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haztory · 4 years

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𝐨𝐟 𝐟𝐚𝐧𝐠𝐢𝐫𝐥𝐬 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐦𝐢𝐥𝐤 𝐛𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝. (2)

-chapter two: the story of us; warnings for this chapter include a brief discussion and mentioning of sexual assault. it is not described in detail nor does it happen to anyone in this fic. i will not ever be using sexual assault as a plot device as i think that’s unnecessary. however, because it is prevalent in female culture, or at least the discussion of it is, it is briefly mentioned.

if this makes anyone uncomfortable, please skip over! i will not be offended at all!

-summary: His eyes are a sea of green that you can't seem to stop drowning in.

a/n: this chapter is a doozy yall, im so sorry. this is mainly to serve as complete exposition of reader and iwa, so it’s hella long. i had an original idea of how i wanted this to go and then i started writing and this happened. lmfao. thank you all for being patient and loving and your comments are so wonderful! i had midterms all last week and all i could think about was writing this! so thank you all and i hope you all enjoy! next chapter will be pure chaos and fun!

i was listening to “cloud 9″ by beach bunny for this chapter! so that might help you understand how i see reader and iwa <33

(w.c.: 8,662 words)

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You’re ten years old when you meet Iwaizumi Hajime for the first time.

He’s an inch shorter than you, skinny, hair set in an unorganized mess of spikes, and he smells of sweat. It’s the least enticing first impression you’ve ever encountered, wondering briefly if this is what all of Miyagi Prefecture has to offer.

Because if so, you’re not looking forward to it.

He’s blocking the entrance to the neighborhood park with his bike, back facing towards you and an arm stretched outward-pointing at something across the park. The same park that your mother has forced you to attend, kicking you out of your new home filled with moving boxes, a warm smile on her face and a simple request to “go have fun”.

A request that was starting to seem like more of a problem than you anticipated.

You’re halted in front of the gates to the area for a solid minute, the boy in front of you being less than aware of your presence as he continues to shout from across the park.

“Grab all of them, Oikawa!”

There’s another boy roughly the same age holding several items that look to be action figures close to his chest. His face is scrunched up and his shoulders slouched as he takes exaggerated sluggish steps while crossing the courtyard. He’s sweaty too, just like the boy in front of you.

“But there’s so many, Iwaaa. Can’t you help me?”

“You’re such a baby, Oikawa.”

The one named Oikawa is about to respond when he stops his movements altogether. He merely points his finger, eyes fixated on something behind his black-haired friend.

You realize a bit too late that he’s pointing at you.

The friend, Iwa as he was called, turns his head with a questioning hum, green eyes meeting yours. A sea of emerald.

“Oh,” he breathes out, voice high in timber and flooded in awkwardness, raising his hand in a shy greeting, “Uh, hi.”

“Hi,” you respond in equal awkwardness, the kind that only a new kid can embody. Uneasiness has been settled into your bones ever since the move was announced, and now, as you stand before two physical embodiments of your displacement in this area, the feeling seems to sink even deeper into your stomach. “You’re blocking the entrance.”

“Huh? Oh! Sorry ‘bout that.” He begins a cumbersome shuffle of pushing the bike he was sitting on backward, small grunts escaping his mouth as he tries to make space for you to enter. It’s a slow process, considering he teeters from side to side and struggles to smoothly retreat from the space. Oikawa snickers in the background, some teasing words being aired that you are too far to hear, but they must be irking enough considering Iwa mutters a “shut up, idiot” in response.

The friendship is formidable, you don’t need to know them for long to see that. Envy and all its bitter acid coat your tongue.

“Are you the one that just moved in?” Oikawa speaks up.

You nod.

“How old are you? Are you going to Kitagawa Elementary? Have you already—”

Iwa interrupts the ferociously excited boy with a gentle scoff, “Calm down, Oikawa. Give her some air. Geez.”

“I just want to know more about the new girl, Iwa-chan!”

“Yeah, well you’re doing it wrong.”

Oikawa rolls his eyes and clutches the toys in his arms tighter, “You do it then!”

“Do what?”

“Introduce us! Make friends!”

“I think you blew it already.”

“Ugh, you’re no fun. If she’s going to the same place as us, she might as well join us! What do you say, new girl?”

You’re shaken from the brief exclusion of the conversation— realizing they’re including you this time— when Iwa tears his eyes away from his friend and meets yours once again. Upon connection with the emeralds, your throat constricts your throat and the relief of ease washes over. The hesitancy that was bubbling in your stomach starts to dissipate when he looks at you— almost comforted by his dark yet steady stare— but the sense is quickly replaced by something else that shakes you. Your skin prickles, like fire ants marching up the pattern of your skin, and your palms start to sweat despite the cooling temperatures and the light breeze blowing against your skin.

You’d have to tell your mom about this, just to make sure you weren’t getting sick.

“Would you like to join us?” Iwa asks. There’s no trace of a smile on his face but the invitation isn’t lacking in warmth. It’s a subtle kind, almost imperceptible if it weren’t for the look of curiosity residing upon his features. He speaks gently, like there wasn’t a distance between you two and another person listening in on the conversation, pointing his question and attention solely at you. There was a center of his gravitational pull and it was in your direction.

He’s waiting for your answer, and not the kind that results after courteously asking someone a question; You can tell he is really waiting, wanting to know what you say because his eyes hold onto yours in a way that is much more mature than a boy at the tender age of ten should be looking at someone.

He’s sincere. He doesn’t even know you and yet he waits upon you as though your response were one he was to weigh considerably with his agenda. He’s a stranger, only said two things directly to you, and yet you feel weightless in the most minute of his attention.

The rocks of anxiety that were sitting heavily in your stomach for the past month have disappeared and the answer that he waits so intensely for comes rather naturally. It’s the surest you’ve felt in a while. You don't know them at all, aren't even sure if you'll like them, but what would you be other than a fool to not follow the path of certain safety laid out in front of you, disguised as a black-haired boy with the spiky hair? How can you be sure unless you don't see for yourself?

“Yeah,” you sigh out, burdensome weight lifting off your shoulders at the answer, “Can I?”

“Yeah. You can.” He affirms with a nod, the corner of his lips quirking upward. Oikawa, rather befittingly, shouts a cheer, resuming his incessant chatter in throwing an onslaught of questions your way but you’re not listening. Pulled elsewhere you find your gaze being drawn back to the calm and steady boy, with the sea of emerald in his eyes.

“I’m Iwaizumi Hajime, by the way. And that’s Oikawa Tooru.”

“I’m (Y/N).”

“Cool.”

You spend the whole day with them, quickly finding a natural place in their relationship, serving as the happy in-between of the flamboyant nature of Oikawa and the pillar of stone that is Iwaizumi. It’s fun, the most fun you’ve had in the entirety of your move that you find yourself trying to make some kind of excuse to extend the day when the sun starts to set.

But Oikawa has to go home, and so does Iwa, and the disappointment is more than apparent on your face. There’s the unmistakable promise of seeing one another again, that of which was affirmed when Oikawa held out his pinky for you to take and solidify the statement on.

“I can walk you home if you want.” Iwaizumi tells you after you both wave your goodbyes to the other brunet. It’s a godsend, a miracle from the heavens who heard your building plight and decided to spare your jilted mind with some form of comfort.

“Oh, you don’t have to,” you tell him, purely as a formality. Your mother’s lessons of never burdening others kicking into gear at his offer, but you plead, secretly in the deep recesses of your brain that he disagrees. Hope desperately that he’ll take the initiative and stay with you just a moment longer.

He shakes his head, bearing a toothy smile that is missing one of his canines. “I don’t mind. My mom always tells me to make sure girls get home safe.”

Calm, steady, comforting. You selfishly agree before you have half a mind to say otherwise, “Okay. I live this way.”

And as he trails beside you, holding his bike in his hands as he walks at the pace you set, telling you the details about his favorite monster movie, you find yourself incredibly enamored with the short, sweaty boy that hates green tea and loves summertime.

And not for the first time.

You’re thirteen when you realize that you have a terribly, horribly, deeply incessant crush on Iwaizumi Hajime.

It’s lunchtime and while you’re usually quick to eat with the resident bickering duo of Sendai, they’ve ditched you for volleyball practice— and not for the first time. So you sit with your other group of close friends, the ones you made through the conventional school setting, and not because they impulsively adopted you into their routine. They’re the necessary and equal balance to the growing testosterone you religiously spend your weekends with, so ultimately you’re not too upset at being left behind for a sport.

Besides, it’s nice to be surrounded by girls who talk about normal things instead of sweaty violent boys that only talk about volleyball and occasionally the things you like.

Mai, a girl with a short bob that frames her round face, shakes the table with her loud laughter, the curtain of her hair swaying in tune to her joyful movement. She was the first friend you made in this group, and easily the one you’re closest to. The complete opposite of Hajime if her unabashed, frantic excitement is anything to go by. But much like the spaces in this Miyagi heart of yours that’s dedicated to Tooru and Hajime, there’s one for her too. She grabs onto one of your arms and holds it tightly, seeking stability as her melodic laughter rings through your table.

It’s hard not to laugh alongside her.

“Please!” She begs Yua, a blonde girl in the year above you, and wipes her eyes free from the laughter-induced tears, “No more! I’m gonna pee!”

Yua huffs, shrugging her shoulders to say that Mai’s inability to hold her urine was beyond her control, “I’m serious! That’s how I found out Kaito had a crush on me!”

“And what did you do?” You ask, laughter lacing your own words at the tale Yua expertly weaved, describing in excruciating detail how Kaito from your third period wrote a love letter comparing Yua’s lips to that of a whale as if that was somehow a compliment.

“I ran away! What else was I supposed to do?!”

Mai howls with laughter, her body being thrown against yours and her arms flailing with the movements, unable to contain herself. You’re almost identical, finding that you follow Mai’s gesticulation in perfect countering. Where she pushes you left, you move in sync, allowing her to lean her weight on you as you both lose yourself in the story.

For as much seriousness as she tries to implement in her words, the quirking of her lips betray Yua, “Laugh all you want, but wait ‘til this happens to you! Then you’ll get it!”

“I don’t think Mai and I have to worry about that,” you tell her, the remainder of your laughter dying out of your words. Mai snaps upward, her body no longer slumped against yours, and instead of facing you with furrowed brows and an offended expression.

The two friends speak simultaneously, one with indignation and the other with confusion “Why not?”

The pointedness of the question makes it seem as though your words were wrong, a misstep in a direction that you have to apologize for. Regardless of whether or not you know why. “Uh, ‘cause no one likes us like that?”

Mai scoffs, crossing her arms and tilting her nose upwards, “Speak for yourself.”

“Sorry, no one likes me like that. So I don’t have to worry.” You say with a smile punctuating the statement with a scoop of rice into your mouth. It wasn’t a statement meant to be considered deeply, it was a simple fact. There were hardly any thirteen-year-olds looking your way, and even if there were, it wasn’t like your attention was focused on them either. All the boys in school were either too annoying or too stupid.

Except for Hajime. He was the only tolerable one. Oikawa fell into the “too annoying” category. But you still loved him—sometimes.

Yua and Mai share a glance, a fleeting look before they look back at you, “You’re joking, right?”

You look up from your food to meet their furrowed stares, “What?”

They share another glance, Mai answering Yua’s silent question with a shrug of her shoulders. You’re completely left in the dark. “Wait, what’s going on?”

“Okay, so what if,” Yua begins, the familiar teasing lilt that you’ve widely associated with the blonde returning, stressing on the ‘if’, “someone did like you. What would you do?”

They both look at you with waggling eyebrows, like they’ve cornered you into the exact hypothetical they want you to be in. While this isn’t necessarily an unfamiliar place to be in, it is a weird one, considering you and boys have never really been the topic of conversation unless Iwa and Oikawa were somehow brought up. But your friendship with them was well known and not exactly hidden at all. It wasn’t sensational, nor was it the topic of gossip. Neither was the fact that you aren’t exactly the kind of girl the boys of Kitagawa First were looking at if they were even looking at girls.

“But no one likes me like that.”

“Answer the question.”

You gesture in exasperation, “I don’t know! I’m not really into anyone like that, so I guess I’d say no?”

The two girls pause again, sharing another look.

“Okay, can you two stop that?”

Mai speaks up this time, almost disbelieving, “You really don’t like anyone?”

“Am I supposed to?”

Yua sings, “Not even Iwaizumiii?”

The chopsticks that you held deftly in your hands go limp and a straight shot of shock runs down your spine. Time stands still in this cramped cafeteria and it feels like your head has been dunked into a bucket of cold water, halting the train of thought and highlighting every possible exit in this building.

The red lights of panic have turned on in your brain and they’re screaming at you to run.

“I— I don’t— what are you guys talking about?”

Your two best friends, who now resemble Satan’s assistants more than anything remotely positive to you, share their third unspoken glance, and you’re about to lose it.

“So,” Yua starts again, tearing her sly eyes from Mai’s excited ones, “You do like him?”

Code red. Abandon ship. Abort. R-U-N.

“No! He— I— We’re just friends!”

“Oh my god!” Mai slams her hands on the surface of the table, her brown eyes boring into your widened ones as she leans over to invade your personal space and poke your chest.

“You like him!”

The brain that is usually so quick with an excuse, trained to be sharp-witted and smart from years of intense teasing from Tooru and Hajime, suddenly feels like mush in your head. Ooey, gooey mush that can’t come up with anything but stuttering, “N-No” at the idea of having some romantic inclination towards Hajime. The best friend you hang out with every weekend; The boy that always walks you home and always makes sure your comments are heard; The spiky-haired idiot with a sea of emerald in his eyes that you always seem to drown in.

But, that’s not— that doesn’t mean— No.

You don’t like Hajime like that. He’s just a really really good friend. That you enjoy spending time with. That makes you feel comfortable with just a single look. The friend that you always want around, regardless of the kind of day. Yeah. That’s it.

Hajime is just that kind of person.

Yua gives an unconvinced hum and taps her bright pink nails on the table surface, “When you think about another girl liking him, do you get jealous?”

Mai backs up from your face to give a wide smile at the blonde, pointing at her wickedly and almost shouting, “Ooh! Good question!”

“Thanks, I read it in my sister’s magazine.”

Mai turns back, almost touching your nose with hers, “Well? Do you?”

The “no” is on the tip of your tongue as an instinctual defense against this personal interrogation, but it doesn’t come out. Partly because of the mush of your brain but also because you know any denial of that question just simply isn’t true; Because when Saran followed Hajime around all day in grade six, you distinctly remember being in a foul mood for a while.

A mood that could only be fixed when Hajime indirectly affirmed that he did not like her.

Oh god.

You like Hajime.

You like his stupid face and his stupid laugh and the stupid way he teases you and the stupid way he makes you feel.

Your friends laugh in your face for a solid minute while you hang your head in your hands, certain that your life was completely over with the new revelation. Yua is the instigator, teasing you relentlessly over the silent confession while Mai asserts that this is the beginning of a fairytale.

She says it with such conviction that you’re almost inclined to believe her until reason kicks in, and the shamefulness of the situation kicks in. You push it down, fine with keeping the acknowledgment exactly where it is, right under your thumb. That is until Oikawa finds out about it and then suddenly, it’s no longer in your control.

You’re fourteen when he corners you after school. He’s walking you home, taking Hajime’s usual role when said boy and subject of your plight had to stay home with the sick.

You don’t think he’s going to bring it up, hardly aware he even knows about it, but he does making you choke on your spit and trip over a crack in the sidewalk. He clutches his stomach in a guffaw.

“Did you really think you could hide it from me?” Tooru teases, his finger poking at your heated cheek that you quickly swat away.

“I’m not hiding anything, Tooru,” you mutter, keeping your head turned downwards. If Oikawa even sees a smidgen of embarrassment he would never let you live it down.

“Oh, please. You’re so easy to read, especially when Iwa-chan is around. You’re all, ‘oh Iwa, you’re so smart and funny. I want to be with you forever. Mwah, mwah, mwah!’” His hands are interwoven beside his head and he attempts a poor, high-pitched imitation of your voice. Again, Oikawa Tooru belongs in the “too annoying” category that most eighth-grade boys find themselves in.

You lift your left leg, thrusting your shin outward to kick the taller boy in his behind, a move all too familiar. Really, Oikawa should have seen it coming, having had it done to him so often by Iwaizumi. He’s too swept up in the antics of teasing, though, that it surprises him and the pain in his bottom is sharp. His hands cover the stinging area.

“Ow, (Y/N)!”

“That’s what you get for being stupid.”

“See! You even act him like him!”

You raise your fist upward and he raises his hands in defense, cowering at the threat of more pain, “Yeah, that’s what I thought.”

He lowers his hands, one eye closed and the other peeking from behind his lowering fingers, “Gosh, so violent. I’m only trying to help!”

“I don’t need help.” You grumble.

You continue your trek onward, desperate to put as much distance between yourself and this nightmare of a conversation. But it’s not that simple. There are now three people that have realized the truth of your crush in less than a year— all of which are your closest friends. It’s only a matter of time before the friend above them all realizes it too.

Worst off, only a matter of time before someone tells him.

You turn towards Tooru with a speed that has him flinching and thrusting his hands upward for protection again. A yelp echoes around the empty street and was it not for the intensity behind your desperation, you probably would have laughed.

“Tooru.” There’s a rasp in your voice, one that you aren’t exaggerating. It makes Oikawa uncomfortable hearing such a serious depth to your previously annoyed cadence. In his continuously growing height, he stares down at you, fear crumpling his face.

“Don’t say my name like that—”

“You cannot tell Hajime.”

He straightens his posture out, hand rubbing the back of his neck. A brow is raised quizzically, “Isn’t that the whole point of having a crush? So that you can eventually tell that person about it?”

It’s not like you expect him to understand, hell, you don’t even understand it yourself. All you know is that Hajime cannot know about it; There are too many factors, too many problems that can happen. Besides, you’re sure it’s just a tiny crush, one that will go away after a couple of months.

And even if it didn’t, you still wouldn’t be able to tell him. Because you’ve been best friends for four years now, and if there was anything remotely remarkable about you, you’re sure something would’ve happened already. Because Hajime is strong, decisive, and steady. If he wants something, he goes for it; And if he wanted you, in any capacity like the way you want him, he would’ve said something.

But he doesn’t because you’re his best friend. Nothing is outstanding about you, nothing that would make you more than just the girl he’s friends with. Nothing that would make you any different from “just one of the guys”.

He would never see you as anything but.

So, it’s just easier to have Hajime as a friend than to risk it all for a likely rejection. You could swallow the feelings, bury them deep inside of you for the rest of time. It would be significantly easier than never talking to him again because you couldn’t be a big girl and not make things awkward.

You try to tell Oikawa as much, “It’s— I just— It would be easier if he didn’t know. It’ll go away soon.”

The brunet tilts his head to the side, kind of like a pouty puppy. When he’s not being a teasing butthead, he’s rather gentle with you, considerate of your emotions, and above all, eager to understand.

“Do you want it to go away?”

“Like I said, it would just be easier.”

“That doesn’t answer my question.”

A quiet settles between the two of you and it feels like it’s oceans wide. You, stranded out at sea in the terrorizing waves of emotions, and he, the lighthouse built on the rocks. Tall and fixed, beckoning you towards his stable ground of reason. It’s a brief reminder that when Oikawa tries, he’s not that annoying. He’s rather kind and empathetic.

“Do you want Hajime to like you?”

The deep cocoa eyes dig into you and the waves crash even more ferociously around you.

Cotton dries up your mouth, and the ache that always pains your heart whenever you think about Hajime returns in full force, “He never will.”

Oikawa huffs out a breath, back becoming imperceptibly straighter while he crosses his arms. It’s hard to imagine him as anything but that sweaty boy you met on the playground, but he stands before you a giant, body filling out from all the volleyball practice and the baby features of his face evening out to become the handsome boy girls were starting to see him as. He radiates his kind of steadiness, one different from Hajime, but equally as comforting.

It’s admirable— he’s admirable— when it's not pinned against you.

“And how do you know?”

“Tooru,” you sigh, exhaustion suddenly creeping up your shoulders along with the overwhelming urge to cry, “Please.”

You don’t feel like explaining all the intricacies of your perceived inadequacy and thank the gods above he’s a good enough friend to know when to stop prying, “Fine, fine. I’ll leave it alone. For now.”

You stare up at him, searching his face for any notion of deceit or subterfuge, “You promise you won’t say anything?”

“Yeah, yeah,” He waves his hand in dismissal, rolling his eyes in that way that portrays annoyance but the love is there. He understands you, at least.

You hold out your pinky for him, “Pinky promise?”

“What are we, ten?”

You hold your finger out further, almost waving it in his face. It’s the staple of trust in your friendship, instituted early on between you and him, and only you and him. He can’t back out now.

He takes it with a sigh of his own, huffing out his breath, and twisting his long, slender finger with yours. You shake his hand in affirmation, letting go only when you feel comfortable in the validity of his promise and resuming your walk home.

He throws an arm over your shoulder, squeezing you tightly to his body, “Eventually you’re going to have to say something.”

“I know.”

“I hope you know I’m never letting you live this down.”

“It’s like you want me to hit you again.”

Maybe he’s right. Maybe in the future, when you’re more comfortable with the fact that it’s your best friend of all people that gives you butterflies in your stomach, you’ll do something about it. But not right now, not when he spends all his time in volleyball and especially not when you were barely confident in yourself. Or maybe, it’ll go away, and you can look back on this as a funny memory rather than anything serious.

You’re fifteen when you finally accept the circumstances and become resigned to it. Finally understanding that your crush is more than just a crush, but knowing full well that that’s all you can let it be.

Hajime sits on the floor, surrounded by your regular friends plus a couple of others at Oikawa’s birthday party when he says it. You’re not supposed to hear it from your place in the kitchen, but you do and it’s a dagger to both heart and confidence. He’s confirmed everything you knew and quelled any potential rebuttal of thoughts Mai or Tooru have planted in your head.

You were stupid to think Hajime could ever see you as anything more than the girl he’s just friends with.

Your appetite quickly dissipates and you have to work extra hard to make sure pure despair doesn’t show on your face. Especially when Oikawa hears it too and he makes that face that looks like he wants to give you a hug, which makes everything ten times harder.

A kid named Matsukawa is the one that asks. You don’t blame him. He’s only fifteen, after all, asking what normal fifteen-year-olds normally talk about.

“What about (Y/N)? Would you date her?”

Hajime scoffs, a laugh on his lips as though it were the weirdest question he’s ever heard.

“She’s my best friend. That would be like dating my sister. I don’t like her like that.”

You’re fifteen and you’ve become resigned to it all, because it’s better to have Hajime as a friend, than to never have him at all. Because you would never have him; At least not in the way you want.

You don’t blame him for that either.

You cry about it later on, after the party is over and after you deny Hajime’s insistence to walk you home. He has a weird look on his face when you tell him you’ll be fine, your house is only a few blocks away. He wants to fight you on it, can see the argument forming it in that storm of green. It’s a shitty feeling to deny him so blatantly, but you really can’t stomach being around him at the moment. Not when your heart pangs longingly for him and your insecurities increase tenfold at the confirmation of your inadequacy.

Not when all of this is happening at once, showing as clear as day on your face, and he sees it. Worst of all, not when he wants to solve it, hardly understanding that he’s the cause of it.

His eyes narrow, staring intently as he studies your features. The scrutiny is uncomfortable and if he does stares a second longer the tears will fall.

“Did… something happen during the party?” Hajime asks hesitantly. There’s a whirlwind of possibilities crossing his mind, all indicating rather unsavory and horrifying ideas that have his worry bubbling beneath his skin. You’re barely meeting his gaze, hands clasped tightly before you and body way too stiff. The complete opposite of your normal demeanor, especially around him.

Usually so open, so vibrant. And here you stand before him, the dark of night surrounding you and the fluorescent glow of the streetlamps casting a ghoulish light on your face, exaggerating your dejected features more prominently.

He’s heard of worst-case scenarios when girls and boys get together, something mentioned in passing when his mother was on the phone with his aunt. He never really thought much about it, considering he would never do something like that and he doesn’t hang around many girls, to begin with for something like that to be an immediate concern..

In this stark contrast of a moment, however, he’s briefly reminded of the fact that he so often tends to forget. You’re a girl; A living, breathing, pretty girl. Everyone likes you, would be fools not to. And while he would never allow himself or anyone else to force themselves upon you, you weren’t with him for the whole party. Disappearing for a brief moment after he saw you enter the kitchen. The idea of something like that— something that horrible— happening to you under his nose has all of his instincts on fight mode, forget the flight. A shattering of the innocence he was so previously impervious to.

The implication is clear in his voice accompanied with the fear-stricken features, so you can hardly miss what he means.

“Did— Did anyone…?” His voice cracks and he hurriedly tries to clear it up with the clearing of his throat, but you heard it. It happens often when he’s wrestling with an onslaught of emotions, trying his hardest to remain calm and clear-headed and focused that sometimes his voice just gives out. Also, puberty.

The act doesn’t matter though, not when he’s silently amping himself up to fight someone if you were touched inappropriately. He would win; He’s been in a couple of fights before, usually off school property, he doesn’t mind getting into another one. Not if it was for you. And he would win; Would make sure of that.

The tussle for calm is transparent on his face. Lips struggling to stay in a closed, neutral line rather than the frown he has to hold back. His fists clench, blunt nails digging into the skin of his palms to alleviate the growing anger, only to prove futile. He so badly wants to grab you by the shoulders, shake you furiously, ask what the hell is going on because you’re never like this—

He doesn’t. He knows better. Even if the suspense is driving him up the wall and the tension that encapsulates the empty street is thick and choking him.

Finally, you say something.

“No, Haji,” you say softly, “No one did anything to me.”

It’s what Iwaizumi wants to hear; Should be ecstatic to know that you are physically unharmed, free from the taint that comes with a foreign touch, the one he’s intent to protect you from. Your voice is too quiet though, and the smile you give him is too small for him to feel any modicum of ease. You're lying. Someone did something.

“I’m fine, really!” You try again, amping up the energy to convince him. It falls flat.

“(Y/N).” That spiky head of hair tips forward, pushing himself in your averting line of sight, refusing to let you hide from him. He’s taller now, finally taller than you. While his hair is still that fluff of mess on his head, his eyes are still that piercing green that can always read you like a book and his favorite season is still summer, only this time he no longer enjoys going to the park, but instead the beach.

He’s the same Hajime you fell in love with and the remainder is enough to cause a lump swell in your throat.

“What are you hidi—”

“Iwa-chan!”

The familiar melodious voice rings out in the empty street, its owner sauntering his way over to your departing figures. There’s that recognizable air of flowering confidence rolling off of him like a humid heat and the sly shining of his pearly whites that serves as a buffer from the thick air of tension between you and Haj— Iwaizumi.

Just, Iwaizumi. No added affection.

There's magic in Oikawa’s stroll, you’re sure of it. It looks perfectly coincidental, like he just so happened to stumble upon a tense scene, instead of the very much needed and purposeful intervention for his emotionally crushed best friend and worry-fueled other best friend.

And they call him the idiot.

He sighs that flowery breath of his, throwing his arm around Iwa’s shoulders and watching the desperation that filled your gaze wash away with relief at his intrusion. Iwa’s confusion only seems to increase, but truthfully, Oikawa isn’t too concerned with his hard-headed friend. He’s really only keen on getting you out of there— out to safety and away from the source of your heartbreak.

“Iwa-chan, you have to go set up the movie player. I have no idea how to work it.”

“I’ve shown you how to do it four times, Tooru.”

“But it’s so much easier when you do it. Don’t worry, I’ll walk our precious flower home while you set up for our sleepover.”

Iwaizumi hesitates, his eyes bouncing from the self-assured smile of Oikawa to your downturned gaze. There’s something wrong, he knows it. But it’s obviously a secret he isn’t allowed into.

He won’t pry, he’s never been one to beg for secrets— never been one to want secrets told to him at all. However, there’s a particular sting at knowing that it’s you who’s hiding something and refusing to tell him. That there’s something Oikawa is aware about, that he isn’t allowed to know.

It’s not his business, he surmises. You’re not his business. He swallows that bitter pill, accepting Oikawa’s offer with a brief nod. He’s not happy, that’s plain to see, but he knows better than to insert himself where he’s not wanted.

Calm, steady, comfortable. Iwaizumi will fight for what he wants, but not when it hurts you in the process.

He bids you a brief goodbye, voice tight and rigid, clearly displaying his dissatisfaction but accepting it nonetheless. He doesn’t even look back at you. It’s what you want, you suppose. Some distance from him for your benefit, so you can at least try and forget about how you feel; Save yourself from the devastation of falling even deeper in love with him.

He enters Oikawa’s house. It’s a place you’ve been many times, slept over on many occasions yet, when Iwaizumi crosses the threshold with a strain on his shoulders and a grimace on his face, you can’t help but wonder if he’s finally going someplace that you can’t follow. If you’ve spent all these years pining over him, wondering if you would ever be enough for him, only to push him away into an area of no return.

Oikawa doesn’t give you a moment to think long about it before he’s ushering you away from the crime scene where your uncontrollable and childish feelings have brutally injured a fraying friendship and guiding you home. He talks the entire time, about everything and nothing, and you’re rather grateful for the background noise. To finally think about something other than your broken heart and Iwaizumi’s betrayed face.

He leaves you at your door with the promise that things will get better, that it won’t hurt so much, and that he’s always there for you. He places a sweet kiss on the crown of your head, turning his back with a final wave and leaving you alone with your thoughts. The promise of meeting one another again is unspoken, instinctive. You know deep down, though, it’ll be different from here on out. You’ll have to be more careful, more guarded with the things you say and do.

You wonder if Iwaizumi has as much trouble sleeping that night as you do.

(He does. He doesn’t sleep at all.)

Things do get better, which is a blessed curse. The tension eventually resolves after a couple of weeks of tiptoeing around each other. Normality returns in full-swing and you’re able to talk to Hajime without the overwhelming feeling of guilt and need to explain everything; If he holds any issues about what happened that night, he doesn’t mention it, following your lead and letting the friendship return to normal.

The problem lies in the fact that Oikawa was ultimately right, and he makes a point to show that he’s right. That things did get better, and the fragmentation of your splintering relationship with the boy you love eventually gets patched up.

Life moves on.

The feelings don’t go away, but you get better at managing them. It’s significantly easier to push the pining down and not think too much about any passing romantic comments in school that pair you and Iwaizumi together; Nor do you think twice about the harmless flirting that occasionally comes your way. You dish it back, continuing the joking nature of the friendship and after a while, it doesn’t hurt so bad. You exit the stages of puberty and things don’t feel as hectic as they once were.

The turbulent waves of emotions finally die down to a steady roll, and for a while, you’re able to float. It’s safe, peaceful, exactly how you want it to stay.

That is until you’re seventeen, almost eighteen, and Iwaizumi asks you to be his fake girlfriend. The waves pick up steam and you’re drowning again. You have the girls of Aoba Johsai to thank for that.

This time though, you’re determined to protect yourself. The anxiety of it all starts to settle in between your shoulders and instead of falling victim to the whims of an unsuspecting Iwaizumi once again, the urge to protect yourself and your pathetic emotions takes precedence. You will not be reduced down to the unconfident, love-sick girl you once were; You’ve worked too hard to do that. You matter more than Iwaizumi’s stupid girl problem.

It’s why you don’t think twice when you blurt it out after agreeing to help.

“We need a contract.”

“A contract?” Hajime parrots back, broad arms crossed over his equally broad chest and the intense training you’ve instilled in yourself to not stare at him meets its limitations, lest you stoop down to the level of the girls he’s so desperate to evade. He’s grown so much, physically and personally, that it's hard to not look at him. You force yourself to glance around the crowded cafe, look anywhere but his veiny arms, and instead replace your view with the small restaurant you two frequent every Monday— the only day he has off from volleyball practice.

It’s a small establishment that sells teas and noodles, a pleasant find to make one day when the both of you were hungry pre-teens and full of time on your hands. It’s usually rather empty during this time as it’s just out of the line of sight to avoid the after-school rush of students, but today the line extends outside of the door, all attendees eager to have a taste of miso ramen and pushing against bodies to do so. The people behind you are respectful enough to give you as much space as one can afford in the cramped venue, but you end up still having to press yourself into the stiff body of the boy— no, man— beside you.

You have the decency to look at least a little uncomfortable in the tightness of the situation, but Hajime shows nothing. Whether it’s because he doesn’t even care that your chest is bracing against his arm or he’s too distracted with the complicatedness of his “girl” problem, his face betrays no embarrassment at the closeness. No frustration, no discomfort, not even annoyance. He merely exists, dealing with your body pressed against his as if this were a regular occurrence and not an awkward preemption to the farce that you’ve stupidly agreed to. This would surely haunt you for the rest of your years.

This man of steel, this monolith of lean, corded muscle, was going to be your “boyfriend” for the next couple of weeks. You would be lucky if this arrangement even lasted for that long considering the confession of pure unadulterated adoration is crawling up the canal of your throat and tearing the fabric of your skin, sticking a middle finger at the rational parts of your brain trying desperately to hold it back.

Your fate is signed, knowing full and well that in your inability to deny Hajime— especially when he’s so desperate, which is a rarity in and of itself— you’ve willingly agreed to have your dignity and confidence stripped from your person and your feelings thrown in a loop for the sake of his sanity.

It’s annoying. Every potential hypothetical plays itself in high definition across the theatre of your mind and each one ends with you being brutally rejected once again. There’s no way you could handle something like that again, no matter how much you’ve matured.

This is a bad idea, and you need to tell him that.

But then the sight of pleading jades enters your vision and you distinctly remember the permanent frown that etched itself on Hajime’s face these past three months. Remember how the feelings of deep discomfort forced him to confide in you on a late-night phone call when sleep evaded him and he detailed the dread he felt at the prospect of going to school the next school day.

If your mouth even opened a fraction to breathe, you’re sure the “I’m in love with you and have been since sixth grade” will come tumbling out, but even the fear of that happening doesn’t overpower the overwhelming desire to help the man you’re madly in love with.

There’s a limit to what would be forsaken in the name of Iwaizumi Hajime’s happiness, but your sanity isn’t it.

The situation worsens when the subtle shifting of the patrons behind you throws you off balance and forces you impossibly closer to him. The shuffling of feet knocks into your own, tilting you off balance despite your leaning against Hajime. A rebuttal is on the tip of your tongue ready to be released in rapid-fire when Hajime beats you to it.

He quickly wraps his arm around your waist, allowing your unsteady feet to find balance against his lean body of stone, clutching you tightly to his side as if the accidental push against you were a personal offense.

The protective nature that so often lies dormant in his personality rears its head forward and you swear your heart stops beating altogether.

“Easy,” he mutters, a layer of strict dismay interweaving in his words as he casts a pointed side glare at the two boys standing behind you. You hardly hear it, much too occupied with trying not to drown in the sudden flooding of his cologne in your nostrils.

Musk and spice. His usual scent, but even more addicting when it’s this close.

This is a bad idea. This is a horrible, bad, awful idea. Bad, bad, bad idea.

You have to end this. You won’t survive this.

“C-contract.” You, somehow, manage to spit out, shaking your head free from the waft of his scent and the strength of his arm across your back.

Okay, not necessarily ending this but protecting yourself. Yeah, that’s it. Because there is no way you want him to keep acting like this, no. You’re just doing this to help and totally not to selfishly indulge in the delight of being his, even if it is fake.

He tears his narrowed eyes away from the boys behind you to glance at you, the remnants of disapproval flickering in the sea of green that you swear only evens out when he looks at you, “Right. What’s in this contract?”

“The, uh, basics,” you begin, voice slowly finding its footing after the intense whiplash you just experienced. You're surprised you can even form words that aren’t resembling proclamations of desire, “What we can and can’t do, how long this is for, and so on.”

“That’s a good idea,” He breathes out. The line shifts forward, and the cashier finally enters the field of view. With a quick recoil, as though his skin were burned by the action, he removes his hand from around your waist. The warmth of his arm rescinds with it, and that thirteen-year-old girl that has fantasized for years about this, whines in desperation. You quickly tell her to shut up.

He clears his throat, awkwardness filling the cramped and stale air, “Uh, sorry. About that.”

He avoids your eyes and you quickly look around too, “It’s fine.”

A silence ensues. It’s not uncomfortable, per se, but it’s a far cry from the brief pauses in conversation that usually occur between the two of you. The comfortable silences that occur naturally between friends of five years. You wonder if you should address it, address the fact that if you two were to pull this off— and pull it off well— there were going to be more moments when he was going to have to touch you like that.

He was going to have to hold your hand and give you frequent hugs and actually act like he was in love with you. Act.

You swallow at the prospect. Not like that would be hard for you to do, you think rather pitifully.

There are two more couples in front of you when you say, “I’d like to institute the first provision.”

Hajime quirks an eyebrow, his lips lifting upward, an obvious sign of gratefulness at being able to brush over that weird moment of physicality. He doesn’t know why it was instinctual, or why he even thought that placing his hand that low around your waist would be a good idea. But, he did it; And it’s quite the revelation when he realizes he didn’t mind it.

At all.

“Oh yeah? And what’s that?” He glances at you to his right, the teasing smile gracing your features and the recognizable glint of mischief in your eyes.

“You have to buy all of the food we eat together.”

He scoffs out a laugh, shaking his head, “I already buy all of our food.”

“I always pay you back!”

“You owe me at least three-thousand yen.”

“Okay, an addendum to provision one.”

“Shoot.”

“You buy all of our food and forgive my debts.”

He laughs louder tilting his head back as his teeth peek from his pink lips. It’s the bark of laughter that swells your beating heart with confidence. You may not have him romantically, but there’s no denial of the fact that he likes you in his life, especially when you can make him laugh like that, “I’m starting to think this contract is only beneficial to you.”

It’s your turn to raise an eyebrow at him, the body still tucked tightly beside his as feet shuffle forward in the line, “In case you’ve forgotten, I’m doing you a huge favor.”

“Trust me, I haven’t forgotten.” A silence befalls again, this one not as tense as before. A small smile plays on his lips and there’s a sincerity behind his gaze that reminds you of how appreciative he really is for this. Hajime isn’t sure he’ll ever be able to repay you for stepping in and helping him in the most intimate of ways that you most likely would rather not do. There wasn’t ever an expressed interest in the dating scene from you, always denying the occasional confession that came your way and never thinking twice about the romantic holidays that come and go.

He wonders why because if you tried, you’d have every guy within a ten-foot radius begging for your attention. Surely one of them would be worthy of your love. (He doesn’t agree though. There’s no one in this world who could ever be worthy of you. Not when you smile so brightly and tease so enticingly. No one would ever deserve that part of you. No one that he would ever approve of, anyway..) He’s not dumb in realizing that your willingness to engage in a romantic relationship with him— even if it is a fake one— is a large deviation from the norm. It’s not something to be taken lightly.

So, he owes you. Big time. Whatever you want, whatever you put in this contract, he’ll do. He’ll be the best boyfriend you’ve ever had.

(Fake boyfriend, he has to remind himself. He swallows down the disappointment.)

“Thank you.” he breaks the silence, rubbing the back of his heating neck, “Again. For doing this for me. I don’t—”

“Ah, ah!” You interrupt, holding your hand upwards and wagging a finger at him, “I haven’t done anything yet, so don’t start thanking me so soon. Who knows? I might sabotage this whole thing, be the worst girlfriend you could ever imagine.”

The couple in front of you finishes their order, stepping to the side to allow the both of you forward. You step up, dragging him with you but you don’t miss the low throaty chuckle he emits when he says, “You like me too much to do that.”

He pats the top of your head, smoothing the fly-away hairs with a wink and a sly smile, and then, like nothing even happened, he steps up to the counter, taking the initiative and placing your usual orders. There’s both too much nuance and not enough to his statement to determine if you should be scared at his words. Does he know? Did Oikawa tell him?

You don’t even notice when he puts both food items on one bill.

It’s then that you remember, with little humor like someone who’s forgotten a necessary step to an important project, that while you’ve done a lot of growing and building these past four years to fortify the walls of your heart, so has he. He’s stronger, more confident, more sturdy.

Fourteen-year-old you built the walls for a fourteen-year-old Iwaizume Hajime. She didn’t even think to consider the damage eighteen-year-old Ace and Vice-Captain of the Seijoh Volleyball Team could do. Not with a spike those strong arms could make and a sea of green that you still drown in.

The first large crack in the barriers has been made.

He turns to face you upon finishing the order, stepping to the side and bracing his body against the far wall of the restaurant to allow the next customers to the counter. That damn sly smile is still on his face, and it’s then you realize that he has to know. He has to know what he’s doing, or at least know that it’s doing something to you.

“So,” he tucks his hands into the pockets of his uniform pants, biceps bulging at the action “tell me about this contract, sweet girlfriend of mine.”

end notes: god damn glad that’s over. what did yall think?? too much? not enough? lemme know! i love reading all of your tags and comments, it fills me with such happiness :))))

tag list: @bruh-kill-me @owlnymph @airybnb @yukiilu-personal @cathwritestragediesnotsins @berna-dette

#haikyuu iwazumi #iwaizumi x reader #iwaizumi hajime x reader #iwaizumi x you #iwaizumi hajime x you #my writing #haikyuu!!#haikyuu x reader #haikyuu x you

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bratkook · 4 years

Text

clairvoyant. (m) part ten.

masterlist

pairing: jungkook x reader , taehyung x reader word count: 21.3k genre: smut, angst, fluff warnings: mentions of violence (jungkook gets decked), a series of very unfortunate events happen to jungkook i’m sorry lol, its cute at the end tho, penetrative sex, nothing too crazy author’s note: hi i know this is like very overdue...but the writers block was gnarly with this chapter. nonetheless it’s here!! i’m gonna go bury my head under sand now that this is finished bc i can’t believe i actually finished this story...anyways i hope you enjoyed it, pls let me know what you think of the series! byeee ily

“Hey,” Jimin snaps his fingers in front of Jungkook’s face, only making the boys nose crinkle up but otherwise not stirring him from his slumber. Hazy dreams consisting of the potential child that could have been, wrapped up in a white blanket, cloud his mind too much to hear Jimin’s attempt to wake up.

“Wakey wakey.” He pats your cheeks this time, his fingers pressing into your face and squishing your cheeks until your lips are puckered out. On the flip side you’re too tired out to dream, your mind playing a nice little montage of pure white noise, showcasing that your brain was currently out of service.

To be fair, Jimin had given the two of you more than enough time to wake up on your own terms but he had been sitting in his own home bored beyond belief while you two snoozed away and honestly, neither of you looked comfortable.

Jungkook was slouched into the couch, his butt near the edge while his head hung forward, you were contorted into a pretzel with your limbs sprawled in unnatural positions. Your head still lay resting on Jungkook’s lap, your neck tilting up at an angle that bordered on painful but your face looked at ease while Jimin squished it.

His fingers move from squishing your cheeks to pinching your nose because desperate times called for desperate measures.

He counts slowly and before he gets to nine, you let out a strangled gasp, your eyes shooting open as you aggressively swat in front of you, smacking Jimin’s hands off of your face as your lungs search for oxygen.

You’re half asleep still, not entirely sure what happened so when Jimin stares at you innocently, a fake look of concern on his face, you don’t catch on to his bullshit when he asks whats wrong.

“Jimin?” You mumble out, rubbing at your eyes weakly as you push yourself up into a sitting position. The muscles in your neck ache considering you had slept half lifted up on Jungkook’s thighs. Your hand digs into the still sleeping boy as you push up, more specifically his crotch, the pressure causing him to groan before his own eyes are fluttering open.

“What’s going on?” He rasps out, his face screwed up while he tries to blink the sleep away, the throbbing pain in his crotch being momentarily forgotten.

“Wow, so weird that you two woke up at the same time. An absolute mystery.” Jimin shrugs, an unconvincing smile on his plump lips, the piercing you gave him months ago glimmering at the action. “But now that you’re up, anyone want breakfast?”

As you slowly come to, the dull ache in your head reminds you of the bottle of wine you and Jungkook downed last night, and with that comes the feeling of relief once more.

Jungkook on the other hand had focused his blurry sight on the last remaining test still on the coffee table. The two of you had celebrated last night but there was still the slim, slim, chance that those two tests were duds. Jungkook liked to think he had some good karma saved up but the chain of events of the last few weeks had proven him otherwise. Now he was partially convinced that someone of a higher power had it out for him, but he would pray to whoever would listen to give him another stroke of luck with this.

He raises one weak hand, finger pointing at the cardboard box in a way that resembles a horror movie and when you and Jimin follow the line and you sigh as you realize it was in fact a horror movie, “Right, fuck. It’s fine, it’ll be fine.”

When your eyes look to Jimin, a look in them making it clear that he had to say some comforting words right now, and he can only muster up a pathetic, “Right.”

Jungkook chuckles under his breath when you scoff, reaching out with his hand to rest on your shoulder to comfort you, “Yeah it’ll be fine, do you uh–“ he pauses slightly, not wanting to push his luck once more, “do you want me to go with you again?”

Jimin is merely an observer, his butt rested on his coffee table as his eyes flicker back and forth between you two, acting like shy teenagers as if Jungkook hadn’t blown his load in you, resulting in the pregnancy test drama of last night.

Cute.

“No, I think i’ll be fine alone this time.” You turn to fully face him for the first time this morning and when you smile at him Jungkook smiles back. His eyes are puffy and his hair is ruffled up on one side and completely flat on the other, in return, you still have traces on your face of whatever makeup you hadn’t cried off, your hair tangled together at the side of your head. The two of you look like absolute messes but theres a small glow of happiness around the two of you.

“Im thinking eggs & bacon, do we agree?” Jimin speaks up, breaking the small staring match you two had going. He would’ve let you continue, really he loved watching the lovey dovey heart eyes or whatever, but his stomach was growling and the way you two are acting along with that has the tiniest twinge of nausea curling in his gut.

“Do you have hash browns?”

Jimin can only scoff, pulling out his phone to add as much hash browns as Jungkook’s heart desired, “Baby, its uber eats I can get you all the hash browns you want.” He reaches out and pats his cheek gently, “Don’t you worry.”

When Jungkook places a hand over his chest in dramatics, you reach over and grab the remaining test, wanting to leave the bromance swirling in the air. As your hands curl around the cardboard the initial nerves and pure panic you felt last night was missing, you had been reassured twice that you weren’t and you were blocking out the fact that todays test could be different.

You weren’t going to be a mother. Jungkook wasn’t going to be a father.

As you walk over to the bathroom Jimin watches you from the corner of his eyes as he fills out the order on his phone, he knew your breakfast favorites so he didn’t have the need to ask you.

The second he deems you far away enough his eyes look up at Jungkook and the boy looks nervous, his teeth nibbling on his bottom lip as his eyes bounce from staring at Jimin’s phone to the now closed bathroom door. It’s evident that Jungkook is no longer nervous about the idea of you being with child, no his nerves were on royally fucking this up a second time, because thats apparently what he did best.

Jungkook jumps slightly when Jimin places his hand on his bouncing knee, a reassuring smile on his face as he stares at him, “Relax Thumper, just don’t be an idiot and you’ll be fine.”

The look Jungkook throws his way has Jimin laughing, don’t be an idiot right like he had done such a good job before.

“Right, sorry. Just–“ he sighs and completes the order on the phone, “be honest with her man. I know you mean well but don’t be naive enough to think all you need to do is bat your eyes at her and she’s yours.”

In theory, Jungkook knows this, he knows that just because you two had cleared the air last night didn’t necessarily mean everything was golden now. He wanted to properly make amends, properly confess to the way he was feeling after having it bottled down and shoved so far down his throat he was surprised he could even speak. But he didn’t really want to do it over breakfast while Jimin watched the entire exchange go down like his favorite movie.

When you exit the bathroom with a giant smile at being confirmed once again that you were not pregnant, he can’t even get himself to match your cheers of glee as you clap, Jimin standing up and joining in on your frolicking, the two of you twirling around like school children playing games.

The only thing on Jungkook’s mind is last night, how thanks to the wine you were so quick to deny being with Taehyung even though it was half true, telling him he’s on thin ice but somewhat forgiven. He’s absolutely stumped on what is and what isn’t okay in terms of acting.

But the more he thinks of it the more he feels queasy, so he forces the thought away, focusing instead on the breakfast placed in front of him by Jimin, hoping the hash browns he had asked for were enough to settle his nerves.

You take note of Jungkook’s behavior, how he’s quiet as he pushes his food around with his fork, lost in his mind while you and Jimin joked around sat at his dining table. His ears only tune in near the end once Jimin states he has to leave.

“Wait why?” Jungkook mumbles out, pushing his half finished breakfast away from him as he stares at Jimin, already stood up and tossing the containers away.

“Damage control, my parents are pretty pissed we ditched their event so I need to go make amends before they cut me off.” He mimics a scissor cutting motion with his fingers, trying to make light of the situation but you can only cringe at his words, covering your face with your palms as you remember the slight scene you had caused.

You had surely did it now, crying in the hallway of some fancy event and only solidifying the hatred you knew his mom had for you.

“Im sorry.” You mumble behind your hands, dragging them down your face as you frown.

Jimin waves you off with a roll of his eyes, slipping on his leather jacket and pulling out his phone, “Don’t be, it’ll be fine. You guys can stay here if you want to.”

You sigh and begin cleaning up your mess as well, “No, I think I’ve used up my allotted time for refuge for the entire week.” The slight guilt you felt from last night not allowing you to overstay your welcome even though you knew that there was no such thing with him but Jimin had done enough for you already, you couldn’t hide in his apartment all day.

“Yeah, I should probably go too.” Jungkook speaks up, if you were leaving he wanted to go with you, desperately wanting some alone time when neither of you were inebriated to properly talk.

As you say your goodbyes and order the uber Jungkook’s nerves take over once more, standing in relative silence on the sidewalk as you wait for the car. He can see the way you stare at him in curiosity, your hands clasped in front of you as you wonder what was clouding his mind so much to turn him into this.

It only gets worse when you get into the car, and once he sees the campus approaching in the distance he feels that same anxiety seize his throat, wrapping around his tongue and weighing it down. His window of opportunity was minimizing, slowly slipping out of his grasp because he was too tongue tied, too nervous to say the wrong thing again.

It’s not until you two step out and onto the pathway leading towards the center of campus that he forces his mouth to start moving, “Wait–“ he practically chokes out, his tongue remembering how to form words after being held captive by his nerves.

He doesn’t even notice he had reached out and grabbed onto your shoulder in an attempt to stop you from walking away after saying goodbye. A curious smile is on your lips as you stare at his hand and follow it up to his face, the typical Jungkook look on it that softens you up.

When you raise your brow up in question he forces himself to sputter out the rest of his sentence, “Do you maybe want a coffee, you know, for old times sake?”

He finally feels his body relax when the smile doesn’t leave your face, a tiny nod of your head easing his nerves further, “Sure, I promise not to toss it this time.”

Jungkook matches your smile, “Deal.”

He shoves his hands into his jean pockets, inching away from you backwards towards the cafe, a tiny grin on his face as he motions you over with a flick of his head. He continues to step away, his strides getting wider when you start to follow him, a teasing lift of his lips that only increases when he speeds up, a laugh spilling out of him when he sees you run after him to catch up.

Your arm hooks around his when you reach him, a similar laugh leaving you when he knocks his hip in to yours, the two of you walking in calm silence up the path. Its still relatively early in the day, and considering it’s a Sunday the majority of students are still in bed nursing hangovers from the night before so everything around you seems untouched. The colored leaves on the floor laying in piles along the stoned path, the occasional squirrel shooting past in a haste to get to the next tree, not at all what you’re used to seeing on campus.

Its such a stark contrast from the chaotic events of last night, the both of you getting a chance to actually breathe, the small sense of normalcy returning and you didn’t realize how much you missed it until this moment, how much you missed just being around Jungkook in a casual setting.

Unfortunately that tiny taste of serenity doesn’t last for long, the minute the two of you step into the cafe, your arm still locked around Jungkook’s, you feel his body tense up instantly. His eyes lock onto Jisoo’s as she’s stood behind the counter, her lips pulled together tightly as she tries her best to keep a neutral face for the sake of her job, but when she sees the way your arm is holding onto his she can’t control the way her brows pinch on her forehead.

“Oh man.” Jungkook groans, stepping further into the building and you have enough sense to unhook your arm to prevent the situation from taking a turn for the worst.

“Hi, welcome to Java Brew, what can I get you.” She speaks through gritted teeth, a forced smile on her face as she glances at Jungkook before looking directly at you. She looks like she wants to combust, maybe have the floor swallow her whole while taking one of you with her.

Neither of you were on her good side, with Jungkook rejecting her advances and you verbally coming to his rescue and calling her out in this exact shop, it’s not a shock when the same coworker as last time swoops in as he senses the tension and tells her to go to the back.

When she enters the employee back room, slamming the door and having it echo in the empty cafe the other worker sends you an apologetic look, “Sorry, she’s not having a good day. What can I get you?”

Jungkook feels his body relax now that there wasn’t a stare down happening, being able to list out both of your orders and paying with ease, the two of you slowly making your way to the furthest booth from the counter, wanting to remain hidden if Jisoo came back out.

By the time your drinks are brought to you Jungkook has built up enough courage to do what he wanted to do. His hands cup his drink cautiously, his lips rolling together as he watches you take a small sip of your own. It was now or never and realistically the worst that could happen was flat out rejection and he was willing to accept that, especially after everything that had transpired.

“Hey Y/N,” he softly speaks out, “look I know we barely got on okay terms last night but I need to be honest with you.”

Your eyebrows raise slightly at his words, setting your cup back down as you stare at him inquisitively, “Oh, honesty? Thats a big change from before, sure Jungkook.”

He knows your words are teasing, especially with the way you grin at him, a roll of his eyes being sent your way as his mind tries to wrap around the words he wants to say.

“I’m just going to go ahead and say everything I wanted to say that one morning.” His voice is stern, not towards you, almost to himself in an attempt to prevent him from chickening out.

“Okay.” Is your only response, taking another sip of your drink as he lets out a tiny breath of air.

“Okay.” He repeats, pursing his lips, “First off, I want to thank you, for being a good friend to me even when I clearly didn’t deserve it, for going out of your way and offering to help my inexperienced ass out.”

As much as you want to chime in with a teasing joke you swallow it down, seeing just how much he was struggling to find the right words.

“It probably doesn’t seem like much to you because thats just the kind of person you are so maybe you don’t notice it, but you’ve helped me bring out a side of myself that I’ve always wanted to show.”

He takes a second to breathe, sneaking a small glance at you and seeing a tiny smile on your face as you wait patiently, “I know I have moments where I’m still stuck in my shell but more often than not the moments I have where I feel like the person I want to be, its when I’m around you. And after everything that happened I’m so–“

The word dies on the way out when he watches as your eyes narrow at him and he already knows why, the apology hanging off his tongue being the culprit, something you told him you didn’t want to hear. So Jungkook shoves it back, stomping it down his throat with cleated shoes to prevent it from ever coming back up.

With a slight clear of his throat he continues like it never happened, “I don’t want to lie to myself or you anymore, the crush I have on you is still here, growing even and I’ve been wanting to ask you this for weeks now. If you think you feel anything for me, even the slightest bit, can I please take you out on a date. A proper one.”

Its starts as a flutter in your gut, the sensation spreading until the warmth in your cheeks gives away to how you’re feeling. Jungkook’s confession made you feel the way you thought it would, the nervous glint in his eyes but determination set in his tone had words of acceptance itching to fall from your tongue.

Thats when the flashes of Taehyung’s words ring in your ear, talk of going on dates and figuring out feelings echoing inside your mind. Jungkook can see your inner turmoil, your eyebrows creasing your forehead, your lips pursed in a way that shows him you’re holding back and he knows rejections coming. He can just feel it in his bones, a sad smile on his face as he just waits for you to say it.

“Oh Jungkook,” you sigh almost solemnly, a slight frown tugging down your lips as you stare at him, “had you told me this the morning of I would’ve said yes, instantly. I know I’m not officially with Taehyung but we’re kind of in the middle of figuring it out and I don’t think it’d be fair for anyones feelings if I try to juggle the both of you.”

It was the truth, as much as you knew where your feelings lied with both of them, you owed it to Taehyung to be honest with him, especially after everything he had done to try to prove his feelings. Although the two of you were navigating this rather blindly, jumping ship just because Jungkook had decided to finally own up to his emotions seemed too impulsive even for you, no matter how much you wanted to.

Jungkook understood, you didn’t owe him anything, but at least now he had that weight lifted off of his shoulders. Being able to speak his truth without letting other people’s off handed comments influence him made a small sense of pride bloom inside of him.

This wouldn’t stop Jungkook from nurturing the seed of a crush he had, now blossomed into the prettiest petals, it didn’t matter how much space it took in his chest. If and when things with you and Taehyung moved forward or fizzled out he’d like to think that you and him would remain okay regardless. That was good enough for him.

So as he walks you back to your dorm he doesn’t feel the sting of rejection he anticipated, being able to joke and talk to you like he used to, no longer worried about looking into your eyes because he knew the fire you had in them from before was long gone. He lets himself smile along to the way you laugh at a stupid joke he had told, his eyes crinkling up as he sees how your head drops forward as your laughter fills the air.

It was the obvious heart eyes he was currently sporting that allowed any onlookers to know just how he felt, and unfortunately for Jungkook one of those onlookers just so happens to be Kim Taehyung.

That streak of bad luck Jungkook thought was cleared after this morning seems to make a u-turn and head right back his way, full speed, with no intention of breaking.

Whoever must be in charge of Jungkook’s timeline of events must be cackling from up above when they see Taehyung glance up from his phone by chance. He was currently perched on one of the benches outside of your dorms, nerves causing him to overthink everything as he scrolled through his phone.

You hadn’t responded to any of his texts last night, and neither had Jimin, so he had assumed the worst. He found himself stalking your socials and his friends’, checked the morning news for anything and then forced himself to calm down because the rational side of his brain told him that odds were you were drunk off your ass and asleep at Jimin’s.

The very last thing he expected to see was you walking up to your building, a giddy smile on your face, with Jungkook right beside you and those dumb heart eyes on his.

Taehyung is somewhat regretting not having gone up to your room to wait if you’d show up because the minute he sees Jungkook he’s seeing red. It’s almost a blessing that you or Jungkook don’t see the way he stands up from the bench and swoops in, firmly pressing his hands against Jungkook’s chest and shoving him a little harder than he might have intended.

Jungkook goes from looking at you to the world spinning around until his back collides with the floor in a nasty thud, the air leaving his lungs in a whoosh, the burning feeling of being winded only leaving him more confused as he lays on the floor.

“Oh my god!” Your voice sounds warped from the way his blood pounds in his ears, your head whipping to the side when you see the way Jungkook gets tackled in a blur.

Taehyung says nothing as he hops onto the boy with a grunt, straddling his chest and swinging once, his fist colliding with Jungkook’s jaw, his knuckles swiping his nose, leaving a burning trail in its wake. Instantly Jungkook knows it broke skin, with the coppery taste of blood filling his mouth and the warmth of it dripping down his nose it’s not hard to tell.

“Didn’t I tell you to stay the fuck away?” Is all Taehyung snarls out, no longer fighting, one punch was enough to get his point across. Instead he just rests his weight on Jungkook’s stomach, his jean clad knees digging into the concrete.

The anger he feels slowly starts to fizzle out until his tunnel vision widens and he realizes Jungkook is merely laying underneath him without saying a word, a dazed look on his face from just having been pummeled into the ground.

“Are you kidding me?” You shout out, your brows pinched together as you move to stand behind him, scooping your hands under his arms and hauling his body off the freshman with all your strength.

Taehyung doesn’t resist, letting you stand him up and away while Jungkook groans on the floor, having to shake his head slightly to try to see straight.

He hadn’t even realized who had been the attacker until Taehyung spoke, this just confirmed that Jungkook would have definitely not been able to stand his ground against him if he was actually getting jumped. Jungkook might have the up on him in terms of muscle and strength but where Taehyung lacked in muscle he made up is quickness, along with pure determination and rage on his side, and that always won.

“Fuck..” Jungkook wipes at his face, effectively smearing the blood around and making it worse, he pulls his fingers away from his face and see the mess on them. At least this time the shirt he was wearing was black.

“Taehyung,” you snap, twirling him around in your grasp and having to cup his face to get him to stare at you since he kept glaring at Jungkook, “what the hell was that for?”

His eyes immediately soften when he stares at you, even though you look absolutely livid his heart still melts at the way your nose scrunched up as you glared at him, anger swirling around in your eyes.

“Honestly, just had to get that out of my system.” He shrugs like its no big deal and has the audacity to try to go in for a kiss as if he hadn’t just plowed Jungkook down like a wrestling match. His eyes open up once his lips meet air when you dodge it and he frowns, “What?”

When you say nothing he sighs in defeat, eyes moving back over to Jungkook when the boy groans to life and starts to haul himself up, his hand coming to cradle his jaw, turning his head to spit out the blood in his mouth in a grimace.

“Fair, I think I’ve had that coming.” Jungkook speaks with a wince when his fingers touch his nose, thankful that his track record hadn’t resulted in it breaking, yet.

Taehyung motions out with his arm to prove his point and you sigh when you look back at him, seeing the innocent look on his face, “Is he bothering you?”

“Bothering me? What?”

“Yeah,” he leans in closer as Jungkook finally stands up, “I mean, why else is he with you...” he trails off, curiously turning his head to stare at Jungkook. The younger boy was a shit liar and pretender, all it took was one sharp stare for the guilt to be written all over his face. Taehyung could see that Jungkook had done something, what it was though he had yet to find out.

As much as you didn’t want to tell Taehyung about last night you felt like you owed him that much since you were loosely dating. However, you really didn’t want to tell him out in public after he had knocked Jungkook onto his ass once already.

“Its a long story, I’ll tell you inside.”

Taehyung wasn’t this alpha male that wanted to have a claim over you, he had just set Jungkook straight for the disrespect, but the slight guilt was growing inside of him when he sees the defeated look on the younger boy’s face. He was unaware that you and him had talked it out briefly so when he saw him strutting up with you after he had told him to stay away it seemed like he was pushing his luck. As he looks around and sees the tiny crowd that had gathered to watch what they thought would be a beat down he realizes he might have crossed a line.

Jungkook was currently using Jimin’s borrowed shirt to wipe the blood off his face, his arm waving you off when he saw the look of concern on it, “Really, I’m fine. I don’t blame him.”

“I’m sorry Kook.” You weakly respond, stepping towards him to make sure he was okay but he stops you, a shake of his head as he looks at Taehyung again. The last thing he needed was Taehyung swinging a second time because you had checked up on him.

When he wipes at his nose once more he hisses when he feels the burn of whatever skin had broken open, “Don’t worry about it, I’ll see you in class.” He doesn’t wait for a response, feeling a tiny bit of embarrassment at just being pummeled in front of you after you had a decent night, all things considered, and a pretty nice morning. Somehow the morning after never seemed to work in his favor.

You watch as Jungkook’s silhouette gets smaller in the distance, Taehyung finally relaxing when he can no longer see him, turning to you and taking the lead to walk into your dorm.

He wraps his arms around you, resting his chin on your head as you shuffle inside, his arms squeezing you until you’re laughing instead of trying to push him away, succeeding in momentarily distracting you of the small beating he had done. Joy just gives you a wave as you two walk on by, your arms digging into Taehyung’s side to get him to release you since his hold had become crushing.

Tae just laughs when you shove him away forcefully, his back hitting the side of the elevator as you gasp for air dramatically, “Jesus, you trying to strangle me?”

“Aren’t you into that?”

You scoff and press the elevator button for the second floor, “Usually not like that.”

He steps towards you again with a goofy smile, his large palm spreading open as he guides it to your throat like he knew you liked, “Oh, baby don’t worry I know how to do that.” He gingerly wraps it around you, pressing into your skin with a smirk on his face when your mouth drops open slightly in shock at the audacity he had.

He steps closer to you, his hand still on your throat as he looks down at you. But as he leans down, just about to press his lips to yours its never comes, your hand pulls his palm away from your neck as you step further away from him, “You think I’m gonna kiss you after that?” You question, your eyes narrowing at him and he gulps, not knowing if you were being serious or not but the elevator dings, the door sliding open.

“C’mon.” You shrug, stepping out of the elevator and waving him towards you. His long strides match yours, grabbing your hand and tugging you along in an attempt to lighten the mood. Success ringing in his head once more when he hears you giggling softly as you stumble behind him, but he only tugs you faster until you’re forced to keep up. It’s a playful race to your room, just for the sake of making a challenge out of it but Taehyung’s legs are too long and you’re barely able to keep up with his pace as he drags you along chaotically.

“You’re like fucking bambi.” Taehyung laughs out as you collide with his back when he reaches your door and stops abruptly.

“Dude, you’re hauling my ass around.” You swat at him before pulling out your room key, he takes it from your hand and slides it into the compartment until your door clicks open.

He’s expecting to walk in and see your room mate knocked out on her side but its spotless, her sheets neatly folded and the ever present sticky note pressed against your desk, announcing that she’d be gone most of the day cramming with her study group. You could picture Wendy now, a big gulp size of coffee in front of her and her jumbo framed glasses sitting on her face as she scrambles through her notes.

“So,” you start, facing Taehyung as he makes himself beyond comfortable on your bed, “you want to go ahead and tell me why the hell you decided to tackle Jungkook down like a wrestling match?”

Taehyung scoffs in disbelief, “You wanna tell me why you guys were chillin together all buddy buddy when you were icing him out just yesterday?”

“Not really.” You mutter out under your breath, setting your bag on top of your desk and slipping out of your shoes. You knew you had to tell him though, if things seriously progressed with Taehyung you’d feel guilty having never told him what transpired in the early stages of this.

“Does this require me tackling him down again?” He implores, a stupid grin on his face.

“No, definitely not. Please don’t ever do that again, need I remind you you’re not exactly on the administrations good graces, if you get caught fighting you’ll be kicked out Taehyung.”

He waves you off without a care, if Taehyung was kicked out it would be a blessing in disguise.

“I won’t, now can you tell me whats up? You look like you wanna barf.”

A laugh reaches his ears as you shuffle onto the bed with him, choosing to face him fully as you sat with your back towards the end of your bed.

“You should’ve seen me last night.”

His eyes widen up, a smile accompanying it, “Oh my god, did you and Jimin get shit faced? Did you finally destroy the stupid ice sculpture they always have?” Taehyung’s mind is already going into overdrive as he tries to mentally calculate the amount of money in damages you and Jimin could have theoretically caused but then he pauses.

How did Jungkook fit into this?

“I wish we got shit faced.” Your voice lowers in tone, your fingers deciding to pluck at the exposed thread on your comforter, “We kind of had to leave early because I was having a panic attack.”

Taehyung just tilts his head in curiosity, choosing to remain silent because he still didn’t know how Jungkook came into the picture, how you having a panic attack at Jimin’s parents event resulted in you and Jungkook getting coffee this morning. It all seemed like a riddle and Taehyung really didn’t want to have to guess his was through it.

“I kind of thought I was pregnant last night.”

“What? Why didn’t you tell me anything, should I go get a test?” The look on your face shuts him up entirely once more, the realization hitting him at once when he understands. It all makes sense now, Jungkook slotting into the missing piece, “Oh...it was?”

“Jungkook’s yeah.”

Its quiet for a moment, Taehyung briefly wondering if you were in fact pregnant with his room mates child and thats why you two had decided to make amends. His gaze lands on your stomach, wishing he could see through the fabric of your shirt.

“Are you?”

Your eyes practically bulge out when you look up at him, “No! No, I’m not.”

Taehyung joins in on your nervous laughter, finally feeling like he could breathe, “Poor kid,” he jokes, his hand running through his hair as he laughs, “I bet he was in a hurry to tell you it wasn’t his or something huh?”

A frown replaces the smile on your lips and Taehyung catches it right away, the scrunch in your brows as you almost look offended by his comment, “No actually. He was very supportive, he was ready to replan his entire life and let me have the baby if thats what I wanted.”

Taehyung hadn’t been expecting that, he hadn’t thought the boy who had pretended you two weren’t friends anymore would be ready to become a dad after one night together. Hell Taehyung hadn’t been ready to become a dad the last time you had a pregnancy scare, he wasn’t sure he ever would be ready.

“Are you guys relieved then or?” He couldn’t gauge the tone, usually one would be ecstatic over not being pregnant but you just seemed nonchalant about it all. You sat on your bed like you had so much more you had to say and it makes him a little nervous.

“Of course we are, I’m not ready to be a mom just yet and Jungkook, as supportive as he was, isn’t ready for a kid either. We weren’t even talking before last night so can you imagine?” You try to tease but the tone drops too much for him to play along because he knows what he has to do.

Taehyung just studies your face for a minute, the way you’re refusing to look into his eyes as you talk to him. He knows more went on between you and Jungkook, a pregnancy scare was not the sole reason you two were walking back to campus with the biggest smiles on your faces.

He knew of Jungkook’s crush on you and it seemed like you knew now too, the guilty expression on his face couldn’t be hidden even behind the small trails of blood and it spelled it out for him.

“Can I ask you something?” Taehyung whispers out, waiting until you finally look into his eyes and nod before speaking again, “If Jungkook hadn’t done what he did after Halloween, would this,” he motions between you two, “be a thing?”

“Thats not fair to ask.” You defend, a blank look on your face.

“Yes it is Y/N.”

“No it’s not Taehyung, if that wouldn’t have happened with Jungkook you wouldn’t have confessed and you know that.”

He sighs, sitting up higher on your bed and reaching for your hands gently, “But would you have wanted me to? I remember the night of the party after it all happened Y/N, the way you were acting wasn’t just because Jungkook stopped being a friend.”

“Its–“

“No, it’s fine Y/N. I know you’ve liked Jungkook for a while now, you can admit it. Please admit it, because acting like you don’t isn’t helping anyone.” He pauses to take a breath, his fingers still rubbing your knuckles in his grasp, “But as much as it hurts to know, I need you to tell me if you’re only pursuing things with me just because of what Jungkook did.”

It feels like theres a lump in your throat that you can’t swallow, and as much as you don’t want to cry again you can feel the slight sting in your eyes. “I like you Taehyung.”

He laughs, a gentle laugh that lets you know he isn’t upset, “I know you do babe, but do you like me as Taehyung your potential boyfriend or Taehyung your good friend.”

He can see the gears churning in your head, your eyes focused on his fingers instead of his face again, “Do you like me as much as you like Jungkook.” Is the final blow he gives, the way your face falls is answer enough for him but he needs to hear you say it for his own sanity.

“Taehyung.” You breathe out, finally looking into his eyes with a defeated expression.

“It’s okay if you don’t know.” He lets go of your hands now, “but I think you’d be doing yourself a disservice if you didn’t try to find out.”

He moves to get up from your bed and you reach for him when he finally stands, your hand wrapping around his arm and keeping him next to your bed, the earlier conversation with Jungkook coming back, “That’s not fair to you.”

Taehyung shrugs solemnly, “It’s not fair to you if I expect you to be with me regardless of how you might feel for someone else. I’ll always be here and you know that.”

“I love you Taehyung.” You mumble out with a small frown, your heart only twisting more when he laughs as if he’s not hurt.

He knows when you say you love him it’s not in the way he wants it to be, you love him as a friend, you love the Taehyung that would go out with you until 3am, the Taehyung that forces you to blow up prints of his ass. Not as the Taehyung who wanted to introduce you to his parents, who wanted to have you be his phone background. But he could live with that.

“I love you too Y/N.” He leans down to press a kiss against your forehead, giving you a final smile before pulling away from your grasp and leaving the room. It’s not until the door shuts behind him that he feels his resolve cracking, the small smile he had forced onto his face falling off. This was definitely not the way he thought the morning would go. He felt a little naive in thinking he could ease you into feeling the same way he did, especially when he already knew how you felt about Jungkook.

Maybe that was why he had been so hell bent on making sure Jungkook knew to stay away from you, knowing how easy it would be for him to win you over if he had to chance to talk to you. Taehyung and your relationship seemed doomed to fail from the beginning and it stung a little more when he realized that he was the only person who hadn’t seen it coming.

The buzzing from your back pocket makes you jump, the nerves you currently have only aiding in your heart pumping erratically. You set the coffee down on the bench beside you as you pull out your phone.

Jimin 7:56am : Don’t pussy out.

You glare at the phone, wishing he could see your face through the device. Don’t pussy out? Really. Thats sound advice but what else could you expect from Park Jimin.

The phone gets shoved back into your pocket as you grab the coffee once more and continue walking to your morning class. You had a plan set, Jungkook was always early to this lecture but you hoped the seat beside him was still open, at least for today.

It had been a few days since the pregnancy scare but it feels like it happened so long ago, the roller coaster of emotions that coursed through you during that night and the morning after had been such an over load for you. Jungkook and you hadn’t spoken in between it all, he said he’d see you in class so thats what you were going to do.

When you enter your building the chatter of students roaming around before their class fills the space. A familiar set of eyes spots you when you enter, a smile lifting his lips when he looks down at his own hands and spots the same coffee you most likely carry as well. He’s a good distance away from you, having chosen to sit at a table in the main room of the building instead of inside the classroom but now that he’s spotted you he gets up as well.

Once you enter your class you see that Jungkook isn’t here but his usual desk mate is, she’s sitting in her spot with her notebook spread out as she scribbles on it. Your plan had met a tiny hitch in the road but its surely something a charming smile could fix. She only looks up when you’re stood directly in front of her, a subtle clear of your throat getting her attention.

“Hi.” You grin in the friendliest way you can muster, “I know we’ve never spoken but do you mind if we switch seats for the day?”

Her eyebrow cocks up, a little confused by your odd request, “Oh uh, sure?”

“Great! Thank you, I sit up there.” You point with your pinky towards the top, right beside Jackson who’s currently staring at you like you’ve grown a third head, “He’s single and flirty so have fun.”

A blush tints her cheeks as she packs up her stuff with a bit of excitement at sitting next to another cute boy and when Jackson sees her making her way up the steps he can’t find it in himself to be upset because the girls cute too, shooting you a sly thumbs up as he fixes his hair up.

“Thats not your seat.”

The voice startles you, nearly dropping the drinks as you try to sit down in your new seat. Jungkook chuckles at your flustered state, setting his drinks down onto his own desk before sliding into his seat.

“I know it’s not, I can move if you want.” You tease, your eyes widening when they land on the identical cups of coffee he also has. Looks like the two of you had the same plan.

“Please don’t.” Jungkook slides into his own seat, sheepishly smiling when he stares at your drinks as well. “Am I being bold by assuming one of those is for me?”

“No,” you laugh, your fingers toying with the lid of your cup, “I think we both had the same idea tho.”

He just smiles widely as he hands your coffee over, “Fine by me, I drink two cups in the morning anyways.”

The both of you swap drinks, ending up with two of the same on your desks but the action makes you feel somewhat giddy inside, hiding your smile behind your cup as you take a sip.

“Why are you sitting here though, really?” He asks softly as he sips his coffee, his wide eyes glancing around the room and seeing the students slowly start to fill it up.

“Just wanted to sit next to you today, can we talk after class? I have something I need to tell you.”

That instantly makes Jungkook nervous, his stomach turning and making him stop drinking his coffee. There was something you needed to tell him...that could go in so many different directions.

You take note of his anxious face and try not to laugh as you drink your coffee, “Nothing bad I swear.”

“Okay,” he hesitates, biting around his straw, “sure.”

Jungkook can honestly say anything said during the entire lecture went in one ear and out the other. His brain was too busy exploring the different scenarios regarding why you wanted to talk after class. A million and one different options came to mind but he couldn’t find himself thinking any of them would be good for him.

Maybe you were going to tell him you two couldn’t be friends anymore after Taehyung had slammed him into the concrete. Or maybe the realization that you two almost had a baby had sunk in and when the smoke cleared you came to terms with the fact that Jungkook was a horrible potential partner and friend so you would be kicking him to the curb.

“Jungkook?”

His eyes are glazed over as he stares at the floor, his lips pursed in thought while his mind ran like a tiny hamster on a wheel.

“Jungkook.” You try again, reaching out and patting his cheek with your palm, smiling when his eyes blink back to the present. “You were up in the clouds.”

His eyes stare at you for a moment before roaming the room, only a handful of students remain packing up their belongings while Jungkook, who normally bolts out, stays seated for the first time in forever.

“Sorry.” He mumbles with a grin, finally coming into motion and stuffing his notebook into his bag. “Where did you wanna go?”

You patiently wait for him, your hip resting on the side of his desk, “We can go to that crepe place you showed me near campus?”

His face brightens up at the mention of it, standing up with a smile as he hooks his backpack over his shoulders, “Okay! C’mon.”

In a turn of events it’s now you who’s full of nerves as you and Jungkook walk off campus, fiddling with your hands in front of you while you made small talk, the tiny nervous habits he had picked up on coming out to play but he doesn’t comment on it.

He forces himself to not overthink anything again, not allowing his self sabotaging comments to derail anything, for all he knew you wanted to talk about possibly having secret santa since Christmas would be approaching soon.

Even as the two of you step into the crepe shop, placing your orders and taking a seat at a small table in a corner he doesn’t speak first, he just sits there with a small smile as he watches the way you scrape the polish off your fingernails.

“I’m really sorry about Taehyung,” Is what you blurt out, his smile falling from his face as he remembers being body slammed onto the ground with passing students watching in shock. Those were excellent first words for diving into this conversation.

“Please-” he chokes, thankful that your food gets brought out at that moment, “please don’t mention it. I’m okay, see, no bruises.” He motions to his face with a forced smile, eventually melting into a real one once more when he sees the way you start to giggle.

“Okay, sorry. I’ll pretend it never happened then?” Your pitch raises at the end and he nods in agreement. Pretending it never happened was fantastic, maybe it would help him forget as well.

“So was that why you asked to hang out?”

“No.”

Jungkook just blinks at you, slow and practiced, his mind displaying an error screen because he was at a loss. His mouth opens and closes once and you pity him, knowing he really doesn’t know how to respond to your vague answer.

“Is this about secret santa then?”

That has you at a loss too, your head tilting at him, “What?”

“Nothing.” He deflects, cutting up his banana and nutella crepe and stuffing it into his mouth just as quickly. It makes you laugh, your nerves momentarily fizzling out until it falls silent once more, the sound of his munching filling the empty space.

“Remember that conversation we had at the cafe before, you know.” You wave off, seeing him lick his lips and nod in confirmation, he definitely remembered that. Spilling his emotions out to you and getting a reality check in the form of rejection in return.

“Yeah,” he breathes out, pursing his lips as he stares at your untouched strawberry covered crepe, “sorry if it made you uncomfortable.”

“Jungkook, no, it didn’t. I just-” you wipe your sweaty palms on your thighs, begging your courage to not slip between your clammy fingers, “I was wondering if I could...maybe change my answer.”

The beeping computer noises in his brain quiet at that, his lips pushing out further in confusion, not wanting the excitement of the possibility that you might change your answer from a no into a yes to take over his rational thinking.

“But I thought you said no because of Taehyung?”

The slight sting of remembering Taehyung’s sad face flashes through your mind and you fidget in your seat uncomfortably.

“I did, but Taehyung and I had a conversation about all of it and we ended things.”

Jungkook frowns at that, not feeling the happiness he thought he would. He hoped it wasn’t because Taehyung had given him a gnarly right hook, he didn’t want that altercation to be what came between the two of you, “Wait, why?”

It was time for you to be honest, Jungkook had given that to you and considering these feelings had been clouding your mind ever since October, you owed it to yourself to finally admit to still having them. “Because I realized that I really like you Jungkook, a lot.”

He sets his fork down, letting the words process and fully sink in. The first inkling of happiness starts to creep up his spine, he feels a little bad that you and Taehyung ended things, especially because of him, but he can’t deny his feelings.

The nerves you felt start to dissipate when you see his lips stretch into a smile, his wide eyes almost sparkling as he stares at you with hints of excitement that match the way you feel inside.

“Really?” He almost whispers, leaning forward in his chair as if you two are sharing a forbidden secret.

A grin is sent his way as you mimic his actions, leaning over in your own seat to meet him halfway, “Yes really, so is that offer for a date still on the table?”

“Of course it is.”

You sit straight in your seat again, finally cutting in to your food now that you didn’t feel like puking out of nerves. Jungkook feels like things were going in his favor once more, maybe his good karma just took a while to kick in, the string of unfortunate events just being hurdles to test his patience.

“So, secret santa huh?”

He hums as he chews his food, wagging his fork at you as he swallows, “Don’t tell me you guys don’t do it?”

You stab through a strawberry as you think it over, you had actually never participated in secret santa before but it did seem like a fun exchange, “Can’t say we have, theres a first time for everything though.”

Jungkook wonders if your friend group would be civil with him if things with you progressed, sure Jimin seemed to be on okay terms with him but then again if Taehyung had plowed him down and Yoongi had sat him down for a talking, how the rest of them would act was currently a big mystery. Maybe Jungkook would have some ass kissing to do, but for now he found it was best to focus on ensuring your future date went exactly the way he wanted it to.

“I’m gonna need a detailed list of your favorite foods.”

That makes you laugh before you bring your food to your mouth, “Really, why?”

He just shrugs, “Because I want it to be perfect.”

Wendy sighs as she’s stood in front of you, her fingers gripping your jaw as she forces you to stop fidgeting in your chair.

“Can you stop!” She snaps, giving up on trying to apply your eyeliner. The last thing she needed was the right side to end up looking like a tribute to her emo days, raccoon eyes and all.

“Sorry, it tickles.”

She snorts at that, knowing that wasn’t the only reason you were wiggling around like a toddler. “Oh really, thats the only reason why?”

Your eyes flutter open at her teasing tone, knowing better than to open them all the way because if you transfer your eyeliner onto your lid you know Wendy will smack you.

“Yes you whore, why else.”

She blows you a kiss at the endearing nickname, motioning for you to shut your eyes again to finish up the eyeliner. Wendy waits until she flicks the wing, biting down on her lip as she forces herself not to say what she wants to say until the chance of ruining your makeup is in the clear.

You feel her fanning your face, your brows pinching together as she remains quiet for another moment.

“Because you’re nervous, you’ve had it bad for the greek god for a long time okay don’t front.” Her tone is confident and it makes you scrunch your face up.

“What is with you and comparing these guys to Jesus and greek gods, they really don’t need their egos inflated Wendy.”

Her laughs fills the room as she moves on to coating a pair of false lashes with glue, resting her butt on the edge of your desk as she waits for it to get tacky. “Oh hush, you know I’ll never say it to their faces.” She gives the lashes a blow, curving them in her grasp to help them shape to your lid easier, “Either way stop changing the subject, you’re way more nervous about this date than you were for your date with McDreamy.”

You couldn’t deny that, the jitters running through your body, your mind running through how the night would play out, the slight tingle in your lips when you wondered if Jungkook would be the type to kiss you good bye when the date was finished. Those were all the things that were missing last time.

“You seem to be rooting for this despite you claiming he was a pig last time Wendy.” You bite back, being defensive was your coping mechanism.

She hums as she starts to apply your left eyelash, securing the inner corner and pushing them up so they wouldn’t droop over your eye once fully dry.

“I may have spoken prematurely, you only give me rundowns when shit get catastrophic okay.”

That much was true, even though you two were room mates and friends underneath it all, you rarely told her every single detail of your life. She was always busy with course work and you didn’t want to swamp her further with every minuscule thing. Which lead to you dumping everything on to her when it became too much.

So, after things with Taehyung fizzled out you came to her and laid it all out once more. Her and Jimin had been the ones to push you towards accepting Jungkook’s offer for a date after you had already declined.

“Either way, you’re deflecting. Just admit you’re nervous because you want this to work out.”

You remain silent as she applies your other lash, rolling your lips together and not opening your eye until she deems it safe to do so. When your eyes flutter open and meet hers you see the smug look she has on her face, she could read you like a book.

“Okay fine, I want this to work out so badly. But realistically, I don’t think there’s anything that can happen that can make me not enjoy this date.”

“Really, nothing?”

Your mind sorts through every possible scenario that could make this date a disaster and comes up blank, “Well, unless he calls me some other girl’s name-”

“Please,” Wendy laughs out, “the boy probably has a notebook page filled up with just your name. Oh my god, he probably writes Jeon Y/N and circles hearts all around it!”

“Stop!” You swat at her arm with a playful scowl on your face, “Don’t poke fun at him.”

That image was swirling through your head now, picturing Jungkook hunched over his desk during class or in the middle of studying and instead of taking notes he’d be scribbling your name into the corner of the paper. It makes a stupid smile spread across your face and Wendy chuckles when she sees it.

“You’re such a simp.”

“Okay, give me that.” You snatch the brush from her hands, going to apply your own makeup since she seemed determined to make you more flustered than you were. There was about twenty minutes left until you were set to meet up with Jungkook and if you kept getting distracted you’d end up running late and thats the last thing you wanted to do.

She raises her hands up in defense and lets you do your thing, choosing to approach your closet instead to help you pick out a shirt for tonight. You were hell bent on wearing the black high waisted jeans you had on because they made your ass look good and also hit your ankles just right so you could wear the cute chunky black heels you had just bought. Wendy pulls out a few shirts and holds them up beside you as you apply your bronzer, weighing out the options in front of her.

“Whats the vibe for today? Super classy or classy with a dash of slutty?”

You hum in thought, setting the bronzer down and moving on to the finishing touches, “Classy with a dash of slutty never fails...”

She agrees wholeheartedly, hanging up the second option and handing you the first one as you give your makeup a final check. When you grab the shirt from her an approving nod is sent her way, the black lace corset top was right on the edge of classy and slutty, perfect.

Even as you slip on the black wool coat, something you absolutely needed to ward off the cold December air, the jittery feeling inside of you doesn’t lessen. In fact it increases, more so when your phone vibrates with a text from the man of the hour.

Jungkook 8:27pm : I’m ready whenever you are (:

“Do you know where you’re going?” Wendy asks as she plops back down onto her bed, her hands crossed on her lap with a tiny smile on her face, pretty proud of her makeup skills.

“Not the exact place, I’m pretty sure it’s a Japanese restaurant because I’ve been bombarding him with sushi places.” You smile to yourself when you scroll through your thread with Jungkook, seeing the countless screenshots of restaurants in the area, surely he was overwhelmed by how many different places you had sent him but you wanted to give him options while still allowing yourself to be surprised.

Y/N 8:28pm : I’ll be down in like 2 minutes!

You pocket your phone again, analyzing your full outfit in the mirror and ruffling your hair as a final check. Wiping your palms onto your jeans you take a brief moment to think about how nervous Jungkook was, remembering the way he had acted before his date with Jisoo, how he had been so unsure of absolutely everything including his outfit. He had needed your guidance to calm down, needed your opinion on which shirt to wear, had he asked someone else for guidance tonight?

“Everything’s gonna be fine okay? By the way, do you need me to vacate the room for the night?” Wendy questions from her spot on the bed, her eyebrows wiggling at you through the mirror.

“No,” you laugh, with the fear of the pregnancy scare still fresh in your system you highly doubt the two of you will be in a rush to repeat the actions of that night, “you’re safe in this room.”

Wendy doesn’t fully believe you but she doesn’t argue, just agrees and gives you a quick hug before waving you out of the room with a massive smile, hoping just as much as you were that tonight went well.

Right as you exit your building you spot Jungkook, he’s sat on one of the benches by the front door, his hands folded over his knees as he stares off towards the middle of the quad. He only looks your way when he hears the soft clacking of your heels on the concrete and when he takes you in he feels his heart skip a beat.

He stands up from the bench in a swift motion, his dark hair fluffing on top of his head from his haste action. For a moment he says nothing, his eyes fully giving you a once over and admiring how beautiful you look, its only once he meets your eyes that his slight slack jawed expression turns into a sweet smile.

“Wow, you look beautiful.” He breathes out, his hands reaching for yours and bringing you in for a hug. His arms wrap around you easily, pulling you into his chest and giving you a squeeze that invades all your senses, warmth spreading throughout you when you feel surrounded in Jungkook.

“Thank you.” You mumble out, your own hand placed on his back, your fingers rubbing the material of his coat. As they trail up towards his shoulders they catch on something and you pull back slightly, your hands turning his body around without a warning, a small noise of question leaving Jungkook.

“Kookie, your coats on inside out.”

His eyes widen at that, craning his head around to see what you meant, “What, really?”

“Yeah,” you laugh out, your finger flicking the white tag by the collar as you bit your lip, trying not to laugh more when he whirls around as if he’ll get a better glimpse at it that way, “here take it off.”

He stops his moving instantly, standing still with slightly red cheeks as you help slide the black coat off of him. When his eyes catch on to the tag he feels more embarrassment fill his system, his first date jitters being the sole reason for the slight wardrobe mistake.

You found it endearing though, picturing him in such a haste to get out and meet you that he didn’t get a proper look at his coat, shoving his arms through it without a care just as he exited his room.

“There, all better.” You ease his arms back into the jacket, your hands adjusting the collar of it, leaving them placed on his shoulders as you stare up at him. Your close proximity has Jungkook gulping, his eyes flicking down onto your lips, desperately fighting the urge to kiss you. He wanted to do this right, do it respectfully, no matter how badly he wanted to plant one on your nude colored lips.

“Thanks,” he whispers out, his breath hitching in his throat when you lean up and press a soft kiss to the side of his cheek, the gentle smack of your lips on his skin only flusters him further, “we should get going to make the reservations.”

“Okay, let’s go.” You pull away with a satisfied smile, absolutely loving the effect you had on him, the shy Jungkook that had taken your heart captive being shown once more.

The cold air keeps you walking close to him, needing the extra body warmth to stop the chill from creeping into your bones. Because of this, every step you took left fluttering touches on your hand as his grazed it. Jungkook keeps his gaze forward, his lips pressed together lightly as he contemplated what to do. His fingers twitched at his side, slowly spreading apart until the courage grew inside of him and he was reaching out to clasp your hand with his.

His large palm envelopes yours easily, dwarfing it in comparison and it leaves you feeling secure. He notices the extra pep in your step, the soft swinging of your intertwined hands and he sneaks a glance over at you, a smile spreading across his face when he notices the giddy expression on yours.

Neither of you mention it, you just enjoy the innocent sensation of feeling connected as you walked together, nearing the awaiting car Jungkook had gone ahead and ordered.

Everything was going just the way he wanted it, the antsy feeling he had the day before that prevented him from getting a good nights sleep, the frantic texting between him and Eunwoo as he asked for help on his choice of restaurant had left him so anxious.

But all of it was worth it, especially when he sees the way your face absolutely lights up once the uber approaches the restaurant of the night. You had snuck it in between the large batch of others, having never been there before but heard so much about it, you were secretly hoping Jungkook had looked into it a little deeper.

“You got reservations for Urasawa?” You finally speak up, your head leaning towards Jungkook as you duck to look at the bright sign.

Jungkook feels a little proud to have caused the marvel in your voice as your wide eyes peer up at the building, bouncing over to him and showing the elation you had when he nods at you.

Once again, everything was going just the way he wanted it to.

The pair of you enter the restaurant with excitement evident in your faces, you take a moment to admire the dim interior while Jungkook approaches the host’s booth.

“Welcome, do you have a reservation?” The brunette woman questions, a smile on her lips as she taps onto the ipad in front of her.

“Yes, it should be under Jungkook for 9 o’clock.”

Its at that very moment that everything starts to slowly go downhill, the mirage of perfection fading out, the light trickling of the sand that wasn’t noticeable before becomes increasingly hard to ignore when it seems as if the floor continues to sink underneath him.

The final avalanche that buries him under comes in the form of a sympathetic smile from the hostess as she scrolls up and down on the reservations list, Jungkook’s name coming up short.

“Sorry sir, there’s nothing here for the name you provided. Is it under another name perhaps?” She tries to find a solution for him, seeing the growing desperation in his eyes as he turns his head over to look at you, seeing you blissfully unaware as you continue to eye the decor around the waiting area.

“Uh, n-no, it has to be under Jungkook.” His brows pinch onto his forehead as his fingers begin to nervously fidget on top of the counter. “Can you check again?” He pleads.

The hostess, which he learns is named Tera thanks to her name tag, nods immediately, going back onto the ipad and typing his name once more. Just like before it pulls up nothing so she goes as far as typing it in every form she possibly could, hoping a typo was the reason behind this reservation being lost.

“I’m sorry–“ she starts, her own hands becoming clammy as she realizes she’d have to be the bearer of bad news and ruin whatever date plans Jungkook currently had. She flicks over to tomorrows date and checks there, her eyes widening when she spots Jungkook’s name in the 9 o’clock spot he had mentioned. It seems as if whoever had booked the reservation for him had officially fucked up and slotted him in for the wrong date.

“Oh, I found it.” She cringes more when Jungkook looks relieved, maybe she shouldn’t have said it in that tone. “But it’s booked for tomorrow.”

He’s about ready to slam his head down onto the wooden counter attached to the booth, a concussion would be a hell of a lot better than wherever the hell this situation would take him. How could it possibly be booked for tomorrow, when he had called and made the reservation he had repeated the date and time about fifteen times, going as far as spelling out his name to avoid any possible confusions.

This was just concrete evidence that someone of a higher power really did have it out for him.

Tera must sense the complete despair Jungkook was currently going through, if the blank look on his face as he tried not to let out a scream didn’t spell it out, the way he tenses up when you finally approach him does. When you wrap your arm around him and gently nudge his side, asking if there was a hold up because the restaurant looked fairly busy, Tera decides to try to throw Jungkook a rope to prevent him from sinking further into the sand.

Jungkook is at a loss, not knowing how to break the news that the reservations you two had been excited for had been booked incorrectly and you’d have to settle going to Mcdonalds instead. So much for a perfect first date.

After frantically scrolling through the current customers seated she manages to find one table that just cleared up, it’s meant to be used by another customer in half and hour but by then she’ll be off the clock and they’ll just have to wait. She didn’t get paid enough for this.

“Perfect, if you could just follow me, I’ll lead you to your table.” She speaks up as if she hadn’t just told Jungkook his reservation was fucked.

Jungkook looks utterly confused as he stares at the hostess, seeing the way she’s trying her best to communicate through her eyes so you wouldn’t know what was going on. Unfortunately Jungkook is not fluent in telepathy but he knows enough to understand that she had just done him a solid, absolutely saving his ass from further embarrassment and giving him another shot at redemption.

He mutters out a thank you and follows behind her, subtly wiping the sweat that had accumulated on his forehead from the stress, finally getting a second to admire the interior much like you had earlier and he’s pretty glad he had chosen this restaurant.

Once Tera shows you both to your table, placing the menus in front of each seat she retreats back to her booth with another thankful glance from Jungkook. He pulls out your chair and scoots you in to your seat before sliding into his own with a grin.

“Can I be honest?” Jungkook asks with a sheepish smile as he toys with the edges of the menu.

“Sure.”

His eyes roam the selection of options, placing the menu back down to stare at you across from him, “I’ve never had sushi.”

Your curious stare turns into one of disbelief as you set your own menu down, leaning towards him slightly, “Jungkook we’re at a sushi restaurant.”

He simply shrugs his shoulders, “Well this is the best place to try it then huh?”

Well, you guess he’s not wrong. You dive in head first as you start to explain every item on the menu to the best of your abilities, questioning him on his likes and dislikes to be able to advise him on what he’d most likely enjoy eating.

Jungkook just sits there with a goofy smile, nodding along as you point to each item, his eyes switching over from your own eyes and then your lips, tracing the way they move as you talk.

He honestly wouldn’t mind it if he ended up totally hating sushi, he just wanted to make you happy and to properly spend time with you on a date that he had probably thought about way too many times. In the end, he lets you take the reins as you decide on one of the assorted plates, letting him get a taste of a few different options and if he liked any in particular you could just order more of it.

“I hope you like it.” You breathe out once the waiter leaves with your order, your fingers playing with edge of the table.

“I will, I eat almost anything.” That much was true, Jungkook wasn’t a picky eater by any means. He enjoyed seafood and judging the few plates that have gone by your table he can’t imagine he won’t enjoy it.

“So, how are things are your job?” He asks after taking a sip of his water, he had missed hearing about the random things you and Yoongi got into at work. Most of the time it was mindless editing on the computer, the occasional drama happening with entitled customers, but he lived for hearing about the days you assisted on shoots. The way your face lit up as you talked about your passion made him want to listen to you talk all day.

“Pretty good, one of our usual photographers who rents the space actually asked me to assist her on a location in a few weeks.” Your smile says it all, finally catching the eye of someone who’s work you actually admired, it helped ease the thought of you being a nobody after you graduated.

“Holy shit thats great, does she do the same style you’re into?” Something about the genuine excitement laced in Jungkook’s tone has you sitting in your seat a little higher, unloading every tidbit of information about the photographer you had.

Jungkook lets you rant, watching the way you move your hands around as you talk, his questions only fueling your fire of talking about your career finally blossoming. It flows from one topic to the next, mentions of Jimin and Yoongi being brought into the mix, the two of you avoiding talking about Taehyung and Jungkook’s dumb friends, until the topic switches once more when Jungkook mentions his workplace.

“Wait, since when do you have a job?” You ask just as your food gets brought out, an assortment of rolls laid on for you to choose from and you hold in a cheer when you see how delicious they all look.

Jungkook eyes them curiously, seeing the array of different colors, your question leaving his mind when he spots one with a black and yellow coloring. You watch the way he visually picks a roll and smile to yourself as you pick up your chopstick and grab onto the sushi roll of choice, bringing it up to his mouth, “It has shrimp tempura, avocado and cucumber.”

It takes no convincing for him to open his mouth for the train of food, chewing the roll and savoring the flavor as you analyze his reaction, hoping he enjoys it. Jungkook presses his lips together after he swallows, a thoughtful look on his face as he looks up for a moment, “I think I’m a sushi fan now.” He laughs out, smiling wider at the look of relief on your face.

“Try out the others too, this is my favorite.” You plop another roll onto the single dish in front of him, hoping he’d also enjoy the spicy tuna roll as well.

Jungkook pops it into his mouth with no hesitation, enjoying the slight heat this one had compared to the previous one. You eat the same roll as well, the two of you smiling at each other as you chewed, no longer anxious on if Jungkook would have to settle with eating teriyaki chicken if the sushi was a fail.

“Oh, I got a job last month–“ he finally answers when he swallows, “nothing fancy, I just work part-time at a clothing store not too far from campus.”

“Any reason why you chose to get a job now?”

He hesitates as he reaches for another roll of sushi, his chopsticks pausing in the air for a moment, “I just needed a reason to not be in my dorm.”

That didn’t need any further explaining, after knowing the atmosphere Taehyung had created in their shared dorm plus the rundown Yoongi had given you on Jungkook and his friends, it wasn’t a surprise that he was scrambling for a reason to not be in his room at all. Choosing to focus on his new job, doing all of his school work in the library instead of his dorm, and only retreating into his room to sleep, had become his new routine.

“Well, do you like it?” You try to deter the conversation away from bringing up the past string of unfortunate events.

“It pays good and we rarely get asshole customers so it’s alright. Either way it’s only temporary until I land an internship or something.” You gasp when you realize that meant Jungkook had finally decided on his major. He breaks out into a smile when he explains he decided on computer science, eager to get his general education over with so he could dive into the best parts of his major.

Now its your turn to fire off the questions, dying to see Jungkook as excited as you were when you talked about your job and it works, the two of you finishing up your assorted plate and ordering more of your favorites while Jungkook gushes about a start-up company he had shown interest in. Wanting to get a one up and already contacting them for a potential internship for the following year.

“Why are you in ceramics and creative writing if you always knew you wanted to get into software development?”

Jungkook can only grin at you as he picks at the extra rolls on the table, his stomach nearing on being full but he just can’t seem to get enough.

“I needed extra units and I actually really enjoy ceramics, plus creative writing could come in handy with the story aspect of things if I decide to branch into video game development.”

You set your chopsticks down, not being able to eat any more or your pants would surely pop open, Jungkook on the other hand finishes off the remaining rolls with a smile on his face, completely satisfied with his choice.

“I still have the ceramic mug you made me by the way.” You admit, your lips curling up as you recall the jumbo mug Jungkook had so kindly hand crafted just for you. It was currently sitting on the edge of your desk, exactly where you always put it after you had your morning cup on the days you didn’t have early morning classes.

“Really?” He wonders, a slight burst of something he can’t pinpoint going off inside of him. He finally sets his own chopsticks down after obliterating the food, stacking up the empty plates in the center of the table.

“Of course Kook, although i’m really glad you made it as big as I asked you, I think it’s contributing to my coffee addiction because now I feel like the cup isn’t big enough.”

He quickly tells you he’ll make you an even bigger one, smiling when you start to laugh over the mental image in your head. Really how much bigger could it be before the cup resembled an actual pot.

As the waiter swings by to clear off the plates Jungkook shyly orders mochi ice cream for the two of you to share, definitely not something you’d ever dream of declining so you settled further into the seat as the two of you continuing mindlessly chatting.

It’s not until motion coming from your left grabs your attention, successfully losing your train of thought when your eyes land on someone you thought you’d never see again. He’s being brought to his table, right next to yours and Jungkook’s, with a pretty blonde as his date. You hold no special feelings for this person, just a mindless hookup that happened before summer ended, but just knowing they were seated right there while you were on a date with Jungkook made you uneasy.

Jungkook catches onto your change, how you started to subtly tilt your head away from your left, framing your hand by your face to prevent someone from spotting you. If it wasn’t for the small gasp of realization he hears, followed by a semi obnoxious whisper of your name, Jungkook would’ve asked you what was wrong.

Instead his own head follows the sound of the voice, landing a mere 6 feet away from the table, the boy seated almost parallel to Jungkook but his attention was clearly on you and not his date.

“Y/N!” The stranger tries once more when you squeeze your eyes shut and try to pretend you couldn’t hear him. He was on a date for fucks sake, why the hell was he calling out your name like you were old friends, you two had barely even talked after you hooked up.

Jungkook continues to watch in slight concern because you really didn’t look like you wanted to speak to him, even his own date looked slightly embarrassed, reaching her hand out to try to shush him in the rather quiet restaurant but whoever this was seemed very persistent.

“Uh Y/N, who is that?” He asks through his teeth, trying his best to be discreet to not grab his attention further.

“It’s no one.” You say with a slight clear of your throat, clear code for I’ll tell you afterwards so Jungkook nods in understanding.

Clearly the stranger didn’t think he was no one, because he had turned towards theatrics, extending his arm out to wave at you in such a chaotic motion you can’t stop yourself from finally whipping your head towards him and giving him a glare.

Because of that you spot the exact moment his hand rams into the passing waiter who’s holding a tray of drinks, watching in almost slow motion as they topple over on the tray and the mixture of sake and soda spills directly onto Jungkook’s front.

Jungkook’s reaction is instant once he feels the cold liquid trailing down his skin, pushing back from the table in shock, the slight screech of the legs against the wooden floor catching the attention of the surrounding people.

“Oh my god I’m so sorry!” The waiter apologizes, frantically reaching into his apron for spare napkins as Jungkook stands up, the front of his light colored shirt being absolutely ruined, the strong smell of alcohol sticking to the fabric.

Jungkook can only sigh as he drops his head back, eyes looking up at the ceiling, practically piercing through it as he attempts to glare at the sky. Really?

“It’s okay.” Jungkook reassures the waiter, he knew it wasn’t his fault, so he gives him a soft smile as he take his own napkin off the table and tries his best to dab at the liquid soaking into his shirt.

The more guests grow curious the bigger the scene gets, eventually grabbing the attention of the manager as he makes his way towards the two of you trying to clean up the mess.

Try as you might the murky looking stain wouldn’t be going away with just your napkin but Jungkook still appreciates your effort, letting you pull at his shirt as you tried your best.

“Folks, I am so sorry about this!” The manager speaks up from behind you, nearly startling you as you set the soiled napkin down onto the table.

The poor waiter had already scrambled to the back, most likely worried he’d be getting fired so Jungkook feels inclined to clear his name, “It’s fine, it wasn’t the waiter’s fault–“

“Yeah, it was totally my mistake!” The same boy from before chooses now to speak up after having caused this mess and seeing the way he’s still comfortably sat in his seat is what makes you snap.

“Jesus Jaehyun take a fucking hint!” You hiss out, not missing the way his eyes widen at your tone. He takes that hint loud and clear, turning to fully face his now very uninterested date with his eyes not daring to look over at you again.

“Listen your meal is on the house.” The manager continues, choosing to ignore your little outburst that honestly has Jungkook wanting to laugh.

“Really you don’t have to do that.”

“No we insist, please don’t worry about it.”

You and Jungkook share a look before nodding because sure, who didn’t enjoy free food. With you now seemingly satisfied the manager makes his exit right as your mochi ice cream gets brought out.

By now Jungkook can say he has lost the craving for sweets, his cheeks burning in embarrassment at the lingering eyes who are no doubt talking about him under their breath. He really wanted to leave now and you catch on to that as quickly as it comes.

“You wanna go?” You ask softly, reaching for his hand as you stay stood beside him.

“Yeah.” He mumbles out, still choosing to slide out his wallet to at least leave a tip for your server.

“Okay, let’s go.” You tug him along after he leaves some cash on the table, watching as you give a final glare at the stranger dubbed Jaehyun.

Jungkook wonders if first dates always went this bad, his date with Jisoo failed to have any bumps in the road this extreme. Maybe it was the universe’s way of testing him, your relationship already had a handful of bumps so whats a few more to solidify that you both felt a certain way for each other despite the bad karma that seemed to follow Jungkook.

And as you two exit the restaurant Jungkook doesn’t know if he wants to laugh or cry when he sees, or more so feels, that its pouring outside. Neither of you are prepared, the forecast of the day never mentioning the possibility of rain at all.

“Oh my god.” You laugh out, ducking your head and practically running down the sidewalk as you yank Jungkook behind you, not stopping until you’re stood under a small area where the roof of the building hung over the sidewalk.

“At least now the wet stain will blend in with the rest of your shirt.” You joke and Jungkook smiles once more, bringing his free hand up to ruffle his now damp hair.

“Silver linings I guess.”

You slide your phone out and order an uber for the two if you, ignoring Jungkook’s voice of protest at you having done that. He had paid for the last uber and even though dinner was technically free he had also provided the tip, so it only felt right to spot the uber back.

Jungkook doesn’t start to feel a little defeated until you’re both stood there waiting for the car, his eyes are focused on the sidewalk, the splatters of rain being the next thing in line to put a hitch in the night. He had planned on going for a walk not too far from here, having seen a park that had sculptures that lit up once the sun went down. In his mind that would be the perfect place for the two of you to come down from the food you had eaten and Jungkook could get an idea on where your feelings stood.

That same defeated feeling lingers as you two exit the uber but Jungkook really tries to not let it put a damper on his mood when the night had been nice overall. You didn’t seem to be upset about anything, a giant smile on your face as you and Jungkook sprint towards your building to seek shelter from the bullets of rain. He had taken off his black coat and held it over the two of you as a makeshift umbrella, having to wring the coat out once you entered the dorm building.

“I thought monsoon season ended months ago.” You laugh out breathlessly, tucking your damp hair behind your ears and resting against the plain wall behind you.

“I’m telling you, i’ve got bad karma.” He grumbles as she shakes his coat off, walking towards you with a wry smile on his face.

You pout when you notice his expression, reaching for his hands once more and leading him towards the elevator, “Jungkook no you don’t–“

“Yes I do.” He playfully whines, resting his forehead on the cold elevator wall, feeling the rumble against his head as he makes a childish noise.

“Jungkook!” You laugh, pulling him away from the wall to face you as you cup his cheeks in your hands, “No you don’t, look I had a good time tonight.”

“You did?” He mumbles out, his cheeks still being pushed in your hold and puckering out his lips slightly.

“Yeah Jungkook, I did. I would’ve had a good time even if we would’ve stayed in my room doing nothing. I like spending time with you.” It was an honest confession, it didn’t matter where Jungkook had decided to take you for your first date you knew from the start that you’d have a good time.

But you knew Jungkook had wanted this date to go a certain way, from the way he emphasized how perfect he wanted it to be, so you let him playfully mope about it as you lead him towards your room.

When your door clicks open Wendy scrambles up from her laying position on the bed, her headphones hanging around her neck loosely as she yanks them off, “So, how was the date with the greek go–“ she freezes when she sees the state you’re both in as you walk inside, your hair is sitting in wet clumps on your head, your clothing looking damp but not as wet as Jungkook’s considering he had a massive stain of a questionable substance on his shirt.

“What happened?” She slowly asks, her eyes glued to Jungkook’s shirt and he feels himself bringing his arms up to shield it from view and Wendy averts her gaze to look at you instead.

“Just some rain.” You shrug as you take off your coat and hang it from the back of your chair, Jungkook takes a moment to stare at your exposed back, not realizing how revealing your shirt was since you’d kept your coat on the entire night.

“Yeah but his shirt.” Wendy tries again and when Jungkook makes a small noise of despair from the back of his throat she stops talking, pressing her lips together to stop from laughing.

“I got caught in the crossfire between some drinks.” Jungkook finally mumbles out, stuffing his hands into his cold and damp jeans with a slight grimace when he remembers the feeling of it all.

Wendy’s mouth drops open slightly in confusion, turning to you again for further explanation, “Well drinks and Jaehyun.”

At that she hums, having heard about Jaehyun considering he was the last random person you had casually slept with his name was on a list of fallen soldiers. She wanted more details, craved them, but she also knew it would be best not to ask right now. Plus with the solemn look on Jungkook’s face she kind of wants to give the two of you space to talk if you need to. “Oh wow, okay well I’m gonna head down to the student lobby and grab some snacks. You guys want something?”

You give her a pointed look, especially when she starts to gather her laptop up, clearly showing she would be gone for a while, “Wendy you don’t have to leave.”

“I’m not leaving, I’m going to get snacks.” She corrects you with a scoff, shoving her feet into her fluffy slippers as she approaches the door. She gives you and Jungkook a quick wave before she dips out in a hurry, no doubt going next door to hang out with Yeri.

“Okay so who was Jaehyun?” Jungkook finally asks as you take his wet coat from him as well, hanging it off the corner of the room divider you have propped open beside the wall. Your back is turned to him so you miss the teasing smile on his face, your tiny outburst at the restaurant had been kind of hot but Jungkook would keep that to himself for right now.

As you think of Jaehyun and the stupid scene he had cause it makes a soft groan leave you. You ebb the annoyance away when you sort through your closet to try to get Jungkook something to wear so he could get out of his sticky shirt, settling on an oversized university shirt you sometimes wore to bed.

“He’s some guy I slept with a while ago, it happened once, we never spoke again so I don’t know why he was so insistent on talking to me.” You really didn’t want to give him more details than that so you’re thankful when he doesn’t ask anymore questions about him. Leave it to the higher ups to plant Jaehyun at the same restaurant as you two, the perfect plan set in motion to lead to the chain of events resulting in Jungkook’s now ruined shirt.

He lets out a soft sigh as he starts to unbutton his shirt, his eyes focused on his fingers and missing the way you try and fail to look away from his exposed chest. “This is the bad karma I was telling you about.” He pouts as he slides off the stained shirt, grabbing the cotton tee from your hands and slipping it on quickly.

“Jungkook, you don’t have bad karma.”

“Yes I do, look I didn’t say anything but they fucked up the reservations today, we were this close,” he pinches his fingers for added effect, “to having to eat at Mcdonalds.”

That finally earns a laugh from you as you step out of your heels, “Wait really?”

“Yes!” He shouts with a laugh, his eyebrow cocking up when you offer him some black sweats, he highly doubts they’ll fit so he declines them.

You shrug and decide to slip them on yourself, along with a comfy shirt, sliding behind the room divider since you were currently braless. “Okay to be fair–“ you peak your head back out as you shimmy into the sweats, “I really wouldn’t have minded that, Mcdonald’s fries paired up with a soft serve would slap.”

Jungkook flops halfway onto your bed, his feet planted on the floor as his upper body splayed out. As much as he agreed with that, and now sort of craved it, he didn’t want that to be the route this date took.

“Why do you think you have bad karma?” You ask once you step out from behind the divider, looking cozy as you sit onto the bed next to him, your hands reaching out to trace on his arm closest to you.

“Because of the dumb shit I did I mean, first the pregnancy scare–“

“Okay but it was negative.” You chime in and he mulls it over before nodding. Alright, that one cancelled out like pemdas.

“Then it was running into Jisoo at the cafe, getting a light beat down from Taehyung, our reservations getting booked wrong, getting a sick mixture of sake and soda spilled all over me, not getting to eat that mochi ice cream!” He adds on with more emphasis, “And then we leave and it’s pouring so I couldn’t take you to the next part of the date.”

At that you pause, your head tilting as you stare down at his flustered face. He gives you a side glance when he notices your silence, seeing the way your lips slowly curve up, “Wait, there was supposed to be more?”

“Yeah,” Jungkook breathes out, he wanted to continue being honest with you and his feelings, not letting his nerves and doubt weigh his tongue down like it always did, “I was gonna take you to this park near by, they have these really pretty sculptures that light up scattered all around. I thought it would be a nice place to just walk around and talk, and if things went well I was gonna ask–“ he pauses to take a breath, the words jamming in his throat as he forces his eyes shut for a brief moment.

“If you wanted to be my girlfriend.” He finally gets out, his eyes fluttering open and looking over at you, seeing you already looking at him with the softest gleam in your eyes.

The simple question has you smiling like a giddy school girl, finding out your crush liked you as much as you liked them, the fuzzy sensation in your chest spreading the longer you stared at him. Jungkook on the other hand only feels his nerves flip in his stomach the longer you don’t say anything, his eyes widening up in worry at your prolonged silence.

“Yeah Jungkook, I wanna be your girlfriend.” You shyly respond, biting your lip when you see a smile replace his worried expression, his lips spreading out and revealing his teeth.

“Really?”

“Yes.” You laugh as he sits back up, his face now level with yours as he looks at you, and he can’t stop himself from planting one on you now, desperately wanting to feel your lips on his. His hands cup your face with a sense confidence you hadn’t experienced from him, guiding you towards him before he meets you halfway and presses his lips against yours.

His lips feel soft as they slot between yours, your eyes falling closed as your own hands come up and rest on top of his. The nerves Jungkook felt earlier fizzle away as you press harder against his lips, starting a gentle rhythm as your lips move together in a slow dance that he had grown to miss since the last time you kissed him.

The soft huffs of his breath escaping his nose as he kisses you fan across your cheek, a smile spreading across your face and making it difficult to properly kiss him back the way you wanted so you pull away with a light smack. Your teeth gently press down onto your lip as you smile at him, your noses still nudged against each other. His own eyes are still shut, being too scared to open them up and reveal he was actually dreaming, he had spent too many nights stuck in his dreams that all consisted of you.

They don’t crack open until you press another soft kiss against his lips, your hands moving away from his and going to cup his own face, your thumb softly caressing the skin of his cheek.

“I’d really like to go to that park you mentioned though.” You whisper out, not wanting to speak any louder and break the soft atmosphere created.

Jungkook kisses you once, twice, three more times before nodding, “I’ll take you, I promise.” He knew you’d love it there, maybe it’d be a good place for you to take picture of, find inspiration if you were in search of it. Whatever it may be Jungkook knew it’d make you smile and awe and he wants to give that to you.

“You wanna stay here for a while?” You ask as he leans a little further back so he can stare at you without going cross-eyed. Jungkook nods instantly, wanting to spend as much time with you, his girlfriend, as he possibly could.

He had another hour or so before they did rounds for the weekend and all you wanted to do was snuggle on your bed, maybe watch a movie– “Lets order delivery for some Mcdonald’s dessert?” He reads your mind, a playful smile on his face, he really had a sweet tooth and being robbed the enjoyment of eating that mochi ice cream still stung.

“Jungkook, you absolute mind reader, yes we can.” He manages to sneak another kiss from you before you stand up to grab your laptop, ready to search for something the two of you can watch while Jungkook places the order, grinning when you crane your head over the device to ensure he had gotten the mcflurry you wanted.

Maybe first dates didn’t need to be perfect if they were with someone you were meant to be with.

“So are ya’ll like doing it.” Hoseok questions, an innocent look on his face as he takes a sip of his water. You were currently gathered outside of a giant warehouse that Taehyung had demanded you meet him at. His birthday was nearing and all he had asked was for a friendly game of paintball. There was absolutely nothing friendly about paintball, you could already picture the baseball sized bruises that would litter your body but if thats what he wanted then so be it.

“Doing it?” You question right back, your eyes narrowing at him as he nods, looking at you before turning his head to look at Jungkook who was currently talking to Jimin while Chaeyoung and Wendy laughed at something.

“He’s my boyfriend, so yeah.”

“Oh, so it’s official. You know, sex hits a little different when there’s a title on it.” He teases, a playful smile on his face when he sees the way your cheeks puff out when you scrunch your face up in slight embarrassment. Hoseok knew you and Jungkook were officially together, your whole group knew, Taehyung included, he just enjoyed getting under your skin like an annoying brother would.

“Shut up.” You laugh out, swatting at his stomach with the back of your hand. He dodges your attack with ease, hopping to the side with a cackle that grabs the other’s attention.

All of you had come in groups in separate cars, Jimin, Chaeyoung, Jungkook, you and Wendy coming together in Jimin’s car; Namjoon, Hoseok, and Yoongi had come together and gave one of Chaeyoung’s friends, Chungha, a ride as well. You were all just waiting on Jin, Arang and the man of the hour, Taehyung.

“Where are they?” Yoongi huffs out as he leans against the metal benches set up outside the warehouse, his foot kicking up some of the rocks that littered the floor.

“Taehyung probably had some trouble with his hair, fifty bucks says Jin is currently lecturing him in the car.” Namjoon adds, laughing when everyone agrees with no hesitation.

Jungkook slowly creeps his way over to you, slithering his arm around your shoulders and tugging you into his side with a grin on his face. He leans down and presses a kiss to the top of your head, you can sense his uneasiness, having felt it the second you brought up the events Taehyung had planned and extended the invite to Jungkook.

“You okay?” You ask softly, not wanting to grab everyone’s attention again as they all began their own conversations.

Jungkook just gives you a squeeze at the question, “Yeah, just a little nervous about being here with everyone you know.”

That was understandable, after everything went down it was only normal that all of your friends got the low down of what happened between you and Jungkook. Your friendship was very tight knit so it made sense that they all took your side and distanced themselves from Jungkook instantly. So far none of them had been malicious or cold towards him, greeting him as if nothing had happened, because if you told them everything was okay then everything was okay.

The main person Jungkook was uneasy around was Taehyung, and with good reason. The two of you hadn’t spoken at all since things ended, he had asked you for a bit of distance which you completely understood. So when he had texted you with the invitation for today, with an okay to bring Jungkook along, you had been a little surprised, not being able to decline because you knew it was for his birthday.

But Jungkook still couldn’t help but feel like he shouldn’t be here, add some guns to the mix and he can’t stop thinking he’d have a massive fucking target on his back the second he entered the paintball field.

Taehyung did in fact have a plan, nothing as aggressive as Jungkook was currently picturing, but it was sort of the reason he was running a little late. He had practiced the simple words he wanted to say in front of the mirror in the boys bathroom over and over, gaining himself some odd stares as he did so, before he knew it the time had flown by and he was scurrying out of the bathroom like it was on fire.

Seokjin was currently scolding him about being timely like Namjoon had joked, Arang sat in the passengers side trying really hard not to laugh whenever she saw the faces Taehyung made through the mirror. This felt like being stuck in the car with your parents after you got a bad grade in school, “Alright, I get it. I’m sorry, but can you blame me.”

Silence fell over the car at that, Jin taking a moment to think it over before shaking his head, no he couldn’t blame him. Taehyung had told him that he wanted to speak to Jungkook before bullets went flying. He knew deep down that you and him were going to be okay, he just needed time to get over his feelings for you, his main concern was clearing the air with his room mate, not wanting any awkwardness lingering.

When the sound of Jin’s tires rolling onto the tarmac creep up all of you turn your heads to look at it, the boys throwing their arms up in relief because finally! Now that they knew he was here everyone slowly starts to make their way inside the building, ready to sign whatever waivers and other paperwork was needed before they all got torn up by the paintballs.

Taehyung gets out of the car when he notices you and Jungkook trailing behind, wanting to get your attention, specifically Jungkook’s, before he was around everyone else, “Wait, Jungkook!” He shouts out, succeeding in having the both of you stop in your path, turning to face him with your brows raised.

Jungkook doesn’t think he heard him right until he waves him over. He feels like his feet are cemented into the floor, needing you to give him a gentle push before he jumps into action and slowly walks his way, a little unsure of himself. Seokjin was still outside so you felt secure that if a fight broke out, he could separate them, but hopefully that wouldn’t happen.

“Happy early birthday.” Jungkook starts first, cringing slightly at his words until he sees the way Taehyung smiles, something he hadn’t seen directed towards him in weeks.

“Thanks man, look I just wanted to say sorry-”

“No, you don’t have to.” Jungkook tries to wave him off because in his head everything was absolutely justified.

“Yes I do Jungkook, look we both fucked up okay but I took it a little too far. I never should’ve put my hands on you, or threatened you the way I did when the situation had nothing to do with me.” He knew he did it because he was protective of you but he had enough sense to know that maybe he could’ve let you handle it the way you wanted to without getting involved himself. All it caused was an uncomfortable atmosphere in their room when it used to be easy going, the two of them getting along pretty well despite their differences in personality.

“I still think it was well deserved but I appreciate the apology. I know it might not mean much, and I hope this doesn’t rub you the wrong way, but I promise I’ll never hurt Y/N again.” Jungkook means it, the way you had stared at him with so much hate in your eyes was forever burned into his mind, seeing you cry because of something he did or rather didn’t do wasn’t something he ever wanted to be the cause of again.

That makes Taehyung smile, the hollow feeling in his chest still being felt but all he wanted was your happiness. Beneath it all you and Taehyung were close friends and just because things weren’t meant to be between the two of you didn’t mean he didn’t wish for you to find it with someone else. If that person happened to be Jungkook then that was okay with him.

“Treat her right for her own sake, not to save your ass from getting plowed down again.” He teases, throwing a soft punch onto Jungkook’s shoulder.

The younger boy chuckles as he clutches his arm, “I will, by the way, was inviting me your ploy to shoot me with no consequences?”

Taehyung lets out his classic laugh as he makes his way into the building, Jungkook following him closely and watching as he shakes his head, “Hell no man, I need you on my team.”

“Fuck Jungkook.” You mewl out, your hands tangling into his hair and yanking him towards you for a kiss, your tongues gliding together messily, letting Jungkook swallow your moans down as he rolled his hips into you.

He knew he had to be quick but he wanted to relish in being inside of you, always loving being in this position with you, it didn’t matter how often of an occurrence it was now. Seeing you with your hair splayed out and messy, your lips swollen from his kisses and bites, the soft moans of his name filling the room as he fucked you, it would never get old.

The way your pussy pulses around his length has him gasping out, his fingers curling around his bed sheets as he rocks harder into you, your heels digging into his butt to urge him closer. Your hands release his hair and trail down his back, your nails digging into his skin and he hisses. Having discovered that Jungkook had a light kink for pain you lived for it, subtle scrapes of your nails, harsh bites to his skin, pinching his nipples, it was all stuff Jungkook never knew he would be into until he got with you.

“You always feel so good.” He grunts out, his eyes squeezing shut when you clamp down on him on purpose, smiling when he lets out a guttural moan. “Ah, shit, do you want me to cum before you.” He snaps playfully, seeing the way you pout and shake your head.

“No, please make me cum.” You plead, a soft pout on your lips as you lift your hips up to match his motions, keening when his dick expertly hits your g-spot. Jungkook had more than enough time to get acquainted with your body during winter break, the two of you choosing to remain on campus and getting as much time alone together as you wanted since both Wendy and Taehyung had gone to visit family.

“Fuck, when you ask like that I can never say no.” He mutters out, his hips pulling back before snapping forward once more. The sound of your skin connecting from the force of his thrusts fill the empty dorm room and Jungkook knows he found the pace to get you quivering underneath him once your back arches up, your pebbled nipples grazing his chest as you moan out his name. He doesn’t think he’s ever heard his name sound so pretty.

The coil inside you tightens up as his pelvis continues to grind against your clit with every roll of his hips, your desperate cries raising in pitch and Jungkook smiles when he realizes he’s got you right where he wants you.

“Nngh, right there Kook–shit.” You gasp out when he chooses to bring one hand down between you, the pad of his thumb rubbing tight circles onto your aching clit. Your jaw drops open as your climax creeps up on you, only needing a few more flicks of his thumb until you’re unraveling below him.

Jungkook groans when your orgasm crashes over you, your walls pulsing around him as you gasp and moan his name out, your fingers digging into his skin further as you throw your head back into his sheets. He leans forward and latches his mouth onto your neck, suckling on the skin below your ear as he fucks you through your orgasm.

“Oh god,” you groan out when he leans back onto his knees, his large palms gripping onto your hips and fucking you with more force. His eyes are glued to the way your tits bounce, moving up to stare at the fucked out look on your face as you start to come down from your climax, “love your cock.”

You’re slurring your words now and he chuckles at the effect he has on you, shutting his eyes as he feels his own orgasm creeping up on him. It’s not until the constant buzzing of your phone beside your head starts that his eyes open up. Your hand swats the bed as you reach for it, quickly seeing that Jimin had texted you a handful of times and was now calling you, you were late.

“Fuck, Kookie you gotta cum.” You sigh out, tightening your sensitive walls around him, making him gasp and almost double over.

“I know, fuck. Almost there.” He groans, quickening up his pace when he feels the pleasure about to send him over the edge. His grip on your hips tightens up, his fingers digging into your skin as his thrusts become sloppier, losing the grace they had when he had made you see stars. No, now he was desperate, whines of your name leaving the back of his throat and his eyes fluttering shut as he finally spills into the condom.

He hunches over your body as he shallowly ruts his hips, milking his orgasm until he was absolutely spent. The two of you lay panting on his bed sheets, a sheen of sweat on your skin and dopey smiles on your faces.

Jungkook sighs as he pulls out of you, his eyes glancing at the condom covering his cock, he’d be damned if the two of you ever got a pregnancy scare again during college.

Your snort and nudge his hips with your knees when you notice what he’s looking at, “You love condoms huh.” You tease, laughing harder when he nods with a giddy smile.

“You’re gonna have to sign a contract if you want me to fuck you raw.” He jokes, slipping the condom off and tossing it into his bin by his bed. He grabs a towel from his desk before approaching you once more, helping clean you up before cleaning himself.

“I’ll do it, don’t temp me.”

He shoots you a playful glare as he slides into his boxers, he knew you would, “Stop trying to corrupt me.”

“Mm, you like it.”

He doesn’t deny it, a blush coloring his cheeks as he watches you get dressed in a hurry. You fight back a smile at his silence, choosing not to tease him further because you were really late.

“Okay we really gotta go.” You speak out, grabbing your phone and shooting Jimin a quick text saying you were on your way, all he sends back is the middle finger emoji and you scoff.

Jungkook reaches for your camera that was propped on his desk, double checking the memory card and battery before handing it to you. You don’t bother checking your appearance, trusting Jungkook’s thumbs up of approval before you both bolt out of his room.

The herd of students gets more dense the closer you get to the main quad, having to weave between everyone as you approached the area your friends wanted to meet up at. They’re all huddled near a corner outside of the literature building, looking totally inconspicuous, none of them noticing you or Jungkook approaching until you’re tapping Jimin on the shoulder.

He whirls around because he knows it’s you, the glare in his face softening up when he takes note of your hair, “Nice sex hair.”

“Fuck off.” You swat his hand away from your tangled locks, hastily pulling it away from your face and trying ti rake through it. “Also why the fuck is your hair blue now.”

He rolls his eyes like it’s obvious, motioning over to Taehyung who now also had blue hair, “It’s so they don’t tell us apart.”

“Wait, us? You’re doing this bullshit too?”

Taehyung lets out a laugh at that, nodding his head proudly at having roped Jimin into his antics, “I bet him the new iPhone if I could outrun him.”

Namjoon snorts, his fingers pinching his nose because Jimin is absolutely getting scammed and you knew this too, hell everyone knew it even Jungkook judging by the laugh he holds back.

“And what does Jimin get if he wins?” You ask, your hands coming to cross over your chest as you give Taehyung a pointed stare.

“The pride of having beat me?” Taehyung attempts, his pitch rising up as his face screws together at his plan being revealed.

“Tae you’re an ass.” You laugh out when Jimin finally gasps at the obvious betrayal. Admittedly the distance you had given him, along with the time apart during winter break had been good for your friendship. The two of you were now back to acting like you used to, no longer wary of any lingering feelings.

“Plus, did you two forget that Jimin has tattoos on his arm?” Yoongi drawls out, his head tilted as he stares at the exposed ink on Jimin’s skin. If they were going to go streaking again and had gone to the lengths of matching their hair color all it took was someone recognizing Jimin’s art work to snitch on him.

“We’re not amateurs.” Taehyung scoffs, yanking up the fabric of his hoodie sleeve and revealing the horribly fake tattoos on his own arm.

All of you choke down laughter at the chicken scratch on his skin, they were totally fucked.

“Right, my mistake.” Yoongi chuckles under his breath, “Here are the masks, good luck you idiots.”

Jin and Arang make their retreat with Yoongi, wanting to get a decent view since they had missed the time Taehyung did this last semester.

“We’re doing this for you Yoongi, it’s your last semester with us!” Tae shouts out.

The older boy turns around with an exasperated look on his face, “I don’t need to see your bare ass to celebrate my last semester Taehyung, don’t rope me into this!”

Hoseok sighs as he shakes Jimin’s shoulder, “I hope you can run man, Taehyung’s kind of a seasoned pro so best of luck to you.” Its not reassuring at all, Jimin feels like he got blindsided with this. Sure Taehyung had brought the idea up when he was a little drunk so maybe he had agreed too easily but now that he was sober he wasn’t sure why he had said yes.

“You wanna join us Kook?” Taehyung speaks up once more, beginning to hop in place as the nerves kicked in, wanting to get nice and limber to outrun Jimin and the security that would no doubt get unleashed on them.

“Yeah, no thanks.” Jungkook laughs, stuffing his hands into his jeans and looking at the two blue haired idiots. There was no way in hell he’d be joining them.

“C’mon, think of it as initiation into the group.” Taehyung winces out in pain when Namjoon smacks the back of his head.

“He’s already in the group asshat.” He mutters out and Hoseok nods along, giving him a shrug when Taehyung looks for back up. Instead he grumbles out in agreement.

“Whatever, just make sure you get all our good parts Y/N.” He points his finger at you and slides out of his hoodie, the less clothes he had on from the start the better. Namjoon holds onto it for him, beginning to walk away towards Yoongi with Hoseok by his side.

“Will do, is this gonna get blown up into a canvas too?” You question, hoping the answer would be no but you knew Taehyung too well, his head nodding along instantly and Jimin joins in. Of course.

You give them both a salute, Jungkook jokingly wishing them good luck as you leave them behind to go join your group in their spot. It was the start of the spring semester now, the mandatory rally being held to welcome the students back from break with news on exciting events happening in the coming months. The perfect time for Taehyung and Jimin to do what they wanted to do, a bigger audience than last time ready to witness it first hand.

The soft music playing through the speakers gets cut off abruptly as the two smurfs jump on stage, their black masks covering them from the nose down and judging by some screams of glee you realize that some of the freshman recognize the situation from last year.

“This is gonna be good.” Hoseok laughs out, hiding his smile behind his hands as Jimin snatches the mic off the stand.

“Welcome to the new semester!” He shouts out, slightly muffled by the fabric but his words get their point across.

Taehyung reaches forward and yanks the mic from his grasp, the rustling being heard as he places it directly on his mouth through the mask, “I see some familiar faces, here’s the rundown–“ he starts, turning around to double check his surroundings and when he spots the same principle huffing and puffing her way over, already knowing what was next, he continues, “you guys gotta help us get away, do what you gotta do.”

“Are you gonna help us?” Jimin asks as he leans towards the mic in Taehyung’s hand, laughing when the whole crowd screams yes in unison. That satisfies them both, the mic dropping between them and landing with a thud, the feedback ringing through for a moment and thats when they both strip out of their clothes.

When poor principle Kang sees the nudity she lets out a shriek, pointing towards the boys and sending off the guards in a wave of deja vu. Jimin screams as he yanks his clothes off, taking off the stage while Taehyung nearly trips while yanking off his sweats.

He grunts when he takes off after Jimin, the entire crowd whistling and yelling at their bare bodies. Your eyes are glued to your viewfinder once more, holding in your laughter to keep it steady as you followed their path.

Jimin still has the lead, weaving between students with grace as he looks behind him, shooting you a peace sign when he spots your camera. When he bolts passed you, you make sure to focus on his back side, snapping a few photos of the winner of this streaking race to later blow up.

The entire crowd gasps and you whirl back around, a laugh finally leaving you when you spot the security man that took a tumble trying to literally tackle Taehyung down. The shout that leaves Taehyung makes your whole group laugh, he doesn’t look as carefree as the first time, not trying to pose and dance with students. No, he had a brush with near-death at almost being caught so his main concern was getting the fuck out of there.

“Holy shit!” Namjoon laughs even louder when two other guards close in on him.

“He’s gonna get caught.” Seokjin groans, already imagining the hell Tae’s gonna face with administration.

But then a group of students slip in between them, causing the guards to ram into them and leaving Taehyung with enough of a gap to escape. His eyes spot your camera and he blows a kiss towards it, smacking his ass as you take a photo before being lost in between the cars. God they were idiots, but they were your friends and you love them.

“That was...amazing.” Hoseok whispers, starting a slow clap that begins to grow with everyone attending.

You’re still recording the whole thing, panning your camera around to get everyone’s reactions before it’s suddenly stopping, your nose bumping into the side of your device.

“Ow.” You wince, pulling back and gasping when you see Jungkook had his palm wrapped around the lens that was just about to pop him in the face like before.

“Listen, you won me over the first time you did that you don’t have to do it again.” He teases, smiling when you lean up to kiss him in apology.

“I’m sorry.” You laugh, letting the camera fall against your chest when he releases his grip on it.

“Is this where you tell me you hope I have a good first year in college?” His eyebrow cocks up, remembering your chosen words from the first time you had met.

You shake your head as you recall them as well, still somewhat thankful your camera had decked Jungkook’s face.

“No, this is where I tell you I love you.”

His smile matches yours now, his hand coming up to cup your cheek and bring you in for another kiss, “I love you too.”

#btswritingcafe #btsghostie #goldenclosetnet #ficswithluv #jungkook smut #taehyung smut #jungkook angst #taehyung angst #bts smut #jeon jungkook #new

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whiterbone-a · 3 years

Note

i wanna know what your take on the nanami / gojo relationship is ?? cause a big part of me is like nanami isn't someone who really talks , like you won't get inside of him and he'll make jokes here and there with the whole work is shit thing . but i think he lost his heart and happiness alongside yuu and i think he even said this wasn't a mission first years should be on and the fact that yuu looked up to getou and gojo so much and still got killed was like a fucking blade to the stomach.

i mean do you think there is a romantic possability , i do play around with it but at the same time do you think it would be comforting ?? like i know the big ship is gojo and getou because of how close they were but what is nanami to gojo , a tool and a function or a friend and possible lover ??? and how will his death effect him ???

also were gojo actively smiles , nanami only smiles when death is around the corner and i am like red flags here and there . but sorry this got so long and please feel free to ignore it .

hello and welcome. take a seat and thank you for joining me. if this doesnt make sense just pretend u know what im talking about, its the adhd for making my thoughts so scattered everywhere

so in concept the nanami and gojou ship in a romantic concept is rly cute in concept like u have an ex - salary man whos serious doesnt allow himself the luxury of acting his age but on the other end u have someone who still acts like hes a child and never takes anything serious even when hes fighting. they both endured the trauma being a jujutsu sorcerer entails yet they have nothing in common -- gojou dresses like hes a reflection with the moon and nanami, the sun. also the fact that gojou thinks that he, himself, is ascended above all he works with while nanami is just a human living his day to day, and lot of ppl use this as nanami to bring down gojou to his morality just like a nudge or a friendly reminder. he even tolerates and puts up with him a lot more than he should. hes very patient but very honest. a lot of the fanart of them is SO CUTE esp when theyre married and living happily with one another. i even ship them, its actually one of my top ships next to satosugu but like in reality its not so great unfortunately

honestly? theres a small slim of a possibility but due to the nature of the clash of personalities and what their job its like ... not rly possible

nanami, even out of being a salary man, fully treats being a jujutsu sorcerer as a 9 - 5 job and refuses to work overtime. he has small luxuries like he enjoys reading and eating left overs after a day of working hard like who wouldnt and not to mention hes the type to keep his relationships strictly professional. gojou has probably asked him several times to take him out for drinks after work (altho work never ends with gojou which is ironic) and has said no. it’s funny now that i think about it, shouko probably asks him for an occasional drink after hours and he accepts because at least he likes shouko and he knows theres no ulterior motive from her just a couple of coworkers doing some heavy drinking but nothing ever more than that -- hes even said that he wants to get married but when hes no longer a sorcerer

sucks tho, because like everyone else, nanami sees gojou as someone who is extremely powerful and only sees him for his techniques except more like hes a nuisance and extremely annoying, even to the point of having absolutely no respect for him. he realizes, yeah hes strong but as for the full package that is satoru gojou? there’s absolutely nothing to respect about that man

and while we’re talking about gojou, i’ll say it, he’s mentally unstable. i mean, we all knew that -- hes got a couple of “screws loose” as he puts it inside that rattling brain of his. on the opposite side of the spectrum, hes not capable of handling a romantic relationship. hes always always busy, its rare that that he gets a breather for himself. hes always being sent out on missions out of country and ive always portrayed gojou as the type of partner thats not even gentle on his partners in terms of being playful, childish, and being a nuisance. his mental health is absolutely terrible (i’m not saying nanamis is any better but) hes always acted much younger than what he is altho i do blame his upbringing for that.

and gojou treats everyone as good friends but does like to particularly pick on ppl who take themselves too seriously (nanami and utahime), mei mei and yuki are exempt from this. he also doesnt rly care for ichiji but like, that doesnt matter LOL.

i do see nanami eventually giving in for one (1) after dinner ‘date’ after work but when gojou is actually less himself, hes tolerable to be around which isnt saying much tbh. you should def listen to the nanami and gojou drama audio if u can! they’re so fucking funny as a pair, which solidifies them as being cute but were not talking about that rn.

in terms of being ‘what are they’ to each other, its hard to tell. i talked about it briefly as nanami reminding him of his morality and being his humility tho gojou doesnt act like it, he fully believes hes above all and everyone, lovers and close friends are included in this. i read a lot of nana/go fanfics and they portray nanami as someone to push down his ego; to remind him hes actually Not all that great, a child in an adults body, etc. he’s a brutality honest man and gojou can take critic and criticisms to his person but that doesnt mean hes going to listen (and he doesnt, hes even self aware that his personality sucks ass but does he bother to change? absolutely not and he wont start now nor for anyone else).

yuu did definitely help nanami change and shift his ideas about the world, esp hating the jujutsu society afterwards. like, i dont blame u king, it sucks ass. tho, i dont think nanami looked up or cared for gojou and getou that much. getou he looked up to more so because at least hes as a respectable guy, strong, good looking, and stimulates intellectual conversations. gojou? not so much. nanami probably thought that it doesnt matter if u have techniques that is extremely rare to acquire and even more so to master but u suck ass and u dont stimulate joy to be around.

nanami is a good friend and high school buddy to gojou and nanami would definitely call him ‘coworker’ or something along those lines when hes annoyed him too much or doesnt want gojou to benefit too much from simple acknowledgement. gojou thinks hes an ascended being but he definitely respects and finds nanami to be a strong sorcerer and was rather surprised when he took the 9 - 5 job but it was definitely safer.

death ... ah, i think about this all the time. it’s like losing suguru all again except he didnt go rogue and kill a whole village. hes absolutely confident in nanamis abilities to fend off curses and hes too stubborn to let himself die as well, so the idea of him dying doesnt ever cross his mind. thats a true stab to the gut to hear that nanami has died, maybe a moment of truly being unhinged and a darker nature but we wont rly know until it happens in the manga, which i cant wait. i mean, at least mei mei, utahime, and shouko are around but this is nanami were talking about. if this was in terms of a romantic relationship rather than a simple seemingly one - sided friendship of enjoying of being around that person but that person just tolerating him and hoping he goes away eventually. i can’t say, i can’t say! just take these thoughts with like a grain of salt.

also that last statement in the ask, gojous smiles are fake and a mask while the rare times nanami does smile, its genuine.

regardless of what i said, i think it can be a comfy ship! this ship isnt toxic but any means (unless u make it toxic then well, thats a you thing) so just enjoy it! i know i do i think as long as u recognize that maybe neither of them being a relationship would benefit the other then go stupid go crazy, i know i will.

#jupitersnake #tldr its cute in concept but reality they just dont suit each other but #im a sucker for opposites attract so catch me all over the nana/go tag baybe!!!!!!

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marvinswriting · 4 years

Text

Broken Arm

Tw: Major character death, reference (slight reference) to self harm- unrelated to the death dw im so sorry im so sorry im so sorry im so sorry im so sorry im so sorry im s- g/t mean girls

The air smelled of disinfectant mixed with depression.

I couldn't tell if it was that or the pit of anxiety that was making me nauseous as I stare numbly at my arm, freshly casted. The bright lights and hushed voices of the hospital didn't feel real. Like, I knew I was here on Cady's shoulder, leaning against Aaron, but at the same time, I wasn't here.

Or I'd rather not be at least.

I hoped I could wake up from this nightmare. Any minute now Damian would nudge me awake, school day over or something.

But this wasn't a dream because the pain was all too real.

I stare blankly down the hall. The hall where they rushed him.

Damian got hurt the worst.

My stomach tightened thinking about it.

Cady had her head in her hands mumbling about a concussion. Gretchen set with her hands folded neatly in her lap, looking out into nothingness. Both Karen and Regina were crying softly, looking shaken up.

The sound of doors slamming down the hall makes us all lookup.

Ms. Hubbard runs into the room, teary-eyed and bewildered.

"Where?"

Karen points down the hall. "They won't let anyone in."

"What happened?" She says after getting a good look at all of us. "Jesus are you all okay?"

It wasn't hard to see where Damian got his motherly instincts from.

"Janis, your arm!"

Ms. Hubbard rushed over, promptly scooping me off Cady's shoulder.

"Know how they say tinies shouldn't ride unsecured on a shoulder when in a car? This is why." I motion to the cast. "Somebody blew through the intersection. Hit driver's side, right-right uh, where Damian was." I look. down, swallowing hard. "I fell."

"And this is why we have safety regulations. Who else got hurt?"

Mama Bear Hubbard went around the room making sure everyone was okay. It was a nice distraction from what was going on down the hall. For all of us.

"Cady, I'm very grateful you wore your seatbelt otherwise it could be worse than a concussion."

"Gretchen, I hope the scratch on your arm heals."

"Regina, maybe take a nap you'll feel better."

I couldn't help but smile.

Ms. Hubbard lifted me to her shoulder and I sat down as she found a seat next to Cady.

Everything felt harder with one arm, but one thing Damian takes after his mom is walking smoothly without bouncing or sudden jolts.

The waiting room was silent again.

It feels like we sit for hours.

Maybe it was.

It was probably only minutes.

A doctor emerged from the hallway where Damian was.

Ms. Hubbard stands quickly, silently scooping me off her shoulder and handing me to Cady. She rushed over to the doctor and we all watch wordlessly.

We can't hear what they're saying but body langue isn't had to read in these situations.

They talk for a bit before Ms. Hubbard's hand shoots to her mouth.

The waiting room once filled with clicking of keyboards and buzzing of lights was now filled with gut-wrenching sobs.

Aaron wrapped his arm around me, pulling me closer. We all knew whatever news was coming couldn't be good.

I didn't want to hear it.

But I listened anyway.

A week.

They say he has a week.

At most.

He was awake but- in pain.

Ms. Hubbard was in the room right now talking.

Visiting hours for today would be over soon but if we all spoke for ten minutes each-

Ten minutes wasn't enough.

Ten minutes won't ever be enough.

I'd have more time tomorrow.

A week.

The news made my head spin.

I couldn't just have a week left with Damian.

We were supposed to have the rest of our lives.

We were fric and frac. You never saw one without the other.

It can't just be a week.

Ms. Hubbard stepped out of the room, glancing at all of us. If her teary-eyed expression mirrored our own, then we all looked like a mess. I felt like a mess.

"Janis," Aaron said softly, rubbing my uninjured arm. "You wanna go in first?"

I didn't, actually. I didn't want to go in at all. I didn't want to go in and have the situation solidified. I didn't-

"Yeah. I'll go."

Cady didn't move but Karen came over, lifting me gently off Cady's shoulder.

Aaron leaned back by Cady's neck as Karen walked away.

The whole group looked distraught, I could only imagine what I looked like.

I looked down as Karen opened the door to the room. My finger trailed over my cast, as I looked everywhere other than the bed in front of us.

"Hey, guys."

My head snaps up at the voice. Damian sounded in pain just to talk. The tears in my eyes were back.

I wasn't gonna cry in front of him.

He deserves better than that.

Damian didn't look like he had just been hit by a car. I don't know how I expected him to look. Maybe completely casted like in the cartoons. Instead, he just looked pale. There was a bandage on the side of his head right by his hairline and his entire left arm was wrapped up and gauzed.

The side the car hit.

I swallow thickly, trying not to cry.

"You guys don't have to just stand by the door," Damian said with a humorless laugh.

"Right." Karen set me on the table next to the bed and silently waved a quick goodbye.

Despite the slow beeping of the heart monitor, the room felt deafening quiet.

"Hi," I say flatly.

Things were never weird around Damian before. We always knew just what to say to each other and when. But- I was at a loss.

What do you say when your best friend is dying in a hospital bed?

There's no go-to small talk for that.

"You okay?" Damian asks me. His eyes don't have their usual shine and I force myself to look away.

"Yeah."

"You sure? I can't imagine your arm feels great."

"This isn't about me." I cross my arms over my chest, as best I can with the cast.

"Janis," Damian frowns. "What's wrong?"

"What's wrong? Damian! You're in a hospital bed and you're worried about me." I step backward, blinking violently to stop the tears from falling.

Damian smiled sadly. "I want to make sure you're okay. I'm dying there's nothing they can do."

"Don't say that."

"Janis, it's true."

"But you don't have to say it!"

Damian doesn't say anything to counter my outburst, he just sits there quietly.

It's almost worse.

Great.

My best friend is dying and I yelled at him.

I'm a shitty friend and a shitty person.

Damian deserves so much better. So much more.

But I can't give it to him.

All I can do is yell and be a little bitch.

Maybe I shouldn't have come in.

This was a mistake.

I glare down at my boots, almost like it's their fault.

My vision is blurred with tears that I refuse to let fall.

"Jan?" Damian says after a while.

I look up expecting to see anger because I yelled. Resentment, bitterness, something.

But there was none.

Damian looked at me sadly, more worried if anything.

"C'mere."

I step to the edge of the table as Damian reaches out. I can't imagine it doesn't hurt and a familiar pit of guilt forms in my stomach as normal when I'm being a nuisance.

Damian scoops me up gently and I try to ignore how his hands shake underneath me, or how they aren't as warm as normal. I try to ignore the way his face has lost all color. The way his eyes look dull and lost.

I try to ignore the fact that my best friend is fucking dying.

He holds me gently against his chest, something he has done so many times before. Whether it was to watch a movie on a Friday night or for a mid-day nap during the hot summers. But this was different.

His heartbeat was concerningly soft. The comforting beat was faint and dull.

Tears burning in my eyes again as I leaned backward into Damian's cupped hand.

He was dying.

My best friend was dying.

My giant was dying.

Damian was dying.

"I love you, Janis," He whispered, his fingers cupping around me more. "So so much."

It's futile to hold back the tears now. I try unsuccessfully anyway. "I love you too."

There are tears in Damian's eyes too and something about knowing he's crying too makes it so much harder to stop the flow of tears. I cover my mouth as I try to bite back a sob, being wildly unsuccessful.

"Damian, I can't- I just-"

My brain can't put together sentences.

Damian is dying.

It's the only coherent thought my brain can make. Like a broken record with the needle stuck on the same part.

Damian is dying. He's gonna die. There's nothing I can do to stop it or help. He's dying.

"Hey," Damian hold's me closer. "You're so strong. You'll be okay. You're the toughest person I know. You've been through so much and you will get through this. Okay? You're so brave and I know you'll be okay. Just promise me you won't do anything stupid."

I don't respond. I can't make that promise. I cant-

"Janis. Please. Do it for me." Damian sounds so feeble, so scared, so broke.

To see Damian, the person who had always been my rock and safe place, the one with the level head who always knew what to do, look as lost as I did-

"I'll try. I promise."

"Okay." He said softly. We didn't talk for a bit, we just sat there. I tried to convince myself it was like normal. Like any day I'm just held to Damian's chest.

But it wasn't normal.

His breaths were shallow, my arm ached, and the unspoken goodbyes hung heavy in the room.

There was a knock at the door after a while. Gretchen stood there. "It's been ten minutes."

"Oh, okay." Damian nodded, bringing his hand away from his chest.

I didn't want to leave.

Not yet.

I thought we had the rest of our lives to hang out. Not we only have a week.

At most.

Ten minutes isn't nearly enough.

"I'll be back tomorrow," I say, hugging his finger. "I love you."

"I love you too, Jan."

I let go and allow myself to get picked up by Gretchen, despite wanting to just stay and cry.

I can't bring myself to look back as we leave. Cady is waiting outside the room and steps in the second Gretchen walks out.

The rest of the night is a big blur. I slumped against Regina the second I was lowered to one of the tables and for the most part, zoned out. But I couldn't sleep. The events of today flashed before my eyes every time I closed them.

"Hey, Janis?" Regina nudged me. "You wanna stay with me for the night?"

My initial reaction was to say no and go home, but-

I thought back to my promise I made to Damian.

It would be easier not to hurt myself with somebody else around.

Besides, company didn't sound like the worst thing in the world right now.

"Sure," I say softly.

Regina stands, pulling me up with her. "Gretch is gonna drive us."

"Okay."

Gretchen lifts both of us as she brings her hand to her shoulder.

I climb on numbly. My movements feel sluggish, like each limb has a fifty-pound dumbbell attached.

We wave goodbye to Ms. Hubbard as we leave. She's driving Cady and Aaron home them coming back. Every part of me wanted to ask to stay with her. I know she'd say yes but- she needs time alone with her son.

I can't be selfish.

Karen is also getting a ride home from Gretchen and she holds Regina and I as Gretchen drives. No more on the shoulder when someone drives.

I spend the entire ride looking at my cast. The plastics around me talk but I don't pay attention. They don't expect me to.

Regina and I get dropped off at the edge of tiny town. Its a bit of a walk to the George's and we treck in silence.

It's dark out.

The tiny area of Northshore doesn't have many streetlights, but the lights from houses illuminate the sidewalk well enough.

I stop at my house first, grabbing a few things for an overnight trip.

My parents aren't home.

I'm glad though. If I saw them right now I may start to cry all over again.

I think I've done a pretty good job of bottling up my feelings from today. Not that it's healthy.

I can't have everyone worrying about me though. We have to worry about Damian.

Tomorrow felt so far away.

We make it to the Geroge household and Regina turns to me, speaking softly. "I'm gonna go fill my mom in more. You know the way to my room. Make yourself comfy."

I nod, turning to the stairs. I hear Regina and Ms. George talking as I step into Regina's room.

It didn't change much since we were in eighth grade.

Our rooms used to be identically pink. Same bedspread, same pink-themed boy band posters, same fairy lights.

Then the pool party happened.

My room changed drastically.

Regina's shed the old posters.

I toe off my boots leaving them at the foot of her bed and shed my jacket, letting it fall to the ground next to the books.

I flop back onto the plush mattress, the twinkling canopy of lights above me.

Turning on my side and bringing my feet up to curl into a ball, I'm mindful of my arm, trying to ignore the way it aches.

If today went as planned- what would I be doing right now?

I'd be with Damian obviously.

My eyelids feel heavy but I can't sleep. I don't want to replay the memories of earlier.

I don't want to even think of the nightmares that could stem from it.

We had been so happy.

I was on Damian's shoulder bickering about him playing more broadway songs.

"Driver gets aux. Not only does the driver get aux, but this is also my car, Jan."

"But-"

Damian chuckled shrugging his shoulder a bit, making me lose my balance.

"Hey!"

Cady grinned at us from the passenger seat. "Today was fun guys!"

"I agree," Karen said.

The skies were turning shades of purple as Damian drove home. The gang had spent the day a couple of towns over just exploring. It was the little things like that where they had the most fun.

Damian flicked on his headlights. "I didn't think we would stay that long." He says honestly.

"Yeah, who knew exploring a town square could be a full-day event!" Aaron said from his spot in Cady's hands.

I grinned leaning against Damian's neck.

The plastics sat in the back seat talking amongst themselves, Damian or Cady occasionally chiming in.

Despite my very clear opposition to it, show tunes were playing softly through the speakers.

I look out the driver's side window at all the houses we passed. People sat on front porches talking, others walked their dogs.

We were on the main road so all roads we intersected with had the stop sign, not us.

That made it easier for me as the tiny. I didn't have to worry about stopping short and going flying.

It happened so fast, none of us really had time to react.

Gretchen made some offhanded remark about the music and how it was "Janis's favorite".

I scoff, glancing out the window-

-only to see headlights.

"Janis."

I jump, Regina had walked into the room.

"Sorry, got lost in thought."

"I figured."

I sat up, swinging my feet over the edge of the bed as Regina sat next to me. "You okay?"

"As okay as I can be."

Regina tsks, wrapping her arm around me and pulling me closer. It's one of those times where you know talking won't do anything so you don't try.

The headlights.

The impact.

The pain.

Damian.

It was all slowly catching up.

I look at my arm. "Today didn't feel real."

"I know," Regina said softly. "I know."

My phone rings from where I left it still in my jacket and we both jump.

I fish it out of the pocket, frowning at the caller ID. "It's Damian's mom."

"Pick up."

"Right."

I raise the phone to my ear, my mind racing through all the possible reasons Ms. Hubbard could be calling.

I just hoped it wasn't-

There was crying on the other end.

-that.

"Hello?" I say shakily.

"Janis, the doctors were wrong. They- he- oh god. Damian-" There's a breath on the other end and I feel like I'm gonna puke from anxiety. "Damian died. He-"

For a second I think I misheard her.

"Wait- what?"

Then there are tears on the other end.

I didn't mishear.

Ms. Hubbard talks some more but-

I'm not listening.

I didn't mishear. I didn't mishear. I didn't mishear.

I had to have misheard.

But I didn't.

The phone in my ear feels like a dull buzz. My brain isn't understanding what Ms. Hubbard is saying.

It didn't make sense.

We were supposed to have a week.

I was supposed to see him tomorrow.

Tomorrow.

We don't get a tomorrow.

Damian is gone.

The realization clicks and it feels like a punch to the gut.

No.

I sink to the floor, my phone falling out of my hand. Its the least of my worries right now.

No.

The world around me doesn't feel real. It doesn't feel important. I'm vaguely aware of Regina by my side, pulling me into a hug and talking on my phone.

No.

I'm vaguely aware of the tears falling from my cheeks. I'm vaguely aware of the way they hit Regina's shoulder, the mascara staining the designer fabric.

I don't care enough to pull away.

I don't care at all.

I went from spending the rest of my life with my best friend, to a week, to never seeing him again.

In a matter of hours.

It didn't feel real.

But if it hurt this much when it didn't sink in- then I don't want it to sink in.

Regina placed my phone down, her arms wrapping tightly around me as my body shakes with sobs.

Only four hours ago we were trying out different ice cream flavors a town over.

We were making fun of Gretchen and Regina, posing like basic white girls for the camera.

But now-

I'm dimly aware of Regina talking but my brain cant process.

Damian's dead.

My best friend.

My other half.

The person who would stand by me for life.

Someone I could always count on.

Someone I love.

Was dead.

"He's gone." I whisper, my voice thick with tears.

"I know." Regina sounds just as broken as I bury my face in her shoulder.

"He can't be gone."

"He is."

We stop talking after that. We're still in the middle of Regina's bedroom floor but the thought of moving right now feels unbearable.

Doing anything right now feels unbearable.

What's the point?

He's gone.

He's gone. He's gone. He's gone.

It physically hurt.

I couldn't move, I couldn't talk, I couldn't breathe.

Each shallow inhale was met with forceful cries.

He's gone.

Regina hugs me tighter as another sob escapes my mouth.

I know it's late and for the sake of others in the George household I should try and quiet down but-

Damian's gone.

I feel a spot of wetness through my shirt and realize- Regina is crying too.

Who wouldn't? Damian is gone.

The mom of the friend group, the light whenever one of us was sad, the only one who was willing to stick up for tinies regardless if he knew them or not. He was sweet to everyone, and always welcoming.

That was rare in Northshore.

Now it's gone.

Now he's gone.

My mind kept saying it but it didn't feel real.

He couldn't be.

No.

Damian was my rock. I needed him. He needed me. We needed each other. What am I supposed to do now?

He cared when no one else did.

He made me feel loved and important when no one else would.

Even as I sat here in Regina's arm, I never felt more alone.

More lost.

Damian was dead.

I wouldn't get to see him tomorrow- I wouldn't get to see him ever again.

"Regina-"

"Shhh, I know." Her fingers ran through my hair gently removing the knots from the day. "I know."

But she didn't.

She wasn't there when I hit rock bottom. She wasn't there when Damian was. She didn't know how much I needed him.

I slump into Regina, completely drained of tears. She continues her work on my hair, it would be a lot quicker if she had a brush but- it felt nice.

"I miss him," I say bitterly. With the tears out, I felt angry. Angry at the world for doing this. Angry at the driver for blowing through an intersection. Angry at myself for not doing more. Not being able to do more.

"Hey, stop that." Regina says suddenly, grabbing my nonbroken arm.

Huh?

Oh.

I had been scratching my thigh without even thinking about it.

My fishnets were ripped and four long red lines stood in their place.

It didn't come close to breaking the skin, but Regina gently held my hand anyway. "Remember your promise to Damian."

"How?"

"He wanted to make sure you were okay, no matter what happened. I mean- we all do- but you know Damian."

"Yeah," I say softly. Of course, Damian was more worried about me even-

Even on his death bed.

Because he’s dead now.

He’s gone.

I frown, pulling away from Regina.

"I'm tired."

She nods. "Okay, you go to bed, I gotta- make a few calls, okay?"

"Okay."

I don't bother to change into the pajamas I brought, I just flop down on Regina's bed.

I can almost hear Damian telling me to change out of my fishnets and remove my contacts and take off my makeup- all the things I should do.

But the second I'm lying down- there's no getting up again.

I don't want to ever get up again.

He's gone.

Damian is gone.

He couldn't be.

It wasn't real.

I had to wake up from whatever hellish nightmare this was.

I look down at my cast.

A painful reminder of reality.

A painful reminder of today.

I twist so I'm on my back with my cast resting on my chest as Regina leaves the room, leaving the door cracked behind her.

"Hey Cady, I have news. Aaron with you?"

guys- listen. this could be the angstiest shit ever or not at all- ive read it so many times im desensitized. So yeah, sorry if broke your heart, ill try harder next time if I didnt. now who wants fluff? or tiny swap p2 lmao @realmisspolarbear @musicallygt @smallsoysauce @sourishlemons

#g/t mean girls #tiny janis #giant damian #tiny regina #giant cady #giant gretchen #giant karen #tiny aaron #i dont wanna point spoilish tags #just-#whoops

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yibuo · 4 years

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Hey, I love your blog ❤️. Can I ask for Uniq full story? I've seen a bits of it online but it's such a mess I can't figure out what's truth. Have a nice day 😁

FUNNY how i received this ask when i was crying about wenhan’s baby angel voice in best friend just earlier

tldr if i ever meet du hua it’s on SIGHT

LOL okay idk if this is the FULL story i probably won’t include details and stuff because i didn’t closely follow uniq during their whole hiatus thing (i had the brainpower to stan one group at a time but now look at me TWO kpop groups AND i’m starting to follow a cpop group AND pd camp 2020 AND am constantly fuming at yibo and xiao zhan’s management agencies for ruining their idol groups )

pls correct me if i’m wrong im small brain ok i’m putting this in keep reading bc it’s too long and a ramble

tldr thanks yuehua for messing w/ 5 guys’ dreams.. even though they’re successful they’re not able to do what they originally wanted to

also there’s this legendary video dragging yuehua

also thank u for ur love sweetie i love u too xoxo i hope ur having a wonderful day/evening/night!

LOOL anyway so uniq is a korean-chinese boy group formed under yuehua ent which has korean and chinese management ... you probably know other kpop artists from yuehua like wjsn (co-managed by starship) or everglow... if you’re into cpop there’s next/next7...anyway they have 3 chinese members(yixuan, wenhan, and yibo) and 2 korean members (sungjoo and seungyoun) and they debuted in 2014 with falling in love, promoted btwn china and korea, released a couple of osts (for like, teenage mutant ninja turtles and madagascar lol lol lol) and then in 2015 they came back w/ eoeo (if you’re into kpop you probably know eoeo at least) it’s their most well-known song, and this comeback was w/ their first (and only lol lol) ep/mini album.

they started garnering a good amount of attention and started to appear on more variety shows in korea and china, started promoting in japan, they even went to brazil in a fanmeet that’s pretty cool lol , (but...why didn’t they solidify uniq’s position in kr/ch with their momentum instead of sending them to different countries??? we love money-minded yeehaw entertainment)

and then china’s hallyu ban happened (which is something that i never really understood and never took the time to fully research because it hurt my brain) but essentially chinese govt restricted k-entertainment from profitting in china because politics, for example a lot of kpop tours and fanmeets got cancelled. and this put uniq in a difficult position because they’re split between being based in china and korea, but eventually the ban got lessened (there’s still tension but like, there’s literally adore u playing in the camp of pd camp 2020 ep 2 so like lol) but yeehaw made NO efforts to maintain the group musically b/c they’re money-minded cows and if they split uniq up into a kr and a chinese unit they can’t make as much money as if they sent the members into acting.... (literally there’s an interview from a couple yrs back where xuan talks about how itd be nice to make music but it doesn’t make as much as acting does in china :-(( ) so while they still had events in japan, they didn’t do much together in their main bases, and acted a lot cool cool

one thing i never understood is why yuehua never just pushed them more in the kr market...there are so many groups in the k-industry w/ chinese members (i literally STAN one, my ULT is a chinese member in a kpop group what the HECK)...but making money right lol anyway so xuan, wenhan, and yibo went into acting in china (and yibo is an mc on day day up), and acting takes up sm time, (gonna quote my chinese friend here who’s a sad wjsn ot13 stan who misses cheng xiao, mmq, and wxy, once ur popular in china it’s goodbye kpop) and sungjoo went into acting in korea (if you’ve ever watched my secret terrius or the disaster that was liar and his lover w/ joy, sungjoo is in those lol) and seungyoun continued to produce and release music as woodz and luizy

but it’s sad because they all trained for so long to perform on the stage as 5 but yuehua’s shitty management in the hallyu ban crisis thing really screwed them over...in terms of being on the stage like come on! THEY HAVE TALENT.. ok in early 2018 they released an ep and in dec 2018 they released their single monster (last single together lol), but again, no group promotion, no being able to perform on the stage, no nothing (oh yeah also yibo was a dance mentor on produce 101 china in 2018 nice)

2019 was a good year for most of the members:

-wenhan went on qcyn (youth with you season 1, the second show in the idol producer franchise) and got 1st, debuting in unine which he’s currently a part of, and got to perform on the stage after years of not being able to, thanks yuehua

-yixuan went on all for one (another survival program from youku), also got 1st, and debuted in new storm

-yibo (as we all know) acted in the untamed and became ultra-popular for his well-roundedness

-seungyoun went on the 4th season/spinoff of produce 101 in kr called produce x 101 and got 5th place, debuting in x1, which later disbanded, THANKS MNET THAT’S ANOTHER STORY BUT anyway i don’t think seungyoun was rigged into place, does yuehua even care that much?? lmOA he was so loveable on px101 and i think the move perf rly sealed the deal for everyone

-sungjoo...was done dirty by yeehaw...he’s a MAIN VOCAL he has SOLo potential but yeehaw just put him in the dungeon thanks.. and he recently enlisted in the army not too long ago

oh also sungjoo, xuan, and yibo performed monster + eoeo together at yuehua’s 10 anniversary concert...seungyoun wasn’t there because of x1 and wenhan performed with unine

wow yeehaw really thought they deserved a 10th anniversaryy celebration LMFAO

***the members are still part of uniq though, survival shows are weird

anyway as we can see each member is talented in their own way and uniq is an unfortunate case of yuehua not knowing how to manage people lol but if you watch their shows you know that they’re genuine and tight-knit, and even though they might not be together rn, in their hearts they’re still a part of uniq (cue pics of their weibo usernames having uniq in them, cue wenhan spamming his dad’s video with “UNIQ IS STILL TOGETHER” when his dad talks about how uniq disbanded) and they haven’t forgotten their identity of being part of uniq even as they get older. their contracts expire in 2022 and w/ kim sungjoo in the army, who knows if they actually will make a comeback but this is why everyone hates yuehua and everyone misses uniq bye

again i know they’re successful individually, i know seungyoun’s able to produce his own music, yibo’s able to turn his hobbies into work, wenhan and yixuan are still able to perform on a stage, they came here for uniq and got separated w/o them ever wanting to

#reply #next thing u know someone is gonna ask me about xiao zhan and xnine and wjjw and i will continue my heatedness #Anonymous

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ts-akhmim · 4 years

Text

Episode 6 | “His best Amanda Kimmel "Go girl, give us nothing!" impersonation” - Liam

https://drive.google.com/file/d/1ryrU-tXQbMyAa2Sl_GFiJb61i6qUNY-x/view?usp=sharing

aj went home??!?!?! hello!? JAKE SURVIVED SO THERE IS A GOD

Who feels like shit? Meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee. And now I remember why I feuded with Jakey... he literally did what ever he wanted. Which is very inconvenient for the rest of us. I know he put my name down. Granted 3 minutes ago I was sure it was Dan but after briefly snapping at him I put it together. Dan, 7:21 PM Seriously I’m not mad about it ahha I can see how my words were taken. And then I definitely said this afternoon we hadn’t talked and that was why I thought you would be the vote on my end Yeah you were a target before AJ started throwing my name out. I own up to that 100% So now it's time to play voting detective... yaayyyyyyyyyyyy (em llik) This entire vote started off with Jakey and Dan. Dan claims that he didn't bring my name up, but it would be an ass pull for Jakey to come to me with Dan wanting me dead immediately after the immunity challenge and then suddenly manifest it. Jakey immediately comes to me and I immediately come to the Dumb Betches (tm). I want Dan out but it's just not realistic as the other side isn't as comfortable playing with a pure beauty team. Next day we form the Thots R Us alliance and Jakey and Scott plead their case for AJ to leave and we, like idiots, go for it. Dan continues to campaign for me. Devon gets into the mix at some point and tells Dan that AJ is voting for him. Dan changes his vote. Now according to Augusto around this point, Jakey mentioned the possibility of having an extra vote before completely shutting it down. Claiming it to be "unnecessary". I think this sparked the idea to tell AJ about the vote under the guise of "golly gee I don't wanna vote for Dan because honor and stuff so I'm voting for you". I assume it's around then he wrote my name down. Like a bitch. Sorry I'm trying to be less hateful and aggressive but man it's harrdddddddd. My guess is that he wanted a beauty out no matter what and figured he'd have better luck convincing the others to vote for me in a situation where an idol is played. He probably also wanted me and Dan to turn further against each other. Unfortunately for him, I spent all of my impulse control that day on not chewing Dan's head off and I snapped immediately afterwords and so some things were cleared up. It has to be Jakey not just because of all the things lining up and not just because it is in his character but I genuinely can't imagine anyone else doing so. - AJ and Amir are loyal hoes. Plus if one of them did something that absurd, it wouldn't exactly benefit them. It puts strain between our relationships with the other players and honestly I don't know why they'd waste a vote on me when if an idol is played they risk losing a beauty majority. - Devon doesn't seem like he would make any waves and seems to have taken a liking to me. Granted I'm less sure about him then the others but he did put most of the work in convincing Dan not to put my name down. Plus he doesn't seem to have anticipated AJ having an idol. - Scott, to do something like this would have been risky. I'm his primary connection to the beauty alliance, if AJ were to play an idol he would have risked losing an asset. - I truly think Dan isn't lying to me because he genuinely believed if he didn't vote for AJ he'd be fucked. He wasn't comfortable with where the votes lied, to throw a vote towards me would have been pretty dumb and insanely reckless. Jakey is the only person I can think of who would go out so out of his way for something like this. Chaos is more or less his calling card. Plus it would be in his best interest to keep around someone in his majority alliance and get rid of a beauty. And he probably thought that I was a better option considering past history or whatever. :/ So now we have to sacrifice Jakey to the survivor gods not because he wrote my name down but because I can't trust him to keep his shit together and vote with us. We were going to target Dan next and he probably won't be chill with that. He probably would prefer to aim for Devon or One of the beauties. And that well, wouldn't be in my best interest either. In the mean time, I'm just going to sit still and look pretty.

Ok, I need to make a quick apology. Talking to Autumn and Duncan has been the highlight of my game thus far. Autumn went to the same undergrad as me and Duncan is one of the most genuine guys I've ever met. I feel terrible for ever being doubtful of being on the same tribe as them. Because now I really think I have two more people that I feel I can trust and move with further, which (in the words of the perfect Mrs. Kim Spradlin) means I have options, and I think this can guarantee a spot for me at merge and a really good group to make some moves with that isn't as obvious to people. If we were to go to tribal, I think my target would be Connor which should be an easy vote given his general lack of activity on the tribe thus far, but I'm also not against the prospect of blindsiding Ali as I think there's a chance he has that Apis idol and I'm certain he has a few tricks up his sleeves.

okay soooo i have two LONG video confessionals uploading from the last two days but wow stuff is happening... so first off, the nuThoth tribe voted off... AJ?! which is so unexpected, that shakes up the game completely, like now it means the game is changed... it means the brawn four on this tribe sticking together is a really bad idea, and it just... everything has changed. i'm so so glad jake has survived, which keeps one good ally in on nuThoth. I'm still scared of Augusto/Amir/Kendall/Scott, but hopefully one will go if they go to tribal again? idek but yeah a lot of this will be repeated in my video, but god is a woman. and her name is autumn, i called with autumn for TWO HOURS yesterday and it was a transcendent experience, i literally love her so much. and it was such a good conversation, like i 100% overshared but it was great to kinda link up... i talked to her about adam (more on him later), she filled me in on the brain hot goss and she is of course someone i want to stick with. on this tribe, the two i feel best about are tj and autumn - tj i was SO mean to at the start but i actually get really good energy from him now? i really want to solidify something with him, i definitely want to stick wit him. jordan i think trusts me a lot but for some reason i continue to have anxiety about him (but he is a good shield in a merge situation). i for some reason get really good vibes from connor? i think i would love to talk to him more (will pm him today) - i think connor gives off good vibes and particularly since adam's conspiracy of a beauty illuminati is over i think i could trust him a lot? we haven't spoken much but he has really good ally potential imo. adam is a tricky one. for some reason i do NOT trust him. he is in EVERYONES pms peddling this same narrative and is just doing a lot? i think he is a real slippery player, and i feel like he is a fish who if we release into the ocean of a merge tribe we will never get back? i have such anxiety about him making it far so i'd love for him to go as soon as possible. its tough tho because now that a beauty majority voted off a beauty, i feel like the brawn four on this tribe need to do similar? so maybe i need to vote off liam? its just annoying because i trust liam, and i'd LOVE to get adam out but i dont see the numbers to pull that off. so i feel like we have to vote liam to give ourselves wiggle room as brawn players, but from there idk... because i want adam GONE grrrrrrrrrr its frustrating. hopefully we win this challenge, and the other tribe has another chance to get rid of someone... like the less decisions i have to make the better at this point i take it back jordan is so sweet, he is like a teddy bear... its just whether he is a care bear or lotso from toy story

i cant remember what my last confessional said so im just gonna start with last tribal: aj got voted out ........ of all the false beautys it had to be him the ONE who actually was nice to me and was the whistleblower on that main alliance? when i said it'd ironically beautiful to me to see one of the beautys voted out he was NOT any of the ones i was talking about then we get our next immunity and oh would you look at that... THREE people have to sit out meaning there's gonna surely be another chat with 5 people in it to say lets vote adam out AGAIN.......as soon as i saw this challenge my ptsd immediately was triggered and i was trying SO hard to sound like i wanted to be in one of the things even if i wouldnt have been good at it just so i could rest easy but it didnt really work out, in fact the highlight of the challenge was actually me and duncan and our contribution of sitting on the sidelines looking pretty while they all flopped but bless their hearts at least they tried, so now we're going back to tribal, and again i didnt compete in immunity which apparenly is cause for a target now so ... im HOPING that doesnt happen again, and if it does then i probably deserve to go home! i was kinda just.... not in the mood to talk to anyone much of yesterday or even today just because um.... i didnt want to dfakdfs mostly due to that dumb bitch DeDe Pressión just making me wanna do nothing but lay in bed and torture myself by watching more real survivor but i woke up today in a better mood, the moods they come and they go, much like me i love being elusive so hopefully people just dont think im like such dumb bitch who doesnt wanna talk or whatever, because believe it or not the gorls can be so hateful over you not being able to recite their whole life story back to them at the final triabl! they ripped me to shred my first season because i couldnt tell them so and so had a purple sheep back on the farm in late october 2007 like gorl plea .... so yeah ive been trying to talk to more people today to compensate, not sure where it will go, it did reassure me a bit that liam messaged me like RIGHT after the challenge and began already saying stuff about connor like ooh gorl michael_jackson_i_love_this_song.gif, but i just need to be careful because i dont want to seem like im the one controlling the vote, because odds are im gonna get made to look a fool and ill go home, or be left in the dark, but im gonna try to have slightly more faith in these people and hope they're buying what im selling, because it's pretty good stuff, i just want to feel like im the most expensive iphone in the store you know, like i want to be able to say im building relationships nonetheless and will make people come running to ME with information but who knows. I'm either playing decently and in a good spot right now, or im a fucking delusional schizophrenic so im hoping tribal reveals something like that one way or another. at least if i get voted off i can stop letting this game stress me the HELL out in the middle of a fucking pandemic

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When AJ leaves and you can trust your new alliance with the beauties and Jakey https://media.tenor.com/images/b4c2f5c658c1d3ade7e506ee7ffe3c5e/tenor.gif When you win your first tribal immunity challenge of the season https://i.imgur.com/8xzlbRW.gif When you don’t have to see Alyssa and Jess at tribal https://media.giphy.com/media/6nuiJjOOQBBn2/giphy.gif My tribe when I get to go to bed early because I don’t have to stay up stressing about tribal https://media.vanityfair.com/photos/58c16a15208b4945c3920cf0/master/w_1600%2Cc_limit/nicole-kidman-seal-clap.gif

Second tribal of the game for me and I am feeling good once again. i see myself in a position where I dont think i am being targeted and I really just have room to grow and form my social relationships. I feel bad for connor cause I think he will be going home barring anything crazy happening. He was someone I wanted to work with going into this game, but ill be honest his social game is just abysmal he needs to talk to people more. I originally thought he was just not talking to me cause he assumed we were good but apparently everone feels like they cant have a convo with him. Its way too early for me to do something crazy and deviate so I think hes gonna be blindsided tonight. Maybe I want to lock down a final 2 with TJ soon im starting to trust him more and more and hopefully he feels the same way. Im pretty confident that were gonna merge at 12 because thats the first time my legacy advantage is coming into play but im not sharing that information, that power is as locked to the chest as can be I will not tell a soul all game about it, thats how you become a fan favourite game changer sierra dawn thomas and I will not be her, married to joe anglim what a thought. Im off focus, either way Ive talked a lot about feeling very rocky in this game so far and feeling like I havent found my footing, but Im getting a foundation built now and once I get going, theirs no stopping me.

Is it seriously only Day 14..? Ugh, this game drags on for so, so long. Tonight is gonna be deja vu of Kvaloya in which I once again send home Connor, hopefully unanimously again. I respond to his fucking messages, and he's doing his best Amanda Kimmel "go girl, give us nothing!" impersonation right now. It's ANNOYING. I can't work with someone who does this!

oh duncan. oh duncan duncan duncan. every single time we play together you underestimate me as a player and it is infuriating? so this time you don't want an alliance with me? that's fine... but don't think i wont find out. i'm literally my blood is boiling that he thinks he can get away with this... grr. but also i love autumn for telling me, it shows me i can trust her and we are gonna go the distance. anyway so i do think connor is going to leave tonight and me freaking out will only make it me instead... so i will go with it. but now im waiting to see what jordan and tj say... and to see if they tell me. i dont think tj will tell me, but i do think jordan BETTER. i'm defending him to autumn, so he owes me plus he says we are a duo so he better JKASLDFAF. so now? i feel like i need to trust adam and stop being so nervous to trust him... he is on the bottom with me and we need to flip this upside DOWN. if me/adam link up, that will be good... because im not down to be stuck on the bottom for more than a vote... being on the bottom is how to go home and that's not my thing

So now that the vote is looming, I think that we have it fully on Connor now. Duncan and I came up with the fake vote of Adam which Connor seemed to take? Although he's asking questions that seem fishy, so let's just hope he buys it. And Duncan and I made an alliance of me, him, Jordan, and Autumn which is perfect to have going into merge. I still need to figure out how best to integrate the two so that they can know Jakey is going to work with us but not enough so that they don't know that me/Jakey/Jordan also have an alliance together. But this is awesome going into the next round, and I'm just praying that we don't see an idol played, because that would be DISASTER!

the way i've called adam shady for days and days and now i trust him one of the most? wow a growth arc. i'm still heated about duncan. he is SOO likable and charismatic, and is someone who is genuinely always just fun to play with? so him being in this gamebot really dry state is so frustrating because ik if he just relaxed and let his natural personality out he would snap?! he is just so fixated on doing well this season that he is getting in his own way (at least imo, but this is coming from mr im not in an alliance so im bitter KJSAFD). so anyway now that duncan is not a viable ally anymore, i need to solidify the other connections... and i think adam and autumn are the move. adam is clearly just desperate for allies and while he is over-eager, i think he is earnest so ill stop being paranoid about him. autumn is just a queen and a goddess so im gonna stick with her too... liam is lovely too... i just want duncan OUTTTTTTTTTTT he will not get away with this, i am the meddling kid(s) who will ruin his plans... will duncan go to the end as the gamebot leader... well... https://gph.is/2dmg9hV

also can i just say i love tj?! like i sent duncan very similar messages about feeling like i've been out of it, and the difference in their responses is remarkable: tj: I think everyone understands that you haven't been 100% the last few days, so I doubt anyone is going to fault you for that. And everyone knows that it's a game, real life does come first. like... sweet, supportive without being patronising? validating duncan: and i don't think things have really kicked off over here yet, i think its going to be an "easy vote" but we'll see what happens duncan.... immediately to game, almost his own conversation... i'm... over it?

well we have tribal in just a few hours, and tonight it's gonna be pretty clear cut in the sense that, ill finally have answers because um it's either gonna be me or connor ive been doing my best to lead this smear campaign against him, only because he made the wrong move by coming for me first and continuing to lie to my face about it so at this point i wish i felt bad but i dont. I could be completely delusional but I do think it's working because people have come to ME first and said they want to vote connor, because of both what i was saying and because he just hasnt been talking to many people besides right after the challenge so like... people can see how transparent that is pls also because MULTIPLE people have approached me first today telling me he plans on voting me out so unless they're specializing in some hardcore reverse psychology...i think i have a shot at it being 7-1 connor but once again i literally could be being made out to be a whole ass goof and not even know. or even worst have got all the numbers on my side but then get idol'ed out fdhaskj both very likely scenarios because things never seem this easy in this game ive been trying my best to get to know people and i feel like im slowly connecting more with some of them, so i guess tonight at tribal will be a test on those relationships because all the people ive been talking to will either, believe me, trust me, and wanna play with me, or theyre gonna listen to connor and vote me out, and honestly if they vote me out over him then i completely deserve to go home because clearly im doing something wrong my biggest fear is im hoping i havent come off too strong trying to play by painting this narrative of the old hathor's and connor being so against me, because while yes obviously i want connor gone for my own reasons, the trick is i dont want people to think im leading a charge against him (even tho i absolutely am) because i dont want that kinda target on me but truly who the fuck knows, i could very well go home but idk. this game is like walking into a serial killer convention and trying to stay alive, that's how i feel like im putting my faith in the hands of killers, it's making a bitch shook so i guess we'll see but in a perfect world..... connor will leave....which may look bad because of old tribe lines, but im really trying to wor any magic i have to where me being the only beauty on this tribe would be beneficial for me to hopefully be sought after by any brawns or brains, but if you ask me old tribe lines are about to be nonexistent. even though there will be 4 brawns next round, ive been trying to connect to some of them in the hopes that theyll ditch any old alliance they have to work with me but only time will tell so um yeah keep me in your thoughts and prayers pls

Not gonna lie, I haven't done much of anything this round but I don't mind it! Sometimes I just wanna be a lazy bitch yknow? But yeah, Thoth FINALLY beat its 0 challenge wins curse and we won immunity which I am thankful for given tribal would've been extremely messy? With the Kendall vote last round (which I think was Jakey or Jakey telling Dan to do so), who knows what would've been the outcome! Yay for safety <3

hiiiii no video because i no longer want to do them. let the record show that i was the 1st to say adam's name, if he goes, i did that. if i go, i did that.

i didn't make a confessional this round and tribal is about to start! im going to expect connor to go but this would be a shitty last confessional if i go home tonight. I'm hoping to establish trust within this new tribe. Wish me luck! XOXO Gossip Girl. also my dog just ate the cake i left on the counter >.> thats why im late.

I can't give y'all a real confessional right now cause Cagayan has me screaming but I believe Connor is going home 7-1 and I gave the green light to an alliance I plan on turning on whew so see y'all soon

So basically, tribal happened, beauties lost a number unanimously, theres pros and cons to this. Pros: ppl think the idol left, beauty is less threatening, we show loyalty to more people and build relationships. Bad: someone lied. that kendall throw away vote was to ensure a beauty went home in case aj played an idol, and everyone claims it wasnt them, so someone on this tribe has a case of the LIE-ABETES. * anyway, here is Shit I learned today aka dirt on ppl: 🎃Devon - told me that dan was afraid of an all beauties thing 🎃Jakey - told me dan Ali him and Jordan were a majority - told me Ali has the idol - told me Ali is a rat who warned lovelis - called Adam annoying and ugly - said he wants Devon out next - thinks Devon voted kendall 🎃 scott - told me Devon screwed him over and got himself voted out on brains - told me autumn and Duncan are a duo 🎃 Dan - told jakey that he thinks the brains tribe voted kendall to divide beauty and brawn 🎃 kendall - hidden secret alliance with Jakey - hates dan 🎃 augusto - super close with Devon - wants to blindside Jakey - thinks Jakey is the kendall vote

#BackWithVengeance

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ts-hvv4 · 4 years

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EPISODE TWO:” I CAME INTO THIS GAME A HERO BUT IM GOING TO WIN IT AS A VILLAIN” - NED

After a not so unanimous vote, the tribes head into another immunity and alliances solidify.

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I’m in love with sharifa and very annoyed with Malik

I’m a hero but I’ve always gotten along better with villains 😅 good dynamic I think

And just like that, everything changes. What should have been an easy 9-1 vote against Cheatham turned into a 7-3, where I received not only Cheatham's vote, but TWO OTHERS. That is literally the stupidest thing they could have done-- if I had only received Cheatham's vote, I would be chilling. Now I'm on high alert and in game mode. I've been playing kumbayah Survivor for the past 3 days, but that's clearly not going to work going forward. Step 1: Identify the power players. Step 2: Cozy up to them and become a loyal solider. *gag* Step 3: Let them drag me to a swap or merge. Step 4: Join forces with Andreas and Sarah and take control of the game. Step 1 and 2 are complete: I've become very buddy-buddy with Sharifa and Malik, and I think they're going to FIGHT for me to stay. Not only that, but they're revealing information about a secret alliance INCLUDING OLIVIA AND TRENT where OLIVIA pitched my name as the contingency plan and Keegan voted against me! So on either side of me are two power duos: Olivia/Trent and Sharifa/Malik, and one of them is lying to me. But as long as they both think they have me as a pawn, I should be good. I'm considered a hero because I'm always playing from the top down, so now I'm using that perception to my advantage. Now that I'm the underdog, my word means nothing. I came into this game a hero but I'm going to win it as a villain.

So, the first tribal was a success and Cheatham ended up going home. I did feel bad because he was PRESENT during the results but he was the least talkative person and it was kinda ironic he made a comment about it during tribal.. Now we have this challenge that’ll take round two days. I really don’t want to lose again, but if I do I plan to flip. Ned I feel is most likely going to be at risk or even Jake, and I cannot let that happen after I’ve bonded with them way more than my own allies. Me and Ned are actually already on a I love you basis and we’ve only had conversations for a straight 2 days! Lmao I feel that’s a plus. And me Sharifa and Kurt all seem good with each other. They both love me and I love both of them, but they’re both slightly wary about each other but like each other. I want to bring those two and Jake/Ned together and make that an alliance of five, and get rid of Trent or Olivia. To me, Trent and Olivia have been a bit too obvious about working together. And I feel it would be good to put that to a stop before it can continue. Sharifa agreed with me about flipping on the alliance so if we lose, I’m going to plan an actual blindside, which is people know me is SO out of character of me, but who am I to get rid of my connections that I clearly have? I appreciate Keegan, Trent and Olivia for grabbing me but I feel it’s just for numbers and that’s why I was picked, because that one trunks call was.. just awkward, unless they just don’t know how to communicate. But I don’t wanna back down from the plan so I don’t plan to.

so Cheatham just went home, which is shame, something was tugging at me to keep him, but wasn't about to go against the vote. lets see if this bite me in the ass. (although he was inact so it probably won't). The Tea Sluts alliance is amazing, Keegan and Malik are great. I really hope we win this immunity because I don't want anyone else to go. but I have a very bad feeling about this challenge. all of us are brains, and i have to go out and buy cups to be able to do the brawn challenge. This game has just started and i can't tell if it the ADHD or my need to not be a goat, but I"M READY TO PLAY. I may be a hero but I want to snake some people, and make moves. I also really want to play Lukas and Kage. swap me up baby.

So for this challenge I’m really not feeling too hot about my tribes chances. It seems like not many people are excited about it, granted I did get a score of 8 on guess who. Hopefully we can pull it together

Now that I am giving my purple edit a break.... Kage is literally the Shaggy to my Scooby and I hope we can make it so far in the game. We joked that Dennis was Velma, Sarah was Daphne, and Andreas was Fred so lowkey I hope that Mystery Inc can happen!

Right now I think it is important I NOT make any alliances or at least push for them. With Cheatham gone I can't help but wonder what mentality goes on- he was one of the new people and if it is Old School vs New School I'm donezo. I cant fully form an opinion just yet but I need to up my social a bit!

I think I want Matt to view our relationship like an Apprentice-Mentor one. He seems pretty all knowing so maybe I can act like I'm under his wing. Meanwhile Dennis the Menace is still rockin

Ned just straight up never reads the tribe chat and whenever I try and spill tea with him he’s just completely lost and I’m just like maybe read a little, amigo and people won’t vote for you

My alliance with Kurt gives me L’shei Jakey vibes. Like I can be fully honest with him and I never have to monitor myself, and he’s completely honest with me (at least from what I can tell). Im telling him to tell Ned about the vote, because if Ned finds out from someone else he won’t trust Kurt, and I need him to trust Kurt. I told Ned about the alliance last night, and Keegan voting for him, as a way to establish trust. From what I can gather Ned is a very loyal guy, and I want that loyalty directed at me. It’s sort of like the Brigade alliance (ew) where they each had one person outside the main alliance. If Kurt has Malik, and I have Ned, we’re guaranteed a 4 person voting block, without an established alliance. But that means I need Ned to not hate Kurt, so I think Kurt has to be honest about the vote with him. I’m just nervous because for whatever reason, Ned is weary of Kurt, and naturally doesn’t want to trust him. So I’m trying to push Ned in that direction, without revealing how tight Kurt and I are. Kurts my number 1, but I want Ned to be my number 2. Trent on the other hand is that guy you bounce out of feeling really good with, and then sketched out by, like 10 times throughout the day. Those are probably the three people I’m working with the most, with Malik and Jake on the outer orbit. Malik’s lack of logical reasoning is VERY alarming. Everything I do is based in making a strategic assessment from information I’ve gathered. If I can’t convince you of what makes sense for the immunity challenge, how are we going to communicate when it comes to the game??? It was all just very alarming. The only thing I can think of, is there was a mental thing he was trying to hide, like social anxiety or something, but I would rather him be straight up about that instead of saying he can’t do the challenge because it’s raining....SIS YOU DONT LOOK LIKE THE WICKED WITCH OF THE WEST I—

*a little while later Sharifa returns with a long scroll of reciepts which she unrolls in front of the camera*

3:50 PM if it helps i dont think she or anyone wanted you to go idol paranoia just happened I don't think she wants you out

Ned, 3:51 PM Thanks, I appreciate that

3:51 PM Because we're starting to talk about Malik

Ned, 3:51 PM I understand but that’s not someone I want as a close ally ya know? Like I’ll work with her but I’m not the kind of person who will throw my own allies under the bus even if there is an idol You’re the only person who’s been straight up with me

3:55 PM Yeah I don't know how close y'all were, and the first vote is hard because you're still establishing relationships. I'll be fully transparent when Cheatham asked what name I heard, I said yours, because that's the one he heard. At this point this round, is about who is really with who, and I'm not letting your name come up at all. Now we that have this trust, I'm with you until the end

Ned, 3:57 PM I understand that, and most of the discussion happened before we really got to know each other too so I don’t hold it against you at all. And thank you, I’m with you 10000% too. Oh yeah I’m just gonna play along with Olivia and Trent. Olivia also made a chat with the three of us but it’s clear to me that it’s only a front because no one ever speaks in it. Not really feeling great about her at the moment. I don’t want them to suspect it though

3:59 PM Olivia just messaged Trent and I about dumping Malik and bringing in Kurt.

Ned, 4:00 PM Olivia’s a frickin snake she’s trying to play everyone! Yeah. I’m not feeling good about that duo. They’re clearly tight since they’re the common denominator between all of this

4:03 PM They played Indonesia together and were aligned until the final 4. But Trent kept playing that they were after each other and backstabbed each other. Interesting for two people who are in multiple alliances with people on this tribe.

Ned, 4:03 PM That’s what Olivia said to me, that she didn’t know if she could trust him but they seem awfully buddy buddy

4:03 PM Trent kept saying to me that he didnt trust OIivia Ned, 4:03 PM BRUH!!!! We said that at the same time

4:04 PM They HAVE to be a final 2 I mean it's a brilliant strategy, who would question it

Ned, 4:05 PM I know, that’s genius They just didn’t expect anyone to start comparing notes 😂😂😂 Freaking evil I swear

4:08 PM I keep trying to figure out if I can trust Trent, this is making it clear to me that's a no go. He's always trying to downplay that he's a villain. Question now, is what do we do about it. Trent just said he was on board to bring in Kurt, I really think we should talk to Kurt before they do, I dont want them getting another number on their side. They have everyone right now.

Ned, 4:09 PM Same. And it’s perfect because Olivia is a hero so I don’t think anyone would suspect it. And absolutely, we need to bring in Kurt ASAP. We can easily get Malik because they’re trashing him. Who else could we get, Keegan? Birch? I know you think Birch is close with Trent so I’m not sure.

4:11 PM The only thing about Malik im nervous about is 1) I'm not his favorite person right now and 2) This whole rain drama really makes me question his ability to make logical decisions Keegan I feel like is close with Olvia and Trent, because I'm fairly confident those three talked about the alliance before I was approached for it And I think Birch is close with Trent yeah. But what about Jake? Jake, Kurt you and me would be 4

Ned, 4:17 PM Yeah definitely. That’s 4. And I get that you’re wary about Malik but I think he’d probably work with us if he knows they’re plotting against him. And 5 is all we need. So if you can get Kurt I can get Jake and Malik probably.

4:20 PM Yeah you're right. The question now is timing, this potential swap has me really nervous about fracturing the tribe. We take our shot now at Trent and Olivia, and we have the one who survived, Keegan and Birch pissed off. What if we were able to take out one of their numbers in a way they can't be mad about? Like at this next tribal, go for Birch who isn't in the majority alliance, that way we have our 5 safe, Olivia, Keegan and Trent are none the wiser, and we go into the potential swap safe with numbers?

Honestly, Socially not much has changed. Emma is the person who talks the least to me (or replies the most rare) and Andreas has worked his way up to the top. Another thing I have noticed with this tribe is, that everyone randomly dumps their searches onto you, to expect to get searches back. Matt did that, Andreas, Emma and Kage wants to make a whole alliance with Chris, Andreas, Sarah and myself to do that idol search. HONESTLY?! I JUST WANT TO FIND MY IDOL IN PEACE AND HAVE IT ONLY FOR MYSELF. But what I want to say with this is, that bonds are slowly forming, way slower than I am used to in ORGs, and while I have less availability, that seems to fit quite into this tribe, with people only being able to be online at certain intervals of the day. The challenge is pretty bad for me. I suck at guess who, Cup stacking (never done before) and I hate taking selfies with strangers... So i took the "easy" way out. Nobody, but Ricky wanted to do the selfie challenge (what probably means we are most likely losing this category, unless the other tribe is as awkward as we are), so I told multiple people that I am fine just doing the Selfiechallenge, if the rest feels more comfortable and stronger in the other challenges. I have aligned my entire schedule tomorrow to get ten (10!!!!) selfies MAXIMUM (because thats apparently all the people I know IRL, that are willing to make time for me). All of this because I am hoping, that if we lose, people will be greatful to me for taking on the EMBARASSMENT of the selfie challenge, while hiding behind a hope of Ricky carrying this part for us. And not taking any of the blame of the tribe if we lose. Sounds good? Sounds good.

This game has really picked up. I think my social game strategy this season is really working out for me, because I have been propositioned by everyone on this tribe except Lukas about being in an alliance LOL.... it seems the majority of the alliances include Dennis, Chris, and Sarah so it’s safe to say that us four are the major social threats. I’m continuing with my ‘yes and’ strategy where I agree with people and I think it’s really working. Sarah told me she found the idol, which is REALLY good for our game for sure. She’s my #1 in this game, so that idol will hopefully help us out. Based off all the discussions I’ve been having, Emma and Ricky haven’t been as social as they should be and that’s a point of concern for most people. I’ve said it once and I’ll say it again, I don’t mind if Emma leaves. I don’t feel very safe with her around. So if we lose, Emma’s days might be numbered.

The other tribes tribal was super interesting.... a 7-3 vote is a weird number and leaves me to think that people were left out of the vote. I imagine based off that there is some drama happening on that tribe. I’m happy I’m over here for sure.

So i guess i should make a confessional because i went to search for the idol at the beach on day 4/5 and FOUND THE FUCKING IDOL!!!!! IM SCREECHING!!!! I obviously told andreas bc hes my #1 and I cant wait to tell ned. I just know that andreas/ned and i will be a deadly 3 person alliance Kage went to thera and was saying shit that doesnt make sense to other ppl and HE ALWAYS DOES THIS! idk if he means to be fucking sketchy but he needs to stop bc i need him around bc he loves me!!! At least for now But nick is suspicious of him which isnt good bc dennis/chris/kage want an alliance with me and andreas lol its so funny!!! Its like these ppl dont know andreas and I are close The only ppl that might know are ricky and malik bc we were in a final3 with him in a fb bb org like a year ago but we shall see!!!

I'm not sure where I left off on my last confessional so forgive me if some of this is repeated. CHEATHAM went home in a 7-3 vote. I know that CHEATHAM and myself both voted for NED but I have no idea who the third vote for him was and no one has admitted to it. But that's alright. I spoke with NED and we have a bit of a shaky alliance together now, He won't throw out a name of who he'd like to vote out next and I haven't committed to a name but he has said he'd like to work together going forward which is nice to have. I still have the McBITCHES alliance consisting of me, OLIVIA, SHARIFA, TRENT and MALIK. I also have the TEA SLUTS alliance of MALIK, BIRCH and myself. I would however like to find a way to create an alliance with JAKE and KURT. Both of them are pretty awesome and I would definitely want to work with them going forward but I haven't had the chance to get anything going yet. I'm praying we win this next immunity challenge so I don't have to worry about another tribal council. I really don't know who I would vote off if it came to it. Sitting here thinking about it, I think it would be between BIRCH and NED. NED has still been relatively inactive compared to the rest of the tribe. And as much as I like BIRCH, they are a little difficult to get an actual conversation out of. Also, I just want to give major props and thanks to SHARIFA. I can definitely see why she's won twice. I expressed a discomfort at doing the beauty portion of the immunity challenge and she immediately offered to take that spot and let me do the brains portion of the challenge. I want to offer a huge apology to her if we do lose the challenge because of me. She went out of her way to help me out even knowing she would be an asset in the brains portion.

Okay so we survived the first tribal ladies! Tbh I kind of liked Cheatham but he was flopping so I wasn't about to risk anything for him. I think I'm starting to make connections on the tribe with good people. I have my alliance with Ned, but I've been talking to Sharifa and Kurt more and I just connect with them way more than anyone else on the tribe. I know they're villains and apparently kind of infamous... but I'd rather play with crackheads then some bland ass people. I've talked to Malik decently enough but I think he's starting to annoy people, the challenge discussion where he refused to do anything but brains didn't sit well with Sharifa or Kurt, and idk how others felt. I called with Kurt and he spilled the tea that Trent and Olivia are allies and tricked him into voting Ned last round, so um shady of them, also a target that isn't me, so ... mwah. I've talked to Trent a decent amount but barely to Olivia so I'm going to tread lightly. And It's so hard for me to have conversations with Keegan and Birch, I just don't mesh well with them personally. Others have expressed the same thing so I'm not super worried, but it just gives me a reason to not want to play with them if we have to vote more people out. Still hoping to make a tribe swap with Nicklas definitely. And maybe Sarah, not sure if she's gonna gun for me after our last game LOL.

Eitherway, that alliance was created and while I like the members individually. One of my past mistakes that has kept me from making deeper connections with people in the later parts of the game was, that I kept these alliances secret from people I have a good feeling about. So I told Nicklas about that chat, in hopes that that will make him closer of an ally to me moving forward. From what I've been hearing atm. It will probably between Ricky or Emma if we go to tribal, since both seem a bit inactive, but I am not going to be one to make a proper move and will probably just go along with whatever is getting suggested.

OH there’s been some stuff going on!! Firstly, Kage created an alliance of me him Sarah Dennis and Chris and honestly I’m vibing with it More importantly I caught miss Ricky in a bit of an awkward situation.. i messaged Ricky and Emma separately my idol guesses at the same time and Ricky didn’t answer but Emma did saying how she was waiting for the hosts .... and then cake back to complain to me 10 minute stuff later saying she had been left on read but they replied to Ricky...... so she had been chatting with Ricky about the idol guesses and he was telling her more then he was telling me. He also lied to me about the idol guess he said because he added an extra step on to it but then Sarah searched where he said he did and what he said was wrong.... oh Ricky and to think I thought I could trust you.... MESS. Anyways, I hope we win again

The other tribe giving me another chance hell yeah! Talking to Lukas he is my new fav person I love him so much.

Honestly, as sad as Im feeling, I have to say I expected this. When it was taking so long to have who is doing what until today, we kind of deserved to lose.

Mystery Inc was officially made and with Emma going, hope it means we can all vote together. It unfortunately leaves Lukas, Niklas, Ricky, and Matt. I'd probably prefer it not be Matt or Ricky for now, but lets see how this goes for tomorrow

I tried to get Lukas to thema but no luck. I hope he’s doing well and doesn’t need it anyways :P Would die for sharifa V annoyed with Malik these past few days but idk if it’s totally the right move to vote him out if we go to tribal again I hope I didn’t sketch trent out by saying I wanted Lukas immune I feel like I sketched him out or made him not trust me as much, hard to say. I want us in the f3 I also want sharifa there 😭 really love her and our friendship is so genuine like gahdamn. But she’s won twice and got 2nd place another time it’s not hard to see why, she’s so wonderful. Trent is my #1 tho. I hope he knows just how committed I am to us and I feel like I’m not doing a good enough job showing that. That, or he’s just very paranoid and passing that along to me. Or both. I feel bad lying to sharifa about my trust with Trent but it’s not totally a lie and not totally the truth. Oh whell. Connecting with Kurt and have a cute 3 person chat with him and sharifa. Can maybe replace malik with Kurt if need be but Kurt is super dangerous unlike malik. It’s like when we had to decide between Ryan Valentin and Julian in Mykonos. We knew Ryan would betray us in the future without a doubt but we chose him anyways because he would be way more beneficial the next few rounds. All that came true. If we had stuck with Julian who was more emotional and less tactical and also less of a threat (no offense) I don’t think any of us would’ve lasted so it’s like you just gotta be strategic about it I guess. Keegan is there. Looks like birch will be an easy vote if we go to tribal. Where’s Jake???? I’m doing so bad talking to him smh Ned got way too paranoid about having some votes last round he’s like lex from Africa. It weirded trent and I out a bit and he dropped a little in my trust, but knowing how much he trusts me is good and I gotta keep him close to me. I’m a lil worried because he said he’s friends with Sara and Andreas on the other side. Still love him tho, gotta call him more bc he always wants to do that. I wonder how Dennis is doing.

Just a quick update because not much has been going on lately. We just won immunity which feels great, and is a feeling i barely felt in Indonesia since I went to every tribal except 2 then. Still working on trying to talk to Jake but we still have just basic conversations, then one of use forgets to reply to the other, and then it goes hours before we talk again. Still no game talk. I'm feeling pretty good about everybody else so far and feel like I'm trusted by most people. Really hoping there isn't a swap soon, or if there is i get to be on a tribe where we are majority, or at least i get to work with the people i trust the most (olivia, Sharifa, Kurt)

Our tribe lost immunity, which was not what I wanted. Overall, I think I’m decently positioned where I doubt I’ll be targeted early on. As of right now, I had my five person alliance which I’m gonna put my faith in for the time being. Sarah texted me last night requesting I put my insta on private as there’s pictures of us together IRL on it. I thought that was weird so I’m assuming something happened. I’m waiting for her reply. Also, Emma got sent to the Thera which means she’s safe from tribal. My original plan was to target Emma but clearly that’s not going to happen, so maybe her BFF Ricky has to go instead. I really wanted to work with him this season but clearly that’s not happening judging off his behaviour and how he’s speaking to me. He probably wanted to make me feel comfortable so he could pull a fast one over me.

*Andreas contemplates life*

You know, this seasons twist got me thinking and one thing thats wild is that being a hero or villain is all perspective and at the end of the day we are all the heroes to our own stories.

Me: *Knows that Andreas and Sarah are kind of close * Also me: *Tells Andreas I like Sarah's vibe* So that they both think I wanna work with them even tho I have barely talked to Sarah so far. Andreas was asking about Idol stuff earlier and I said "Maybe we create a group that shares info to help find it". And was hoping he'd bring up Sarah but he didn't. BUT Sarah then messaged me later about idol stuff *out of no where*. I could tell that it was likely Andreas telling her to talk to me. Even if not tho, I decided I'd go to Andreas and make it look like it was just a coincidence and that I think it was perfect timing. That way I can create a group with him and Sarah. Let them think they're manipulating me by taking the credit for the idea and having them be like "Oh yeah I agree. She IS cool". And making it seem like I have no idea that they are close when in all actuality, I'm just trying to use a duo to save me later in the game. On the other side, I still trust Dennis and Chris the most. And Lukas messaged me today about looking like we have the least connection and should team up. And I've been getting along with Matt. So now the only people I'm not really with are Kage, Ricky, and Emma. Unfortunately Emma's just been very MIA

SOOOO NOWWWW everyone wants to go after Trent and Olivia because I blew up their game. Which is good in regards to wanting to neuter any trust the others have with Trent and Olivia, it’s bad in that now everyone wants to vote them out. That’s not good for my game, because I have a good relationship with Olivia, and Trent might be a dangerous player, but he’s a predictable player. He’s like Bruno from Big Brother Canada, really strategic and by the book, and BECAUSE he’s by the book, I know what move he’s going to make, before he makes it. That for me is less dangerous than someone like Birch, who I have ZERO idea what they are thinking, where they stand, or how they are playing???? So now I’ve started operation get Birch the fuck out. WHY you ask? They are the only person I’m not aligned with in some capacity and if Challengers vs Champions taught me anything, it’s that I need as many relationships going into swap/merge as I can get. So now I have to convince the raging hoard that is Ned, Jake and Malik, to go after literally the smallest target on our tribe. This move only really benefits me, because I’m keeping bigger targets around, because IM A BIG TARGET. I need these other threats around because If I’m the only target, then who is everyone going to shoot at??? So with that said after I spilled the tea to Ned, he went to Malik with EVERYTHING I said and I had to talk Malik off the ledge of going after Trent and Olivia and targeting Birch instead. It was almost too easy to convince him?? Like Malik REALLY needs to get out Trolivia because they are targeting him BAD and he knows it now. But I think I put him in the mindset I need him to be in, same with Ned, same with Jake, I EVEN GOT OLIVIA ON BOARD! So now Birch is the target THANK GOD. To set everything in stone, Kurt and I formed the Hydra alliance with Ned and Jake. The Hyrdra is a multi headed dragon in greek mythology and I kind of love that because I feel like all four of us are smart level headed players, who like a little bit of chaos. I actually feel really good about this group in a way I never had about an alliance before. Kurt and Ned are my number 1 and 2, and I do really like Jake. I just don’t know if I can TRUST Jake the way I can the other 2. He’s clearly a smart player, we have a similar record, and he’s a villain for a reason. It very well could have been a mistake to align with him and tell him about the McBitches alliance. I took a risk, we’ll see how it plays out. I was VERY adamant about Malik not being in the alliance, and just using him as number. It’s funny because I LOVED Malik at the start of the game….NOW I’m counting the days off until he leaves. He makes all the guys really uncomfortable, flirting with Kurt and Jake despite knowing they have boyfriends, flirting with Ned despite knowing he’s straight. And with me, he mansplains to me CONSTANTLY. SIS IM A THREE TIME FINALIST SIT THE FUCK DOWN. God it pisses me off...so you flirt with all the guys, and mansplain to all the girls??? You’re that bitch I didn’t know you were. It just sucks because I was so excited to play with another queer poc, but that dream has turned into a nightmare. Unfortunately it doesn’t make sense to go after him yet, because we need him as a number. Sometimes I really wish I played this game personally. With all the hard game play going around, and petty drama, Kurt and I had a really big talk last night. You know those moments on the show, where two minorities walk off and talk about their lives in detail with a sad yet heroic underscore? Yeah we did that. He never asked me about transitioning but I opened up completely because I wanted to. He was so warm, and kind, and we shared our loyalties to each other. If he’s playing me, he’s doing it well, because I have his back unwaveringly. I’m playing for us at this point, and there is no one else I would rather be in this insane game with. #ShartIsReal :')

Okay so right now it seems that all eyes are on Ricky. He is never around for chatting so people are worried about that... But then Kage comes to me and says he'd prefer Lukas going.... and you see I don't want that. Nope not today. I would rather Ricky go based upon the fact he has been lying to me so many times this season already and I have caught him.... GODT. I am being so fake with him rn now and I hate it ugh

So with Emma gone I have rechecked my chats and it seems Lukas/Nicklas arent as inactive as I thought, though we might've lucked out in them wanting Ricky. I like the guy, but I do want to put Mystery Inc as a priority, especially Kage so if it is better for us to vote Ricky, then that's just the way it is, but it feels too easy almost?

I still have my eyes on Trent and Olivia. Sharifa told me the other day that they had been talking about me because of the beauty situation and she did a bit too, we talked about it and made up about it. I had been suspicious with Trent and Olivia from day two when I noticed pattens with them, I told Kurt about it and he agreed with it. Then that same other night, Ned confided in me that Trent and Olivia made a group with him, but they seemed stuck between voting him and Cheatham out the first round..? Make it make sense. Sharifa is also in a group with Trent and Olivia so to me that cake down to the fact that those two are trying to run the whole tribe and they’re running around lying and talking about certain people but then acting like they’re their best friends. So I have my eyes on them both. And it’s noticeable that they don’t talk really to me or in the alliance chat..CAN YOU BE EVEN MORE TRANSPARENT LMAOO it’s fine because the second we lose, we’re going to weaken their side, with my group that’s coming up..be ready for me, Sharifa, Kurt, Jake and Ned coming up soon..

However I did talk to the tribe about what Sharifa let me know about the BBB challenge and it had nagged at me and I felt I found the perfect opportunity to bring it up during the “clock” mishap. So I’m glad I could bring it out then.

I'm about to sound like a douche but something that did bother me a little was the perspective that Matt was forced into cups. I think it may be my own fault for not vocalizing it more, but I did offer beforehand to do cups and that I had them if nobody else wanted to. Like I'll admit I don't know how I would've done, but I also don't want to be make it seem like Matt was the ONLY one who could do cups. Its a silly nitpick from me and I feel like I am being a bit mean but I figure it helps venting instead of keeping it in.

Pls someone out there help me cast a protection circle over Lukas

i’m stuck at work and i’m tired and i don’t want to vote anyone out because i like them all and NO ONE EVEN KNOWS WHAT THE FUCKING VOTE IS I HATE THIS FUCKING GAME.

Okay so like...... tribal is tonight and I’m nervous! Tbh the only reason to vote me out is that I have Olivia on the other side, but the tea is that EVERYONE on this wretched tribe has like 27 pre-game connections so idk why my 1 connection would make them tweak. On that subject- is there like a twist this season where 9 people who already know one another were collected and put on a tribe with some rando (me)?? That’s how it feels. Anyway, the plan is Ricky. Which makes me sad bc I love Ricky. However, It could be me...? Idk. I’d be fine w first boot if it’s at the hands of a group that’s playing on the basis of preexisting relationships

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I just told Trent that I to much and am known for people getting mad at me for it. why the hell did i just do that.

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