#i wonder who i'll be by then. what more i would've accomplished. what dreams i would finally have reached.

[noxtivagus]

'starlit sky' 🥹

[icedragonlizard]

Headcanon: Kirby started vowing to prevent future tragedies from happening

Please note that like most of my other tumblr posts, everything here is purely my headcanons.

I'll also go ahead and post a 'Keep reading' tag pretty quickly. Because this may be a long post, as well as the fact that the things I will discuss here could end up making you really sad if you read it.

Feel free to click the Keep reading tag if you're willing to read it, tho!

Kirby has been very sad about the tragic deaths of Queen Sectonia and Max Profitt Haltmann, and feels awful for Taranza and Susie as they're both grieving over those losses. It disheartens him.

Kirby saw how tragic those incidents were, and so he vowed to prevent future tragedies from happening. At that point, he didn't want anymore incidents to be extremely sad over! Two tragedies was already more than enough, and he wishes they could've ended better.

During Star Allies, after Hyness and the Mage Sisters have been expelled from Void Termina's body, some of the dream friends watched the four sacrified Jambastion cultists get sucked into a rift that took them to Another Dimension.

After Void Termina has been defeated, the dream friends that witnessed those four being sent to Another Dimension then informed Kirby about it, and that's when he decided to have the group go to Another Dimension to save Hyness and the Mage Sisters. This is what led to the events of Heroes in Another Dimension.

The deaths of Sectonia and Haltmann were already incredibly tragic, and so Kirby didn't want Hyness and the Mage Sisters to die as well. He and the dream friends went out of their way to try to save them.

FYI, it was the wave 1 dream friends that watched the Jambastion cultists get sucked into the rift. Coo was the quickest to inform Kirby.

Heroes in Another Dimension happens, yadda yadda yadda, Kirby and the dream friends successfully save the Jambastion cultists.

Hyness survives, as do his three daughters. Kirby successfully prevent a third tragedy from occurring! Wonderful job.

The four Jambastion cultists are very grateful to Kirby and the dream friends. Things most likely would've ended very badly for them if they didn't get saved, and thus saving them made them so happy.

Kirby also successfully prevents another tragedy from happening later in time, during Forgotten Land.

After Fecto Elfilis has been defeated, the Beast Pack reconciled with Kirby and the waddle dees. Well, the Beast Pack, except for seemingly Leongar, who appears to be tragically gone.

But it looked like Leongar could be saved! His soul has been broken into pieces which could only be retrieved in going through the dream realm left behind by Fecto Forgo's memory. Clawroline asked for Kirby, Bandana Waddle Dee and Elfilin to go into that dream realm to save Leongar, and they agreed to her request into doing so.

Isolated Isles: Forgo Dreams happens, yadda yadda yadda. Ultimately, Leon survives and gets saved. Kirby prevents another tragedy, hooray! Thank Nova that he's managed to accomplish this.

Carol and the rest of the Beast Pack were very grateful to Kirby for saving Leon. Oh, how tragic could it have been if he didn't.

These incidents make Kirby even more of a hero than he previously was before. Of course, he's always been a hero, but these incidents of saving people from death just takes his hero status a step further.

The tragedies in Triple Deluxe and Planet Robobot made him very sad. It's made him vow to go out of his way to prevent future tragedies after those, and so far he's been successful in preventing tragedies that could've happened in Star Allies and Forgotten Land.

Kirby is very happy for the Mage Sisters now that Hyness is still alive with them, and he's very happy for Carol and the rest of the Beast Pack now that Leon is still alive with them. He's so proud of himself.

It's really wonderful. Kirby really cares. He cares so much in making sure people can be happy and not lose the one they don't want to lose.

However...

That being said...

Even though he's happy about how the situations in Star Allies and Forgotten Land turned out, that doesn't stop him from continuing to be really sad about how the situations in Triple Deluxe and Planet Robobot turned out. In fact, he's kind of even sadder about it now.

Kirby is a bleeding heart. He cares. He cares so much. He witnesses the grief that Taranza has over Sectonia, and the grief that Susie has over her father, and to him it's all just really heartbreaking.

Susie may not be quite as open about her grief to a lot of people as Taranza is, but she's absolutely been grieving too. Kirby knows about it. He's seen her cry about never being able to make up with her dad.

Kirby wishes he could've helped save Sectonia and Haltmann.

He wishes that he didn't have to put Sectonia down, and he wishes that Star Dream could've been destroyed without Haltmann being destroyed alongside with it. He didn't want for them to die.

His sorrow just added on even more when Taranza and Susie told him about what happened prior that led to those events: about how Sectonia became corrupted by that dimensional mirror, and about how Susie's relationship with her father was long ruined before he actually died as she was stuck in Another Dimension and then became forgotten about when she finally came back to him.

He learned about how Sectonia and Haltmann didn't start out as evil, and became evil due to outer influence. They didn't deserve to die....

When Kirby reconciled with Taranza and Susie after their respective games' events, he's been acting extra nice and sweet to both of them. Over the years of him being friends with these two, he's given them both a ton of hugs. He's felt like that they've been deserving tons of hugs after the things that happened to them.

He's also been going out of his way to visit them in their home places to give them company. He wants them to feel cared about and appreciated, and so he comes to see both from time to time.

Sometimes, it'll even be the three of them hanging out.

Taranza and Susie have both came to really appreciate Kirby as he's been so kind and sweet to them over the years after reconciling with him. In essence, he's been acting like emotional support for them.

Kirby isn't that good at words of encouragement, since he's young, but the hugs and just simply being there for them have gone a long way of being helpful and alleviating for these two tragic friends.

They both act like older siblings to Kirby to an extent. To be fair, all of Kirby's friends feel like some sort of family to him one way or another, but it's helpful for these two as they know that they're not alone.

Of course, they don't just have only Kirby. Taranza and Susie have each other, too. They also have Magolor, as well as other friends. But Kirby is just special. He's everyone's special little buddy, and Taranza and Susie aren't exceptions in having Kirby be their little buddy.

Thankfully, Taranza and Susie have been starting to heal as time goes on. It's been taking time for them to heal, but they're both working on it, and they've become grateful to Kirby as he's their little buddy.

The tragedies in Triple Deluxe and Planet Robobot left a really sad mark on Kirby. He didn't want anymore of these tragedies to happen, and that's what motivated him to put in all the effort necessary to save people. He's proud of himself to have saved Hyness and Leon, and thus the Mage Sisters and the Beast Pack can be happy with the formerly corrupted people that they care about.

He'll also keep doing this in future incidents. He wants to keep saving people. Again, this has increased his status even more as a hero.

Kirby wants the best for everybody. He cares so much.

He'll try his very best to provide the best for everybody.

Thanks for reading if you made it this far. I made myself emotional when writing this... I'm sorry if it also made you emotional to read it.

[evermorehoon]

❣︎ ⎯⎯ goodbye, my past pt1

sunghoon prefers to dismiss his feelings, he doesn't want you to know how sorry he feels for everyone in his life. but slowly and surely, he will learn to come to terms with it.

wc: 1.1k

warnings: a lot of crying, return of boob-man hoon, mentions of slut shaming, strong feelings of guilty and maybe regret

A/N: so hey guys! sorry this took so absolutely long, yknow writers block and shit, but I'm happy to bring this back every now and then considering I'll be very busy! but I do hope you guys aren't bored of this since I didn't write it too well even tho I really wanted to give you guys something good for waiting so long, but anyway enjoy!! feedback is highly appreciated♡

Taglist: @yenqa @svnoohe4rtsmainblog @donghoonie-3 @jayked @heeseongism @laceheartz @lynanist @aquariusskz @nyanggk (send an ask if you wanna be added♡)

Masterlist | next chapter | prev chapter

Graduation was gonna be the biggest breath of fresh air for you, mostly since it meant people would stop giving you judgmental looks upon seeing your figure in school uniform.

As much as you didn't want to admit it, your life had gotten a little more lonely. You weren't sure if the people you were surrounded by were actually your friends, since they never invited you out anymore.

It was more hurtful when no one comforted or defended you when you had a sudden influx of slut shaming. Sunghoon’s influx was everyone asking why he stayed with a girl "obviously baby-trapping" him.

You were so hopeful that the last months of senior year wouldn't go too badly, that no one would care enough to bully you the way they did.

There wasn’t much Sunghoon could do. No one believed him when he said he stayed because he wanted to, because he loved you. Yet there were days where he wondered what would've happened if he didn't stay, or if contraception didn't fail you two.

His group's debut date was pushed back due to him leaving. His lines had to be split and formations and choreography had to change as it relied heavily on 7 members. He wasn't sure whether he should blame himself. What would he be blaming himself for? Choosing love? Choosing to commit to a huge responsibility?

But he was the cause of altering everyone's lives. Changing your life by unintentionally shoving you into motherhood, adding more pressure to his friends who just want to accomplish their dreams, and lastly his own life.

You two had settled on you going to study after taking a gap year after the baby was born. Sunghoon had already taken up a part-time job as an ice skating instructor at the local ice rink, teaching mostly preschoolers.

Within a few weeks of his shifts, he had to ask the managers to let him teach just kids as he'd grown uncomfortable with people shamelessly hitting on him and not getting the message behind "No, I have a girlfriend" even with you sitting on the sidelines, waiting for his shift to end.

There was something about tiny humans clinging to his leg, fixing little helmets on little heads and squeaky voices calling for his attention that made him so happy. He worked near brilliantly with them, receiving loads of praises from everyone just because the kids listened intently to him.

Working part-time of course didn't pay much but it was a start. Your university fund was already settled as neither your parents nor you were allowed to touch it. Everything was basically settled, except for living arrangements.

"I still have some savings from my competition money," Sunghoon cozied up next to you, wrapping his arm around your front. "Maybe we can rent a place or something."

"Property's pretty expensive these days, I'm not sure that can work," you sighed, rubbing the back of his head. "We'll think of something befo-"

Your sentence was cut short by a slight wince you let out, quickly alerting him. "What? What hurts? Are you okay, do we need to go to the hospital?" His questions come out as rapid-fire, too quick for you to answer.

"It was just a kick," you lightly chuckled. "Bit of a painful one."

"Even the baby knows."

"Knows what?"

"That you should put your boobs in my mou- Ow!"

It would be an understatement to say Sunghoon was scared. As you entered the third trimester, it meant growing closer to your due date. He most definitely wasn't prepared no matter how much he tried to prepare himself.

Things could go wrong. Something could happen to you, to the baby. But he had to live in the present, focus on listening to you cry over anything and everything.

"B-but they never have it!" You cried, not bothering to wipe your tears as he couldn't hold back his giggles. "And they're always closed, it's not fair!"

"Why are there so many ice cream flavors?" You sobbed in the middle of the frozen aisle. "I can't choose, there's too many!"

"That car interrupted that little bird's bath," you teared up, nearly bursting. "He just wanted a bath and that car drove into the puddle!"

"Why can't I pet the cat?" You looked at Sunghoon, ready to start crying.

"The cat's animated, sweetheart, she's not real," he said, patting your head as tears rolled down your cheeks.

"But she's a pretty kitty and I wanna pet her."

It bothered you how he would dismiss his own feelings, never wanting to tell you how scared he was for you. You didn't need a sixth sense to know there was a change in Sunghoon’s mood as you were approaching November.

"He's not scared," you thought as you watched him scroll through his phone while sitting next to you on your bed. The app shown on screen looked rather familiar, with you looking up to scan his face.

"He's sad."

He clicked on the hashtag dedicated to his group, the anticipation of their release was high considering the delay he had caused. He scrolled endlessly as he read about people's excitement.

Yet a very big handful of people wondered what happened to the seventh member and why he wasn't included in anything predebut. How pieces of content seemed edited, the scenes that cut him out.

"Maybe he's being hidden, like the company secret weapon," one tweet read with thousands of likes. Oh how he wanted that to be true.

He felt saddened by the hope fans held onto that the seventh member would appear in the trailer for their first official album.

As the days rolled by, everyone was still looking for the nonexistent mystery member who they didn't know would never turn up. The denial was strong even when the announcement of their debut showcase was announced with just six boys.

He smiled so bittersweetly, he was happy for them. They could finally achieve their dream, even if it meant crushing his own. He was proud of them, cheering them on silently behind his phone screen.

"Do you want to go?"

"Hm?"

You didn't have to do much digging or observation to know what he was saddened by. You knew that group with the interesting name was his, you'd met the members before and came to the conclusion you'd love to have your baby around them.

"To the showcase, do you wanna go?" You were definitely prepared to dig into some savings to buy him a ticket, wanting him to show his support to his friends.

It was obvious he wanted to go, hold a banner with some cheesy message and hearts on it while holding a non-permanent lightstick to cheer them on, let them know he would be by their side even in the crowd.

But he shook his head. "Nah," was all he said before continuing to scroll. You didn't want to push him into talking more about it, opting to call his parents in hopes they'd help you do just this one thing for him.

Unfortunately, it would not be boobs in his mouth even if you may have considered giving into it once or twice.

[aresmarked]

reread Liskarm's Still Waiting oprec and I wanna yell about all of it. she's so focused on her goal and being able to pursue it again that she doesn't even realize how much happier she is at Rhodes Island! I have so many feelings about Liskarm being the one who pulled Jessica into field ops, too! Franka and Liskarm going out for drinks together! there's too many things to yell about and not enough words. I'm love Rhodes Island Black Steel family..

and Franka's oprec. OOF. I wonder if her mother was actually infected with oripathy, not just sick from overwork. but also. her pranking Liskarm and distracting Liskarm from work because she's probably worried that Liskarm's will work herself into an early grave if left unattended. and how both of them remember what the other's dreams are! they're in love, your honour.

hehehe, i'm v glad they're eating your brain, and to see your takes. for me my take-away from lisk's op rec was more about how rhodes island made her realise that for her to accomplish her goal of bringing greater stability to Vouivre, it won't be as 'simple' as she thought when she went into blacksteel, and she has her growth at blacksteel but especially rhodes to thank for that insight. (and ofc w her partner)

jess and liskarm def have a type of relationship i'm v soft about, so i'm glad you enjoyed that bit too :3 should def read jess' op rec, since it has more details on how it went down.

i'd imagine franka-mama probably was Just the overwork, since we've seen detecting it is a relatively 'simple' matter of checking blood levels, and since if it was oripathy franka would've probably brought her mama to Rhodes once she heard about the work they were doing. (the insights into how franka was once a crybaby (and, yea, even after everything still sucky about being straight about her emotions) was so. mwah. delicious.)

they really do keep each other balanced. franka helping lisk lighten up some, lisk saying, when you're ready to talk, i'll be here. and if you're not ever wanting to talk, that's ok, but let me help you have the space for a bit. aaaaahhhh

[idsb]

I've had a very rough time the past few days with things related to my family between the Tv Show people stalking me and being invited to see Elton John play Gillette Stadium with so many family members I love but rarely get to see and being unable to go because my mother was going too, and I refuse to be anywhere near her anymore after her throwing me out in favor of my brother in 2020. and it was so fucking horrifically sad because I was raised on Elton John's music with that whole side of the family. I have so many beautiful memories to so many Elton John songs and if certain members of my family weren't as evil as they are, I would've gotten to have a beautiful night as an adult with everyone on my mother's side of the family who's isn't dead or institutionalized or off the grid; a small but mighty group remaining, celebrating the music I grew up with after everything. A wonderful piece of closure for the last tour he'll ever do.

It broke me to fucking pieces and is still making me teary eyed thinking of how, before he played his final song, he counted off the amount of times he'd played at Gillette Stadium and said, "and now, I'm never going to come back here again, because I need to live the rest of my beautiful life with my loving family". And I'll never have the chance to have a wonderful memory like that again. There are no re-do's there. I enjoyed myself, at that show, alone in the pouring rain, surrounded by a lot of very wonderful strangers - whom I never talked to, but whose joy and love for the people they'd gone to see the show with radiated a warmth straight into my heart. The rest of my family got that feeling from one another, probably too drunk off their own happiness of that feeling to have any kind of self-awareness of it. I thought about them, and I thought about my grandfather, the person who raised me more than either of my parents did, whose death 8 years ago destroyed me more than anyone else's ever will, and how disappointed he would be if he knew what happened to our family and how I tore it to shreds after he died; for my own wellbeing or not. He'd just be plain sad.

During the show, they played a montage of clips of him recording vocals for The Lion King, with animation from the movie on top of it. A lot of people say their parents raised them on The Beatles or The Rolling Stones or Springsteen or whatever it may be. I forced my entire extended family to raise me on Elton John, because I learned his name because of The Lion King - he was probably the first singer I could ever name. I was obsessed with it and anything that had to do with it. When people ask you what you want to be when you grow up when you're a kid, people say "a firefighter" or "a vet", or whatever. People asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up and I said, "a lion".

Well, anyway, this whole post is to say that I realized last night I did grow up to be a lion. fiercely loyal but vicious. tough as nails and self-sufficient. someone who has made a recognizable name for themselves in every circle they wind up in. Brave for all I've faced with the courage and resilience to accomplish anything. Right down to being known and described by most for the mane of copper-golden hair I have.

I had fun last night. And it's really something to know that despite the bulletholes that have been shot through every idyllic facet of what I hoped and dreamed the world might be as a child, I am someone that that childhood version of myself would have adored and felt safe with.

[justice4harwin]

Light's Corruption- Chapter IV

Pairing: The DarklingxAlina

Summary:With few friends at the Little Palace, Alina must work to win the favour of her fellow grisha and their commander, who makes her feel light headed every time she sees him.

After training in Os Alta for two years, the king grows tired of waiting and demands the Sun Summoner joins a western post near the Fjerdan border along with the rest of The Second Army to test her abilities.

Something happens. Suddenly, Alina wants blood to run down the rivers and those who stand in her and The Darkling’s way will be blinded by her light and swallowed by his shadows.

It won’t be pretty

Rating: 18+

Click here for chapter 3

Tags are in the comment section. If you dont wanna be there or wanna be added please let me know 😊

Anyways, I hope you like this one. I'm really excited over a particular scene 😏😏

Chapter 4: golden butterfly, black rose

Alina woke up with a new purpose: to observe and listen.

She hastily threw the blankets and sheets off of her and put on her kefta as she realized she might be late for breakfast.

Running down the stairs, hair a mess, the Sun Summoner smiled and greeted everyone on her path.

Some replied. Others just stared oddly.

She entered the hall to find that, as usual, Marie and Nadia had left a seat empty between them. Alina gingerly took it.

"Good morning!"

They gave her smiles as they reciprocated the greeting.

"You're in a good mood today." Nadia noticed, taking her spoon.

"I slept like a baby." she lied. She hadn't gotten that much sleep -Genya must've gotten even less- but she felt good that day.

Just the day before, she had been able to summon on her own for the first time, and she had to stay positive if she wanted to accomplish her new mission.

She engaged more in the chatter with the grisha women that day, venturing so far as to reply with questions of her own to get to know them better.

"I didn't know you had a brother, Nadia." she said, genuinely surprised as they made their way to Botkin's stables.

The woman nodded with a half-annoyed, half-endearing smile.

"He's grisha too. A few years younger, so he's still at school. His name's Adrik."

"Is he a Squaller too?" 

Nadia confirmed that he was, because of course, the little rat had to copy everything about his older sister.

Alina laughed at that.

"The little girl seems very happy for someone who's about to get into a fight?" were the words with which Botkin received her.

Alina fought back the need to recoil. The only time she had won so far had been against Zoya, …if one could consider that a win given what happened right after.

"Maybe I'll be lucky today." she beamed at him.

Botkin seemed almost surprised.

"Positivity is fine, little girl, but you need to focus during a fight. But first." he clapped his hands twice, immediately getting all the attention. "Run around the lake. Twice. The last one to get back here will help the stable hands for the rest of the day."

Alina really ran like never before that day.

Her side hurt, and she almost felt like she wasn't getting enough air; but after the first half, her legs didn't burn so much anymore, and she felt almost as good as she did when walking.

"Damn, Starkov." she turned her head to see that Michail, a heartrender with a hard-shaped face and kind, green eyes, was easily keeping up with her. "When did you get this fast?"

"Practice." she said, a little breathless but feeling nice with the cold air slapping against her face. "Besides, I really don't wanna end up in the stables."

He laughed at that.

"That makes two of us. I hate those animals."

Alina frowned. She just didn't wanna clean up their shit, but other than that, she could find nothing wrong with horses.

"Why?"

"Those long faces," he said, gesturing over his own. "they're scary."

"You're scared of horses?!" she asked, disbelieving. 

"Why don't you yell it a little louder?" he asked, looking around at the disperse group, but he was smirking. They weren't at the front, but they weren't slagging at the back either.

"Sorry." she leaned in. "I'll keep your secret if you help me not to be the last."

"I don't think you need my help," he laughed. "but sure."

She got knocked down on her ass by a short Inferni woman with dark blonde hair, but Alina laughed it off, hiding her embarrassment, and stretched out a hand. The Inferni rose an eyebrow and then helped her up.

"Thanks." she told her, dusting off the back of her kefta.

"For kicking your ass?"

"Hey, I think I did learn a thing or two." she winked. "Next time I'll be ready."

"Oh, so you want a rematch?" the woman asked, amused, as she crossed her arms over her chest. 

"If you're up for it." Alina shrugged.

"Deal." they shook hands. "But it'll have to wait until we're done with him." she said, nodding towards Botkin, who was busy making rounds, watching the others. "I'm Natasha, by the way."

"Alina."

"Oh, I know. Everyone knows." she smiled once more before retreating to a small group of Inferni that had reunited by a corner.

As she passed by the lake in her usual route to Baghra's hut, Alina got startled by the damage she had done to the perfectly green grass. Gardeners were still at work getting rid of the black mass she had left in her path, going so far as to dig into the earth. They saw her passing and glanced up, some frightened, others definitely not amused.

"I am so sorry." she whispered frantically, before hurrying her steps.

"Don't let the heat out!" was all the greeting she got from the ancient woman.

Alina closed the door and hurried to the chair that awaited her. She was smiling.

"I don't think that will be a problem." she said, proud of herself.

She scoffed. "So I have heard. Show me." she said, hitting her in the arm with her cane.

"Ouch!"

With a nasty frown, Alina placed her palms in front of the others and called the light that she had rejected for so long. So eager to answer, her power rushed through and out of her, and she was almost puzzled by its intensity. She focused on keeping the orb small.

"Uh. Well, it took you long enough."

"A 'Congratulations' would be nice."

She got hit again. Her light wavered and then solidified again.

"Congratulations? What? Do you want a parade thrown in your honour as well? For what? Doing what you were supposed to do your entire life? Shut up and expand the orb. Make it encompass the entire place."

With deep breaths, both to concentrate and control her anger, Alina steadily expanded her light, making it fill the hut.

"Bend it to its shape."

Carefully, she tried to do as she was told.

"You were right, about being held back." she uttered as she tried to shape her light to blend in with the walls.

"I know." the woman said, petulant. "Now call it back and repeat until there is no effort to it."

Alina tried, and tried again, but as eager as her power was to explode, her body was eager for a long, long nap. There had been so much repression, so much denial for so many years, that it was as if the light wanted to just explode out of her body and consume it all.

It scared her a little, but she focused.

The Darkling had told her she was magnificent, Alina remembered, and he had made it sound like she was capable of anything.

The way his grey eyes shone with such intensity, like he wanted to engulf her into his arms and have her all to his own, the way in which his hand felt against hers, or how just even being next to him made her want to lean into and over him like a lazy, overly clingy cat. 

She'd lay on top of him all day if she could.

Alina wondered what would've happened if Genya hadn't arrived at the moment she did. Would The Darkling had kissed her? What would his lips taste like? How would his beard feel against her skin? Just exactly how good was he with his tongue?

Alina blushed. The light flickered, as if excited at the mere idea of the man.

She had kissed a few people before, but him, there was something about him that told her that if he should kiss her only once, she'd spend the rest of her life running after the very same sensation and more.

"Dreaming about your dark prince again?"

She looked at Baghra.

"What?" looking around, she noticed that her light had expanded farther than the hut and she was glowing.

Alina snapped her hands, and everything was dark again. Her fingers tingled with power, her eyelids closed with exhaustion.

"I-I wasn't-" she blinked rapidly, trying to adjust to the new environment.

"Stupid, stupid girl. You need to focus on your task."

"I'd concentrate better if I wasn't being hit every five min-OUCH!"

"Do not make excuses with me. You are lazy, easily distracted, you do not know what you are getting yourse-"

"You know, for someone who's supposed to be such a great teacher, I've still got to see some actual teaching." Alina snapped. "All you do is yell at me, hit me and belittle me; yet one conversation with The General I can finally summon." the brunette spat, each word more angrier than the previous one. "So don't try to blame me for your shortcomings."

Baghra was silent, nostrils flaring. When it looked like she might raise her cane and hit Alina right in the head with it, she opened her thin lips instead:

"Out." she uttered, almost inaudible. "Out! And do not come back!"

"Gladly!"

Alina stood up and marched for the door, her steps almost as loud as the insults the old woman was throwing after her.

"Stupid girl! Unconscious! Just another pawn of his! You never learn! Lazy! Stupid! Blind!"

 It was a good thing the old crone couldn't see the tears of frustration and shame in her eyes.

She was on her way back to the Little Palace, trying to decide if she should bathe or go to the library first.

Baghra’s words still rang in her head.

Maybe, if she was quick, really quick with her bath,...but then again, she was getting too used to such a luxury, that once in there it was quite difficult to leave unless the water turned cold.

But if she went to the library, she’d be there until the words blurred and her eyes burned.

On the other hand, there were other grisha in the library, and she couldn’t afford to walk in there smelling like-

"Alina?"

General Kirigan's smooth voice had her turning on her heels, hand still massaging the spot on her arm Baghra's cane had so harshly landed. She had managed to hold back the tears, but the woman's word still stung.

"Moi Soverennyi." She greeted but forgot to bow.

He looked at her arm.

"How was your lesson?"

"I spent months with her and nothing; five minutes with you and I can summon." She basically spat, still bitter at Baghra's harsh words. "I think that speaks for itself."

He smiled, almost.

"Give the old woman some credit. She is good at what she does."

"Terrorizing isn't teaching." she replied, and then, with her head high, added: "She didn't get me to summon."

"No." The Darkling agreed, taking a step towards her. All engulfed in his black cloak, he almost seemed to float. "You did it. It was all you." He said it with such reverence that her breath became shallow.

She didn't look away from his eyes. The storms swirling in there were magnetic. There was so much going on in there at the moment, yet it all sped up through those grey orbs so fast she couldn't make sense of it.

"Why don't you teach me?" The words slipped from her tongue before she could think better of it.

He rose an eyebrow, taking another predatory step towards her.

"I serve the King. I run an entire army. I do not have the time to train everyone personally, nor would I want anyone to think they are favoured above others." 

He was so close to her now, she had to crane her neck to look up.

"You once said there was no one else like us; who could be a better teacher?"

In truth, she also wanted to see him more often. Glimpses as he passed through the Little Palace or left Os Alta, and the occasional conversation weren't enough for her.

"You flatter me, Miss Starkov."

"I only state my opinion." she took a step, shortening the distance, like he was a magnet calling for her.

Mirth shone in his eyes. It made her smile. 

"I will be going away for a few weeks." At this, her smile fell, and his formed as he tilted her chin up with his gloved fingers.

Alina stared up into his eyes, dark with something.

"I'll miss you." She whispered, foolishly, without thought. 

"Will you?" He asked, almost perplexed for a moment.

She found herself nodding.

"I know we don't get much chance to talk, but I like talking to you." She confessed, a knot in her throat. "You understand all,...this." she flickered her fingers and a tiny orb of light formed above her hand.

His eyes followed suit, almost fascinated, like he still couldn't quite believe her power was real. And when he looked at her, it was like he couldn't believe she was real.

His hand rose and shadows swallowed her light. Alina watched them dance, entranced by his power, and noticed it taking shape.

"For you." The Darkling said, handing her a black rose, from the base of its steam to the very last petal. "To remember me by while I am gone."

Disbelieving, she reached out and gasped as she touched the shadow. There was a little bit of gold in there, her own power hidden within, shimmering weakly here and there.

"I don't have anything to give you." She said, lamenting.

He leaned down, his beard rough against her soft cheek.

"Trust me, Alina," he whispered, her name on his lips against her ear making her tremble. "I could not forget you if I tried."

There was the whisper of a kiss against her cheek that seemed to linger for the longest moment, …and then he was leaving, cloak flipping behind him as he left the sun Summoner holding onto a small piece of shadow and a piece of her heart gone with him.

Click here for chapter Five

[strathgirl]

You never think it'll happen to you. That the day would never come when you get a call. A call that would flip your entire world upside down and change your life forever. Since that call, your life will forever be different and a hole in your heart will forever be left empty. People will tell you that it'll get easier, that the pain won't be as bad as right now, but they lied. It doesn't get easier and the pain remains the same; we are just forced to live with that aching, gut-wrenching pain for the rest of our lives. A life missing. A life that no matter how much you pray, cry, and scream, will never come back. You'll ask God why. You'll get so angry at Him for taking such a beautiful, kind soul from you. For taking the only person that could ever cheer you up on a rainy day or the only one who would actually listen. The one who put everything into perspective and told you exactly how it is. He took the person you loved the most and you'll spend the rest of your life wondering why. Why it wasn't you instead. Why it was him. But you'll never know.

You used to tell me to look at the stars because I never knew when it'd be the last time looking at them together. I wish I would've taken you seriously when you said that and not just shrugged it off as if you were invincible. But you were invincible to me. You always told me how you were okay, that you weren't going anywhere. You promised to walk me down the aisle and be there for me every step of the way. You had my back and protected me when no one else did. You always made sure I was okay and if I wasn't, you were right there. I was always reminded that I would see you again, but I never knew that the last time I saw you, would be the last time I saw you for eternity. And had I known that, Dad, I would've hugged you harder and I wouldn't of let go. I would've told you how much I love you, over and over again. I even would've told you how sorry I am for causing you so much hell as a child. How terrible I felt every time I back talked and made you feel so angry at me. I would've done anything to save you and keep you here with me because now I'm a fatherless child who has no idea what to do when things go wrong. I don't know who to turn to when my life doesn't make sense or who to run to when I just need to get away. I constantly find myself ready to send you a call, but I remember that I won't get a response. I keep waiting to wake up from this bad dream, but you're really gone and there's nothing in the world that can change that. My nightmare turned into my reality and my biggest fear came true.

I remember losing you like it was yesterday. The way my whole world stood still and I couldn't breathe. I couldn't feel. My whole body was numb. My heart was numb. I couldn't process losing you. Watching you lay there, lifeless. You never wanted me to see you like that, but I did and I'm so sorry that it had to end that way. But the thing is, Dad, I couldn't feel you. I wanted so desperately to feel you wrap your arms around me or show me that everything would be okay. You didn't. You were just gone and I didn't have the chance to say goodbye. Since that day, my world hasn't been the same. I haven't been the same. How could I be the same person I was before I lost half of my heart? Of course I'm not the only one that's lost a parent, but no one warned me about all the pain and suffering that comes with it. Or how it doesn't end. It keeps going on and on forever and ever. One second I think I'm doing okay, then I remember everything and I break down all over again. It's a never ending cycle. Some days it's bearable and others I scream at the top of my lungs begging for you back. Death changes you. It changes your life. It changes everything. And there's never coming back from that.

Then, everything changed. I changed. I somehow took 20 steps backwards and 30 steps forward. As crazy as it sounds, I actually became a stronger, better me, Dad. Someone you would actually be proud of. Without you I've lost myself, but grown as a person. I'm not sure how that will ever make sense, but even without you physically here, you're still teaching me things along the way. I'm finally at peace with myself, God, and everything in between. I'm finally content and happy. The pain, oh it's never ending, but somehow I bear with it and keep moving forward. The only reason why is because of you. Because you push me, harder and harder everyday. Even if I fall, you're right there to catch me and pick me up again. You remind me of the life I was blessed with and the places I still have yet to go. You remind me to keep going and to not give up. I've tried giving up and you won't let me. The toughest year of my life has been the biggest learning experience and luckily, I'm never alone. You've made sure of that. I might never understand why, but I know you're right next to me every step of the way. And I can't thank you enough for that.

The good memories outweigh the bad. The positive outweighs the negative. Where I lost hope, I gained it back again. You see, it was far from easy. It was an everyday challenge. I would stay in bed for hours each day and not have motivation to move, but somehow you got me to pick myself up and go on. I would lay in bed and stare at your picture and just cry, for hours. Asking God why. I didn't get why it had to be you. Or why it had to be so soon. I didn't know how to handle the death of such a loved one. It broke me and tore me apart. It made me go crazy, insane even. It felt like my world was done and over with, but you gave me hope again. You gave me the strength I needed to live. You showed me why I have to be here and why you have to be there. I'm finally okay with that. I'm finally accepting the loss of you.

You taught me everything I know. You took me under your wing and made me your whole world. From teaching me to drive, to throwing out a line; you were the guidance I needed. Without you, I wouldn't of had anyone. My life would be a whole different story. Luckily, God blessed me with you. Even though time was cut far too short, I was still lucky enough to have had you and all the lessons you taught me. And for that alone, I couldn't be more thankful. You see Dad, from losing you, I've learned how precious time is. How you never know if you're going to wake up tomorrow or if your life will be taken from you. I live every day like its my last, now. I leave no words unspoken. I don't leave things on bad terms with anyone. You have shown me first hand what its like to lose someone without expectation. Without knowing it was coming. And that alone, was enough to change my outlook on life. The hardest time of my life turned into the greatest lesson I've ever learned.

Here's to the lowest time of my life to the highest. The hardest and the easiest. Here's to you. For not being seen or heard, but being present and listening. Somehow you have let me move on and push through the pain, tears, and suffering. I'm no longer numb and I'm no longer afraid to cry. Or to hurt. Because it's all a part of the process. It just shows how much you meant to me and how much of an impact you left on my life. You were so loved and so special to me. Luckily, your memory carries on through me. Even though you won't walk me down the aisle or see the kids I have some day, I know you'll be watching from heaven, smiling down, reminding me to not worry about you, but to worry about me. I know you'll protect us and be so proud of the person I'm becoming and the person I will be. I know you'll always be right there, just as if you were alive. I live my life for me, but I live it for you too, Dad. To the dreams you weren't able to accomplish, I'm here to do that for you. Even when I fall, I know you'll catch me and pick me up again. There will always be hard days, but I'll never be alone.

Thank you for giving me the best life I could ask for and for being the best Dad. For cheering me on and always being my biggest fan. For supporting my decisions, even if they weren't the best and for loving me unconditionally. I'll always miss you and I'll never ever forget you. Days, months, and years will come and go, but you'll live on forever. You will always have a piece of my heart that I'll never get back, until we meet again. I love you.

[strathgirl]

You never think it'll happen to you. That the day would never come when you get a call. A call that would flip your entire world upside down and change your life forever. Since that call, your life will forever be different and a hole in your heart will forever be left empty. People will tell you that it'll get easier, that the pain won't be as bad as right now, but they lied. It doesn't get easier and the pain remains the same; we are just forced to live with that aching, gut-wrenching pain for the rest of our lives. A life missing. A life that no matter how much you pray, cry, and scream, will never come back. You'll ask God why. You'll get so angry at Him for taking such a beautiful, kind soul from you. For taking the only person that could ever cheer you up on a rainy day or the only one who would actually listen. The one who put everything into perspective and told you exactly how it is. He took the person you loved the most and you'll spend the rest of your life wondering why. Why it wasn't you instead. Why it was him. But you'll never know.

You used to tell me to look at the stars because I never knew when it'd be the last time looking at them together. I wish I would've taken you seriously when you said that and not just shrugged it off as if you were invincible. But you were invincible to me. You always told me how you were okay, that you weren't going anywhere. You promised to walk me down the aisle and be there for me every step of the way. You had my back and protected me when no one else did. You always made sure I was okay and if I wasn't, you were right there. I was always reminded that I would see you again, but I never knew that the last time I saw you, would be the last time I saw you for eternity. And had I known that, Dad, I would've hugged you harder and I wouldn't of let go. I would've told you how much I love you, over and over again. I even would've told you how sorry I am for causing you so much hell as a child. How terrible I felt every time I back talked and made you feel so angry at me. I would've done anything to save you and keep you here with me because now I'm a fatherless child who has no idea what to do when things go wrong. I don't know who to turn to when my life doesn't make sense or who to run to when I just need to get away. I constantly find myself ready to send you a call, but I remember that I won't get a response. I keep waiting to wake up from this bad dream, but you're really gone and there's nothing in the world that can change that. My nightmare turned into my reality and my biggest fear came true.

I remember losing you like it was yesterday. The way my whole world stood still and I couldn't breathe. I couldn't feel. My whole body was numb. My heart was numb. I couldn't process losing you. Watching you lay there, lifeless. You never wanted me to see you like that, but I did and I'm so sorry that it had to end that way. But the thing is, Dad, I couldn't feel you. I wanted so desperately to feel you wrap your arms around me or show me that everything would be okay. You didn't. You were just gone and I didn't have the chance to say goodbye. Since that day, my world hasn't been the same. I haven't been the same. How could I be the same person I was before I lost half of my heart? Of course I'm not the only one that's lost a parent, but no one warned me about all the pain and suffering that comes with it. Or how it doesn't end. It keeps going on and on forever and ever. One second I think I'm doing okay, then I remember everything and I break down all over again. It's a never ending cycle. Some days it's bearable and others I scream at the top of my lungs begging for you back. Death changes you. It changes your life. It changes everything. And there's never coming back from that.

Then, everything changed. I changed. I somehow took 20 steps backwards and 30 steps forward. As crazy as it sounds, I actually became a stronger, better me, Dad. Someone you would actually be proud of. Without you I've lost myself, but grown as a person. I'm not sure how that will ever make sense, but even without you physically here, you're still teaching me things along the way. I'm finally at peace with myself, God, and everything in between. I'm finally content and happy. The pain, oh it's never ending, but somehow I bear with it and keep moving forward. The only reason why is because of you. Because you push me, harder and harder everyday. Even if I fall, you're right there to catch me and pick me up again. You remind me of the life I was blessed with and the places I still have yet to go. You remind me to keep going and to not give up. I've tried giving up and you won't let me. The toughest year of my life has been the biggest learning experience and luckily, I'm never alone. You've made sure of that. I might never understand why, but I know you're right next to me every step of the way. And I can't thank you enough for that.

The good memories outweigh the bad. The positive outweighs the negative. Where I lost hope, I gained it back again. You see, it was far from easy. It was an everyday challenge. I would stay in bed for hours each day and not have motivation to move, but somehow you got me to pick myself up and go on. I would lay in bed and stare at your picture and just cry, for hours. Asking God why. I didn't get why it had to be you. Or why it had to be so soon. I didn't know how to handle the death of such a loved one. It broke me and tore me apart. It made me go crazy, insane even. It felt like my world was done and over with, but you gave me hope again. You gave me the strength I needed to live. You showed me why I have to be here and why you have to be there. I'm finally okay with that. I'm finally accepting the loss of you.

You taught me everything I know. You took me under your wing and made me your whole world. From teaching me to drive, to throwing out a line; you were the guidance I needed. Without you, I wouldn't of had anyone. My life would be a whole different story. Luckily, God blessed me with you. Even though time was cut far too short, I was still lucky enough to have had you and all the lessons you taught me. And for that alone, I couldn't be more thankful. You see Dad, from losing you, I've learned how precious time is. How you never know if you're going to wake up tomorrow or if your life will be taken from you. I live every day like its my last, now. I leave no words unspoken. I don't leave things on bad terms with anyone. You have shown me first hand what its like to lose someone without expectation. Without knowing it was coming. And that alone, was enough to change my outlook on life. The hardest time of my life turned into the greatest lesson I've ever learned.

Here's to the lowest time of my life to the highest. The hardest and the easiest. Here's to you. For not being seen or heard, but being present and listening. Somehow you have let me move on and push through the pain, tears, and suffering. I'm no longer numb and I'm no longer afraid to cry. Or to hurt. Because it's all a part of the process. It just shows how much you meant to me and how much of an impact you left on my life. You were so loved and so special to me. Luckily, your memory carries on through me. Even though you won't walk me down the aisle or see the kids I have some day, I know you'll be watching from heaven, smiling down, reminding me to not worry about you, but to worry about me. I know you'll protect us and be so proud of the person I'm becoming and the person I will be. I know you'll always be right there, just as if you were alive. I live my life for me, but I live it for you too, Dad. To the dreams you weren't able to accomplish, I'm here to do that for you. Even when I fall, I know you'll catch me and pick me up again. There will always be hard days, but I'll never be alone.

Thank you for giving me the best life I could ask for and for being the best Dad. For cheering me on and always being my biggest fan. For supporting my decisions, even if they weren't the best and for loving me unconditionally. I'll always miss you and I'll never ever forget you. Days, months, and years will come and go, but you'll live on forever. You will always have a piece of my heart that I'll never get back, until we meet again. I love you.