#i'm honestly so excited to listen to this podcast in real time and i tend to be a binge-consumer of content hehe

[trans-xingqiu]

I've been listening to welcome to night vale for a week now and i've gotta say my life? I feel so much better about my life funky chefs

i am being filled with more positivity and happiness and smiling and laughter and love. I jus cried out of happiness for the very first time in my life over this podcast- this experience of being a dear listener and hearing comforting words every night and thinking on them, mulling them over and accepting them. It's been a week but i've gained two very valuable life lessons from it, which is

- to let the past be, since it won't be something you can change and regretting what could have been is relatively futile in retrospect;

- some things will seem as if they're all that matters at the time, but it might be a good idea to take a step back and see if it really is, and decide where to go from there

It's also really exciting to know that there's still SO much for me to learn from this series and i'm really glad i picked this up.

[94monkeys]

Lately I've done some cooking because surprisingly you can get tired of takeout. It takes a while but it happens! Also, and I saw this in my own mom (but didn't realize it), cooking is a little slice of me time... I listen to my silly little podcasts, I don't have the baby on me (usually), and I'm not trying to do 18 other things.

Lemon Chicken Piccata. YUM. Very tender chicken! Paired with whole-wheat pasta tossed in olive oil with spinach and halved cherry tomatoes.

Slow Cooker Turkey White Bean Chili. This was pretty bland (even for me!)—next time I would season the meat. I also think slow-cooker recipes should have a warning label if you have to cook something before you put it in a slow cooker (the turkey and the onions/ peppers in this case). It adds a degree of difficulty! I did feel quite pleased with myself when I was chucking everything in while tending to a fussy bebe and then again at the end of the day when it was done.

No Bake Lactation Cookies. Now listen, do I think these lactation products work? I have my doubts based on personal experience. Will I keep trying them? Yes. Were these delicious? Also yes.

Caprese Chicken Skillet. This is from a cookbook called Well Plated I just ordered off Instagram. I left the chicken on too long but that was my mistake. High potential for a redo, love all things Caprese. (I just realized I have one of those clear cookbook holder doodads, yet I pulled this recipe off the Internet and cooked from that. My last 2 brain cells were not cooperating on that one!)

Chocolate Lactation Smoothie. See above re my reservations about whether these work or not. This wasn't particularly delicious or satisfying so I will continue hacking smoothies together my own way. We just got a sweet new blender so there will be more smoothies ahead.

Curry Chicken Salad. My ongoing quest to recreate this one discontinued Whole Foods wrap. This one was pretty close! I made it into open-face sandwiches with whole-wheat English muffins. Left out the raisins because I didn't want it to be too sweet. (It's listed as Whole30 although I didn't pay too much attention to the requirements because I'm not doing that.)

Tuscan White Bean Pasta. Doubled the garlic but still found this kind of bland? It was solid and hearty but just missing some excitement. Will probably redo.

Salted Chocolate Tart with Kettle Chip Crust. Another recreation, this one of a Stephanie Izard dessert I love and can't get any more. This was so delicious and honestly fun to put together (feeding the potato chips into the food processor was a real novelty). I'd never made ganache before and now I'm scared at how easy it is. My crust didn't hold together so great so next time I will work on that. Will redo and maybe add peanut butter ganache???

[madd-information]

I saw your advice of dipping one's toe to another anon...I unfortunately didn't do that & now I'm confused is it good or bad? A lot of the information is scary...for someone whose thinking spirals I started fearing I would develop every mental illness mentioned.

The thing is I've never considered my daydreaming weird or freaky till the internet.

My mdding hasn't stopped my life yet. I have one of my dream jobs & degree. I literally used to daydream & create story boards for this job as a little girl.

At this stage I still know how to shutdown & study. & I have to be an active listener & take notes & read material beforehand. I even put dense documents in word document & play "read aloud" while also reading, it keeps me focused.

It's hard but I can. I've always known I have to work harder for decent or great marks & my ambition & Faith has mostly driven me to put in that extra work. But I always thought that all the hard work I do is due to my lack of concentration I've never focused on the idea that my daydreams were to developed or taking over my life or at least attempting to. My cousins & my mom used to make fun of the fact that at night before sleeping I would just stare in the distance (daydreaming) until I fell asleep or that I would just be smiling randomly at times.

I am working on being more social so i can get friends etc. I honestly think that my lack of social skills has more to do with my personality than my mdding. I like being alone. I hate trying to fill awkward silences & I'm extremely shy. My sister is my current best friend cause she loves me no matter what.

Cause people tend to bully me in real life. The last time I had friends I loved was at age 10 (I miss them so much) & I'm in my 20s now. I feel like women become meaner the older we get. Ive tried making friends at work but people were abusive in different ways. But I'm actively going to work on getting friends this year. I've decided to push myself to join group things (I just need to find things that are safe during covid times). I watched a video of one of my fav youtubers & she said she zooms with her friends at least once a week. So that is my aim to find friends to zoom with once a week with.

Basically my question is, is mdding bad or good?

How do you know it's good or bad? It's just weird to me that when I was younger people encouraged things like imaginary friends so many TV shows had kids with imaginary friends etc. But now my imagination is bad & means I'm ill. I'm genuinely confused.

I never had an imaginary friend as a kid & thought I was weird for that but I had stories which I would write down or tell my sister. As I grew older I kept them to myself I thought of writing them down but grew to lazy. I should've cause I think I had at least one gem. My mdding now has become stale and is about my ideal husband, my future goals career wise, my dream home & dinner parties. On occasion & quite recently though I've been daydreaming about being the new Tarantino. So I've decided to join a writer's club in my area they are waiting for covid to slow down before restarting for 2021. I dont know if that would fulfill my mdding of writing a stellar film & debuting in Cannes. But hey it's worth a try. 😀

But I'm excited to join the writing group.

I've taken up painting during quarantine cause I daydreamed about being a painter. I have a year to get good.

I tried surfing cause a movie I watched made me daydream about my dream guy being a surfer. I need a few more swimming lessons to take up that daydream 😂

Besides Tarantino, I've also daydreamed I was a musician so obviously I'm looking for affordable guitar lessons & vocal lessons. I live in a small town but I'll find something. 😀 whether or not that would fulfill my desire to record an album & daydreaming about a tour I dont know.

Also daydreaming makes exercise bearable. I could probably be more productive & study while exercising but I prefer daydreaming while exercising it helps me forget the pain.

I just hate when my mdding sneaks up on me at work. But I then have to use my meditation tools focusing on being present. Headspace has a great series on Netflix. I can daydream all day if I have no work, school, church or not around others. Otherwise if I am doing any of that I need to be present & that's my goal for 2021.

This is weird. Definitely pathetic. Probably a sign of an unfulfilled life? But is it bad?

Anonymous said:

Also another weird thing I do is I imagine my fav podcasts as dinner parties where I can give input cause I'm extremely opinionated. I like the different personalities on the podcast & wish they were my friends.

“Basically my question is, is mdding bad or good?”

MD is inherently negative in some way.  The daydreaming itself isn’t the bad thing, but our relationship with it.  I tend to explain it as akin to a food addiction.  Food is good and it is needed for us to live as functional human beings, like daydreaming it is a normal part of life which cannot just be ‘quit’.  But our relationship with food can become disordered and lead us to unhealthy behaviour and negative outcomes. Knowing if your relationship has tipped into the realm of unhealthy is the tricky part, and is negotiable to an extent, like how we can indulge in junk food regularly and still consider ourselves healthy and happy with our habits.

This line is different for everyone and there’s no real this-is-exactly-when-it-becomes-bad answer. The best we can do is make an honest evaluation of our lives, speak about it to a therapist if possible, and make our best determination.  

Here are some papers you can read to give you a better understanding of MD.  And here are some measures which might give you an idea about where you stand.  (note: these are measures meant for clinical use and were not intended for self diagnosis, they are provided to give you an understanding of what MD might look like)