#i was planning to draw bam version too but damn you have no idea how long this piece alone took me

[deiaiko]

Jump Shot

[galactic-pirates]

Fandom Asks for 2022, presuming I can remember what actually was last year

You know what, I get no asks so I ask myself because why not? If I feel like doing something then just do it. Fun can be had. There are no limits. This is my tumblr and I can ramble as I please haha.

So there were 25 questions and I'm just going to see what I feel like rambling about because I do just feel like rambling this evening. I'm having thinky thoughts about fandom because I miss it. I'm in one of those "fuck it, there's no point" kind of moods. I made plans for the year and I am doubting myself. I don't think I can do it. I don't think I have the skills or the spoons. I wasn't good at fandom shit either but hey I had the excuse that it was just for fun, so it didn't matter. I mean it mattered, and it ate at me that I was never as good as I wanted, but it didn't mean doom.

Thinky thoughts!

1) Favourite characters this year

Breanna Casey - Leverage: Redemption. Now I love Leverage and I do love Redemption but the vibe is off. I can't put my finger on why but it's not quite right. I have speculated that it feels like the whole show is a bit exaggerated, like everything is cranked to eleven. However, Breanna is a delight. She is smart and sarcastic, a total nerd, I'm more Parker's generation than hers but I feel like she represents my viewpoint on the state of the world. Also she's gay and might be asexual (hello laptop sticker) and so that's even more like me.

Erica Ortegas - Star Trek: Strange New Worlds. The moment I saw this character I thought I would like them. I love their haircut and their humour and they are badass and there is just never enough of them. I thought my favourite character would be Number One but might be a tie. For all that Ortegas has a criminal lack of screentime, they steal every single scene with awesomeness. Also this show is the prettiest show in the world. It looks incredible on my TV.

2) Favorite ships this year

Like LOTS obviously because I am a multi-fandom obsessive but Trek and Seven and Raffi were a surprising addition. I wasn't expecting it and then bam, they have taken over my brain and hello I didn't need a new fixation but yes just think about nothing else ok? Fun fact! I actually made this gif ^^ because Saffi Prompts is something I helped organise (it's on hiatus atm) and I also put together the Saffi Bingo which didn't see really any traction at all (I sent out cards but I think I saw one fill and that's it). But hey I was all in with these guys.

What makes me so freaking sad is my list of projects for them is HUGE. Like so many drawings and I started writing fic. I have partly plotted a huge season long novel-length rewrite starting at the end of season one, and going beyond season two. I LOVE that idea so much and now I have quit fanfic it is never going to exist. It built on what season one gave us with Soji and the Romulans. Maaaaybe I might have drawn a little teeny tiny bit on Stargate but c'mon replicators and Ancients and it's too damn easy and too much fun.

Oh! Oh! And let's not forget my Raffi on Voyager. I had a crapton of notes and that was just for Seven's first season. To be fair the fic started life as just an image of them kissing in a Jeffries tube and then I gave it plot. I had thoughts and feelings and sometimes I think too deeply about certain episodes and get mad and this is how fanfic happens. Like I'm not even sorry.

I'm not sure how many thousands of words will never see the light of day. Maybe if my drawing skills improve enough I can do one of the dozen drawings I have on my list for them. At least I am still doing fandom art.

3) Favorite TV shows to watch this year

I really want to say Picard but honestly the version in my head is better. Probably shouldn't say that but honestly it was criminal what season two did to Elnor and Soji and just generally. It threw out amazing stuff from season one to focus on an "out of nowhere" storyline about Picard's mum which just ugh.

Honestly the show I have probably watched the most faithfully has been the original Leverage. It is my comfort show and I can rewatch it a bazillion times and don't care.

4) Favorite books read this year

Dragon Gate! Dragon Gate!

Ok I read 42 books last year. I made a real effort. Considering a couple of years ago I probably didn't even read 1 I have come a long way. Anyway, Lindsay Buroker is who I want to be when I grow up as a writer. Rarely ever before have I read something and just wished so hard that I wrote it. Usually I don't vibe with stories that way. I can love them to death but always with an element of "but I want to fix you" but her writing style is similar enough to my own but so much more skilled that I am inspired, and motivated (when I'm not having crisis of self-faith that is) because man I want to write like that.

Dragon Gate is what happens if dragons and magic and all the fun of airships meets Stargate. When I tried to do this writing thing back in 2016 I indie published 2 novels in a series that was basically magic meets Stargate as a general description. So if I do say so myself it's a great premise. My interpretation was very different of course, I mean it started out on Earth and there were aliens but I digress.

Anyway, I'm now reading through as many of Lindsay Buroker's books as I can. Perhaps I'll subconsciously learn to write better through eagerly absorbing the words with my eyes. I mean it's not likely but one can dream.

5) Favorite song, album, or artist to listen to this year

According to iTunes Replay it was Set It Off or Linkin Park or Simple Plan or Panic at the Disco. Although I think my stats got a little warped as I decorated my house this year and my hands got paint on them. So whatever album I set to play in the morning, was repeating all day because I couldn't touch my phone.

11) Biggest squee moments of the year

You mean people don't use squee anymore? Sorry I'm a little stuck on the fact that there was an explanation attached to the question. Anyway! I have to go with a late arrival of the announcement of Jedi: Survivor because OMG I want that game so badly.

After playing Fallen Order I must have googled daily for months hoping there would be some kind of confirmation of a sequel. Once that happened I think I stopped my daily googling but I kept waiting for news and now there's a date!!! (March 17th)

Honestly Fallen Order was the best Star Wars game I have played bar none because the lightsaber combat made sense. Lightsabers are one hit weapons - when they hit - and so having them whittle down a healthbar never felt good. The combat in this game is just epic. The story is great too and the characters (special shout out for BD-1). I can't wait to play more.

24) Fandom resolutions for next year

Last Question! Honestly I don't know because I don't know. Ok no that's not an answer but look I reblogged that "year of the OTP" thing and I want to do it. I have a Leverage bingo card and I have IDEAS and I want to do that. I have signed up for the Bering and Wells exchange (due February 14th) and the Bering and Wells Big Bang.

I want to do ALL THE THINGS!

But time, and spoons, and other commitments, and spoons (always with the spoons). I can't do everything and wanting to do things doesn't magically make them happen. Something has to give, something always does, and so I guess that's my resolution - to decide NOT to do things, because I actually can't do them. Which is super fucking sad by the way.

I'm not good enough. I can't do it all.

Buuuuut I really kinda want to.

It would be so freaking cool to make the projects that live rent free in my head a reality. Perhaps rephrase the resolution to something a little less miserable. Like a suggestion to pace myself, to not over-commit, to think before jumping in with both feet, to not let my single-one-track-obsessive-fixated-mind lead me down an unsustainable path.

And to stick with my resolution to quit fanfic, because burning down all my glorious plans, and opening up those documents again will not serve me longterm. However, much I wish my fanfic ideas could be made reality.

[eledritch]

*slides into your inbox* demisexual Keith you say?? He is in my mafs fic too! I'm not sure I'm doing him justice though... Do you have any advice on how to write him?

right so this just turned into a long long post about being demi….

aw it’s v sweet of you to ask…honestly I just self-project onto Keith so hard; I identify as demi (demiromantic or demisexual we just don’t know, maybe both) and it just made a lot of sense for me the more i thought in (too much) depth about Keith’s characterization. Keep in mind that demi-ness is a spectrum and this is just my experience with it.

I guess one of the things is that Keith has this very defined sense of like, setting aside his own personal wants/needs/feelings/safety/etc for others, specifically uhh those who are very important to him (ahem SHIRO, but also applies to his BoM adventures rip Regris). And not to say that that’s a characteristic of everyone demi at all, but for me personally that really resonated in the context of feeling that my own wants/needs were unimportant/secondary/silly. 

I never knew how to talk about it, explain it, so I just kinda kept quiet. It’s weird being demi bc it’s such a ~mysterious~ gray area, and it’s hard to explain to people, especially paired with me being bi (I hc Keith as bi and demi as well). Because bisexuality has a (stupid) reputation for being synonymous with promiscuous while demisexuality is like, “i dont get what you mean are you just super picky??” and im over here like I DONT KNOW MY DUDE IT’S JUST WHAT I FEEL and i think keith would relate to that. 

bc I didn’t even know about the concept of demisexuality until I was, man, like 16 or 17 at least?? So it’s very weird growing up and knowing that your libido/sexual awakening or whatever is distinctly different from your peers and what you’re being taught. I found myself lying constantly about crushes and things like that when I was in elementary/middle school especially - all my friends would cycle through crushes with frequency that was kind of alarming and very confusing to me hahaha I was always a lot more focused on…aesthetic beauty if that makes sense? Yet I was quite aware of my own libido/changing body/kinks/whatever, they just weren’t aimed at anyone else, ya know? All that stuff was very…contained and internalized.

Like, before I really came to terms with the fact that I’m bisexual, I was struggling to explain to my best friend (who had just come out to me as bi, LMAO WE FLOCK TOGETHER) how I rarely find people sexually attractive, even if I may toy with the idea/fantasy of doing sexual or romantic things with people, usually people already close to me, those aren’t things I would ever act on or ever want to act on. I just have a very active imagination, if you haven’t already guessed. Anyway, yes, I find many people aesthetically attractive, as in I would love to draw them or take photos of them bc I just admire how they look and how they’re, uhh…put together? Sounds weird but that’s all I got haha. 

Demi Keith also makes a lot of sense to me in the context of Sheith specifically because, okay, again with the self-projecting - in all my 19 years, I’ve only had crushes on 2 people (…possibly comin up on a third rn…..), one of which was bc of an unhealthy af friendship/defensive coping mechanisms, but the other of which lasted throughout ALL of middle school and was just, REALLY INTENSE FEELING. I was (middle-school version of in love) in love with this kid, but we were friends first, and he actually found out I was smitten with him, and guess what? We actually became closer friends, and I was really content with that. And my friends all thought that was weird that I wasn’t gunning to date him and flirting/constantly all up in his business. 

But I was like, why would I do that?? He knows how I feel, we’re comfy as friends, we trust each other and talk about deep stuff, we hug and hang out and he invited me to his bar mitzvah so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ bc I felt fulfilled in that friendship with everything just being entirely platonic. Dating doesn’t hold the same appeal to me as it does for my friends and sister and the people around me. 

Additionally, I’ve never understood when people i.e. my roommates make goals that are like OK THIS QUARTER, NO BOYS, GOTTA FOCUS ON SCHOOL. bc im like um. that’s. what??? Like, I get it hahah but attraction and crushes and flings have never been that important to me and factor very little into my plans for the future. If I wanna focus on academics, I’m gonna focus on academics. And I think Keith has that same mindset, whether with academics or piloting or Voltron or BoM or whatnot. 

If a Shiro walked into my life, I would still be focusing on academics. With significantly more pining, yes, but ya know. Books before dicks (im so sorry). However, if that Shiro suddenly disappeared, damn right I would feel like my world’s axis had just shifted. Because with being demi, for me at least, we may not feel attraction very often but when we do it’s like, WHOA, BAM. Which I think is uhh also very Keith :’D

I hope that MAYBE helped??? there’s so many possible interpretations of demisexuality tbh!

[becbibliophile]

THE GAME OF HIS LIFE

  Hockey player Ben Westmore has some serious skills—on and off the ice—and he’s not above indulging in the many perks of NHL stardom. When a night in Vegas ends in disaster, he realizes two things: 1) it’s time to lie low for a while, and 2) he needs a lawyer—fast. But the smoking-hot woman who walks into his office immediately tests all his good intentions.

Olivia Davis doesn’t need anyone derailing her career—or her dreams of starting a family—least of all a skirt-chasing player like Ben. But soon he’s unleashing a full-court press to convince her that he’s the real deal. She’s slowly falling for his sweet, rugged charm, but with so much on the line, Olivia has to decide whether Ben can truly change—or if he’s just playing the game.

Amazon | B&N | Target | BAM | POWELL’S | IndieBound | Kobo

Ben is the oldest of the Westmores – He’s always been the serious one, only concentrating on the game. He doesn’t have time for love and he likes his life, being able to get any woman he wants. But all of a sudden Ben finds himself in quite the predicament. It’s play-off season again and now he finds out he’s married? WTH?! On a drunken New Years Eve, it seems he married a girl he didn’t even know. Or so he thinks. But it’s not the girl that he married that has him in knots in the woman who is representing her in his divorce! There is an instant connection between Olivia Davis and himself and it’s one he just doesn’t think he can ignore.

Why did Ben Westmore have to walk into her office? Just when she’s decided to give up on her Happily Ever After and reach for her goal herself, the suave and gorgeous Ben Westmore comes into her office and knocks her off her feet. But it’s all wrong… it can’t work between the two of them can it?

I loved this book. Ben turns on the charm and makes this a super fun read. I love this series and can’t wait for the rest of the books in the series.

COLORADO ICE SERIES

 Series Page on Goodreads

“Relax,” he said smoothly, his gaze locked on hers, his expression soft, unfazed—the look of a man not dancing with the lawyer who could ruin his life or at least playoff season. She had to learn this guy’s secret, because there was no way he was this unaffected. Yet, his hands weren’t sweating the ways hers threatened to, and the only heartbeat she could hear thundering was her own.

She forced a slow and what she hoped was unobvious breath. “I am relaxed. I’m not the one who should be worried.”

The palm of his hand spread across the exposed flesh of her back and she prayed the tingling sensation in her spine didn’t result in goose bumps. “So you’re saying I should be?” he asked, turning them in rotation to the steady beat. Despite her resistance to this dance, her hips betrayed her by swaying in sync with his, and her feet kept time with his every step. He led with a silent authority that she was forced to follow. And for the first time in her life, she wasn’t hating giving up control.

“I think so, yes. My client is…”

He brought their joined hands between them and placed a finger to her lips.

Her heart all but stopped.

“Why don’t we save the shop talk for the courtroom? Let’s just enjoy this dance.”

She swallowed hard, but nodded. Dancing in silence, she could do that.

Unfortunately, Ben seemed eager to chat. “How long have you been practicing law?”

He expected her to remember stats as his hand on her back dipped slightly lower, his hold drawing her even closer? It had been far too long since she’d been enveloped in the arms of a man who felt and smelled so strong, so confident…How long would it be again if she went ahead with her plans for a baby? She pushed the thought aside when he stared at her, still waiting for an answer. “Twelve years,” she said, cutting out her time as a junior lawyer and intern, so as not to age herself. She knew from his online Wikipedia page that he was thirty-four, two years younger than she.

“Do you love what you do?” he asked.

“If I say no will I get the inspirational ‘do what you love and it will never feel like work’ speech?”

“Is that a no?”

She shook her head. “Actually, I really do enjoy my job.” She couldn’t say watching families get ripped apart by bitter divorces was something she loved without sounding like a sociopath, but she enjoyed her career.

“Can I ask why only professional athlete divorces?”

“I was dumped by a jock,” she said.

Ben laughed. “So one guy ruined it for us all, huh?”

She nodded then shook her head. “No. Everyday cases—with normal, everyday husbands and wives—just seemed a little too…real,” she said.

His blue eyes burned into her and his grip tightened on her hand. “So, guys like me aren’t real?”

She swallowed hard. He felt real…He felt more than real—he felt amazing. His arm wrapped around her felt deceivingly safe and his hand holding hers felt warm and secure. God, she could see herself giving in to these painfully real feelings…“You’re probably one of the more real ones,” she said, hoping he didn’t detect the slight quiver in her voice.

He nodded slowly as though unsure whether her words were a compliment. “Have you ever been married?” he asked, rotating them in time to the music.

“That’s crossing a line into personal.”

“Kids?”

“That’s less personal?” She raised an eyebrow.

He smiled. “Guarded much?”

The effect of his smile from a safe distance was knee-weakening. This close, it was downright dangerous. She quickly averted her gaze to the other couples on the floor. “How long is this song anyway?” She felt trapped the way she had in tenth grade when Robbie Gropes-a-Lot Harris had tricked her into dancing with him at the winter formal to “November Rain”—the full eleven-minute extended version. Except Ben’s breath smelled minty fresh and not like tacos, and his arm draped across her lower back made every fiber in her being spring to life, making her want to flee for a completely different reason than the one Robbie had evoked.

“Do I make you uncomfortable?”

Damn right. And it should be her making him uncomfortable. There needed to be a power shift between them and fast. “Of course not.”

He pulled her closer. “You make me uncomfortable,” he murmured, his expression suddenly serious. Every inch of her body was pressed to his and she could barely catch a breath. Dancing was a really bad idea—a torturously bad idea. Being in his arms reminded her of all of the things she’d sacrificed for her career, of all the things she’d told herself she didn’t need…

“G-good,” she said, her voice cracking. “As I said, my client…”

“I don’t mean the divorce case. I mean you.” He touched her cheek and her skin burned. Thank God he was holding her so tightly because she couldn’t trust her legs.

Their stare locked and held for what could have been a lifetime, as everything seemed still and quiet around them.

Still and quiet.

The song had ended.

She yanked her hand free of his and stumbled away from him, inhaling a gulp of air into her deprived lungs. “Well, dance is over. I’ll…uh…see you.”

He nodded, the charming polite smile back on his face and for a second she wondered if she’d imagined the intensity in his gaze seconds before. “Goodnight, Olivia.”

Olivia.

Her own name sounded foreign coming from him. She longed to hear the sound again, and she was an idiot for wanting something so dangerous. The NHL’s biggest playboy had just worked his charm on her, and she’d lost all common sense.

She turned and headed straight for the table, leaving him on the dance floor.

She had to pull it together, but she also had to admit the unfortunate truth. Never before had she been tempted to kiss the enemy.

Excerpted from MAYBE THIS LOVE by Jennifer Snow. Copyright © 2017 by Jennifer Snow. Reprinted with permission of Forever. All rights reserved.

Jennifer Snow lives in Edmonton, Alberta with her husband and son. She writes sweet and sexy contemporary romance stories set everywhere from small towns to big cities. After stating in her high school yearbook bio that she wanted to be an author, she set off on the winding, twisting road to make her dream a reality. She is a member of RWA, the Writers’ Guild of Alberta, the Canadian Authors Association, and the Film and Visual Arts Association in Edmonton. She has published over ten novels and novellas with many more on the way.

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  Maybe This Love by Jennifer Snow THE GAME OF HIS LIFE   Hockey player Ben Westmore has some serious skills---on and off the ice---and he's not above indulging in the many perks of NHL stardom.