#i think with this there's only one more draft from august that i haven't cleaned up (yay!)

[umbry-fic]

kokoronashi

Summary: When had they gotten into the habit of lying to each other?

Chronic Angelus Crystallus Inofficium and its effects.

Fandom: Tales of Symphonia Characters: Colette Brunel, Original Daemon Character Relationships: Colette Brunel & Original Daemon Character Rating: G Word Count: 1806 Mirror Link: AO3 Original Post Date: 21/11/2023

Notes: Another entry in the Daemon AU! This is basically me going back through and writing about parts I didn't cover in the first fic. This one sent me down a rabbit hole about Daemons and illnesses...

Title from kokoronashi by Chouchou-p.

~~~

“Hey, Colette...”

It was the beginning of a question that should have been nothing more than innocent concern, posed by the minute Daemon perched on the edge of the bed, his tiny talons resting against its frame. Shattering the lazy silence of a drowsy morning, it froze Colette in her tracks, her fingers ghosting over the doorknob. Something lurking in his tone made her pause, and she was acutely aware that all of the other girls and their Daemons had left the inn room, leaving the two of them alone.

“What is it, Pan?” she replied, cocking her head as a smile slipped onto her face.

Her Daemon didn’t shift, beady black eyes fixed on her. Once, she would have known every emotion that touched his heart, for their echoes would have gripped her own, just as her own grief had often overwhelmed him. Now, however, the link that had once flowed freely between them like a river had been severed, replaced by a chasm that could no longer be crossed.

She could only attempt to read him as she would any other person, the thought making her heart tighten in her chest. It had always been Colette and Pan, Pan and Colette. They’d been privy to each other’s secrets, whispered under the cover of night, from the moment she’d been born, Pan curled up next to her and a Cruxis crystal in her hand. He was the very extension of her person, the other side of her soul, her heart - yet it would never be the same again.

“Is something wrong?”

His talons began to rap against the wood of the frame, tension gathering in his tiny form as he shifted to and fro.

“No.” The word tumbled from her lips with ease as she tucked a loose strand of hair behind her ear, hoping he wouldn’t notice the slight tremble in her fingers. It was a hope that wouldn’t be granted, she knew, he could read her as well as she could read him. “Why? Is everything alright?”

Through the tattered remnants of their bond, slivers of emotion filtered through, slipping through her fingers before she could identify them.

“It’s nothing,” he mumbled, turning away, right wing folded at an awkward angle. The conversation was over.

Slipping from the room, she suppressed a wince as the green scales that had been slowly creeping down her right arm bit into her skin. Heaving a sigh, her fingers curled around the necklace Lloyd had clasped around her neck some weeks ago. It winked in the sunlight filtering through the window set in the wall, and she wondered when it had become so difficult to speak the truth to her Daemon.

~~~

Pan could remember a time when Colette had been very sick, afflicted with a fever that had refused to break. They’d been twelve, and she’d been confined to bed for a whole two weeks, her breaths rattling in her chest. Grandmother and father had hovered over them the entire time, worry colouring their voices as they tended to the two of them, their Daemons scrambling to gather towels and buckets of water.

Back then, his form had still been shifting - a mouse for one second and a sparrow the next, looking for a place to settle. He’d slunk as close as was physically possible, curled into a ball atop her beating heart. While he had been spared the physical symptoms of her illness, a crushing lethargy had weighed him down, leaving his limbs heavy and unwilling to move. Not that he would have - her presence gave him comfort, and he was certain that staying close would grant her some form of relief.

Her skin had burned beneath his touch, and she had coughed weakly, blue eyes dull as she stroked his head with a tired hand. He’d described the scenery outside their window - a few children mucking around in the dirt, a woman hanging up laundry on clothing lines, a lone guardsman standing by the village gate. They’d be able to rejoin the world soon, he’d reassured her.

“I’m sorry,” she’d mumbled, the words slurring a little, her hair, drenched with sweat, sticking to her face and neck.

She’d pressed kisses to his head, still apologising, and he’d wrapped his tail around her wrist, nuzzling his cheek against her hand. A silent acknowledgement of her words, and a sign of his forgiveness.

There was no need to apologise.

It had not been her fault, to begin with, that they were confined here. Nothing had ever been her fault. And he would stay by her side forever, regardless of what was to come. He would face the trials that awaited without hesitation, for together they were braver.

Until the time came when they would both be hollowed out, he would protect her.

~~~

He’d suspected, for some time, that something was wrong. That Colette was hiding something, something to do with why he sometimes pitched to the side mid-flight, his entire wing going numb from pain. It hadn’t taken very long to learn how to hide these episodes, enduring them silently so Arielle wouldn’t pounce on him and demand to know what was hurting him.

Every attempt to extract the truth from Colette failed, for the words always got stuck in his throat. Unable to force them out, he could only silently watch as she lied to his face, something in his heart twisting painfully every time.

On the grass outside the Iselia ranch, stained red with blood that would be washed away with the next rain shower, he could only watch as she collapsed, flames of pure agony licking at every inch of him. The singed remnants of her sleeve did nothing to hide the scales that swallowed her skin, glittering under the sunlight as if to mock him.

Waves of rage swelled within him as he landed on her shoulder, snapping at Lloyd to send the signal. It must have been a pitiful sight - a bristling hummingbird, as if this weak, useless form could ever hope to achieve anything.

The emotion that flashed across Arielle’s face, akin to pity as she and Lloyd turned away, only made the waves crest higher.

There was so much anger that had nowhere to go, for it was directed at nobody but himself. He hadn’t been able to protect her before, unable to see beyond the veil of falsehoods that had been pulled over both their eyes. And he had once again failed to protect her.

He was nothing more than a coward, afraid to peer at the ugly truth.

~~~

Colette awakened with strangled gasps from a void of inky black, barely pulling free from the shadowy fingers that threatened to pull her back under. Blindly, she flung an arm around her, ignoring the pain that flared to life as she searched for the familiar softness of feathers.

“I’m here, I’m here!”

The other half of her beating heart pressed himself against her fingers, putting an end to her frantic motions. Stifling the sobs that had gathered in her chest, she stroked the top of Pan’s head, letting the rhythmic motion calm her racing heart.

She’d witnessed Pan fall to the floor of the Tower, grey and lifeless, in her final moments of lucidity before her soul had been locked away. She’d been afraid, afraid that when Lloyd brought her back like he’d promised he would, she’d be all alone. Just as she had been within the confines of the crystal.

In the daylight, her nightmares could not touch her. Their darkness dissipated with the steady thrum of life within her constant companion, still here by her side.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” he whispered. There was no accusation in his gaze, only a bone-deep weariness - the ashes of a frustrated anger that had burned itself out.

Gazing down at the ugly scales that had covered her flesh, she bit her lip, knowing there was no use covering it up any longer. And she was so very, very tired of lying to him. It hurt whenever she did it, like she was giving up a sliver of her soul.

“I’m sorry.” The words slipped from her trembling body as tears budded at the corner of her eyes. Letting Pan sit in her cupped hands, she cradled him close to her chest. “I just… didn’t want you to hate me.”

“I already told you I wouldn’t…”

He’d promised that he could never hate her on the day her soul had been restored. But that had been before - before her sins had returned to haunt her, before she’d realised that she had once again chained him to an early demise, before the web of lies she’d become so used to spinning had gone out of control.

“Because I failed.” The words she’d hidden for weeks upon weeks spilt from her. Who else could she confide in if not for Pan, her dearest heart? “This is my punishment for not regenerating the world, and I ended up dragging you into it again…”

There was a stark memory, of a forest clearing and a sobbing Pan, desperately pulling at their bond until it resembled a rubber band, ready to snap. She had shattered that sacred bond at the holy grounds of the final seal, its shards scattering against the floor and slicing into her skin when she’d tried to pick them up.

All she’d ever done, from the moment she’d been born, was hurt him. If he hadn’t had the misfortune of being born as her Daemon, then perhaps…

Softness brushed against her cheeks, wiping away her tears and pulling her from her spiralling thoughts. “Don’t apologise,” Pan mumbled as he tugged his wing away. “I was the one who failed to protect you.”

Those simple words made her world screech to a halt, and she stared dumbly at her Daemon, who glared defiantly back at her. Behind that rugged determination was a wellspring of guilt, clinging to his tiny form.

It was like staring into a mirror. And finally, understanding struck her.

Laughing shakily, she offered her arm for him to perch on. They’d both been such fools.

“Guess we both failed.” She smiled weakly, the familiar sensation of his talons slightly digging into her skin soothing her. “But from here on out, we can both protect each other.”

It was her promise, for there to be no more lies.

“Alright.” Pan yawned, shifting on her arm to get comfortable. It didn’t take long before he’d passed out. He must have been up for hours, attentively watching over her.

Gently, she pet him, her heart finally at ease.

Things would never be the same between them - but they could reforge their bond into something new.

So long as Pan remained by her side, she was certain they would be able to weather anything.

[fabdante]

20 Questions For Fic Writers

I was tagged by my dear friend @thevampireauthoress on this post ! I tag all the fic writers who follow me and see this because I want to see what you guys are up to!!

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

Five! I write every day but only started posting fan fic a year ago and I have more I'm cleaning up to post!

2. What's your total AO3 word count? 36,380

3. What fandoms do you write for?

A Lot. If post about it odds are I've written something about it in some form or another.

The ones I have public fics for are DmC: Devil May Cry and ATLA. I frequently write for World of Warcraft (mostly ocs) privately though and have been making my way back to TF2, Borderlands, and Bioshock works lately.

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

Since I have only five I can give the whole rundown asdfghj the Zutara fics are, unsurprisingly, the heavy hitters

An Inexact Science

Detours

Pinky Promise

Crossroads of Catharsis and Contemplation

A Series of Mild Prophesies

Also the stats chart cracks me up:

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

I try to! I get to most of them! Sometimes when a fic is older and someone just leaves a short little 'this was nice!' or whatever, I don't respond but other then that I do. I get very excited when anyone likes any of my works asdfghjkl

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Uh...probably Swan Song, which is yet to be posted. Swan Song will definitely probably have the solidly most angst filled ending.

7. What is the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Just limiting myself to what's already posted on AO3, anything in the Circumnavigators of Celestial Bodies series so far has had pretty happy endings. It's not tinged with the like dramatic irony of anything in Drafting A Swan and both fic's thus far in Circumnavigators end on fairly positive notes I think

8. Do you get hate on fics?

As of now, no

9. Do you write smut? If so what kind?

I have but I haven't published any of it yet and I'm not sure I will ever. My favorites to write are definitely monsterfucking related, followed by more general kink but like monsterfucking is the best to write.

10. Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written?

I am an avid lover of crossovers, particularly crazy crossovers. I feel like I have several contenders for the most crazy.

First up would be the massive multi fandom high school au my girlfriend and I developed containing like every video game we liked at the time which I still sometimes write because I find the character dynamics fascinating but I doubt, due to the highly niche nature of this crossover, that it'd ever see the light of day (if you ever wanted August Borderlands and Rachel Amber Life Is Strange to talk on the roof of a trailer in the trailer park they both live in though, I am the gal to ask I guess because boy do I have that and I will provide)

Second up would be in a similar vein but like somehow even less attached to any of the serial numbers qualifying it as fan fic. That one is set in a Bioshock AU where Rapture lasted until the 80s somehow under different leadership. It is also a massive multi fandom AU but this time with gang warfare under the sea in a very AU'd version of Rapture. Similarly, it will never see the light of day with the serial numbers attached because it is just so niche as it is that like...I have no idea who would want to read that asdfghjkl I rarely write it anymore despite loving a lot of the concepts and dynamics, and I feel like it'd just be more effective to just rip off the remaining serial numbers and let it be free if I ever wanted to publish it somewhere.

Third craziest is perhaps less crazy but just very weird. But I have an ongoing series of fics where Brigid Tenenbaum from Bioshock 1 and Booker Dewitt from Bioshock Infinite just sort of hang out in this space beyond time and space and just get very cerebral about their oddly parallel lives and similar traumas because a hill I will die on is that they are the parallels of one another between those games, not anyone else. They're very written 'For Fabdante' so they are not very polished and I call them 'Bioshock Void Fics'

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that I am aware of

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Not that I am aware of

13. Have you ever co-authored a fic?

When I was waaay younger yes! Those are really old and locked away on fanfiction.net though.

14. What is your all time favourite ship?

Vergil and Kat/Verat from DmC: Devil May Cry. They are my everything.

15. What is a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

I never want to say never because I do intend to finish these things but here's two:

I have this ATLA fan fic tentatively titled Avatar Champloo which isn't exactly a crossover, more just like an Avatar story featuring the Ba Sing Se kids (Jet, Zuko, and Jin) that plays homage to the vibes and general essence of Samurai Champloo, extrapolating on the already very heavy Samurai Champloo vibes of ATLA. Samurai Champloo is like one of my all time favorite shows so living up to it has been a tall order for me and I fear I will never finish this fic asdfghjk.

I have a few Zelda/Zelgan WIPs that I fear I will never finish. One being a very long one shot based off the idea of a Zelgan romance from the perspective of a bodyguard Link which I'm really fond of, but just have a lot of trouble editing. To give perspective, it was the first fic I ever considered publishing on AO3. And it's still not done to satisfaction for me and thus, not my first fic on AO3.

Obligatory Swan Song (my really long multichapter DmC: Devil May Cry, Verat based, prequel) mention. I don't doubt I'll finish it one day exactly, but when that day will be is far beyond my comprehension asdfghjk

16. What are your writing strengths?

Uh...ngl I have no idea lmaooooo I like how I handle small moments, I guess. Most of what I like to write is small moments between people, and I think I'm pretty ok at that. I'm good at rambling.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

Writing multichapter things, I feel. Because I like small moments too much, I struggle to keep things relevant I feel. The biggest issues with Swan Song, I think, are just there being a lot of useless scenes. I struggle a lot with knowing how long scenes should be in something thats more then a one shot and how to transition between those scenes effectively.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in fic?

I don't know any other language confidently enough to write it, so it's not something I ever do nor have an opinion on. I do write a lot of multilingual characters, and when I do I just tend to write the dialogue in italics then notate that the character is now speaking another language in the descriptor so that the reader knows what the italics mean.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Probably ATLA when I was a waaay younger. Writing Circumnavigators has been a return to my roots, I suppose, asdfghjk

20. Favourite fic you've written?

My favorite posted fic is definitely Crossroads of Catharsis and Contemplation. It's got everything for me and is exactly the type of thing I love to write the most.

Unposted? Depending on how it goes, I might have a runner up that is a preboot DMC fic which is a grunge band AU told through excerpts from a biography novel and the interviews within about said grunge band. Similarly, it has everything for me and is exactly the type of thing I love to write asdfghjkl

Thank you again for tagging me!! And once again, I mean it when I say please count yourself as tagged by me if you want to answer these because I really, really would love to see what you guys are writing!!