#i’m so smooth doctor oaks no one will ever guess huehuehuehuehue

[transcendence-au]

I don't know if this is already a thing, but I think it's really funny to imagine Alcor over the years just going "fuck it" and at various points in time just trying out various random careers because he got bored, wanted to fuck with people, and had nothing else to do. Every attempt is equally bizarre for everyone involved.

At some point, there's a hospital somewhere that has this doctor, "Dr. Oaks", who the rest of the staff are all vaguely terrified of. No one knows quite what his deal is. Several members of staff swear to have seen him licking the blood off of scalpels after a procedure when he thought no one else was looking, and one other that swears on her life that he then went on to *eat* the scalpel.

Now, this would normally be a massive heath violation... however... Dr. Oaks is the most successful Doctor in the entire hospital. Like, weirdly successful. Like, unnaturally, magically, successful. The other day they had a patient come in for a heart operation. Afterwards, they found out that he had somehow been cured of his cancer. Another patient had a few of their adult teeth knocked out, but when they did an X-ray, they found that they had *another* set of teeth growing in to replace them. All the cases are absolutely bizarre and defy all logic, but the one thing that connects them is that they are all under Dr. Oaks.

The hospital can't fire him. He's the only doctor they have with a 500% success rate: curing you of your ailment and 4 others you didn't know you had. Nobody believes he's human anymore. But they don't ask. They have the best hospital in their entire state and they intend to have Dr. Oaks around to keep it that way.

this is absolutely amazing