#i wrote this in an absolute feverish haze at like 1 am so if it's completely incoherent im so sorry

[sokoviaaccordsarticle16]

for the writing ask meme: 1, 2, 3, 6, 8, 16, 17 <3

1) Who is your favorite character to write for and is this the character you find easiest to write for?

My favorite character to write for is actually probably Jack Rollins (although I haven’t written much with him as the POV character yet!). I just love writing him as somebody who’s always getting dragged into situations he wants absolutely nothing to do with, and I’ve always gotten a kick out of writing emotionally unintelligent characters who are forced to deal with extremely complex situations.

That being said, I think Bucky is actually the easiest character for me to write for - I’ve just written a ton from his POV at this point, and he’s the most “familiar”‘character to write in some ways.

2) What is your favorite fic of yours?

Oooh this one is tough, but I think imma go with No Good Deed, just because I really did love writing Rollins’ POV and I had the absolute best time gaming it out with @spintwinwb! I also, personally, have such a soft spot for mutual non-con, escalating misunderstandings, and inappropriately dark comedy, so this was basically me getting to indulge in all of my favorite tropes.

3) What fic of yours do you think is underrated?

Haha this is also difficult! I am not sure this one counts as underrated, because - frankly - I pretty much just wrote it for myself in a feverish 2am haze following a too-long study session at college, but a hollow space in reality is one of my old favorites of my stuff. There was almost zero editing involved, and it shows, and it’s basically me just mashing up Inception, TDKR, and Mad Max in a blender and shaking out 900 words of weirdness, but I have such a soft spot for it despite it never doing the big numbers

6) Do you outline your fics? If so, how?

I pretty much outline all my fics unless I’m planning on having them be less than 1k words or so. How detailed will kinda vary, but I’ll figure out generally what I want to happen in each scene, and then sometimes make notes if there’s a particular emotion I’ll want to include or something specific I’ll want to highlight. I don’t always end up following my initial outlines 100% though, sometimes as I’m writing I’ll decide to go in another direction, but usually the overall plot, at least, will stay the same.

8) Do you take inspiration from real life? If so how do you incorporate it into your fics?

I think to the same extent everyone does, like pull from my own emotional/physical experiences when I’m writing for ease of reference! Otherwise, I don’t really make a point to draw from real life, although I’m sure a degree of that is probably inevitable!

16) Do you have a method for getting characters to sound/feel in character?

Just rewatching their scenes!

17) Do you have any wips that you can tell us about? What are you most excited for in you wip?

Ooh I’ve got a couple, all in various stages of progress 😅 I’m not sure how many of these I’ll actually end up finishing, but I’d like to (ideally!) get most of them done before 2023! There’s a Pepper/Natasha fic circa Iron Man 2, a fic about young Rollins getting forced to be the Soldier’s handler (in this one the handler doesn’t really have much authority over the Soldier, and is mostly just acts as a chauffeur and weapon-picker-up), and a Calico Jack/Izzy fic set just before episode 8 (Calico Jack is Izzy’s biggest - and only - fan)

[aelinbitch-archive]

literal YEARS ago an anon asked me to expand on tog characters’ enneagram types and i have no idea why i’m starting with him of all people but here’s why I think chaol is a type six

(even if you don’t know what the enneagram is you can def still read and understand this if you’re interested in a shady analysis of Chaol’s character)

Ok I’ve been thinking about Chaol (cursed sentence) because I realized that I’ve been 110% sure for so long that he’s a six but that it’s also possible he’s a one. And it’s tough for me to make a final call because I could not be less willing to go back and read his chapters, which means I don’t have anything to work with except what I remember. Buuut I’m pretty sure my initial instinct is right and that he’s a six, so let’s review:

The case for Chaol as a six

Brief overview: “The committed, security-oriented type. Sixes are reliable, hard-working, responsible, and trustworthy. Excellent "troubleshooters," they foresee problems and foster cooperation, but can also become defensive, evasive, and anxious—running on stress while complaining about it. They can be cautious and indecisive, but also reactive, defiant and rebellious. They typically have problems with self-doubt and suspicion.”

Doesn’t tell us much, but could reasonably be Chaol (but so could the description for type 1). Especially, in my humble onion, the “foreseeing problems” part. Think about his treatment of Celaena/Aelin in both books 1 and 4.

Stress/Growth: In stress, 6 goes to dark 3 (competitive and arrogant). I’m not sure how well those words fit specifically in the context of Chaol, but I do feel like I see glimmers of this concept. Like... insisting to Celaena in the first few books that his view of the world is Correct and Better Than Hers. And in growth, 6 goes to 9, which basically just means they just Chill Out, so, sure.

“We have named personality type Six The Loyalist because, of all the personality types, Sixes are the most loyal to their friends and to their beliefs. They will “go down with the ship” and hang on to relationships of all kinds far longer than most other types. Sixes are also loyal to ideas, systems, and beliefs...” 

Everyone who follows this blog knows I’m not by any stretch a Cha*rian stan but... tell me this isn’t him with Dorian (and Adarlan).

The biggest reason my instinct for Chaol is type 6 is because sixes, especially counterphobic ones, are characterized so much by their over-identification/over-commitment/allegiance to structures that they perceive as providing them with security, and Chaol’s devotion to Adarlan and Dorian (and semi-understandable meltdown when those things get pulled out from under him) really aligns with this. 

“The reason Sixes are so loyal to others is that they do not want to be abandoned and left without support—their Basic Fear.“

I think the reason he was such a little bitch in QoS was because Celaena left (even though... he...... sent her away..............) AND Dorian turned into a Valg AND he lost his job/old life so it was kind of the perfect storm to trigger his fear of being abandoned and without security.

“They also tend to fear making important decisions, although at the same time, they resist having anyone else make decisions for them.”

True.

“If Sixes feel that they have sufficient back up, they can move forward with some degree of confidence. But if that crumbles, they become anxious and self-doubting, reawakening their Basic Fear. (“I’m on my own! What am I going to do now?”)” 

One of the reasons I sometimes doubt Chaol is a six is because sixes are so anxious, and when I recall him in the first few books, he generally seems pretty decisive. But I think that was because 1) he was completely secure in his position and able to be more confident because of that and 2) if he’s a 6 than he definitely has a 5 wing, which makes sixes more serious and steady. 

So then when we look at him in QoS when he lacks any kind of security, I think we definitely see more anxiety and unease.

“Until they can get in touch with their own inner guidance, Sixes are like a ping-pong ball that is constantly shuttling back and forth between whatever influence is hitting the hardest in any given moment. Because of this reactivity, no matter what we say about Sixes, the opposite is often also as true. They are both strong and weak, fearful and courageous, trusting and distrusting, defenders and provokers...”

This is really interesting and kind of shows up in Chaol’s relationships with Dorian and Celaena/Aelin and Nesryn and Yrene. Like for sure a lot of it is also just his natural character development over the story, but I think it’s kind of interesting that when he’s closest with Dorian, he’s Adarlan’s #1 cheerleader, then when he’s dating Celaena, he’s vowing to bring Endovier down with his bare hands or whatever, then when he’s on his own/with Nesryn, everyone needs to get their head out of the clouds and focus on Practical Things except for him when he wants to save Dorian, and Aelin, who once inspired him to think differently, is now unreliable and frivolous and tyrannical. 

“When they learn to face their anxieties, however, Sixes understand that although the world is always changing and is, by nature uncertain, they can be serene and courageous in any circumstance.” 

As much as I don’t care for him, I think he gets there by KoA.

“Levels of Development” is very convincing.

“Level 3: Dedicated to individuals and movements in which they deeply believe. Community builders: responsible, reliable, trustworthy. Hard-working and persevering, sacrificing for others, they create stability and security in their world, bringing a cooperative spirit. Average Levels Level 4: Start investing their time and energy into whatever they believe will be safe and stable. Organizing and structuring, they look to alliances and authorities for security and continuity. Constantly vigilant, anticipating problems. Level 5: To resist having more demands made on them, they react against others passive-aggressively. Become evasive, indecisive, cautious, procrastinating, and ambivalent. Are highly reactive, anxious, and negative, giving contradictory, "mixed signals." Internal confusion makes them react unpredictably. Level 6: To compensate for insecurities, they become sarcastic and belligerent, blaming others for their problems, taking a tough stance toward "outsiders." Highly reactive and defensive, dividing people into friends and enemies, while looking for threats to their own security. Authoritarian while fearful of authority, highly suspicious, yet, conspiratorial, and fear-instilling to silence their own fears. Unhealthy Levels Level 7: Fearing that they have ruined their security, they become panicky, volatile, and self-disparaging with acute inferiority feelings. Seeing themselves as defenseless, they seek out a stronger authority or belief to resolve all problems. Highly divisive, disparaging and berating others

Levels 3 and 4 are very book 1. And I mean, Level 6 (and even 7)? That’s QoS Chaol right there in a nutshell. That’s all of his behavior towards Aelin. And Level 5? His treatment of Nesyrn. The mixed signals, the passive-aggression, the belligerence.

Convincing quotes from the “Growth Suggestions” section: “You tend to get edgy and testy when you are upset or angry, and can even turn on others and blame them for things you have done or brought on yourself. Be aware of your pessimism: it causes you dark moods and negative thought patterns that you tend to project on reality.” and “Sixes tend to overreact when they are under stress and feeling anxious. Learn to identify what makes you overreact. Also realize that almost none of the things you have feared so much has actually come true. Even if things are as bad as you think, your fearful thoughts weaken you and your ability to change things for the better.”

Like... as of KoA.......is Aelin a dictator who burned everyone in Adarlan to a crisp with her monstrous power? Are "normal” humans enslaved by the might of magic wielders? No? Interesting.

There’s also a lot of really convincing stuff in the “Sixes in a Relationship with Eights” (Aelin is an 8 for sure) section

“Sixes tend to look up to the Eights as their hero, while Eights are touched by the Six's devotion and courage.”

“For the most part, [the Eight expecting to be in charge] is also fine with Sixes, except for those times when Sixes feel the need to push back and to prove themselves. They need to show others (including the Eight) that they cannot be pushed around or taken advantage of. Power struggles of all kinds can ensue. This is especially true of "counterphobic" Sixes who can actually react much like Eights, displaying leadership, decisiveness and independence (on the positive side) as well as bluster, aggression, and defiance.”

For me, this mostly recalls QoS, but I also think that Chaol’s decision not to tell Celaena about Nehemia being “questioned” could be an example of Chaol needing to push back and prove himself. This shit did not appear out of nowhere in book 4.

Ok and finally, quotes from the “Type 6 as Compared to Type 1″ section

“What these two types have in common is the tendency to feel guilty when they do something contrary either to their ideals (Ones) or to the commitments to allies, beliefs, and authorities they have made (Sixes)”

This is a really close call, because Chaol has screamed “HONROR LOYALTY DUTY” into the void so many times that it seems like he’s a One - loyal to ideals. But I think, based on textual evidence I am not at all willing to review, his main anxiety is about being a traitor to Dorian, to his position in Adarlan, and to his title. It’s true that he believed these things made him honorable and loyal, and betraying them caused him to lose this, but I think that’s less of a morally-driven cognitive dissonance thing and more just the way he expresses his guilt over leaving Dorian. (And his outrage over having those systems/allies/beliefs that brought him security pulled away).

“Average Sixes are anxious, indecisive, ambivalent, and, above all, reactive. They find it difficult to relate to others with self-confidence as equals, tending either to become too dutiful and dependent or to go to the opposite extreme and become rebellious and defiant. Sometimes they get stuck in the middle and become ambivalent, indecisive, and vacillating.”

Literally? Break this down chunk by chunk for Chaol and you get: Dorian (too dutiful and dependent), Aelin (rebellious and defiant), and “Celaena”/Nesryn (ambivalent, indecisive, and vacillating).

“Righteous anger, irritation, and moral indignation are the principal negative emotions in Ones, whereas fearfulness, suspicion, and anxiety are the principal negative feelings in Sixes.“

This sentence right here is what almost made me doubt myself and type him as a One instead (which for sure could still be a possibility! I could always be wrong). Because Chaol definitely has all the preachyness and moral indignation of a One. 

But! Working with the theory that he’s a Six, couldn’t his moral indignation (mostly towards Celaena/Aelin) also be the result of his job and circumstance - the systems he has attached himself to in order to remain safe? He’s... a cop, basically. So his contempt/superiority complex towards a notorious criminal makes sense. And as a loyal follower of the man he thinks is The Best Prince Ever, his condemnation of the actions of this powerful, seemingly unstable new queen makes sense. It’s not necessarily ACTUAL moral indignation, it’s just... indignation period, expressed using the kind of morally superior language one might expect from an ~honorable~, well-to-do captain of the guard.

My working theory is: it’s not that his ~unwavering principles~ lead him to be truly, genuinely in opposition to Aelin’s actions (he goes back and forth maybe 10 times over the course of the series on whether or not it’s morally acceptable that she kills people), it’s that he deals with his anxiety and fear of Aelin and what she/her power might mean for his future by holding her accountable on the value/moral system he developed while working for Dorian/Adarlan.

Like: “Sixes are uncertain, and rely on reassurance, back-up, familiar procedure, or the sanction of previously tested ideas and philosophies to help them come to decisions.”

It’s a complex issue, but I would view his whole “Honor!!!! Honor Honor Honor!!!!!!! Did I mention Honor?!?!” schtick as a “previously tested philosophy” that helps him come to a decision/judgement rather than an actual One-ish principle. 

“Both are "should" and "must" people: both feel obligated to take care of all duties before relaxing or attending to their own needs. Further down the Levels, both types exhibit a legalistic streak: Sixes at Level 6 are The Authoritarian Rebel and Ones at the same Level are The Judgmental Perfectionist.”

Ones moralize and scold, lecturing others in the name of an ideal about whatever issues are of concern to them. ("Do you have any idea how wasteful it is to use an air conditioner?") Sixes can also give orders, not because of rigid inner standards, but because they are afraid of what they see as the erratic, irresponsible conduct of others potentially disrupting the security and stability they are trying to maintain. They are angered and threatened by others "breaking the rules" and becoming more unpredictable. Sixes identify with certain beliefs or authority figures and internalize the values that they have learned from these sources of guidance. Once they have identified with what they have taken to be trustworthy sources of information about the world, Sixes can be aggressive toward anyone who does not accept the same values as they do. This is especially true when Sixes are more insecure–the more anxious they are, the more they want to cling to whatever positions or allegiances they still believe in.

This, for me, is kind of a slam-dunk in proving Chaol is a Six. If you took that paragraph and replaced “Six/es” with “Chaol” and the vague “others” with “Aelin” and told me it was an analysis of QoS specifically, I would 100% believe it. 

And also, to compare one and six again, just to be sure: does Chaol appear to moralize and scold? Absolutely. Think back to that initial confrontation with Aelin. But when he’s doing it, is he saying “it’s wrong to kill people/use your magic/do whatever because it _____” fill in the blank with an actual ideal of his? No. He doesn’t think she’s in the wrong because she’s going against his ideal of ____ (No Magic? Nope, as Aelin points out, he doesn’t have a problem with Dorian’s power. Power to the People? Nope, hasn’t always been something he worked towards. Nonviolence? Nope, he’s killed as well). He thinks she’s in the wrong because 1) she scares him, 2) she is a contributing factor to his current feelings of insecurity and inferiority, and 3) most unforgivably of all, she’s a threat to Dorian Havilliard, the thing Chaol is still clinging to the most.

Also, I didn’t bring up HoF this whole time (mostly because QoS is such a ripe book for analyzing his character so I tend to overlook the others). But that whole book for him is a prime example of that classic six anxiety that I wondered if he maybe didn’t have enough of to be a six just based on books 1 and 2. He can’t go a second in HoF without worrying about Adarlan and Dorian and the future he thought he had with Celaena and what ~Aelin Galathynius~ means to all of that. 

Also also, while considering whether Chaol might be a one, I was reading about how ones are much more restrained and less prone to outbursts and have more control and how sixes are super reactive. And I was wondering about the scene where Celaena mauls his face and tries to kill him, and thinking hmmm, why doesn’t he freak out and have the guards take her away immediately instead of waiting a few seconds and trying to deal with her on his own? Isn’t that more controlled? And it made me realize an important thing to think about when considering all of this which is that, while he’s dating her, Celaena (and the future he has with her) is one of the “things” Chaol is loyal to. He has an allegiance to her, or at least the version of her he loves/perceives/accepts. Which explains a lot about how differently he treats her before, during, and after he’s involved with her.

Also pt 3, all of this was written using quotes just from the enneagram institute website, which isn’t even that in-depth of a source. If I’d been less lazy I could have whipped out a bible-length book and found passages from there, but that wouldn’t have let me copy and paste, so lol. All I’m saying is don’t assume this website is the entirety of the enneagram, or even like the Official Website for it (it’s not, it’s just a good one). We’re not even getting into subtypes here (maybe I’ll make a follow up post, lol).

So anyway that’s what I think about Chaol! And if you’re curious, this is Aelin.

[the-sinking-ship]

Top 5 of 2020

Rules: It’s time to love yourselves! Choose your 5 (ish) favourite works you created in the past year (fics, art, edits, etc.) and link them below to reflect on the amazing things you brought into the world in 2020. Tag as many writers/artists/etc. as you want (fan or original) so we can spread the love and link each other to awesome works!

I was tagged by @tackytigerfic and @sitp-recs (🤯🤯🤯) and I’m so honored!! Thank you!! I’ve seen this tag floating around and have tried to read every single one I come across because I absolutely love hearing the things authors appreciate about their work. I’m a big supporter of strong-arming friends into self-love because it is so easy to be overly critical of our creative endeavors. 

I’m pretty new around here (I’ve only been posting Drarry since October), but I managed to publish four fics, all of which I am proud of for completely different reasons.

I’m still heckin’ anxious about tagging others because I’m new/just getting to know people and worry I’ll be that annoying person where ya’ll are gonna see my tag and be like THIS BITCH AGAIN?! But I will probably retroactively tag some people if I notice they haven’t had a chance to do this. Everyone should take the time to reflect on their accomplishments, especially after this trash fire of a year. Ya done good!  

Anywho! Here we go. 

1. Criminal. I’m so proud of this fic because a) I love it b) I finished it and c) I actually published it. A tip of my hat to anyone and everyone who has ever completed a piece of writing over 50k because SURPRISE! It’s hard. But I also learned that I fucking love it. That it is what I do best. It is honestly my comfort zone, always has been and always will be. I wrote this fic in complete isolation. I hadn’t yet been introduced to all the lovely and supportive people in this fandom/on the Drarry Discord and wrote Criminal alone, without beta help or cheerleaders, which I’ve discovered is a very lonely process. I didn’t really know if anyone would accept my story or even read it, but I finished it anyway (which, for a person with a wicked case of praise kink, was honestly terrifying). I’m not at all ashamed to say that I’ve read the comments people have left on this fic dozens of times. I’ve felt that telltale lump in my throat because of them. I’ve left them in my inbox for days because just looking at them gives me hope and confidence that words I write can bring joy to others the way other people’s fics have brought me joy. 

2. Stupid Love. This was something I wrote in an almost feverish haze while editing Criminal. Tacky, if you’re reading this, I owe you a debt of gratitude because not only are you a gift to this fandom for your skill, wisdom, and infinite kindness, you are legendary for your fic recs. You were one of the first to shout-out this fic in the Drarry discord and act as my fic-pusher, and because people trust your impeccable taste, they read it. So, thank you for taking a chance on a newcomer.  

I’ve always been insecure about my voice as a writer as it possesses almost none of the qualities I admire in other people’s work (subtlety, nuance, restraint). It’s like, whereas I enjoy a nice glass of pinot noir because it is delicate, artful, and expertly crafted, I feel like I’m over here dumping half of bottle of tequila into a mug shaped like a cat and offering to my readers like eh?????  This piece was flamboyant and ridiculous and so very me, and the fact that people liked it as much as they did felt like a hug. It was the assurance I needed that there is room for my style in this fandom. 

3. Sweet Indulgence. Yeah, I called it that because that’s what it was for me. I’m just over here trying to have a good time and this was so fucking fun to write. It has a similar vibe to Stupid Love and I’m glad it made some people smile. And TBH, this was a big deal because I was scared shitless to tell @fictional that I was writing something based on her art because if she hated it I was going to have to dig a nice deep hole and start my life as a mole-woman. But look at me! Still above ground! And Lynn still talks to me!

4. Quicksilver and Phoenix Fire. This was SO HARD. I’m forever in awe of writers who can create such flawless works with so few words. This was my first ever prompt-fill/wc limit and although I was really self-conscious about it, in retrospect, I’m really pleased with out it turned out. I could have made this 10k, but enjoyed the challenge of working within parameters and think it was a pretty darn successful fic, all things considered.   

Here’s to 2021! I look forward to reading more, writing more, and interacting more. Thanks to everyone who reads/comments/tolerates me because I’m just over here doing what I do best, which is kick down doors to rooms where I’m barely invited, shouting some stupid jokes, and praying to jesus someone laughs. ❤❤❤