#i watched the 3x01 but the rest later! i only have the energy for one thing at a time lol

[whumpypepsigal]

[irhinoceri]

Some meta thoughts on Stark

Stark is one of my very favorite minor-to-major reoccurring characters.

The thing I really loved about Stark when he was introduced in 1x18 Nerve and 1x19 The Hidden Memory was the sheer unexpected turn of his character. He quickly went from kooky krazy menacing cellmate to a genuinely interesting character with pathos and hidden depths. Paul Goddard’s performance as Stark pretending to be crazed versus being actually a little bit crazy in reality but having a center of calm and healing just blew me away.

I was confused and disappointed when he disappeared off Moya the next episode despite not being dead and Moya not having been able to starburst, so I didn’t understand how or why he’d left the ship. When he did return to become a series regular I was really glad, but I did notice that his writing was very uneven.

There seemed to be some confusion about whether he was to be used for comedic effect and viewed as crazy, cowardly, worthy of scorn.... or had something more to do in the story. I loved his relationship with Zhaan, and I thought that while she was still on the show there was some of the best writing for Stark as well. But what was really interesting to me was his relationship with John over the course of the show and how it fluctuated between fear, resentment, anger, bitterness, kindness, support, affection, and understanding.

In season 4 and PKW when he came back after yet another departure from the crew in 3x17 The Choice, I feel that the portrayal of Stark leaned a bit too far to the one dimensional “this guys is nutso!” portrayal. But at the end of PKW they seemed to finally remember the best part of the character, that moment of quiet and calm and caring after the storm. So his final farewell to John and the reveal of the side of his face no longer aflame with mystical energy, was easily one of the best moments of PKW for me.

Stark and John Crichton are in some way similar characters. They are certainly connected by the Aurora Chair experience and their shared time in the cell on the Gammak base. They’ve both been tortured extensively by Scorpius on top of other traumas that led them into madness. For Crichton it’s all the shenanigans that happened in season 1 before Scorpius even showed up, for Stark it’s being a conduit for the spirits of the dead to pass on and being part of a “slave race” who has been kicked around and abused his whole life.

Crichton gets an epic love story which is very clearly presented as being his saving grace, the thing that pulls him out of the madness and guides him to a happy ending, though his tumultuous love affair with Aeryn provides him plenty of torture along the way.

Stark falls in love with Zhaan only to have her die for love of John and Aeryn. She sacrifices her health to resurrect Aeryn in 3x01 Season of Death and then in  in 3x04 Self Inflicted Wounds: Wait for the Wheel she gives her life to stop John and Aeryn from arguing over which one of them is going to die saving the others.

This arguably is why Stark becomes more unhinged in season 3, resenting Aeryn and John for Zhaan’s death, and being ever more the outsider because the person he had the closest connection to has died. In a way he’s become the oddball out that John was in season 1, only further along on the untethered scale, and not headed toward anything better.

On Talyn he really only has Crais and Rygel to hang out with, except for his brief and disastrous stint connected to Talyn. One of his best episodes in fact is 3x12 Meltdown, when he spends the episode talking to a ghost lady only he can see or hear. The parallels to John and Harvey are there. When he thinks he might be able to contact Zhaan he leaves the Talyn crew to go his own way, but once again he is linked to John’s story by passing on the holo recording a dying Talyn!John left for Moya!John to view.

4x07 John Quixote brought one of the most interesting and unhinged versions of Stark. At first I was very confused by this iteration of Stark as vengeful and exploitative, using Talyn!John’s memories to build a game that seemed designed to trap Moya!John in a never-ending loop of striving for an unattainable version of Aeryn, literally a vain and empty-headed Princess at the top of a tower of nightmares. But viewing it in the context of Stark struggling with the darkness inside himself and giving in to the resentment he feels about Zhaan’s death, it’s brilliant. Stark isn’t just a whimpering idiot in this treatment, he’s the unstable mastermind behind this personal hell. But is it John’s personal hell or Stark’s? And when John figures out that the Princess is not his princess, but Stark’s princess, it gives the whole game away.

Unfortunately this was the pinnacle of writing for Stark in season 4 and his other appearances kind of frustrated me. Turning that childhood memory that he was hiding from Scorpius into the location of a secret Scarran base was a good way to provide continuity but it kind of ruined one of the moments I loved from season 1... that moment when John and Stark are telling each other what secret hidden memory they’d been blocking. That was a moment of shared trauma and unhinged laughter over the fact that they’d been mentally destroyed for things so seemingly insignificant as a kiss and a fond memory of childhood. The actual Scarran base is not so whimsical as all that, and made me wonder why Stark was blocking it from Scorpius at all. John was obviously protecting Gilina’s identity as his accomplice on the Gammak base, but who or what was Stark protecting by not giving up the location?

At any rate, at least Stark’s presence on the Scarran base in season 4 reunited him with the Moya crew, so onwards to Peacekeeper Wars....

In which he spent the bulk of his screentime being kicked around, mocked, and abused by the main characters. Except for the very very end and that lovely scene, it was a bit painful to watch a favorite character get such underwhelming treatment. But I suppose I can say that for a lot of the PKW characters, like Sikozu and Jool and even D’Argo in the end, who died for really no good reason at all. I am grateful that PKW wrapped up John and Aeryn’s story, but I do think it suffered greatly from only being 3 hours which didn’t allow it to truly do justice to any of the other characters. If Farscape the show was an ensemble with a special focus on John and Aeryn, PKW was the John and Aeryn show with the rest of the cast as backup dancers.

But missteps in later seasons aside, I am still quite taken with the introduction of Stark in 1x18-19. And the scene where he cradles a tormented John and comforts and calms him with the glowing light of his previously masked face, is to me one of the really striking moments of the entire show.

[nickblaine]

season 3 script summaries (nick)

first of all - special thanks to reddit user cablab123 and @dystopiandramaqueen​​ for making phonecalls to the writer’s guild that resulted in them getting the season 3 scripts from the studios this soon 💖 we have these because of you!

just to clarify, these notes are about nick scenes only. am i biased? yes. will i go back and read the rest? i don’t know. i didn’t like this season, so i don’t have much energy for it. but i did read the other cut scenes which i will summarize in another post later. this one is about nick.

reminder that anything i put in quotes is direct phrasing from the scripts. however there are copyright laws in place, which is why i can't provide copies or photos. edited to add: because i’ve seen some doubts about my authenticity, click here for proof.

i do accept questions, but i will only respond if i have an answer. i may come back and respond eventually if i find the answer on a future library trip.

possible spoiler warning: there are 2 cut scenes in here which may or may not be considered spoilery if they use them in season 4. the cut scene from 3x12 in particular could be a big indicator of what’s to come next season.

finally - please do not share this post without my permission, and thank you in advance for respecting my wishes.

3x01

nick has fred trapped in the room. after serena says, “we should give her more time to get away,” and leaves, fred turns to nick and accuses him of having so little respect for their family that he would involve them in his crimes. nick straight up tells fred, “I did it for her. For June.” it says fred knew this but hearing it shakes him up. this is the catalyst for their open disdain for each other from now on.  

there was more to nick & june’s argument that we didn’t see, which showed june regretting staying in gilead. after she says “don’t you think i know that?” she breaks down and admits: “I fucked up. I fucked it all up. I should’ve gone. I’m a fucking idiot. But I couldn’t leave her here, I couldn’t leave her behind.” nick feels deep sympathy for her after this confession, and they let go of their anger and share an embrace. i’m real mad this got cut, it showed a lot of june’s vulnerable side.  

after the house fire, nick is leaving and: “June searches for something to say. Goodbye? I’m sorry?” but she can’t because they’re in public. originally he said “Take care” and she settled on “Bless you.” (personally, i think i like the onscreen version better.)

3x03

there was lots of nick “finding this exchange excruciating” during the commander meeting at the lawrence house. he just wanted to help june the whole time joseph is tormenting her. they are “desperate to communicate” throughout this scene. also, joseph was carefully observing nick, june and fred the whole time. they never explain why, but june seems to think he’s just amused by it all.  

when nick came back to visit that night, he and beth share a sweet moment at the back door. nick asks her if she’s okay. beth tells him she’s scared shitless. he comforts her with a hug, during which she jokes, “You look ridiculous in that get-up,” and nick says, “I know.” (i love beth and nick’s friendship... i wish they didn’t throw away the opportunity to show it this season.)  

when nick goes upstairs, his and june’s conversation was written to be a lot less cold than it is in the final cut. june immediately goes to nick for comfort when he comes to her room. “She needs him desperately. She needs his help.” but the news of his deployment shakes her. they are both described as infuriated by their situation, and “drowning in their own futility.” when june opens the door and invites nick back in, they share a kiss and “wrap themselves around each other. For the last time.” 😭 then june closes* and locks the door (to juxtapose her old bedroom with the door that never locked.)   *still disappointed by that closed door? see here!  

3x05

in luke’s tape, june is scripted to say, “You met him. He helped me to survive. I was in love with him." the description of luke’s emotions here say he feels stunned as well as “relief that Nichole isn’t the product of rape... and yet, June found love. She moved on.”  

3x06

when nick and june reunite in DC... nick was spicy during that prayer scene 🔥 june could feel him trying not to look at her. and this line killed me: “His fingers trail, just barely, over June’s hip. Across her bare fingers. On June, feeling his hand.”  

nick and june’s kiss in the snow did not have much description. just lots of natural chemistry on max and lizzie’s part. also, they were supposed to share one more kiss after nick agreed to meet with the swiss. speaking of...  

NICK. MET. WITH. THE. SWISS. people can stop claiming he ditched his daughter now. the script makes it clear. nick walks into the room with mattias and meets lena and sofia before the scene cuts. we don’t get to see what they talk about, but he tried to do the right thing for holly per june’s wishes, against his better judgement.  

no further explanation for why the swiss don’t want to work with nick. when lena tells june she can’t work with nick, all it says is that june’s “association with Nick has left her somehow tainted.”  

june feels “betrayed” by learning that nick was a soldier in the crusade, and continues to throughout the season. though the script never explains why she feels so betrayed by something that she has done herself (killing innocent people under orders) or why she is so quick to believe serena joy when she is familiar with her manipulation. her thoughts in that scene are described as she is “absorbing the fact that Nick was a terrorist.” take that as you will. however, the following scenes clarify exactly what he did...

THE TRAIN SCENE: there’s a very important line describing how nick really feels about being a commander: “The troops salute him. Nick returns the salute, hating all the choices that led him here.”  

immediately following that line is a cut NICK FLASHBACK! here’s the summary: nick was in DC during the coup. he was on guard duty. yep, big bad terrorist war criminal nick blaine was a glorified security guard. in this scene, nick and a young soldier named trevor are guarding an empty basement stairwell in the capitol building during the coup. trevor is complaining that they are “mall cops” while “everyone gets to actually do something,” meanwhile nick is described as “looking sick.” then there is an explosion in the stairwell, followed by a brief shootout where trevor is killed. nick shoots back “out of instinct” and it’s revealed he’s killed a capitol security guard and a bureaucrat.

immediately after the flashback is the cut shot of nick (above) looking sadly out the window, remembering those choices that led him here.  

it’s worth noting that the flashback scene contrasts starkly with serena’s words just prior, which were scripted as: “He served Gilead. He believed in something greater than himself. He was a soldier in the crusade. We wouldn’t be here without him.” so it seems pretty clear they are setting this up to be misjudgment on june’s part.  

the shot of nick looking sadly out the window was supposed to be followed by a parallel shot of june looking sadly out the window of the winslow house, reflecting on her meeting with nick the night before. 😢  

3x10

just wanted to note here that despite june feeling “betrayed” by nick since 3x06, when fred suggests transferring her to DC she actually considers it could be a good idea because she would be “closer to Nichole. And maybe even Nick.” so he is not absent from her thoughts.  

3x12

warning: the following scene may be spoilery for season 4??

thank god, we were right about a cut scene in this episode. there was exactly one (1) nick in chicago scene, and it took place immediately after luke punches fred. and just like max said, it confirms nick has been one step ahead all along.

in this scene, nick is observing the war in chicago and talking with his “lead commander” (pictured in the promo still above.) the lead commander tells him that they are being transferred to lake huron to put pressure on toronto in lieu of waterford’s capture and winslow going missing.

nick - hiding his shock at this news - carefully presses for more info. the lead commander doesn’t have anymore to say about waterford, but he laments the fact that this means he’s not going to get his weekend leave and that his daughter will be disappointed. his daughter’s name? agnes. that’s right, the big reveal of this scene is that nick is now working directly under commander mackenzie, and it is no coincidence. the scene ends on nick, “watching [mackenzie] walk away, wheels already turning.”

guys... this means NICK IS GOING AFTER HANNAH!

this must be what max was referring to when he said that everyone is in an interesting position for season 4 in this interview. so much for him being irrelevant to june’s story just because he’s a dude, i guess. 🤷‍♀️

there was also a whole bombing action sequence in this scene including fighter jets, it sounded very extra and VFX-intensive. nick and commander mackenzie are watching it all go down from a distance while they talk.

i can’t say for sure why these scenes were cut, but the producers served up 3 different sets of excuses, some of which don’t line up with what was written (e.g. “strictly june’s perspective” ...sure 🙄) so it’s safe to say that whatever led to them cutting these scenes out, we will probably never know for sure. but i do know they were filmed and the decision was made post-production, we have evidence of that.  

additional observations:

there is still no real explanation for why or how nick got promoted to commander, and i don’t think they ever will. it appears to me that it was just another contrived plot point so they have a reason to send a low-status driver into war.  

while i am glad they softened the extent of nick’s involvement in the coup, it also makes it harder to understand why he said he was “due” a promotion to commander when his contributions to gilead are so relatively insignificant. again, we may never know.  

there were several cut voiceovers of june praying to god throughout the season, and despite calling holly mainly by “nichole” in dialogue, she only referred to her as holly in her prayers. so her real name is still holly. i will die on this hill.  

commander mackenzie mentions to nick that the move has been hard on hannah but the script does not clarify where they have moved to. hannah and mrs. mackenzie are presumably far from the great lakes region because nick’s response is, “May God bring you home to her soon.”  

can we talk about how nick has an active plan for hannah? and how he never gave up on his promise from 2x03? and that while june has lost all hope of seeing her daughter again, she has no idea how close nick is? and that this is sounding a lot like one of my fics? hire me already bruce. these are things i think about A Lot  

lake huron means nick is going back home to MICHIGAN so rebel commander blaine is back on the menu boys  

nick in the script is - as always - a bit more rough and forward than what we see onscreen. max has a talent for softening nick’s interactions with june and showing respect with his body language, while maintaining the intensity between them. i also cannot praise enough how much he makes out of little to no script direction and minimal dialogue.  

that sweet, sweet vindication of confirming yet again that nick is worth a lot more than viewers (and june) give him credit for. i only hope his value in this story isn’t realized too late.  

(gif credit: @splitscreen​, @outlassed​ & me)

[tsthrace]

Once Upon a Time

Awhile back, I asked y’all to send me a song so I could take its energy, lyrics, and/or feeling and write you a 1,000-word Clexa fic.

This one shot is a VERY angsty take on Once Upon a Time by the Moody Blues, as requested by @cynic-and-a-saint​.

Lexa has betrayed Clarke. Clarke has gone into hiding. They can't stop thinking about each other. Not so much a one shot than a snapshot of all the things going on in their thoughts. Set in that sweet little gap between 2x16 and 3x01 where so many fab fics have been born.

You can also find it on ao3.

-----------------------------

There were moments when Clarke could rest in the beauty of this world. Moments when she opened the hatch of the bunker and the sun was peeking through the forest, lighting up the dew on the grass. Moments when chatting birds were all she could hear. Moments when she could feel the green and blue expanse of this world reaching far beyond the stupid conflicts of this particular place.

Moments when she could forget. Or remember. She wasn’t sure which she wanted more.

She remembered looking down on this planet from the Ark. She couldn’t see the destruction or the blood or the bullets. All she could see was everything at once and wonder how her people destroyed their miracle. She remembered when the drop ship landed, and she was sure she was about to die, but instead the planet was alive and endless.

Which is what she felt this day, her back against a tree as the sun spilled through the thick trees onto her face. She reached down for one of the blackberries in a pile on the ground next to her. She’d found a new cluster of the prickly bushes that morning and risked the pokes and scratches for the explosion of sweet and tart. She’d never tasted anything like them before she came to the ground. The Ark grew fruits and vegetables, yes, but they were stubborn and bland without natural sunlight and the secrets of seasoned soil to nourish them.

The first time she had tasted blackberries was in Ton DC. After Finn. Before…

In her mind, she lived a hundred lifetimes in that one night. A dozen times betrayed. A dozen times when she doesn’t pull the lever. A dozen times when Lexa stands fierce beside her. A dozen times when her life goes dark. A dozen times when the battle has ended, the celebrations have gone quiet, and they are together in the night.

Nothing happened. Everything happened.

Her sleep was haunted by images of children gasping for breath, their parents’ skin bubbling with radiation, an entire mountain dying. Her mind moved their pain and destruction to a city she’d never seen—children burning, men screaming, buildings tumbling, the flames closing in on their Commander whose eyes have finally gone fearful.

It was the least she deserved.

Clarke took a deep, jagged breath and picked up another blueberry. It tasted like a miracle. She was angry. Too angry. Move on. The voice in her head was harsh. She’s not worth it. She never has been. She shook her head. Every time, she waited for the flames to take Lexa, waited for her sash to catch and the shoulder piece to melt into her skin. But every time, she opened her eyes just as the flames licked at the Commander’s feet.

She never let Lexa burn.

---

“This has gotten out of control, Heda.” Titus paced back and forth across Lexa’s throne. “They’re calling her Wanheda.” He stopped and looked Lexa in the eyes. “She doesn’t deserve it.”

“Yes, she does,” Lexa said evenly. “We ran.” She looked down. “And she destroyed the Mountain.”

“You saved your people, Heda.” Titus squinted at her. “And she saved hers.”

Lexa wondered if he could see the worry in her eyes.

“She’s powerful, Lexa. Her legend grows. I’m told the Ice Queen searches for her as we speak. To take her power.”

Lexa wasn’t expecting how her heart skipped, but her face remained stone.

“Every moment she lives undermines your authority.”

Her head didn’t move, but her eyes darted like a blow in his direction. He wasn’t wrong.

She took in a slow breath, letting a thick silence settle over them. Finally, she let the breath out. “You’re right, teacher.” She saw the corner of his mouth lift just a millimeter. She knew him well enough to know that he thought he’d won. Lexa was careful not to let her face betray her own satisfaction. “We need to capture her, bring her to Polis.” She looked Titus in the eyes. “Quietly. And unharmed. I don’t want her weakened when I deal with her.”

“Yes, Heda.”

She saw the smile in his eyes as he bowed. He doesn’t know how well he trained me, she thought as she watched him stride out. Lexa waited until the sound of his feet disappeared down the hall.

“Give me the room,” she said to the guards. They nodded silently as they swung the doors closed behind them. When she heard them click shut, she let her body slump into the chair, her head resting against one of the branches that made up its back. After a moment, she stood up, pushed in the clasp of her shoulder piece, and let it fall with her sash into a red puddle onto the floor.

She let out a long breath and closed her eyes—which was always a mistake. She saw Clarke’s face whenever she let her eyes close. Torchlight. The edge of a battle. The Mountain. The weight of disappointment in those blue eyes wouldn’t let go of her. More sadness than anger, which made it almost unbearable.

Most nights, Lexa was barely sleeping.

She replayed the scene in her head over and over, cringing whenever she heard herself say, “I made this decision with my head and not my heart.” It was a lie. Worse, it was a lie she had convinced herself was true, at least at the time.

The truth was, Lexa couldn’t forget the moment she had risked everything she had built, everything she had become, in order to be close to Clarke. Her impenetrable strength. Her ruthless decisiveness. She set that all down when she pulled Clarke towards her and kissed her.

And Clarke had pulled away.

It stung. It stayed with her. It was with her at the Mountain. It was with her when she was given a choice. Her people or Clarke’s. She meant for her head to guide her, but when Clarke was nearby, there was no getting her heart out of the way. And her heart had been hurt.

Lexa bit her lip and shook her head hard. That’s not why I did it, she told herself over and over again. But the truth was, she didn’t know. She could never be sure. But the Commander had to be sure.

She rubbed her eyes and picked up her shoulder piece.

The truth was, Clarke made her vulnerable. And the truth was, sometimes Lexa wanted to be vulnerable.

---

Clarke rubbed her stomach. Too many blackberries. She smiled. It was worth it.

Her head spun as she heard a rustle behind her. She peeked around the tree and saw a squirrel digging in the leaves. She let out a breath she didn’t realize she was holding. She knew Bellamy and her mother would be looking for her. Niylah had mentioned Azgeda hunting parties creeping across Trikru land. Clarke stood up and rubbed her eyes. She should get back to the bunker. Everyone was searching for her. Except…

Thoughts tumbled through her mind without permission. Was I just a pawn? Did she ever care? She shook her head hard, berating herself. Let her go.

That night instead of fire she dreamed of the door. The armies ready to launch. Warriors straining and the door cracking open. The world halting with one word from the Commander. Emerson’s smirk. Lexa’s eyes in the torchlight.

Forgive me, she pleaded with her. Please.

She woke up in the pitch black of the bunker. She took a few heavy breaths in the dark then turned onto her side. Her pillow was wet where she had been crying. Her jaw clenched hard as she reached up to run her fingers over the wet cloth.

She said we would fight together. She said she trusted me. She said we would get our people back. Clarke’s jaw ached, and she noticed she hadn’t taken a breath. She closed her eyes, though it was all the same in the darkness of the bunker. I only asked for what my people needed. Not anything else. She leaned into me. She kissed me. I didn’t ask for that.

I didn’t ask for you.

More tears spilled down her face, and every tear brought a flash of anger so sharp she could feel it cutting into the lead floor of the bunker and drawing her into the dirt below.

I didn’t ask for you. The thought washed out like waves on a beach and then came back again changed and real and true: Come find me. The rhythm pulsed through her—the heat of anger then the blank emptiness of a longing she couldn’t exile. I didn’t ask for you. Come find me. Out and back again. Over and over.

Her jaw let go as her breath followed the rhythm. Finally, she drifted off into a black sleep.

Clarke woke up twelve hours later thirsty and with a sharp headache. She checked her supplies for the dried ginger turmeric tea that Niylah had given her for pain. One cup left, and enough dried meat for just another day or two.

She would need to visit the trading post again. But first, she needed to hunt.