#i yearn not for love but a factory reset

[skribblezcorner]

Half-baked zosan fic idea

I will never get around to writing this so heres the shitty grammatically incorrect outline :pppp enjoy

~~~~~~

OK SO BASICALLY SANJI is very physical with everyone - hugging them, forehead kisses, ruffling their hair and kissing their hands n shit - but up until like after the timeskip hes never done it to zoro bc theyre like arch nemeses or whatevs.

One day after like WCI zoro is sleeping on and deck sanji reaches out and ruffles his hair and zoro is like WHATT. It activates so many things hes not prepared for. He goes stiff as a board and sanji backs offf

This happens a few more times - sanji bumps hips w/ zoro when he comes into the kitchen to steal booze and zoro has to act like nethings wrong this time but sanji notices and frowns at him like “tf is wrong with you” and zoro just takes the booze and leaves bc hes so awkward. I love him

Another time theyre at a bar and sanji is drunk and kicks his legs up into zoros lap. Zoro looks over at him and sanji’s making DEAD EYE CONTACT IN THE FACE while raising one eyebrow like.. “What are you gonna do about it/??” zoro doesnt move.

After that day in the bar whenever sanjis close to him he will js use zoro as a leg rest/stool for no apparent reason.

One day theyre exploring an island to go get groceries and some random dude tries to come after their bounty so they beat him up and then they wanna head back to the sunny.

zoro starts off in some random direction but then sanji’s like “thats not the way” and. Grabs. His hand. Like full on fingers intertwined and stuff and zoro just. Full on factory resets 

Sanjis like “wtf is wrong w/ u” for like the 2nd time now

Zoros like “why are u doing all this”

Sanjis says “what” and then zoro says “....touching me.”

and then sanji js looks at him so distraught and is like “sorry” and puts like 3 feet of distance in between them meanwhile Zoro has NO IDEA WHATS HAPPENING. So they walk back to the ship in tense silence and zoro is like ‘i did something wrong… i can feel it in my bones’

And sanji starts backing off after that. like he goes back to the way he acted pre-ts and zoro is now also distraught and sometimes he catches sanji looking at him very strangely (its cause hes YEARNING zoro open your eyes).

 like sanji doesnt even want to fight anymore and theyre both depressed womp womp

this goes on for like two weeks and then NAMI comes up to him and is like “what the FUKC did you do”

zoros like “wtf…. Are you yapping about” and namis like "Sanji is SO DEPRESSED WHAT DID YOU DO“

zoros like ”I DONT KNOWWWW????? WHY WOULD THAT EVER BE MY FAULT”

and then namis like “well there’s obvi something wrong and i will bet 2.5m beli it was YOUR FAULT so go fucking fix this you green-headed dunce.”

and then Usopp shouts from across the room “add the couples therapy bill to his debt” and nami laughs and is like “i totally should”

Zoros like. BACK UP “couples’ therapy????” and nami’s like “oh….OH” and then is like “WHAT ARE YOU BLIND???? HOW HAVE YOU NOT SEEN.”

and then zoros like “I THOUGHT THE COOK WAS STRAIGHTT”

and then Nami’ looks him directly in the eyes. “he wears 5-inch stilettos.”

Zoro’s like… “i thought those were for combat reasons” and nami smacks him upside the head and tells him to go apologize right tf now. Usopp solemnly agrees

That night zoro hears the clack of sanjis footsteps as he goes out to take watch.

Zoro finds him smoking a ciggie in the crows nest and sidles up to him and sanji is like surprised??? Hes like “hi” and tries to put distance between the two of them

Zoro. COMES CLOSER TO HIM. and sanji’s like “what are you doing”

zoro says “why didnt you tell me you were flirting with me” and sanji accidentally inhales his cigarette. Like it fully goes into his mouth and he hacks it back up over the railing of the ship while zoro js stands there. 

After Sanji is done dying he comes back to stand next to zoro and is like “the whole point is to kinda not tell the person”

and then zoros like oh. And then sanji says “well like i backed off so like dont bring it up-” and then zoro cuts him off and is like “I LIKED IT.”

Sanji freezes. Hes like “what…..?” and then zoros like “idk if youre gay or what but first of all if you liked me u could have just said it… but like im sorry i guess” and then he says “i didnt ask you to stop i just asked u why.”

and then sanji is like “so we can..???!?!” and is like gaping and pointing between the two of them and zoros like “yeah you stupid fuckign idiot” and sanji curses him out then kisses him on the mouth. They make out and then fuck in the crows nest duhhh

~~~~~~~~~~~~

i have serious writers block rn and this has been rotting in my google docs for like a month now.... you guys can have this version while i struggle through writing corset sanji for my next ACTUAL ficlet.

ALSO i do have an Ao3 now!! you can find the fics ive written here posted over there as well at SkribblezCorner !! okay bye

[inhwhy]

ahHHh !!! it’s finally happening ! we’re so excited to see virtuehq come to life after having it in the works for literal months, and seeing everyone make our brain children their own is so heartwarming :’ ) with that being said, hello ! my name is kd (she/her, est), and this is your resident #eboy han taesoo a.k.a. the infamous han insoo’s older brother ! he’s a sad excuse for a virtue, even in the hope lineage, but please give him love regardless (i promise you, he needs it) ! leave a like if you want to plot ! @virtuemedia

                   BIOGRAPHY     .     CONNECTIONS     .     PROFILE

(alexa, play the 2009 film ‘my sister’s keeper’ but, like, in reverse)

sometimes, taesoo wonders why he was born when his life clearly doesn’t amount to even an ounce of his brother’s.

he’s not sure why they’re treated so differently; they’re barely a year apart in age, only a few inches in different in height. sure, taesoo has their mother’s eyes, and insoo, he, with their father’s wit. see, they’re not so different. (it’s a weird feeling, you know, to be constantly pitted against someone who lives in your house, eats your food, and steals every fiber of your soul.)

the naive, stupid part of his brain still thinks he’s a good older brother. in ways, they were close, taesoo and insoo—maybe not ‘you’re my best man’ kind of close, but at the end of the day, they’re brothers. blood’s thicker than water, or so the saying goes.

taesoo wears a lot of different hats: insoo’s babysitter, insoo’s secretary, insoo’s bodyguard, insoo’s butler, always, always, always belonging to insoo—never to himself.

at first, taesoo doesn’t mind; rich kids come with their own rich set of problems, and his manifests in a lack of direction. motivation doesn’t come easy when money’s so accessible, and he’d happily let insoo soak up all his ambition if it meant coasting through the rest of his life.

but you can’t survive with a mindset like that in the han family, and when ‘fight or flight’ survival instincts kick in, what other choice does he have than to fend for himself?

it’s university where he learns what it means to be, well, his own person; unfamiliar praise and compliments have him greedier than usual, and it’s then—this brief moment—where there’s this perpetual yearn to live rather than to just be alive.

yet, late bloomers aren’t looked upon so fondly in the han family, and a nomination and eventual initiation into the ‘hope’ lineage all but solidifies his status as inferior, lesser. the one ‘han’ who just couldn’t hack it as a prudence virtue, huh?

it’s sad and annoying and depressing and fucking infuriating all at the same time, but, still, han taesoo doesn’t do emotions. he was never taught feelings. so when overloaded with all these concerns, his first reaction is to just... shut down.

(press his ‘factory reset’ button, put him in rice overnight—it might just absorb all the angst out of him. if that doesn’t work, maybe try a year?)

[rpausandwhatifs]

Something Lost, Something Familiar|| The Return of CyRo

A/N: So I’ve been working on this monster of a story for months and I’m so glad it’s finished! I gotta shout out my babies @nevergoodenoughforthetruth, @wishes-in-the--markmark and @nerdynumme-rp for their characters for me to base jump off of. We have been writing together for so long so I hope they appreciate this story!

Vincent got up early today, even after a late night. Leda wanted to hang out with her friends with Isla so that they were doing something normal couples do- take time for themselves and hang out with their daughter separately. His phone woke him up, but he disguised it under his failed sleep schedule. A familiar contact, buried under so many R’s with no face and obviously long forgotten as a way to think that their number had changed.

“Hello, you’ve reached Vincent Cyr, may I ask who’s calling?” 

“H-hey...Vincent..uhh..yeah..I know it’s been a while…”

“Rosanna?!...I-I...What’s up?”

“Well that’s what I called you for,” her throat was so dry and her lips were sticking together. Words from him came so easily in her mind, but now that she was listening to his morning voice, taking in that straight and professional introduction, she was right back to melting.

“I thought you were a business call or some prankster- I didn’t think this was your number anymore…” he said, hushed and panicked.

“I never got rid of the line...Just in case, or my kids got their first real phone,” she said, barey hiding her childish giggle, “I guess I didn’t think you’d have this number either.”

“Then why call it? Why not factory reset and leave it alone forever-”

“Because you’ve always picked up, just like you have now…” she teased him, still keeping her tone even and slow. She wanted to curl up to him again, allow his smokey breath and crackly voice ravish her nerves just like it used to.

“That was, what, gotta be 2 kids ago. You can’t hold that over me, doll,” he rebutted, biting his lip. He was taken aback by her tact and her swift ways of expressing her paramount interests. He pushed his hair back and sighed, “I’ve got one of my own, and she’ll be up any minute, so whatever you gotta say-”

“I need you.”

“You need me? Need me how?”

“I dunno..It’s..You’ve been on my mind lately and- ugh...I dunno- do you think we could, you know, grab some coffee this week?”

“Didn’t you move to Montana?”

“Not yet, not for another year, we’ve been renting in San Francisco...but what are you doing on Wednesday?”

“Rosanna, what’s wrong?” Vincent straightened as he leaned on his other counter in his kitchen, “I’ve got time today…”

The woman relished in his words of concern, his tone changing brought back the hands that would grace her waist and the eyes reading her body in futile attempts to figure her out. The older they got, the better he was. It was almost exciting to know that he’d make time for her, take risks in the name of what they were. She’d always crave that energy, the deep yearning from him, those huge steady hands making sure she was alright. In this state she didn’t think of her himbo. In these moments the whole world was done away even thought everything felt more real and intense than ever. “Really? Uhh...Mark’s taking the kids to LegoLand and the mall with his friends’ kids, so how about you call me then...and you can pick me up.”

---

Vincent took his Cadillac today, it ran so smooth and quietly after he’d spent a couple of years on it once picking it up from a set liquidation sale. This has happened too many times before for him to be nervous, he was more excited to what this experience was going to bring them. He hadn’t seen her since the baby shower and even then, he knew it was all according to plan.

***

“Vincent~,” the girl said, staring off as the lips she loved covered her shoulder and back.

“Rosanna,” he replied back, not stopping as her body slowly fell into his touch, soft moans filling her throat.

“I’m sorry...but the only way you can be at the shower is if you leave.”

“You really like kicking me out of places, don’t you?” 

“It keeps everybody off the radar.”

“Rosie, I’m not as sick as I used to be. I was never that sick where you had to kick me out of every party we’re at...I don’t think you’re being very fair…”

“It seems like the only way...I-I-I don’t wanna lose him…”

“Listen to me, I was leaving my presidency to live my life because you drove me crazy like this,” he admitted as he turned her around and sat her on his lap. “Look at me, Rosie...I want to see you, even though Mark is there. However, you promised yourself to Mark. The less he knows, the more he hurts. You’re not doing him or me any favors by pitting us against one another; we’re adults not kids. Someone is gonna call the cops, someone is going to issue a restraining order. I want to see you at your happiest even if you’re not mine. I just can’t ignore how you make our experiences so negative.”

“Because I don’t need it, I know it’s wrong. Don’t you think I already wish I wasn’t doing...this?! Why couldn’t it have been...ice cream or sugar or smoking? No it’s not. I’ve been trying to quit, at least for the kids. How do you quit a feeling a person gives you? How do you associate not wanting someone when you literally have everything? Vincent, you’re the one thing that I shouldn’t have...a-and everytime I think I’ve had enough, I’m through, that I’m aware that our experiences are setup this way so I don’t want them, at least I shouldn’t- mmmph~!” her rambling was cut-off from Vincent pressing his lips to hers, getting enthralled into the fleeting seconds of the softness, the rush going through her chest.

“Hey, hey...Look at me...I know you’re trying. And I know that you don’t wanna let this go…” he said softly.

“You don’t know me-”

“I know how you feel...That’s how I feel about a lot of things. I just...need you to be okay. Don’t punish yourself and don’t punish me. You’re headstrong, but your heart is weak-”

“I’m not weak-”

“This is your weakness. Stop fighting. Everybody’s got their thing- this...this is ours.”

“Ours…”

***

He waited for the girl as she made sure she went to the effort of locking her door, rushing across the street, staying silent until he drove off. “Isla?” she asked once she was settled into the car. 

“Hm?...Oh yeah that’s my daughter’s name.”

“Did...did you pick it out?”

“Leda had the idea and I really liked the name, so when she got pregnant it was perfect-”

“You got her pregnant?”

“A few times actually...She doesn’t always like talking about it, but we were off and on for a while and I’ve always been home-base for her. You know how she likes to travel…”

“Why her?” she asked with a slight shake in her voice, trying to hide her bitter jealousy of a beautiful daughter with a suiting name. 

“It’s been her for a while, Rosie. It’s actually because of you that her and I exist.”

“R-really?” she asked, barely being able to catch her breath at the incredulous amount of news she was receiving that she honestly never cared about before. 

“Yeah, she had a lot of identity issues when she hung out with you that were very...how should I put this?...”

“Shallow?” she offered.

“Yes ‘shallow’...is one way to put it. She got off on the fact that she hung out with your dirty little secret. She was interested in your pleasure from me and from your life, but she had no life of her own…”

“So...wait, she knows.”

“She knew.”

“She doesn’t know about-”

“Not at all…”

“What...how does she get better?”

“I simply told her that I’d love her even if it killed you,” he chuckled, lighting a cigarette at a red light. They’ve never done this midday, but Ro’s cheeks were beginning to reflect the light’s terse hue.

Ro looked at Vincent intensely, boiling in her upset and frustration. This wasn’t about that, but why did he have to move on with her? Her hands were wringing her bag, knuckles turning white. How dare she thinks she could just take something that was hers, and has always been hers. “Are you fucking kidding me?...” she growled a little, “You weren’t something I wanted to share, but I-”

“You what? You’re mad that she actually had a life and it was with me when you simply left me out to dry and used me and never cared for me like she has? I wasn’t something that you could just hold onto like that forever. It hurt me for a long time. She did you a favor by listening to me when I told her not to tell anyone, because believe you me...she wanted to expose your ass for all that you were worth. She was so angry that you had made me out to be this monster, and she wasn’t afraid to get close and see me for the man that I really was..we were like..drawn to each other. You can’t get mad if I’m still willing to cheat on her to see you-”

“Don’t tell me how to feel, Vincent!” she snapped.

“I’m not telling you how to feel, I’m giving you the perspective you refused to see. I already had to fight with her for years about it. She loved you and she loves me. If anything, all of this isn’t fair to her because all she wanted was a genuine friend, and someone she could be close to. When she found out you weren’t as great as you led yourself on to be and she felt abandoned when she couldn’t see you when she needed you, and went so far to hide it, she saw you differently, which is something that you never wanted,” Vincent defended Leda quickly, but at the same time dreading that she is going to definitely give him the same heat that her friend gave her.

“So I’m supposed to thank you for keeping her quiet?”

“Quiet and happy, not like you’ll give me the credit,” he scoffed as he said it as an addition to his original thought. 

“You don’t deserve credit for that..that’s just you being a dog, like you always have,” Ro bit back, watching as he pulled into the park, “Where are we going?”

“We’re going to this place I found, it’s not far from the place I took you that one time when we were talking the last time.”

The frosty mint car was still bathed in light as he slowly backed into the shrubbery, the crackling and moving of the branches hiding their car, but not the sun rays. He put the vehicle in park, and turned to look at the girl, who was still steaming about all of the things that haven’t changed since they were kids. It hit her how much everything has changed: his glasses had a real prescription, his hair was frazzled and messy like before, but it was obviously from lack of sleep and raising a toddler, a look she knew all too well. “Vincent…”

“Rosie…” he said, looking at the girl as she put her bag down, taking her own messy bun out of its band, “That’s my girl.”

“Does she hate me?” she asked innocently.

“She doesn’t even think about you anymore, because we usually don’t talk about her during these moments...because it didn’t matter to you. I taught her not to care..She thinks that if you guys linked up now, you guys would have something to talk about, you know, she’s a mom, you’re a mom. You both still fuck me..”

“I’m not talking to her about-”

“I know you’re not, that’s why it never happened..”

“You’re...you’re not married?”

“Nope. We decided that it was too much pressure and we have been so busy it’s not something we really wanted to do, but we have a deep...spiritual connection that certainly feels like marriage...so we figured that was enough-”

“So that justifies cheating on her?”

“You’ve not once justified why you come to me knowing that it’s physical cheating on Mark-”

“I can’t.”

“You’re just a naughty girl is all..Naughty girls love bad boys,” he croons, inching closer to her, “Look at me.”

Ro simply follows and looks at the man, her chest doing cartwheels as she bit her lip, “You’re a bad boy..” she says breathlessly.

“That’s my naughty baby doll..now, get in the back,” he orders and she was quick to crawl over the bench seat and settle deeper into the car. Her excitement rising as she kicked off her canvas shoes and pressed her knees together. He got out of the car and took his shirt off, using it to cover the back window and took a snaky hand up the girl’s tennis skirt. Pushing her knees apart and gripped her thigh, which usually fit in his, but didn’t this time around. He slid Ro down as he began to tower over her, the intimidating presence fueling her excitement.

“God~ you’re so strong…” she breathed before he gently leaned down and gave her a quick kiss on the lips before trailing them to her neck, very careful not to leave marks as discussed and get the woman as hot as she usually gets from this gesture, causing her back to arch.

“You’re just weak for me...so hot and so weak…” he whispered, taking his hand further up and feeling a lack of fabric, “You knew exactly what you’re doing..”

“You know...ah~!..I just can’t help myself…” she exclaimed as she felt his fingers go to work, Vincent’s lips returning to hers as they grind out against his fingers, “it just...it just feels so good.”

“It feels good being bad right?..Being my naughty baby for me..just for me,” he teased her, making her blush and working his fingers just right, “You can be as loud as you want here..nobody but me is gonna hear you…” The girl obliged as her hips bucked against his fingers, her small gasps melting into soft moans. She whines as he holds back, then right back to mewling as he worked her over and over without letting her finish. It was purposeful, and full of control, much like her addiction. How he simply feeds into her, but knowing not to doing too much so that it peaks her need and heightens her want. He offers her the ultimate high, teasing it over the girl who was on the verge of screaming out, and panting heavily after being at it for longer than she expected. She loved how he could wear her out, and just when she’s had enough, he pushes her further- giving the girl what she had been pleading for and doesn’t stop so that she can relish in her high. The woman became a whining and moaning mess as she allowed herself to feel it all, the culmination of years of built up excitement and moments of built up frustration, so much so that it makes her lose control, drenching the man’s arm as he had expected. He gave her the relief while plunging kisses into her lips, becoming loose and sloppy as she gave into the weakness as her pleasure died down. He embraced the girl briefly while she caught her breath and looked at the arm she had been gripping, littered with deep bloody scratches from her nails.

“Oh my god~” she breathed, “I’m so sorry…” Ro got up to rush to grab something from her mom bag to help until she was pulled back down, “I broke a rule...I messed it up...I’m so sorry..”

“It’s fine, they feel good...I’ll deal with it later..it'll dry on it's own...Now, you did break a rule,” he said, a smirk building on his face and a small huff, "So there's gotta be consequences…"

"Babe~" Ro giggled as she sat back down, "I didn't mean it."

"I know..I know, I'll go easy on you this time…"

***

Leda had been feeling off lately, knowing that the pressure from the book had taken up so much of her time and Vincent had been working so hard, she thought that maybe tonight they should do something special. Isla played noisily in the living room as she went at her chapters with new vigor. The excitement of her man coming home and finding dinner and their daughter good and fast asleep so they could have some fun.

She receives a call from one of her friends and decided it was a good time to take a break.

"Heyy what's up?" She said, picking the little girl up as she watched her rub her eyes, ready for a nap.

"Something is wrong..where's your husband?"

"Huh?!"

"I feel something off. And you were acting spacey while we were hanging out but you know how the girls are, I figured I called you...is your husband there?"

"Vincent isn't here he had a call this morning and he had to go out and he took his Caddy to the shop for the day, why?"

"When is the last time you were in that car?"

"You're scaring me, why?"

"He's still a dog and I'm trying to figure something out. I don't want you to waste your time on a night for him and he's cheating on you."

"He gave it up a while ago. He's been taking care of Isla with me...there's no way he's still cheating. I can barely tear him away from the Cadillac," she scoffed giggling.

"But once unfaithful is always unfaithful. He doesn't have a need to stop unless he learns...You should call him and check on your husband. I'll come over and watch Isla for you."

"You still never told me where this is coming from. Maybe you ate something and have been having some bad feelings-"

"Leda listen to me...I saw the Cadillac in San Fran...he was with this short girl I couldn't see, are you sure he's only Isla's father?"

Leda pauses, thinking about it briefly, her heart beginning to race as she lays her daughter down for a nap. She tells the girl to come over and makes sure her daughter gets her sleep as she asks to borrow her car and hangs up. She immediately calls him and doesn't get an answer. Any other day the sultry tones of his answering clip would cause her no issue, but she just couldn't leave it today. 

***

"Fuck…" he says a he takes his phone, signaling to Ro to stay silent.

"Vincent where are you?" She asked trying not to sound frantic, "I've been calling you."

"I'm about to leave the shop, why what's wrong is Isla ok?"

"I'm not calling about her, I'm calling about you...my friend was talking crazy about seeing you in San Francisco...which..there's no way right?"

"Why would I be in San Fran, babe?"

"Rosanna is in San Francisco, she just asked me not too long ago if I wanted to do a play date...but how long you think you're gonna be?"

"Really?..Ro is in Cali? I thought she had moved to that culdesac thing with the others," he looked up to meet Ro's eyes, who had been holding her mouth while he had halted his movements, her blush reddening as he moved his hips again and caresses her waist. Ro panicked as a small yelp escaped, his finger reaching up to quiet her, not slowing his movements.

"Oh so she hadn't called you or anything?.."

"Mmh-mmh...she has no reason to, remember? Moved on and all of that," he said as he shifted quietly and bucked his hips, causing the girl to spill a stifled grunt as he kept bringing her closer to losing it, his eyes never leaving hers.

"Yeah...you got a point babe, maybe I'm overreacting thinking of the past again…" she giggled, "Well hey, my friends were telling me about giving Isla melatonin so she sleeps through the night and apparently through a hurricane..so..I got some and I was thinkiiiiiing….that maybe we could..you know..I make some dinner and we could have a little fun…"

"Well why don't you tell me what you think I was doing if I was with Rosie… that usually gets your mind onto other things…I mean, since you're already thinking and it, " he said as he tilted his head back, knowing that he could speed up and watched Ro look at him in surprise, not able to hide behind the intensity between her legs, taking his thumb out of her mouth and sliding it down to play with her clit properly as she heard Leda explain her fantasy. 

"Hmm well I'm thinking you took the Caddy.. picked her up.. probably taking her to that spot in Joshua Tree where we made Isla… eating her out and shit…" She said with a slight giggle, biting her lip.

“Yeah, how does that feel? Knowing that she’s being so fucking naughty and I’m being so dirty?” he asked as the girl on top of him rolled her eyes slowly.

“Heh, well, it makes me feel like you would do all those dirty things to me...and more..” she said with a low voice.

“And more?..Ho ho..shit, you’re gonna make me come home..fuck the positraction and the stabilizer struts right now,” Vincent said through gritted teeth as he shifted and gripped Ro’s hips tighter, quickening the thrusts, “Surprise me for dinner and I’ll see you soon, okay,” he held back his breath.

“Okay Vincent~ Again, I’m so sorry...I love you,” Leda swooned, sighing with a smile.

“Yeah..~ Love you too, sweetheart,” Vincent quickly stated as he hung up and moaned shakily as he threw his head back. 

“Cyr~...!” Ro said hurriedly before exclaiming in the height of her pleasure. Her let her have it, reveling in her satisfaction and the fact that she was actually going to get away with it.

"That's it, that's my Rosie…" he says panting caressing her face lazily, sitting up a little as she adjusts by slinking slowly to his chest. 

"I'll be your Rosie right now...I like how it sounds," she sighed. The girl was still lasting in her euphoria, amplified by the nature they were submerged in. "Mark always says he'd take me on a hike or a nature walk.."

"Oh yeah?..So I'm still a one up in that department-"

"No..no you're not. He just...doesn't have time. He's been so hard at work on like..3 projects and with the kids we just..don't make time for it anymore, lots of empty promises…" she corrected him, playing around with his chest as she skates her fingers around. 

"So because everything else is working, you'll put yourselves on the back burner?" He asked, lighting a cigarette, offering it to her but she refuses.

"No. You wouldn't-" she caught herself. 

"I wouldn't understand, right? I'm a starving actor, writer and director with a growing Twitch audience… Having my daughter took a lot of work, I just couldn't separate that fixing Leda meant fixing everything… so we spend time to each other when we can.. just be us.. you know?" He straightened up to say this, he was proud, and he wanted her to see that a lot has changed where they don't understand each other. His chest sank as he watched his Find My iPhone going off in the front and looks at Ro puzzled.

"Wh-what's that?!" She asked, gasping when it went off, Vincent flagging her to be quiet.

"What?...she fucking didn't believe me...that's what," he says, slowly getting enraged, "Fuck! She's gonna be wherever I go-"

"So just get rid of your phone?.." she suggests.

"I'm sorry that's stupid, even for you.. I have a kid at home and a mentally unstable partner I can't just not have a phone. I'm just gonna have to get rid of you, and this can never happen again," he said, then rolled his shoulders, throwing on his shirt.

"Well maybe we could wait a little, maybe she was looking for her phone because-"

"RO no! This is the exact thing that I was afraid of that would happen, but I thought that meathead would be doing this," he snapped a little as he turned off the notification and the program, "And none of this exists to you, so you think you're about to be blameless...just get dressed.

His phone began to ring as Ro slid on her clothes, embarrassment and fear flooding her heart as she begins to see that this has come to an end. "T-take me home- *gasps*"

"Yes dear-"

"Don't fucking 'yes dear' me you fucking pig liar! I can't believe you thought that I wouldn't fucking check your damn location!" Leda yells, slamming can be heard in the background.

"Leda...take it easy, nothing happened," he tried to say.

"Nothing happened huh?..Hey Ro I hope you know that your husband's waiting for you to come back- yeah I ran into him today and you're supposed to be at home cus you were sick… you're fucking sick alright.. He's not yours anymore, give it up, and leave my partner alone! He probably doesn't even want you anymore-"

"Leda! hey!" He snapped as she hung up. Panting as he looks at Ro, who lost all of her colour. She was stuck in a vortex of fear and realization at her fatal mistake. Her hands were shaking as the day she thought would never come was here. All she could think of was the kids, whether or not they're napping, if Mark made them their favourite snacks. She wanted to just up and nap with her babies, and her she was potentially throwing away all of it. She didn't think she could be so greedy and unaware of how much things have changed. 

"T-take me home.. my babies...I need to see my babies," she said with such distance staring past Vincent in the seat, shaking her head as if to note that she had no idea what came over her. 

"You got it," he sighed as he buckled his pants again and started the car.

***

Reiner went to hug his mommy and noticed a very yucky smell that he’d only smelled when he was out with them. He thought that maybe he went to someplace and it smelled like that after going to the doctor’s. He knew that whenever he was sick he’d take her to the doctor’s even if he didn’t want to go. The boy just loved the way the nurse would ruffle his hair and let him pick from the reels of stickers, but his mommy didn’t have any stickers, not even for him. 

“Reiner, baby, I love you...I love you so much. Mommy and Daddy need you to play upstairs okay? Think of what you want for dinner, it can be anything you want!..Think of the best thing you’ve always wanted! Even ice cream..”

“He shouldn’t eat ice cream for dinner..” Mark commented quietly and somber, he leaned on the hall’s wall nearby, barely within earshot of his son.

“Well, maybe we’ll have a big sundae for desert with whatever you want!” Ro turned quickly from Mark’s sentiment as she put up the baby gate, she could barely lock it as her hands shook uncontrollably. She was trying so hard to not let Reiner know what happened, and what was going to happen afterward, but she had to be a mother, and a loving one at that. He shouldn’t have to pay for her mistakes. She stood up straight and walked over to the bedroom past Mark, who was still in a state of stun and upset.

Mark was more confused after everything that Leda had told him, after everything that Ro had told him, after everything that they had gone through. He knew none of this had to do with him, but the fact that he still had to deal with it was something he had never prepared for, and how could he? As far as he knew, their love was air tight, and had been for a while, he was growing more frustrated at the fact that he missed it, he missed this, he wasn’t more aware. He knew that their whole life wasn’t built on a lie, but that Ro’s might be. He closed the door softly as he ran his fingers through his hair for the umpt-eenth time. “Rosanna...I..I don’t know where to start…” he said his wife sat the edge of the bed, like a child in trouble, turning and playing with her ring, which burned him to think that she had had it on the whole time, “Were...were you even sick?”

“I didn’t feel well this morning, but after you guys left I felt a little better so I was writing and I-”

“So you called him.”

“I didn’t know his number still worked-”

“You called him though, do you understand what I’m trying to say here?”

“Just that I called him.”

“Is...is that the first time you called him?...Is this like..You do understand I have questions, right?” he said, a little louder from his low tone to try and make sense of the room he was in. The temporary two story house he bought for her so that she had a huge kitchen that she could work in that didn’t look much different from the one she had at the Youni.

“It...it’s not the first time, but-”

“So he hasn’t always been harassing you? Obviously if you’re so comfortable with calling someone that you told me, right? Someone you told me should never be near you and if he does then he is bothering you,” Mark said.

“You’re right…”

“So you lied to me…” he said as he rubbed his face with both hands, scratching his stubble in a huge sigh.

“Yes..but Gamma-”

“Mark..please...because I’m rethinking a lot of things right now,” he quickly corrected her as he shook his head at his words that stabbed Ro through her heart. To think that her issues were about to make her lose her Gamma, the one she could never afford to lose.

“Mark…”

“This isn’t the first time you lied to me...that’s what this means..and this isn’t the first time you got caught lying to me to satisfy yourself,” he said, folding his arms and leaning against the door, with a deep breath, “I honestly thought you’d outgrown this, that you had accrued more to lose by acting so foolishly...But to sit here and think of how we’re gonna move on from this...I have to be honest with you, Ro, I’m not entirely sure..”

“I know, and I’m sorry,” her voice cracking a little as she held back tears, “I don’t know...I-I I don’t know what came over me…”

“Unfortunately, I don’t know either...And that’s the scariest thing about all of this...the fact that you’d put your motherhood, our marriage, and your integrity on such a thin line and not expect anything to happen…”

“Gah...uh Mark...I didn’t mean for you to get hurt..I didn’t mean to hurt you...pl-please don’t leave…”

“You don’t get to make that call, because it’s not about your intention to hurt me, it’s about your lack of inhibition...What would need to happen for you to never do this again? Another kid? Another kid that’s not mine? Something would have to keep you busy so that you don’t think about getting into contact with him again…”

“Nothing happened-”

“It doesn’t matter what you did..this is a years-long lie that you kept from me, and I don’t know if I can trust you as a wife...as a mother your integrity is in tact.”

“He doesn’t even want me anymore-”

“I’m not talking about him. I don’t want to talk about him. As your husband and a father to our son, I’m making sure that you’re okay and nobody else. It doesn’t matter, and for once you should take some responsibility-”

“Don’t go there with me, Mark, I may have messed up, but that’s not grounds to be rude-”

“Rosanna...listen to me, I wanted to leave. I should leave, but I’m trying to understand you and figure out what would make this all a little better...Not just for Reiner’s sake, but for our sake. For better or for worse.”

***

"Leda-" his words got cut off by slamming of a suitcase.

"Fuck you!" She looked back into his eyes with a low growl with Isla mindlessly playing with her dolls as she ignored her mother raving on about her problems. "Isla get up!"

"No!"

"Don't talk to me like that! That's MY daughter! We're leaving!" She shoves his chest, causing him to grab her forearms and after some brief thrashing, the woman finally collapsing into him and crying.

"Leda...Leeds, listen...I fucked up, and I'm sorry...alright? I should have really weighed out how...destructive this is-"

"You're destructive...I don't wanna be here...I gotta go…"

"You can go cool off..Isla stays here.."

"My daughter is coming with me-"

"Our daughter is staying here-"

"I'm not comfortable with my daughter staying with her adulterous father-"

"As true as that is, you need to leave her out of this. Think of what that does to her if everytime you have a breakdown she moves-"

"You don't get to make this about her! This is about you!"

"With all due respect, dear, this is about you.. how you're hurt, how you're not going to continue uprooting our family for my mistakes, and how you're disrupting and up-ending everything instead of trying to work it out-"

"And what is there to work out?! You used me and manipulated me and then...shoved that shit in my face! I deserve to be fucking upset, I deserve to make decisions for the safety of my daughter and I deserve to leave your cheating ass-"

"Fine! I'm not keeping you here but where are you gonna go huh?! And honestly you're not stable enough to make decisions as a mother, hence why you're here and why our daughter is staying. She doesn't deserve a life on the run and she has nothing to run from-"

"You hurt me, she doesn't need to fucking understand how unsafe that is!"

"In the same vein, Honey, she shouldn't think that whenever things get tough she can just run away and never work things out-"

"I FUCKING HATE YOU!"

"Calm..your shit...right now," Vincent stepped towards her, making her back up hurriedly.

"Or what?" Leda growled back at him, "You gonna abuse me and make me stay and shut me up like you always do?...I fucking dare you!"

"Isla stays, but you can go. I'll make sure she's fine and goes to school like she's supposed to. I told you nothing happened and I told you that I deeply apologize for my fuck up...I'm done fighting with you, but you're not taking our daughter with you...you can't. As a father I owe that to my little girl," he says while closing her suitcase and picking up Isla, who still remained without tears. The kiss on her face snapped her out and caused the tears and screaming to come. This sudden change in behavior caused the man to bounce her and walk out of the room, softly consoling his traumatized daughter. 

"Isla...Isla baby mommy's here!..." Leda hurried after them to the little girl's room once she almost immediately snapped out of it but was met with Vincent’s frame, causing her to back up a little, "Vincent… she's crying, let me see her."

"No.. you said you were leaving, that's what happens when adults fight in front of their child and one of them leaves… the child cries… it's normal. She's hurting and scared-"

"I-I won't leave…I-I I'll stay! Now please my baby, she's-" 

"That's not enough. We have to work this out.. she has to know this is over and that it's not her fault and that everything is going to actually be okay…"

Leda stood there, stunned. Although he was talking about their daughter, she couldn't help feeling the same way and being the one that needs those exact words. She let tears fall down her face and her lip quivers as she breaks down. 

***

"Mark… Mark…" Rosanna reached out after explaining herself to console the stunned and hurting man. 

"...I…" he started and sighed shaking his head, "Rosanna...I think...I think I'm gonna need some time… Like we'll share the kids and I'll see you then, but...I have work to do. This… is.. tough for me… it would be tough for anybody. And with everything going on we actually get a little time out of the limelight to… address…. And reassess ourselves...I love you- really i do… but I just… need time."

The woman let the tears fall as she yearned to hold her Gamma, the sullen frame that could shatter at any moment, reluctantly she nods, “Alright...I just...I don’t want Reiner to not have his father…”

“He won’t..I’ll pick him up and see him and all of that and I’ll see you then, but that’ll be it and we’ll just have to see where it goes,” Mark explains, “We can choose to explain this to him or we can...tell him a parent lie..either way, he’s a kid with parents, he deserves to understand what’s happening and why as best we can tell him..he’s not gonna like it..but-”

“He has to know this wasn’t his fault,” she adds, cringing at the fact that their perfect frame of a family has a crack, especially one that she knew could have broken the structure that encloses her life if this was a different time and place. She finally rises, approaching the stocky man who looked lost in thought with his hands on his hips. He shifts, opening his arms to his wife and her sobs, “I’m sorry...I’m so sorry, Gamma. I wish I could just...I’m just so sorry I hurt you..I love you, I love you more than I can explain...You’re my ever after...I..I don’t want you to go…”

Mark sighs as he squeezes his girl and kisses the top of her head, “I know, Roboat...I know you’re sorry..and I know you love me, but...one thing for sure, two things for certain...you fucked up...I..I can’t let this go..at least not right now. I-I have to..I gotta do something...I have so much to think about..this is..just...the part in the epilogue, Ro. We gotta overcome what kept us apart in the first place.”

***

“So you left?” Leda asked with a small gasp.

“I had to do something! Look, I forgave it so many times before and didn’t listen to my intuition that she might be hiding something, but...I just had so many projects that need my attention and I could barely look her in the face after that,” Mark said, weary.

“Vincent was the same way with me, but like...that’s who he is. And I just felt so stupid in the moment that when I tried to leave he had convinced me not to,” she commented bitterly.

“How does someone completely in the wrong convince you that they’re not worth leaving?” Mark asked as he drank his water. The waiter coming by to offer more wine and the man respectfully declines while Leda obliges to another glass.

“At the time, I was obviously thrown into a manic episode because my friend saw his car in your area and actually finding his location really fucked me up...not gonna lie. So I was just gonna take my daughter and go, but he told me that I needed to stop doing that,” she said after swallowing her last of her wine before getting another poured for her.

“Why didn’t you kick him out?...” Mark asked with a pregnant pause.

“I’m living with him, I realistically came into his home with nothing but his daughter- plus, he had the high ground on holding me to being a good mother..” Leda shrugged.

“That’s not a good reason. You’re the mother, you’re allowed to remove your child from an unsafe environment,” Mark added.

“Yeah but I was the one creating the unsafe environment. I was losing my shit and packing while Isla was used to it, but he picked her up and she started crying because she wasn’t used to someone coming in to..I dunno..alleviate the situation she was in. Yeah, he cheated, but we’re not...exactly together, and I forget that sometimes. We’re parents to Isla and I live with him, but like our love is something we don’t have at the forefront...I couldn’t imagine losing or running away from the one person who’s got my best interest in mind even when I’ve convinced myself I’m not worth it..and that I was dragging my daughter along with me. Sometimes a girl needs someone to look up to and to protect her, and...I just couldn’t throw it away because he showed me that some parts of him hadn’t changed,” she explained.

“I had to take a similar road with Rosanna..she..ring or not, I had to forgive her. She tried so hard not to look back and I realized that blowing up at her for her past imperfections coming into the present wasn’t very...understanding of me as a husband. She had to understand that the inevitable wasn’t that I was going to leave, but that she was going to get caught letting those imperfections define and give life to an entity created by her weakness. Even if it was something she never planned on telling me, I had to just remember that she had a life that reflected what she wanted to be, which was perfect, she didn’t want to have to focus on her flaws,” he explained.

“Did your marriage counselor help you with that?”

“Actually my buddy Wade was super helpful in getting me to understand the situation I was in while I buried myself in work, but did I call Dr. Tatlyn? Yes.”

“You called one of our Youni profs?” Leda asked with a scoff, trying not to laugh.

“She seemed to best fit the situation, but she did hand me off to Dr. Jay so that I could maybe get a better look at myself, that’s where the whole forgiveness thing came from.”

“That makes sense yeah...if only I didn’t drop out,” she nodded, sighing, “What were Reiner’s first words?”

“‘I love you,Mommy’...but we all kinda saw that one coming. He’d been working on it for a few weeks, and it really makes her feel better sometimes...how about Isla?”

“She’s been so smart and started walking early, but in terms of speaking she just looked at Vincent and I one day and went ‘Mommy-daddy’...like just woke up and we’re making breakfast and she just says it...Vincent said that she probably had been speaking when we weren’t looking because it was super clear and very rehearsed..but that’s all she has so far,” Leda elaborated. 

“So..what? She’s just running around calling the both of you?” Mark asked with a chuckle.

“She loves it, she calls everybody mommy-daddy right now..” she said almost proudly with a smile. 

“Did you move back yet? Has he said anything else?”

Mark had a sustained silence while he looked at the people around him, carrying on with their dates and drinks, sighing he looked at Leda, “Not yet, but..she’s making it hard for me not to..the feeling is subsiding, but the thought...it just keeps coming up and I can’t bring it up. Letting the past be the past and all that.”

“Hm...I understand…” Leda said with a slow nod.

“Do you really?” Marks asks quickly, “I don’t mean to be rude, or condescending, but it sorta feels like you’re settling.”

“Settling? For what?” she leans back and scrunches her eyebrows.

“A cheater-”

“Before you even finish, Vincent came through on his promises of making us a family. I’d never seen any of that before and he just built it up with his bare hands. Now, he was always honest with me that he’s not perfect and that he’s got demons, but he manages that shit. I see no difference for you and you don’t see me telling you that you settled for something less,” Leda bit back then scoffed, “I’d go so far as to say that he’s just easily influenced.”

“But he’s an influencer-” Mark started, giggling a little.

“Who got influenced by a better influencer. And you’re married to her. I’m just not married to him. Not conventionally, anyway..” she said with a giggle, sighing before looking at her phone, “I gotta pick up Isla for daycare soon, so we should get the check. I really enjoyed this lunch, Mark.”

“Oh anytime! And uhhh yeah I gotta get back and do some editing and livestream for a few so surely if you ever wanted to do this again, just let me know...but before I pick up this check..tell me what’s next?” he said humbly and proudly, scratching his scruff. 

“Uhh well, Vincent got picked up to model for this clothing company and we’re all flying out to New Mexico for the shoot, so that should be a good old time- Isla gets to watch her daddy work.”

***

“Alright and three more,” the photographer said squatting down. Leda held herself as she watched Vincent work his angles and with the soft desert breeze. Her chest felt light as she took in every beam of natural light they angled properly to him and it was almost throwing her into a trance. He looked so strong and stylish, and it made her wonder how such a dog like him could be just as beautiful. 

Meanwhile, Isla toddled around the set, babbling as she held her toy. The girl was tired of the brief flashes and all the adults standing around, and none of it made sense. So she went from her base camp under the food table cloth and saw a pair of shiny shoes with little skulls hanging from them, reaching out to grab them then was interrupted by a voice. “Ohhh my god! Aren’t you a little cutie! You like my shoes, huh? I like your shoes!” The little girl was enamored by the young looking woman with the funny accent and funny words, “Du bist nur das süßeste kleine Baby! Hey, Libby come here, look at her!”

The excitement and the clamoring around the food table finally drew in the couple as they walked over, knowing it was their daughter bringing in all the noise. Vincent saw the girl in the miniskirt and low pigtails, knowing that they were shooting together in an hour and hadn’t been able to get his eyes off of her body or her face- stealing stares whenever he wasn’t with Leda who wasn’t usually into girls, but there was just something about her that just stood out. She could feel Vincent’s attraction to her, and started to develop her own, but something had been holding herself back from deeply trusting her as she held her only child, call it a mother’s intuition. 

“That’s Isla, say hi Isla!” Vincent said as the little girl leaned and fidgeted out of the girl’s arms towards her father’s wanting to smell him and feel his love.

“Mommy daddy!” Isla chirped with a smile. 

“Ohh! And she’s already talking, she must be really smart! You’re Vincent right? We have a set coming up, no?” the girl asked as she took the slim male in.

“Yeah, yeah we do. Forgive me, I’m bad with names nowadays, refresh me-” Vincent said while his daughter hid away in his neck, feeling a nap coming on.

“Oh! Sure! I’m Dasha, and this is my friend Libby! This is our first time in the states! And let me just say your daughter is so beautiful!” she said, “I’d want a baby like her...My mom said that I was too mature for my age to be thinking about having babies so soon, but I mean come on! College can wait if this is what my future looks like! I imagine myself with a husband and a baby bump...the whole thing! It just seems so exciting to me!”

“College? Well, how’d you end up modeling in the states?” Leda finally interjects between them, “I’m Leda, Isla’s mother, by the way, it’s nice to meet you Dasha! I love your outfit!”

“Oh my god! I love your hair!” Dasha piped excitedly, “I think that color is so fitting! And I sent in a few photos and a scout picked me up out of the blue, so I guess you could say I was just lucky,” the girl shrugged, flipping her bang, Libby had tapped her and told her in German that she’s going to get into makeup for her set, the girl quickly responding back and turning her attention back to the family, “You guys are so cute together! Leda, you’re going to be modeling too, no?”

“Oh no no...Thanks but I’m not..I don’t do modeling, I just came along to watch Vincent work,” Leda replied a little bit of a giggling mess, now constantly fixing her hair and clothes. She felt so old standing next to Dasha since her energy was so vibrant and her light in her eyes about having a family could be felt from miles away. It was just something the woman couldn’t place. She was already just too tired and worried about Isla falling asleep on Vincent, who obviously could use a nap since they started so early. 

“That’s so romantic!..God, I wish I could like..be you guys or something! Do you need a babysitter?” Dasha asked with such emphasis, her eyes lighting up as she once again sized up the family.

“Well, you said this is your first time in the states, right? How would that work? Where are you from?” Leda asked with a small suspicion.

“Oh I’m going to start going to school over here when I’m not working. I was talking to Vincent about living in California a little, but I didn’t know he had an opportunity for work or anything,” she said, “I’m from Austria, but I’ve been trying to get away from my mom by living with Libby in Germany, which is how I got this job!”

“Oh..no..I didn’t know you were staying in the states for long..I thought that after the shoot you were going to fly home-” Vincent began as he rocked the little girl on his shoulder.

“Well, I have this work visa and they said that it would be a good time between jobs to get my school visa setup, but eventually I want citizenship...you know? I just love the weather out here and the people are just so beautiful,” Dasha explained, “Maybe you guys could use a nanny or something~”

“Isla’s a handful, but I don’t think we have that kinda money-” Vincent chuckled.

“Yeah I don’t think we could afford- no offense by the way- but I don’t think we could afford to have someone in our loft to watch her...she’s kind of a handful sometimes,” Leda giggling beside her.

“Oh I don’t need much, but you know, maybe we can work something out, you know. What do you do...uhh” Dasha began as she giggled nervously.

“Leda...I’m Leda, and I’m a writer, I used to make videos, but that was a long time ago-”

“Oh my friend is a writer! You guys can get busy with working, how far along are you with getting something out?” the young girl asked.

“Right now, I’m like...breaking my neck to meet deadlines and drafts and proofing the drafts...but I’m about 4 months out from publishing...You know...maybe we should get like lunch or something- if that’s alright with you- and we could get something worked out,” Leda said, the idea sounding a lot better.

“Leeds, baby, you sure?” Vincent asked, looking down at her.

“Yeah, it would be nice to have someone around the house keeping things up and keeping Isla out of danger..”

[readallthis]

Green eyed.

Uh. I don’t know why you’re still reading this. But if you are then here are some updates. I felt compelled to write this so I did. It’s 4/4 today, so happy birthday(late). Uh. Emma and I ended things, very quickly and abruptly after the trip. She didn’t care. I spent 5 hours on a mix for her and she didn’t bother with it. In regards to school I fell in love with political thoughts and all my professors are great. I lost pleasure pier because my laptop factory reseted about 2 month ago, and I bought a gun. I tried to return the gun but that’s not a thing apparently. So I have a gun. I’m okay now I think. I’m happy. I met a girl beautiful in such unlikely ways and her eyes are blue and she has short hair and she likes the fact that I write and I’m painting her once the semester ends and I’m excited for that. I’m handwriting(rewriting for the millionth time) pleasure pier again, except I realized exactly what it was supposed to be all along, so it’s called the billet-doux of pleasure pier. I met a guy in class named Phillip and I think he may be more brilliant than me and he support my writing. He gave me a book today, a collection of shorts by Raymond carver. I like it a lot. I don’t smoke anymore, and I haven’t drunk very much at all either. Not even on my 21st birthday, I spent it with Bryan, orin (he’s a nice guy) Juan and sahand(Canada guy) and Fadil(you would like him though you hate everyone else. He’s probably my nicest most genuine friend). I ate a lot and we went to Dave and busters and I spent 200 dollars playing games. Juan and I don’t talk anymore. It was fun. I’m taking a survey course on the works of Shakespeare’s next semester, along with intro to constitutional law, and a class about international relations and nuclear weapons. I’m really excited. I’ve been talking to a psychologist of sorts, and I’m no longer as tired as I used to be. And I think for the first time in the 4 years we’ve known each other, I think I can fully say that I’m okay with the fact that you will never be mine. You’re beautiful and lovely and sweet, always, and I think it’s okay now in regards to the fact that you’ll never be mine. Although I’d like to know why you vanished on me overnight. But if you won’t tell me that’s okay too. I hope you’re doing good. Maybe I’ll hear from you come Christmas but if I don’t that would be okay too. But I think that even if one day I am 100% okay, I would still not want to stop writing these letters to you. In 80 years when people ask me of the people most important to me, I think your name will be one of them. I've loved you before and I love you now and I think I'll love you nonetheless even when I'm old and dementia kicks in. Only differences is, I don't yearn for you anymore, not even in the slightest sense and I like that. I like writing these letters to you. Oh. And watch singstreet on Netflix, I think it should have gotten an oscar. Or 50. It's like the buddy holly movie that makes you cry. Except it's 582748273 times better and lovely and sweet and all the wonderful things you and I like.