#i'm always scared to pitch in my two cents

[atelierwriting]

idk if it's just me but as someone who's asian, the amount of "asian wips" by white creators rubs me the wrong way bc while representation is important, a lot of them tend to gravitate towards asian fetishization when it comes to their aesthetics and idk... it just doesn't feel as genuine.

i want to preface it by saying a few things. first: i am asian american, second/third generation, depending on who you ask. second: i am not gatekeeping asian wips. as i said in the conclusion, all i am asking is that you respect the culture, stay away from stereotypes, and don’t use it simply because it would have “interesting/pretty” vibes.

i have a lot of opinions about this, so let’s break it all down.

poc representation is important

fine line of fetishization

the big loud sentence i keep repeating about this issue is that YOU CANNOT PICK AND CHOOSE WHAT YOU LIKE FROM A CULTURE THAT IS NOT YOURS

an explanation about the big loud sentence i keep repeating

conclusion

more under the cut. warning: very long post. (another sidenote: this is all just applicable to writeblr wips, but i might have gotten carried away)

tagging @mitskism!

1. poc representation is important

this is a given. i’m sure you heard of how, when growing up, we couldn’t find people who looked like us in books, shows, and movies. we couldn’t find stories that really resonated with us and touched upon the same struggles we were facing within our own cultures. with all this said and done, poc representation is so incredibly important because media is what helps people understand and shape their identity. media teaches people because of how it proliferates. 

the feeling of finally seeing a character that you can relate to is unlike any other, but imagine that feeling when that is the only character who resembles you in any way. imagine seeing the characters that look like you, behave like you, and identify the same way as you being constantly used as a stepping stone for the main character--who, decidedly, does not look like you or behave like you or identify the same way as you. in fact, that main character looks like every other main character out there. 

that’s not the representation you want. you want stories about people like you. success stories, stories where they’re the ones who achieve their goals and get that happily ever after. but there is so little of that out there that it’s like searching for a needle in a haystack.

so yes, poc representation is important.

of course, poc representation isn’t the only important representation out there. but representation has to be done right. 

2. fine line of fetishization

what is fetishization? i think the anon here says it very well: gravitating towards a certain aesthetic without really acknowledging where it came from or the history that comes from it. all in all, though, fetishization of a culture is taking things at face value from a culture is not yours, without any real understanding of what those things are or if it’s even respectful of you to take.

i wrote a whole paper recently on colonialism, imperialism, and the idea of the white man’s burden and the problems of white saviors. there’s a recurring theme in history that i’ve noticed: taking things from other cultures and turning it into the next great thing, when it wasn’t even theirs to begin with.

but that’s a completely different topic.

the thing about fetishization in writeblr wips--particularly that of asian fetishization, since that’s the topic of the ask--is that it can be hard to pick out. you might get this vaguest feeling that something’s off about the wip, but not have any concrete proof to back it up. so where can the line be drawn? that’s hard to say. the line between giving representation and fetishization is incredibly thin, but i’d say answering the following question is a good point to start.

1. why is this character/setting/etc asian?

if the answer to this question is because it looks good, or because you like the aesthetics, that is fetishization. of course, you have to consider this as well: whether or not you are asian yourself and if you have done the proper research.

subtopic: the fetishization of asian culture

i’m sure you’ve seen this around: things that take on an asian-like aesthetic simply for the thrill of resembling something from an asian culture. it’s the stereotype of submissive asian women and yellow fever. it’s the usage of random asian-sounding character names in wips. i’m not going to delve too deep into this because i have discussion in 20 minutes.

asian culture hasn’t been seen as something “attractive” until recently. even now, people still look down at asian people as the Other, an unidentifiable other race--or maybe an entire other species--that is inferior to the western world. growing up in america, asian kids had to divorce themselves from their culture in order to assimilate. and now, suddenly, the culture that their classmates sneered at is aesthetic. it’s desired. it’s acceptable now.

asian culture is made out to be a hot commodity, and that’s not right. you can’t make an entire culture a commodity. this brings me to my next point.

3. the big loud sentence i keep repeating about this issue is that YOU CANNOT PICK AND CHOOSE WHAT YOU LIKE FROM A CULTURE THAT IS NOT YOURS

YOU CANNOT PICK AND CHOOSE WHAT YOU LIKE FROM A CULTURE THAT IS NOT YOURS.

4. an explanation about the big loud sentence i keep repeating

the culture isn’t yours. it never will be yours before it is ours. and i’m sorry about how heavy that sounds but it’s true. you cannot pick and choose what you want from a culture with such a long history of its own. you cannot put up an image of a rising red sun because it fits the aesthetic of a wip page, along with images of other commonly depicted asian symbols, without acknowledging that the rising red sun has been used as a symbol for japanese imperialism. 

(i’m bringing up this example because of this and also there’s. a lot to unpack in the history of japan and other asian countries)

5. conclusion

what i’m getting at is that you can do asian wips, if you respect the culture, stay away from stereotypes, and don’t use it simply because it would have “interesting/pretty” vibes.

[msmarvelouswinchester]

Last First Kiss

Summary - Jensen finally lets his feelings towards you known but it doesn't get the reaction he had anticipated.

Pairing - Jensen Ackles x Reader, Jensen x OFC!Jessica (brief)

Characters - Jared Padalecki, Gen Padalecki, OMC Mark, OMC Luke, OFC Jessica

Warnings - Fluff, Insecurities, Bad dates, Implied smut, Language, Angst-ish, happy ending

Square Filled - Valentines Day ( @anyfandomgoesbingo ) Jared Padalecki ( @spndeanbingo )

Word Count - 2262

A/N - Written for my 500 Followers challenge

Request by @akshi8278 - Hi, once again congratulations on your 500 followers. 🥳🎉 Could you write number 23 and 25 for Jensen. It could be fluff/ smut, whatever you want. Thank you 😊 (I added a little bit of angst for the course of the story. Hope you like it!)

This is also a submission to @negans-lucille-tblr' 6k Roll The Dice Challenge

Unbeta'd. All mistakes are mine. Prompts are in bold.

Dividers by @firefly-graphics

You trudged down the empty hallway, your body slumped with exhaustion and feet hurting from wearing the ridiculously high heels to impress a man who never showed up. The silence in the empty halls was deafening unlike the crowded diner which was buzzing with lovestruck couples on the fine evening of Valentine’s Day. When you reached his door, you were barely hanging in there. Hesitantly, you knocked twice, immediately cursing yourself for fucking up his Valentines Day as well.

“Y/N?” Jensen tilted his head in confusion at your dejected state. “What happened?”

“I am done with dating.” A stray tear rolled down your cheek as you replied. Jensen pursed his lips as he opened the door wider to let you in. He threw an arm over your shoulder, guiding you towards the couch.

“Mike was a douchebag.” He said, as you plopped down on the blue couch.

“His name is Mark.” You rolled your eyes at him, “I dressed up all for nothing. I am done trying to find the perfect man. I will get a cat and become a cat lady. At least it will show up when we have a cat date with cat food and pizza.”

“You can't just swore off dating because Macaroni didn't show up.” Jensen smirked. “You just haven't met the right person yet.”

“I got stood up thrice within a span of two months. I surely know how to pick them.”

“Sweetheart, I'm so sorry but I know you'll definitely meet the right person. It's just a matter of time.” He rubbed your arm as you snuggled closer to him. “Should we order takeout? I am starving.”

“Mhm. I wouldn't mind some chinese. I'm sorry that I fucked up your plans for the night.” You said.

“I didn't exactly have anything better to do. Spending time with you is much better than third wheeling Jared and Gen.” He chuckled.

“What am I doing wrong, Jay? Something is definitely wrong with me or the entire male population is a douchebag.” You sighed, as Jensen took out his phone to place an order in your favourite Chinese restaurant.

“Y/N/N, nothing's wrong with you and there are good men out there in the world.” He said.

“They are all taken.” You replied, nonchalantly.

“I'm not.” Jensen said and your heart skipped a beat at his words.

“Maybe I was too blind to notice it,” you wanted to say instead you blurted out, “You're my best friend, Jensen.”

His hands dropped to the side as he visibly tensed up. An unbearable silence followed the awkward conversation. You could barely look at the actor beside you who was staring off into the distance, his mouth opening and closing like a fish. Fortunately you were both saved from further conversation by the delivery guy.

You bit down on your lip to stop the yawn that was threatening to leave as you pretended to listen to the man in front of you complain about his work life. You hummed along to the man’s words as your mind reeled back to that night at Jensen's house. You still didn't know why you didn't speak about your true feelings. Even though his little confession didn't break you two up, whenever you used to hang out, a discomfort lingered in the air and so you had ditched the weekly movie night the day before.

After another painfully long hour, your extremely bad date came to a very fortunate end. As a sign of politeness, you had agreed with Luke, your date, when he had offered to drop you at your doorstep. With no promises for a second date, you had left Luke’s car after successfully dodging his attempt at a kiss. You sprinted across the usually empty hallway and found yourself in front of Jensen's room. You knocked at his door.

“So I was on a date and oh god, time wasn't passing by at all! Luke was such a boring guy. I surely do know how to pick the guys- and I'm so sorry I didn't come yesterday for our weekly movie night-” You rambled on as soon as Jensen opened the door without giving him a chance to pitch in his two cents.

“It's okay.” He finally spoke but his words were soon forgotten when you saw the half-naked brunette standing behind him, glaring at you.

“I'm sorry,” You turned your attention to the man in front and noticed the swollen lips, tousled hair and his unbuttoned jeans, “I didn't know you had company.”

“Next time try to call before you barge in complaining about yet another bad date.” Jensen grumbled, rolling his eyes before he shut his door to your face. You stared at the closed door, crestfallen as tears started to pool in your eyes. You made your way back to your room which was on the next floor in the same apartment building all the while wondering if your insecurities had really messed up a good friendship.

Jensen had neither heard nor seen you since he had closed the door on your face. He winced every time he remembered how rudely he had pushed you out of his apartment when Jessica was over. He was finally trying to move on since now he knew how you felt. Jensen was definitely hurt when you made it clear that you didn't reciprocate his feelings but he didn't hate you. You were still his best friend so it hurt when you had started to distance yourself from him, even ditching him on your weekly movie night. All that bottled up frustration had turned into anger when you had knocked on his door the next night to complain about your boring date but he still regretted the way he had told you off.

“Is Y/N going to come to Gen’s party?” Jared asked his tv brother during one of the takes.

“I don't know. Why don't you ask her yourself?” Jensen snapped as he went back to reading his script.

“What happened?” The hazel eyed actor frowned at his friend's behaviour.

“I haven't talked to her in weeks nor have I seen her.” Jensen grumbled.

“You two are like the Siamese twins and now you are saying you haven't even talked to her? Dude, what happened?” Jared asked. “Maybe you should talk to her.” He said after Jensen opened up about what happened.

“I have called her. Dozens of times. She is not picking up.” He scoffed.

“Gen is going to invite her I suppose. Maybe you can talk to her then.” Jared shrugged as they were called back on to set.

Jared was right about everything. You were invited to Gen’s backyard birthday party and so was Jensen. You had hesitated before you finally made up your mind to go to the Padaleckis' because you knew someday you had to face Jensen. When you had returned home that night, you had realised why no one was ever good enough for you since the perfect person for you was right in front of you but your insecurities had made you blind. You knew you had missed your chance when you had caught him with the brunette but what hurt more was when he shoved you out of his apartment.

Jensen had called you a dozen times but you hadn't picked up. You didn't know what to say and the longer you stayed away from him, your feelings for him grew stronger so instead you started to avoid him like plague, trying your best to move on.

The clinking sound of bottles behind you pulled you out from your deep thought.

“Hey.” Jensen awkwardly said.

“Hi.” You returned the same awkwardness.

“You weren't picking up my calls. I'm sorry for the other night.” He said, his gaze quickly dropping to the floor.

“It's all right.”

“No it's not. Then you wouldn't have avoided me.” He said. “I know things have been awkward since that night but no hard feelings. It's perfectly okay if you don't feel the same. I just want my best friend back.”

“I do feel the same.” You muttered quietly which made him look up to you. Jensen stared at you dumbfounded.

“Then why didn't you tell me?” He finally said.

“I panicked. I got scared because you know me, I don't do well with men and I thought if we didn't work out, I would lose you.” Your lips trembled ever so lightly as you stared into his green eyes.

“You won't ever lose me.” Jensen walked up to you, “Even if things don't work out relationship-wise. I will always be your best friend.”

“I don't wanna lose you. You're my person, Jay. So I lied not realising that I had pushed you away myself.” You said.

“I will always be your person just like you're mine but I can't fight this feeling anymore. I think I'm in love with you and I don't know what to do.” He said while walking up to you.

“Maybe you do know now.” He leaned down, cupping your face, his lips hovering over yours. You closed your eyes, feeling his hot breath fan against your skin but then you felt him pull back. You opened your eyes as you saw him stare at you with a look of regret in his eyes.

“I can't.” Jensen sighed.

“Why?”

“I have a girlfriend.” You gaped at him, heart broken into millions of pieces. Before Jensen could get another word out, you fled the scene.

“Hey Y/N.” Gen beamed. “Are you going home already?”

“Yeah I think I'm coming down with something. Sorry Gen. Happy birthday, again.” You said and wasted no time to get into your car and quickly drove back to your home.

Jensen had repeatedly called you since you had fled the Padaleckis’ house but you hadn't picked up. The first two days you had hardly left your house. You had been sobbing uncontrollably. You had bared your heart and soul to the man you had fallen head over heels only to get your heart broken.

You were lying on your couch, watching a sappy romantic movie when you heard a knock on your door. Pausing the movie midway you got up to open the door.

“Hi.” The green eyed man spoke quiet as when you opened the door. The sight of him brought tears to your eyes again. He was carrying a box of chocolate and a bottle of wine. “I would have brought flowers but I know how sad you get when they start to wilt.”

“What're you doing here?”

“I heard a guy hurt my best friend so I'm here with chocolates and wine.” He smirked. You snatched the box of chocolates from his hands as you held the door wide open.

“Sappy romantic comedy? Oh sweetheart, want me to kick the guy's ass? He deserves it. No one hurts my best friend.” He said as he pulled you into a tight hug. The intoxicating smell of his cologne finally breaking you. “I'm so sorry.”

“I'm so sorry too.” You sniffled as you looked up at him. “Our timings sucked.”

“It did. Can we start afresh?” Jensen smiled.

“What about your girlfriend? I don't wanna be your ‘slutty mistress’.” You said, quoting Grey’s Anatomy which made him chuckle.

“I broke up with her. I tried to date other girls to keep you off my mind but there wasn't a single damn second when you didn't cross my mind because I am totally, completely, hopelessly in love with you.” He grinned as he leaned down to kiss your cheek.

“I am in love with you too, Jay.” You said, “Kiss me.” Jensen dropped his head as he leaned into you, capturing your lips with his. His hands travelled all the way down your body before stopping at your waist. He gripped you tightly and pulled you closer, your hands landed on his biceps as you tried to steady yourself. His teeth grazed your lips lightly, making you moan into his mouth. Your hands left his biceps, hooking themselves at the nape of his neck, your fingers tugging at his hair, eliciting a groan out of him.

“Are you trying to turn me on or are you just that oblivious?” He growled into your ear.

“Is it working?” You smirked. Jensen growled once more into your ear before pulling away from you. He effortlessly picked you up, your legs hooking behind him as he went towards the bedroom.

Panting hard you tried to come down from your high as you felt him go soft before he pulled out. He placed a chaste kiss on your lips and rolled off to the side. His chest heaved as he tried to control his breathing, a soft smile tugging at the corner of his lips.

Lost in an euphoric state, you didn't notice when Jensen had left the bed to get a cloth to clean you up. After a few minutes, he returned back to bed. You laid there in his arms, naked, basking in the afterglow of what was actually the best sex of your life. Jensen was tracing tiny, imperfect circles on your arm as a sigh of contentment left his lips. Your back flushed against his chest, smiling, you spoke.

“We might be each other’s last first kiss.” You turned towards, kissing the corner of his mouth.

“No more bad dates. No more bad first kisses. You're mine.” Jensen whispered.

“You're it. You're my person. My world is a better place with you in it.” You said, snuggling against his warm chest. “I love you.”

Feedback is highly appreciated!

[culturegazing]

Anthology | Life isn't a Sprint with Everyone, it's a Marathon with Yourself

I know. This is the 86th lockdown tale you’ve read with the words ‘unprecedented times’. Apart from the simultaneous pandemic and economic downturn though, I have experienced staying inside for a long period of time.

I was in a lockdown of my own about a year before the pandemic. A contract ended and I struggled to find new opportunities. I was hustling and volunteering here and there but was unemployed for four months last year. I avoided going out for non-essential activities because that costed money. Public transport costed money. I avoided seeing friends because they all had jobs and could pay to eat out. I looked for anything that allowed me to save on a single cent of my life savings. Majority of the time, I stayed inside.

On my days off, I’d watch four or five films in one day. I was addicted to watching films and did whatever I could to escape reality. No, I'm not proud of voluntarily sliding under a blanket of restlessness and demotivation but I also don’t think it was time wasted. It was not only therapeutic, but also allowed me to discover a number of films that I came to love and share with those around me. 

I made several mistakes of secluding myself from the world and not having more grit than I usually would. I felt lost and didn’t know what to do or where to find what I wanted to do. So, when global lockdown came around this year, I knew not to repeat my mistakes and lose momentum. After getting retrenched in March, I let myself cry my heart out for one night, and after that, it was onto the next.  

What I realised/ was reminded of:

It’s easy to lose self-worth when I feel like I'm not contributing to anything. I think this is because I’m a workaholic who ties a lot of my self-worth to my work which I don't beat myself up for. Work and contribution is what makes me feel something meaningful.

Even if I have the best intentions but the wrong words, I’ll always sound like I have the worst intentions – Communication is key

If you are struggling to find a job in the field of your interest, just take any opportunity – Even if it isn’t what you want to do with your life, you’ll learn more than just staying at home by yourself all day

There is an end but it’s always invisible

There are more opportunities out there that you didn’t even know existed

Life isn’t a sprint with everyone, it’s a marathon with yourself

What I learned from other people:

“Opportunity + Preparation = Luck” – Betty Liu’s mystery teacher

“Just go for it and let the future work itself out” – Betty Liu

[On flow] “Wow, it didn’t feel like two hours – That’s when flow happens. You almost kick into autopilot, everything is working so well you lose track of time” – Betty Liu

“The best type of marketing doesn’t even feel like marketing” – Chad T.

“Pain + Reflection = Progress” – Ray Dalio

“Always overdeliver” – Jack Welch

“Don’t think of your career as a ladder, think of it as a jungle gym” – Mohamed El-Erian

[On happiness] “The more specific you are, the more likely it is to happen” – Jeff Weiner

“You need to optimise for both passion and skill…sometimes people optimise one at the exception of the other, it’s going to make it challenging, but if you know what you really want, if you know what you love, if you know what resonates with you and you have the ability to do that, or at least you’re in a position where you can learn those skills overtime you can make it happen… If you only have one or the other, you’re going to be frustrated” – Jeff Weiner

“Don’t tell people how to do things, tell them what to do and let them surprise you with their results” – Phil Knight

[On making career decisions] “Follow your compass, not your clock” – Andrea Jung

"Your direction is more important than your speed" – We the Urban

Resources

I’ve been using these for the past few months and I hope at least one of them will change you in some way, big or small

Linkedin Learning (30-day free trial, $40/ month, $299.88/ year)

I used my 30-day free trial by the way. 

Betty Liu on Career Success

Guy Kawasaki on Turning Life Wisdom into Business Success

Influencer Interview: Oprah Winfrey (interviewed by Jeff Weiner)

CV Success Masterclass by Careercake

How to Create a Perfect Elevator Pitch by Careercake

Expert Tips for Answering Common Interview Questions by various

Books

Work Smarts by Betty Liu

Shoe Dog by Phil Knight

Sea of Strangers by Lang Leav (This is an old favourite and something I always come back to during times of adversity)

Podcasts

Self-Development/ Knowledge

Radiate with Betty Liu (I know, I’m obsessed with her)

The Lavendaire Lifestyle

Guy Kawasaki's Remarkable People

Girlboss Radio

The Michelle Obama Podcast

The Marie Forleo Podcast

The Unemployed Graduate

News

The Daily by The New York Times

Lifestyle/ Entertainment

Stop Everything!

Staying in with Emily & Kumail

Film

The Film Comment Podcast

Truth & Movies: A Little White Lies Podcast

The Backseat

Kermode & Mayo’s Film Review

Art & Design

Art History For All

Creative Boom

Music

Frank Ocean – Self Control

HAIM – I Know Alone

HAIM – Running if You Call My Name

HANDSOME – Save Some Love

HANDSOME - TV Set

HONNE – 306

The Internet – Wanna Be

Kamasi Washington – Truth

Khalid – Saturday Nights

Iris Temple – Capsize

Milan Ring – Step Back

Murkage Dave – King of First World Problems

Raleigh Ritchie – Time in a Tree

Raleigh Ritchie - Stay Inside

SAFIA – Resolution

SALES – Getting it On

SG Lewis & JP Cooper – Shivers

Soft Powder – Can You Look Inside My Head?

Sylo Nozra – FOMO

Tim Atlas ft. cehryl – Together Lonely

Ultracrush – Swimming

Yumi Zouma – Lonely After

The Weeknd – Scared to Live

Websites

Le Cinema Club

Little White Lies

It’s Nice That

Passerbuys

Ignant

Other

Ecosia (A web browser plants a tree for every search you do, funded by ad revenue.)

We Are One: A Global Film Festival on YouTube (29 May - 7 June)

I will keep adding to this whenever I come across resources I find valuable. 

In the meantime, be empathetic, be compassionate, don't advocate hate - to anyone.