#i was in denial at first thinkjng maybe its not that bad then thought about it more and more | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

girlwithfish · 1 year

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it still makes me sad and its only been like 20 hrs since i found out asleep for 6 of those hrs so yeah idk i think I've processed it. maybe i hate conflict maybe i am too forgiving or naive or trusting maybe i just want stability maybe its just i love him so im willing to forgive not sure.. i dont rly feel much abt it if i dont think abt it too much

#i guess i considered it to be a dealbreaker possible relationship ender before like this morning when i was dealing w it on my own #while he was asleep and it was lonely and i cried twice or three times in tbe bathroom #i was in denial at first thinkjng maybe its not that bad then thought about it more and more #then cried #and then i was up for four hours just thinking abt it and it was worse bc i didnt know anything and so i didntk now the extent of it #or anythjng or if there was more and i wanted to die so bad #idk #i feel better and closer bc we talked it out for hours and #maybe i should have been more angry. i was just hurt at first and started crying when i confronted him and then i just felt emotionless but #heard hjm out and his handling of it made me trust him more bc at least he came clean and was honest and #took accountability bc i wouldnt have continued w this if he had kept lying or trying to downplay it idk #It sucks but i forgave him i think and believe him and if i dont think abt it ican almost pretend. it feels weird bc im used to being able #to trust him nd hve never really questioned much despite my relationship anxiety and anxiety abt getting cheated on #i just never thought anything like that wluld happen to me so. ifeel stupid a bit but idk

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