notice me, Y/n-senpai,” said Yamaguchi timidly.

“What do you mean? You’re my friend!” she replied.

“I mean as a potential boyfriend. B- But I don’t expect you to like me back right now,” he said as he started to get flustered. “I figured that I’d get you to notice me while I worked on getting you to like me.”

Y/n blushed at his direct confession. She thought it sounded familiar, but then she realized that was the same advice she had given him to get the coach’s attention. She giggled at Yamaguchi for using her tactic, but she was suddenly conscious of how close his face was to hers. He was only about a couple of inches taller than her so she got a good view of his freckles.

“Y- You don’t have to do use that t-shirt to get my attention!” Y/n told him. “Do you think I’m blind or something?” When he didn’t answer right away, she added, “Okay, I’m basically blind without my glasses, but you don’t have to wear a t-shirt with my face on it.” She then turned her head away from him and muttered, “Besides, I had already noticed you.”

When Y/n had been in the stands at the Shiratorizawa game, she had noticed Yamaguchi freaking out before their big match. They had needed to win three matches against the powerhouse school. She had known that they still had a chance since they did somehow make it to the finals.

She had been surprised when Yamaguchi was subbed in. When she had realized that he had been there as a pinch server, she had found it interesting because she had never had a pinch server on her team before. When he had been subbed back out, she had thought it must have sucked to only be able to play for one rotation per set. He must have wanted to be able to play even longer.

Y/n had thought it was really cool anyway because she saw he was still a very valuable player as a pinch server. He had to ability to turn the game around with how good his serves were. She had later wondered what happened to the nervous boy she saw earlier. During his serve, he had looked a lot cooler and more confident.

When she had found out that she could have an opportunity to actually help the team, of course she had gotten too carried away. She had wondered why she was working so hard, but had just brushed it off, thinking that it was her perfectionist side coming out again. When she had seen how much Yamaguchi appreciated her work, she had wanted to help him even more. She didn’t know when her empathy turned into actually having a crush on him.

“I like you too,” she said with a blush.

“What? Really?” Yamaguchi was shocked.

“Why do you think I worked so hard on analyzing the team’s matches? I was especially attentive when I was writing stuff for you.” Y/n said with a blush. “I even did my brother’s chores for a week for you to get that chicken costume.” Yamaguchi chuckled at that memory with her. “So you don’t have to wear that embarrassing t-shirt anymore,” she added.

“Oh, okay,” he replied with a smile.

When he suddenly started to take off his shirt, Y/n panicked and said, “I didn’t mean that you should take it off now, you idiot!” Y/n smacked the back of Yamaguchi’s head. “Do you think you’re Tanaka or something?”

At the next tournament, Yamaguchi stood on the court, shaking like a leaf as he and the rest of the starting players showed their jersey numbers to the referee. From the second floor, Y/n noticed how nervous he was and energetically called out to him. “Yamaguchi!” When he looked up, she placed the tips of her hands on her head to form a large heart. Yamaguchi chuckled at her as she continued to hold the heart above her head and added a silly dance. Tsukishima still thought she was annoying while Hinata told him that he should be happy that Y/n helped Yamaguchi relax.

Bonus - (because of the liars headcanons I read)

“So… if you want to be my boyfriend, Tsukishima can’t be your best friend anymore,” said Y/n. When it looked like Yamaguchi was actually considering it, she cut off his train of thought. “Wait! I was just joking!”

Yamaguchi said, “I know and just wanted to scare you.”

“Where did you learn to fake like that,” she said as she narrowed her eyes at him.

“Our other setter taught me,” he said as he grinned. “He graduated in March.”

“I guess he must be like Tsukishima then because I thought Tsukishima taught you,” she said. Yamaguchi just laughed at how wrong she was.

Author’s Notes

I hope you liked it. I can’t seem to get away from my headcanons from Accidental Confession. lol. Y/n is kind of similar to my side character OC, but not at the same time.

Masterlist

[formless-monkeys]

1 So Otto being autistic is something I've accepted as canon (haha yeah sorry Ciro, no takin' that from me now) and you've made me kind of fond of Antauri being autistic too. MAY I PRESENT, HOWEVER: Mandarin being somewhere on the spectrum, too.

2 This is potentially why he considered Otto HIS "closest ally," but Otto didn't consider him to be his. Mandy could've felt Otto was the only person he didn't have to stifle himself around (since Otto clearly wouldn't have been taught to do so like I suspect Mandy and Tauri were by the Verans, and would never judge him anyway), whereas Otto just saw him as another pal.

3 ALSO, some of Skelemandarin's behavior when he was really happy in I, Chiro could almost be taken as like. Monkey-flapping. (This entire idea is 100% your fault by the way; your post describing your antics when you cosplayed Skelemandy made me THINK, the nerve of you.)

Haha. Haha.

May have thought about this during class.

Mandarin would've spent a good chunk of his time trying to live up to neurotypical standards. Knowing him, he might have taken "I shouldn't act/think like this" down to the core. He'd have to brute force his way through training, repeating lessons not made for people who think like him until he eventually got it. He had to be perfect or else he wasn't good enough for the Verons. He'd come out of training a master of the power primate, with perfect form and perfect precision... but all that repression would lead to a lot of but up energy. He wouldn't allow himself to stim to get rid of it, he wouldn't leave stressful situations because 'normal monkeys can put up with this', so he'd attempt to bottle up the feelings, or use then during battle. It would likely manifest in lashing out at others and a need for control.

Antauri was probably already quiet, so would probably have less trouble conforming to the standards. He wouldn't need to take the conformity to heart, so he would take the lessons and reinterpret them in a way he could understand. He would still be a master of the power primate, but his form would be of his own creation. Using your hands to manipulate the power could've been seen as a sign of someone lesser skilled, but in reality, he was equally matched with Mandarin. He was still raised in an environment where his behaviors were discouraged, so he likely had shame associated with his stims, only allowing himself to do it in private. You cant be reprimanded if they dont see you doing it. Meditation would be the best way for him to recharge from all the sensory hell that he has to deal with every day. He was quiet before, and might've been encouraged to speak more, so he began using quotes from the readings of the Verons. He thinks they make him sound wise (and they do). One must show their best selves to the world, but your best self isnt what the world wants. You put together scripts and predetermined responses to make a best self to show the world what they want. (Aka how I've survived 16 years, haha fake it till you make it!)

Mandarin and Antauri could be on opposite ends of the 'empathy' part of the autism spectrum. Mandarin may need to work hard to read other people's feelings, and may make assumptions that aren't true, "I brute force my way through new sensations, Nova can do that too, by being in the elements to learn to face them!" "Surely the rest of the team thinks we should have more control over everything, right?" "Otto doesn't mind some of the things I'm incredibly shameful about, we must be BESTIES" he probably comes across as rude, when really he just has no idea the impact of what he's saying, it just sounds really cool.

Wheras Antauri seems to be good at reading people, and follows the extreme empath person trend of "I must become therapist/parent figure/support to make them feel better, even if it hurts me." Bottling up your feelings isn't healthy my dude.

Otto, on the COMPLETE other end of things, was just bound by Gibson and Sprx. He could flap his hands and climb around and use his feet for stuff and the other two monkeys would just be like "aight, sure". The worst he'd get is a bit of dismissal if they think he's being annoying... which. It kinda sounds like he's gotten from Gibson, even during the show. (Kinda blanking on if Sparx did this, and I could probably make a whole other post on just Otto). He thinks along the same logic as Mandarin and Antauri, but without the shame being drilled into him. He's a perfect engineer, finding creative solutions and quickly too!

He's probably SUPER empathetic, but not the best at showing it. He makes gadgets and gifts for his friends but really doesnt know how to help on the emotional side of things. He cares just as much but shows it a little differently.

After training with the Verons and working with the team, Mandarin would've latched onto Otto like a fly to sugar. He would've been drowning in shame and self-hatred and Otto would've been the closest thing to a life raft. (Even though antauri would understand just as much. Mandarin might not trust him to not judge because they both had the same training and Antauri doesn't display as openly as otto. Or maybe he misinterpreted something Antauri said as 'oh, he hates these tendencies too!') He was probably so starved for positive affirmation, that he latched on to every source of it he could. (Probably a reason the Chiro clones were Like That to Mandarin) Otto naturally wants to help him, but Mandarin's issues are a giant pile of dirt and Otto has a spoon. If he was more open and honest with the team, they couldve helped him, or worked with him... but he wasn't. He kept as much of it inside as he could, until it manifested in into trying to medicate the feeling of being out of crlontrol. With trying to control the entire city...

Fun thing about certain types of autism, is that being kept in one place, not allowed to move, not allowed to speak, with only your mind to occupy you. It's hell. It is actually hell. Understimulation is a special type of hell.

So glad that after the Verons were destroyed Skelemandarin was able to stim during I, Chiro. Probably was the best moment of his life before being thrown into the OTHER type of sensory hell, overstimulation. The walls are 29394 neon colors and the floor is sticky and squishy and you're actually starving and you're alone and its loud and you keep getting attacked by sticky squirmy monsters.

I'm so glad my cosplaying shenanigans sparked this. This headcanon is... v important to me.

Also, based on this massive ramble; Otto loves mint and Antauri hates mint.

[clownbeep]

This is gonna be kinda brutal. But I want to put it into writing

Big vent/whats been going on

Hah... I guess this is like my life story or some shit...

Trigger warning ahead.. Depression and a bit of gore/suicide talk so if you are sensitive to that please, for your own sake and mental state you might not want to continue.

For those who dont want to hear a pretty dark vent, I understand.

And those who are just scrolling by feel free to scroll past. I just personally want to get this out.

If you have dealt with emotional neglect/abuse and need to know it isnt in your head this might be the post.

By writing this it feels like hopefully someone else will read this and realise certain things are NOT healthy.

If you are questioning if you are being emotionally neglected/abused (im speaking in a parental sense but even romantically or sexually) im not someone to give you answers, but the fact you are questioning it raises some red flags. In a healthy relationship you dont wonder those things.

Sorry for the long prelude but heres what I wanted to say

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.

.

.

.

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Ever since I was young, ive had bad ADHD, manic bipolar/depression, and sensory issues.

I was diagnosed around 13 I believe. My family (I didnt realise it then) always showed pity. Like I was some wild animal that couldnt be tamed and there was nothing they could do. Id do and say stupid attention seeking things just to try and get a shred of empathy.

My family didnt care.

When I was in the hospital for a suicide attempt regaurding pills and my liver had a chance of failing.. None of my family members cried over me. But a family friend. Someone not. Even. Related. Wept over me.

My family didnt care.

I cant say they never cared. They give me food water and luxuries like internet and a phone. For that I am grateful.

But in many other ways they have hurt me faar more than helped.

Once I got out of a short term stay in an inpatient mental facility I desperately needed contact with anyone who would care for me.

I have a younger sister, quite young probably around 7 at the time. She was a close friend of mine for that time. Id hang out with her so often to fill the gap in love it felt my family didnt give. One day I walked into the dining room and overheard my mother and father talking to my little sister. They told her to keep away because I wasnt "stable" because I was "dangerous" and could give her bad Ideas. And with one single action my only friend at the time and way to find happiness was taken away.

My family did not care.

When I stay in bed every day for months on end not knowing which day ill snap and end it all.... I get called lazy.

My family did not care

When I beg for medication to make me a functional human being they brush me off for years on end. Im losing my grip. I can barely remember things that have happened last week because I try so hard to forget everything its my automatic response to everything.

When I cant get to sleep because all of the memories come flooding back and im hit by wave after wave of horrific memories and the feeling if worthlessness... When I cant watch any videos or read posts about families because it brings on unwanted memories and emotions....

Is it me being dramatic then?

When you hear your family openly mocking and laughing about how stupid and dramatic and fake trans people are... How weird and unnatural and mentally insane these people are not knowing they are the very reason grsm and trans suicides are so high...

Am I a liar now? Am I insane?

When I tried to talk to them about my mental health issues. They took my only way of contact and made me feel like it was my own fault.

My family didnt care.

When I was nearly passed out shaking in a bathtub covered in wounds and blood all over... They showed pity, then lectured me for an hour for not telling them or for being impulsive and basically cleaned my wounds and sent me into my room.

My family didnt care.

Yes. I do agree, they cleaned my wounds, the physical side of showing care. However emotionally they were not there.

When my father drinks so heavilly every day he is home from work that he forgets half the things he tells you and can barely function.. They lecture my older sister for having a glass of wine (legal age)

They did not care.

My sister (23) tried for so many years to cling to what little attention she would get by getting good grades and going to college... She realised that it changed nothing about how my family felt toward her.... She snapped.

My family did not care.

She starves herself for a disease she does not have, she uses religion as an exuse to be one of the biggest christian extremists I personally know. Half the days she doesnt eat... Other days she burns book and gets rid of items for being demonic.

My lovely sister used to be kind and quite normal. However she couldnt find comfort in what little live her family gave. Starved for care she turned to religion to un unhealthy degree. Finding any way to keep her mind busy. Now I worry she will end up in the hospital for weighing so little.

My family did not care.

My oldest sister (27) Is married to a continuously cheating husband who she keeps letting back into her life. She was raised with a failing marrige and doesnt seem to see when she should call it quits.

Not to mention her husband has touched someone legally under the age of concent. Did she report him to the authorities? No.

All of these horrific things stemming from bad parenting. Unhealthy relationships and neglect.

Neglect emotionally can cause just as bad things as physical neglect. They are both horrifically dangerous in different ways.

These are the only big things I can remember... Basically age 15 and below are a complete blur to me and I cant remember much of it without thinking for a looong time. Even then I cant remember a lot of it... I feel like ive lost my whole damn childhood. And it hurts more than if they had just hit me or physically harmed me.

Im not underplaying physically harm. But in my personaly opinion I would rather my family have beaten me badly because at least then id have an easier way to prove to people how severe the abuse was. You can see bruises and confirm broken bones... But years of feeling completely useless and being shut off from most of the world other than the internet... It fucks you up in a way I dont think can be healed.

I dont know if I can ever love myself or... Remember things. Its terrifying to think Ill post this and a few weeks later probably not even rememner unless its brought up. Or meeting people and having conversations... And they are just... Gone.

Gone.

I suppose the biggest reason im writing this is well... In the future I dont want to forget in some ways.. I want like to be 100× as awesome knowing itll start as soon as im out of here..

If I dont have anything to compare it too then what is the point?

Ive layed out basically most of what I remember

A large amount of time I look around and nothing registers... Everything is familiar but I cant remember anything for a moment or two.. I feel like my memory is slipping so fast and im terrified.. I cant do anything to stop it and I cant make my mood be stable without the medication my family cant be bothered to get ...

I suppose this is a bit of a vent. I know its kind of everywhere and unorganized..

If im honest.. Tumblr is the only place where people have given me a home I wish I had..

I came out as trans here... Everyone was so damn supportive.. I didnt say anything but I cried hard and the kindness.. It was amazing.. It was such a jarring difference to how I feel when I say anything in real life.

Ive met friends here and ive had some much fun here. If youve stuck around this far thank you so much.. If you didnt I dont blame you.

I just wanted to share what has been flashing in my head these past few days.. It hurts a lot and ive even considered suicide recently..

Im trying hard. As hard as I can.. I have no escape though.

I cannot leave home. I cannot escape. Im not being dramatic.

I

CANT

LEAVE

And its terrifying because I know without medication or at least being somewhere AWAY from family.... I feel like im going to break soon.

I dont want to do anything stupid.. But some days I cant think straight and do things that harm myself and its not good. Its not okay. Im aware that I need help but I have no idea where to go/turn.. I have no ID or drivers liscence.. I have no transportation to and from a job to get money so I can leave... I live in the middle of nowhere.... I just..

I dont want to lose touch. I dont want to do anything bad.. I want to be functional.. I want to do more than eat and sleep my life away because I have nothing else to do..

Im so damn sick and tired of this all.. And at times I really do feel like there is only one way out.

Its always there and I just feel like one of these days im gonna be pushed over the edge and not be thinking clearly enough to stop it.

Im thinking semi clearly right now which is my im posting this.. Because im afraid and alone.

I have nowhere to go irl I have no friends Irl i just have tumblr and media and thats it. I dont expect anyone to be able to help I just wanted to write this so anyone knows what happens if I leave media..

If I tell my family my issues they will blow me off again for the 11th time or so (not exaggerated)

And if I do something to get sent to the hospital and get the help I need the cycle will continue with them being pissed and me getting sent home in a month or less anly for my family relationships to get worse..

Im spiraling fuether and further and I cant keep up the facade of being fine. I need help. And i have no way to get it. Ive just been suffering for years...

Sitting around and doing nothing but using your phone or drawing or whatever sound fun in theory... But if thats all youve been able to do for years with little to no real life social contact its gonna mess with your head... I dont want to be a shut in... I just

I dont know what to do.

Im sorry for rambling. I will most likely delete this later feeling embarrassed I posted this...

Im just tired..

[mori--calliope]

god i LOVE tragedy stories in music and artists venting because its just such a relatable subject to touch on

just hearing and having a heart to heart with someone youve never met and having an isolated moment of clarity that you’re not alone in what youre going through is something i dont hear anyone ever praise, having someone be vulnerable infront of thousands to sometimes millions of people is such an incredible kindness that we take for granted every moment we skip to another song or tune out to the instruments. take something like Eiley from Too Close To Touch, a song about the main singers late sister, its a song full of regret and too late condolences with mournful screams and shaky, quivering vocals. it may just be another song on a niche genre of music, but its so much more than that, its a confession, its a show of emotion, its a message. its not something he wanted to do, but its something he needed to do, something to rid himself of pent up frustrations, condemning of omniscience, condemning of his ineptitude. and its us he wants to listen, someone out there knows what he’s going through, and he takes the burden of their thoughts to convey through himself, like a catalyst of guilt and remorse, someone reaching a hand out to you to let you know you’ll get through it, that you’re not alone and you won’t be alone, there will always be empathy in the world by your side and hearts to comfort you no matter what times you’re in. theres another song i hold dear to my heart, something that makes me feel warm and certain, Monster in the Mirror by Outline In Colour. its full of a man who hates nothing more than himself, his quirks, his life, the sole concept of denial of ones self, yet even though he may feel like that, he goes on to admit “I’m dying to feel alive, give me something that’ll bring the colour back to my eyes. I’m always sick from my medicine, even though we don’t know if I can, I’m gonna try to understand all of the things that lie outside my hands. I’m gonna make it out, I swear. Are you listening? Are you still listening...? ...I’m gonna try to love again, without this pain in my hand I’ve been carrying. And maybe one day.... I won’t see this monster in the mirror.”

and i dont think ive ever sat in my chair and just cried over something i needed to hear my entire life, hearing something so fucking on the nose to me and myself was what I needed to shake myself to realization that there are people who know exactly what I’m going through, and that they wanted to let me know they understood how hard it is and what it’s like. as an immunodepressant i genuinely do get sick off of the chemotherapy i endure for my rheumatoid arthritis and i have to sit at home for my safety, depression thrives off a weak state of mind and a low sense of self esteem and I sit here and wallow in it because... what else am I going to do? go outside? walk it off? hearing someone who knows so well about being trapped in either a metaphorical/physical prison gives me so much more confidence in myself, “I’m gonna make it out, I swear.” makes me light up in such a beaming hope I can’t help but smile over it at times, im so confident I’m going to surpass my illness one day and experience everything i was robbed of “ Are you listening? Are you still listening...?” sounds so meek and little compared to the delivery of the aforementioned line yet... I don’t interpret it that way. it’s more of a taunt, a taunt to the despair and doubt in his heart. hes asking himself if he can hear the spitefulness of his courage and intent. it’s a burning fire aimed straight at the heart of his darkness and hes determined to make the shot to the burden of his oppression. That’s why I love this music so much, that’s why I interact with the artists who made it so worthwhile for me to get up. They may not remember me in a crowd of faces, or heed my words in an ocean of sentiments, but they’ll never forget the feeling of impact they left on us. I can’t let them know how much it’s ever meant to me, or what they’ve done for me enough, but even if they get the slightest bit of earnesty from my words, I’ll think I’d done my best to repay them for what they’ve given me, given us. That their mark on this world, and the mark on their crowds, their fans, their friends, will never be forgotten.

[thelittlehansy]

Prince Hans’s Daddy issues ( Part 2)

2- What Kind of abuse Hans has to deal  in his life  ?  what does a frozen heart told us about hans’s family ?

In order to  understand Prince Hans of the southern isles  we have to look at his childhood and adulthood and relationship with his family to understand how he think. Well , this is obvious that he has to deal with a very narcissistic father. This is why i think that narcissism is not really one of hans’s trait which is usually something people give him. I think on the contrary Prince Hans represent much more the consequences of narcissism and how much damages they can causes in people.  When we read the book , the king of the southern isles by his actions and relationship with Hans  had without a doubt a narcissistic mental disorder. This disease is not just the fact that the person think she is better than anyone but a true disorder that can destroy emotionally his victim and his prey is his last son.  the whole philosophy of that  man is based on the concept of  survival of the fittest.

Definition :

“Narcissistic personality disorder — one of several types of personality disorders — is a mental condition in which people have an inflated sense of their own importance, a deep need for excessive attention and admiration, troubled relationships, and a lack of empathy for others. But behind this mask of extreme confidence lies a fragile self-esteem that's vulnerable to the slightest criticism”

                        “ westregraad are not mices they are lion”

narcissistic mental disorder symptoms :

An insatiable appetite for the attention of others :  The King  throw a big party and ignore the queen on her own birthday he dont throw the party because he love his wife so then why did he throw a party at all or even came at the party ?  well , he needs attention.

Exaggerating achievements, talents, and importance : according to this very  charming king he is not a mice , a lizard , a crocodile  or a wolf..he is a lion.  so that means he think he is very important. lion are not any animals. they are symbol of power and strength.

An expectation of special treatment : again this is the main logic : "Westregraad are not mices there are lion".... he deserve a special  treatment.

Extreme sensitivity and a tendency to be easily hurt and to feel rejected with little provocation : Someone criticize him and he send his son to punish him. He cannot let his  people criticize him.

Difficulty maintaining healthful relationships : He ignore his wife , his relationship with his sons is based on fear and how much they fit into his philosophy of life.  

Fantasizing about their own intelligence, success, power, and appearance : Again...... westregraad are not mice they are lion...really that sort of motto tell everything about the king personality . I bet there a lion who decorated the castle.

An ability to take advantage of others to achieve a goal, without regret or conscience : Well even though hans also takes advantages of his father the king used hans to do his dirty work ,  go punished people during 3 years to not payed taxed or talk bad about their king ,  and at the end he is still cold to hans. hans wanted to have his trust but he still doesn't have it.

A belief that only certain people can understand their uniqueness : Only his family can understand that he is a big and powerful lion....

A lack empathy, or ability to understand and share the feelings of others, and a tendency to disregard others' feelings : he ignore his wife he wants his sons to be what he wants. He doesn't have empathy of how he humiliate Hans in the presence of other people ,  and say nothing when his other sons mock him or throw bread or glass at his face..

Extreme feelings of jealousy : nothing is said about that in the books , but based on his personality there high possibilities he can be extremely jealous.

A tendency to consider themselves as skilled in romance : this one we doesn't know.

Responding to criticism with anger, humiliation, and shame : this is what the king did to people who makes criticisms about him.

Seeking out praise and positive reinforcement from others : Having his own blood act like he wants boost his ego and makes him feel special

An expectation that others will agree with them and go along with what they want : it mention on the book how when the king gives an order everyone must executed his orders.

Whatever they crave or yearn for must be "the best”  : what the king needs is his sons to be successful. . his son must not be last or in the middle they must be on the top of the food chain.

( part 2)

[lostinathoughtonceagain]

Im not sure where to start although i feel like i alwyas start with that.My mom says i seem to be doing  alot better and inn truth i am. I feel more myself and joyous and mre personality, and than theres still an emptiness that creeps in. The sort of weird shame feeling i used to get in mornings or without a shirt on, i got it today after grabbing clothes from my moms. maybe this is just a personal issue but im trying not to isolate myself in my emotions. TI appreicate and find it hard to understand the idea of common humanity. It is true humans all epereince these emotions and it is only to ones disadvantage when we tell ourselves were the only ones who have ever felt these emotions. In truth we are the only ones who experience things given we all have different perspectives, childhoods, personalities, and biology of our brains.. yet i think that an important to try to find the common humanity. empathy, relating to one another. we are more alike than we are different. YOu know when your on the freeway and you wonder where are all these people going. Myabe some are picking up there kids, going to a booty call, stopping to grab bananas at the store, and we wont ever know, everyone is all doing there own thing, eveyone is jsut driving just going to work doing things and im wo dering if anyone else is freaked out about what is happening. Why the hell are we here?n why iseveryone not freaking out with the little time we have, i want to make the most out of what is happeing i dont want to waste any more time not being  where i want to be, i wanted to be skinny so i can go on with my life. But i geuess thats alos the point of life. ive been so worried about living that i havnt actually been living. Im failing at an attempt to handle my shit. I look back on the past and how come i can only think, mostly think of the bad things. The relationships that i shouldve ended sooner cuz i didnt really lvoe them as i thought love would be. THey were all merely a disspointment. That sounds rude but to put it this way i alwyas thought there was something better for me. MY parents used to say at times “its never enough for you katie” maybe that is true. maybe im never satisidef. Maybe it was because they were tired and had tried there best and i failed because my needs wernt meant. not that they were needs. I think back to guys ive hooked up with and wish i had higher standards. why did i find satisfaction in attention from people that didnt even care about me. WHen guys used me and i was glad to let them. Especailly when i had previous ly had crsushes on them. FUCK BOYS WITH J names. i dont know why im writing as if im writing a story. maybe it makes it easier maybeim trying to articulate my thoughts into something there not. I think about things that have happened and hope i can maybe use them as a testimony maybe ill meet the love of my life adn get to share all these stories... but i dont things play out like that and thats a weird perspective to have on things thsat occur. Like as if im a narrator. I would get so ecited to send cute pictures of myself when i was  baby and show my boyfriends, or share things with them but then i realized something. they dont care, well definlty not like me. That ecitement about it is not the same as the one im epereiecning and when i was sent baby pictures of them, i didnt feel that warmth in my heart. maybe that makes me a bitch or emotionally disconnected. but how do i know if im feelin. what connections have i made. I used to want to be under the influence and gina my therapist said that people go to substances to feel connection. When i was on coke, life was beautiful i could talk to anyoe and everyone adn words flowed so well. In my head, looking back i probably looked like a crack head and thats the reality of it. I can manipulate my reality but to what is its value if its a lie. if no one else feels or sees what im seeing. ona  nother thought  i think we can make up these sotries in our heads that arnt even true. like somone tells us something or we feel a certain way about ourself so and it ends upso our whole olives our affected by this painting in our head only to find out no one sees what were seeing. my dad said that we can change the past, welll we can change our past by changing how we look at it. and i think if we could grasp it it would change our lives. I think that i could look back and not feel that shame, or not feel that embarressment. But am i not a sum of all the words thoughts and actions ive done or had uot o this point? thats depressing, but if it were something i was proud of then yes i would like to be. but the truth is all wehave is the now and you can start now being a totally different person, but you cant run away from all the consequences of the past i guess they jsut dont matter if you decide to change. but then what about bridges burned. i guess my plan b ina  sense is to run away to another country. but then theres legal issues and this whole system and ates and bad guys and tso m8uch to worry about that i dont feela  sense of freedom. my information is online and under a sytem and i undertsadn why i just wish everything could be quiet for sa sec. mayeb i dont want to be aktie stowers anymore. I get jealos of girls born and raised pretyy. all ive done is starved myself in the process of becoming what i want to be but thats not even me. if i have to starve to et there then i feel as though i dont actuallyl deserve to be skinny. and i fee l so vain for obsessing over this fucking thought. iw anted to be skinny this is what ive said from the beginging can someoine please help me do it. the probelm is that im in treatment for anoreica sub purge type and the reality is that i cant lose weight withought going to etreme measures. it became the most important thing in my life and ive been strung up on the same thought since fucking march of 2018. talk about time wasted. although i know thats no way of looking at it. ive learned lessons and have ad so many beautiufl things happpen. I get told very kind things about myself. i wonder if im actually a kind person or i only do things simply to be a kind person. if eel kinda selfish but i guess we all are. i mean think about how amny bad things are happening in this world and children starving and here i am buying things i dont need anf focuing on myself. but im not doing anything about it. i mean i try to tip etra give to homless ifi can i just feel guilt because i could be doing more but ijalso know that im not responsibly to save the world. jsut seems wrong the way things are. thats why i believe everyone goes to heaven. maybe because i cant wrap my head around the possily fact that barrett wouldnt and also becasue the idea of eternal damnation dosnt seem like the character of a god i want to serve. i see so much bullshit in the church and i just dont know . am i jsut angry. I became so jdugemntal of those judging me and thats just as worse but when theres almost a cluba nd you dont fit into there critera it fucking hutts. and that dosnt feel liek jesus i think jesus wouldnt let us be seperated by rleigion or if you drank last weekend. I think we should all unite and love each other and thats what reallly matters. yet here i am obsessed over being skinny. im down to 4 hour as of yesterday and i feel so much better i do. i just wish i could have one long 2 day therapy session whre i fucking figure out all my shit. ive gone to so much therapy and its been etremly helpful i jsut dont wanna waste anymore time with this baggage. I dont wanna go a minute longer when i could giure all this out. i guess what im saying is i want my life tp be an open canvas and not be unravveling and my childhood issues poopping up.. i want to go into the fututre knowing what i know adn epeireicning my life as it plays out. but i am 18 ishouldnt be thinking this much into things huh i should just let it be and lvie my life. i should be doung homework an teting my frienfds or going on a date. but thats not ther eality of things and alos i think ill look abck and things will be different. IOm also int reatment rn so oviously my situation is not exactly normal. i really do love to write i used to always want to be an author. but i dont kno0w anymore. i jsut dont really like how the sytem works i hate how we all have to go to college amd study things i dont give a fuck about and then some struggle at there 9-5 to merely surve eand ig uess i dont like the thoughr of that. and i know were suppsoed to find joys in the little things i think things are jsut freaking me out. iw ant to quit smoking nicatine but everyday i go out and do it. ig uess that meanns i dont really want to stop because if i did i would. i  and then i feel slightly guilty and opackiy because his is the only boduy im given. like does that not freak everyone out. this is the only way we are able to eperience life. think about how quickly it can be ended. i think that is too much pwier overmyself. nmot that im suicidal but i do think i hgave the power to find out super son what is after this life. judgment day, pure nothingness, maybe ill become a=one of the many ants i ahev enjoyed killed as a punsihemtn for msyelf. or hoe[fully and maybe ill entire a heaven with a lovuing god. a state of being with loved ones. I think thats why people like the idea of heavn the idea that you will see people later. but that discount the factof pain. when someones child dies they dont feel any less pain because a verse about being reunited with the,. because the truht im scared to tyee is that theres a possibility heaven isnt rela. and the loved one that is lost will never be in your reaach again.i feel sad for how ome peoples lifeves go. i hope they get a chance in the after life to have what they wanted. but then i think abotu abd guys. i wouldnt want them in my heaven. i guess maybe who we all our at our core is who would be in heaven beyond all the nasty. yet i dont believ flesh is nasty and i dont believ trying my whole life to not be something i was made to be. if my flesh is evil adn mankind is doomed what the fuck is that. i dont think god would set us upnto fail and i believ ehe understands we are human. and gpd is god and god knew everything that was going to happen up to npw. u know whats crazy is that on the time line we are on the edge of what is to come. being aluive rn. and its crazy that i wont be here in 100 years. ill be merely history. but rn we are whats happneing 7:12 november 11th. we are up to datebecause we are merely aliver. unless there is different universes and this is m,erely a simulation. but besides the point. barrett was talking about just how many books songs and information there is. that makes me pancik there is so many people so many things i could learn and musici could listen to that no one can listen to it all. maybe theresa song out there that is my favorite son that ill never get to lsiten to but i gues si jsut have to trust that the universe ligns up as it should and my life will happen as it should. and alll these things are happneing and were floating in the middle of space and yet i feel like people arnt freaking out. like what hthe actual fuck is happneing. and why do iu want to soedn my one life doing shit that dosn matter or something i dont even love. but thats how life works because you have to have moneya nd i do love bying things. and i jsut need to relax. because when people look back on there past they think if i could only tell msyelf its going to be okaya nd to have fun. why cant i do taht i mean i can but tehn these thughts come in. iwant to be skinny i also love food. starving was easy and i like d seeing my bones show,. i wanted people to see me and know i was hurting but people dont wanna be sround sa dpeople i guess i just wanted o be rescued. and at the same time it was nice to focus on the thingsd because even if all went ot hell if i restricted enought hat was okay my eating idsorder would tell me that  everything was going to be okay because i was taking care of the one thing i actaully wanted. writing this makes me sound crazy to msyelf. i have so many things i want to larn and do and so having an eating disorder makes me feel limated. amd truly it does limit me. it dosnt allow me to worry and think about these tihngs. i just really want to be skinnya dn i dont know where this started or why its so impiortant but i just am not a fann of my boyd. and i know tis terirble because im more than m y body and i know i cant stave mtyself and i know that this makes me self cenetred i know that it didnt pkay out as the damsel in distress that i wanted i know wthat i pushed loved ones away and made desisions taht really arnt alligned with my values because truly i didnt care i just wanted to get skinny i know i didnt look healthy bu in my mind that s the best ive eever looked. i know that the husband i meet is going to lvoe me for whats beond my appreance so it dosnt matter and getting atention from others isnt satisying and only leaves me feeling empty i knwo lifes to short to count your calories, to walk around feeling fraila nd loung every seconds. to reach 109 and not see a body close to what was at 116. to talk about numbers because they w]makr improtant parts of my life adn to allso swear that i dont care that much about the numbers. i care about the look. but if what they say is true and i ahve body dismprhia thats impossible. they say the eating idpsrder says itll never be enough. it will nevr be satisiuded. “ its never enough katie” never enough

and so maybe its me maybe im just this warped person. why do memories come back so weird and hwy did i have su h weird thoughts a s f\child. why do i get filled with so much rage. somtiems i think im the most grogeous girl and others i want to killmsyelf because i fel worthless. imm not suicdial but i can remeberthe first time i thought about killing kmyself i was in the abck seat of the car my brothers wre all teasing me about soething but for whatecer reason i was upset by it. i remebr crying and thinking how bad thye would feel if i killed myself. i carried this idealation iwht me later on. gina says i used this as a coping skill.w whenevr someone was mean, didnt say the right thing, didnt invite me, or a aprent said something hurtful. o thouhgt about it as if i were a ghost. watching how sad they were that they had not done better with me. that they said those angry words last to me instead of teeling me uhow much they lvoed me. that when they gossiped ghey felt so bad after because i was dead. i sometimes wish i could watch this unfold. but thats demented and evil. my ghost smiling with satifdaction as she watches loved one who id love and people who were simply lvingnthere life be affected by this. what good would it do to me or them. it would ruin them, does thaa amke mf evil. and then i realzie thats not how death wokrs. ill go to  wahtevr is after this.a dm why would i waste my eistence on a disguestingnromantizsm of revenge.  shpuld move on better msyelf and make connections and share with my lovedones hwen theyve hurt me or that i need more love.  i love treamnt. i love the lif3 im having. besids hating my body i love doing art and larning life skills and if eel like pooeple love me for me there and i can really be myself and support others. but i cant live my life in treatment. i want to relapse theres a few pros to this. one i get skinny againa dn can take pcitures while im skinnya dn try to do it a healthier way. 2 i can jsut go back to treatment and 3 thats a big fuck you to insuracne and theyll realize i coudlve used more help. my ancupucture lady said i need to let people help me adn its tru. i can read boooks hae copnversations go toa therapist but what goofd does it do if its not evn sticking with me. if i dont allow it to change me. im so stuck in that i want to be skinny. but im also tired of haojng my body, the thought about being okay iwht my body is sad to. ill jsut be ugly and not care? amd i wont be ablr to beas beautiful as i want to be. the law of attraction streases me out to because what if everytihng im writing is manif3sting as we speak. hut io cant just iugnore all thse thoughts. its good to journl ane write. i smoked the other night and told susan and brooke but lied to my treatment team. but honestly i was anxious the whole time and outside of playing with myself and dougna  trippy spiritaul mediaiton itwasnt the best time. it ,made me realize i enjoy beig sober bcecause i can do lall the things i want to do and not be stupid and i can be mindful. but then i feel a little desperate at the idea of not having anys ubstances. i sjsut need to create a good ralit y formyself. also i just don tfeel like im the little blon girl in my baby photos like me and her arnt \even the same person but i am i am her in 18 year old form. i jsut dont even know who i am or whats happening. iw ant to chilla dn i need to find balance. maybe this is because my brain has more room oto think about thoings. it kinda hurts me that my mom dsont know that much about eating disorders but yet she says she knows how bad these thionhd can get. likes he can talk so much about me needing help and this and that and yet she hasnt veen taken the tiem to udnerstand what it is im goi g throug. but i shoudlnt epect her to i dont evn knkw what is happneing. cons of relasping is more time wwasting life farther form my hoal. what is my goal all i can think abou t is working on my body bye cercising and eating healthy after treatment. iu dont underdstand why people dopnt think this is a huge thing for me. it makes it so i cant wear what. im so tired of caring. i want to get out of my head. but reality is i am katie and i have to deal wiht whats going on it dosnt do any good whining about it. another con is that my family would be disapinted. im kinda scared i ahev cancer ir im going ot die and jus stop breatinh. its probaly jsut anxiety . nbut i think about the drugs ive done and all that ive smoked and when ive starved and i wonder if im jsut shutting gdown. but i guess were all shutting down. but you cant tell kids these tihngs they dont care and they wouldnt undertsnad. i guess im jsut freaking out at my very eistence. im also very thankful to ebe alive. the fact were all ehsiting rn is crazy i think everything happens for a reason and theres a beautiful lessona nd “work of art called love” desinged by the creator. i ksut dpnt think itds what people think its actaully is. julian is just dsigusing why was i ever ino him. but i cant stop 16 year old me by being into him. but he really wasa dick adn oi dont think hes aw the value in me. my idea of him thinking that was because hesa  lot uglier than me or the line in fredys song where he says “ why would a girl like you fall for a guy like me” and he saud thatr eminded him of us i thought that was so sweet. MO that dosnt mean he values me. why was i so okay with accepting bullshit.a nd nathan. i really liked nathan we were bestfriends. but i got really cazy jealous. i was supposed to eat2 and ahalf hours ago and im not rally hungry. hence my hunger ques are off. i lost 4 lbs over the weekedn and im on weight restoration i was given till friday before i have tonadd even more additions because im not supposed to be lsoing weight. but i dint feel sad baout it. i felt eciteed i guess my bodys ina  place where it can lsoe weight easily. i feel like i should take advantage of it. is this litterally the eating disorder tuyping as we speak am i poseed. it is katie stowers. i guess thats what an eating idorder does. i think i ought to steer clear of caffense and weed. make things a little less harde.r and truly i shuld try to quit nicatine. ots just so nice to do but i think i ought to just not do it. i think idts a porblem because i can already mpciture me going outside after break and smoking. “evntually ill quit shes aid” when i quoted julien baker in her song ahppy to be hee to esther it says “ i miss you the way that i miss nicatine” she waled away after. felt a little judged honeslt and i dont think it was cuz of me but i am better than to smoke nicatine. i think im gonna not do it tomorow. adn if i succeed well see about friday. but it is a hbit i shoudl break. but anyways theres a lot to worry about and be ecited about to and im having a hard time manging it all. and i opuld go on times ten of whats been happneing in my brain ina  therap y session but it dosnt happne.

[anarchistsuggestion]

hey, vaccinate your kids you jerks!!!

thanks for coming to my essay! now that i have your attention, i think we should stop talking about anti-vaxxers like theyre all backwards hyper-religious dumbasses. like, im frustrated too, and i agree that "personal/religious reasons" should not allow someone to keep their kids unvaccinated. furthermore, as an autistic person, i despise the myth that vaccines cause autism. i especially hate that it scares people into avoiding vaccines, because theres nothing wrong with me.

but ridiculing these people will only make the problem worse, and here's why: i think that a lot of anti-vaxxers and their communities are used to feeling like the most important aspects of their cultural identities are universally mocked or demonised (im not qualified to say whether these feelings reflect reality in every case, but either way im just talking about feelings, ie, what people think we believe about their culture). for instance, my only knowledge of amish people comes from jokes ive seen others make about them. yes, none of these jokes were very serious, and its easy for me to laugh at them because im not amish, but despite my low empathy i can understand that it just feels bad to hear a whole bunch of jokes about something important to you. i'll get back to this point in a moment.

anyway, i bring up the amish because in 2014, there were measles outbreaks in some amish communities in Ohio. and i think that a lot of the people who dont vaccinate their kids are used to being ridiculed for their "weird" or "new age" or "hyper-religious" or "unchristian" lifestyles, so they just see our concern as more of that mockery. we all sound the same to them, and cant you see why?

"ughh all these people ignoring science and being stubborn about vaccines because their church said--" you sound like one of those atheists. if you cant say anything productive, please stay out of the discussion. why do you act like ridiculing people will change their minds? we should be reaching out, instead.

we need to make the effort to approach anti-vaxxers in a way that distinguishes us from those who only converse with them to mock them.

i want more people to understand that the best way to change someone's mind when they're defensive is by listening. you need to be willing to accept whatever they might rant about, and respect that, even if their fears seem ridiculous, even if their fears are rooted in ableism, their fears still terrify them. thats why theyre called fears. you can validate someone's feelings of anxiety and confusion without validating their bigotry, and you must be willing to accept that this is work. this is difficult. it's much, much harder than yelling your opinions. it's exhausting, and sometimes it doesn't even pay off. sometimes you just can't convince somebody, and you have to be able to accept that.

if this seems too hard for you, i have good news: you do not have to do it. this kind of thing is not for everyone, and it's okay if you just don't want to. this doesn't have to be your responsibility.

i only ask that you stop making things worse by (performatively, in the case of yall who arent in danger of dying/losing a loved one to a preventable disease) mocking anti-vaxxers, because we are the ones who need something from them. we are asking them to face their fears (which were sometimes instilled in them very early in their childhood) for the good of humanity. i don't know about all of you, but i'd be hesitant at best to face even my third worst fear (spiders) for the sake of strangers who regularly mock my culture and heritage, and i know for a fact that most spiders cannot harm me!

this is natural. this is human. it is easy to dismiss things you dont understand, and it's even easier to dismiss them when all the scientific evidence agrees with you. however, your evidence does not make these people's experiences and fears less real for them. it does not lessen the effect their fear has on their choices. knowing that a tarantula won't hurt me if i follow certain guidelines will not stop me from shaking and having a breakdown if i think too hard about touching one. knowing that nothing bad would happen doesn't motivate me to go over to the science building at my college and ask to hold their fucking tarantula.

there are no shortcuts here. if we want anti-vaxxers to accept vaccines and stop putting so much effort towards keeping their children unvaccinated, we have to convince them that they don't need to be afraid of vaccines. we need to actually address their concerns. telling them their fears are ridiculous is just not convincing no matter how much scientific evidence you have. this discussion has become too performative. people just tell anti-vaxxers to vaccinate their kids, and they dont bother to address the fear that motivates their opponents. they don't care that they're asking people to trust a yelling internet stranger with their child's health.

it is inconsiderate to demand things from people without stopping to think about what you're asking for. please think about it from their point of view. if vaccines were dangerous, and they vaccinated their kids, then anything bad that happened to their kids due to the vaccines would be their responsibility. and remember, these people have not been given a convincing reason to believe vaccines are harmless. okay? they do not want to be at fault for their children getting hurt. yes, they are wrong. yes, they are frustrating. yes, they are endangering immunocompromised people like my dad, but there is a huge difference between being malicious and being misguided. please do not treat them like they set out to hurt you.

also? stop telling them to care about other people when you don't care enough about them to respect that they're doing their best with the resources they have. stop saying "i dont know how to explain to you that you should care about other people" when you really just want them to magically stop being scared. maybe you say it out of genuine frustration and bewilderment, but when everyone is saying it, it comes across like a smug 'gotcha!' phrase that excuses you from spending more energy on the debate. you can just say youre tired and stop.

i am trying to explain to you that you should care that these people have felt scammed/hurt by the medical industry enough times that they feel justified in risking the health of their whole family (assuming they even think vaccines work). you should care that theyve never been given a convincing reason to trust remedies promoted by rich strangers who make claims that sound too good to be true. the government has promoted harmful things to underprivileged people before, like milk (it took me a half hour to sift through unrelated stuff about soy milk to confirm this, so i'll go ahead and link my source). it is logical to mistrust an industry that operates for the profit of people youve never met. not everyone trusts the FDA to keep the pharmaceutical industry in check, and it's actually pretty smart to rely on direct accounts from people you know personally when you aren't sure how well something actually works, and you dont trust the ones selling it to you.

with that in mind, talking to people is probably the best way to tackle this issue, but many of you haven't bothered to compile introductory information about vaccines. you havent bothered to present these resources in a way that doesn't ridicule people who are scared. i am trying to explain to you that you shouldn't debate with people if you won't treat them like humans. i am trying to explain to you that "you dont actually care about others" is a hurtful and manipulative sentiment, and when you say it to people who are trying their best, you become part of the problem. you reinforce their mistrust. i am trying to explain to you that trusting doctors doesnt make you morally superior.

put yourself in their shoes for a moment. imagine that someone comes up to you and makes it clear that they think the choices you've made as a parent are ridiculous. they make claims about your child without offering proof, or the only proof they offer also mocks you and people like you (or they just tell you to "google it"). furthermore, they tell you that unless you give in, something bad will happen to their own children, and it will be your fault.

this is manipulative. even if you are correct, it is manipulative. demanding that someone treat their child in a way that they consider harmful is just ridiculous and i don't know why you expect people to listen to you. do you expect this to be easy? do you honestly believe that if someone isn't converted within minutes, they're just being stubborn? do you think these people know the truth, and only persist out of spite?

these questions are necessary, because many of you talk about anti-vaxxers as though the answer is 'yes.' there is a difference between being correct and treating people right. please be more aware of that line in the future, and do your best not to cross it.

oh, and by the way, if i see any of you using this year's measles outbreaks as an excuse to be hateful towards jewish people, i will block and report you. antivaxxers usually arent malicious, and if you perceive orthodox jewish antivaxxers as being worse than other antivaxxers, you need to rethink your beliefs. they arent rejecting vaccines just to hurt you. maybe theyre tired of being demonised and blamed for everything from climate change to unemployment to dead kids*, and theyre unwilling to trust random people with something as important as the health of their children when a lot of us have never bothered to listen to their struggles. (* ive seen a whole lot of people saying things that border on blood libel without quite involving blood during these discussions, so can we all agree to be careful not to do anything that resembles that shit now that ive provided a handy link about what it is? thanks)

lastly, all of this criticism of anti-anti-vaxxers is very easy for me to say because i have less of a personal stake in the issue. i know it must hurt in a way i can't currently understand to lose someone to a preventable disease. if i have made anyone feel dismissed or invalidated in this essay post, i'm sorry for doing so, and i want to make it clear that it is okay if you hate anti-vaxxers. i know their fear has hurt you, and i wouldn't ask you to pretend otherwise. i dont want to make any of you feel like you shouldn't talk about your experiences and fears. i'm just asking that, before you hit the post button, you read through your post and edit out anything manipulative or guilt-trippy. your contributions to this conversation are valuable, and i want the people youre trying to convince to be able to read them without feeling like they have to defend themselves instead of listening to you. the culture around this debate has become almost hostile, and while we dont all need to work directly with anti-vaxxers to make it better, we do all need to agree to stop making it worse.

[mumpkins]

Private OC Rating

Done by @cho-rates​, I just decided to have the balls to make it public and answer questions! (as well as fix some things)

cho’s comments and questions will be in BOLD. 

My answers and fixed places will be in ITALIC!

Name: Shotaro Kaneda

Hero/Villain Name (if applicable): N/A

Age: 24 ( An aged up verse, he’s a couple years older than 1-A. Though sometimes I will portray his teen years as well, I have more information on his adult verse. I do want to flesh out teen years at some point though lol )

Birthday: September 5 (a virgo eww)

Gender: Male

Orientation: Bi-sexual

Height: 5'7"

Weight: 133 lbs

Hair: ear-length, fixed but slightly unruly, black

Appearance: Athletic agile build, Asian descent, brown eyes, red tinted hands and feet, small red horns on his forehead, long spiked / devilish red tail

Body: Athletic agile build

Quirk: Steam – Kaneda can build up and blow a hot steam that can potentially burn (or even melt depending on the force) his opponents. (Ahaha, the quirk fits the body appearance. I bet this one is going to be a hot head or really sweet)

Weakness: Building up and releasing too much steam at once can cause overexertion to the point where he can and will collapse and not be able to move for a while. Also his fucking ego. (LMFAO, I guess we’re dealing with the former and not the latter!)

Personality: Kaneda becomes the main symbol of defiance, expressing anarchy behavior towards authority and absolutely does not accept blatant disrespect. Kaneda values loyalty and becomes vengeful when trust is broken. He is impulsive, hot-headed, egotistical, and maintains a tough exterior; however, he is brave, independent, and highly empathetic. As a leader, Kaneda will look out for the safety and well-being of his allies, and will throw himself in front of a bullet for them if need be. (This!! I like that you didn’t make him a straight jerk and that you gave him good traits as well!)

Do they work well with others?: You are either with him or against him. By default he will work well if not negotiate unless you have a badge stating your authority.

Family: Parents deceased; family is his gang of brothers, all misfits and loyal to the bone

Friends (other oc’s or in BNHA universe): OC’s; his bike gang

Enemies(other oc’s or in BNHA universe): literally by default does not trust the cops or heroes (LOL)

Romantic Interests: by happenstance, Izuku Midoriya (LOL pt.2)

What do they think about heroes?: Oh shit oh fuck uhhhh

A couple of things about heroes. He sees the rise of fame being motivation for pro-heroes lately. They seem real fake to him, and it runs along the lines of Stain’s idea of “false heroes”. But he also sees them as a bunch of buzz kills when he’s trying to ride out and do his own thing that happens to be illegal. (LOL this guy is so problematic in a very headass type of way and it’s really entertaining. He’s a really fun character to read about.)

What do they think about villains?: They’re somewhat easier to work with, but he does not associate himself with hardcore villains either. As much as he himself could easily be considered one, he considers himself more in a grey area. He won’t kill a hero – actually he hesitates to kill anyone – but he won’t turn on a villain either if only because any of them could either arrest him or kill him. (Ah, he’s smarter than he lets on. I wonder how much of this is empathy and how much of this is him saving his own ass,,)

In terms of villains, he’s very much along the lines of “snitches get stitches”. At this point it doesn’t matter what his views are with a villain or a rival gang, he’s not gonna call the cops or any heroes as that is a lower blow than trying to either run or solve the issue on his own. He would rather risk his dignity than call the authorities. 

Is their first reaction to danger: flight or fright?

Depends on the danger. If he knows it’s an even match, he’ll throw fists. If he knows he has no chance, he’ll turn tail (heh) and run. (i’m actually laughing omg stop)

If they had to be stuck on an island with one BNHA character, who would it be and why?

don’t don’t ever give him the option (brO TELL ME)

Favorite holiday and why?

Halloween. As a child he always loved to dress up as his favorite hero. As an adult, he’s more attuned to the day before Halloween as “Mischief Day” and takes “tricks” to the extremes.

Do they have a certain way of dressing/ style?

His wardrobe is casual and lazy punk clothes. He does occasionally sport a bright red jacket with his gang’s logo on the back.

Pet peeves: Assuming his character for his looks (I mean you right but he hates it) (LMFAO I’m trying to give a serious review here and you hitting me with all this lolol)

Favorite food: shrimp tempura and rice

Favorite drink: Pepsi (ayyeee, pepsi > coke)

What is their favorite season/weather?: Summer

What is their sleep schedule like?: Whenever (mood)

Introvert, Extrovert or Ambivert?: Extrovert

Quickest way to upset them?: Pull his tail (I….I’m so tempted)

What type of student were they/are they?: Given that he only went to school so he didn’t have to do community service… he did the bare minimum, still got held back once (got mightily pissed off about it), and left as soon as he turned 18. Will also add that the school he went to was one step closer to juvie.

Superlative that fits them best (class clown, teachers pet, etc): Most Likely Will Be His Own Boss

A song you associate with them: Survival of the Fittest - Robert DeLong

What’s their diet like?: He will inhale anything in front of him, but he has a real fast metabolism

What’s the last thing they ate?: McDonald’s burger combo

Hobbies: riding his motorcycle and sometimes play video games

Guilty Pleasures: I mean. If you got the dokis for a hero and you’re a real anarchist……..

When and what was the last thing that made them cry?: laid in bed one night. like you do. thought about where his life was. wondered where it was going. you know just one of those fun nights. (this got too real too fast and i feel mildly attacked)

General Extras: In general, he is a real neutral guy that doesn’t play sides unless you’re on his specifically. He doesn’t take being talked down to and will even argue his side to keep himself above it all. Even raise fists. But he is impulsive as shit and does not always think his decision through. Definitely not book smart, but strongly street smart and highly confident in his actions. (I get that vibe from everything you’ve said, you summarized it really well and took the words out of my mouth!)

Do you plan on filling out a roleplay form(No pressure if you don’t want to do it, this is more for me so I can keep your forms together if you send in both): nah I’m just curious about this one

Creator Name (that’s you!): Mumzy

Blog name where I can contact you: mumpkins

Did you have fun doing this?! (pls just say yes so my feelings don’t get hurt): I REALLY DID and eventually there came a point where I was literally like “well shit he’s kind of a dumb bastard what else is there”

PLEASE JUST SEND THE ANSWERS DIRECTLY TO ME I DON’T NEED THIS POSTED 8’D

I’ll post it private and send you the link!

*deep inhales* BOI. Shotaro is such an unintentional meme?? Like big crackhead vibes from him like…he’s really just a lil misfit goin around and doing as he pleases,, so much angst in this one like??? (i hope you dont take any offence to this,, i just really like his character lol) he seems pretty factious to me LOL. I like his quirk, simple and easy and his weakness is plausible, no OP oc’s here! His personality really shined through and you portrayed him well. That little paragraph you wrote summarizing him was a really solid description and would be perfect for a character sheet. The only inconsistencies were, at the top you put his age as 17 but in the “what type of student were they” you mentioned him turning 18 but otherwise he is a really solid character! I’m 20 something so I can’t crush on anyone younger than 20 but he’s really… *deep breath* …moving on. I love his personality and the fact that he’s this punk but in reality he’s an impartial dude who is chill unless something offends him or opposes him but he is also very loyal and empathetic, two qualities that I love!

Idk if you wanted questions since this is a private rating but i’ll put some either way and u can choose to fill em out or nah,, i mainly do it to help develop character and its just fun to talk abt oc’s sooo,,

What job do you see him having in the future? He’s not really here no there so i’m interested!

After he drops out of high school, he flat out does not know what to do. As he is familiar with criminal work, he stays to what he knows with his bike gang... and incidentally gets picked up by mob members. He begins as an errand boy for one organized group, but never is he ever initiated as a member. After having been exposed by a variety of assignments from various villains, by the age of 20 he’s doing all kinds of illegal work. He becomes a man for hire in the undergrounds, helping with drug trafficking, enforcement, body guarding, petty thieving, etc. You name it, he’s probably done it.

But that’s only in the dark. To keep himself balanced, he’s also a bar back for a local bar in the sketchy side of town. An honest job when he meets people and can tell them what he does for work without putting off any red flags.

A couple of reasons why he does shady work is not due to enjoyment. Actually, he wishes he never got involved as everyday feels like he’s at risk of getting killed for angering the wrong person. He doesn’t plan ahead of his life only because he could step outside one morning and breathe his last breath. For one thing, his best friend who grew up with him and is part of his gang is in rehab at this point and Kaneda is the only person who he can turn to for help -- by this, Kaneda opts to pay those hospital bills with the quick and astounding amount of money he receives from criminal work. Another reason is plain and simple: once he has done work for one organized criminal group, once his name is spread around the underground as a reliable hire, there’s no way of suddenly dropping that life without risking it all.

Is there anything in particular he does to relax?? Tv, music, hobbies, etc,

The best way he can relax is riding his motorcycle in the late hours of the night. He loves the city, and will speed through until he finds open road where he will just continue to ride until he feels calm again.

If he’s especially frustrated and the steam has built up in his lungs, he will hold it in until he finds a safe spot (preferably home) to release it all and collapse for a while. Yes, his apartment would be a sauna if he doesn’t open his windows.

Sex also helps.

Is he a pessimist or optimist? He’s very unbiased it seems so I wonder what his personal mindset is,,

More of an optimist, but in a way where he prefers to mask sorrow and tension with humor and a lighter perspective. He can’t afford to not be confident, and he tries his damndest to pass that on given the circumstances. “This will work” he would say to an idea he briefly thought of, mostly trusting his gut and hoping that if he passes on the mindset and convinces others of his confidence, then yes in some way things will work out.

But I also say that he’s not very optimistic of his own future (sorry to bring this back). He lives for the moment, but given the life he lives, he does not trust it will be a long one. 

So it’s hard to explain, but he’d more say, “nothing matters in the end; do whatever the hell you want now”.

[asherlockstudy]

Pls ignore if u dont wanna discuss!I find it interesting you see link as a 'strategic thinker' when I feel like alot of ppl think the opposite(to the point of ytcomments calling him slow/an idiot/on the spectrum).Tho I think alot of his wideeyed goofiness is put on, I put part of awkward stuff said down to not considering implications before talking. Theres even an old video where he talks about how he could reveal something embarrassing at any time and it's part of his personality hes had to ow

Yeah, I know, it’s a rather unusual viewpoint but I stick sooooo hard to it! However, please note that I’m not at all confident about the way I explained my points here. What follows is: 

An unnecessarily long essay on how Link Neal’s mind works that makes me worry about myself because honestly why did I even write all this and I am not at all sure I know what I’m talking about, sorry

First of all, those who think Link is an idiot need to pay more attention. Link is probably the control freak (to avoid the term “Big Boss” that would be unfair for Rhett) behind their successful corporation and this takes something more than a slow guy. He could be close to what you can call “on the spectrum”, with his systems and OCD and all, but people with Asperger’s are usually very intelligent anyway. I think Link has these systems mostly for psychological reasons though, the routine makes him feel safer. 

Anyway, most of his silly moments are made up for laughs like you said and his ability to confuse the audience as to whether he ‘s trully that silly is technically another success on his part, although I feel he’s getting tired of this role lately. 

When Link chooses a stupid answer in a quiz or makes a foolish choice in a game, there is usually a pattern of two explanations:

He often provides a perfect reasoning and then inexpicably goes for the wrong answer / choice, which proves he’s trying to lose in order to get punished for entertaining purposes. He sometimes is in the lead and suddenly gives bonus points to Rhett or something, so there is higher probability for him to lose or, even better, both of them to get punished. On average, if it can’t be ideally both of them, Link subtly tries to be the one getting the punishment. Perhaps he considers his own reactions more dramatic (they usually are) and therefore funnier. In short, Link prefers to get in trouble as long as he provides an entertaining product. It’s a conscious decision that he hides behind silliness. On the contrary, if Rhett can avoid a punishment, he will do so because Rhett often sets as a priority to not look like an idiot.

He genuinely made a stupid choice. Thanks to his hobbies and interests, Rhett is more well-rounded and knowledgeable than Link but if you take the occurences of explanation #1 out of the equation, the ratio of the times Link is being stupid to the times Rhett is gets significantly smaller. Of couse, being less knowledgeable has nothing to do with quick / strategic thinking. 

Speaking of quick thinking, Link tends to be wittier than Rhett. Not that Rhett isn’t incredibly witty already but I think Link is as much and slightly more. 

In the rare occasion of serious discussions, there are two other possibilities:

Link usually tries to make light of every single conversation (eg in Ear Biscuits), stuck to the fact that they are supposed to be a comedic duo, which isn’t always a guaranteed success and sometimes even generates awkwardness. Rhett doesn’t do that and since he also is the one who usually provides information / knowledge, he comes off as more intelligent and mature without this being necessarily the case. 

When Link is 100% serious about something, he’s very different. His stature is different, his facial expressions are different, his eyes become more piercing, even his voice gets deeper. It’s not like Link is a psycho but there are some extremes in his personality and he is usually good at keeping each extremity for where it’s supposed to be. His childish side is ideal for GMM. In rare serious discussions with Rhett on GMMores etc, I find myself agreeing with Link most of the time and despite Rhett’s confidence that he knows Link like the back of his hand, I feel Link actually understands Rhett on an even deeper level than Rhett does. I also think he’s more self aware than Rhett and just knows both of themselves better than Rhett. On the other hand, Rhett is better at manipulating a conversation to his benefit and frequently oozes so much certainty on his argument that Link ends up in the losing side because he knows convincing Rhett otherwise is a challenge and he just gives up. For a long time I instictively thought Rhett was on the right because he gives off this impression of always being right. But when I started paying more attention, I started getting Link’s points more and more. In short, Link is a thoughtful guy ;) whenever he’s given the chance to show it (almost never, sadly). 

Now that I expanded on this which wasn’t even what you exactly wanted me to discuss originally, let’s go to your ask in particular. (I just felt I needed to explain first why I don’t consider Link slow.) 

As I already mentioned, Link has some extremities in his personality. He is impulsive and emotional which means his emotions drive his actions before his brain can stop him. When he’s angry or very excited or feels sarcastic or anything really, he will just blurt out whatever’s on his mind. But that doesn’t mean Link does not understand what he is talking about, it just means he doesn’t have a good filter on his mouth and at the moment he does not care to have one either. 

There might be a paradox about Link - although he strikes me as an extrovert, he is actually not particularly socially skilled. But social awkwardness has little to do with intelligence as a whole (there is what we call social intelligence of course) and it is more common than not for intelligent people to be socially awkward and generate many weird moments. Then again, Link is very sensitive in awkwardness or inappropriate remarks or insults when it’s someone else doing it (not necessarily to him) which makes me think that he has a perfect understanding of what he says too at all times, only he’s usually bursting too much with enthusiasm, fury, hurt, irony or love to keep his mouth shut effectively. In occasions when he feels uncomfortable, another extremity of his is severe anxiety and he feels so much pressure to improve the situation that he will try to say anything to alleviate the moment which inevitably leads to failure quite often. I think that’s what happens in his personal awkward moments. 

In GMM, in all these lovely moments when Link says something that makes us go “What on earth did he say again?”, like 85% of it, Link is perfectly super-absolutely aware of what he’s saying. Extremely aware. Like the “meat flap” to Stevie. He’s also angry in that video which explains his boldness. Or even the “Your wife can hang out with me anytime” to Rhett. I start suspecting he was even playing up a bit his shocked reaction after the Newsical kiss with Rhett. That’s how gloriously evil I consider him

The rest is because of emotions and an even looser filter since Link knows that there are no really bad implications that can occur during GMM unless, I dunno, he says something really horrible which he doesn’t really do. I mean, Rhett may say something extremely awkward more rarely but it usually can be even worse or more hurtful than whatever Link says. 

Last but not least, Link is the epitome of clumsiness. This contributes to the idea of him being foolish, although they are not really correlated, if anything, it’s just a stereotype. His brain also tends to get stuck to a certain thing which makes him  oblivious to anything else for the time being but I seriously doubt it is as much of a deal as Rhett makes it to be. Technically this is filtering of what matters to him, at least in his case.

But when Link is not a rollercoaster of emotions and feels relaxed or has already processed something and is confident about it, that’s when the strategic thinking comes up and I seriously think he’s unbeatable.  I think Rhett has a more relatable kind of intelligence and he is clever in pretty much everything more or less whereas Link can be absolutely ignorant in what he doesn’t care about but can easily rip everyone apart in any field he shows an interest in and that is beneficial for him (management, finances, marketing, humour, entertainment, acting, psychology, yes, psychology, remember Sheena who said he has amazing empathy and he is the leader? Sheena knew what she was talking about). And probably many other fields of interest I don’t know about but all these need a good strategic brain. Link channels his intelligence in certain ways, probably for efficiency, and his way of thinking is also a bit peculiar which might estrange initially but he’s veeeeeeeeeeeeeeery clever underneath this carefully constructed persona. And underneath that soft cookie there is a much more challenging man to deal with. And underneath that divine calming smile there is a hell of emotions, good mixed with bad. I think he’s a very intense person. 

I find him so fascinating that he almost scares me. There is a small chance he fascinates me so much that I straight up imagine things about him but honestly I think I may be right about at least a few of these. He’s definitely much smarter than most people think he is, let’s leave it at that XD

[ajaegerpilot]

idk. its been on my mind lately wrt radfe/minism assigning moral value to certain .. demographics over others. like i get that there’s some type of appeal there. to be a lesbian, one of the most oppressed groups, and then to assign moral value to your oppression. but i mean, it doesn’t actually track. we’re all just humans. for good and ill. the way the world’s been split up, it could’ve split up differently and then we’d be shitty to each other in different ways. as it is, the dice fell where they lay and i’m not going to for example champion against misa/ndry where it doesnt exist. but saying that men are inherently oppressive.. they don’t have some type of gene that makes them hurt women. or even some unbreakable socialization. some assholes historically brute-forced or slowly boiled the frog to the point where equality was no longer an option socially or economically. there’s nothing genetically unique to white ppl that had us ripping apart the world. conversely there’s nothing about women or poc that invites oppression onto them. oppression isn’t logical.. (in the sense that you could justify oppression of a group, though oppressors try and indeed some members of oppressed groups eg te/rfs agree with them) beyond the logic of abuse and the benefits oppressors reap in a social system that allows them to and does not punish them for harming their victims.

idk. my - way of relating to this world has i think been guided by my desire to reduce pain. that’s why i’m confident in interacting with ppl i disagree with. if their way turns out to reduce pain then i’ll change my mind, as i’ve done in the past. but idk. its wild to me that some people can make some leaps of logic that i just can’t see how to bridge. like i was talking to some white supremacist on fucking runescape the other night (Dont ask how ThIs Shit got started) and like idk. that guy is kind of - okay like first of all. you know what fuck it. i know his game. his game is that he’s accepted a hierarchy of races at which he’s coincidentally at the top, and thus he views equality of other races as a threat to his position (and he’s correct!). and he views degeneracy (lgbt-ness) and probably women’s rights as a threat to his hierarchical position in patriarchal heterosexuality (and he’s correct!) he thinks that people would be happier and in less pain if europe was some white heaven and all the degenerates and poc were excluded, but that has nothing to do with how poc/degenerates are fairing, because he doesnt value them as full human like himself. so for him, everyone that matters is taken care of and pain has been reduced/eliminated (i mean, white supremacy is not sustainable like - it wouldn’t work, there is no white supremacist utopia because its an inherently violent ideology that requires subjugation of SOMEBODY to function it will never stop). but for me, everyone matters, unless they’re causing others pain.

ugh this is not cohesive!! but i lit a fire under my ass because i understand this dude again. but anyway, it’s frustrating because you really cannot convince people of universal humanity when their ideology and self-worth is hinged on there being hierarchies. transphobic radfeminism or like similar types of movements (i wont get into them because i’d be sticking my ass out of my lane) of people assigning hierarchical worth to their own oppression are different but similar. for one, the end result of transphobic radfeminism is, if you follow the logic - the assignment of babies as male or female, and the elimination of all males. like - there is the understanding that men are biologically predisposed to oppressing ‘females’, and that ‘females’ are inherently more worthy because they are biological martyrs in that sense, they are not tainted by a genetic compulsion or ability to oppress (incorrect of course for a number of reasons). so the only solution is to avoid relationships with ‘males’ and if you do they will without fail mistreat you and you’ve brought on your own suffering (by being a bi or straight woman). like i literally saw some terf say ‘welp it sucks that straight women are straight lmao lets get them robot boyfriends’ like WHAT?? there’s this huge disconnect to humanity and reality there, and a huge disconnect from empathy to vast swathes of the human population. it approaches things this bizarre sort of value judgement based on happenstance of birth (birthright, so to speak) from a different angle than ur average runescape white supremacist, but i think why there are parallels b/w te/rfs and white supremacists is because they both draw the same conclusion. like te/rfs say that men are subhuman because they biologically oppress women (and i’d agree within the sense that ppl who oppress others are less humane, except that te/rfs link it to something inescapable), white supremacists will say that poc/degenerates/women are less human because again - something apparently inescapable. the results of either of these ideologies is either genocide or seperatism, the former of which is horrifying and the latter of which is not actually feasible (at least without violence). it is the attempt of a scoundrel to comfort themselves by having pride in something they had no say in rather than their actions.

liike we have to understand that humans are like all CAPABLE of good shit, AND bad shit, and the fact that men (for example) can choose to fight for equality with women and don’t is what makes them uniquely bad. this is also is the only thing that brings hope. like, there’s also the fact that it is real. we are all working with humanity here. its just very hard to argue with people i think if they can’t agree with that premise. am i unique here? did my parents do me wrong by raising me to believe in my inherent humanity and the inherent humanity of others? i don’t think this was very coherent... but basically there is no value or worth that is granted to an individual being because they are a certain race or gender or sexuality. we are all the same damn dirty human worldwide, contending with lines that were drawn to subjugate some to raise up a few. but these lines were drawn, they are artificial. time to rip it down ykwim ;3c