#i usually use the english translation for things but i refuse to call bananawanis banana gators

[acescorazon]

Title: Buggy's guide to bagging boyfriends

Chapter: 4/?

Rating: PG

Word Count: 2035

Chapter excerpt:

Buggy continues speaking after taking another moment to think of a reply, “It’s like this: I want to get on Crocodile’s good side and I believe that you and Galdino are the best people to help me do that.” He states plain and simple, “I really want to befriend your boss for the sake of Cross Guild, can you help me?” 

Daz gives him a rather puzzled look for a moment before his face quickly returns to its normal neutral state. “He likes Bananawanis.” What in god’s name is a Bananawani? Is that a cake or something…? He asks Daz what exactly a Bananawani is and when he elaborates…Buggy’s even more confused. 

|Ch1|Ch2|Ch3|

As soon as he can, Buggy gathers up a rather reluctant Daz and Galdino, as well as a few other men, and sets sail, heading towards the nearest town in search of gifts for Buggy’s future best friends. It’ll take them two days, maybe two and a half days to get to their destination, but that’s okay because it gives Buggy plenty of time to plan! Now that he’s alone with two people who probably know Crocodile the best, he wants to question them to get a feel of what kind of gift their beloved boss might possibly want, and maybe, just maybe, if he’s lucky, they’ll also know a thing or two about Mihawk. 

He starts with Daz first, and truth be told…Daz is kinda cool and intimidating in his own right, and Buggy wonders if maybe he could be friends with Daz too, but then again, Daz doesn’t seem to like anyone other than Crocodile. Whatever, he can worry about befriending Daz later. He loses track of him after they leave the docks, but quickly finds him in one of the ship’s cabins, keeping to himself like he usually does. Buggy knocks on the door first and once he receives permission to come into the room, he quietly enters, grinning sheepishly, “Hey, there…!” He says, greeting Daz. 

Daz nods his head, “Chairman Buggy.” He greets back, getting up and standing in front of Buggy, showing a certain level of respect that Buggy didn’t think that he would receive from one of Crocodile’s men… Then again, this is one of the few interactions that Buggy has had with someone who is more or less considered Crocodile’s right-hand man, so he didn't know what to expect before coming into his room. 

Keep it cool, Buggy, you wouldn’t want him to think you’re a dork or anything.

 

“Daz, I’m not sure if you know why I asked to have you come along on this journey with me or not…” Buggy states, slowly trying to pick out the right words to say in order to make himself look cool and not a loser desperate for friends because if there’s one thing Buggy’s not, it’s a loser desperate for friends… He’s just saying … Wouldn’t it be cool if he had two super c–

Now’s not the time for that. 

Daz looks rather uninterested in the conversation. He stares at Buggy blankly, but remains respectful, giving him his full attention… Perhaps this fellow’s face just naturally looks bored though. “I don’t. Boss said that he wanted me to accompany you on this trip, and that’s all I needed to know.” Ah, so loyal! Almost as loyal as Buggy’s own children! 

Buggy continues speaking after taking another moment to think of a reply, “It’s like this: I want to get on Crocodile’s good side and I believe that you and Galdino are the best people to help me do that.” He states plain and simple, “I really want to befriend your boss for the sake of Cross Guild, can you help me?” 

Daz gives him a rather puzzled look for a moment before his face quickly returns to its normal neutral state. “He likes Bananawanis.” What in god’s name is a Bananawani? Is that a cake or something…? He asks Daz what exactly a Bananawani is and when he elaborates…Buggy’s even more confused. 

It’s….It’s a giant crocodile…? 

Buggy doesn’t know where one would get a giant crocodile, he doesn’t think he’s ever seen a pet store with one of those for sale… They are pets…right? Or are they for eating…? Buggy is utterly confused at the moment, and he asks Daz for further explanation, to which he replies, “They’re pets.” Ah…

“Does he like anything else?” Buggy asks, “Nothing like money though because that’s too easy. I really want to impress him and make it seem like I got him a gift that came right from here.” He says, pointing to his heart. 

“No, just Bananawanis, they make very good guard dogs, and the boss likes to feed them and cuddle with them.” But… They’re crocodiles?!

Buggy stares at Daz for a long moment, unsure of how to reply, and Daz…Daz stares back at Buggy, showing that he’s dead serious about this whole Bananawani thing, not that Buggy thought he was joking around to begin with because he’s not exactly the type of person who tells jokes. “Ah, yes…Bananawanis…” Buggy nods, but he doesn’t know what else to say, “And…out of curiosity… where does one acquire such an animal?” he asks after giving the question some thought.

“The black market.”

Buggy should have expected an answer like that because it makes sense when you stop to think about it. A Bananawani doesn’t sound like something you would find on a farm or in a pet store… Buggy has bought a lot of things off the black market, but he’s not quite sure how he feels about buying a giant crocodile off it, or the idea of having one possibly roaming around Emptee Bluffs Island in general. “Boss said he wanted to get a few anyways, so maybe you could get him the first one.” A…A few? As in plural? As in, he wants to have more than one giant crocodile roaming around the island… That sounds… Horrific.

Okay, Bananawanis for Crocodile…But what about Mihawk?

Buggy proceeds to change the subject after that, asking if Daz has any clue what sort of gift Buggy should get for Hawkeye. Daz simply shakes his head in response, “I don’t know Hawkeye very well.” He states, quickly bringing that little conversation to an end. 

“Bananawanis…” Buggy mutters in a daze, “Ok, got it…Thanks, Daz.” He says as he heads out of the cabin. He’s a lot more confused now that he’s left than when he originally went in. He doesn’t think that he’s going to get Crocodile…well, a giant crocodile as a pet though because the whole idea sounds strange and terrifying at the same time. 

But, what is he going to get him?

Buggy’s going to consider his little talk with Daz a failure, or maybe it wasn’t, maybe he got good advice, but he just can’t use it. He looks around for Galdino next, who is relaxing in the kitchen of the ship, reading a magazine when Buggy enters. Now, Buggy’s always considered Galdino a friend, they’ve been through so much together, but as soon as Cross Guild was formed, Galdino made it known that those feelings weren’t mutual and that he only cared about his beloved boss, Crocodile, which is a shame because Buggy really thought they had a close bond with each other, especially after the war, but maybe he was wrong.

As soon as Galdino spots Buggy, he rolls his eyes in annoyance, and unlike Daz, Galdino doesn’t treat Buggy with even a little bit of respect. “I still don’t get why you insisted that I come on this dumb trip with you,” He says, sighing in frustration, “In fact, if it were up to me, I wouldn’t have even stepped foot on this ship, but the boss asked me for a favor, so what else could I do?” Poor, loyal Galdino, he must be miserable right now with the cruel and cold-hearted Buggy, it’s not like Buggy’s ever treated him like a friend or a member of the family, oh, no. This must be awful for him, look at him suffer while he sits around, lounging.

Buggy has a seat at the kitchen table with him, and sighs as well, “Look, I wanted you to come on this trip with me because I want to get closer to Crocodile, and I need your help doing that.” 

“And why would I help you?”

“I’ll say you helped me pick his gift out, and you’ll be on good terms with Crocodile too.”

“Deal.”

Damn, it didn’t take much to convince him, did it? Buggy thinks as he watches Galdino drum his fingers against the kitchen table, seemingly lost in thought. A moment later he gasps softly, “You could get him a new suit, and, oh, wouldn’t it be lovely if you could get your hands on the imported cigars he smokes?!” Okay, now this sounds like a better lead than the whole Bananawani thing, but honestly, it feels kind of boring and predictable, doesn’t it? He’s sure that Crocodile has plenty of suits, and as for cigars, he doesn’t seem to have a shortage of them either. In fact, Buggy’s pretty sure that Crocodile just had some shipped to the island not too long ago. “ I even know his measurements!” Galdino proudly proclaims, “So, if you want to buy him a suit, we can do just that!” Why does he have that information at his disposal? Has he bought Crocodile a suit before or…? 

Buggy gives the idea some consideration, but it doesn’t seem good enough. He doesn’t think those things will get him on Crocodile’s good side, but he’s still not sure what will right now. He’ll just have to think of something else later. “Okay, any suggestions for a gift for Mihawk?” Buggy asks a moment later, Daz might not know anything about Mihawk, but maybe Galdino does.

 

Galdino takes another long moment to think about Buggy’s question. He gasps and then looks like he’s about to say something, but then shakes his head before going back to thinking about the question again. Jeez, Hawkeye really is a hard guy to buy for, isn’t he? “Oh!” Galdino exclaims excitedly, “Oh, I know. Hawkeye likes to garden.” He does? “So I suggest getting him a beautiful plant, one that’s just as bold and striking as Sir Hawkeye is!” Sir Hawkeye…???

Buggy narrows his eyes at Galdino, unsure if what Galdino is telling him is the truth or if it’s gossip or a joke. He isn’t buying into the idea that the world’s strongest swordsman is into plants, he’s way too cool for something like flowers and stuff. “How do you know he likes to garden?” Buggy asks, suspicious now. 

“You haven’t seen his garden on the island?” Galdino asks with a scoff, “Everyone knows about it.” Uh, no… Buggy hasn’t seen Mihawk’s garden, he doesn’t even know where you would put one on Emptee Bluffs Island or if it’s even the right place to grow things…Regardless though, Buggy puts on an act, scoffing right back at Galdino, “Of course, I know about his garden, who do you think helped him plant all his flowers?”

“He grows vegetables.” 

“Same shit. Anyways, my point is, how do you know he would even want another plant to take care of?”

Galdino once again scoffs at Buggy, like Buggy is a fool who knows absolutely nothing! Which is true, but how dare he call Buggy out on his ignorance! He’s the chairman of Cross Guild, and if… if Buggy wanted to, he could have Galdino punished for his disrespect…he won’t, for reasons, but just know he could. “Obviously Sir Hawkeye gardens as a means to relax, and I often see him roaming around the island, looking at all the plants with great interest. So, I think he would love a new plant.”

  All Buggy’s getting from this is Galdino is nosey as shit.

Buggy really doesn’t want to get Mihawk a plant. That sounds so lame, who gives people plants as gifts?! Buggy is the future king of the pirates and if word got out that he was so boring and cheap, he’d never live it down. “Are there any other suggestions you might have?” Buggy asks with a small groan, he really doesn’t want to have to get Mihawk a damn plant. 

Galdino frowns, seemingly displeased that Buggy didn’t take his earlier suggestion seriously. “I mean, you could always give him another sword.” Giving the world’s strongest swordsmen a sword? That’s probably the first thing everyone thinks of when it comes to giving Mihawk gifts. Soooo lame. Buggy doesn’t want to be like other people, he wants to be different. “Anything else??” he asks, hoping that a plant and a sword aren’t the best options Buggy’s got.

“Perhaps a book? He does seem like a bit of a bookworm.”

Ugh. Borinngggggg.