#i was just thinking abt this bc i rewatched the first hunger game movie and now THAT ladies and gentlemen and women was an adaptation

[its-tea-time-darling]

it’s another day of shaking my fists at wes ball/whoever made the call to make the flare into zombie disease instead of what it is in the books

[widowlurker]

rambling about catws!Bucky because time is a flat circle

Lowkey tough being a Bucky stan (hehe) out here bc atp the mcu just doesn’t know what to do with him and it’s absolutely tragic because catws is a great movie and a huge part of that is how beautifully they presented the Winter Soldier. Like he is undeniably (personally don’t @ me) the best part of that whole movie. Last time I went this insane over analyzing actors’ facial expressions was the hunger games and that’s basically the peak of fiction for me. So, here’s me doing exactly that

warning: no beta we die like my vocal chords watching catws for the first time

Something that sits at the forefront in my mind abt Seb’s acting as the Winter Soldier is how good he is at being blank. Normally when I think of blank, no thoughts head empty acting it’s just a completely unmoveable demeanor and from what I see in fics it’s a common interpretation that the Winter Soldier is just an empty husk. And while he’s definitely a lot less sentient than he seems to be in the comics I don’t think he’s as robotic as people like to write about (and how I like to read abt so dw this isn’t me trashing on that).

I read a post on here that was either a meta or rant that I def reblogged but don’t feel like looking for that was either or about or mentioned how the Winter Soldier is def a powerhouse but that’s just a building that was made from the frame of Bucky’s own combat skills from the war.

I think his sentience is somewhat similar to that in how he isn’t so much as an empty bodyguard and more like a tunnel-visioned fighter. His mind isn’t a blank slate in a body that’s blindly committing violence but a constantly calculating fighter (a trait I also think was just built off of Bucky’s own violent skills derived from the war) whose mind is occupied only by whatever violence he’s committing.

Seb’s facial expressions as the winter soldier present this well. Again, when you think of the empty husk the Winter Soldier is you’d expect little personality and emotion to be acted out as that character. The thing is, he’s not an empty husk. Seb does a good job at having existent and moving facial expressions without any real human emotion being shown by them. When the Winter Soldier furrows his brows as he fights or thoughtfully looks offscreen when he pulls off his goggles(?) in the lead up to the reveal he’s only expressing the slightest bit of acknowledgement to whatever is happening. Particularly, usually in fight scenes when people do the former it’s to make the character look mad or determined. When the Winter Soldier does it it’s just there. Sebastian manages to move his face in ways that should indicate fully-felt emotions but still only add up to a blank face.

Perhaps in that way the Winter Soldier is somewhat robotic not in the way of an emotionless android but rather an intelligent algorithm.

so, blah blah blah Sebastian is really good at acting blank. But what about when the Winter Soldier does show emotion. Disclaimer that in my rewatch I only saw the highway fight/reveal and the helicarrier, not when Fury and Steve get attacked in his apartment. With this, the first time I believe we see the Winter Soldier breaking out of the emotionless mask is the cute little bout of panic he has shortly after the mask/muzzle comes off, when his eyes get big and be looks off in a way unlike before where instead of it being the slightest indication of thought and strategy it’s a genuine feeling of panic and confusion. This is very much in contrast to moment before after he asks who the hell Bucky is and shoots at Steve. He says the words, but that’s it. His face doesn’t move to accommodate any sort of emotion any normal person would be feeling when they said that sentence. His mouth simply moves as he asks (though the blankness is still broken by then because I have doubts the 100% Winter Soldier would ever take the time or express the confusion that’d come with asking that question). Immediately after he clicks back into reality and the mission at hand when he shoots at Steve he doesn’t return to his before blankness. His eyebrows furrow and this time it’s not simply an unconscious physical result of being focused or whatever but he’s genuinely confused and desperately trying to follow what he’s being made to do. Up until that point, not once does the Winter Soldier bother to halt anything he’s doing in a fight if not necessary. This is the first time he personally hesitates.

And then the helicarrier scene. Oh lord almighty the blessed helicarrier scene. By here the Winter Soldier is back to Winter Soldier-ing, blank and emotionless no matter what movement his face makes. And he stays like that for the entire pre-fight pleading Steve’s doing in that bridge(?) thing. UNTIL Steve says “please don’t make me do this”

Now I noticed this in my rewatch yesterday and then while I was rewatching the scene on yt to write this I fought for my life trying to figure out which cut to Bucky in that convo in which he does it, so I damn-near thought i hallucinated it. But I swear to god his head tilts down and his eyebrows go up. It’s similar to the facial movements he does before when he’s full Winter Soldier where his face moves but it doesn’t indicate any actual emotion being felt. This time however it just somehow does. He’s pleading, for what I literally cannot think of but his face moves only slightly and it somehow spreads the full feeling throughout his entirety. In the next cut after that he doesn’t have that same emotion, but it was there.

From then on the curtain is ripped. Now Bucky fights and he scrunches up his face and all of the sort and he’s not only expressing emotion but he’s doing it so blatantly. So blatantly in fact that I can tell he seems to feel almost desperate.

Remember earlier when I mentioned that not once does the Winter Soldier bother to halt himself unless necessary to survey the situation or something the sort. Yeah, none of that is here. He’s unbelievably sloppy, not as fast and hit-for-hit with Steve as he was during the highway/reveal. And throughout the fight he only gets slower and slower, his face scrunches and moves more and more., and he wastes more and more time talking and trying to make Steve suffer and feel how he’s getting hit as if to prove to something or someone that he’s not succumbing to the memories bubbling up inside him and straying from his mission.

Until finally Steve says “I’m with you til the end of the line” and fandom was never the same

and neither was Bucky, because despite the fact that his luscious locks are blowing all over the damn place, all over his face, we see down to the atom what he’s feeling. It’s the Winter Soldier’s end of the line, and now Bucky is here to get fucked over by the mcu’s writing.

Again, catws is my favorite mcu movie in terms of acting and writing and the reason why is because they did so well at writing such a horribly tragic victim. I stay saying that Seb is one of the best actors in the mcu and the reason why is because of how agonizing his performance of the winter soldier’s mental turmoil is. So why on God’s green Earth is the mcu so intent on making some bullshit atonement plotline (or a poor attempt at showcasing Bucky’s internal guilt that comes off as an atonement plotline, depends on who you ask) and throwing him in with anti-heroes/villains when it really doesn’t fit what his arc should be AT ALL???

anyway god bless Sebastian for being damn-good at acting out agony

[zoekrystall]

Just ranting abt horror tropes and how I am picky

Love how that layout change kicked me more into spooky mood again but man I fucking hate how much ableism is in horror movies. I forgot why I don't watch horror movies at like all since forever but adore horror in gen until I searched for ones without any ableist shit in them. If it isn't physical seen as creepy it's the narcissist/sociopath/psychopath villain trope and I want to start strangling producers. The last one I watched was skinamarink and that was like my first one in forever next to an old japanese one like two three years ago w a friend. Will prob rewatch otgw and some classic horror movies. Maybe when focus watch some anime w horror elements. Since like. Getting me to be scared is anyways hard nowadays I consume horror games all year round (albeit only through let's plays). Also idk if it just seems like that or if I got bad luck there but a lot I did want to check out bc of people saying how oh so brutal they are always got rape scenes when I checked which is an immediate no and I just I'm tired man. Also yes I like survival horror I like resident evil silent hill ofc I like a lot of horror game classics but like. Those aren't creepy imo. Those don't evoke the same fear. I want psychological fucked up horror cmon. Gore is cool and I do enjoy it but less in a creepy more in a "yay! ♡" way like sometimes murder makes me feral like an animal. Which is anything but being scared. Like I want to be the one murdering them I want to sink my teeth in and violently shake my head! If you can understand german the youtuber corrupted got pretty much the same taste as me. Back to movies and shows I think the problems also is I just prefer games way more. It's so different just watching people being in a situation vs having to control them maybe even having choices to dif endings and all (even just watching a let's player evokes it enough). Fear and hunger is amazing! 1 and 2! I watched the vods by cdawgva and the game has a neat story characters designs etc. But like. In regs to scary is it not what I exactly want. I bet if I would play myself would I dislike it bc I hate fighting and all. I think bc it touches on the psyche n all is it one I def like more but ig it's more the worldbuilding than the game itself? And then it's for me a yknow horror game but not a scary game. Idk how to explain it maybe a scary game is also just not possible for me and if that is the case then I mean? Fear and hunger nailed it a lot I think. I think I start to analyze automatically more than just let myself be spooked without my brain constantly thinking abt the setting. I mean I like a lot of horror rpg maker games bc of the story setting n all. I think I just enjoy what I enjoy but man is it a shame to only be scared once in a full moon nowadays. I think the suspense is v important? Joey said on a trash taste ep I watched yesterday how a lot of japanese movies nail it w you think there will be smth but then there's nothing so you are constantly on your guard. Maybe that's why if I do I usually watch japanese horror movies. Ik I def don't like when the hard stuff like immediately drops. Def hard to pick my horror taste apart oof.

[blysse-and-blunder]

in lieu of a commonplace book

8pm, monday, august 15, 2022

once again writing this on my phone in the background while waiting for my turn during dnd, as god intended; nature is healing, we were the virus, etc. since i can’t do a read-more on mobile, this will just be a quick one!

reading another week finishing things— TGCF vol 2, xiran jay zhao’s iron widow, getting into the last few chapters of perdido street station. glad to have finished iron widow and been able to return the loan, it felt like an accomplishment— aside from that, it… felt like a first novel. huge vision, very pointed messages, two or three ‘plot twists’ that i either suspected or outright called well in advance. i don’t love first person narration for a novel like this, the struggle btw ‘believably unreliable’ and ‘observant / objective enough to actually provide descriptions and context’ is super hard to get right (this is also what bugged me abt the hunger games, don’t @ me). there’s one particular choice in iron widow that i did quite like (predictably, the handling of the love not-triangle), but that didn’t quite outweigh some of the stuff that made me uncomfortable (not bc they were problematic, just bc i’m very suggestible and a weeny about physical discomfort).

listening my buddy @pep-squad-lizzie dropped a link to the defector podcast ‘Normal Gossip’ in the group chat a little while ago, and i’ve just about finished both seasons. i like the host’s voice and manner, i’ve really liked most of the guests—as the question is posed each episode, i have been asking myself ‘what is my relationship to gossip? do i consider myself a gossip?’ i think what i like is the reflecting on / analyzing / sharing emotional responses on the stories, empath- or sympathizing with the participants. i like emoting about people, places, and things with people i trust not to pass on the news of how i feel about those things! i really value and respect a Cone of Silence when a friend imposes it; i live and work in communities too small not to, we need places to be candid with no fear of it getting back to the people involved. that said, we also live by sharing stories abt professors not to work with, people looking for roommates or with interesting syllabus examples to talk through— so it’s a judgement call. i like the anonymized gossip on the podcast, but i might like the guests’ editorializing and reacting best? especially when they take an unexpected stance or are willing to sympathize with someone at first. i like thinking the best of people at first, until they prove they don’t deserve it, and it’s nice when the guests do too. i quite liked the josh gondelman episode.

watching my house watched master & commander: far side of the world this week, a rewatch for all of us i think. i’m pretty much incapable of being impartial about this one, but it’s a good damn movie. the visuals, the soundtrack. i like how the plot is almost entirely character-interaction driven, despite it being a war movie; i like how the emotional beats have only gotten more real and painful as i’ve gotten older; i do actually now notice and feel irritation abt the fact that sophie and diana and any of the female characters from the books who could have been included are totally not there even in flashbacks or memories or…anyway.

playing more stardew. @leadfeathers made a post a little while ago about relaxing in the tub listening to news podcasts and playing stardew, and that was me this weekend if you make the soundtrack strangers’ gossip and also i couldn’t take my laptop in the bath i have finally expanded my cottage! ive started the mysterious qi quest! my irritation about how little the game internally does to help you out *as a person playing a video game* as opposed to a fictional farmer is balanced against my ongoing awe about how the game expands and adds elements or allows you to deepen and expand what you’re doing.

making garden pics as things start to bloom and ripen! the little leaf in the black plastic pot is a lemon seed i’m delighted to see making a go of it; the big yellow squash blossoms are probably zucchini.

[angelblumes]

food ment. Helllooooooo ugh would you like me to beat her up perhaps end up like her namesake, og mischa?(jk im not a (cannibal)) time to bust out the therapy voice tho , you will find your people and they will love you. Ok. ok wtf is happening? are we like the same person or something? wellbutrin buddies ❤ my room needs to be clean and moved the whole sha bang but I cant😔 life needs to be lived and such. I hope you arrived safely and happily and that everything is slightly better for you than it was last message and that you didn't get too carsick. my power went out today for like 3 seconds everything turned off everything , it usually takes alot for that to happen for my house just because its old and other reasons that I dont actually know. I've had a jam out session yesterday, it was so relaxing 😌 🙌 danced my little heart out to them guys I told you about. There's something abt the murders in hannibal that just does it for me... the artistry of it all. I love it when we talk outside of the 5 daily things too!!! hey, did you get that 'you're so mature for your age' as a kid or 'you've got an old soul' ? whats ur thoughts on that? I personally cant really imagine saying that to a kid maybe its a generational thing? ok 🙄😁 I like commentary ive been watching reactions? on youtube its a guilty pleasure, also I've been getting into some reality tv. Wife swap is crazy I love it alot and then the dating ones because ofc. whats one of the 1st reality show you remember watching and not hating? Honey Boo Boo and I Am Jaz (I think?) were my top two choices of reality. maybe a rewatch is in order for me. ok daily things um a guitar got brought into my house today i... its very.. it made me weirdly happy I love music and its instruments. thank goodness tbh my med were just a little later than usual, the pharmacy gave me emergency 3 days for they can figure out whats up because this is the second time we are having the same problem 😅 I had the best brownie of my life, it was store bought but like from the bakery fav dessert. I got this "new" shirt on so comfy, its tie dyed splattered different blues with an astronaut and nasa logo in white, its cute but also like 3? sizes too big (its a hand me down) dont worry abt the guy if a next time happens ill be ready for it 💪 it will go down, I personally know the man's family I will ruin his life if it comes down to it (we live in a town idk if it's small)or realistically just sic my family onto him. I found out my cousin has a gf now and is apparently very much happier than she was with her ex man (who made awesome cheesecake btw off topic tho) gay people stay winning, I did not know she was not straight tho so happy little surprise 😁 jeez its a lot of words uh I hope you're doing good and you had a good sleep and other nice stuff happen to you and you had a good trip🌷🤟🤙❤

HELPPP u are an angel. thank u❤️. and right exactly. normalize thinking fictional murders are artistic or something . thinkin abt how i used to think criminal minds murders were interesting but never had the right words so i'd just be like "woah he *kills them weirdly*? cool"😭. BUT YEAH i did get that all the time omfg "ur so mature for ur age!!" like thanks it's because i have issues and problems 💀....hmm i hate reality tv HAHA. this gc i'm in was just talking abt wife swap the other day how crazy !! idk if i've EVER liked reality tv .... i like watching commentary abt it (like uhh cody ko's stuff) but watching it myself... nope😭. daily things lets see!!! i went to the baltimore aquarium:) i was exhausted tho. saw that a tiktoker i like (hello fem will graham cosplayers...) went there a few days before me. how funny! i wish we had met and fallen in love or something. i went to bed at 5pm yesterday and slept til 3am. then went back to sleep from 6am to 10am. i think my new adhd/anxiety meds are the cause. sadly. cuz they work! but by making me too tired to be nervous or start thinking too much🥲. i'm tired 24/7 already and thats not helping LOL! i had this fancy meal ok multiple fancy meals and it was really nice. i got chesapeake chicken (haha like chesapeake ripper am i right?!?) and it had crab but i'm crazy i'm crazy i didn't eat the crab. the texture was soooo bad. anyway at another place i got a burger bc i'm lame i don't eat seafood (besides shrimp. which i am allergic to.) and i ate almost the whole thing and my friends mom said she was proud of me😭❤️. i always feel so guilty after eating a lot and that made me feel good. i've started watching more vampire video game play throughs. what can i say. vampire masquerade: bloodlines did something to my brain where i like vampire games now. it's the same guy which is cool. i dont like finding new youtubers becuz i've never kept up w whose problematic or not... like what if i get really into someone and mention it and someone's like oh yeah he preys on women. wtf. like umm cry? is he a youtuber? is he evil? cuz i was looking for a pathologic gameplay and he had one and i was like hmm... he sounds familiar. he has probably done something ? maybe? mm lastly.... i read this hunger games hannibal crossover WEEKS AGO but it's just still on my mind. i don't particularly love the hunger games but it's only bc i don't really know a lot abt it. i enjoy it but i've only seen the movies and read the first book (until rue died. never picked it up again after that! i cried a lottttt) and there's like an absurd amount of hannibal crossovers. i guess bc hannibal would totally rule in the hunger games. like come on a CANNIBAL? the uh.. capitol? they'd go crazyyyy for that. the fic itself wasn't even that groundbreaking or anything i have a lot of criticism for it tbh but it opened my brain to the concept. i have another one opened in a tab but it's super long so i haven't made much headway. i want one where it's like.... the one where the old winners come back for a game! and then they escape😈. but in the one i read will and hannibal sort of just escape anyway in a normal hunger game. like ok cool but i don't think that's plausible. but then how would it work ? like could will win a game on his own? maybe i should write my own fic. but then i'd have to understand what happens in the hunger games /j. ugh ok i was thinking abt that one scene where idk they do the little hand signal thing and drag katniss away and go to shut the door like right as they shoot that guy in the head. THAT WAS SO CRAZY. or when katniss shoots the lady instead of president snow and then everyone just descends on him💀 i feel like there's a level of nuance and understanding that i just don't have so i say "woah! cool :)" i hope ur doing well too ily❤️❤️💗