#i'm hypervigilant and hyperaware all day every day and the fact that most people are NOT like this is absolutely insane to me | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

actual-changeling · 1 year

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how do people live without constantly being afraid. not in an anxiety way or having something concrete to worry about, i'm just constantly scared simply because i am alive and existing.

i know this is a consequence of all the trauma and abuse i went through but it's genuinely wild to me that people exist and go without their day feeling. normal. and not like this.

#alex gets personal #even in my own flat which is a studio apartment #i look around and do a 360 periodically without even noticing i'm doing it #just. checking i guess. seeing if everything is fine. safe. listening to hear any yelling or footsteps #when i moved two years ago it took me forever to stop staring at my door all day #i slept with a knife under my bed for weeks and still do when i get more paranoid and psychotic #i need something solid in my back or i start panicking #ever sudden or loud noise makes me flinch and my own doorbell almost gives me a heart attack every single time #i'm hypervigilant and hyperaware all day every day and the fact that most people are NOT like this is absolutely insane to me

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