#i was so hype for the new invasions season right up until i saw the three dark skinned poc characters’ skins

[claudiasjustice]

would you believe me…..

if i told you this is the same man?

[kingk8art]

hetalia rant

pls ignore how I won't use any proper punctuation or capitalization because my arms and fingers all hurt from volleyball :( Edit: My arm’s are better now so I’m actually using proper capitalization and punctuation (special thanks to my friends for proofreading and also Google autocorrect.) Special thanks to my friend for helping me out with writing this.

so i'm one of those people who joined the hetalia fandom like REALLY late, having first watched the anime in like 2017 or 18. Nevertheless, when I heard about how the anime was coming back in 2021 I was really excited!! I’ve been reading world stars lately but there’s just something in the hetalia anime that made me love it so much. the voice acting and how it’s animated and everything, it really brings the characters to life! out of curiosity I searched up hetalia on twitter. keep in mind that i’m pretty new to the fandom so i never really got to see the shipping wars, or really any toxic part of the fandom, since i wasn’t there when hetalia was at its peak.

What i saw was really different from what i expected to see. I kinda expected twitter threads hyping up the new season, or things like that but most of ones I found in the top section were hate comments about hetalia, and things about why it shouldn’t come back. I was reading these and I was like, wait why? Some of them actually made sense, and the others had flawed logic. Here are my rants on why hetalia ISN’T anti-Semitic or problematic (as of now).

Misconceptions About Hetalia

1. Hetalia is About Nazi Germany or the Holocaust

If you’ve actually watched the show/read the manga, it’s quite obvious that although some of the events take place during WW2, it never mentions Hitler, Nazis, the Holocaust, or anything like that. and there’s a good reason for it. In the first place, hetalia isn’t meant to be a serious comic. The manga only focuses on subjects like funny things that happened to historical figures/occurrences during a war, weird inventions; generally those kinds of things. It focuses on the cultural differences between countries, or wholesome moments in history (such as when two enemies stopped fighting on Christmas day to play soccer.) Hetalia itself is antiwar. Consider the main character himself: he absolutely hates fighting. I don’t see how hetalia can be anti-Semitic or pro-war at all. But what I will say is fucked up are those certain cosplayers that did the Nazi salute, posed in front of a Holocaust memorial, etc. But I can still guarantee that the MAJORITY of the fandom is not like this. Every single fandom has its bad apples, some more than others. It’s not right to generalize the entire fandom as anti-Semitic, racist, disrespectful shits.

Do people realize that Germany’s character in Hetalia isn’t Nazi Germany?  In the first place the Holocaust wouldn’t be Germany’s responsibility — the depictions of these characters are meant to portray the people as a whole, not their systems of law or government. It’s stated in the series that nations MUST obey orders from their “boss” (which probably refers to the country’s ruler, president, prime minister, or other leaders at the time. Nations can’t choose what their superiors do, or what those under that control do. Saying Germany is humanized Nazi Germany is like putting that label on all German people without considering factors like time period or representation. Hetalia characters are a mere representation of each country’s people, nothing else.

How does mentioning WW2 in a comedy make it offensive? There are PLENTY of movies, novels, and other kinds of media that take place in WW2 and yet are in the comedy genre. Ever watched Jojo Rabbit? If you thought Hetalia was offensive, have you ever watched South Park or looked at CountryHumans? I do get why some people dislike Hetalia, but why does it receive so much hate for something that was never in the series (or generally speaking, for the wrong reasons)? It may have flaws, but there’s a strong definition to what those flaws actually are. It doesn’t revolve around antisemitism or Nazism. 

2. Hetalia is Racist and Stereotypes People

Now this is a pretty controversial topic. Being a comedy about personified countries, stereotypes are really something that HAS to be used at some point to make the characters funny. But does that automatically make it racist? No. I saw this on a YouTube video comment section somewhere, but stereotyping (generalizing) that all stereotypes are ‘bad’ (or have negative connotations/associations) is literally stereotyping. Not all of the stereotypes are bad. Like the way Britain acts like a gentleman or likes drinking tea, which in a way, is a British stereotype. That’s not a bad thing, just funny to see in the show — played for comedy purposes, and not necessarily offensive.

Although Hetalia characters are sometimes influenced by stereotypes that revolve around the actual countries and represent the people in general, they DO NOT always represent what those country’s people are actually like. Also, I’m pretty sure the point of comedy about personified countries is to use some of those generalizations. Specifically, stereotypes that the Japanese have about foreigners. France is portrayed as a flirty man because in Japan France is known for being a “romantic country.” But that doesn’t mean that they think all French people are like that — it’s just a lighthearted joke. And now, Hetalia characters have grown to be more of their own character rather than simply a humanized country at its base. Despite being a personification, they’re like their own person, not just used to depict stereotypes. Just because a character has a certain personality trait doesn’t mean Hima believes that everyone from that country has the same trait. It’s not meant to be racist, and isn’t. 

What I Think Was/Is Problematic

As much as I love this show, there were DEFINITELY some problematic things that people tend to ignore.

1. Korea Controversy

As a Korean American, I have to say that I was quite disappointed when I learned about how Hima portrayed Korea in the manga. I won’t go that deep into this one since it’s not that relevant to what I'm talking about now, but it was definitely a HUGE problem and I’m glad that he was removed from the series.

2. Iron Cross on Germany

The iron cross that Germany wears in Hetalia (in every time period) is a military decoration that was used since the King of Prussia until the time period of Nazi Germany in WW2. Today, it’s considered a hate symbol, similar to and alongside the swastika. To be fair, it wasn’t just a decoration used purely for the Nazis, unlike several other examples of Nazi symbols and memorabilia, so I suppose it could be up to each person to judge whether it should pass or not, despite the surrounding circumstances — it isn’t up to me as part of the fanbase. But personally, I think it should have been removed/not used in the first place. I mean, it wasn’t that necessary, seeing all of the military uniforms drawn in Hetalia were simplified anyways. Perhaps it would be much less problematic if Hima didn’t draw the iron cross, and the same goes for the other presented issues.

3. Japanese Imperialism

The way Hima portrays Japanese Imperialism was pretty offensive in my opinion. An instance is the presentation of the Japanese invasion of Korea. It wasn’t just like how the colonies were under Great Britain’s rule. It limited much more of Koreans’ rights and was much more gruesome. I don’t know about anyone else and can’t speak for each individual, but as a Korean, portraying all of this as Japan merely patting Korea on the  head is fucked up. This ties to the controversy of Korea’s character. From what I’ve seen, Hetalia is pretty close to a rightist (in Japan, not the US) series. I won’t dive too deep into that, but rightist — or in Korean, 우익 — animes are animes that glorify their country’s past/country, or  use content to make fun of or criticize other nations. Actually, it’s probably much more complicated than that, but as of now I don’t know much about it. It mostly ties to the tension between Koreans and the Japanese, so if you’re not either, there’s not really much to worry about. But (maybe because I’m Korean) I found it weird that the manga seems to give every single character a bad/negative characteristic except Japan. I guess it’s only natural, since the creator is Japanese. But then again, France was basically drawn as a rapist/pedophile, but I have never seen a French person complain about it. Or maybe they just completely avoid Hetalia? If anyone knows about it, I would be glad to listen. Perhaps it’s just a bias that I have as a Korean. It could also be a cultural difference too, since we tend to be very patriotic.

4. The Title: Axis Powers

Although the main character is Italy, and the story revolved (emphasis on the past tense) around the 3 countries that were part of the Axis, Hima should have been more considerate with the title of the show, thinking about what the Axis Powers actually did during WW2. Just “Hetalia” would have been fine. But it also should be considered that when Hima started drawing the manga, he did not expect it to become a long-term thing or for it to blow up so much. Thankfully, only the first two seasons of the anime were titled as Hetalia: Axis Powers, and later seasons were titled more acceptable things, like World Stars (manga) or The Beautiful World.

5. Seychelles

Personally I don’t find a problem with there not being that many African/South American countries in the show. Africa’s country borders (and all of that related material) were very different from what they are today, and it would be really fucking hard for Hima to keep track of all of those while still writing good characters. And unlike Europe, Africa’s history was not transcribed much, and is a lot less-known. The problem with Seychelles was her skin color, which wasn’t accurate. But that’s since been fixed.

Is Hetalia Really Problematic?

My most straightforward answer for this question would be no, it is not problematic as of now. Something I realized while listing all of the aspects of Hetalia that I personally thought were wrong to put in was that most of them don’t exist anymore. Besides Germany’s iron cross, all of them were removed from the show. Korea was banned from the anime, and he no longer appears in any of the manga strips. The manga strays further and further away from topics like Japanese Imperialism or WW2. Most of the time in the manga, countries do not wear their military uniforms anymore, but stick to more casual clothes. The characters stray further away from stereotypes that Hima used to use as a comedic effect when he first started drawing. My point is: Hima learned his mistakes. Which only makes sense, considering all of the criticism he probably received when the series first started. I think that’s a good thing. Now back to what I was ranting about earlier. I don’t get why people are saying Hetalia shouldn’t come back! The new season is most likely going to be based off the most recent Hetalia manga series, which is Hetalia World Stars. If you’ve ACTUALLY READ THE MANGA AND DIDN’T JUDGE THE ENTIRETY OF HETALIA BASED ON ITS FIRST FEW SEASONS, you would know what World Stars is about. It’s about all sorts of things. My personal favorite strips are the ones about ancient Rome! It’s not just drawn to give readers a laugh but it actually teaches you some history. Other than Rome, the manga is also about the trends of clothes in certain countries/time periods, industrial revolutions, or just the interactions between the characters in general. I really don’t see how animating these would be harmful at all. The subjects don’t revolve around what a lot of opposers say/negatively connotate the series with. If you think bringing Hetalia back is a terrible thing to do because the fandom would return and start doing toxic/weird things, I really don’t know how to respond to that. The fandom already died out around the time the last season was released. Now newer fans will come around, and the former fans would return (hopefully) matured up. It's already been 5 years since the last Hetalia season aired, after all. And like I said earlier, toxic fans never represent the entire fandom. If you really hate the fandom that much, I recommend not getting involved at all.

[imreallyhereforkataang]

hello, i don’t know who to ask about this but i’m new to the fandom and saw that you really like kataang. what’s your interpretation of katara’s glance down after the kiss before the invasion? i’m not a fan of the surprise kiss trope but even with that said, i had thought she liked him back. it didn’t seem like she did at that point or through the rest of book 3, and then next thing we knew they were endgame in the finale. sorry for being a bother, i’m just a little confused (like katara i guess haha)

Hi, Anon! Welcome to the fandom! Hopefully it treats you nicely lol.

Ah yeah. I've seen this talked about a lot over the years. And, y'know, I get it. It can seem a little out-of-place at first since, as you noted, Katara shows signs of being romantically interested in Aang beforehand, and now that they've had their second kiss, she doesn't look too happy about it. As someone who ships them, I initially would have loved to see them happy in that moment, to take another minute to themselves just to share grins and maybe laugh a bit because they've taken that step, put their feelings out into the open, and they're both glad for it. To a shipper, or to someone who's rooting for our protagonist to express his feelings, this does feel like a celebratory moment. I'm taken out of the context of the scene for a second because the pretty music has shot in and I'm still surprised at Aang's move and I'm happy to see an actual, mutual (as Katara leans in) kiss between them.  

Then again, this situation is a lot realer for them than it is for me. I'm the viewer, I can hear The Cave of Two Lovers' theme, I can see this being painted in a positive light because we see these two come together for a brief moment, and the narrative is, in a sense, praising that. In-universe, though, it's a bit more complicated, and Katara looking sad really isn't so out-of-place.

Remember where they are and what they're doing, what they were saying moments before and what they're about to risk. For them, this is the quiet before the storm, their possibly final goodbye. Aang is about to fly off and face his destiny, confront what he's been training for over most of the year, "since the day we met" as Katara puts it, and determine the fate of the world based on whether he wins or loses. Whether he comes back or not. And he puts the reality of the situation out there. "What if...what if I don't come back?" It's the threat of that possibility that spurs him to kiss Katara. And she figures as much.

Despite the music suggesting otherwise, this isn't a happy scene (and perhaps that's why we don't get the full score until the finale, because this kiss is only foreshadowing what could be). It's tense, and bittersweet, and pretty tragic imo. Aang knows he could die. He says so. And then he kisses her. And I feel like Katara breaking out into a great big smile in that moment, even though she does have feelings for him, would just seem off. Idk, personally I'm not sure how you (impersonal) can celebrate finally kissing the person you like when you remember that what drove them to make their move just now is the very real possibility they might never see you again. That they're about to leave and face that risk, and there's nothing for you to do about it. Seems like an upsetting situation to be in. 

There's also the fact that I'm skeptical Katara didn't already know Aang had feelings for her. I'm not saying it was always on her mind or that she paid much attention to it, she may have been putting all that stuff on the back burner or pretending it wasn't there as much as it was (including her own feelings) to focus on more important things, but I think she at least knew it subconsciously. I mean, Aang's not very subtle sometimes lol, and they've shared plenty of moments. So when Aang kisses her and Katara jerks back and her eyes widen in surprise, it's not because she didn't expect Aang to have these feelings (at least imo), but because she was in the middle of talking and is taken aback that Aang broke the unspoken barrier between them. 

They're touchy feely throughout the show. Katara's kissed him on the cheek plenty of times, they've even kissed on the lips before now. They have sparks, and they've been dancing around them quite a lot, from the Book 3 premiere at the latest. But they haven't gone that extra step to put it out there too far, where there's no mistaking the meaning behind these gestures. I think, on Katara's end, she would have been okay with putting off making any official moves for a while, given the war and several other possible factors preventing her from feeling able to spend too much conscious thought and emotion on it, and so she's surprised that Aang's kissed her because they'd been keeping their more romantic intentions implicit up until then. She won't be realizing afterwards or celebrating in her head that "omg, the guy I('ve sorta been avoiding my feelings for but actually do) like likes me back," because she’s known this, but it’s been left unsaid and kept slightly quiet in Katara's musings. Now, it's out there in the open, they're past the safe zone, there's little room for ignoring the feelings anymore, and it sucks so much that they had to make their way there now. It's such tragic timing, a kiss that doesn't stem from a smiles and rainbows conversation where they sit down to talk about their feelings and where they want to go from there, but a kiss done out of desperation, out of the possibility that Aang doesn't come back. Through that lens, it's almost like they kissed "too early," especially for what happens next.

See, my impression is that Aang's kiss was meant for two possible scenarios -- Aang loses and thus doesn't come back, which means there's obviously no future for him and Katara. Alternatively, the day is won, the war is over, he comes back and the world is finally at peace; they can stop running, they can celebrate and breathe and talk about where they're going from here in an environment more appropriate for that. And since Katara kissed him back, it seems like she affirmed that there's something there for them, given he returns. But instead, something happens that I don't think they anticipated. Aang does come back, but he didn't win. So, in terms of Katara and Aang, they're now at a bit of an impasse, a situation that their kiss wasn't intended for, and it leads to this semi-awkward limbo because Aang's still alive but ideally that kiss between them wouldn't have happened yet. 

Everyone needs to regroup, start it all over again, keep grinding and come up with a new plan. There's no time to get sidetracked, now more than ever. And, to me, that's reflective of what happens to Katara after Aang kisses her and takes off from the sub.

Katara's reaction is to dwell on the kiss. She wants to, but Sokka reminds her that there's no time to. So Katara snaps herself out of it, and she moves on. And then they survive the Day of Black Sun, but the fight isn't over for them yet.

You asked about the DoBS kiss, so I'm not gonna waste your time hyper-analyzing Ember Island Players because there is a lot that's been offered and discussed about that episode. But if you were to simplify the reason for Katara's stance there, it's pretty much just holding up what was established in DoBS.

At the Invasion, while caught up in surprise because she had an expectation that they wouldn't broach the subject this way, if at all, for a while, Katara kissed Aang back, and she kissed him back because she wanted to. But since then, she's had more time to think, and she won't be so caught off guard next time. Aang expresses during EIP that he wants to try a relationship with Katara sooner rather than later, and that he'd thought she felt the same since she kissed him back (as well as the moments they shared before), but Katara is adamant now about this not being the right time. She fully intends to keep her head in the game, like Sokka reminded her at the Invasion. That's essentially what she thinks Aang needs to remember now, too (and yeah, like I said, there are other ideas that can be brought in that contribute to the articulation, but this is the primary point being conveyed here).

Whatever the reason, her response causes Aang to reevaluate his conclusion about where they stand. Even though the war isn't over, he thought that, because he survived and Katara accepted his kiss before, maybe they could try anyways. But Katara still feels stuck in limbo, and she makes that clear. It's also significant to note that Katara doesn't make Aang any promises about being together after the war, which imo was a good move on the writers' part (I have a wip about this but idk when that'll be done lol). Anyways, Aang backs off, following her lead and putting romance aside.

I do want to talk about the second half of Book 3 as a whole, though, not just EIP. I've seen people criticize this portion of the story in terms of Kataang, but I think that, besides the substance of these episodes, it's important to keep in mind that the last 10 episodes of the series (The Western Air Temple and on) originally aired 7.5 months after Day of Black Sun. Not only that, but these episodes all aired within the same week. It was a big, hyped-up event on Nickelodeon dubbed "Countdown to the Comet," and it took place over the course of 6 days. That sort of schedule for finishing a show is...unusual. But it was also intentional here. 

Even though the episodes don't have to be watched that way, the final 10 episodes are, in a way, all together the final big bang of the series. They're majorly dedicated to the most critical elements of the main story, including Zuko finally, after 2.5 seasons, joining the gaang and him finding his place in it. I'd say that The Western Air Temple to The Southern Raiders are most generally about that, about Zuko being accepted and making amends especially to the original three members of the gaang (who he's hurt much more than Toph). The viewer is gratified by watching Zuko do what we all hoped for him, forming relationships with Aang, Sokka, and Katara after all this time, merging our most important A and B plots. The other major things the last 10 episodes are for are the final battle, of course, because that's going to be our conclusion to this journey, and Aang's preparation for it.   

So yes, onscreen interactions between Aang and Katara are fewer, but by no means does that make the rest of Book 3 an undoing of what they have. All their setup has been established, we're good on that, and we're going to leave that relatively be for now while we delve into the action until we're ready to revisit. And besides, imo, they still have extremely critical moments in the last 10 episodes that I am deeply, deeply happy exist. They're more subtle and less explicitly romantic -- a lot of them take place when they're not even around each other, but they speak volumes to me about how Aang and Katara have influenced each other, and how important the other is to them.

These 10 episodes are like a refocus of our largest priorities, and Kataang coming together is put on hold (again, I think that benefits the main story) for the end. But even though we watch less scenes where they're together, with more scenes of Zuko joining and hanging out with each of them individually in place, there's hardly indication of Katara and Aang avoiding each other after their DoBS kiss, or even post-EIP. 

They're still friends first. What they're avoiding is not each other, but a new possibility for themselves, because right now they're choosing to ground their feet in what they have. Basically, around each other, they're pretending what unfolded between them never happened until, possibly, on Katara's say so, it's appropriate to resume that aspect of their relationship.

And after the war, probably into a few months of peace (based on the state of Sokka's leg), she decided it was. She felt ready, and they dove right in.

I hope that clears things up! And don't worry, you weren't a bother at all! I love talking about these two, but unfortunately I became really busy the past couple days (plus this response got deleted and I couldn't salvage it because I saved a copy of a cursed screenshot of Aang and ig it was scary enough to erase my clipboard history :3). Thanks for your patience lol!

[junker-town]

Who won Hall of Fame Game week in the NFL?

Derick E. Hingle-USA TODAY Sports

Michael Thomas got a massive contract. Vic Fangio got a kidney stone. Tough call, tough call.

Winning in the NFL doesn’t just happen on the field. Victories large and small come in many different forms, ranging from nine-figure contract extensions to a few kind words said by an important figure.

While we’ve got a whole table to determine division-by-division standings and playoff odds, we often lose track of the more subtle victors each week. Rather than just running down a list of the Dolphins’ weekly opponents this fall, I decided to take a deeper look at the winners who transcend the box scores and spill glorious into the greater world as a whole.

Which is good, because this week’s, uh, limited slate of games didn’t tell the world much about the 2019 season other than which team, the Broncos or the Falcons, had the weaker fourth-string lineup. So who “won” the first, single-game week of this summer’s preseason?

First let’s start with who didn’t.

Not considered: the actual football at the Hall of Fame Game

Due to an internet outage, I missed the first two minutes of gameplay in Canton. Somehow this equated to TWO ENTIRE POSSESSIONS.

Through their first three drives, the Falcons had twice as many penalties (two) as net yards (one). Ten of the game’s first 12 drives ended in punts. Three of those punts were muffed. It took rookie quarterback Drew Lock four passes to get within three yards of his intended target downfield. Denver challenged a pass interference call seemingly just to be the answer to an obscure trivia question for years to come.

But hey, if you liked six-yard passes on third-and-9, THIS was the game for you.

the 2019 Hall of Fame Game's longest plays: 3. DEN RB Khalfani Muhammad, 31 yard run 2. ATL DE John Cominsky, 33 yard muffed punt recovery 1. DEN CB Linden Stephens, 43 yard pass interference penalty

— Christian D'Andrea (@TrainIsland) August 2, 2019

Kurt Benkert was the shining star of this wind-up car demolition derby, and he still threw for 5.4 yards per pass and left the game in the fourth quarter with a foot injury. He and Matt Schaub are currently dueling for the chance to start Atlanta’s meaningless Week 17 game after half the roster has been shunted to the injured list by conquest, pestilence, war, and death. Falcons fans will shake their heads and mournfully tell the world they “knew it would end this way.”

While we’re on the topic of premonitions Falcons fans can feel in their bones, Atlanta lost thanks to a tipped-ball touchdown on fourth down with under two minutes to play. This was the only vaguely exciting moment in football’s 2019 preseason debut.

Now, on to the winners ...

5. Resplendent old guys at the Hall of Fame Game

Tony Gonzalez is gonna look like this until he’s 80:

Tell me he wouldn’t still put up 60 catches if the Patriots or Cowboys called tomorrow.

Ed Reed would probably do all right too. He looks like he’s spent the past five seasons gearing up to fly a fighter jet against an alien invasion that will ultimately be foiled because their spaceships run on binary code.

@TwentyER pic.twitter.com/9Bd1jZ0Jqw

— Baltimore Ravens (@Ravens) August 2, 2019

Former WCW superstar Kevin Greene (and part-time pass rusher, I guess) also made the most of his camera time.

The guy’s 57 years old and still rocking an absolute Hercules mane. Bonus points for wearing a watch apparently made from the tie-down straps of a military cargo plane.

4. Nathan Peterman, whom everyone* likes

Everyone loves an underdog. As far as NFL quarterbacks go, there’s no bigger underdog than Peterman, the man who once threw five interceptions in a 14-pass stretch to kick off his first NFL start. Getting chased out of Buffalo for ineffectiveness is typically the kind of offense that precludes a player’s journey to a budding and ultimately fruitless spring football league.

Not the Peter Man.

No, the quarterback whose bedraggled play in western New York made us all fall in love and spawned the least-hype hype video ever made is getting a second chance in Oakland. And, like the guy he beat out for a roster spot last year, Jon Gruden has a preseason crush on him for some reason.

“I like these guys. This Nate Peterman is growing on me,” Gruden told reporters at training camp. “He’s athletic. I know he’s had some nightmare performances in the NFL, but when you watch the film you can see why. It’s not all his fault, but he’s got some talent, he’s got some athleticism, he’s got some experience. Here’s an opening day starter for the Buffalo Bills last year. I take that very serious. And he’s smart. He’s done a good job, he’s been consistent and I think he’s starting to get his confidence back and we all need that.”

Naturally, this news was well received by Raiders fans. From SB Nation’s Silver and Black Pride:

No, coach, no. This is the sort of thing that Mark Davis should roll up a newspaper and smack Jon Gruden on the nose for saying. I get that Peterman played for literally the Bills and that he looks the part, like how a successful quarterback should look, in shorts. But Peterman also has a record of 1-3 as a starter and a QB/INT ratio of 3/12. He was aggressively ‘meh’ in college at Pitt, where he was essentially a more boring version of Tyler Palko, and when he got to the pro ranks based entirely on his genetics and through no achievements of his own, he proved how overmatched he was and how his decision-making ability rivals that of the kid who climbed in the gorilla pen with Harambe. Nate Peterman is the sort of musclebound stiff Vince McMahon would try and fail to make a big star in the 1980s.

But the joke’s on you, Peterman haters. Gruden’s not the only guy who likes this scrappy young upstart.

Find yourself a teammate who supports you like @derekcarrqb supports Nathan Peterman. #HardKnocksNow pic.twitter.com/WaElOAE0fA

— NFL Films (@NFLFilms) July 31, 2019

Peterman’s just out here trying to do his best, man. Listen to Derek Carr and give him his shoe deal. Preferably something from Member’s Mark.

*citation needed

3. Derek Carr, who is not threatened in the least

He gets to be friends with Peterman! He’s gonna be neighbors with Gruden!

It’s true. As David Carr said, Derek Carr has bought a home in Las Vegas. When it’s complete and he finally moves in, his neighbor will be ... Jon Gruden. #Raiders

— Vic Tafur (@VicTafur) August 1, 2019

I hope he likes cookouts where the only food option is Hooters takeout.

2. Jordan Lasley, who proved himself worthy of the Raiders (while a Raven)

If you get released for punching teammates and celebrating too hard, you get to be on Hard Knocks. Sorry, that’s how the league works now.

Here, you can kind of see the ball Jordan Lasley threw into the nearby pond shortly after his fight with the DBs. pic.twitter.com/AQyrDw8509

— Jonas Shaffer (@jonas_shaffer) July 29, 2019

The Raiders claimed Lasley — a 2018 fifth-round pick with zero career NFL receptions — days after Baltimore released him for fighting cornerback Cyrus Jones and turning his fists on safety Bennett Jackson for having the audacity to prevent him from breaking his hands on Jones’ helmet.

First fight of Ravens camp: WR Jordan Lasley takes exception to CB Cyrus Jones going high in press coverage and the two exchange blows. S Bennett Jackson tries to break it up and Lasley swings at him. Jackson then tackles Lasley to ground.

— Jamison Hensley (@jamisonhensley) July 29, 2019

Now Gruden has two quarterbacks who are best friends and an entire roster that wants nothing more than to fight anything and everything in its path.

Oakland’s final day of camp should just be a 30-man over the top rope battle royale. Last five men standing get roster spots. Winner takes on Vontaze Burfict at Halloween Havoc.

1. Michael Thomas, who now has an opinion on the capital gains tax

Is Thomas the best wide receiver in the league? It’s debatable, but you can make a strong argument for it. The fourth-year wideout has excelled in New Orleans, catching 229 passes the past two years for 2,650 yards. More impressively, he did so despite drawing constant double-teams from opposing secondaries who saw fellow wideouts like Tommylee Lewis, Willie Snead, Tre’Quan Smith, and a hobbled 33-year-old Ted Ginn and giggled to themselves, “heh, no.”

Is Thomas the highest-paid wide receiver in the league? He is now. Rather than run even the slightest risk of losing Drew Brees’ favorite target to either a preseason holdout or 2020 free agency, the Saints made him the first pass catcher to garner a $100 million contract, inking him for five years with $61 million in guarantees. He’ll now be counted on to present a field-stretching menace who not only gives Brees the latitude to make video game throws downfield, but also creates a little extra space for Alvin Kamara to create havoc.

Most importantly for New Orleans, Thomas was the balm that soothed Brees’ late-season blisters. The veteran quarterback appeared worn out while falling off an early MVP run; after recording a 126.9 passer rating in his first 10 games, that number dropped to 91.5 in his final five. Thomas’ numbers fell off in that home stretch too, but he still averaged eight catches and 65 yards per game. If the combination of extra defensive pressure and a reduced Brees aren’t enough to drop him to sub-Pro Bowl levels, what will?

Thomas got a record-setting contract and more ammunition in his battle to be crowned the league’s best receiver. And he didn’t have to play in the Hall of Fame Game. He wins this week.

Special mention: NOT Vic Fangio’s urethra

Fangio’s first game (kinda) as an NFL head coach after breaking into the pro coaching ranks 35 years ago almost didn’t happen.

Broncos’ HC Vic Fangio, scheduled to make his HC debut tonight vs Atlanta in Hall-Of-Fane game, spent a good part of the day in a Cleveland hospital with a kidney stone, per source. Fangio has not passed it yet, but he is doing better and he will try to coach tonight.

— Adam Schefter (@AdamSchefter) August 1, 2019

That every Broncos sideline shot Thursday night wasn’t just a window into the depths of human suffering was the Hall of Fame Game’s biggest upset. Every second he stood upright was a victory over the mutiny taking place inside his own body. With pirate ships circling his kidneys, Fangio stood atop his deck, surveyed the landscape, and asked his first mate to bring him his red pants.

Not that the pain wasn’t evident at times, despite a stoic front.

Fangio, for the record, wore this expression for four straight hours. Did he do all this just to become the first NFL coach to challenge a pass interference call? Probably!