#i wonder if this was just an nz thing or if aus did it too

[blackberryjambaby]

just remembered the absolutely devastating comeback of "lez be honest" that people used in primary school to call each other lesbians

[lordeemailarchive]

OUR SUN SETS — tour reflections edition

(28/03/2023) (Solar Institute Bulletin No. 21) (From Auckland)

She emerges! by Aleks Zaric

Hello darling friend, Whoaaaaah it’s been a minute since I wrote. Something died inside my laptop, and I’ve been putting off the repair for a few months (stubborn refusal to form a relationship with another bit of tech?), but the realisation that I was actively not doing my job due to not having one made me bite the bullet. How have you been??? Last time we spoke I was in South America, just about to turn twenty six, at the tail end of a big year of shows. Got off the plane in New Zealand and torpedoed straight into bed with a fevery cold, emerged a week later into the chaos of December, typically the start of the beautiful summer days here, instead that of several months of storms and humid rain. I wrote this, back then: “I’m playing this song my brother showed me, Mariella, over and over. It sounds like how I feel these days, soft with some pain, the voice of someone who’s touched a lot of beautiful things. This year has wrung me out. I’m a rag. I’m the t-shirts and underwear I hand-washed in so many hotel sinks. Christmas is a tall wave and I haven’t bought anyone gifts.” Always amused by the drama of the past self! Had some lush swims between the storms, cooked a lot of fish, set off on the Aus/NZ tour feeling relaxed and unwound.

Off grid bb.

A couple days ago, we played the last official sundial-and-eight-band-members show for Solar Power, the last of 70 shows in 20 countries (!!). I feel actual pride in myself, something that’s extremely hard for me to let myself feel, not just for completing it but for loving it, relaxing into it, feeling really open and free and not tight and fearful like tours past. I want to thank you for your part. I’ve always felt that pop music is a collaboration between artist and audience, that a pop song isn’t truly finished until listeners add their voices to it, and I think the same goes for your participation in the show. You show up and you sing every word, and all of our voices is what we all hear. At this stage in the piece I feel there are no casual fans, just people singing extremely loudly and clearly for 100+ minutes, and the commitment and generosity of this is not lost on me. The final show in Perth was an encapsulation of how special and right this tour has felt. We played at a beautiful grass and stone amphitheatre outside the city. I cried at soundcheck thanking the crew, overwhelmed by the love and care behind this group of people working so hard to get it right for me. At showtime the stars were clear and you could smell eucalyptus mixing with the smoke machine. We did the show for the last time looking over at one another and smiling, savouring all the last times we’d do things. I took my place for Royals and in the first flash of white light I saw a silk thread. In the next flash I followed the thread down to find a thick black spider, maybe an inch and a half long, two feet away from my eyes. I gasped and drew the microphone towards me, watched it slowly travel all the way back up the truss. Some kind of special omen.

Touring this record changed how I heard and saw the album — I wonder if you felt this too? — showed me that a work is constantly shifting and in progress, the definition changing all the time. Looking back yesterday at some of your pictures from the show, sourced by the very dedicated and special twitter account Lorde_fix, I realised that you give me the opportunity to see myself in states of power, glory, grace, sides of myself I don’t think I’d be able to access or see as clearly if not for these nights together. 

Your pix I loveeeeee <333

I said onstage that night that making and touring this album has set so much right inside me, I truly think it’s bought me decades in this bizzzzniz, can’t wait to show you what I mean. I finish this chapter feeling for the first time not like I need to get away from the world but like I want to get deeper inside it, more countries, more flavours, more life. Thank you, thank you, thank you. Here’s a little Aus tour diary, by Aleks Zaric:

Moments after coming offstage in Perth

Levitating!

Makeup removal, and a scenario with MUNA that I cannot fucking explain -so special to have them join us on this run

11:52pm: standing on the stage in Sydney after you all went home.

So. Where to now? [REDACTED] I guess I’m not telling, not for a while. I’ll send you an update from time to time though, now that the laptop’s back online. Special books I’ve read recently: Notes by Eleanor Coppola My Phantoms by Gwendoline Riley Getting Lost by Annie Ernaux Second Place by Rachel Cusk Life’s Work by David Milch Dinner With Lenny by Jonathan Cott Books I’ve ordered: Love Me Tender - Constance Debre The Nature Book - Tom Comitta Small Fires - Rebecca May Johnson Animal Joy - Nuar Alsadir Alma Mahler’s diaries The People’s Hospital - Ricardo Nuila Idra Novey - Take What You Need Gwendoline Riley - First Love Jenny Odell - Saving Time

Oh, I had a party in December and made a really nice punch based off a post I saw from Stissing House. I’m copying the loose/made-up recipe here, give it a try if you like! 1 cup gin 1/2 cup chartreuse 1 1/2 cup green tea 1/2 cup pineapple 3 cups soda water 1/2 cup citrus (lemon/grapefruit/lime) Lots of fresh mint Topped up with extra citrus as the night went on.

Leaving you with a beautiful bit of fan art, basically how I envisioned the SP universe, a fitting way to say — for the last time — serve the bees… wear sunscreen… thank you and goodniiiiiiiiight! I love you so much. Speak soon, from somewhere, E

PS. BONUS SECRET CONTENT::: The pillow I commissioned from Bode for my dressing room before the tour started, feat. all the things that make me feel calm — grapefruit fruju, hibiscus, kissing, Pearl, books, bud.

(source: received this email)

[girard]

I had a weird dream about going to Punkspring to see MCR (I have tickets already) and rather than an encore, they decided to just serve extremely fancy ramen to everyone at barrier and the only thing I said to Gerard was "Dang, that ramen is fancy. Can you hold it like that so I can take a picture?" (To his credit, Dream Gerard was cool about it and everyone else waited patiently for their MCR soup.)

And I'm telling you about this dream even though we've never interacted since the last thing I saw before conking out last night was the stats you'd reblogged for the US/EU tour and also I've been wondering about whether Punkspring counts as part of the tour since it's not on the MCR tour page and for some reason this question makes me anxious because what does it mean if it isn't part of the tour??? and so it's kinda your fault (but also mostly my own brain's).

i love to have dreams about mcr i need to have more dreams about mcr. BUT REGARDING PUNKSPRING YES I CONSIDER IT PART OF THE TOUR. i wouldnt worry about it not being on the website yet because theyve shared it on social media and all. i dont know how the spring shows are going to look in comparison to the eu/us legs, esp because la did feel like a finale of sorts, but ultimately aus/nz/japan were all a part of the original show lineups from pre-pandemic its only by a series of unfortunate events that theyre not happening until march 2023. so yes i consider all of that to still be a leg of this tour! personally i am hoping they dont change too much between now and march if i get to new zealand and theres no static i could easily get so scared that i pass out

[tracybirds]

Don’t talk to me about timelines XD lockdown 3.0 was an unpleasant surprise but it did give me some fun fodder to play with. Missing from this were the stream of Valentines to Covid that spread around my section of NZ social media XD I was tempted to make Scott write some, but alas it didn’t fit. Obviously plenty has been fudged, it’s definitely not meant to be taken too seriously and more allows me to collect together some of the mixed emotions of getting a five hour countdown to lockdown D: That was not fun lol like far out, and we had to prepped for remote learning by 9am the next day. Scott is not allowed to complain further in his swanky apartment and no job XDD

In all seriousness, this is Scott’s story for FabFiveFeb2021, hosted by the ever lovely @gumnut-logic (Happy Birthday! still the right day in Aus, I didn’t miss it right :0 either way *hugs*** and I hope it was a nice day :DD)

Prompt used was “Are you kidding?” - it really resonated on Sunday evening ahaha (okay I will stop rambling in my defense it’s post midnight and I have feverishly pummelled this out in a couple of hours, it had been itching at me all day.... I missed that feeling :DDD)

----------------------

Scott was International Rescue through and through, but in the murky waters of the central business district, he thrived.

It was a closed meeting, stretching into the long shadowy hours of the evening. Legal advisors quibbled over clauses while Scott exchanged pleasantries with the company representatives, talking up his local ties to New Zealand’s City of Sails.

“My Dad taught me to sail, right out there in the harbour, you know.”

A casual remark but carefully designed to make himself seem approachable and down-to-earth, just another “one of the guys”. His associate had also sailed once, a national representative in his youth, although time and his new habit of lunch meetings had left those days long in the past.

Personal connections made more money than the lawyers in the background ever could, and Scott prided himself on the homegrown touch.

“Mine too,” said the jovial, middle aged man. “Although I reckon it wasn’t near as pretty a yacht as yours. I’ve read up on you as well, you know.”

Scott laughed, clapping the man on the shoulder.

“Len, I knew we’d get on. What do you say to dinner? This has been going on for far too long.”

“I know a great place that keeps a table reserved for me. Even on Valentine’s.”

“I’m flattered.” He nodded to Van Zyl briefly before addressing the small crowd.

“Ladies, gentlemen. You’ve done some good work, and it’s been a long one. We’ll leave it here for the night and reconfer in the morning.”

He acknowledged the tired smiles and leaned back and listened as the chatter evolved from the dry intricacies of patent law into cheery conversation of dinner plans and family time ahead.

He turned and looked out at the city, lights starting to turn on in the early evening light. The sun wouldn’t set for another half hour or so and he wanted to make the most of what they had left in the day.

So did the rest of the Auckland population it seemed. Cars were flooding into the area, people starting to stream into office buildings.

“So, Federal Street?”

“Len, what’s going on down there?” he asked, jabbing a finger down at the street below.

“Sorry?”

He and Len watched, dumbfounded as the office buildings lit up one by one, lights turning on and off again mere minutes later.

“Mr Tracy! Mr Van Zyl!”

“Charlotte, what is it? What’s happening?”

“Oh, Scott, I mean, Mr Tracy, sorry sir.”

“Charlotte. Take a breath,” commanded Scott, letting the authority of Thunderbird One bleed into his voice. “Tell us what’s happened.”

Charlotte shook her head, her hand creeping up over her mouth. She handed him her tablet.

“It’s a civil defence lockdown, effective midnight.”

A cold dread crept up Scott’s spine.

“Tonight?!”

Len pulled out a comm beside him and started dialling. The person on the other end picked up at the first ring, and dimly Scott could hear her calm, measured voice transmitted through the device.

“Can I help?” he asked, still staring at the stark words on the page.

“I… uh... help? Sir?”

“With the civil defence response, with the company, I don’t know!” He looked up, desperation in his eyes. “What can I do to help?”

Charlotte shook her head, pressing her lips together tightly.

“Mr Tracy, we have an isolation response in place, at your father’s request. Leave the board to organise the company, you need to get home and…”

“No.”

Charlotte’s voice pitched up a near octave.

“Sir, I must insist…”

“There are lockdown protocols on the island as well,” snapped Scott. “I can’t just go home, risk my family, my Grandma.”

She shook her head again.

“You can’t help here. They’ve done it before. It’s Level Three, people will be able to collect gear tomorrow if needed, we’re set up for remote offices and the last thing people need is you dilly-dallying in the top office.”

A loud shrieking alarm pierced through her final words and Scott flinched at the sound.

Len yelped next to him, dropping his comm with a curse.

“Damn emergency alerts, don’t they know the whole country has heard by now? Why do they just SHUT UP!” he bellowed at the still beeping comm. “It’s so unnecessary, the first time we went under, I thought we were about to evacuate for a volcanic eruption. Staying home, it’s hardly an emergency.”

Charlotte did little to hide her scorn, but Scott smothered a smile as he read through the full message.

“Okay, fine,” he said at last. “I can bunker down at the apartment for a few days.”

“Weeks, I’d be prepping for,” interrupted Len. “Hard to say of course, but they keep extending them.”

“You know why we do it,” said Charlotte, coolly.

He shrugged. “Doesn’t mean I have to pretend it’s a holiday like everyone else seems to do.”

“Well, there never was any rest for the wicked, they say,” quipped Scott.

Len barked a sudden laugh.

“You’re alright, Tracy. Shame about how this ended, I’d have liked a bite with you.”

“Well, there’s always next time. Maybe we’ll find time for a shared celebration after all this.”

“My treat, Tracy, my treat,” he said with a chuckle. “Take care now.”

Scott nodded a farewell and turned back to Charlotte.

“You’re going to be fine?”

“I’ll go stay with my Mum,” she said, easily. “She doesn’t like to be in her house alone, and I can’t say I blame her. Holotech’s just not the same as being there, you know?”

“I certainly do,” said Scott, thinking of his brothers, hundreds of kilometres away. “Thank you, Charlotte, I’ll be seeing you.”

“Good luck, Scott.”

***

The downtown apartment was a mere fifteen minute walk from Tracy Tower, but with Charlotte’s words echoing in the back of his mind, the thought of potentially weeks stuck in an incredibly well furnished, yet incredibly unstocked apartment plaguing him, he opted to swing past the local supermarket. Located at the heart of the city, it was never quiet at the best of times but this was unlike anything Scott had ever seen.

The tension in the packed shop was thick as the throng that filled it. Over half the customers were already wearing masks, glaring suspiciously at those who had gone without and Scott self-consciously tugged his rain jacket higher.

Essentials, he thought wildly, just eggs and milk and bread and….

There was no bread. No flour either and the confectionary aisle was already looking sparse. He grabbed a few chocolate bars and threw them in the basket.

“Excuse me,” he said, waving down a frantic and wild-eyed shop assistant. “Do you have any bread out back?”

“No way man, haven’t you heard? Lockdown hits in like three hours, people are going mental.”

“But I don’t have any food at home, I was meant to be flying back tomorrow morning.”

The shop assistant, Ariki as his name badge proclaimed him, grimaced in sympathy.

“That’s hard luck that is. You don’t live in Auckland?”

“No, I don’t. But I won’t be able to get home now either.”

He nodded, like he’d heard it before.

“You’re thinking this is like last year, aren’t you?”

“I, uh, yes.”

“Right,” said Ariki, still nodding along with him. “Right, well it’s not quite the same so don’t stress out. Look, you can still get takeaways this time, we’ll be restocked tomorrow and all the real crazies–” he nodded towards a pair who were arguing over what looked like the last can of baked beans, “–yeah, they’ll be tucked up at home, refusing to take a step outside, it’ll be sweet as.”

Scott stared at him, then looked over at the line snaking through the frozen food aisle, between the meat and dairy and coiling up in the sad looking and so-called fresh produce.

The two chocolate bars and eggs he’s managed to grab hardly seemed worth it at all.

“I can put those back if you want.”

“Yeah,” said Scott, dazedly. “Yeah, thanks that’s be great.”

Ariki smirked a little.

“We’re reopening at seven, yeah? I’ll see you then.”

“Thanks again,” called Scott as he hurried from the shop.

The rain that had been threatening its arrival all weekend was starting to appear, and Scott hurried home, ducking his head down and shoving his hands in his pockets. He knew there’d be enough food for at least his dinner tonight and Ariki was right, he could sort the rest in the morning.

A swipe of his keycard, and he shut out the world with a muffled slam of the door and a sigh.

He shucked off his rain jacket, not bothering to hang it up, and trudged into the kitchen. It wasn’t like there’d be anyone around to complain for a while and he was starving. Lunch, the little afternoon tea nibbles they’d provided, even his last coffee felt like it had been drunken in another life.

Dinner, then finally he’d call home.

He didn’t doubt they already knew what was happening, was probably wondering why he hadn’t called, but none of them had even been swept up in the chaos of lockdown preparations.

He stared blankly in front of the fridge, the cold, bluish light illuminating him in the dark room. The sun had fully set by now, and the last vestiges of twilight had given way to the true, deep night with the onset of rainfall.

His carefully defrosting steak wasn’t on the shelf, and he looked around him in confusion, wondering if he’d accidentally left the meat out on the bench. He was hungry enough that he didn’t think he’d care and his stomach was well practiced at digesting the indigestible, bug and all.

On the kitchen counter was a neat pile: a plate, used utensils and cooking equipment all stacked together, waiting to be washed.

Scott blinked.

“Oh, hey, Scott,” called Gordon’s cheerful voice from behind him.

Scott whirled around, gaping at his younger brother, suddenly in their New Zealand apartment and not where he ought to have been – namely a thousand odd kilometres north east of the kitchen they were standing in.

“Are you kidding me?”

“What?”

“You,” Scott shouted, jabbing a finger towards Gordon. “You ate my dinner!”

“Oh, crap.”

Gordon bolted a split second before Scott charged at him, yelling wildly with all his might.

“Scott, I’m sorry, it was – shit, I mean – come on, it was past nine, I thought you’d been out, and I, oh damn, I, Scott, damn it, I’m not dressed.”

“I don’t care, you ate my food, have you seen the grocery stores? It’s absolute chaos, you traitor, you can go out and get me something, put some pants on and move.”

Gordon yelped as he dove over the couch.

“Okay, I can see there’s been some errors in judgement here,” said Gordon, panting. “I’m sorry, Scott, I really am.”

Scott glared.

“Not good enough.” He paused, eyeing Gordon as he cowered behind the sofa. “What are you even doing here?”

“Uh, excuse me?”

“Here. What are you doing in Auckland?”

“Happy birthday to me too, love you bro, congrats on surviving another year.”

“You came to Auckland for your birthday?”

“Yeah.” Gordon sat up cautiously. “Couldn’t exactly see Penny, and it’s not like there’s many other places that will let us in.”

“I thought we counted as a US territory.”

“John cleared it with someone, I don’t know.” He shrugged. “Didn’t want to be stuck at home for my birthday. And look how that turned out.”

He did look extraordinarily sorry for himself.

Scott sighed, and reached out a hand.

“Go get some damn pants on,” he grumbled. “And go look for Virgil’s emergency snacks, I know he stores them everywhere.”

“Yeah, okay.”

“I mean it, don’t you dare come back unless you bring me food.”

Gordon snorted.

“Sure, wouldn’t want to provoke the wrath of a starving Scooter.”

Scott jerked his body towards Gordon, and smirked as he bolted up the stairs towards the bedrooms, before sinking down into the cushions and closing his eyes.

The comm beeped gently, a stark contrast from the blaring alert from earlier.

“Hey,” he said, opening an eye as Virgil was projected in front of him.

“Tell me you’re not–”

“Oh, I am.”

“Gordon too?”

“Yep.”

“Damn.”

“Tell me about it.”

They were both quiet for few seconds, thinking about how rapidly the world had seemed to shift around them.

“I suppose it’s only for a few days,” began Virgil, but Scott was already shaking his head.

“We gotta do the full two weeks. After that, we ought to be able to clear an exit with the harbourmaster and the coast guard, even if it’s not over, but we can’t come back earlier. The only reason we could move freely before without our helmets is because–”

“Preaching to the choir, Scott. I get it.”

“You gonna be alright without us?”

Virgil shrugged. “Rescues are down what with more people staying at home. Alan and I can handle the small change, and Kayo’s been itching for some POD practice recently. We’ll manage. Besides, you’re the one stuck with Gordon.”

“Hey!”

“Food,” growled Scott and Gordon threw a muesli bar and a tube of M&Ms at him.

“Is that mine?”

“Gordon ate my dinner and the shops were out of everything,” grumbled Scott. “Blame him.”

“It’s my birthday, I don’t deserve this.”

“Cry me a river.”

“Alright, don’t kill each other before the two weeks is up. John’s already organised a betting pool, don’t give him the satisfaction of winning again, he’ll be insufferable.”

“Oh, he’s on,” said Gordon, grinning. “Tell him I put fifty bucks on Scott tipping me out of bed or off the couch by the end of the week.”

“Got it.”

“You can’t bet against us,” said Scott, mumbling around the chocolate. “I thought you were on my side.”

“You tried to murder me over a steak.”

“The jury would have never convicted.”

“Okay, I can see you two are going to have a fun time,” said Virgil, loudly over their bickering. “See you in two weeks.”

He didn’t wait for a response. After all, two weeks was a smidge outside even his patience.

[jadelotusflower]

June 2021 Roundup

It's been a month of highs and lows. Every year my city holds a cabaret festival, and I've seen some truly amazing acts over the years - including Lea Salonga, Kristin Chenoweth, and Indina Menzel. This year's Artistic Director was the great Alan Cumming, and although due to covid he didn't quite get to curate the program he wanted to, the opening night Gala was still a highlight, as was Alan's DJ set at the pop-up Club Cumming afterwards, where there was much singing at the top of my lungs and dancing to pop anthems and theatre tunes. At one point Alan, dressed in a onesie and perched on the shoulders of a man wearing only sparkly short shorts, was carried around the dance floor while Circle of Life blared. Reader, I was delighted.

I was also able to see his solo show Alan Cumming Is Not Acting His Age, which was hilarious and damn, he can sing!

As for the low, I was meant to fly to Sydney for the weekend to see Hamilton, a trip I have been looking forward to for almost a year, but had to be cancelled because of a covid outbreak and border closures. The tickets have been rescheduled, but I'm still kind of bummed about it (while completely appreciating the need for covid safety, especially when our vaccine rollout has been completely botched by our incompetent, corrupt federal government)

Anyway.

Reading

The Hundred and One Dalmations (Dodie Smith) - With all the bewilderment over Disney's Cruella, I decided to revisit the original novel which I first read as a kid. It's funny, I had very vivid memories of this book, or rather thought I did, particularly the scene where Roger and Anita have dinner at Cruella's house that fixed in my young mind as utterly disturbing with all this devil imagery and the implication Cruella was literally some kind of demon, which must have been either a) my overactive imagination or b) an illustration, because it's not as clear as I thought it was. The strangeness is there (food with too much pepper, Cruella's inability to keep warm, the walls painted blood red) but not the explicit demon imagery I had remembered. There is a part later in the book recounting the history of Hell Hall and the rumors of Cruella's ancestor streaking out of the place conjuring blue lightening, but clearly child me was reading far more into the book than was on the page.

But I still wish they'd gone with this version of Cruella's backstory, because to me an aristocratic, ink-drinking, heat-obsessed, possibly-demon spawn, high camp villain is more interesting and rings far more true than plucky punk against the establishment.

Smith clearly had Facts About Dalmations to share, and she does really craft a wonderful animal-based story that the Disney animated film is largely faithful to. Key differences include: Roger's occupation (he doesn't have to pay tax because he wiped out government debt somehow?!?), Pongo's mate and the puppy's mother is called Missis, Perdita is another dalmation who acts as a kind of doggie wet nurse, Roger and Anita both have Nannies who come to live with them (Nanny Butler and Nanny Cook), Cruella is married to a furrier (who changed his last name to de Vil). Also odd, on her first description Cruella is described as having "dark skin" but later in the novel her "white face" is mentioned, so I'm chalking it up to 50's descriptors not having the same meanings they do today.

The Duke and I (Julia Quinn) - After being just whelmed by the tv series, I wasn't really planning on reading the books, but I saw this on the top picks shelf at the library and damn, the top picks shelf is irresistible. This is very much Daphne's book (and I had known each in the series dealt with the different sibling) so many of the characters and much of the plot of the show is absent, as are some of the more baffling elements of the show like the Diamond of the First Water nonsense, which I always thought was a strange character choice in that it stacks the deck for Daphne when her character arc is better served as somewhat of an underdog (in her third season, the kind of girl who is liked but not adored), and the Prince subplot which was always far too OTT even for soapy regency romance.

It's a breezy, fun read (that scene excepted), even if the misunderstandings are contrived and I'm never going to take "I'll never have kids because I hate my dad" as a credible romantic obstacle deserving of so much angst.

Faeries (Brian Froud and Alan Lee) - A lovingly detailed and illustrated compendium of Faerie and its inhabitants, drawing from a range of European (but primarily Celtic) folklore and mythology. Froud was a conceptual designer on The Dark Crystal and Labyrinth, and the link is clear in the art as well as the focus on faeries as mysterious but oftimes sinister beings, where human encounters with them rarely end well. Lee has illustrated several publications of Tolkien's novels, and was a lead concept artists for Peter Jackson's Lord of the Rings and Hobbit trilogies, and there is a touch of Middle Earth here as well, or rather the common inspiration of the old world. A useful resource for my novel!

Watching

The Handmaid's Tale (season 4, episodes 4-8) SPOILERS - So when I last wrote about this show in the Roundup, I was complaining it wasn't going anywhere. Well, I'm happy to be wrong because they finally changed things up with June finally escaping to Canada. That part of the plot following the survivors and their trauma has always been far more compelling than Gilead, and so it was a welcome development even if I side-eye some of the choices (none of these characters is seeing an actual licensed therapist why?).

This show has always been difficult to watch given the subject matter, and that has not changed after the shift in power dynamics. I will give the show credit for showing a broad range of trauma responses, from Moira wanting to move on and not let it consume her, to June, a ball of rage and revenge on a downward spiral, to Emily, trying to follow Moira's path but being drawn to June's, to Luke, trying his best but utterly unequipped to deal with what is happening.

But it is very hard to watch June go down this path - raping her husband (I concede the show perhaps didn't intend for it to be rape, but that's what is on screen and framing it as just "taking away Luke's agency" doesn't change that), wishing death on Serena's unborn child, and orchestrating Fred's brutal murder by particulation, then holding her own daughter still covered in his blood and it getting smeared on Nicole's face (an unsubtle metaphor in a series full of unsubtle metaphors).

There are interesting questions being asked of the viewer, and the show (perhaps rightly) not giving any answers. I can certainly appreciate the catharsis of Fred getting what he deserves even if I personally find the manner of it horrifying, but where is the line between justice and revenge, is revenge the only option when justice is denied, when does a trauma release become cyclical violence/abuse - the show is, for now, letting the viewer decide.

Soul (dir. Pete Docter and Kemp Powers) - In a world full of remakes/reboots/sequels, Pixar is perhaps the lone segment under the Disney umbrella committed to original content. However, there does seem to be a Pixar formula at work directed to precision tugging the heart strings, and some of the film feels like well-trod ground. On the other hand, it's hard to criticise the risk of centering a kids film around the existential crisis of a middle aged man, even with the requisite cutesy elements (and of course, the uncomfortable pattern of yet another film where the black lead character spends a great deal of the runtime in non-human form - herein, an amorphous blob or a cat). But the animation is stunning, it successfully did tug my heart strings, and the design of the Great Before and the Jerrys is original and fun.

RuPaul's Drag Race Down Under - Drag Race is somewhat of a guilty pleasure for me, since I generally don't watch reality shows, and this is something I really enjoy even if I'm not invested in the fandom (which like many fandoms can be very yikes). This year it was time for the Australian/New Zealand (Aotearoa) queens to show their stuff, although it's been met with mixed reactions. Covid restrictions didn't allow for guest judges, relegating them to mere cameos via video calls, and its clear that Ru and Michelle really don't quite get all the cultural nuances - Aussie judge Rhys Nicholson was however always delightful. But it wouldn't be Australia without a racism scandal, with the great disappointment of the two queens of colour eliminated first, and one queen having done blackface in the recent past yet making it all the way to the top four.

In the end, the only viable and deserving winner was last Kiwi standing Kita Mean, and it was pure joy to see her get crowned. I do hope they fix the bugs and indeed do another season to better showcase AU/NZ talent.

Writing

A far more productive month - to try and get out of my writing funk I had a goal to try and write every day, even if it was only 100 words. While I didn't quite achieve a consecutive month, I did get a pretty good average, at least got something posted and two others nearly there.

The Lady of the Lake - 2441 words, Chapter 4 posted.

Against the Dying of the Light - 2745 words

Turn Your Face to the Sun - 1752 words.

Here I Go Again - 1144 words

Total words this month: 8082

Total words this year: 35,551

[luminousnotmatter]

Answer the questions and tag people you want to know better

Name: Clara

Nickname: I don’t have, like, a short-form-version-of-my-name-type-nickname but I’ve kind of always wanted one hehe. My family sometimes calls me Miss Boo or Boo, and Cricket.....I have a dear friend who calls me Duck.... you can make a nickname up for me and use it if you want, I love nicknames. ^u^ 

Zodiac: Jake Gyllenhaal. That’s Tracy’s answer but I’m keeping it because it’s perfect and makes me laugh. 

Height: 5'5″. I made it to my goal of being taller than my mother. *fistpumps* Is it only by one inch? Maybe.

Languages: English, sarcasm, movie quotes, and I can recognize some numbers and maybe a dozen words in Spanish. 

Nationality: American

Favourite Season: Autumn and Spring. The beautiful transition of both, the transformations in nature and the atmosphere and people’s moods.... *dreamy sigh* ❤ Autumn would probably win if I was forced to pick between the two.

Favourite Flower: Oh, my friends. SO MANY. Peonies and sunflowers and roses and daisies and ranunculus and lilacs and dahlias and camellias and tulips and hollyhocks and zinnias and daffodils and irises and black eyed susans and violets and pansies and apple blossoms and cherry blossoms and wisteria and lilies and magnolias and dogwood flowers and sweetpeas and lavender and foxgloves and poppies and delphiniums and forsythia and and and and I just love all the flowers. ^u^ ❤

Favourite Animal: I love animals, period, with a few exceptions, but dogs and horses and cats have always been especially special to me. ❤

Favourite Scent: Again. So many. !!!! I really like warm scents? Like baked goods and comfort food and my dog’s fur and chocolate and the smell of my home....but I also really enjoy citrusy aromas too. Lemon, lime, orange, grapefruit. And then there’s sun-dried laundry....and lavender, lilacs....and the ocean....the smell of rain....the forest...... I’m a real sensory person so I could be here for a g e s.

Favourite Fictional Character: Eggsy Unwin, y’all. ❤ But then Steve Rogers  and Sam Winchester too. ❤

Tea/Coffee/Hot Chocolate: Tea please. ^u^ Though I do love me some hot chocolate. Coffee is whatever. 

Average Sleep: Ehhhh…..idk.....7 hours?? It really depends on how well my self-control is operating on a given night haha, though right now I mostly have the freedom to sorta cover those poor choices by sleeping in, what with quarantine and all. :P

Favourite Colour: Yellow is my very favorite, but I just love colors in general.

Dogs or Cats: Dogs. But see favorite animal answer. 

Number of Blankets: That I own?? That I sleep under?? Be specific, Tumblr. ;) I sleep under a sheet, a duvet on top of that, and I throw a quilt on if it’s real cold. But I really enjoy being cozy and have a fairly decent collection of other various blankets.   

Dream Trip: The UK, Ireland, Hawaii with Tracy please ❤, I’ve always dreamed of roadtripping the U.S, France, Italy, NZ, Australia...y’know....basically everywhere. The more history there is in a place the more I wanna visit.

Blog Established: Oh man. I’ve been on here since...2013. Holy crap? Had one url (shoutout to pearlsinaclamshell you’re still mine and you’re still special to me) and many loves for the first 6 years and then late last summer Taron Egerton happened to me and nothing’s been the same since tbh.  

Random Fact: I have curly hair and a pretty freakin good? good singing voice. #TwoFactsForThePriceOfOne

Gender: Female

Sexuality: Hetero

Harry Potter Moral Compass: I’m not even going to dignify this confounding question with a response. Once again, stealing my Brain Twin’s response because same.

Where Are You From? California, U.S.A.

Why Did You Start This Blog? So many good and important and wonderful reasons haha. ^u^ To share an AU Fic idea with Tracy. To be a part of a sweet, fun, beautiful, talented group of humans from all over the world who loved a thing I loved as much as I did. I stay because that sense of sweet community and togetherness is always here through shifting loves, and for new friends and old. I’m here because of the openness to love and freak out over and babble about and crush on the things and people I love and freak out over and babble about and crush on with as much vivacity and passion and silliness and loudness as I please with zero judgement because we’re all trash for Our Fave(s) and it’s a beautiful wonderful amazing thing. ❤ Sister Wife, your answer was so much more succinct and eloquent than this ramble-fest what the heck.

Most Recent Album Played: Dude, I don’t even know....I’ve been listening to playlists and Pandora stations so much today and lately...…I think my Elton John Diamonds disc 1, which is like a greatest hits album basically, and the first disc of it is my favorite. ^u^ ^u^ ^u^ 

Thanks for the tag, My Girl! @taronunwin ❤I nominate my Sweet T @djjarindin My Pineapple @noturbaby, if you gals wanna participate. ❤

[nothing-personal-my-dear]

Spartacus: Vengeance Rewatch - Episode 2: A Place In This World

Sex Scene: 2

“Cock”: 7 (plus a few “my cock rages on”)

“Cunt”: 1

“Kill Them All”: 0

“Fucking Gaul”: 1

Slow motion Face Punch: 4

Episode Name Dropped by: -

Memorable Death: THE GOAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Favourite Line: “Gods save me. I find myself in agreement with a Gaul.”

- I absolutely adore baby Oenomaus.

- He’s so vicious, I am totally here for it!

- “All men can be tamed. No matter how wild.”

- “If I held such desire, you would be split in two.” – that Batiatus family gets the best lines!

- Oenomaus in his Pit wear is fucking creepy.

- I love how bored with everything Chadara is.

- NASIR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

- Loving the shadow fight. And it’s nice to know the gladiators can fight without screaming.

- I know mostly everyone on this show is either NZ or Aus, but this dominus sounds super Australian.

- Ah, good old ‘Tiberius’

- So I read somewhere that back in ancient times it was totally fine for men to have sex with other men, but as long as you were the ‘top’? So this dominus asking ‘Tiberius’ to “place cock in arse” is a really odd thing for those time. But, oh well.

- These slow-mo fights are one of my favourite things about Spartacus.

- Agron isn’t even using weapons this season apparently. He’s gonna use his fists to kill the Romans, or drown them in tiny ponds.

- Fuck Yeah Mira!!!!

- Spartacus loves stabbing dudes through the back of the head.

- All the gladiators grouped together look like a modelling shoot.

- Agron looking at Spartacus like “we weren’t actually given a choice. It was either follow you or die in that fucking ludus. Not much choice there buddy.” Then Spartacus looking at Agron all “shut the fuck up Agron”

- “I am Spartacus” – that line will never not get to me.

- The show of slavery here is amazing. The dominus is on his knees with a blade at his throat, essentially weak, and yet one word from him has his slaves cowering. That’s inane.

- Acer in the background all “yeah buddy, you about to die”

- The moment this guy realises he’s fucked up is brilliant.

- “How could I know that she held meaning?” “Did she not breathe? Did her heart not beat like any other woman’s? Yet you did not see a woman, did you? You just saw something to be used and discarded. You just saw a fucking slave!”

- I weirdly like Rhaskos and Chadara.

- “A rise too slight for eyes to notice.” – YAS MIRA!

-  “A skill lacking in most men.” – SERIOUSLY MIRA IS QUEEN!!!!!!!!!!!!

- This scene with Chadara basically explains her entire character. She is of the belief she has to have sex with someone strong and important so she can be safe. She never breaks that way of thinking and it’s kinda sad.

- “The hope of love to come. A danger in its own right.”

- Rhaskos penis. Honestly not as slight as Mira would have everyone believe.

- Salty Sassy Agron is my fave.

- Love that Agron knows Naevia is surely to be fucked up by her enslavement. No one else mentions it at all.

- “Every man has his worth.”

- AGRON AND NASIR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

- I would love to know what goes on in Nasir’s head when Spartacus removes his collar. I mean he’s basically grown up with that, how utterly naked would you feel without it? No wonder the little dude wanted to kill him.

- Ilithyia’s body slave is gorgeous!

- Flashback penis, again.

- That masturbation scene is so awkward with Glaber walking in, holy crap. BUT I do love that they portray female masturbation.

- Actually all these Spartacus/Ilithyia sex flashbacks makes a whole lot of sense for the end of S2.

- “The gods would rather piss on Rome than whisper in her ear.” I love how bitter Ilithyia is.

- Seriously Glaber, you clearly don’t know how to please a woman. You can’t make her feel like crap then expect her to want to have sex with you….

- GOATS!!!!!!!!!!!!! AHHHHHH THE FIRST NAGRON EPISODE HAS GOATS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! My shipper heart is soaring once again!!!!

- Oh crap, I didn’t notice this first time. Mira saying she’s never known the comfort of a bed. Shit man.

- Oh gods, the awkward “what are we” talk. Yikes.

- “Let me never be from them.” – shit man, foreshadow? I’m not ready for that!

-  I wanna believe Sparty has genuine feelings for Mira, but I also think he’s just telling her what she wants to hear without outwardly lying. She is clearly in love with him, but he doesn’t feel the same. He’ll never love anyone but Sura (and Varro, if we’re being honest).

- NASIR!!!!! Dude is so brave to take on the legend that is Spartacus. I love him.

- I remember when I first watched this, I started laughing as soon as Nasir started talking. HE’S JUST SO KIWI!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

- “You but take my masters place.” – so powerful.

- I love how Nasir already has his snarl down pat. He is constantly baring his teeth. I cannot wait for the first hiss, oh gods!

- NAGRON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

- Holy fuck I love the banter between Sparty and Agron, ITS SO GOOD!

-  Don’t hit the precious Nasir.

- Don’t lie Agron, we all know you’re into that “wild little dog.”

- I’ll say it again, SALTY SASSY AGRON IS MY FAVE!

- Oh, saw the girl with the penis that looks a hell of a lot less cgi than last time, yay.

- I love seeing Oenomaus fighting!

-  “One must learn to kneel if he is ever to rise.” – yeah, but you ever gonna see any of these Romans kneeling? I don’t think so.

- Baby Quentis.

-  I do actually really like Titus.

- I honestly thought those hooded figures where rebels. Imagine my surprise…

-  Aww, chain around the neck reminds me of a Supernatural episode.

- Oenomaus in the Pits is fucking scary.

-  I get that he’s lost and purposeless but Oenomaus is basically committing suicide in a very elaborate way. SOMEONE HELP HIM.

-  “You wish to leave this world, I shall ferry you.” – no Anubis, wrong answer.

- AHHHHHH I love Agron training the new recruits!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! But then again, logically is that really the best option? Agron was only in the ludus for a few months whereas some of the other guys had been there for years. Shouldn’t someone with more experience be teaching the newbies?

- IT WAS A HISS!!!!!!!! A baby hiss, BUT A HISS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

- I do love how much of an interest in Nasir’s training Spartacus takes. But then later in the season and the next it’s like they were never friends?

- “And when it becomes as a feather? What purpose do you think it shall fly to?” “One of your own choosing.”

- I’m sorry, but Pana is fucking beautiful.

-  Agron checking out Nasir. Sweety you ain’t subtle. SEE Donar sees it too!

- Noooo. Lucretia get away from that goat, what did it ever do to you!

- “I so wish to please you,” – hey there sexual tension.

- Okay the woman in market that comes to give gratitude to Lucretia is so beautiful.

- BAHAHA Ilithyia being friends with Seppia is hilarious!!!

-  I do really like Marcus and his friendship with Glaber. It’s one of the few friendships where I don’t pick up on any romantic or sexual overtones.

-  Seppius and that piece of fruit are really freaking me out. It’s all kinds of gross.

- This whole season seems to be about stripping Glaber down. Everyone (except Marcus) is picking on him and making him feel worthless and small. Poor dude. I mean he’s still an arse, but maybe he wouldn’t have been if everyone cut him some slack. Maybe.

- Crixus is totally posing on that couch behind Spartacus! It’s so overtly sexual, holy crap! Haha!

- NAGRON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Oh man, this scene!!!!!!!! AGRON IS SO AWKWARD! Dude cannot flirt at all! He’s so precious.

- AHHHHH DURO MENTION!!!!!!! I’m not ready for that! =[

- Nasir actually looks a little regretful after insulting Agron, MY SHIPPER HEART!

- Mira saving the day!

- “Freedom is not without cost.”

- The ritual is actually pretty cool…but did the goat have to die?!

- Ilithyia isn’t stupid. I wouldn’t give someone so clearly unstable a sharp blade either.

- THE GOAT HAS GOLDEN HORNS!??! Are you kidding me!

- "Your will, my hands” hey it’s back!

-  Titus and baby Oenomaus are really sweet.

- Smirking Nasir is beautiful.

- Why was Agron the last to jump out and fight?

-  Agron yelling for Spartacus gives me shivers.

- Nasir’s first kill!!! Woo!

-  “My brother called me Nasir.” MY SHIPPER HEART IS ON FIRE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

- FU-CKI-NG ASHUR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Argh! I was so pissed when he came back!

[briarofthebush]

Holding hands in Unity against Hate, post election 2016., Greenlake.

Lucy the Best.

A brilliant free 20 minutes of Billy Bragg and Joe Henry at KEXP

Sammy! My dog away from home dog. He gives full body hugs.

Artists at Halloween, Mme Morisot, Snr Riviera,

I’m next to the Charles Bul fountain in Brussels.

The famous Mannekin pis.

Bicyclette dans Leuven

Leuven streetscape

M Leuven Museum, full of many religious artifacts.

Giant head from street fairs, Museum M in Leuven, Belgium

June and I, late 2009.

Snow play at the foot of the mountains, Desert Road, NZ

Mel & I, catching up for the 1st time in 2016.

  12/30/2016

Today is like Spring. It is almost warm. I had that feeling in my bones before I even looked outside.

I am ready to embrace some New Year’s Resolutions for myself. I didn’t do so well on some of them last year. I set writing goals I didn’t stick with. I am getting better at NOT beating myself up about everything, and this might make me slack but, I believe the self-acceptance thing is even more important to me.

I had far more adventures than I could find time to write about this year. That doesn’t mean I didn’t think and reflect about them. I still am writing, but I am still adventuring too. I am happy and proud of myself for doing different things. For saying ‘yes’ to Chile and walking up so many hills there. For seeking out Neruda’s Valparaiso house. For flying back at a moment’s notice to help bury my Stepmother June, an awesome and very much missed pillar in my Dad’s family. For having the wisdom and strength to not go back to Australia, just because I was ‘in the neighbourhood’. For going to Belgium at short notice too, and for being brave enough to use my 3 French words. (Wish I’d used more.) I said ‘yes, we’ll be there’ to an invitation to share Thanksgiving at a beautiful holiday house on a Puget Sound Island, meaning constant social interaction and chilling back with new friends. Some of my adventuring was actually quite difficult, not all of it comfortable, and certainly ALL of it was very expensive. I wish I had done even more though.

I gained in confidence and flow in my teaching reading skills in the adult literacy school. I made beautiful new friendships there, solidified others, was challenged and uplifted by my students’ lives and achievements. My paltry 4 hours teaching a week has added up to over 162 hours of face to face teaching and preparation, and I know I am a valued part of the school. This means the world to me. I have been told I ‘add value’ to the whole process of teaching these very special individuals, who are on all points of a journey to bettering their own lives. I cannot think of a more rewarding thing to be doing. I will probably add another teaching session to my week in 2017.

The work I do at the store, (if you can call it ‘work’) is social, and fun and I am still finding the stock has a certain allure- I want to buy a new scarf nearly every week. (I try not to). I get to hang out with really lovely people of all ages, from different walks of life, and find out about them.We all have slightly different reasons for being there, but are united by our concern for the artisans we support.

For both Johnny and I our cohort of friends grew considerably in a short space of time, but remains stable, and we hang out with a group of fun, mature and slightly younger, beer appreciating teachers and ex-teachers. We really love to be able to kick back and relax with these people, who have accommodated us willingly, and drag us along to concerts and baseball games, brewery openings and parties. They give us rides, and ask us to their ‘things’, keep us entertained and stop us from taking ourselves too seriously. We sing karaoke with them, see bands, look at art, eat amazing food, and generally educate each other about our respective cultural quirks. Introducing words like ‘dink’, ‘arvo’ and ‘wobbly’ and such is a bit of a hobby for us, and collecting these Aussie-isms is a hobby of theirs. ‘Humour’ is common language we all seem to share, so laughing is what we do most of the time.

Happy Hours at the Ram have become a weekly ritual, and now that we are bona fide members of the famous ‘Mug Club’ we are enjoying the novelty of drinking cut price beers out of massive pint glasses and trying to pair this beer with sustaining and not hugely fattening food. I’m not sure we can win this struggle, so we try to eat as many vegetables and healthy homemade stuff as we can through the week. We are not always successful. I am finding the traditionally (bad) revered ways of eating here much much more attractive to me as time goes by. We have an exercise bike and try to move about as much as we can, but I have to say, my gold fish bowl existence, looking out at the wintry streets from my very cosy couch is far more preferable at the moment.

I have begun to enjoy binge-watching on the Netflix again, this year a change from dramas and crime; I am finally embracing the meta-narrative that is Gilmore Girls, and I am really loving it. I think it is a very sweet piece of writing, both in its script and in its character development. I am only half-way through the 8 series and I am unsure how I will go on with my life after it finishes.

I am able to divorce the reality of Gilmore Girls from my own reality, don’t worry, not too much anyway.

… 1/5/2017 …Today I am trying to end this pathetic couch-ridden existence I have taken up- nursing a horrible hacking cough (apparently an actual ‘flu’). I have been annoyingly unwell this last month, with a few days respite for the Christmas long weekend, but perhaps I shouldn’t have enjoyed it so much. My immune system is taking a battering.

I’m trying to make marmalade out of a glut of lemons I sliced and froze months ago. It looks awful and isn’t setting, so I am cooking it to death- and then will bottle and leave up in the cupboard, just like I used to at home when my preserves didn’t quite work out. (Which is fairly often.) I did use a recipe though. Sort of. It smells great. I will be sad if I have to turf it.

I have spoken about our fun lifestyle, and I guess it makes sense that my immune system is down, but then I do wear sensible, warm clothing, and I buy good food to eat at home. I take a good multi- B vitamin, I don’t eat much meat. I make soup, full of vegetable, legumes, and lots of goodness. I still struggle to sleep well, but I have gotten myself into good habits with my bedtime routine and am looking after my own needs; it’s not like I am not good at self-care. I am the Queen of self-care. I just have a lousy immune system. I also neglected to get a flu shot this autumn. And I catch public transport.

Anyway, while I have no voice to have actual conversations I am getting in some very nice quiet spells, just watching Netflix and amazon movies. And playing Words with Friends. I am neglecting my creative side yes; I seemed to bottle-neck for a while there, with too many writing projects on the go- so am reverting to this journalling /blog thing to alleviate some of the pressure, while I try to get things get back into some sort of order and focus.

I am now dreaming about the return to the Motherland Australia as I have only a few more months to go before I have to come home for a while. When I get home, I have a huge list of things I need to concern myself with, in order to make sure our life back here in the US can continue and run smoothly. We very definitely like living here, for so many reasons, and will continue for as long as we can.

Don’t get me wrong, I do miss Australia, the continent, the beauty of the beaches and the bush. I can’t wait to get some wet sand between my toes again. I miss a lot of what makes the communal aspects of living in Aus so special- the relaxed lifestyle, the flexibility of routine, the refusal of Australians to become regimented by the establishment. Americans seem to either not notice that they are, or actually like to be organised and told what to do and feel and when to do it, a lot more than Aussies do- and that is fine, there are so many of them, after all. So it’s kind of weird about the whole election thing- when no one was obligated to enroll or vote. Still scratching our heads over that one.

People are just as busy as we are at home, with work and extracurricular activities, but there is a degree of spontaneity I am really relishing here with my American friends that I couldn’t quite attain at home. It may also be a bit of a cop-out but because we aren’t American, we can be a bit more detached about the traditions and cultural aspects that our friends are a part of- we can’t be instantly acculturated with a fervor for pumpkin pie, or Superbowl, for instance. But we’ll turn up and see what it’s all about, sure (with the option of not liking or wanting to participate.)

Our free and easy way of doing our social life is also possibly a lot to do with the fact that we have jumped into a great void of untried experiences with strangers, and were so out of our ‘comfort zones’ it’s shocked us into being a lot more adaptable. I like this new life and the jolts of reality that force us to respond in fresh ways. There wasn’t a good deal of that potential for reinvention back home, and now there is. You can’t even pay for this wonderful way to grow in your personal life. (Although, we actually did pay.)

So my marmalade hasn’t been a total success, and there goes the 6 good jars I’ve been saving for this. My kitchen is even tinier than the one I had at home, and there isn’t a pantry either. However this hasn’t stopped me from trying to cook a lot of food in it, and I guess I am still addicted to saving and preserving. I think may I have a problem. I have a fresh batch of gravlax in my fridge. Too much for us of course, but there was no way I was going to waste that salmon we didn’t use because I felt too ill to cook it.

I think I’m going to need to get some pectin and redo this marmalade and re-sterilise my jars.

Maybe I could make a New Year’s resolution to not undertake preserving and cooking en masse without adhering to a recipe explicitly.

You were a long time coming, 2017 12/30/2016 Today is like Spring. It is almost warm. I had that feeling in my bones before I even looked outside.