#i was already so ready to not follow indycar this year and now i am sat with my sketchy stream link prepared ready for race 1

[ilottthepilot]

wait so on the off track podcast alexander rossi said that who fills in for david in st. pete is between callum and whoever does the sebring test. now it sounds like pato will test for both cars at sebring. so does that mean...👀

[yuki-tsunodas]

The Player's Tribune: I will never forget the tears I shed that day

Article published 25 March 2021, originally written by Yuki Tsunoda in Japanese.

I translated the article with help from Google Translate and Naver Translator + my own interpretations of their rubbish translating, so apologies in advance for any mistakes! Anything I had trouble translating will be bolded with a (?) next to it!!

　I think that was the last time I cried in frustration, in regret.

　Four years ago, I was only 16 years old and was a student at Suzuka Circuit Racing School. It was the final selection to join Honda's Driver Development Program. If I pass, I can run in Japanese F4 the following year, but if I failed...I was thinking of quitting racing at that time.

　Now, I'm standing at the entrance of the stage called F1. Looking back, that was the turning point of my life.

　Of course, I didn't know if I would pass that year's trial because there were not only those who had already run in F4 but also some drivers who had come back from overseas.

　However, I've been racing in karts since I was four years old, and I've been doing well. That year, I was the youngest ever podium finisher in my debut race in the Japanese F4 championship, which allowed me to participate in the spot (?) race, and won the Super FJ Japan's first championship. At the selection test, there were good results until the final round of selection, and I was in a position to compete for first and second place overall. So I thought I could afford to make a big mistake in the final selection, and I was confident that I would still be in the top two in the end.

　I am a strong driver. But if you can't get results here or if you can't fascinate the judges with your running, it's already known (?). So I was prepared to give up my racing career if it didn't work. I think there were many other routes to go, such as running in other training programs or non-formal races, but I don't like it when it's not the direction I want to go. I decided to live a different life rather than to do it half-heartedly.

　However, the worst result awaited. At that time, I was very weak mentally and, of all things, it showed in the final round. Even before the race, I found myself tense and stiff. My fingertips were also stiff. I was not my usual self. I started like that, but suddenly I was flying...I had to drive through the pitlane and then rejoin the course. I felt like I was running alone, far away from the previous group. I felt sorry for myself, and I didn't even feel like running anymore. As a result, the points in that race were almost zero, and Tsunoda lost in the final round.

　I was so frustrated that tears welled up naturally on the train home. It was the first time since I started racing in earnest. I was the youngest among the participants, but I was shocked because I was confident that I wouldn't lose, and I couldn't imagine anything even if I tried to think about the future. I still remember clearly that I was so depressed that I didn't even want to see my parents on my way home from the Shinkansen.

　But there was only one faint hope. That was what the then Honda F4 coach said in an interview after the screening.

　"As a training driver for Honda, you will not be able to participate in the race next year, since the Formula 4 Honda has four cars. Maybe I can put you in one of the remaining two cars running as Suzuka Racing School."

　That was because former Formula One driver Satoru Nakajima recommended me. Mr. Nakajima was the principal of the school at that time, and at the time of the final selection, he was watching us run in the final chicane.

　I was given a penalty at the start, and I was racing without emotion, but I was running hard so that I wouldn't regret it. Through the visor, I saw Satoshi Nakajima standing in the final corner. I didn't want to show Mr. Nakajima a careless run. It was a hopeless ranking, but I thought I should not give up until the end and keep running toward the group in front of me. Then the road opened.

　In 2017, Suzuka Racing decided to enter me into F4 instead of making me a training driver. Then, I suddenly ranked 3rd overall in the annual overall ranking, and the following year in 2018, I was selected as a Honda Formula Dream Project driver, and was able to become the champion.

　It's all because I was frustrated at that final selection.

　The most unusual thing is that I think it's mental. Until I had a setback, I had a feeling that I would do well until the end without doing anything. I knew I wasn't good at starting even though I failed in the previous round, and I had time to practice before that, but I didn't. There was something sweet about overconfidence. And at that time, I was afraid of making mistakes, so I didn't know how to grow up.

　After failing the selection, I realized that I was still not perfect and that I had to be faster. I realized that it is important to make a lot of mistakes without fear of making mistakes, and to make new discoveries and grow from there. Therefore, I didn't feel impatient when I didn't get points as I wanted in the early part of the F3 and F2 seasons last year after I went abroad. Rather, there was no hesitation in the process of making a lot of mistakes first and learning a lot from them.

　Takuma Sato, a former Formula One driver, now driving in Indycar, is famous for saying, "No attack, no chance," but I think that's exactly right. If you don't try beyond the limits of any sport, you won't find the future, and if you don't try, you'll stop there. Therefore, even if there are times when I make mistakes or get no results, I don't feel strangely distressed. Even if you make a mistake, it's up to you to take it. Mistakes make me want to investigate the cause. If you think that you can overcome it, you can be faster than if you regret the mistake, and you can always face it positively.

　Now that I can race in F1, I feel grateful to my parents. I've liked to move since I was a child, and I played swimming, soccer, mountain biking, and also, not sports, but piano. Now that I think about it, I feel that my father and mother were letting me do what I was interested in. And the reason why I started driving karts was also influenced by my father. My father liked motorsports and played gym carna himself. One day, at the circuit venue I was taken to, I was allowed to drive a real cart. That was the first time. Actually, I also experienced a pocket bike at that time, but after trying two, I said, "The kart is more fun." I don't really remember at all (lol).

　But there were times I got sick of karts...

　For example, when I was about seven years old. When I was playing a game while waiting at the track, my father told me to "focus more on the race," and my game was taken away, and I felt like, "I don't like it anymore." Then my father became getting tougher and tougher on me to improve me, and he scolded me for many things. To be honest, I didn't really appreciate my father until I was 15, and there was a time when I hated him. 'This is "The Rebellion Period".' I think I was in the middle of it.

　Not only my father but also my mother was strict in terms of academic matters. I was always told to study in case I didn't succeed in motorsports. My junior high school was not a public school (?), so after the race, I would go home on the day, get ready for school, go to school, study, and take the test. To be honest, it was hard and I never liked it, but I continued to study anyway.

　At that time, I couldn't thank my parents, but now I have the opposite feelings. I think I am what I am now thanks to their harshness, scolding, and teaching me a lot of things back then. Thank you so much.

　I didn't expect to be able to get to F1 this quickly. Not only are there few Japanese drivers, but they are also those taking the shorter route compared to foreign drivers.

　When I first went to see F1 at Fuji Speedway at the age of seven, Lewis Hamilton and Fernando Alonso were running. At that time, I wasn't longing for it, but I thought "I wanted to race with drivers like this someday", and those feelings are still the same. Hamilton is already a legend, and it's an honor to run with him, but when I get on the circuit, both Hamilton and Alonso are just drivers. Think of them as enemies.

　It's the same for Max Verstappen, who I think is the fastest and strongest opponent in Formula One, and Pierre Gasly, who's my teammate in Alpha Tauri. I want to know as soon as possible how well I can handle Verstappen and how well I can compete. Gasly was active in Japan's top-category, Super Formula, when I was running in Japanese F4, and I hope I can learn a lot of things from him, but I think he's also my biggest rival that I have to beat someday because we're in the same machine.

　'In the world of F1, "speed" is ultimately required.' No matter how fast you say you are, if you show off your speed, you can make an impact, and if you have speed, you can get back in front in the second half even if you were overtaken or separated from the pack in the beginning of the race. However, it is actually the most difficult to show "speed" in a situation like this. My biggest strength is speed, so in addition to that, I want to learn more of what I lack.

　Come to think of it, at an online conference held this off-season, my goal came out big like, "I'll be a Formula One champion more than seven times, the most ever tied," but that's not what I meant.

　I haven't done a single race in Formula One yet, so I can't say that (bitter smile).

　What I'm thinking about right now is to give the best performance I have in the first race, and to get as many points as possible throughout the season. Just like F2, even if you go up to F1, you will make a lot of mistakes from the beginning to the middle of the season, but I want to learn a lot by making new discoveries there. After saying such a thing at the press conference, there was a question like, "What is Tsunoda's ambition?" So I replied, "Maybe I'll win the championship seven times like Lewis Hamilton?" which became a big headline.To be exact, I really want to concentrate on everything in front of me now, and I hope that my ambition will come true as a result of that accumulated effort.

　What kind of scene will I see in the future? I want to improve my ability and become a race driver representing the F1 world, and I think it will be a different pressure and motivation, so the expectations of the fans may be even higher.

　That's why I want to never forget how I felt when I drove in Formula One for the first time in 2021. I want to cherish the current feelings of a rookie and continue to make mistakes to my heart's content, learn a lot from them, and enjoy them.

　I don't think I'll shed tears like I did four years ago in the final selection. I will never forget the tears I shed that day. But if I were to cry from now on, what kind of tears would I have...?

　I think it's realistic to say when I first win the championship. It's very difficult to get to Formula One, but it's going to be a tough road ahead. It's really hard to win, so if I'm going to shed tears, it's probably not "regretful tears" but "happy tears".

[basicshadowhuntersstuff]

This roundup covers May 19 - June 2, 2019. Shadowhunters news, updates, sneak peeks, and behind the scenes. All the stuff you need to stay up to date.

Official Promotion

3B Bloopers: Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5

We've got more behind the scenes shenanigans coming your way soon. #ShadowFam be on the lookout. #Shadowhunters (feat. the cast dancing on set in 3x21)

The ultimate #Shadowhunters name chain quiz

How could you not smile wearing those glasses? Isaiah Mustafa behind the scenes of #Shadowhunters.

Shadowhunters in the News

TV Fanatic (article): 17 Quickie Weddings Done in the Name of Love

Pure Fandom (article): ‘Shadowhunters’: Why it must be saved

Film Daily (article): Save Shadowhunters: What we learned from Upfronts ’19

TV Guide (video): Shadowhunters Cast Bloopers | Farewell to Shadowhunters 

The Series Regulars (podcast/interview): ‘Shadowhunters’ Exclusive Interview: Josh Horvath

TV Insider (article/interview): Emeraude Toubia Talks Moving on From 'Shadowhunters' in Hallmark's 'Love in the Sun'

Pride (article): 13 Geeky AF LGBT Shows You Can Stream Right Now

Spoiler TV (article): Performers Of The Month - Readers' Choice Most Outstanding Performer of April - Matthew Daddario

I Am Nova Magazine (interview): Meet Juliann Wilding: Onset Costume Supervisor, Girl Boss & Elegant Hardcore Nova (costumer designer on Shadowhunters)

Film Daily (article): #Malec: How a queer storyline became the battle cry for the Shadowfam

Tv Fanatic (article): 17 Swoon-Worthy Scenes from the 2018-2019 TV Season

Vanity Fair (article): Shadowhunters Bosses Tease What Season 4 Might Have Been

Tell-Tale TV (article): The 2019 Tell-Tale TV Awards: Results! One Day at a Time, SEAL Team, Killing Eve, Shadowhunters, and Queer Eye Among Winners

Carter Matt (article): Bring It Back 2019 results: Shadowhunters is this year’s big winner!

Social Media/Twitter

Ariana Williams (Madzie) tweeted a 3x22 behind the scenes photo of herself and Sophia Walker (Catarina Loss), a 3x22 behind the scenes photo of herself and Dom (Jace),  a video clip of the dance scene in 3x22, a blooper video clip of herself with Matt (Alec), 3x22 behind the scenes photos of herself with Harry (Magnus) and Dom (Jace). [2] [3]

Alisha Wainwright (Maia Roberts) tweeted a photo of her People’s Choice Award for The Show of 2018.

Stefanie Terzo (stylist) shared a behind the scenes video from 3x18 along with some fun facts about demon ichor on her instagram stories

Brian Hui (make-up artist) tweeted a 3x22 behind the scenes photo of Harry (Magnus), Nicola Correia-Damude (Maryse Lightwood), Sydney Meyer (Helen Blackthorn), and Jacky Lai (Aline Penhallow)

Kat (Clary) tweeted a photo of herself with Dom (Jace) and Alberto (Simon) hanging out in cowboy hats and Amazing, angels! Three wins for @ShadowhuntersTV! You are definitely the BEST fam-dom ever!

Nicola Correia-Damude (Maryse Lightwood) shared a 3x22 behind the scenes photo of herself with Kat (Clary) on instagram.

Luke Baines (Jonathan Morgenstern) shared behind the scenes photos of himself with Alberto (Simon), Kat (Clary), Chai Hansen (Jordan Kyle), Kimberly-Sue Murray (Seelie Queen), Dom (Jace), and Tessa Mossey (Heidi McKenzie) on instagram. [1]

Luke Baines (Jonathan Morgenstern) tweeted: Literally the first take of this day. Was so nervous already and this made it sooooo much worse in response to a video clip from the 3B blooper reel.

Isaiah Mustafa (Luke Garroway) shared a throwback photo of himself with the cast at SDCC 2017 on his instagram.

Matthew Daddario at the Indy 500

Matt (Alec) tweeted Hi! Ever watched the #indy500? Check it out today because it's amazing.  300,000 spectators at the @IMS! 33 cars travelling 230mph (370km/h) over 500 miles! One winner! Party! Fun! Other surprises I do and don't know about! Watch it today!

Matt (Alec) tweeted Congrats to all the drivers and their teams at the #indy500 this weekend! Incredible finish this year. Had an awesome time starting the race with the legend @MarioAndretti in the two seater thanks to the people at @Honda. I'll be back next year! #hondapartner and shared photos of himself in an F1 race car and on the track. [4]

Indianapolis Motor Speedway tweeted While @IndyCar drivers aren’t on track today, that doesn’t mean we don’t have cars on track @MatthewDaddario is getting ready to take a two-seater ride around @IMS! and shared a photo of Matt (Alec) suiting up and Thank you for being here, and we hope we delivered on your glowing endorsement! #ThisIsMay | #Indy500

13 WTHR (article): Red Carpet celebs announced for 2019 Indy 500

CBS4 Indy tweeted Matthew Daddario, aka Alec Lightwood from #Shadowhunters, is walking the red carpet before attending his first #Indy500! and shared a photo of Matt (Alec) doing an interview

FOX59 News tweeted Fun fact: Matthew Daddario is a #Hoosier! He graduated from #IU in 2010 before pursuing an acting career. #FOX59at500 and shared a photo of him at the track. 

Big Rick in the Morning tweeted: IU grad @MatthewDaddario is doing some big things on screen! #Indy500

Laura Steele tweeted: On the Red Carpet with actor @MatthewDaddario who is an @IUBloomington alum & took to the track in a 2 seater with @MarioAndretti ~ thanks for chatting with @WISH_TV Matt! and shared a photo of Matt (Alec), Our #Indy500 Red Carpet @WISH_TV Squad! Shadowhunters star & Indiana University grad @MatthewDaddario @coltonhoward_  @AbigailWhitake1 @KatieWiselyTV and shared a photo of Matt , and Matt Damon was not the only Matt at the Indy 500 ~ Turns out our most popular photos & interview during our Red Carpet coverage on @WISH_TV was with @MatthewDaddario from @ShadowhuntersTV - he’s got some kinda #ShadowHunters following & could not have been nicer! IU grad too!

Chris Lowry tweeted Legend #Indy500 and tweeted a pic of Matt (Alec) walking with Mario Andretti

Indy Star (article): 2019 Indy 500 red carpet: Celebrities' first car and their best memories in it

Indy Star (photos): Celebrities on the red carpet at the Indy 500 2019  

Zimbio (photo): Mario Andretti and Matthew Daddario

Cara Hoffar tweeted I was fortunate to spend two days with @MatthewDaddario and his wife. Such incredibly nice, humble and genuine people! We hope to see you back at @IMS!

Shumdario News shared a short video of Matt’s (Alec) introduction at the Indy 500, photos of Matt and Esther on the track in their photo gallery, a live interview with Matt from FOX59, a live interview with Matt with Big Rick in the Morning, and a live interview with Matt from WTHR 13.

Other News

Emeraude (Isabelle) talked about a sneak peek for her new Hallmark Channel movie ‘Love in the Sun’.

Emeraude (Isabelle) tweeted about the premiere of her Hallmark Channel movie ‘Love in the Sun’

Jade Hassoune (Meliorn) announced the release date for his new single, ‘Insta Story’

[gobigorgohome2016]

Can You Have Too Much Fire?

In high school I had this awesome shirt that was meant to represent your zodiac element.  The shirt was red, spelled out “fire,” and listed all the traits of a fire sign:  passionate, larger than life personality, enthusiastic, quick temper, over achiever, direct, stubborn, attention seeking, etc.  For 16 year old me, IT WAS LIKE SOMEONE PUT MY ENTIRE LIFE ON A T-SHIRT. Mind blown.  

My favorite quote as a high school runner was, “if the fire is hot enough, it will burn anything.”  Later, I became really annoyed when I heard this quote used more often to describe metabolism, but to me, it meant that if you want something badly enough, you can make it happen on sheer willpower alone. [as a Speedway resident, I can no longer say willpower without thinking about the IndyCar driver, Will Power.  Sigh.]

As I’ve figured out since high school, my best trait is also, by far, my worst.  If there is anything I have learned these past couple weeks of 2018 is that if I was lacking fire in the fall, I have more than made up for that deficit now.  

When I sat down in December to look at the year ahead, there were some changes that I wanted to make. I love New Year’s resolutions.  I also love rules (ironic, yes?).  I’ve always been jealous of people who stick to things that make the planning side of their lives easier.  My friend does “Meatball Monday,” “Wok Wednesday,” “Soup Sunday,” etc.  How fun is that?  So, my resolutions have been thinly veiled by similar rules:

Makeup Monday (don’t let makeup go to waste, so use an item in my makeup drawer that gets the least amount of love)

Timer Tuesday: Instant Pot day.  The Instant Pot is an amazing  - yet slightly intimidating – machine.  Every Tuesday I make a different recipe from the cookbook that was included with the IP so that I can better learn how to use it.

Wakeup Wednesday:  I run with a friend on Wednesday mornings which means I get up at 5:30 AM.  We haven’t run together in FOREVER ( ☹ ) but I really like the routine so I wake up at 5:30 or 6:00 on Wednesdays, get my run out of the way, and then nap.  

Tulsi Thursday:  Tulsi tea is great for recovery, and I usually do my last hard workout of the week on Thursdays.  Tusli Thursday is just a reminder to be more mindful in my recovery.

Refresh Friday:  I hate being wasteful, especially with food, so on Fridays I use the oldest ingredients in my refrigerator / pantry.

Self-Care Saturday: self-explanatory

Seafood Sunday:  also self-explanatory (and cheating.  Dave and I have done seafood on Sunday for years).

Okay, what does this have to do with fire?  Not much. Other than to point out that I am a rule following fanatic at times.  

My other focus for the new year was running.  I know that I am not fit right now, and I want to do everything in my power to achieve my goals in May.  The number one thing I have been lacking since April is consistency, which hasn’t exactly been in my control.  As I was looking over the upcoming months, I made notes of how many miles I would like hit each week, how that would stack up against previous years, etc.

Fatal Error.

Two and a half weeks ago, I was out for a long run (18 miles, longest in quite a few months) and my hamstring tightened up towards the end, probably due to the ice and snow. Whatever, not a big deal.  Well, it turned out to be a decent-sized deal that left me cross training (so glad I found a trainer recently, and have Netflix again!).  Last week I only ran a total of 22 miles and had to cross train the rest of what was supposed to be a 75 mile week.  

My first instinct was panic. In fact, my coach received a ton of panicky texts from me.  I’m FINALLY getting my mileage back to where I want, and something dumb happens.  My second instinct was anger.  Why is my body failing me???? (It turns out I wasn’t alone.  Rebecca ran 10 of those miles with me and had the exact same hamstring trouble, so I felt better that my body wasn’t simply rejecting running).  

A month or two ago I wrote a post about all the things that people assumed about me when I was taking time off post-anemia, and how they wrong.  No, I wasn’t mad that I couldn’t run.  No, I wasn’t struggling not to run, etc.  Well, all of that bit me in the ass this week.  I was cranky, rage-y, and jealous of everyone out running.  I was crosstraining like crazy (something I rarely do).  I was irrationally mad at every person who posted a PR at the many fast races that happened over the weekend.  I drove myself crazy.

On the one hand, the return of this fire is such a good sign.  I’m ready to compete again.   I have the motivation to once more push my body to its limits before giving it a short reprieve and asking it to heal all the damage sustained during the winter and spring and perform its very best on race day.

But, that fire is a double edged sword.  Fire also menas a return of  my overly competitiveness, and making a conscious effort every day to remind myself to calm the fuck down.  

I was reading an interesting/terrifying article a few months back about psychopathic children. Psychopathic traits are genetic, and part of the reason they have not been removed from the gene pool via natural selection is that they can be good in small doses.  For instance, a surgeon needs to be cold and unfeeling when performing surgery.  Sometimes, however, a kid doesn’t win the genetic lottery and winds up more Jeffrey Dahmer than Doogie Howser (fun fact #37 of this post, my house in Milwaukee was only a couple blocks from where Jeffrey Dahmer committed his crimes).  

I often wonder if my innate fire is half psychopathic.  I forget sometimes that not everyone quits their career path to follow big dreams that have no guaranteed payout and 100% chance of pain, both emotional and physical.  It’s not even a question 48 weeks out of the year whether I want to have another beer or go to bed; whether I want to run every day or procrastinate until the end of eternity; whether or not I will eat my kale; whether or not I will train hard for a goal I want to accomplish years from now.  The fact that I have zero real obligations everyday and still train full time is nothing short of a miracle.  I have never been able to focus on anything the way that I have been able to focus on running.  

So, that usually means I need to come up with creative ways to redirect the flames.  Sometimes that means journaling my frustrations or writing in my blog.  Sometimes it means coming face to face with how out of shape I am and focusing the fire towards making better choices.  Sometimes when I’m trying to take a nap I stew over the things I have not yet accomplished, the things that I thought I would have achieved by now.  In this moment I think to myself, “yes.  There is such thing as too much fire.”  But, then I remind myself (usually in list form) that there are things I can control, and things I cannot.  If there is anything I have learned, it is that perseverance trumps just about everything else in running.  

I’ve already fallen off the consistency measure that I was hoping for in January with my low mileage week last week and cautious build this week.  I’m forcing myself to embrace flexibility, which means I’m becoming well acquainted with my bike in the basement.  My hamstring is feeling good again and I’m feeling a little bit silly that a couple days off had me plotting the changes I would have to make to my racing season.  I’ve relegated myself to the treadmill just to make sure I don’t strain my hammy with the snow and ice that is currently on the ground, just to be safe.  I’m hoping for an outdoor run on Friday.  If anything, the coals have been stoked because let’s be real:  there is nothing like a little setback to remind you just how hot your fire burns.