#i was gonna draw a simple jeremy but then i looked at all the nasty ass old art i drew of christine and i needed to do her justice

[iaminjail]

You are the person I want to be with everyday / And this is something that I've been afraid to say

[mpregnateyourocs]

Day 2: Aberrant

FFXIV Writing Prompts 

Prompt 2

Welcome to Kouronne’s Kitchen, where good eats and good friends are the special of the day, every day!

Howdy y’all! And welcome back, once again, to Kouronne’s Kitchen. With me your host, Kouronne L’brass.

Today we’re gonna be whippin’ up a favorite of mine ever since I was knee high to a chigoe: dried morbol vines! They’re a popular recipe from my home city of Bahz Bahn. Now, for those who don’t know, Bahz Bahn is a city state located north of Gyr Abania. It’s hot and swampy all year ‘round, and was settled by a tribe of Miqo’te that are pretty different from any you’d find down here in Eorzea. Some maps might say Bahz Bahn is part of the Garlean Empire, but they’re wrong, alright? Bahz Bahn may be occupied, but I’ll tell you right here and right now that those bucket headed bastards ain’t crushed our spirits yet. The resistance will not be silenced, it will not lie down and give in, as long as a Miqo’te draws breath, the swamps won’t be safe for any foreign occupiers.

What do ya mean I can’t… I’m just tellin’ the viewers about my hometown. Yeah I get that Garleans watch this show… Well they oughta know the truth! It’s like my ma always said- Yes sir. I understand sir. No, I don’t like the word cancelled sir.

Anyway! Where were we? Right, dried morbol vines. They are as simple to make as they are delicious, but endlessly customizable! Now this recipe has two components: the vine, and the spice rub. The vine is what most people consider the tricky part. Morbols are pretty dangerous beasts after all, and back in—where I come from—they get to be twice the size that they are here. So if ya can’t go out and hunt a morbol yourself that’s perfectly understandable, you can just buy some from a merchant. Though now that I think of it, I’ve never seen a merchant selling these.

Take a look at these! If you’ve been on your share of adventures, you’ll recognize the two type of vines a morbol’s got. The sturdy bottom ones it uses for locomotion are darn near inedible. Hear that sound? Solid as a rock. We can sell those to a carpenter and make them mighty happy. No, the vines you want to use are these shorter ones that grow on the upper trap. It uses these to sense its surroundings, which is how it always know the direction to aim its stinkin’ breath. Trust me, ya don’t wanna get caught up in that, you’ll be takin’ tomato baths for a week!

Do y’all wanna see somethin’ really cool? Of course ya do! I went out and hunted this here morbol we’ll be usin’ and it had these in it! These are morbol seeds, and they hatch into some nasty brats. Not to worry though, they’re still dormant.

So once you’ve got your vines, how do you prepare them? It’s simple! You wash them and pat them dry—they’re already pretty fragrant at that stage, and they’re only gonna smell better as we go—then once they’re clean you take a knife and cut them into fourths, then you julienne them. Now kids, if you’re gonna make this recipe, ask an adult for help handlin’ the knife, alright? The last thing we want is cuts in the kitchen. As you can see, we already got a lot of morbol vine pieces from that one vine, which is good because I can eat these by the fistful they’re so tasty. Once the vines are dried, they’ll keep for weeks, or longer if you’re storing them somewhere airtight. How do ya dry them? It’s simple! Ya just spread them in a flat layer on a baking sheet like so and pop it in a hot oven. Once again kids, ask a grownup for help with this part. The drying makes the outside crispy, while the inside gets tough and chewy.

What can we do while the vines are dryin’? We could smell the powerful aroma of the vines. It’s very strong, which pairs well with the spice rub we’re gonna make. Like I said at the top, you’re free to tweak this recipe to your heart’s content, this is just a jumpin’ off point to the wider world of dried morbol vines. First thing’s first, gather everything you need and set it on the counter. You’ll want a large bowl with a lid, rock spice, chili powder, cayenne pepper, cinnamon, black pepper, salt, and here’s my secret ingredient: sugar. Remember as you’re mixing these all together to taste as you go, you can always add more, but takin’ anything out is nearly impossible. If ya do mess up though, that’s okay, just toss it and start over, no need to go cryin’ over spilt spice. It’s like I always say: you never hit a target until you’ve missed it twenty times!

The ratios are pretty simple, pick the amount of rock spice ya want then add half the amount of chili powder. Half that for cayenne pepper and continue on until you’re addin’ just a pinch of sugar. Taste the mix… Wow! That’s hot stuff! It’s delicious though, I’ll give ya that! By the way, if ya really can’t stand spicy things, I worked on a recipe that’s got cheese, dried herbs, and more sugar, you can see the two recipes side by side there; they’re both delicious so try them out and see what ya like! Or ya can mix and match ingredients from either recipe.

You should keep the vines drying for at least two hours, but we prepared some beforehand. See how they shrivel up and turn an even darker shade of green?

To spice the vines, put them in the exact same bowl you mixed your spice mix in and shake it all around! It’s a lot of fun! We made enough spice mix that we can make several batches, since these are just plants ya ain’t gotta worry about contamination! If ya wanna present them, take tongs and- lighting troubles? Did it mess up the shot? Where’s the light comin’ fro- oh god the seedlin’s! They ain’t dormant anymore!

Someone hand me my bow!

You should have stayed asleep!

Aly look out!

Woah! Watch where you’re swingin’ that sword Ciel, ya damn near took my head off!

Dec! So glad ya showed up! Nice shot! Hey, when things settle down do ya wanna try-

AAAAAAAAAH!

AETHER CROSS!

Are y’all okay? Talk about a timely rescue, am I right? I should invite y’all to my filmin’ more often. Seriously Dec, you looked so cool! I almost fell for ya right then and there!

Alright, that’s all the time we have for today! Enjoy your dried morbol vines, have fun cookin’, and remember: if your friends ain’t full, get back in the kitchen!

Now how in the seven hells do I turn this damn bucket head contraption off? Ugh, can’t believe the camera man got hit with bad breath. It ain’t that hard to dodge it, Jeremy! Just move to the side! Oh, I think this button here is the off-

[fathersonholygore]

Showtime’s Twin Peaks Season 3: “The Return, Part 6” Directed by David Lynch Written by Lync & Mark Frost

* For a recap & review of Part 5, click here. * For a recap & review of Part 7, click here. Poor Agent Dale Cooper (Kyle MacLachlan). Still Dougie, still infant-like. He’s not left work since after he finished. Plus, he can barely converse with anybody. He only knows a few words like “home” and his name and a few others like “red door” – the door of his house. A cop helps him along back home to Janey-E (Naomi Watts), his doting wife. He keeps rubbing the cop’s badge, too. Memories of his old life. The absurdity of the whole situation is so perfectly hilarious. There’s clearly something wrong with him and people treat it like it’s only a mild little thing. Suburban life is so zombified that this version of Dougie is somehow no more noticeable or worrisome than the general cold. The best is seeing him with Dougie’s boy, Sonny Jim. They’re essentially on the same wavelength. Although young Sonny Jim is likely a few steps ahead of this depleted Agent Cooper. The only part of Dale which seems to remain is his love of coffee and food; the simple things. Janey-E stumbles onto photos of Dougie and Jade, the working girl he was with prior to the switch. So now that’s another bit of trouble his infant mind can’t really compute, and it isn’t even his life. Doesn’t matter for him ultimately. Someone calls for Dougie, too. Clearly the guy’s into big debt with some rough bastards. Janey-E offers to meet the caller the next day. Then we go to the Black Lodge, as Dale sees through the border between the worlds while running a finger along the black-and-white Lucky 7 Insurance logo. Calling to mind the floor of the lodge. The One-Armed Man Phillip Gerard (Al Strobel) calls out: “Don‘t die.” The spirits of the lodge are still with him in there, in his mind. He’s very slowly seeing things, he has a vision. A kind of second sight, like how he picked out the machines ready for jackpots. He takes out a pencil and on the files from the office he draws a figure similar to the tree with a brain for a head from Part 1. Then a ladder. He draws another ladder, as well as some stairs.

“Fuck Gene Kelly, you motherfucker.” Best insult ever to someone using an umbrella. Special Agent Albert Rosenfield (Miguel Ferrer), on a mission from Gordon Cole (David Lynch), heads into a dark, neon-signed club. He’s there to see Diane (Laura Dern); FUCK YES! Oh, lord. How I love thee Ms. Dern. What a reveal, too. Been waiting to see this woman for far too long. Doesn’t disappoint. Richard Horne (Eamon Farren) is picking up some cocaine, meeting with Red (Balthazar Getty), a strange dude accompanied by men with guns. Apparently he has a problem with his liver, has to beat it a bit. There’s a lot more nastiness in the small town of Twin Peaks than even 25 years ago. Darkness never left. Used to be Bobby Briggs (Dana Ashbrook), now a deputy sheriff, was the bad boy. Looks like the Horne family still has its share of bad apples. And Red, he’s creepy. He’s psychotic, also a bit of a magician. Red: “Just remember this, kid. I will saw your head open and eat your brains if you fuck me over.” Over at the Fat Trout Trailer Park, we see Carl Rodd (Harry Dean Stanton) after all this time. He’s headed into town, same time each day. He hasn’t changed, either. Good man. Loves his cigarettes. In town at the Double R, Shelly Johnson (Mädchen Amick) works her shift as usual, as does the giggling waitress. Life goes on and on in their slice of America. Flying down the road raging on coke, Richard goes flying through a crosswalk and kills a child in front of a bunch of people, bloody everywhere. And he keeps on going, doesn’t even look back. A girl who’s a regular at the Double R sees his face as he speeds off. Carl stumbles across the scene, shattering the tranquillity of his day prior. He looks up to the power lines above, seeing a strange light dissipate into the electrical wiring. He goes to the woman and tries comforting her what little he can. A tragic scene. Note: The #6 electrical pole from Fire Walk With Me and Missing Pieces is specifically shown, panning up to the wires overhead. “Electricity” is spoken by the Man from Another Place in Missing Pieces. See here. Dougie’s blown-up car is being investigated. A cop has to climb up over the junkie mom’s house as she yells out “one one nine” over and over. There’s so much swirling around Dougie Jones that if someone doesn’t find Dale soon it’s gonna be a shitstorm eventually. In a hotel room a man rolls dice, writing down numbers. Under his door comes a thin envelope. One from a man named Duncan Todd (Patrick Fischler), whom we saw in a previous episode, the one seemingly being extorted. The man opens the envelope to find two pictures, he then goes over their faces with an ice pick. Fucking creepy. One face belongs to Dougie Jones. Over at Lucky 7, Dougie-Coop is at work, wandering around like usual. Watching on is Anthony (Tom Sizemore), clearly a man with things to hide. The boss doesn’t seem to love Dougie’s “childish scribbles” on the files. A mess. Somehow in the pile of nonsense the boss discerns what’s meant to be happening. He figures out the symbols, connecting them. Just as the viewer does while watching Twin Peaks. Do like Dougie: “Make sense of it.” This cracks me up, it’s so perfect in a comedic way and also in that way of post-modern thought in terms of how we interpret what we’re watching. Lynch and Frost are mindbenders. Love every second of it. Janey-E goes out to meet a couple sketchy-looking dudes, Tommy (Ronnie Gene Blevins) and Jimmy (Jeremy Davies). They’re trying to get over $50K out of Dougie. She’s pretty tough, all the same. She offers up $25K to be done. The man with the pictures murders his first target. Brutally. He has to do a few murders, in fact. To keep anybody from talking much. All with that ice pick. He almost cries after he’s bent it. Such a surreal moment. Another note: Lynch has a fascination with fucked up teeth, more of which is evident here. Out in the woods, child killer Richard stops to see how much blood is smeared across his bumper. He washes it off. How long can he hide it? Back with Deputy Chief Hawk (Michael Horse), we see him drop an Indian Head coin. He picks it up, noticing another Native logo on the stall of the toilet door; screws missing at the corner. So he takes a closer look inside, prying it open. Inside he finds papers full of writing. We find out more about Sheriff Frank Truman (Robert Forster); his son killed himself, a soldier. Part of why he and his wife are at odds much of the time, because of her grief over what’s happened. That’s a sad story. Another interesting episode. This one a bit more straight forward, and even then it’s a wild ride. I’m interested to see more of the Trumans, and I’m itching to know about Harry. We’ve got another 12 episodes, there’s plenty to uncover. Until next time, Peakheads. Twin Peaks – Season 3: “The Return, Part 6” Showtime's Twin Peaks Season 3: "The Return, Part 6" Directed by David Lynch Written by Lync & Mark Frost…