#i think it'll also create a lot of fear about being pinned/held down/restrained

[qoldenskies]

Is the lamp incident more traumatic than the docks to Donnie?

i mean despite both incidents being violent i'd say they're too drastically different to properly compare, but i kind of started it by saying the ch11 is Up There, so im gonna go with a reluctant yes.

and i'd mostly say that because the whole thing in the hallway is up there is something insanely traumatic too, and he woke up from that resurfacing memory, immediately broke something, and in a daze believed they were going to HURT him for it. and then they started screaming and pounding on the door, and raph broke it down (there are several reasons that would absolutely terrify him to see), and they held him down as he was bleeding out and begging for them to stop. he actually remembers it pretty clearly. it was just as horrible for him as it was for everyone else.

the moment on the docks was very brief, enough for him to be able to get back up and continue to keep fighting. in the moment he was only shaken and winded, it only set in afterwards how close he was to death as he looked back on it. it was so big to him because it was the first time he really confronted this fear head-on (well, it was mentioned in CL that he had existential terror very young, he didn't handle it well when he realized he was mortal cause a lot of people have that moment when we're kids. but the docks makes him confront how that relates to crime-fighting and the perpetual danger they're in now. it made it all feel so real) it influences a lot of how he acts in CL because of his shame for being traumatized-- it's more about the realization of the danger he was in overall, and how fragile his life actually was, not a particular fear of the shredder or belief he was going to be hurt exactly like that again.

at least in the whole three day fight, he knew he had his brothers to lean on. it was terrifying but he knew he had people in his corner that could defend him when he couldn't defend himself-- even when he had passing doubts (bpd moment, theyre inevitable) it was easy to rationalize it away. but when it comes to almost everything that happens in cc? he was alone. and even if he wasnt, and they were trying to help, he barely processed it. and when everything with the lamp happened he only thought they were breaking down his door to kill him.