#i'll delete this later i just need to cry for awhile

[asshlyyyy]

Expiration Date (Austin!Elvis x Reader)

If you thought The Inbetween was sad... just you buckle in. I got this request awhile back, and I think I deleted the ask. It was probably from an anon... but if it wasn’t let me know! I don’t think I replied to it... I literary just have a screenshot on my phone. 

I highly suggest listening to the song I have listed. I was listening to this while thinking of this fic and everything clicked inside of me... Um... if I make you cry, I probably cried. I was inspired by this song, so I do strongly suggest listening to it. Especially the point, “Love, I see you now.”

Request by @auranightangle, check out the original ask below!

Masterlist

Pairing: Austin!Elvis x Fem!reader

Warnings: Swearing, Sadness, Death, Funeral Mentioned, Prepare to Cry, Spelling and Grammatical Errors Most Likely.

Word Count: 4.8k

Song: Underground by Cody Fry

You sucked in a breath as Elvis made his way over to you. Your eyes had already started to leak the moment he walked out with bags in his hands. His freshly cut hair... the new uniform he wore. It all brought you through so many emotions... mostly sadness, but... you tried so hard to be brave and happy. You just couldn't. It was impossible to feel such a thing when the love of your life was about to go off to war. 

Now, the two of you weren't romantically involved... Oh no no no. Ever since the Colonel told him he couldn't date anyone... any thoughts of a relationship with Elvis were out the door. That didn't mean that you pushed away those feelings. Nothing can ever take over what you felt for Elvis. The man who swept you off your feet and took you away from your controlling uncle. The man who, you would even go so far as to say, saved your life. 

"Y/n," your name rolled off of his tongue. You put on a brave face and smiled as you looked up at him. His blue eyes held a glossy look, as did yours. 

"Elvis," you said softly. Elvis smacked his lips together and pressed his hands into his pants.

"'m gonna miss ya, darlin'." He smiled softly. 

"I'm going to miss you too," you sucked in a breath to compete against the tears. It was no use, you knew the moment he got into the car and drove away... it would be flood works for you. Nothing could stop that from happening. 

"Come 'ere," he said as he pulled you close. His arms brought you a sense of comfort, but it's what caused you to be pushed over the edge. You let out a sob and wrapped your own arms around his waist. Your face was pressed against his chest, his top acting as a rag for absorbing your tears.

"I'm really gonna miss you, Elvis..." 

"I know I know... 'm gonna miss you too. Really... I-I'll try to call ya?" He looked down at you. You nodded and sniffled as you pulled away.

"You better," you pushed his shoulder lightly as you let out a small gentle laugh. He smiled and nodded as he went back to his parents. He gave them both one last hug and picked up his bags. He entered the car and soon drove off. You wrapped your arms around yourself and tried to calm yourself down. You tried to contain your tears, but at this point, you were ugly crying.

"Bye," you whispered out as the car pushed past the gates. You didn't stay too long afterward. You gave his parents a hug and soon you were on your way. You made your way down to the drugstore to make a big splurge on envelopes. Were you going to do the cliche write letters every day he's gone? One hundred percent. Were you going to actually send them? That was something for later you to decide.

After you picked up all the supplies you needed, you made your way back to your cozy little apartment. It was something you were able to afford thanks to Elvis' help. You didn't exactly like him paying for it... but he wanted you to focus on your writing. You wanted to be a writer... it got a little hard sometimes though when you were starved for ideas... but you had an idea.

Letter 001 Dear Elvis, It may have only been a day since you left, but everything has changed. I went over to your place today and the air was thick with sadness. Your mama sat in the dining room with a beer in her hand. I tried to tell her to get rid of it, but she didn't want to listen to me. I couldn't stay there long. I just knew at some point your mama would end up snapping at me for saying the wrong thing. The day was nothing special. I spent most of my time at home reading a book and whatnot. It truly isn't the same without. I feel like I am not outside as much... I say as it's only been one day. Wow, Y/n. Calm down there. You're acting like it's been a year. You won't be gone for that long though... right? Anyways, I finished that book you recommended to me! It was great honestly. I wasn't expecting it to be that good. Not to hate on your book taste or anything... Here's a book for you to read. It's called Breakfast at Tiffany's. It's quite an interesting one! I can't wait for that phone call. I just know hearing your voice would lift up my spirits. Sorry, this was so long... Hopefully, they will get longer. With love, Y/n <3

Letter 057 Dear Elvis, It's crazy that we're almost at sixty letters! Sure... that means sixty letters I haven't sent out... I'm sure one day I'll have the courage to give you these letters. I do have some news. I have been working on a song. I know right? A songwriter? Me!? Pleaseeee. I can barely finish the book I'm writing. It's a song called Underground. I am a bit upset that I haven't received a call yet. No harm against it! I'm sure you are busy with training...I just really miss you, Elvis. And it just sucks because when you're in love with someone... It hurts more when they are away for a long time. I know it's barely been two months... But when you hardly leave the house... it drags on. I got another book recommendation for you! This might be a children's book? But I absolutely loved it! It's cute and I of course cried. It's called, A Bear called Paddington! I'm excited to see how many books I can read while you're away. Not to mention the list I can create for you! I do have some bad news. My uncle called... He is still upset about the whole... thing... Says he wants me to come live with him in Nashville. Of course, I'm not going. Why would I want to be back in that situation? Anyways, I'm sure nothing will happen. If it does, You will definitely find out. With love, Y/n <3 

Letter 105 Dear Elvis, My song is almost done. By almost I mean... the lyrics. I wouldn't even know where to go for the musical instruments parts. Sure, I could see what they got at Sun Records... but I am imagining a whole orchestra. Don't know how to get one of those... Well, that's a problem for later me. Do you remember your first night at the Hayride? I do... I remember running into you as I was rushing to catch the end of Jimmie's song. You might've been a nervous wreck, but I was in a scared state. Not to mention I had to go on after you! I was practically kicked off the stage when the girls screamed for you! I have never been so embarrassed in my life ~

"Bring out Elvis!" Girls screamed as the curtains reopened and you were standing there.

"We want Elvis!" Another girl screamed out.

"Get her off the stage!"

"Elvis! Elvis! Elvis!" People started to chant.

You felt like you were about to cry. Well... you did cry. You remembered hurrying off the stage to only meet with your Uncle's disappointed stare. It's like he was blaming you for not being able to perform. How was it your fault that you had to follow up an amazing act! It didn't matter how wonderful or terrible you did. Hank found something to be mad at you about. 

"What was that?" He pointed past you, towards the stage where the curtains were once again closing.

"What was what? There was nothing to be done. No one was going to listen." You pointed out to him as you wiped away your tears. The last thing you wanted to do was cry in front of this idiot guy.

"That don't matter, you still go out there and perform!" He raised his voice at you. You shook your head and walked away. There was no way you were going to sit through a lecture that you didn't deserve. Not to mention, you rather not stand out on stage and perform for a group of people who just wanted to hear more of the Elvis lad. 

"Don't you walk away from me, you shouldn-"

"Excuse me sir, but you shouldn’ be yelling at her for something I caused." You turned at the new voice and that's where you saw the guy who just sent the whole crowd into a pool of water. Of course, you knew his name, you were pretty sure everyone knew his name now.

"Who do you think you are? Doing those... those inappropriate moves. I outta have you thrown out of here." Hank threatened him. Hank was the headliner of these things and everyone just followed afterward. You were sure that he could get Elvis removed if he really wanted to… but he needs someone to pull in the younger audiences.

"Leave him alone, Hank. He ain't did nothing to you." You said as you grabbed Elvis’ wrist and pulled him away and outside the building. After you guys were away from the building you let out a sigh and pulled your hand away.

"I'm sorry bout him..." you said softly and looked up towards his face. His blue eyes were piercing, yet mysterious and dark st the same time. 

"It's fine, is he your... father?" He asked. You started to shake your head from side to side.

"Oh hell no," you laughed gently, "he's my uncle. He's taking care of me."

"Jeez, I'm sorry." You let out another laugh and shook your head.

"You're funny. I'm Y/n," you held your hand out to him.

"'m Elvis." He responded and met your hand with his. A quick handshake and the two of you were talking for hours. It’s like you two had so much to say but didn’t have enough time to say it all.

“I wish I was able to hear ya sing. I bet ya sound amazing,” Elvis complimented. You let out a light chuckle and shook your head.

“I was forced into singing by Hank. While it’s fun, he makes it hard to enjoy it sometimes.” You confessed as you let out a sigh. Elvis frowned slightly and reached over for your hand.

“Hey, don’ let him force ya into doing somethin’ ya don’ want to do.” He said. You nodded slowly. He was right, and you did that to yourself as well.

“I want to write. I want to write a book.” You told him with a small smile. Elvis smiled and gave your hand a squeeze.

“Then write. I bet you’ll be a best-selling author.” You blushed at his kind words and shook your head.

“Oh please~”

Letter 276 Dear Elvis, Do you know what today is? If you don't, it's Christmas. Our first Christmas without each other. I still remember our first Christmas like it was yesterday. We were still so young, well... as young as teenagers can be. It was a nice change of pace after your career started to jump. It was like one thing after another, but this was a time for us. A time for us to calm down and celebrate the birth of Jesus. You were so excited because it was the first time you could get everyone gifts, ones that you could afford that they wanted. You were so happy.The way you woke up like a little child. I remember you begged me to stay with you the night before. You were shaking me awake at six in the morning. No no, you didn't want to open gifts. You wanted people to open the gifts you got them. It brings me to tears every time I think about it. I still have the gift you gave me. I wear it every single day. I refuse to take it off in fear I'll lose it… and the presence of yourself. You refused to tell me how much you spent on it, but I could only imagine it was a lot. So, if I were to lose it I wouldn't be able to afford a new one... and I would have to wait until you get back. Not that I would admit that I lost it... because I know you would just laugh and not let me forget about it. These letters and this necklace are the only things keeping me sane during these times without you. Oh! My song is done! I included the lyrics on the back of this page in case you wanted to read it... I just have to find someone to let me record it... and then hopefully somewhere I can sing it. Who knows how long that will take. I will of course keep you posted. With love, Y/n <3

Letter 365 Dear Elvis, Wow... A whole year... A whole year and no contact... No phone call... no nothing. It's like you forgot about me... No no... No no... you didn't forget, right? My uncle says he is coming to get me tomorrow... How true will that be... I don't know, but god I hope he doesn't. If that's so, these letters will stay here. I will find a way to come back if he takes me. I will keep my letters here. Just in case you come looking for me here, you will find my letters. I have just accepted that the only way you will see these is if I hand deliver them, or if you find them.If I cannot come back, my friend will bring them here. She will make sure that everything I write will be left here in my apartment for you to find. They are all for you anyways… Including my book. You know how I started it a bit after we met? It's about our friendship, our relationship that could've been. Hence the title. Hopefully, I'll get this published, but god, if I can't even find someone to publish my song... how will I find someone to publish a whole-ass book? Plus, would it even sell well? Would people even like it?God, now I'm sounding like you. I remember when you told me you were afraid to put out your first song. Afraid no one would like it and now look at you. A famous singer. Maybe I can be a famous writer. Writing books left and right. That's the life I want. I want to be able to sit at home and write future books with a family. Married to my husband... whom I imagine would be you. I also imagine us having two little kids. A boy and a girl. The boy would be older of course so that he can look out after his little sister. With love, Y/n <3 

Letter 468 Dear Elvis, As you know... I'm in Nashville. Hank won't even let me leave the house for fear I would run away. Which I totally would. I have been giving my letters to my friend, so she's been stopping by to drop them off at my apartment. Which is still left in shambles. I told her to leave it like that after I was forcefully removed from my apartment. I still have the bruises. Which is ridiculous considering it's been well over a hundred days. I want my apartment to be untouched because I know you will want to know what happened. Gotta leave up that mystery.Anyways, update on my book... It's practically done. I have to go through the whole thing again and fix some things, but for the most part, it is completely finished! Since I can't leave the house, I am unable to record my song, which is slowly starting to drive me insane. I can't even open a fucking window! I mean how completely ridiculous is that? Jimmie shows up occasionally, but he's out living his own life. I tried to get him to let me out, but... Hank is always there. Some protective guardian he is. I am over twenty years old and he thinks he can still baby me!My parents died decades ago! I can easily take care of myself. I had my own apartment... sure I wasn't paying for it, but I was on my own. I was perfectly fine, and then this fucker decides to show back up. I should sue him for kidnapping me. Well... Now that I'm thinking about it... that sounds kind of nice. I probably won't… but the image of him in jail would be nice. With love, Y/n <3 

Letter 713 Dear Elvis, Welcome home. I'm glad to see that you are home alive and well. I wish I was there... God... I know it would've been just as emotional as it was the day you left... What I would give to just be able to hug you again. To be able to look into those goddamn breathtaking eyes. I would give an arm and a leg. I would do anything just to see you again. Hell, to even hear your voice again. I know the day will come when we can see each other again. I just hope it's... real soon. I need to see you again. I need to be saved.Elvis... you wouldn't forget me, right?You wouldn't just not look for me? You wouldn't just not call me or show up at my apartment... right? If you get to my apartment and open my letters, you will be able to find me. Please lord... Please please please God... please... I just want to be free. I want to be away from this place, I want to go home... I... I want to be with Elvis again. And I know I pray to you every night to make sure Elvis is protected... but now i want to be with him. With love, Y/n <3

"Oh- and there's this," The colonel said as he handed Elvis an envelope. Elvis looked at it confused but nonetheless took it out of his hand. He opened it with ease and peered in seeing a bunch of cash within it. He pulled it out and looked at the Colonel confused. Why was he just given a wad of cash from an envelope? 

"What's this?" Elvis asked confused as he looked at the Colonel. 

"It's your deposit from that unit you were renting. The tenet died so." The colonel shrugged. Elvis was renting out a unit? Since wh- wait- wait... Elvis shook his head and thought back. He was renting a unit... It was an apartment for Y/n. But- wait- what- wait...

"Y/n?" Elvis asked just to double-check. If it was Y/n, that meant she... that meant she...

"If that's her name... sure," the Colonel shrugged as if it was nothing.

"Wait- you said the tenet died? Y/n's dead?" Elvis couldn't believe it. Not only did he forget about his friend, and love, she was dead. How could she be dead? She was so young and had so much life ahead of her still.

"Yeah, they handed me this awhile ago and said you had till Thursday to clean it out or it would all get thrown away or sold." He explained in return.

"Today's Thursday!" Elvis shook his head at his unreliable manager, and he pushed past him to leave his residence. Driving down to the housing unit where you were living in, he parked on the side and rushed in. He knew the way to your unit like it was routine. He knew where you hid the spare key... he knew everything. As he walked it... it looked like a mess... like you were struggling. It's like you were kidnapped?! No no... you couldn't have been kidnapped. The door would've been tampered with. Well.. unless they used the windows. But you were on the third floor...

Elvis walked around and started to pick up some of your belongings. That's when he noticed a box shoved into the middle of the ground. On top of the box in big bold letters was his name. He picked it up and sat down on the couch before he pulled off the top. Inside he saw many envelopes and on top, he saw a hardcovered notebook. He picked it up in his hands and opened it up.

Forbidden Love...I dedicate this book to my best friend, and love of my life... Elvis Presley.

"She finished it?" He mumbled to himself and flipped through the pages. He spotted your cursive handwriting on every single page. It didn't seem to end. Well… in the sense that It wasn’t a short novel. No no, it was long. You clearly spent a bunch of time on this book. As he did sadly... reach the end of the story he paused. There was writing in the middle of the page.

I will forever and always love you more than a friend.

Did you love him? Did you really love him? Of course, he loved you too, but he just thought... He didn't... he thought you didn't even like him like that, let alone love him. He placed the notebook off to the side and reached into the box once again and pulled out an envelope. It was addressed to him... how was it that he somehow grabbed the one addressed to him. He was about to open it but then he saw a number on it. Were all these letters addressed to him?

He went to pull another one and sure enough, his name was printed in that beautiful cursive. He let out a breath and searched for the letter number one. Which... weirdly enough took a long time. There were hundreds of letters, it would take him days to read all these, and your story... He would do it though. He pushed the stuff back into the box and moved it over to the door to take with him back home. 

He went through the rest of the apartment and grabbed the things he wanted to keep and put the rest on the other side to be given away to those who need them. He would make sure of it. He took one last lap around the apartment and stopped as his eyes caught a photo on your bedside table. How did he miss this? He picked it up and looked at the picture of the two of you back in the fifties. He smiled and felt his eyes start to water up. 

He couldn't believe that... he couldn't believe you were actually gone... nonetheless he couldn't believe that he forgot you. Goddamn, Elvis! How could you forget her?? How could you forever about the girl you love... the girl he was in love with? M-maybe it was because he met Priscilla... or maybe it was the fact that the Colonel had him working back to back on these movies.

Elvis got to his car and packed the things into his back seat and drove back home. He knew he didn't want to be bothered he- when even was the funeral? Did he miss it? Wh-where was your asshole of an uncle? Where- Something wasn't right... There had to be something... some kind of message in the letters... or even the book.

As he got back home he took the boxes up to his room and closed the door. He kicked off his shoes and hung up his coat and got down to the ground. He opened the box and took the notebook out and placed it on his bedside table before he dumped the whole contents in the box to organize. At first, he wanted to organize the letters by days of tens... but it just kept piling and piling... 

There were damn near a thousand letters. Sure, he looked at all the numbers, but he gave up at one point. It took him hours just to organize that he had to move into a separate room to lay everything out. It was covering his whole floor almost. However, he read every single one of them and moved them to different boxes. He labeled each box for so many days. He was able to fit a bunch into these boxes, but he wanted to keep them organized... in case he wanted to come back. He always had a box filled with his favorite letters

He read every single letter. It surprisingly only took him one full day. He was thankful for the one front-page letter. It wasn't too much, and it wasn't too little. It was just right. Well, that was until he got to the last one. The very last one... It just sucked that these didn't have dates on them, they were just numbered... He was sure he would probably figure it out, considering the first one started a day after he left... The last letter broke his heart.

Letter 913 Dear Elvis, I am performing my song today. After fighting with my uncle for the longest time, I got myself a place to perform. It is a small club... Like Club Handy, but for the less fun white folks. Still, it's quite a popular place... You may know the name of it. It's called Euphoria. While I don't want to become a singer, being able to earn some extra money to move back by myself would be amazing.It's been absolute hell since Hank took me. Which you already know since I've been complaining about it the whole time. But... I want my old apartment back... I want to be back in Memphis... I miss you... I miss my apartment... I miss us hanging out... I just miss it all. That.. Let's push away those sad feelings because... I'm singing today! God... I wish you could be there.After the show, I'm going to one of our favorite places to eat. It's a fair bit away from where I am, but it's going to be worth it. It's for a celebration! I do wish you could be there... One day we'll meet again, I just know it. I just hope it's soon because I want to show you my book! Gosh, everything seems to be happening all at once. First I finish my song, then my book, and now I'm performing my song I mean! Nothing could go wrong... I would love to stay and keep talking your ear off... But I have to go. I'll find you soon Elvis, or maybe you will find me... we'll have to see. Oh! Also, I heard about the new movie! Looks really interesting! I'll have to go see it at the drive-in or the cinema when it comes out. You always said you wanted to be like James Dean. Even in your first few movies, you were amazing. I bet this will be no different. I know I've talked about my feelings before in these letters, but I just wanted to say that I love you. No matter where you are, I will love you. Ever since I met you I loved you. Your mama may have not been my biggest fan of myself, but she would've liked how I loved you. I just know you're making your mama proud, Elvis. With love, Y/n <3

A droplet of water fell onto the page and Elvis wiped away the tears that had begun to crowd his eyes a few letters ago, but finally started to fall. That had to be it... you went to sing your song... did a beautiful job and went to your guy's favorite place to eat... He knew of Euphoria... it was an hour's drive away from the restaurant. You got in a car crash and it was fetal. How long ago was it? Well... if he had to guess... a week or so ago. Which meant- He needed to call Hank. He... he needed to be at that funeral cause... he fucked up. If he went to her the moment he got back... she would still be here.

Elvis was fully blaming himself. Not only for forgetting his friend, best friend, love of his life... his whole other half... he surely caused her death because he was gone. The best he could do is remember her name. Get her book published and get her song out there because that's what she should've wanted. Well... she would've wanted him to hear it. Elvis wants the world the know about the girl he fell in love with, and missed his opportunity. One that he doesn't want anyone else to miss, because before you know it... they're gone. 

And I heard, "whoo" Then a light broke through the black I was standing on a track That little light began to grow There was no where I could go And the ground began to shake No time left to hit the brake That little light was closing in And suddenly, I'm floating ~ Love, I see you now You found me here Underground

At the end of the song, there are the lyrics “Love, I see you now.” I imagined this to be the moment when she’s six feet under... and she see’s Elvis once again. It is the moment that she’s been wanting to be in since he left, and now she gets to see him again.

I kind of just imagined this whole song of her wanting to see him again, and before the “Love, I see you now.” She basically foreshadowed her whole death. The lyrics I mentioned at the end... You could just imagined it for yourself. But, It’s basically... I imagine maybe she was distracted or upset because she wanted to see Elvis so badly... that when that light came in (aka the headlights of the car) it was too late, and she was gone.

Original ask: “So a wut about Austin!elvis x reader where he had met reader before going to army or meeting Priscilla and reader was the niece of hank snow so they used to meet secretly but when hank found out he took her away from him back to the reader hometown so after years of meeting Priscilla and growing feelings for her elvis gets a news from Tom that Reader has expired because of a car accident? And he goes to see the funeral and remembers all the old times? And regrets leaving reader?”

Want to join my taglist? // Let me know If I spelt any wrong! I have updated my form for my taglist. You will be tagged under everything now in that selected fandom/person. Just makes my life easier.

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[c3m3terygirl]

This was originally posted on reddit by someone whom we are still trying to learn, but they have deleted their account. But the post was able to be archived, and we decided to put it on a few different platforms.

Hi. I feel i should be able to talk about this. Because it's been eating me alive for, well, since awhile. Or since this actually started.

Let's start with when this all kinda started. I was born in a small town in the 70s. Think there weren't even 4,000 people living there, and everyone knew everyone. That's kinda how I knew Samantha. She was a year older than me, and our moms were friends, so we had to hang out. She was shy but sweet.

I remember when we first met, she was hiding behind her mom like a shy puppy meeting a stranger. But we soon became friends. Always playing in one of our front yards. Or we would get our mothers to take us to the public pool and would play silly games. In the winter drink hot coco and watch movies. We grew up together.

It was I think 1986 when this all started. Maybe mid to late September. We were in high school. I was 16, and she was 17. I remember this day so clearly. We had just left our homes for school. Talking about whatever teenage girls do back then. I remember sam wore a turtle neck, her mother got her, and some dark blue jeans with white sneakers. Her dark hair up in a side pony.

As we walked and talked, she told me about the "hot date" she was gonna have with Micheal Adam (i think that's what his name was). Some jock who she liked. When we got to school, I remember waving bye while walking to my class. I remember being confused on why she wasn't at lunch or why she didn't walk home with me. I remember hearing my mom calling hers on the kitchen phone. But some other things are blurry. Like her mother putting up the missing posters. Or the police asking me things. Her mom crying to mine in our kitchen.

Now fast forward to now. Years later. I'm married. Have kids. A job. A life. Haven't even thought about her. Samantha Harold. A cold case. Well, it was.  I was sitting at home watching TV. Clicking through channels when I saw something that i never expected.

There she was. My best friend. Samantha Ann Harrold. On the TV screen. Wearing the same thing she had on that day, she went missing. They said she just. Showed up. Knocked on the door of her mother's house and just gave her a smile and a big head.

But the big thing is. She hasn't aged a bit. Still 17. Still in that turtle neck and in those jeans. Hair still up in that ponytail. I had to turn off the TV and smoke a cigarette to calm myself down to make sure I wasn't crazy. Once I had a cigarette or two, I called my mom. To ask her about the news.

"Isn't it exciting! She's alive!" My mom didn't get it. She only saw it as a cold case solved. Did she not understand how weird it is? I want to say that I'm just as happy that she's back, and alive but something is just so off. How the hell is she still 17?

The news said that there was no scratches on her. And when she was questioned, all she said was she remembers walking to school, then appearing now.

It feels wrong seeing her. Seeing her alive and well. My mom wants me to come and see her. But I don't trust her. It's like..we all knew she was dead. After all those nights we knew sam was dead. Lost to like all the other missing milk carton kids. But here she is.

I've been getting letters in the mail. They are usually short. Nothing to weird. Just stuff like:

"How have you been? How's life?"

Or

"We need catch up!"

On that one there's a phone number. I think about calling it. But I'm to scared. Sorry to all who have to read my rant. I wrote this after a month of it happening. If anything else happens I'll update you.

[linagettingfit-blog]

Home life rant

You can ignore this it’s not fitness related

I just need to get it off my chest.  I am SO sick of my husband’s lack of work ethic. Part of it is my fault, not wanting to be a dick I baby him a little, but god nothing I do works to get him off his ass short of riding his and helping him.  Like for instance I get up and ask him what he’s been doing all day. Our friend is coming to visit us from NY on Wednesday so we need to finish getting cleaned up and set up for him by then.  His response was “I picked up a little.” I literally can’t find where he “picked up” today because nothing changed in the whole apartment. Here’s what i’ve done in the past month to get our place clean: Dishes, everytime except for two times he loaded the dishwasher for me Laundry: Every time, with a MASSIVE backload to do because laundry is HIS chore and he never does it Cleaned the living room three times, him once (But he keeps lording over how he did it ONCE whenever i ask him to clean something) Cleaned both bathrooms

Did the litter box (Fair, they’re my cats, but in that case why am I struggling to get him to take his dog for a fucking walk? I just had to twice because he was “tired” boo fucking hoo I’m literally never NOT tired.  Cleaned the study which was PACKED full of boxes and garbage and crap from HIM. I made a mess when I did my makeup in there but aside from that, everything that has trashed that room since has been him, which he still hasn’t picked up again. Cleaned the worse half of the bedroom (It was my side of the bed BUT he had been throwing crap on my side for a few months so 90% of it was HIS mess but i still cleaned it). He only did the bedroom with me because I said I’d help him. Helping him turned into me doing most of the cleaning while he kept going to the study (Where his computer was....) and getting “distracted” or “putting something away” for 15 minutes. It was a fucking struggle to get him to finish it and to get him to vaccum a small spot he missed the next day. 

Meanwhile this is what we have left that is decidedly MY responsibility: The rest of the laundry (He agreed to pick it back up as a chore but i had to tell him I’d do all the loads until there were 1-2 left for him to be okay with this...) The rest of the dishes and cleaning the kitchen (which i’ll havfe to do twice because meal prep day is tomorrow) Finish cleaning up the living room (I’ve already cleaned up the junk now it’s just organizing) Clean the study. Again. What he has to do: Vacuum. I’ve tried fucking everything to get him to help me with even just maintaining the cleanliness from asking him to do all of an area, to then compromising to him just picking up the dishes and taking them to the kitchen for me, to it turning into me asking him to just collect the dishes so I can take them to the kitchen. Nothing fucking works. Babying him doesn’t work. Being a dick doesn’t work. Crying doesn’t work. He just doesn’t care and doesn’t want to help.  So fuck it. I guess I’ll do EVERYTHING and if h fucking DARES fuck up ANYTHING I’m going to explode. I love this guy. I do. I can overlook all of his other negative qualities but we are BOTH lazy, we both get sad, and we both get tired and sick easily. Why the fuck do I have to power through it but he doesn’t? I just feel like curling up on the couch and crying right now because its so overwhelming. It has been overwhelming and even when he sees me cry over it, it doesn’t motivate him to help. He did his tiny portion of the bedroom, so he feels his work is fucking done.  God even besides all of what i listed to do we still have to set up the couch for our friend (make sure a blanket is clean, the covering blanket is clean, and that we have a pillow for him), pick up weed for 4/20 so I don’t have to do it closer to the day (i don’t wanna wait over an hour for legal weed kthanks). The worst part is knowing he’s doing all of this while i’m paying LITERALLY EVER FUCKING BILL RIGHT NOW. I buy the groceries, I pay the bills, I pay rent, I payfor the games he wants, i pay xbox live, I pay for his cellphone, everything.  I had 150K from my trust fund and i’m down to 30k because of him just eating through the money.  God.  Part of me just wants to kill myself and leave him with what’s left and tell him “Good luck, asshole” but that’s just me feeling overwhelmed from all of the hurt I have from him just not giving a fuck about how I feel or how tired I feel. All of this on top of trying to fight shitty eating habits and get to the gym. Can anyone fucking BLAME me when I say I’m too tired to go to the gym? I literally wake up tired because the work in my apartment never ends. I’m legit about to throw out half of my own belongings when i clean just to make it less work.  Plus there’s a pile of garbage bags waiting to take out, one of his two chores, that i’ve been slowly taking out on my own because he can’t even take a garbage bag to the dumpster when he takes his dog out. I don’t know what to do besides leave to stay in a hotel until he gets the picture, or just giving up and resigning myself to being a maid for the rest of my life to a really ungrateful person who thinks showing he’s grateful for what I do for him means telling me i’m sexy and beautiful. Fuck you. On the offchance he ever checks out this tumblr and reads it: I love you dude but you’re literally killing me. Step it the fuck up instead of wallowing in self pity about being “worthless.” If you feel worthless or like you don’t do anything THEN FUCKING DO SOMETHING. It’s not that fucking hard. 

[hotchley]

hey sumayyah! i saw your sign!! I'm writing the JJ & Emily parts of the really out of the blue and shitty mini-whatever it is 💀 and hopefully I'll figure out how to shorten it or something lmaoo

but i wanted to come here and talk for awhile i guess

it's like, 2am where i am right now and I'm just so drained mentally like idk i can't seem to focus on getting all my work done (school work) and i just submitted a fake corrupted file to pass off as my homework because i haven't been able to finish it (it's not graded or anything it's just 2 biology practice papers for revision for the upcoming exam but they're really long & biology is not my strong subject......)

like I'm 60-70% done on both papers and yeah i feel so bad for doing what i did and i am still planning on finishing those 2 papers (both as legitimate practice/revision & just in case my teachers do check and decide to ask me to resubmit/send them the file through another channel) and idk i obviously can't really talk to any one in school about this so i came here.... sorry for this bout of negativity i just feel so drained inside and it's not even the first time.... I'm on my break right now (mid years break) but my break is ending in roughly 4-5 more days? and I've felt unmotivated and horrible throughout the entire break idk :/ idk if this is just burn out or something else.... I've been planning on finding a therapist/professional to talk to? but 1. i can't exactly do it "openly" because i come from a rather conservative family and mental health issues (& sexuality etc) aren't things we talk about in my family.... and 2. I'm still a full-time student & I'm not sure of what services are available + the costs and all the other concerns? so like idk I'm not even sure where to start :(

and because I've been feeling like cr*p most of the time the last 3 weeks, I've done absolutely nothing & so i have TONS of school assignments piled up (those that were due during the break I've finished (somehow lmao) and submitted, but those that are due AFTER the break when school reopens.... i have completely not touched) & the worst thing is I'm not even entirely sure what's my entire workload.... so i definitely have to start seriously getting my work done from tomorrow (technically today) onwards.... but like i genuinely have a hard time focusing on work and I'm not sure if it's just my issues with procrastination or if i have a genuine illness or something and i don't want to self diagnose so I've been trying to not think about this but lately it's been so hard because i can't even finish my work on time and exams are coming and it's just really affecting me? and it's getting worse? i don't even have anyone i can truly talk to about this irl too and SKDJSKSNS idk 😭😭

i am SO SORRY for all the negativity!!!!! i just felt so alone and really had to vent somewhere i am so sorry, feel free to delete this ask if you're uncomfortable 🥺

i hope you're having a much better day/night and i love you ❤️ your blog (& cm Tumblr) is really giving me hope & keeping me alive, if i can put it that way 🥺♥️♥️ thank you for being you, and thank you for simply existing. I'm sorry things got so depressing all of a sudden lmao I'll be fine (eventually, probably)

- 🌙

I feel like my answer got long, so I put it under the cut :)

YAY!

Also, I did see this when you initially sent it, but I'm working on boundaries and priorities, which is why I didn't answer it then- I just needed a break <3

Look, you're learning during a pandemic that has disrupted everything and caused a lot of pain and stress. One corrupted file does not make you a bad student. You're still going to try.

There were so many days during lockdown where I just... didn't submit any work, and then I would submit it later saying the thing broke- which seemed believable because the thing we used never functioned properly.

And we cannot be happy or perfect all the time. Sometimes we need to share our problems. I have always said you can talk to me, it just may take me a few days depending on my own situation, and I stand by that.

Sometimes breaks just make us more miserable. Sometimes it is just genuinely a phase that you will snap out of. Sometimes it isn't. Either way, you need to let yourself feel this. Don't try and bury it. That'll be worse.

So when it comes to therapists, if you've been thinking of seeing one, go for it. Chances are, it'll help.

I get what you mean. I don't know what it's like where you are, but in England, everyone over 16 has control over the medical stuff. That basically means your parents cannot be told what you're doing, and you can do things without their knowledge. If I wanted to make an appointment, I wouldn't need to tell them I was making it, or what was discussed. Neither can the doctors.

I asked one of my friends (I have consent to share this), and she said that she went through the BetterHelp website, and that it's really helping her. Now I know BetterHelp had some real serious problems, so I would be cautious, but that is one option. Hers is between £50-£60 a session, but there were cheaper options.

You could also go through your school!! My school has what is called a "well-being practitioner" who you can just go and see when you're feeling down, and it all remains confidential UNLESS they think intervention is needed. So you could see if there are any sessions they do, or if there's any help you can get from them :)

I have seen SO, SO many teachers on TikTok recently say two things: ask them for help if you need it, and they will give it, and just do something. I don't know what you're teachers are like, but they're probably stressed and burnt out too. If you need an extension or a break or help, they'll do their best.

And if you can't do everything, then just do one thing. Do your favourite subject, or the easiest thing. I know people say do the hardest thing first because then everything gets easier, but the one time I did that, I started crying and I gave up for a good three days so...

If you've done extensive research, then maybe it is something, and if you think that there is that, then you should try and get tested <3 and it's okay if there really is nothing. Sometimes brains are weird

You don't ever have to apologise for being human <3 Remember how I mentioned crying for twenty minutes to my history teacher? I said the same thing to him: that I feel bad talking about these things because everyone has their own problems. His response was: well yes, but there are so many people that want to help you. And they would tell you if you were being a burden.

You need to trust that. And it's hard. It's painful. It's difficult. But I promise you, telling someone will always be better than bottling it up- and this comes from the person that was pissed for six weeks because I got a phone call home from someone higher up because previously mentioned history teacher told them that I was not doing great

I love you too!!

And sometimes life gets you down! That's okay! Things will get better! Maybe this isn't healthy, but my thing is: things will work out, and things will get better because they need to, and I refuse to believe I am living a life where they won't.

You will be fine! I have every faith in you!!

[diamondsnpolaroids]

I know I havent posted in awhile, and I will catch you all up on my weekly polaroid progression shots but I've really been struggling this week and I need to get it out somewhere.

Yes. I am still pregnant. In 3 days I'll finally be 40 weeks. A milestone I never thought I'd get to because this entire pregnancy has been a rollercoaster of emotions, pain and endless struggles. I didnt want to be pregnant this long. At all. This is going to be long and there will be a lot of personal details, but I need to get it out. I'm tired of having all these thoughts with no outlet.

Since I was 16 years old I was convinced I would never be able to have a child. It was always a devastating thought until I got to the age of 22 when i finally kind of accepted the fact and was okay not becoming a mother. The one thing i wanted between those years, the one thing that broke my heart was I'd never be able to experience the feeling of being pregnant. That may seem silly because that's such a short period of time when it comes to being a mother. 9 months of growing a human compared to the years and years of seeing that person grow is so minuscule. But for some reason that was always what broke me most.

I was dating the same man that entire time. I was 16 when we first starting dating, and I'll be convinced till the day I die that he was my soulmate. He was my best friend over absolutely anything. I could be my totally authentic self with him. He knew how weird I was and stayed. He watched me drown myself in my depression and stayed. He saw me act like a child, like an adult, my worst and best moments. Experienced my grief and my biggest accomplishments and was always right there for me. Growing up with an alcoholic drug addict father I knew I needed a man that would never abandon his family for those things. He was the man I knew I never needed to worry about.

I never really noticed the abusive behavior. The mental torture, isolation, the control he held over me, how hard his harsh words would hit.. it never really crossed my mind because when the good times were good, they were great. When they were bad, I was convinced it was all on me. My depression was the controlling one. My insane mind was the problem. Never him. Then the alcohol started to take over. He consumed himself in it whenever he had the chance. His childhood was ruined by this substance just like mine was and he was slowly turning to it instead of working out his trauma that it caused. Hed increase the intake slowly but surely and when it got too much for me to handle I'd cry and beg that he stopped. Seeing how upset it made me the first few times hed stop or slow down. But it was never for long. Hed go a week and then once again it would slowly increase and the cycle would continue. After awhile, I was "crazy" and he was "just doing what everyone our age was doing". No one our age was drinking 6+ a night on week days and spending $200 at least per night on the weekends. By the time we hit 7 years it got to an all time low. April of 2019 I realized all of this wasnt okay any more. An old friend had walked into my life and for the first time in years I was treated like a human being with feelings. Real feelings that were valid. I was told and shown that I was no where near the same happy girl I once was. It was all over my face and in my body language that I was a totally different person and not in a good way. It was clear just by looking in my eyes that I was severely depressed. I was reassured that my decision to split to work on ourselves was indeed the best step forward I could have ever taken.

My boyfriend reluctantly agreed to end the relationship for the sake of bettering ourselves or else we'd never last as a long term couple. He stopped drinking. Wed still hangout but was met with an extreme depression on his end, begging for me to stay and help him through it as if I hadn't tried for years and years. I knew nothing I could do would make him change, it needed to be a decision he made for himself. He had ruined every part of my being and I needed to explore who I was as an individual. My old friend made me feel ways I hadn't in years and eventually I caved to my emotions and desperate need to feel wanted without the attachment and abusive behavior always on my shoulders. I wasnt with my ex, and I kept it from him. After a month I started to notice his changes but it wasnt enough. He still tried to keep me wrapped around his finger while questioning my every move. He was working on it though, and I was noticing the change, but I couldnt stop what I was doing.

After another month he found out. He was upset, naturally, but was still around. He still wanted to work on it. Then 3 days later I took my first pregnancy test. It was positive. I kept it to myself praying it was a fluke. I took 2 more the next day. It wasnt. I took one last one, called my doctor, then called him over. I told him, and it wasnt an ideal reaction. He was forcing an abortion on me. For someone who never thought they could get pregnant, to find out after years that it was indeed possible, I just couldnt. This was a miracle in my eyes. Once I told him I couldnt, giving him the option to sign off all his rights and to stay away if that's what he wanted, he accepted he was going to be a father. But he also disappeared. Just up and left, and I was met with the worst mental abuse he could ever dish out for weeks. I had never felt so low in my entire life. Being told our child is a mistake, how terrible of a person I was and how him not being around is totally and completely my fault. What i failed to mention is for the last 3 years of our relationship he would use snapchat to talk to girls behind my back. I'd check his phone after every fight and hed go out drinking, just to see up to 7 different girls names with a "sent" notification beside them. I'd delete them off his contacts, confront him, ect ect, but he never stopped. I was always ashamed I stayed with someone who could do this but my love for him was so blind and so strong.. I couldnt let go.

Whenever I would mention all the hurt he caused me, it never compared to me sleeping with someone else while we weren't even together. It was ALL. MY. FAULT. And he couldnt take even an ounce of responsibility for how he treated me and pushed me out of his arms. After 2 weeks of us knowing I'm pregnant, he started seeing someone else. He was drinking beyond what he ever was with me, and now he was with someone else. Some girl who was also fresh out of a long term relationship, totally okay with the fact he was to but also expecting a baby with. I shouldnt have been mad or upset, we weren't together, but it hurt. I wanted the man I thought I'd never have to worry about being a good dad to actually be here with me on this journey. But he wasnt. For the months to come he gave me promises that their relationship wasnt an offical thing and reassured me he doesnt think she'll be around long. I shouldnt give up hope on us. My hormonal, emotional self prayed that was true.. until they became official in September.

Once that happened, it was like a ghost town. I only saw him for the 3 ultrasounds we had to pay for. He never came to any doctors appointments, he didnt feel the baby move, nothing. The entire time blaming me for him not being around. I sat at home every day after long shifts at work knowing I'm all alone in this world, growing a baby, doing everything by myself while he lived his life with no responsibility, laying next to her every night. Every day my heart broke. Some days were better than others, but not a single day I didnt wish and pray that hed atleast be there for his child. I knew my feelings weren't relevant anymore, I just wanted my son to have a father. He needed to have a father. I wasnt going to let my kid go through life always wondering why he wasnt enough for him like I did. I still hurt for myself, but no where near as much as I hurt for my son. I was given empty promises from my ex, he said hed call every day so atleast if he didnt watch our baby grow inside of me, hed atleast know his voice when he finally arrives. But hed go days without calling, and it would somehow turn into my fault because I hurt him too much to call his son.

I've spent this entire pregnancy working on myself, on my mental health, researching how to be a mother, what I need to do and stay away from, how to cope with every type of situation that may arise. I've done nothing but work on growing myself to be the best person I could be for my son. He just stayed drinking away his problems, distracting himself in every type of way he could. Avoiding all responsibilities of becoming a father soon.

Fast forward to about a week ago, when a phone call got a little spicy heated between us and ended in me sending him some snapchats of myself by his request. I know I shouldnt have, he was with someone else, but I missed him and wanted one last feeling of being wanted by the man I always thought I'd marry. I did exactly what broke me the last 3 years of our relationship and I really didnt feel bad about it. For 2 days this continued until it just stopped and he got cold with me. Once again, I'm left broken hearted but this time, I know it's my own fault.

During the time before this, for months I highly considered giving my son my last name. It made sense. He wasnt reliable enough to even spend 30 seconds every day to call his son, how could I ever believe hed be there every day for him once he was born? It was logical. Everyone who knew our situation told me I should even before I brought up that being an option I was weighing in my mind.

A few days after our snapchatting stopped, I had to finally tell him. I couldnt bring myself to blindside him with something so serious. I should have, really, but I still hold his feelings deep in my heart, and I couldnt hurt the man I spent over 7 years with like this. So I told him. He broke. But not in any way I ever thought he would. He confessed how he still loved me, how everyone around him knows he still loves me, ending with how much this would break his heart, giving us no chance of ever being together again. We'd never be able to do things as a family, hed never look at me or our son again. It was, to say the least, extremely intense. But it also left me wondering if this was one of the many manipulative ways he knows to get what he wants. He always brought "us" up to get his way on things. It felt genuine, but I'm also extremely hormonal and yes I still love and miss him like crazy.

It's been a few days since then and theres been no word of any feelings since. Hes been cold and more distant and my heart is once again broken into a million pieces. Hes called a couple times but he still misses days. I was given the go ahead to try and self induce labour by my midwives so I have been. When he calls and asks what I did with my day, I'd tell him. Last night apparently I shouldnt have. I was met with anger because I should "leave him be, he'll come when hes ready" as if he knows any kind of physical pain I've been through these last few months.

These past 2 weeks alone I have felt nothing but pain. Between feeling my hips separating, my pelvic bones shifting and my son's head descending lower, constant back pain, not being able to walk properly, my kid sitting on nerves leaving my legs feeling paralyzed or sending shocks into my vagina. Not being able to sleep more than 2 hours at a time max, peeing every hour on the hour, his feet kicking my ribs so hard I curl over, getting his feet stuck under them as well. The pains are unimaginable as you can see, now mixed with all the emotional distress I've been under... you could imagine how I'm ready for this child to enter the world. But no.. I'm being selfish. He isnt ready. I'm fine to keep going. Because apparently my ex knows everything my body is enduring just to bring our child into this world. It broke my fucking heart last night when he yelled at me for it. Absolutely shattered it.

Which brings us to this picture. I couldnt sleep once again, and every time I woke up I was met with mind numbing depression and long crying spells. I feel more alone than ever. My 16-22 years of age is crying for me knowing this was all I ever wanted out of life and it has been constantly ruined and brought down by a man I never knew would act the way he has been. This pregnancy was so easy in almost every aspect compared to most women, I've been so so blessed to have such an easy time physically and yet I constantly feel as if he has ruined this experience for me. Sometimes the mental abuse from a man is worse than the physical. And he knew exactly how to ruin this all for his own selfish needs. I've spent all day today feeling ruined, beaten down, and just straight up depressed. I'm not ready to be a mother, infact I am absolutely scared shitless to be one. But I'm willing to go through being scared over all this physical pain I've been through that seems never ending. I'm ready to meet and love my little man. But once again I feel like I cant even be happy about it because of my ex.

I'm tired. I'm so so so tired of being so inlove with a man who has shown me time and time again he wont be the father I always knew he could be. My heart hurts so bad for my son every single day. And I'm just.... tired. Which is why I'm posting this picture along with my story. I know some women have it worse with their pregnancies and the fathers leaving. I know some men can be all of this plus physically abusive towards women. I know I dont have it the worst, but I'm trying. I need to for my son. I doubt this post will get very far, and I know a lot of judgment will come my way for it, but if my pregnancy journey can help even one woman not feel so alone, then I'm happy with sharing it.

[deanswaywardgirl]

Keeping Faith (Having Faith Part 2)

A/N: Okay, so this is part two to the Having Faith mini-series. I hope you guys enjoy it. I know it took awhile for me to post, but there was quite a bit of editing to be done: adding, deleting, things like that. Enjoy! :)

Six months. Six months of searching and worrying and barely sleeping. Every night, Dean dreamt of her. Faith, the woman he loved in the lethal hands of Michael, the archangel. Every night, she died in his arms, just when he'd found her again, Michael killed her again and again, and Dean awoke in soaked sheets and the images replaying in his head.

Swallowing hard, he threw the blankets off and got up out of bed, turning his attention to the alarm clock, hidden behind several empty beer and whiskey bottles, and noted that it was only a little after two in the morning. He licked his lips and headed out of his room to the library, needing to get started again. He had to find her. Going without her was only sending him to an early grave.

Dean swallowed hard again, and was slightly surprised to see Sam awake, already reading up on angel lore, his laptop open with a police scanner on the screen. Dean smiled softly. Sam loved her too, they were practically siblings at this point. Sam always called her the smallest Winchester.

"Hey," Dean croaked, approaching the table where everybody's initials stared at him. The 'FD' mocked his pain, making his heart clench in his chest. He then forced his eyes to his brother. "Find anything?" he asked.

"Not yet, but I'm looking. I've got other hunters out, I've got Jody and Donna on the look out. It's like Michael's taken her underground or something. There's just nothing." Dean swallowed hard and looked at all the lore before shaking his head and sinking into a chair. "Dean.."

"We have to find her, Sam. It's been six months and there's been nothing." He looked at Sam, only to catch his eye. "Why'd she do it, man? How could she make that deal?"

"She did it for you, Dean," Sam said quietly. "Yea, and look at me now. Did she really think I'd be okay with her gone? That I could shrug the loss off and keep going like...." he shook his head and dropped his eyes to the floor. "No, but at least you have a chance to save her. Which is more than she would've had with you at the bottom of the ocean. Dean, she loved you. You were everything to her. And she knew I couldn't lose my brother."

Sam swallowed hard and ran his hands through his hair. "Dean, we will find her, I promise you. We won't stop til we do." Dean nodded and stood up, headed to the kitchen. He wasn't sure if he believed Sam or not, the images from his nightmares plaguing him once again. He rubbed his eyes as he set upon making him and Sam breakfast, because he needed to do something. Hearing the iron door open and close, he moved back to the library and saw Castiel decend the stairs. "Anything?" Dean asked, clenching his jaw. Castiel sighed and shook his head.

"Nothing. I'm sorry, Dean." The elder Winchester nodded and went to walk away before sweeping every book off the table and walking away. Sam jumped and closed his eyes for a moment as he listened to Dean's footsteps fade down the hallway. When the silence took over, Sam looked up at Cas who looked as sorrowful as he felt. "We have to find her, Cas, I'm not sure how much longer we have before Dean goes out looking and probably gets himself killed." The angel nodded and turned his blue eyes to the exit Dean took, then glanced back at Sam. "Sam, we will find Faith. I won't stop looking. Just don't lose-" "Faith? I'm hoping we haven't already." He leaned back against the table and folded his hands in front of him before looking at the laptop screen, at the police scanner that announced every day random violence, but nothing that concerned them in their current predicament.

It was then the iron door opened once more and a girl, bloodied and broken appeared, barely conscious. "Sam? Cas?" It was then she fell, her eyes falling closed. "Faith!" Sam called. Castiel disappeared and reappeared at the top of the stairs, catching the girl in his arms and looking down at her. He gently brushed the hair out of her face and looked down at Sam, with a nod. Sam took the stairs two at a time, meeting him at the top, an unconscious Faith in his arms. "We need to get her to the infirmary now!" he said and lifted the girl into his arms. "Go get Dean, I got her." Castiel nodded and took off in the other direction in search for the older Winchester. Sam laid the girl down carefully and started assessing her wounds, every now and then watching her face. He breathed heavily, unable to keep the hint of a smile off his face. "Don't worry, Faith, you're safe now."

"Faith?" Dean called, coming into view. Sam immediately backed away as Dean took his place, cupping her face in his hand and looking her over. "My god, what did he do to you?" he whispered, his breathing shaky. "What happened?" he asked, not taking his eyes off her, sliding his hand into hers. "There's no telling, Dean, she just walked in and passed out. Cas caught her," Sam said as he circled around to the other side of the bed. Dean nodded and leaned down, kissing her forehead tenderly, letting his lips linger for a moment before he kissed her again. "You're safe now, sweetheart. We're all here," Dean whispered, setting his hand on the top of her head and rubbing her forehead with his thumb. "You're gonna be okay," he whispered, afraid that she'd disappear before his eyes if he let go of her. A tear fell down his cheek as he was unable to believe she was here. She was home. "Sammy, clean her up, I'll be back."

"No, you should be here in case she wakes up. I'm gonna go make some calls," Sam told him and smiled down at Faith, then leaned down and kissed her forehead tenderly as well. "Welcome home, sweetheart," he whispered to her before clapping Dean on the shoulder and leaving the room. Dean sat on the edge of the bed and started cleaning her wounds, making sure to be gentle as some were deeper and worse off than others. He shook his head and sighed when he heard his name.

"Dean?" a soft voice whispered, earning his attention. A smile crept across his lips as he locked eyes with the most beautiful pair of blue eyes he'd ever seen. "Hey, sweetheart. Shh, just get some rest. You're alright, now, you're safe." The girl gazed up at him and let the tears fall, her breathing shaky as her grip on his hand tightened. "I'm home?" she asked, her voice just a whisper. "You're home, Faith. Right where you belong," Dean told her and stroked her cheek with his free hand. Faith leaned into his touch and closed her eyes, holding his hand to her face. "Can you sit up?" he asked, earning a nod. He helped her to sit up and gently pulled her into his lap, cradling her head to his chest, rocking her back and forth. "I gotcha, sweetheart, and I'm never letting you go again," he told her, kissing the top of her head before setting his chin there.

He let her cry, and just held her, whispering reassurances to her to keep her calm and remind her that he was there beside her, never to let her go again. Faith buried her face in his neck, clenching his jacket in her fist, her knuckles white as she cried. It was an hour before she'd cried herself back to sleep in Dean's arms, but Dean couldn't bare to part with her as he watched her sleep so peacefully in his arms. He kissed her forehead tenderly once more and glanced up when Sam came into the room, swallowing hard. "She okay?" he asked, quietly. Dean shook his head and glanced down at her, then set his chin back on top of her head.

"Doubt it. She's resting, but..." Dean glanced down at Faith, who had started whimpering. "Shh, sweetheart, I'm here. You're safe, I promise," he whispered and kissed her forehead once more. Licking his lips, he turned his eyes back to his brother. "I don't know what Michael did to her, but I will find out.." "Dean, you should stay here. When she wakes up, she'll need you. We'll worry about Michael later," Sam said, his eyes falling back to Faith as he sighed. "She doesn't look good. Almost skeletal," he said, swallowing hard. Dean swallowed hard as he turned his eyes to his brother.

"Sammy, go make her something to eat, would you? Maybe something light. Who knows how long it's been since she last ate, I don't wanna overdo it," he said and clenched his jaw. Sam nodded and watched the two of them together, then left the room. Dean took her hand into his and stroked the top with his thumb. Bruises littered her skin from head to toe and it only made Dean angrier at the archangel responsible.

"I promise you, sweetheart, I will make him pay. If it's the last god forsaken thing I do, I will make him pay. As long as you come back to me. I don't know what you went through with him, I'm not sure it'd do me any good to know, but I need you to come back to me. I will help you through it, I swear. No matter how deep the scars are or how long it takes, I will help you get through all of it. You've always been there to help me through the crap, Faith. The nightmares, all of it. Let me help you for once. Just come home and we'll get through it together." Dean swallowed hard as he watched her sleep, then kissed her forehead again.

It was a few days before Faith said a word to either of them. She spent most of her time sleeping or eating, mostly at Dean's request. She always ate as much as she could stomach, stopping at the slightest hint of queasiness. Dean didn't like it, but he acquiesced, biting his tongue. TWO WEEKS LATER

"Michael, no! Don't hurt them, take me!" Faith screamed, and turned over, arching her back before rolling back onto his side. "Please! Please, no! Dean, Sam! Take me!" she cried, a death grip on her pillow.

Lightbulbs exploded in her room and down the hall. Dean and Sam glanced at each other as the bunker rumbled, both of them bolting for her room. They both tried the knob, but the door didn't budge. Dean glanced at Sam and back at the door before counting to three, both of them delivering their strongest kicks, breaking the door down, each man taking a side of the bed. "Faith, sweetheart, wake up!" Dean called, taking her wrists and pinning them down. Faith's eyes opened, a glowing blue, and before Dean could resist, he went flying outside the room against the wall. "Castiel!" Sam called. The angel appeared and placed two fingers to her forehead, knocking her out completely, the room going silent.

"She'll sleep now." Sam moved to his brother and helped him to his feet, both of them moving towards her bed. Dean clenched his jaw as he watched her. He didn't blame her. He had no idea the Hell Michael had inflicted on her, in more ways than one. But it had obviously left scars that he couldn't heal in a matter of hours of her return. Glancing up at Castiel, he breathed deeply.

"Tell me you found him," Dean growled, his whole being shaking in fury. Castiel sighed, his eyes still on Faith's sleeping form. "I haven't. He's disappeared, Dean, completely." "We have to find him, we have to dream root her head, something. She can't keep going like this. We have no idea what he did to her, and we can't help her until we figure it out," he shouted, swallowing hard. "I can't leave her like this, I won't." Sam licked his lips and sat on the edge of the bed, and wiped his hand over his face.

"Maybe we should use dream root. Ask her straight out," Sam suggested, then turned and looked at his brother. "Okay, then that's what we'll do," Dean replied, swallowing thickly. He turned his eyes back to his sleeping girlfriend and breathed deeply. Both of them glanced at Castiel. "Are you coming with us?" Dean asked. Castiel glanced at Dean, then at Sam, then at Faith. "No, you two should do this. You're her boys, her family. I'll stay here and keep watch. If she got away without him knowing, he could be looking for her." Both boys glanced at each other and back down at the sleeping girl. "If he is, it doesn't matter. He's not taking her again," Dean growled, clenching his jaw. Sam sighed and nodded.

"Agreed." He stood up and moved to the door. "I'll go get the dream root. Dean, grab a couple strands of hair, I'll be back." Dean nodded and turned back to her, taking her hand into his. "We're gonna get you back, sweetheart, just stay with us, alright?" he asked, and stroked her cheek, then leaned down and kissed her forehead tenderly. "I'm sorry, sweetheart, I should've found you sooner. Protected you. But, I'm here now, alright? I promise. I'm right here."

It was then Sam returned with two mugs of African dream root. Dean plucked two strands of brown hair from Faith's head and dropped a strand each into the dream root. He took one of Faith's hands, Sam, the other, and the two downed the dream root, laying beside her. Cas put two fingers to both Winchesters' heads and left the room, closing the door behind him.

A/N: Let me know how you liked it and if there should be a part three...I’m putting together of details right now, and could really use the help. Thank you!

@ellewritesfix05 @chevyharvelle @jawritter @winchest09 @whispersandwhiskerburn @dean-winchester-is-a-warrior