#i wish ellie had gone on some sort of a journey that led her to knowing she always mattered just as joel knew

[aeirithgainsborough]

imagine if part 2 had been about ellie learning her life DOES matter, regardless of her immunity, and that’s why joel saved her and then lied to her about it. yes, there was selfishness in it, but there was also selflessness in it. it’s so rare to get one without the other. he cared for her he loved her of course he didn’t want her to die! but think about the things he says to her, after the giraffe scene, that she doesn’t have to do this and how she reveals the burden on her shoulders - that it all has to matter. that’s so much for a kid and it should never have been on her.

think about when he tells her you have to find something to survive for at the end, when she’s grappling with survivors guilt when it was never on her that people died and it certainly wasn’t on her to save the world. think about when he tells her that if he had a second chance at that moment, he’d do it all over again. like really think about it. that moment led to their estrangement. it led to her telling him they were done. he has to see her from afar living her life. but that’s the point. she lives a life. she grows up safe. she has friends. she’s happy. and despite the pain of losing another daughter, he’d do it all again, the heartache and the pain, because she got to live a life. the lie was for them both. he wanted to keep her in his life but he also wanted to lift the weight of the world off her shoulders, the burden she felt that at 14 years old she had to save the world or her life wouldn’t matter.

but her life always mattered. this special, funny, loving, determined, fighter of a girl always mattered just for her. ellie’s life was worth something and not just because she’s immune. joel saw that in their year of travelling together. and he made a choice and told a lie because he saw that. because she deserved to live. i just wish we’d got her realising it too in part 2, instead of what we did get. she deserved better. she deserved that rather than ending up alone and still feeling like her life lacked any meaning because she didn’t die to save the world.

[vicarfelix]

Honest Intentions

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Vicar Max x Fem. Reader

Warnings: Language. Smut.

A/N: GOD okay so I wrote this awhile ago and I cannot write smut to save my life. I suck so bad at it, I can’t ever seem to make it long enough, but this was so angsty good that I just couldn’t not post it.

Word Count: 2,155

“The question is, after all this, do you still trust me?”

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If she had been in a cartoon, she was sure there would have been a gray, swirling cloud above her head to display her irritation. She couldn’t believe that he had lied to her. A lie. A betrayal of truth. A fib. A dishonest statement. And for what? Just to ensure his chances of her taking him to see some scholar that he didn’t even like? What was the point of that?

She never expected respect from her crew. She didn’t expect it from anybody. However, when she had earned the respect from someone, she expected full honesty in return. This was a total blow to her respect as a captain and trust as a girlfriend. She was unbelievably angry at him, confused even as of to why he wasn’t upfront about his desires. Truthfully, she was really hurt.

Max had lied in order to get her to take him to see Reginald. A former colleague of sorts of his that he needed to see to have his book translated from French. It wasn’t until they found Reginald that it became clear as of to how they even ended up there. Max claimed he couldn’t risk her not bringing him there to find him. He immediately sensed that she was upset. She had every right to be. The sickness in his stomach as a result of the guilt was a testament of that. She had convinced him to leave Reginald Chaney in one piece, refusing to let him lay a finger on him. They got what they needed out of him and left.

The silent trek back to the ship was seemingly everlasting. Her footsteps were heavy on the grounds of the Monarch wilderness as they returned back from Fallbrook. She needed some time to calm down and cool off before speaking to anyone. She was of no use to anybody being this upset. Last thing she wanted was to take her anger out of someone who didn’t deserve it. Max followed a bit further behind than usual, giving her as much space as possible without getting separated. No one said a word on the journey back to The Unreliable. Even Ellie didn’t even try to poke fun at the vicar who would be sleeping in his own quarters for now. It wasn't Max's reaction she was afraid of. It was the captain's.

They finally arrived at the ship long after nightfall, stars dotting the dark night sky. They would be spending the evening in route to Groundbreaker to get supplies and other materials in the morning. She entered the ship first, ADA greeting the returning space adventurers as always.

“Welcome back, Captain.”

She usually smiled in relief upon hearing her voice that signaled a safe return, but she was in no smiling mood. Everybody else had gone to their bunks for the night, which prompted Ellie to go as well. That left the captain and Max in the bay of the ship. The only sounds were the clanks and tinkers as she put away her belongings into the lockers. She couldn’t look at him. She was afraid that she just might lose it. He came up next to her, his voice low and quiet;

“Captain, I-”

“I don’t want to talk.”

He sighed. He wasn’t surprised at her response. He couldn’t figure out if she was speaking to him as his boss or his girlfriend...or both. She whisked away from the lockers and headed to the stairs leading up to her quarters. She just wanted to be alone for a little while and give this some serious thought. She planned on discussing everything with him in the morning. However she realized this was an impossible wish when he followed suit, desperate to get his message across to her;

“If nothing else, please know that I am sorry,” He pleaded, entering after his lover into her room; “I’m aware that I have put a lot of unnecessary stress on you today.”

She scoffed and shook her head incredulously. He didn’t seem to understand how the trust she had put in him had been seriously violated. That’s what made her more upset than anything. It was clear that he wasn’t leaving until this issue was resolved. So, she went off.

“You lied to me, Max. For personal gain,” she hissed; “I don’t like being lied to you.”

She was leaning against the frame of her bed, arms folded over her chest as Max was leaning against her desk. Her demeanor was tense and cold...not a pretty sight to see.

“I know. If it’s any consolation, I lied before I began to care for you...before I loved you. It wasn’t an attempt to break your faith in me.” He admitted.

A surge of energy went to her head, her cheeks heating with rage;

“That doesn’t make it any better. So, you didn’t lie to me as your lover? Fine. You still lied to me as your captain,” She snarled; “At the end of the day, Max, I am still your captain.”

He didn’t want to fight with her He didn’t want her to be angry at him. All he could do was continue to express his apology and hope she'd forgive him. He wasn’t lying when he said he cared about her. About how he loved her. The two of them had each said it once before, so she had to admit it made her heart beat a little faster hearing him say it again.

With this being said, he still had a rampant temper. Regardless of any situation, he didn’t like being talked to this way. He got defensive when others used an unpleasant tone with him. His pleading for forgiveness was beginning to mix with a sear of anger bubbling up in him.

“You are my captain, you will never witness me denying that. I don’t know what you wish for me to do other than tell you, honestly, that I’m sorry.” He replied, his voice getting rather scary; “But might I add that you weren’t so fucking honest at first either.”

All the blood in her body seemed to rush to her face and rapidly back down to her feet. She knew what he was talking about. The fact that the crew went months thinking she was actually Alex Hawthorne when she actually wasn’t. She hadn’t been upfront in the beginning and had lied about her identity. She would always feel a sense of culpability for that.

“I know that. I know that I didn’t tell anyone who I really was, but that was for the sake of my safety as well as everyone else’s. I lied because I had to,” She spat; “You lied for personal reasons. You lied to intentionally distress me and deceive me into doing something for you.”

He rolled his eyes dramatically and the veins in his arms were prevalent as he gripped the edge of the desk. He now felt like she was blowing this out of proportion.

“I wasn’t intentionally trying to hurt you. I would never do that,” He responded; “I lied because I didn’t think you’d take me all over Halcyon just to find some man that might have the answers I was looking for.”

She rubbed her temples with her fingers, feeling as if this conversation was going absolutely nowhere;

“That’s another thing,” She fired off; “What’s going to happen when we get to Scylla and the book gets translated? Will I no longer be of any use to you? Is this going to be over once you find what you're looking for?"

In an instant, his anger lifted and his heart seemed to stop at her words. She watched as a normal color returned to his face. His narrowed eyes and furrowed brows morphing into a softer, borderline concerned look. He stood from the desk and took the half step down from the desk to where she was standing. If there was one thing Vicar Max would never do, it would be that he would never lie about the way he felt about someone.

“Captain, darling, I wouldn’t ever lead you on that way. For any reason whatsoever.” He breathed out gently.

His sudden change in expression ultimately calmed her down as well. She sighed heavily as her judgement cleared. She knew why he really had lied. It wasn't to upset anyone. He had spent his whole life taking roads trying to find answers that ultimately led to a dead end. He was frustrated and disappointed. She could relate to that.

“I just want you to trust me. I want to trust you,” You admitted; “I would’ve taken you to him regardless of who he was. You didn’t have to lie.”

His hands cupped her face, she instinctively cocked her head to further rest her face in his hold.

“I trust you. I always have. I never intended for you to doubt how I feel, because I have been nothing but honest about it. I care about you and I love you.” He confessed; “The question is, after all this, do you still trust me?”

She did. 100% she trusted him. It would probably take a hell of a lot more than him lying about some sketchy prison dude to completely break her faith in him. However, she felt her devious side begin to bubble to the surface. She could totally use this situation to her advantage. Maybe she could get a little bit of a rise out of him in a positive way.

“I don’t know,” She said in an overly teasing tone; “I think a certain vicar is going to have to redeem himself somehow...”

His pupils dilated and his hands that had been by his sides were now slowly fumbling with the button and zipper on her pants.

“Is that so?” He purred in his captain’s ear; “I think I’ve got some ideas.”

In a matter of seconds, she was sprawled on the bed, pants discarded, and his kisses were hot on her neck. She moaned deliciously as his right middle and ring finger dragged across her heating sex, his left hand pinning her arms above her head

“Max...” She breathed out.

Oh, he loved when she said his name. It sent a fiery sensation all through his body. His strong, independent captain begging for him and only him. He was the only person who ever got to see her this way. She managed to break one of her hands free, reaching to unbuckle his own pants. However, he withdrew his hand and stopped her;

“This is all about you, Captain.” He growled.

His lips detached from her skin, he let go of her other arm as well and placed him face just in front of her. Her legs were draped over his shoulders as his tongue licked a heavy stripe and her desperate whimper filled the room. He sucked and kissed as one of her hands was steady on his head to prohibit him from going too far, while the other was pressed against the headboard behind her. It felt like electricity was crackling all through her body as he mercilessly pleasured her.

“Oh, fuck...you’ve got quite the mouth for a preacher,” She tried to laugh, but it came out as another moan.

Obviously this wasn't the first time she had ever been in this situation with him. But it still surprised her every time.

His chuckle vibrated against you, his voice muffled slightly;

“You better fucking believe it.”

He knew her backwards and forwards, which why he put his arm over her waist to keep her from squirming too much. He smirked as he felt her muscles contract against his hold. It was a damn hot sight to see. His face buried between her legs, his tongue and lips working wonders on the woman he adored so much. Normally, he’d hold off on letting her come undone. He’d slow his movements to tantalize her and make her beg. But she deserved what she wanted after today.

“Max, please...” She said feeling her legs begin to shake.

“I’ve got you, love.” He spoke.

Her head fell back onto the pillow as a flash of white covered her vision. Her legs tightened on his shoulders as she crashed over her high. He continued to suck her and work her through it. His name fell from her lips once more as she felt yourself settling back to normal. He grinned once her breathing attempted to slow, he returned to her side. She supposed that she owed him now, but that’d come later.

“Okay, yeah. I forgive you.” She huffed out once her heart slowed.

He laughed genuinely, falling onto the mattress and pulling her close. He was relieved that she was here with him now and that she hadn’t kicked him off her ship. He knew one thing for sure.

He would never lie to her again.