#i'm aware this concerns the 'not disabled enough to be stripped of autonomy community'

[alaiis]

Just saw a post that talked about the fact yes disabled people know their limits but it's more complex than that.

And it was about disabled people's agency being stripped away from us. How sometimes we can do thing but they won't let us. Because we're disabled.

And I wanted to comment about another thing on 'disabled people know their limits' but I didn't want to distract from this conversation so making a post instead.

Disabled people know their limits. Except when we don't.

I know it's difficult to say and to hear because it feels like it's the perfect admittance for ableists to strip us of the little autonomy we have.

But I'm disabled and I don't know my limits. But the thing is, other people don't know them either so don't dare them trying to tell me they know better.

Yes this is about late-diagnosed autism but I believe it can be the same for many other disabilities too.

Because I've been taught all my life I'm not disabled actually. So there is no reason I should not be able to do something that other people can do. That I should be able to be the same way.

It's about the constant exhaustion trying to live the way everyone lives and crashing ugly where everyone can't see it because it's too much. But it's about doing that all my life. And knowing only this way of living.

And now that I actually have recognition as a disabled person. Now that I can get accommodations and I'm not expected to do everything everyone does and the same way. I don't know where to start. I don't know what to ask for. And I keep doing the same.

Oh don't get me wrong there are the obvious things. I can wear ear protection now. But what about all the rest? I'm so exhausted constantly, how do I know where it comes from now? It's my whole life.

I finally started having a therapist who can help me with that. Learning my limits first. Learning to get them respected second. But it's taking a lot of time. And I'm still clueless about so many things.

And I'm so damn exhausted.

Disabled people know their limits. Except when we don't.