#i wanted to reply to you yesterday but i got so fucking high i wouldve just screamed and cried at you for 5 hours

[ronkeyroo]

YOUR ART TRADEMARK!!!!!! Okay okay I GOT this family.

There are several things that make me go "that's ronni's art 👁👁" and let's start with your expressions??? Oh my god????? You have SUCH a talent for portraying expressions and your art always looks and feels so animated and ALIVE and it makes me so happy every time I see it. Secondly, your linework!!! It's so bold and noticeable and I feel this is a reflection of your personality because it just works so well with how expressive your work is and I feel that YOU are bold and noticeable. Actually your art is just one lovely reflection of your personality. Also the tones?? You set tones SO well through your work and it always leaves me in awe because I can take one look at ANY of your pieces, even original works or works for fandoms I'm not familiar with and know exactly which mood you were aiming for. You nail it every goddamn time and it's genuinely so impressive. Your composition and use of color (and even lack thereof in your greyscale pieces) are something to be admired and you genuinely make everything look so natural, it's unreal. There's a definite confidence in your art and you should absolutely own that shit because it's STUNNING every time.

I could go on forever about how much I adore your art but I'll stop here before this turns into a 10 page essay in MLA format 😂 Needless to say, I love it and you are so frickin talented it kills me and I'm so happy you started sharing it on tumblr!!

💛 from @vilkas

KEELLL WHAT THE FCUK YOURE NOT ALLOWED TO LITERALLY MAKE MY EYES TEAR HEART SOAR CHEEKS BLUSH WITH THIS MASSIVE CASCADE OF TENDERNESS AND COMPLIMENTS HGHGN HGHGNFD ;; 🥺😭💖

Ever since i've read this ive been so overwhelmed....so positively overwhelmed you have no idea?????? ;;;__;;;; you've made me so fond of my own art for a moment there that it bloomed SUCH a MASSIVE glow over me for an entire day!! AND STILL Im sitting here GRINNING AT YOU!!!!!! LOVINGLY!!!!!!!

By ismir I didn't expect to open my silly dms and be greeted like this....bud holy fuck, thank you so so much ;;;; it means so much to me that you've took the time to write to me with so much love and detail im literally shook,, ;_;) My art has always been so important for me...Through my entire life its been the one thing about me i truly loved and cherish and wherever my spirit/imagination carries me - im glad I can express it through like this! I know it may sound a bit silly but i truly feel as though i exist through and thanks to my art. So to hear you say how much my style reflects that, with all the emotions/personality you see in it has hit the mark so close to home ;_;) Thank you for appreciating me, for seeing me through my art, for paying attention to all of the intricate details and techniques i put out and for the hype you continuously pump onto me!!!!! I’m still so new to the skyrim fandom but i couldnt be happier to have joined it...

Like holy shit, I only started playing Skyrim recently, its been less than a year, I barely knew anything about the companions and after finally stumbling over and falling inlove with the wolf twins they’ve sprouted such an incredible flush of joy and comfort into my life...For the majority of it i’ve been lurking in the shadows, enjoying the fan-content that made me fall inlove with them even harder before starting my own shenanigans and fuck, it unlocked so much for me ;;;;; From finally getting to support my favorite content creators to sharing the hype, then meeting awesome people and wonderful friends as well as finally getting to share my own creations and stories! AHGH just- .... ..I’m happy im here, and my arts certainly here to stay too!!! ;;;;;

Youre an absolute marvel kel and I cant wait to see what else the two of us as content creators can come up with!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Lets aBSOLUTELY SLAYYYY YO!!!!!! ELVEN AWESOMENESS ENSUES  💖💖💖

[worldprincessp2]

omg im so sorry if youre on mobile. this is so long but i wanted to let my feelings out and yeah. sorry sorry sorry ignore if you want but also read too cuz i need comfort if u wanna give any

this entire past week has been....super...destructing and a blow to my own self esteem...

so i moved in to my college dorm sunday. seemed okay. i thought itd be more cheerful and id have people introduce themselves to me but apparently not so...but i didnt mind. my roommate didnt arrive till 9 almost and by then i felt really alone like wow. theres no one here. no family. no friends. nothing.

then the next day i went out and it was nice. i explored campuses...rode busses...stuff like that. it seemed like it would be a good start. i went back to my room and felt content with everything. i thought i had a good schedule. i thought i had everything planned out correctly. i thought my money’s worth (a lot of money too) would be going to something good and beneficial not only for me but for my career.

and then the next day happened.

i had my first psych class. it was neuropsychology. professor seemed like a bitch cuz she judged me based on me being a new transfer student who also came from a community college! awesome. so i immediately felt like shit plus i had to stay in the same auditorium (which i HATED) and i waited for my psychological themes in film class to start. i thought it’d be nice. i didn’t expect it to be set in an auditorium, more like reserved classroom with a projector, along with a professor who wore a microphone and talked to us like she was selling something.

and more and more people filled the room and sat down and people sat with their friends and socialized with each other. and because i’m really fucking brand new i knew nobody. i was Alone. the definition of alone. and then my anxiety spiked up and the tiny bouts of depression began settling in. oh yeah. this reminds me of something.

(senior year of high school - the year my depression peaked.)

class started and i began to feel tears in my eyes. i kept looking at another university i had applied to and looked at their major checklist and felt...what i was doing was stupid. how is this going to help me in the long run? sure it’s fun but is fun even worth it if you want money. or enough money to become stable?

class ended and i left the auditorium and saw so many people talking and going about their way. i went on the bus. went home. wanted to burst out crying but didn’t cause that’s embarrassing. and i ran to my room and cried. i literally just cried. i was in panic mode because maybe this wasn’t what i wanted. i had tried it and seen a taste of what was to come and i hated it.

i sent so many texts to my friends and so many of them have said it’s just your first day, give it time, you have no idea what life will be like. and maybe they’re right. but i can’t even imagine wasting that much money on something i’m not comfortable in spending on. and if i wanted to go back home after this semester, it would’ve been for what...nothing. i felt so stupid and hopeless. 

i emailed the other university and they replied back to me - and even called me - and said i could come back and get started as soon as possible. i said okay, let me talk to several people here first - like a general advisor and a psychology advisor. well the general advising sucked. i wanted to tell them i had issues and was thinking of going back home and all this other shit i’m dealing with but no, i enter the office and i ask to see an advisor and the lady just raised her eyebrows and said nothing, and i repeated my question and she just motioned to her nametag which said director like excuse fucking me for not seeing that, i’m literally in a crisis mode. fuck you and your nonexistent eyebrows. 

so she looked at my schedule and said it was basically shitty. so i mean. i’m confuzzled. she was like pick a minor. i said i don’t know what minor to be in. she said it doesn’t matter. i said it kind of has to relate to your major right? she said no not really. i said okay then what do you recommend. she said well. sociology and public health? well fuck man. this wouldve been so much better if i had done this earlier, like, maybe, A WEEK AGO? oh but no, this university has so many fucking students that it can’t even properly register you for classes cuz theres not enough deans in the world. also spring semester transfers? don’t be one. youll be screwed.

so i was like i’ll do this tomorrow or later today. i also emailed my psychology advisor. he was no help. i even talked to him the day i registered and i should’ve known by then but i wanted to keep an open mind. i really wanted to believe that this was good for me. i asked him what courses is better for me and he generally said well, no one’s had trouble with what is on your schedule. OMG. OF COURSE. BECAUSE THEY’RE USED TO THE 4-YEAR UNIVERSITY/COLLEGE DIFFICULTY LEVEL. I’M NOT. HELP ME.

and i left it at that. i told him i maybe wanted to be a therapist and he said well this class sounds good. oh yeah. just this ONE class. thanks.

at that point i really...didn’t feel anything anymore. i went to my students in transition class and felt like hey, this should be good huh, because these people are just like me!!!!

turns out i was wrong...most of them commute. most of them already know one another. the instructor herself dragged the class and how worthwhile it is. she was like trust me, if i were you, i wouldnt wanna take this class either but it’s mandatory so. nice. we had icebreaker questions and at that point i thought it’d be okay. turns out i was wrong again. it felt weird and even more awkward than the beginning of class. this girl i interviewed looked friendly but do you ever get that feeling like someone just finds you unappealing and generally unpleasant? yeah i got that vibe from her. we didn’t even make small talk. she like refused. i even tried to be outgoing like “is anyone here psych majors? :)” and i got no response. she turned around once we were finished interviewing each other and talked to her friend. i was just sitting there, alone, staring at my paper cuz. well. 

i left and i didn’t even feel good from that moment. i thought that class would help but no. it only made me feel more alienated. so i went to my next class in a campus thats so far away and stayed in the building it was in for an hour and researched on my other university in mind and felt relieved they had what i wanted. you might be thinking well michelle you should’ve done this sooner. GIRL I KNOW. BUT THEY DIDNT EVEN HAVE WHAT I WANTED DURING THE SPRING WHEN I VISITED THEIR CAMPUS. IT JUST RECENTLY GOT ADDED.

so at that point i was at a crossroads. i could leave if i wanted to and go home. or stay and tough it out, deal with things, and there we go. look i’m not an extrovert. i’m extremely shy and quiet when things are brand new. it’s because of my anxiety. i can’t help it. it’s just hard. no one can really relate to what i’m going through because they either go to uni as a freshman and meet other scared people or they have friends in most of their classes. or they don’t have to deal with that anxiety because their classroom is small and it’s easier to be more open. i know i do so well in that setting. it’s what i loved community college.

i also know my depression/anxiety can flare up and hinder my abilities to do well in school. it’s happened once before. it can happen again. i can’t afford to let it happen again. so i won’t...i’m coming back home soon and am in the process of withdrawing. i wanted to give this school more time. i was so excited in leaving home and to be honest, i’m not homesick. that’s not the issue. the issue is being confident my money is going to something that’s beneficial for my education and my happiness. and all i’ve been feeling here is fear. nervousness. unhappiness. worry. being away from home is not the issue. it is about making sure i’m making a SMART decision. and i know i’m not.

then my cousin messaged me yesterday and called me immediately after i told her i’m leaving this uni and she was just super sad and wanted me to think about it before i make a solid decision. i said it’s not for me. she said you don’t know that yet. i said i kind of know, i have a gut feeling, and usually that feeling is right. she said well maybe try it for a week. i said i can’t afford to do that. my money won’t get refunded. she said well i want you to be happy. i said i don’t even know if what i want to do will make me happy. she said that’s the most important thing though. i said money will also make me happy too. she said it’s not always about the money. i said maybe it is. that’s what gives me most stress. i’m not lucky to have a full-ride somewhere. i don’t have that advantage.

so i slept and i felt weird today waking up. a part of me, though it’s small, wants to see where this leads. and then a bigger part of me thinks this wouldn’t be right. i am not confident and no one should go forward with shaky feet. 

my cousin called me this morning after i told her that. she passed me to her boyfriend and he said you shouldn’t leave. you should stay. i cried cuz there’s validity in that. but i just cannot afford it. the money aspect is huge to me. it should be huge to anyone. it is not a light subject. and i told him that. he said that’s true. and my cousin knew what my dreams are cuz i told her yesterday i would love to do something creative with my life. and she said do it! don’t do something that would make you unhappy.

so...she told me that again today. and her boyfriend was so nice and even said you can come up here and live with us and you can go to school here. it’s exactly what you want. it was a lot to take in.

all i know is i can’t stay where i’m currently at right now. it’s taken a toll on me and i’m even surprised i’m not breaking out with pimples and shit. all i know is i’m not homesick. i don’t particularly miss anyone. i’m fine living alone. it’s what i prefer to be honest. but that shouldn’t be the reason i’m spending my money. cuz it’s a lot. i think if i stay home, stay in my routine, where it’s less of a big shock, and i’m familiar with where i’m going then all is good. right now i just can’t handle that shock. i can’t let it affect my grades. i can’t. and i’ll find ways to get internships or whatever because it’s about looking for it and not having things handed to you...

ANYWAY. i feel so much guilt over what i’ve put my parents through. i know my mom is mad at me but she won’t let it show. my dad wants me to be happy. my sister too. and i appreciate that. it still won’t take the guilt away. my roommate has been so great...she doesn’t get where i’m coming from but she understands if i do leave. she wants me to stay though. i just can’t. :/

i wanted to let this all out on my blog so here ya go. maybe you found this interesting. or maybe u think i’m dumb. lol i don’t really care. i just needed to know if this would be a good match. and now that i’m here it’s not. so. there’s that. shit happens. thanks for reading and if you wanna give me words of comfort please do cuzzzzzz i needs it

ok..........bye yall