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#i tried texting him telling him i was approved for gbp surgery (i broke things off because i was very insecure about my body)
elenadoeslife
·
10 months
Text
your first love hits different
#another day another vent-in-the-tags post
#i came across a picture of me and my fiest boyfriend of five years today. picture must've been 10 years old at this point
#found many more pictures of him and us on my dad's old pc
#i can just feel my body pull and heart ache when i look at him in the pictures
#wondering what my life would've looked like if i hadn't broken things off between us
#we tried to stay friends and a couple of months later we went for a drink. when daying goodbye he moved in to kiss me
#i was hesitant and stepped away. he couldn't bare having me in his life while not being together so he cut off all contact
#don't get me wrong in any of my thoughts- i love babe whole heartedly and he's the only man for me now and in my future
#it's just that nagging feeling burried deep. the 'what if's. what if i felt more confident about my body back then?
#what if i hadn't moved on so quickly? what if i had let him kiss me?
#i tried texting him telling him i was approved for gbp surgery (i broke things off because i was very insecure about my body)
#he congratulated me and sincerely wished me all the happiness in the world but also asked me not to contact him again after this
#it's been 7-ish years but every now and then i wonder how he's doing and what he's up to
#he doesn't really have social media apart from facebook (and that page is private) and i only stayed in touch with his former best friend
#but i'm not gonna ask him because i know they haven't spoken in years either
#i've had plenty more relationships after him but i rarely ever think about those guys
#am i okay? is this normal? lol
#i should get my head out of this rabbit hole asap
#add: the picture is almost 15 years old lol. my math ain't mathing. we met in 2009. not that it's important
#i think i just moved on too quickly and didn't allow myself time & space to grieve. that's why he keeps popping up in my thoughts now & then
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