#i wanna hold his big huge head between my palms and floof up his hair

[bigshotspambot]

hello! My small 5'3 self would like to cuddle the big sneo! Is that okay?? I can leave if not-

YES. He’ll bring you right up to his head so you can reach THE GOODS …💖

(Also if it makes you feel better ur still taller than me LOL)

[rustbolt-answers-your-bullshit]

Act 3, Chapter 5: Electric Boogaloo

“Hello, Sportacus!~” EB smiled and patted the new hero’s shoulder.

The pole vaulter zombie was still caught a bit off guard by the fact that he was now a hero. He smiled. “Uh, thanks. So you’re Electric Boogaloo, right?”

EB spun on his heel and struck a pose. “That be me~” He smiled.

“My name The Smash. Good to meet you, new hero.” Smash held out his large hand.

“Wow, I didn’t expect a luchador to have such a thick russian accent,” said Sportacus.

“Most do not.”

Sportacus stared at Smash’s huge palm, and then smiled and shook it.

“Good grip,” commented Smash.

Sportacus grinned.

“...For thin zombie like you.”

Sportacus burst out laughing. “I like you.”

“Smash like you too, Sportus.” Smash patted Sportacus’ head and noogied him with his thumb.

Sportacus chuckled. “So what DID happen to Rustbolt?”

Now the thing is, EB and Smash had come and greeted him as the last few zombies were leaving. So it was just the three of them, pretty much. “...You really wanna know?” Whispered EB.

“Yes I do, Floof.”

“Okay, we-- Did you just call me floof?”

Sportacus nodded. “Sorry, Electric Boogaloo…”

“I kinda like it.” EB smiled. “I’m kinda surprised nobody’s called me that before.”

“So, what happened to him, Floof?”

EB looked at the hero. Sure, he seemed nice… But he’s Rustbolt’s REPLACEMENT… But it’s not his fault… So, taking in a deep breath, and then holding it for a sec, EB sighed. “Rustbolt got some plant-related powers and now he’s living with the plant heroes.”

“How come nobody else told me?”

Smash and EB looked at each other. If they spilled the beans, Sportacus could take said beans to Brainstorm or Zomboss. Those beans are NOT cool beans. “It is because only us know,” Smash said softly.

Sportacus’ eyes widened. “Did you guys almost leave WITH him?”

EB shook his head. “No. We visited him.”

“Also we gave him plant powers,” Smash mumbled.

Sportacus gasped.

“Smash!” EB scolded. “For real!?”

“I trust him, he is nice.” Smash shrugged.

Sighing, EB nodded. “Yeah. He wanted powers so we shot him with the handheld hero-tron. The one that made YOU a hero. But he had coffee grounds in his hands and ZAP! Plant powers.”

“I thought it was tea,” Smash commented.

“Yeah. What’d I say, coffee? God I’m stupid. I’m just a bit stressed from the meeting. I don’t want any harm to come to my best friend…”

Sportacus hugged EB. “Cheer up, Floof. It’s really cool getting to talk to you guys and, well… Talking in general. It’s great being able to say something besides ‘brains’ all the time. But I don’t think I’m fit for all this…”

Smash poked the other two. “I have idea. Is good one. Want to hear?”

“What’s your idea?” Asked EB.

“We get Rustbolt… To train Sportacus. That way we dont end up having another Rustbolt replacement, and Zomboss will leave us alone.”

“Which gives us the perfect environment to figure out where to go from there,” said Sportacus.

Smash smiled. “Already he is like Rustbolt. Very smart.”

EB was about to say something when his phone rang. It was Zomboss.

“Electric Boogaloo! I require your services immediately,” said the big-brained boss.

“‘Sup, Dr. Zomboss?”

“You and Super Brainz are to look after Impfinity.”

“Got it.”

Zomboss hung up, and EB pocketed his phone. “Guys, I gotta go babysit Impfinity with--”

“The one and only!~” Super Brainz landed onto the stage where the others stood.

EB chuckled. He was always a bit fond of Super Brainz. Back in the days, them and Smash were the CREW. They went on ALL the missions. They were inseparable. “Gimme a sec, ok?” Super Brainz nodded and flew in the air, kinda hovering high above them.

“So what’s up?” Asked Sportacus.

“The main focus is finding out what else Zomboss has planned.” Sportacus and Smash nodded.

Suddenly, Super Brainz flew down. “Zomboss said to tell you that Sportacus is going to be living in Rustbolt’s house.”

EB, Smash and Sportacus nodded.

“Now let’s go!” Super brainz picked up EB and flew off. EB waved to Smash and Sportacus, and they waved back.

“I’m gonna miss Rustbolt,” said Super Brainz.

EB looked at him. “...Me too.”

“But hey, what’re you gonna do, right?” SB shrugged. “Oh, also. I got a bunch of disco albums for us to listen to.” Floof smiled. Him and Super Brainz, even if they hadn’t talked much anymore, always had each other in mind. “So we’re almost there.”

“Impfinity isn’t TOO crazy, right?” Asked EB.

“Nah, he’s just jumpy. He doesn’t clone himself TOO much, and when he does it’s usually to do something like stack on top of them to reach the cookie jar or something.”

EB chuckled. “That’s pretty IMPressive.”

Super Brainz let out a guffaw, clutching his stomach with both hands. Therefore dropping EB.

“Why am I always getting dropped in the air!?” Screamed EB. “It’s not even scary anymore, it’s just redundant!”

Super Brainz flew down and picked up the dancing hero. “There.”

“I’m just glad we’re not babysitting Z-Mech,” said EB.

“Why not?”

“He’s kind of a copycat,” EB started. “Like, he’s not that original. Half of his decks are either sports decks or dancing decks. Those are my thing. And Rustbolt’s thing.”

Super Brainz nodded. “Well, SPORTACUS’s thing now, I guess. Also you gotta remember, Dancing decks, he has Bonus Track Buckethead.”

EB frowned. “I want him in my arsenal.”

“Who knows? Maybe some magic disco dancer can conjure up one for you,” Super Brainz said sarcastically.

“Conjure. Now that’s a word you don’t hear everyday.”

Super Brainz smirked that pervy-looking smirk of his. “I learned that word yesterday.”

“Been waiting to use it, haven’t you.”

“You know me so well~” Super Brainz said in a heavily exxhagerated girly voice. The two started laughing. Just like they used to. “Hey, remember that Grass Knuckles mission?”

“Oh god, with the two trenches next to the pier? Don’t freaking remind me.”

Super Brainz laughed.

“That took us SO LONG.”

~FLASHBACK~

Super Brainz, EB and Smash are gathered around each other.

“He’s got too much bullseye bullshit,” growled Super Brainz.

Smash nodded. “We need locust swarm and rolling stone.”

EB looked at Smash. “Definately the locusts, but we also need to be able to damage nim directly.”

“You both are crazy!” Shouted SB. “We need to use deadly to get rid of those damn armored plants. We need strikethrough to hit him directly. We also nooe to bonus attack the shit out of him.”

“Or we can just flood him with glass cannons!” Yelled Floof.

“No! We need a weed spray!” Roared Smash.

The three kept on arguing. For a long time. Until finally Smash roared. EB and SB both shut up after that.

“We need Frenzy,” said Smash. “That way we can hit him. Super Brainz, you have no healing, so you are bad idea for this.”

“Wait, that’s it!” EB snapped his fingers. “Everyone make a list of what you LACK.”

Smash and Super Brainz were a bit confused, but nonetheless they did as EB said.

After a few minutes they read out their lists. EB started. “I don’t have bonus attacks, strikethrough, bouncing, deadly, armored or bullseye.”

“I don’t have direct damage, bullseye, bonus attack, deadly, bouncing or strikethrough,” said Smash.

Super Brainz went last. “I don’t have frenzy, armored, healing, destroying, decent buffs, debuffs, or direct damage.”

“What’s VERY important for this mission?” Asked EB.

“Healing, so that we can last longer,” said Smash.

“Deadly, because then his buffs go to waste.” Said Super Brainz.

“Frenzy,so deal with sting beans,” countered Smash.

Super Brainz narrowed his eyes. “Bonus attacks, to level the playing field.”

“Locusts to deal with big plants.”

“That’s what deadly’s for. Also Gravestones are immune to bonus attacks.”

“I can use weed spray,” said Smash.

SB laughed. “Bouncing undoes any buffs he gave them. Meaning WEED SPRAY is only good early game.”

“Guys!” Shouted EB. “Calm down. I think Super Brainz is the one we need.”

And Super Brainz, with the help of EB and Smash, made an imp-based strategy that absolutely obliterated Grass Knuckles. It took them a week altogether to beat that final fight.

~UNFLASHBACK~

“Well, here we are.” Super Brainz flew down into the carnival. There, standing by the circus tent, was Impfinity, snacking on brain cupcakes.

“Hi Soup Brain!~” Said Impfinity.

“Impfinity, I’m here with EB.”

Impfinity stared at EB’s afro. “Look at all that floof!” Shouted Impfinity. “SO MUCH FLOOF!”

Super Brainz snickered. “I’m like, 95% sure that he’s only got like five hairs on his head, they’re just like 40 feet long.”

“My hair is NOT 40 feet!”

“Sure as hell SMELLS like 40 feet.” SB pointed to his bootless foot. Impfinity just busted out lauhging.

EB pouted. “That’s not cool, bro.”

“Sorry,” said the superhero. “I got…. CARRIED AWAY.”

EB laughed so hard he started tearing up. “You crack me up~”

Super Brainz smirked. “So are we gonna watch the little rascal?”

“Yep. So, Impfinity, what do you wanna do?” EB crouched, tooking down at the small imp.

“I want to play chickenfight!” He shouted.

“But there’s only three of us.”

Impfinity, with the craziest smile on his face, pressed the button on his belly. “Not anymore!” 5 Impfinities stacked on each other’s shoulders, and were about twice as tall as EB, not including hair.

“Who’s bottom?” asked Super Brainz. “I’m stronger, but you’re taller.”

“Stronger? Don’t underestimate my back and shoulders, buddy.”

EB, now curious, flew up onto EB, and EB carried the buff hero with ease.

The Impfinities were laughing hysterically. “Yay!”

And then the fight was on. EB had no problem on the bottom, except for the fact that Super Brainz was full-on left and right hooking the clones. Every time he swung his fist, he put all his weight into that punch. Which made it hard for EB to balance. And every time that Super Brainz would punch a clone off, another would spawn in its place.

“This is fun!” The clones laughed and giggled. EB smiled as he and Super Brainz fought the impfinite clones.

“That was exhausting,” said Super Brainz between pants.

EB had the biggest grin on his face. “It was fun.” He watched Super Brainz take off, then started walking to his nightclub. Suddenly, his phone rang. It was Brainstorm. Picking it up, EB casually asked “Hello?” He hoped that Sportacus hadn’t spilled the beans to Brainstorm.

“Electric Boogaloo, it’s Professor Brainstorm. We haven’t hung out in a while, I was wondering if you wanted to do something later.”

Well that’s not suspicious at all. “Uh, sure. What did you have in mind?”

“Well, there’s this pink comet I’ve been keeping an eye on for a while and--”

“You’ve noticed that too?”

“Yes. It’s quite peculiar. I plan to observe it more tonight. I was wondering if you wanted to accompany me.”

EB sighed in relief. “Yeah, sure. Sounds fun.”

“Excellent. Meet me at Zombie U just after sundown.” Brainstorm hung up.

EB pocketed his phone and looked up. The sun was already done setting.

Brainstorm had basically said, in a really calm way,

GET OVER HERE. NOW.

EB gulped. This might be about stars.

Or it might be about something of much greater importance.

EB ran all the way to Zombie U. There on the roof stood the second smartest zombie of all time. “Hello, Boogaloo,” said Brainstorm without looking down at Boog.

The disco dancer bit his lip. “How’s it going, Brainstorm?”

“It’s going great,” said EB. He was lying of course, but Brainstorm didn’t seem to notice.

“Come join me,” he said.

EB climbed up to the roof and looked at the stars. There, sure enough, was that pink dot. “It’s not headed for us, is it?...”

Brainstorm shook his head. “Not at all. That would make it a meteor. It’s Comet Z, as I have started to call it.”

EB shrugged. “Comet Z sounds cool.”

Brainstorm looked into the telescope. “I wanted to ask you something.”

EB’s eyes widened. “Sup?”

“What are you up to?”

EB started panicking. “W-what do you mean? I’m not up to anything, Brainstorm.”

Brainstorm shrugged. “Wanted to know if you had plans later in the week.”

A weight was lifted from his aching shoulders.

“But now you’re acting nervous. Is there something you’re not telling me?”

“Well there’s alot of stuff I don’t tell you,” EB quickly responded. A little TOO quick.

Brainstorm turned and glanced at EB. “You seem on edge. Look, if you don’t wanna tell me something, don’t tell me it. We all hide things from each other.”

EB let out a sigh of relief. “So anyways, um.”

“Well are you free this week?”

EB nodded. But since Brainstorm was looking through the telescope, he said “Yep. I’m free, as far as I know.”

“Excellent. Can I count on your arrival to Zombie U tomorrow evening as well?”

“Sounds good. I’m also gonna be helping train Sportacus, by the way. But that’ll be in the daytime.”

“Sounds good to me,” said Brainstorm. “Good chat.”

“Wait was that all? I came over here so that you could ask me to come over AGAIN tomorrow?”

“I only realized the redundancy once you arrived,” replied the professor. “I hope to see you tomorrow, EB. You should get some sleep.”

EB, keeping eyes on the professor, climbed down the building and slowly backed away. Once he was far enough, he turned and bolted for his house.

Brainstorm, watching Comet Z, flinched slightly when his phone rang. He pressed a button, and a hologram of Zomboss appeared. “Hello, Dr. Zomboss.”

“Good evening, Brainstorm,” said Zomboss. “I have something I’d like to discuss with you.”

“What would that be, sir?”

“The laser. The one that Rustbolt blew up. I want you to remake it.”

Brainstorm looked up and furrowed his brow. His moustache twitched. “I can have it done in six days, sir.”

“Make it five.”

Brainstorm nodded, and the hologram fizzled out. He put down the small device and continued to observe the comet. “Oh, the kind of things that could be on that comet. It looks like it’s made primarily of solid rock, instead of a granular substance or ice. How peculiar. It seems to be about the size of a two-story house.That is, if I’m looking at it correctly. That glow is so intense, It took all my sun filters to be able to properly observe it. How odd.”

“Brainz!” Shouted a browncoat.

“What is it?” Asked the professor.

“Brainz.”

“Really?”

“Brainz.”

“Fine.” Brainstorm sighed and teleported down to the ground. He walked inside to see a mass of wires and two oval frames. “How is it not working?”

“Brainz.”

“I thought I put new couplings in.”

“Brainz.”

“After one test? Really?”

“Brainz.” He pointed to the oval on the left. “Brainz.”

“I said I would work on that. Also you’re forgetting that the cables are weighing it down. We can’t get accurate numbers yet.”

“Brainz?”

“Yes, we’re gonna put the transmitter on.”

“Brainz.”

“That all?”

He nodded.

“Good.” Brainstorm left the room and headed to his office. He rifled through a few papers and found the diagrams and blueprints for the zombification laser. “Two projects, two deadlines.”

EB was walking home when it started to thunder. Clouds rolled in, and lightning jumped from one cloud to the next. EB chuckled. Lightning struck down in front of EB, temporarily blinding him. He flinched, blinking the white lines out of his eyes. “I’m ELECTRIC BOOGALOO. THIS IS MY DOMAIN.” He jumped in the air, and pointed to the sky with both hands. Lightning came down and entered his fingers. When he landed, he jumped again and shot it back into the air. He watched the rain fall down and shocked it with his finger. It bounced from one droplet to the other, finally arcing down and going into the earth.

He walked home, zapping the rain and puddles as he went. He could never do this with Rustbolt. Rustbolt hated rain, even when his suit wasn’t on. Admittedly that was rare, but still.

When EB reached home, he walked in to see hoards of dancing zombies. He closed the door, walked to the center of the stage, and danced the night away.