#i think it every time someone mentions norn's invasion

[littjara-mirrorlake]

(This CA DMV post)

[realityhelixcreates]

Lasabrjotr Chapter 68: The Huldra Stone

Chapters: 68/?

Fandom: Thor (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe

Rating: Mature Warnings:

Relationships: Loki x Reader (There We Go)

Characters: Loki (Marvel), Thor (Marvel)

Additional Tags: Post-Endgame: Best Possible Ending (Canon-Divergent), Loki Has A Bad Time, 

Summary:  Dancing, anxiety, compassion, mercy, the Huldra Stone

It wasn't that you were trying to avoid Loki, it was just that circumstances kept pulling you apart. He'd been called upon early in the morning, just after you had woken up, and so breakfast and bathing had been separate. Saldis had come by to see if you needed help dressing; you hadn't for a while now, but with your arm still so tender, you had welcomed the help.

She had acted almost in awe, and you quickly found out that the story of you, standing up to a Frost Giant in defense of Asgardian children had flown from one end of the city to the other with the speed of a sonic boom.

People in the halls inclined their heads to you, moved out of your path. Loki was somewhere in the palace complex, dealing with royal duties, and you walked the halls alone now. All the way back to the library, cleaned up now, and with a makeshift door, until a new one could be obtained.

The broken table was gone, and the shelves righted, though there were far fewer people here than usual. You headed to one of the smaller side rooms, where Saga and Lofn were waiting.

“The heroine arrives.” Lofn said without looking up from the harp she was tuning.

“So she has.” Saga said. “And still on time too. How is your arm?”

“Sensitive.” You said. “But it's not getting any worse. The medicine worked really well.”

“Good, because we're going over traditional Buridag music and dances today.”

Lofn strummed her strings.

And you danced.

                                                                           *****

Loki was moping again. He wasn't even trying to hide it, and though the human ambassadors of Iceland and the human encampments didn't seem to notice, Thor certainly did. He had seen this before, more often after the transplant of Asgard, but also all throughout their lives. The encounter with the Frost Giant was clearly taking an emotional toll on him. Like Thor, he probably thought that he would never cross paths with another Frost Giant again, but the Norns liked to tease sometimes.

With their Icelandic representatives, they had to discuss the disposal of a Frost Giant corpse. The humans were understandably upset at the discovery of unknown alien invaders, left over from a thousand year old war, hidden beneath their feet.

Thor did what he could to reassure them; that evidence gathered from the giants resting site indicated that there were no armies hidden away in the ice. In fact. Heimdall's keen gaze had detected only two more in the ice tunnels, in the entire world, actually.

This did not have the calming effect he had hoped.

“Two! Two hrimthurs still here?” One exclaimed. “One was enough to cause havoc in your city! What chance do we have, if they get out?”

“It was only because we were unprepared. Who would have expected such a thing to happen? However, the two still trapped in the ice are unlikely to cause us problems.” Thor explained. “They are both female, and one seems to be a child.”

He didn't mention the ferocious queen Skadi, who ruled Jotunheim before Laufey took the throne, nor the fact that Loki was child-sized, for a Frost Giant. Heimdall had only given sparse details: Women, no armor, a child. He'd seemed somewhat perturbed by it, and the way he'd looked at Loki had Thor curious. Loki hadn't seemed to notice.

Eventually they agreed to inter the unnamed Frost Giant in a stone barrow on Ok, the site of the destroyed Okjokull glacier. It would be another trip across the country, but Thor was insistent that the giant have a proper place. He hadn't known about the glacier, but the humans seemed to think it would be fitting, and to Thor's surprise, Loki pulled himself into the moment enough to agree.

Another plan to make for an already busy future. It was a good thing that Thor hated to be bored.

With the Trolerkaerhalla representatives he discussed the rules of the upcoming Buridag festivities; what was allowed, what was not, with emphatic warnings not to accept any Asgardian drinks whatsoever.

“Please. Burying so many people before the holiday is already an ill omen, do not fill our time of creation with more funerals.”

They agreed, but Thor decided to have all medics at the ready anyway. Human curiosity was notorious, and it was too likely someone might filch a drink, or that an Asgardian might think it funny to offer one.

After the meeting, he pulled Loki aside.

“You're not here.” He said. “We're going to need you in these next few weeks. You need to be here.”

“I know, I know.” Loki said, but his eyes held that wild and mournful quality Thor had grown to recognize.

“Do you need a few days?”

“It's just..._____ hasn't spoken to me all day, and Buridag is rushing up, and now there's funerals we have to see to. And Frost Giants. There's Frost Giants now, and we're going to dig them out, aren't we? There's a child. Thor, what are we going to do with a Frost giant child?”

“I...I don't know. Raise her?”

Loki grabbed him by the cross straps of his tunic, all mournfulness gone from his features, leaving only the wild.

Thor froze for a second, then grasped Loki's bracers and carefully pried him off.

“Ah.” He said. “Not like that. The woman that's with her must be her mother, or her caretaker. We aren't going to separate them, but we will have to accommodate them somehow. An extra tall apartment, perhaps? Mittens?”

“You cannot joke about this!” Loki exclaimed.

“I'm not. Obviously, we cannot just set them loose on this world. The humans are still coming to terms with us, and we look so similar to them. These Jotnar would seem so different, that there would be no safe place for them to go. Loki...”

His brother had stepped away and was pacing in short bursts.

“Loki. Loki.” Thor reached out to stop his pacing, and drew him into an embrace. “Find your center. You are beginning to spiral. I know. I understand, I do. But this is a good opportunity, isn't it? We can do something to help. I know you must be thinking about it.”

“But what if I mess it up?” Loki whimpered. Thor was glad they were alone here; Loki would have likely killed anyone who heard him like this. “What if I do it all wrong, and she ends up like me?”

“The child?” Thor asked. “Well...she's not an infant, so she probably has some idea of who she is. The circumstances are different here, Loki. And who said it had to be you, alone?”

“No one. But I know it would end up that way. Who of Asgard would want to care for Frost Giants?”

“Even among the giant's most implacable enemies were those who recognized the innocence of a child.”

Loki threw off Thor's arms. “Don't you try to defend him now-!”

“I was talking about Mother.”

“Oh.” Loki grew calm again. “There will never be another like her. I'm the only choice. I'm the only one who's...like them.”

“They're people, Loki, just like the humans. You've discovered a fondness for at least a few of them!”

“Humans aren't ten feet tall and deadly to the touch.” Loki griped. “The woman will try to kill us. She will be too frightened and desperate not to. I do not wish to be involved with that.”

“Then use that silver tongue, and prevent a tragedy.”

Loki breathed in deeply; a familiar sound of annoyance. “Thor...”

“Oh! That reminds me, there is something you should look at.” Thor said, before Loki could unleash his tirade. “Come with me. We probably shouldn't discuss this here.”

He led Loki back to his quarters, half-finished murals showing the barest hints of movement.

He retrieved the soldier's ancient diary, and handed it over. “I haven't read it all the way through. I realized it wasn't for me. Not before you.”

Loki took the book with cautious curiosity and opened it at Thor's huge desk.

                                                                        *****

I have been scouting this world for some years now. Midgard is vast, that much is very true, but other notes from our records are either wrong, or outdated. The ice that was said to cover great stretches of the globe is simply not there. Perhaps it was once; there is evidence for it. But now, the snows are seasonal, the years short, compared to ours. Permanent ice is found in only a few places. The huge beasts written of in the records are gone. And worse; a small beast has spread far and wide, changing the landscape and hunting the few large animals that are left.

The have not proven hard to kill, but they are very tenacious, and can organize quickly in large numbers.

Perhaps our king would be amenable to a change in plans?

                                                                        *****

Oh, plans were changed, certainly, but I cannot wholeheartedly agree with their new course. Great Laufey has chosen the route of total eradication. There are so many of these Midgardians that I think it impossible to totally wipe them out.

But Great Laufey has completely committed. He has brought every warrior. He has brought the Queen, even though she is with child. He has even brought the Casket! To bring the very spirit of our world to an entirely different realm seems very dangerous. Though, if it works it will change this world into one like our own, only with more space and resources. We are desperately low on both. Even though I am apprehensive of Great Laufey's decisions, I understand.

                                                                         *****

The Princess-In-Waiting is here, along with her caretaker. They remain with the Queen, and attend to her needs. I too, am with the Queen. It seems Great Laufey has caught wind of my thoughts on this invasion, and is displeased with me. He has removed me from battle, and tied me to the women. Other civilians will be coming soon. But the Midgardians still remain.

                                                                      *****

Asgard has come. We should have known. Odin abandoned this place long ago, but the Midgardians still pray, and they have finally decided to answer.

This bodes very ill.

                                                                          *****

All omens point to failure. All tragedy has occurred. The Queen's child is wrong. He will not survive. The Queen is beside herself with grief; Great Laufey is mad with it. The Princess-In-Waiting mourns her lost husband, lost before his first breath. The armies are routed; Great Laufey cannot lead them. Not like this.

The Queen had withdrawn to Jotunheim, to perform the most tragic of duties. She will offer the infant back to the stars, that he might return someday, in a form that will be able to live and grow tall and strong. But child the size of a Midgardian spawn would never live through a Jotunheim winter, and the Queen is far too kind a soul to put him through the heinous suffering of trying.

                                                                            *****

Stars receive our lost prince, and treat him kindly. Send him back to save us, for Great Laufey has doomed us all. The armies are gone. Laufey is gone. Asgard has chased everyone back home. The Casket is gone; I can no longer feel its song in the ice.

We received word that the Queen has passed to the stars. May she return to us in safer times. The Princess-In-Waiting and her caretaker are here with me. We are abandoned. We are trapped here, on this warming world.

May the stars receive us.

                                                                            *****

Tears streamed down Loki's face, as he read on and on. Thor had both his meaty hands on his shoulders, a powerful support that was the only thing keeping Loki from crumpling into a little heap on the floor.

“They wanted me.” It came out as a strangled sob. “They planned for me. None of them ever knew what I was; they all died without knowing. Laufey lost that war because of me. They thought I would return to save them! I returned, all right, but...Norns, what have I done? Will I always leave people in mourning?”

Wherever you go, there is war, ruin, and death!

They wanted him. They had staked hopes on him, on what should have been the joyous occasion of his birth. They mourned him, he could see it in the raised lines of thick ink, how they wavered. A soldier who couldn't protect his people. A mother who hadn't named him. A little girl he was supposed to love.

He had betrayed them all.

“What if that's what the Norns have decreed for me? My very birth brought death. I was supposed to die.”

“No, no. Loki, a child is at fault for nothing. Laufey chose to wage his war like that, and he chose to fight Asgard when he didn't have to. If he hadn't started slaughtering humans, he might even have succeeded in colonizing this world. But he didn't chose peace. That is not your fault. Odin taking the Casket was not your fault. The lies they told us were not your fault. What can a baby do?”

Thor squeezed his shoulders.

“You should take some time. Go see if _____ is ready for lunch.”

Loki closed the book. “I'm not sure she wants to see me. She didn't talk to me at all this morning.”

“Well, you did yell at her.”

His shoulders sagged. “I know. I wanted to apologize.”

“Then go apologize!” Thor shoved him towards the door.

                                                                                                                                                                  *****

You didn't know what you had really expected from traditional Asgardian court dances, but that amount of leaping hadn't been it. Big, graceful ballroom dancing, sure, and there was some of that: so close to a waltz, but not quite. Line dances that were like something you imagined your medieval ancestors might have done. And just so much leaping. Even at leisure, it seemed Asgardians had to show off their athleticism. You didn't know if you would have the energy to keep up.

Especially after all of the elaborate ceremonies you would have to perform in.

Normal Burigag celebrations did consist of a lot of dancing, and co-ordinated chants of ancient decrees all the way from Allfather Buri's time. They were in a form of the Asgardian language that was archaic even to them, and you didn't understand a word of it. Saga had finally just written the words out phonetically for you to pronounce, even though you didn't really know what they meant. You would just have to memorize the sounds they made.  

As a royal Seidkona, you would have a special drum to play, and you were learning how to do that too. You would never be a professional drummer, but you could hold the beats they gave you. There were songs you had to sing, along with the other Seidkonas of Asgard, and a dance you would have to perform with them, and your drum.

And then there were the other things; the things that seemed very old, and very magical, and more than a little worrisome to you.

There was a Buridag sacrifice, of a live ox, and you were not excited about that. You wouldn't be allowed to leave while this was happening; it was Thor and Loki's responsibility to make this sacrifice, and you would have to attend Loki. People would be looking at you, watching your actions and reactions.

They would sacrifice that ox, and you would have to endure, and then it would be cooked for the gathered crowd, along with all the other dishes. There would be toasts, and you would have to drink them all, but you had been promised that special wine, instead of Asgardian drinks, so you would survive.

Then there was the thing you were most uncomfortable with. As part of your Seidkona initiation, you would have to 'mix blood' with the person you were sworn to, and in this case, due to the station you would be stepping into, that included both Thor and Loki. All three of you would be cut, bleed into a bowl, that bowl would be spilled onto the ground...and that would mean something. Something profound. It would make you something different than what you were now. It would make you somehow more real.

There was something frightening about it, deep down. It felt like something cavemen might have done, something primal. If there was magic in it, it was beyond ancient.

There was so much to keep track of, and you were just hurtling towards it. You had to count on Loki to keep you steady and help you navigate.

“Well, I think that's enough for now.” Saga said, and you sagged in exhaustion. “It looks like it must be lunchtime, and a greater force than I has come to collect you.”

You turned to see Loki peeking in the doorway. You couldn't help but notice that though he was dressed in official finery, and held a picnic basket on one arm, he looked distressed.

“Lunch?” He asked, raising the basket.

“Go get.” Lofn whispered.

You trotted out the door, proud of the things you had learned so far that day, but wondering what the troubles might be.

“You seem worried.” You said, out in the hall.

“Yes, I suppose I am.” He said. “These new developments have got me...”

“Stressed?” You suggested. He sighed.

“Courtyard?”

“Actually, I was thinking the Huldra Stone.”

“Sounds good.”

The huldra's stone was a landmark now, set in front of what was going to become the Asgardian House of Justice, the building that was going to be communally constructed during the Buridag festivities. It was meant as a reminder that justice required mercy, thoughtfulness, and compassion. It wasn't enough to merely punish transgressors; sometimes you needed to put in the effort of fixing what had been broken.

There was a little patch of green surrounding the stone, and Loki set out your lunch on it, as you placed your hand on the stone and asked permission. The flowers here had faded much earlier than they would have back home, and you knew Autumn was in full swing, but this bit of green persisted.

“So.” You said, sitting next to him. The air was a little brisk, so you pulled his cape around yourself, and he made no move to stop you. “Still shook up over the giant?”

“Naturally.” He said wearily. “This is a terrible thing to happen so close to such an important holiday. It's the symbolism of the whole thing. Our new beginning, stained with tragedy from a generation ago. It's as if the past reached out to stab in spite at our future. I do not want my past coming back here.”

That last part was said so quietly, you weren't sure you'd caught it, but he continued on.

“Seven funerals to conduct. One almost all the way across the island. I'm afraid I have to drag you out onto the road again.”

“I can handle that.” You said.

“It's almost winter.” He countered. “You weathered summer travel fairly well, but this will be a much longer trip, and over rougher terrain. We will not always be on a road. There will be camping.”

“Yeah, but didn't we want to do that anyway?”

“Not until spring! And certainly not with an entire entourage, and most certainly not for a Frost Giant's funeral!”

“Well, we've got to bury the poor guy. I mean, we can't just...leave him.”

“No. But I do worry for your safety in all this.”

You patted his knee. “I'll be okay. People live here year round, after all. We've figured out how to survive.”

He sighed again. “About the giant...”

“Yeah. I know. I mean, I understand. But you get that I couldn't really have done anything different, right?”

“Yes. As much as I might wish otherwise, you were put into a situation where you had no good options.” He grabbed a cookie and a pot of thick cream. Scooping some up, he handed it to you. “I should not have berated you so. I became too overbearing in my panic.”

You graciously accepted the creamed cookie for the peace offering that it was.

“And I get it. I know you weren't really mad at me, just freaked out by the whole situation. Don't make a habit of it though. I'm not really into getting chewed out like I was still a little kid.”

“No, of course not. However...” He took a bite of his own cookie. “There has been another development that has left me very stressed. We discovered this morning that there are two more.”

“Giants?” You asked. “Still in the ice?”

Loki nodded. “I'm afraid so.”

“Damn. Well. Are we just gonna leave them there?”

“You are not the first person to suggest that. But no. My brother has decided to dig them out.” Loki sighed again, a little dramatically, like Thor's decisions were mere antics that he had to clean up after. “Their bodies may be what's generating the ice down there, but Thor is convinced that this 'Climate Change' thing is putting their slumber at risk.”

“Oh.” You said. “Yeah, that's a thing. Geez, we never had to think about that before. Normally, the only things that thaw out of glaciers are like, woolly mammoths and stuff like that. Now we gotta wonder if we're gonna be thawing out ancient battalions of giant mega-soldiers.”

“Indeed. What's a 'woolly mammoth'? Nevermind, I shall look it up another time. It seems that these two are not likely to be soldiers, however. Both are female, and though that doesn't exactly count them out as warriors, the fact that one is a child makes it unlikely.”

“A child?” You asked in surprise. “Why would anyone bring a child to a war zone?”

“The war was merely the front of a colonizing effort. They intended to put down roots here. We know now how poorly that attempt went, but they were optimistic at the time. Or obstinate. There's evidence for both.”

This must be what had him so shaken up. Loki was very unambiguous in his dislike for Frost Giants, specifically. To have Asgard attacked by one, just when they were getting back on their feet must have been terrifying. To have two more waiting, two that he definitely could not attack out of hand without becoming a total monster, must be nerve wracking.

“What are we going to do?” You asked.

He leaned back against the Huldra Stone, perhaps contemplating justice or mercy.

“What else can we do? We are going to adopt them.”

[mentallydatingahotcelebrity]

I Couldn’t Think of A Title But This is a Rant About Ragnarok

I was trying not write write another long-winded spiel about Thor: Ragnarok. There are just SO MANY FLAWS with the film that I find it hard to touch on one specific subject without thinking about 3 other subtopics that relate to the discussion.

Buuuuuuuut. . .

I had to crack my knuckles and pull up my keyboard once more because I keep seeing people go on this “If only Ragnarok had gone such-and-suchly” route. And the way it should have gone, according to many, is still not how it should have gone (even if these ideas are better than how it did go).

First of all, when people say Ragnarok should’ve been “different” they usually shell out some form of this:

1. Thor learns Odin is a despicable asshole

2. Thor discovers Asgard’s terrible past in colonization and decimation of other nations and becomes ashamed of his realm

3. Thor unites with Loki to combat what’s wrong with Asgard’s political views, etc.

NO

NO NO NO

PLEASE, CAN WE CEASE WITH THIS COLONIZATION BUSINESS?!?!?!

I know it’s important--I’m not trying to say it isn’t--but for this film it is a FICTION created by an idiot who didn’t bother to invest time in the source material.

Thor already knew that Odin had conquered realms. That his grandfather had conquered realms. This isn’t news to him whatsoever. We LITERALLY got a prologue in the very first film featuring him and Odin and Loki discussing conquering. AND THEN ANOTHER in The Dark World.

Thor knew that bad things had happened, that all of Asgard wasn’t holy, pure, and good. That Odin was flawed. He REALIZED THIS at the end of his first film and in the middle of his second film.

OR HAVE YOU ALL FORGOTTEN THIS SCENE:

"If and when he [Malekith] comes, his men will fall on ten thousand Asgardian blades." "And how many of our men will fall on theirs?" "As many as are needed! We will fight! To the last Asgardian breath, to the last drop of Asgardian blood."

-- Odin and Thor, Thor: The Dark World

If you watch closely, (unfortunately I have no pictures) Thor stares at Odin with a look that is one of dismay and disappointment as his father walks away. In that moment Thor understands how much Odin is blinded by prejudices, and illusions of things that will not work anymore; that are archaic in their mode and frail in their means. As frail as the old man he suddenly understands his father has become. And then suddenly, Thor--faithful, dog-loyal Thor, who respected Odin so highly and sought in the first film to “make you proud, father”, understands that he can no longer make his father proud and do what he knows is the true right thing to do. It’s subtle, almost entirely beneath the surface-- Expressed through only a single facial movement and an air of disappointed shame which is quickly segued into the cutscenes of Thor following through on his own plan and recruiting Loki, who he now understands is right--at least about Odin’s failures as king.

THIS IS CINEMATIC POETRY AT ITS FINEST.

Thor goes to Odin to petition him to let him find a safe way to end Malekith’s plan, only to discover that Odin is narrow-minded, obtuse; refusing to alter his views or even really LISTEN to Thor. Thor is awakened to the realization that this isn’t what a good king does-- and I think that’s why he turns down the throne at the end when Loki-guised-as-Odin offers it to him.

Thor’s seen Odin for who he really is, what he became. He does not want to be that, so he goes off--Hoping to see more of the realms and to gain a better understanding of them.

“There are Nine Realms. The future king of Asgard must focus on more than one.”

-- Lady Sif

We don’t need some big moment (a waste of footage) where Thor confronts Odin about these errors. We don’t need Thor to say “We colonized and this is bad and I’m going to change it and be a better king” because that’s extra and doesn’t add to the character or the fictional sci/fi-fantasy universe he lives in. It’s literally just a waste and pandering to a bunch of ridiculous themes in our own universe that we really shouldn’t be impressing into Thor’s.

No, I’m going to mention something that in the hype of Ragnarok everyone seems to have misplaced:

THERE WAS A KING BEFORE ODIN.

HIS NAME WAS BOR

AND HE’S THE ONE WHO BUILT ASGARD.

I am so mentally exhausted with all of this “Odin built Asgard on the backs of slaves and brutally colonized scores of planets in the Nine! HE IS EVIL, EVIL! BAAAAAD!!!!!”

NO!

shhh ShhHHH SHHHH!

STOP IT.

It’s farcical lies. All of it. Just kill that ideology now.

Odin did not build Asgard. Like Thor, he inherited it. Premade. Already golden.

Because King Bor did all of that.

The only reason we’re thinking anything else is because we had a clown in a pineapple onesie fuck with the Order of Things and Not Pay Attention to Past Source Material. Taika literally ran over the fact that there was a monarch before Odin, that Odin isn’t creator of Asgard. Hell, did he even read the origin myths for Asgard!?!?!?

It goes:

Ymir the giant. From him came Buri, from Buri came Bor and from Bor came three sons: Odin, Vili, and Ve (in what birth order we know not).

King Bor built Asgard; built it up as the highest realm (highest as in = most glorious of them all), and THEN went out realm-conquering or whatever. Mostly he just stopped the giants from killing a lot of people and stopped other races from killing one another--however he also got into a fight with Vanaheim, which makes me think that Odin and Frigga were an alliance through marriage (given that Frigga is Vanir).

I really would like to know where the slaves came from, Taika. I really would.

Because:

Vanaheim was equal to Asgard (though the two realms did have a lot of quarrels, they never took one another as slaves, at least in the mythos).

Nornheim only has the 3 Norn sisters living in it protecting the Well of Urd.

Niffelheim is cold and dark and icy and barren; the realm before Helheim.

Helheim is the land of the dead and those who go there (usually) are never to return.

Jotunheim is the land of Frost Giants; and while Odin might have subdued them to keep them from destroying other realms like how the Allies stopped Hitler from destroying other countries), he certainly DIDN’T make them his slaves.

Muspelheim (as we saw) is full of fire-demons and Sutur to rule them.

Midgard was left entirely to its own devices after a few decades of visiting, we can plainly see. Not to mention that Asgardians seem to consider them “weak” and “puny” so they wouldn’t be used as slaves, since the composition of Asgardian matter is probably substantially different compared to Midgardian matter (especially given how Thor and Loki could just rip through Midgardian objects like paper in Avengers: Assemble).

Alfheim is the realm of the Light Elves and ain’t none of them gonna be taken as slaves. They practice M A G I C for crying out loud!

Svartalfheim is the only one that I could maybe probably see as being slave-material, but they got this insane idea to wipe out all of the light in all of the Realms so Bor Odin’s dad if you forgot had to destroy them.

Not for any reason to do with superiority, BUT BECAUSE THEY WERE TRYING TO DESTROY ALL THE REALMS!!!

If you notice a pattern here:

Someone tries to meddle in the affairs of the realms to a harmful extent. Asgard heaves a great heaping sigh and steps in, defeats the threat, and retires to their golden city.

NOWHERE IS THERE COLONIZATION AND INVASION.

The Dark Elves LITERALLY tried to make the light go away.

The Frost Giants LITERALLY tried to wipe out all of Midgard.

Bor (then Odin with the Jotuns) stepped in to protect other realms. Either realms that were weak or realms that simply weren’t aware of the problem (because why cause a panic when you can just deal with the problem? *looking at you, Dark Elves*).

To sum up:

I’ve done the research and nowhere do I see slaves.

Thanks, Taika.

I mean, yes, I’m sure there were slaves somewhere in the Nine Realms, I’m sure it happened. But I think that with all of these realms, with thousands of planets in each realm, and so many of them being “advanced” that the idea of slavery would be mentally slow to them. And of the few planets that were in that number that used slaves, Asgard would certainly not be counted.

Because why the actual solitary hell do we have to have every single fucking universe in fiction be slave-holding? God, that really makes Americans sound like butthurt assholes. I know it’s supposed to be some sort of allegorical symbolism and warnings to not let that stuff happen again and other epicness, but if they really wanted to do that

WE HAD BLOODY SAKAAR TO PUSH THAT MESSAGE.

THERE WAS EVEN AN EGOTISTICAL AMERICAN ACTOR PLAYING THE LEADER OF THAT PLANET.

AND TAIKA MISSED THIS.

Of course he couldn’t make Sakaar unique, no. (What, are you dull? The man has zero imagination!) Waititi had to go and poison Asgardian history with slavery and colonization yada, yada, yada *vomits*. Because he has no imagination and no idea how to write fantasy worlds. Which is clearly defined in his total lack of understanding and ability to embrace the fictional world of Thor.

Waititi couldn’t ever allow himself to really get a good grasp on the universe of Nine Realms, so he made it into a farce. He couldn’t put faith in fantasy so he destroyed it with a blowtorch and kitschy 70s/80s sets that were really garbage bins in disguise. Because he can find a foothold in bad comedy more readily than he can catch on to high-fantasy.

We already know that Asgard has problems. We didn’t need Taika to make that more obvious. It would’ve been nice that instead of saying “oh, heey, lookie, more problems than you thought initially!” he brought SOMETHING NEW to the scene.

Something with substance.

Colonization is nice and all, and a strong allegorical message, surely, but Asgard was doing just fine being bad without that idiotical and unnecessary leap. Thor was feeling like shit about Odin’s kingly choices In The Past without needing to “discover” what he already knew lmao this underworld side of the realm.

It was dramatic enough that Hela is really the first-born in line for the throne. We didn’t need any of that realm-conquering/executioner horseshit to fog up the fishtank.

In all honesty I would’ve loved to learn that Loki was Hela’s son with Laufey but was unsatisfactory so she tried to sacrifice him for more power over killing things but Odin came in, put a stop to the Power Couple of Death and Destruction and saved his grandson, thus giving more validation to the line “your birthright was to die!”

Anyway, I’m out. Most likely to go puke because I’m so very ill and then come back and cringe at this insanely plot-holey post.