#i'm listening to in the dream house by carmen maria machado while working on this and it's really good so far but i knew that it would be

[mattodore]

we’re back to editing again🚶

[felinemotif]

i’m very curious now—what are your favorite books? (not giving a number or genre or anything so you can list as many or as few as you’d like 💞)

livvy, this is my favorite question to be asked. like, ever. i love talking about what i read jaja. i am going to attempt to keep this list somewhat orderly and of reasonable quantity, just because i know there's so much and honestly, it's ever-changing and ever-growing because i tend to purchase a couple of books each week (and that doesn't even touch my library card).

i am... so sorry for the length of this. warning that some of these recommendations include memoirs about sa and abuse. umm this includes everything from memoirs to textbooks.

in no particular order (beyond in the dream house, which will forever be at the top of any list):

in the dream house by carmen maria machado. i own SEVEN copies of this book. i have read it in two languages. i live and breathe it. the day i don't recommend this book is the day after i died, and quite honestly i might just crawl out of my grave to shove it into someone's face one more time. it's my favorite memoir. hell, it's my favorite thing to read in general. i once carried it around in my purse for an entire YEAR despite having finished it the day i bought it originally. it has the most interesting narrative style and prose i have ever encountered. it also has a long list of trigger warnings as it's a memoir centered around domestic abuse in a wlw relationship. it's powerful & poignant. it also sucks you right in, because carmen chose to use you for her memoir instead of i.

her body and other parties by carmen maria machado. this is carmen's only other published work (she's had her hand dipped in others, but these two are the ones solely written by her; i also recently picked up a copy of carmilla that was edited by her!). i am a sucker for this woman's writing, everyone who knows me knows that, so it's no surprise that she's on this list twice. if she ever publishes a third story, i have no doubt it will become a favorite as well. she phrases things in such crazy, thought provoking ways. it's made me stop and think multiple times. you would never think to word things the way that carmen does. this one is a collection of short stories. my favorite was the husband stitch. there are horror elements. it's a collection that really makes you reflect on what it means to be a woman in a male-dominated society.

i am not myself these days by josh kilmer-purcell. a very intimate memoir, it goes into depth regarding his time alternating as an ad exec during the day and a drag queen at night. saw someone on goodreads call it as mesmerizing as a train wreck-- which about sums it up and is what prompted me to read it in the first place. it's loud, it's raunchy, it's in your face about real life problems, it's queer. it talks about the love he had for a male escort and struggles with addiction. it's honest in the highs-and lows of the glitz and glam. dark. and also written in the very early 2000s so while the issues faced aren't outdated, much of the language is.

i'm glad my mom died by jennette mccurdy. listen, i have some major mommy issues. we went no contact when i was 16. i knew going into it that this was going to be a hard-hitter for me. i kid you not, i used up multiple boxes of tissues while reading this. my copy is covered in annotations and highlights and tabs. it looks like it's been through hell and back. though jennette shares a story of shame, anxiety and various disorders, she does so with a strong voice. it's raw. probably the most helpful memoir i've ever read. i still have a lot of healing to do regarding my own childhood and it's often difficult to talk about, but reading this helped. it's like objectively i know i'm not alone in my trauma, that it's not only my mom who was bad. but it can be difficult to remember that when you're sitting by yourself and questioning 'what did i do that made it so my mom couldn't love me'.

there was a quote i particularly resonated with.

[I have no idea how to go about doing this. I have no idea how to go about life without doing it in the shadow of my mother, without my every move being dictated by her wants, her needs, her approval.]

no longer human by osamu dazai. semi-autobiographical. it's a very quick read, less than 200 pages. i think i read it in about half a day. osamu dazai remains one of japan's most well-known authors, and for good reason. the character he tells his story through, oba yozo, feels incapable of connecting with the world and the people in it. he remarks on things without sentimentality while yearning to understand those that do. it's bitter and depressive and deals with life in a postwar japan, digging into oba's relationship with his family and women, and his struggles with suicide attempts. additional warnings for misogyny, but i figure that's to be expected given the time it was written.

my husband by maud ventura. i read this one because a book reviewer i trust said that 'if you liked the tv show, you, then this is for you.' and she was right. it depicts a successful 40 year old french woman who seems to have it all. but she's obsessively in love with her husband, and is paranoid as to whether or not he returns her affections. directly from the summary:

[But she's never quite sure that her passion is reciprocated. After all, would a truly infatuated man ever let go of his wife's hand when they're sitting on the couch together?]

it's a contemporary thriller that keeps you on the edge of your seat. i knew when i started the book that the wife's mindset is dangerous, and yet at times she convinced me to start rooting for her. if the stranger in stranger danger was a character, it'd be her.

white nights by fyodor dostoevsky. i'm a fiend for dostoevsky. russian lit is something that came into my life via the gayest method possible: i went to the bookstore a few years ago because i needed to read crime and punishment (also by dostoevsky...there's a pattern here), but i couldn't locate it so i asked the cashier (who happened to be a beautiful blonde with a minor in russian language and literature-to this day i still think to myself 'what are the odds') to help me find it. SOMEHOW she managed to convince me to purchase multiple other russian lit books that day, plus wrote other rec's for further reading in orange sparkly pen on the back of my receipt. i went into that store expecting to spend maybe $20 and left having spent over $100. i still don't know how that happened, she was pretty; that receipt survived a house fire (literally).

um... but i digress LMAO. anyway white nights is a captivating story set in st. petersburg. it's one of the least depressing things dostoevsky has ever written imo. unrequited love/chance love, solitude, and unflinching tenderness. this is good for the romantics. (i say, as an aro.)

know my name by chanel miller. another memoir. excellently written. i'm sure most people are familiar with her story already, but this is a deep-dive on what it means to be a woman dealing with the aftermath of assault. she was described as being the ideal victim-- there were witnesses, little room for he said/she said. and yet. and yet. she opens up about her shame, both self-inflicted and forced on her by the way society views assault survivors. very raw commentary on rape culture in the usa.

all the lovers in the night by mieko kawakami. depicts a freelance writer in her 30s, struggling with loneliness in a fast-paced city with a huge focus on work. this is a character-focused story. i know that a lot of people dropped this without finishing because it had a very slow start and, to some people, an unsatisfying finish, but to me this story couldn't have been told any other way. mieko was telling a story of mundane life. the writing style reflected as much.

our wives under the sea by julia armfield. i can't possible describe this story without spoiling anything, but take this: it's a wlw story where a woman's wife returns to her after she had been stranded at the bottom of the ocean for quite some time. classic 'came back wrong' trope. it's unsettling. this is definitely a 'you either loved it or hated it' book.

lies our mothers told us by nilanjana bhowmick. an indian woman's burden. this is a nonfiction feminist novel. this is such a powerful work that deals with topics like universal suffrage, capitalism and how it harms people (particularly women), workplace harassment and fair pay. it's radical. it talks about how the women before us fought to give us better futures, how they told us growing up 'when you're older, it will be better' and what it's like to grow up and realize that things are still bad.

a certain hunger by chelsea g. summers. for as much as i talk about cannibalism on this blog, it'd be criminal to not have at least one book depicting it on my favorites list. this features a sex-positive, confident food critic who sometimes has men on her plate, not in her bed. it's unintentionally funny.

boy parts by eliza clark. follows a fetish photographer who is very much a classic female manipulator. if you want to read from the perspective of a narcissist, irina is the character for you. plays fast and loose with consent, autonomy and safety. very violent social commentary.

rise of the necrofauna by britt wray. the science, ethics and risks of de-extinction. the author herself has a PhD and is an acclaimed documentarist, but you hear from many other talented scientists throughout reading. i don't know what else to say; it's exactly what it sounds like. if you heard about people trying to bring back dinosaurs and the woolly mammoth and thought, 'that can't be environmentally friendly or ethically sound' then this book is for you. WARNING that britt wray does NOT 'dumb' anything down. it is not an easy read. i frequently had to stop and do some research to understand what certain things meant.

plants that kill by elizabeth dauncey. a history of the word's most poisonous plants. it talks about the use of plants in medicine, warfare and rituals. complete with detailed diagrams. another text that is exactly what it sounds like. if ethnobotany interests you, you'd enjoy this. otherwise it's probably a dry read.

they drown our daughters by katrina monroe. it's queer. it's modern gothic. it's yet another recommendation of a book featuring womanhood. beautifully eerie and atmospheric. if you're looking for a haunting story with a beach backdrop and strong themes of identity and motherhood.... she's for you.

vampires of el norte by isabel cañas. follows a daughter of a rancher in 1840s mexico. it's a fast-paced historical fantasy where the monsters are both beast and man. childhood lovers separated by tragedy.

shark heart by emily habeck. in their first year of marriage, newlyweds are devastated by the husband's shocking diagnosis: he's slowly turning into a shark. i know it sounds silly and it is, but it's a story of love and loss, with an alternating timeline. the husband is cursed with the knowledge that even after he turns into a shark, he'll still remember everything. magical realism meets enduring love.