#i'm proud of everything else though i think it looks really good 👍

[automatonknight]

id: a digital drawing of miss pauling from team fortress two. it shows her from about the hips up. she's posed with her hands apart, raised at shoulder-level. between them, there are a bunch of colorful dice and simple figurines floating in an arc. miss pauling is looking off to the right with a smile. she's wearing a tophat with a busted top, there's an eye visible inside it, the hat also has a ghost ornament attached to it, a purple suit and a white shirt with a black tie. the background is black with purple silhouettes of ghosts and strands of smoke. end id

[httpiastri]

Questions for “Last Christmas” (extremely random): How tall are you? Thoughts on mint chocolate chip? Favorite form of potato? Favorite form of pasta? Tea order? Something you’re proud of yourself for? Have you ever gone to therapy? Pet peeves? How many tabs do you have open right now? 💞

i'm 174cm tall (google says 5'8.5 feet?) !! well my problem is that i can't do mint at all, i think i'm like... not allergic but almost? because something goes pretty wrong whenever i eat mint 🙃 so no mint chocolate chip for me!

too many good forms of potato to choose just one... i really love tater tots lol even though i have them maybe once per year. in sweden we have something called potatisbullar (i would translate it to potato buns?) which is kind of like a big tater tot, but in the form of a patty. very common in schools, but i always have a bag in the freezer and pop them in the oven, and 20 minuter later i have the best meal ever 🤤 we also have a kind of potato pancake that i really love!! and waffle fries are amazing too. soft potatoes > crispy potatoes. and potato gratin!!! pasta doesn't matter a lot to me, it depends on what kind of sauce imo. penne is great though, works with almost everything!!

i don't actually drink tea... idk, there's just something about it that sits wrong with me. i've tried so many types, but nope. i love ice tea though (the european version, not american) !!

i'm actually proud of myself for being so good with the kids i coach. it's not often that i feel proud of myself for something, but i can sometimes acknowledge that i'm doing a good job with the girls and then i get happy and proud of myself over that <3 i started going to a therapist this fall actually, i went to someone else two times before this summer but we did not click at all (he told me that i need to be angry more 🤨 sorry sir but i am not going to force myself to be angry) lol

oooo a recent pet peeve of mine is girls who have like really high ponytails? idk why?? i used to think they looked really cool and even did them myself, but now i don't wanna look at them. and idk if it counts as a pet peeve but i just can't take people chewing on ice cream (like the water-based ones, ice lollies or whatever)? i get goosebumps just thinking about it?? chewing on regular ice is okay, but i just shivered imagining myself chewing on ice cream, no kidding

i cleaned out all of my tabs and windows yesterday so now i only have one window open with 19 tabs!! feeling tidy 👍

[fiadorable]

100 Great Things in "All Those Who Wander" (SNW)

Star Trek Strange New Worlds season one episode nine... 🧀🧇🥓☕🥶🦖😱💀 nobody talk to me after this

Strange New Worlds | Children of the Comet | Ghosts of Illyria Part 1 & Part 2 | Memento Mori | Spock Amok | Lift Us Where Suffering Cannot Reach | Serene Squall | The Elysian Kingdom | All Those Who Wander

Adding a cut because this is long and mostly me being verklempt and overusing the words "tension" and "growth" in unsexy ways.

I had to delete the first three things on my list because they weren't great things about this episode they were me complaining - so good job me on keeping this positive while dying on the inside 👍😊👍

I am in love with this opening shot, the slow push through the breakfast spread 😍

Love the simulation of morning in Pike's quarters. The forest background is configured to be sunrise instead of night as we usually see it. The shades are up on the windows to let in the light of whatever star they're nearby, and it looks like that's most of the lighting in there right now. It's very cozy and ambient and I could very easily forget they're on a starship.

Uhura's personal log is a nice beginning to the end of her season one arc - she's still questioning her place on the Enterprise, even though she has served with distinction during her time with them and the entire crew has embraced her.

Number One taps her wrist to signal Pike that it's time to wrap things up even though I haven't seen a wristwatch in Star Trek… like ever (someone prove me wrong!). Reminds me of the way I still use my thumb and pinky to mimic answering a landline telephone.

Number One is the stage manager of the Enterprise and I love her for it.

I tried so hard not to meta myself out of the story in this episode the first time around, but it's really hard with a setup like this. WHAT DO YOU MEAN THERE WAS ANOTHER CADET HERE THIS WHOLE TIME? She's toast.

Pike looking directly at Uhura as he talks about being bonded together forever by the family that is Starfleet

Also Pike is a jerk with that intro to Duke's promotion, but I love the way everyone crowds around Duke as he puts on the new rank stripes, congratulating him. No formal ceremony or pomp and circumstance. This crew is a family and big announcements are made at the family barbecues.

Uhura hides behind protocol with Ortegas the same way Number One does with Pike sometimes. Also this scene made me a big ol' Ortegas/Uhura shipper. 😍

Ortegas gracefully extracting herself from the conversation as Pike comes over. Dad will get her straightened out.

"There will always be a place on Enterprise for Nyota Uhura" 🥹

Number One immediately extracts herself from the party to join Pike once Spock comms.

BREAKFAST TROUBLESHOOTING fangirling intensifies

I love the breakfast briefing. Everything about it. I love everyone helping wash up. I love The Look Number One gives Pike when she says (rightly) that Starfleet needs to give the mission to someone else because the K7 mission is already a Priority 1 mission. I love Grumpy La'An fresh off a counseling session coming into the briefing all prickly and slowly unwinding as she's force-fed love and caring from the command team with an assist from M'Benga. I love Pike's "I'm so proud of you" smile as La'An gives in and eats breakfast and enjoys it, doesn't just eat it, but really enjoys it (People survive. Well there's surviving and then there's living). I love Spock's self-conscious glance at La'An as Pike tosses the apron over his head. M'Benga's sass about emergency landings never being scheduled as he works through his breakfast (I imagine he's also working through some Things after last week's episode, taking advantage of the Healing Power of Pike's Food). Una knowing that La'An is stumbling around looking for more cheese. La'An's sass as she lays out her recommendation that Pike has already decided on, probably, and Pike doling out bacon like gold stars. Una's "the fuck you mean 'us' Chris, where the fuck you think you're going?" okay, you're the boss, but I got a bad feeling about this and being completely unimpressed with his little smile and nod that it will be fun little road trip for them all. (RULE #1: IT IS NEVER A GOOD IDEA TO SPLIT UP THE PARTY). Pike's insane dad energy with the tongs and "do not make me turn this car around" and La'An's completely unimpressed teenager look as a response gives me life.

The mission brief is not only on the PADD La'An is holding during breakfast, it's also on the forest screen. Also, close up shot of a mission brief!

Peregrine was off grid, gathering data in uncharted sectors. Were they looking for something? General exploration? I need to know. Somebody write me a fic about the doomed mission of the Peregrine (I love the ship's name, too - what an elegant way to class up a Constitution Sombra class ship)

Splitting up the mission with the captain and first officer is an incredibly smart thing to do, although it absolutely should have been Una on the planet and Pike going to K-7, but for the particulars of this story, it needed to be done as it was. Good job not unloading the entire senior staff onto the planet.

THE ART IN THIS EPISODE IS SO GOOD omg seeing Peregrine on the planet is GORGEOUS 😍

Uhura dying in the cold as Hemmer is like "oh what a nice spring day in ice hell" is everything, and I absolutely adore the grumpy person and their sunshine friend role reversal here

I don't know much about science, but ions seem to be the next biggest threat to Starfleet after the Borg and Illyrians

Human drinking games. Where are the challenge coins?

Gaaaaah the ship looks so freaking cool I cannot get over it!

M'Benga and the time honored tradition of shaking your tech when it doesn't work

Wow, already at 25 things and we're just now to the opening credits. The title sequence is also very beautiful. I have missed it. waits impatiently for season two

Always fascinated at the ways you can gain entry to a starship from the outside

Shipwreck troubleshooting!

Peregrine's crew fought hard against the Gorn. There is blood everywhere, yes, but there are so many last ditch attempts to survive and keep others safe. I salute their crew. I mourn their loss. I am asking again, somebody write the story of the Peregrine and her crew.

Jump Scare! Love seeing Pike unnerved behind the command mask as La'An climbs into the ship. Mount does such a great job showing Pike's humanity underneath the role of the captain.

La'An bringing the captain's commbadge to Pike

"Captain's Log, Stardate… I'm not even sure" 😭

IT'S THE GORN IT'S THE GORN IT'S THE GORN AND PIKE SENT THE ENTERPRISE ON TO K-7 OH NO 🦖

Holy shit, I mean, I have seen this episode a few times now and the part when they're listening to the captain's log is always so tense and wonderfully done. And Pike directing M'Benga and Spock to go get the others from outside always gives me Jurassic Park's Muldoon vibes.

Pike immediately turns to his security officer and asks her what she wants to do. I love it. I'm here for it. So different from Memento Mori where she had to convince him that she was right. And you can see her growth so much in this episode in everything she does, from the counseling to acknowledging that yeah she wants to kill all the gorn but she understands getting survivors off the planet is what they should focus on and then to her interactions with Oriana throughout the episode, and then eventually her leave of absence at the end. This season was La'An's journey just as much as it was Uhura's.

I LOVE THE BLUE ALIEN SO MUCH. I could not tell if he was CG or makeup at first, but I believe it's entirely makeup and costuming and it is PHENOMENAL he is my FAVORITE alien in season one.

La'An 😠: "The universal translator isn't processing it. Uhura, do something." Uhura 🤨: "That's not how linguistics works!"

Uhura taking the lead on this encounter vs trying to hide from it on the comet is beautiful. Pike and La'An both trust her at this point. Uhura is able to walk out in front of the captain and calmly, confidently get Buckley to back down. She is growing into herself as a bamf Starfleet officer whether she recognizes it or not 🥹

Chapel and Spock lamenting over Duke's inattention

The way Spock says "one does not take pride in logic" communicates the exact opposite and Chapel finds this endearing

Hemmer and Uhura having a moment together. He is such a good mentor for her. He calls her on her bullshit and sees exactly who she is and lays down some heavy, heavy advice that is good for us ALL to remember, that we are stronger in our love for one another than separated and alone and that pain is a part of life 😭😭😭 ignore me

La'An and M'Benga's traumas clashing in sickbay before everything goes to hell. I like the continuity that M'Benga is very much Not Okay after his daughter's… nebulafication? And I like that he is the one that pushes La'An to help Oriana, to reinforce the fact that La'An has changed, she has grown, and she will be able to help Oriana in a way that M'Benga or anyone else on the ship cannot.

Good god I never want to see Spock afraid again I cannot handle the tension (I do not watch horror movies often because the amount of dramatic irony in a lot of them initiates a warp core overload and melts down my dilithium matrix, and to cope I pick apart and over analyze everything which just pisses off everyone around me)

M'Benga teasing Spock about being jumpy… has everyone on board figured out that teasing Spock is hilarious?

Oh fucking hell, my favorite alien is toast as well

I might be wrong, but I think Buckley is trying to tell them he's infected with the eggs. He says that same pattern of words earlier, too.

Traumatized child running away as the alien gets more and more sick is the first sign that you should RUN THE HELL AWAY

Buckley has this little spherical amulet necklace thing with some inscriptions on it that we get to see right before the chest-bursting scene. It feels religious to me? And I love seeing the character building they put into him even though he is the delivery mechanism for the horror plot.

JESUS FUCKING CHRIST THE GORN ARE XENOMORPHS (that's a direct quote from me on my first viewing) and they are ugly as sin freshly incubated

Also, Chia, darling, sweetheart, run. I'm begging you, ru—oh, oh no, yeah, she's, yeah… has anybody in a red shirt died this season or is it all blues and yellows golds?

Chapel freaking out as the baby gorn ransack sickbay, well done Jess Bush

Gorn vision!

Sam Kirk and M'Benga scolding and teasing Duke and Pike and Spock trying to cheer him up

Also Duke sitting in the hatch made me so nervous and I am very vindicated that this is how he meets his demise

OH SHIT those little baby gorn ripped Duke right out of Spock's hands. Also, the flip from Pike ordering them to hold Duke still so that he doesn't hit the lieutenant to firing blindly as he's dragged away because he'll either save him or give him a more merciful end (might be reading a bit much into that part, but this is my post and my head canons)

Spock looking at his hands afterward. Reminds me of: "They look like big, good, strong hands, don't they? I always thought that's what they were." -Rockbiter in the Neverending Story

Chapel is in shock and La'An is surprisingly kind about it, taking over scanning for the biosignatures. Also I am curious about La'An's statement that the gorn have found a way to evade their sensors as it implies this wasn't only the case? Is she suggesting the Gorn have evolved in such a way, in such a short time, that renders them invisible to Federation scanning technologies? Uh, because shivers. I don't think that's the case, but there are a few moments from her character this episode that don't mean what the writers intend them to mean imo.

Oriana confirming that the Peregrine's crew sacrificed themselves to kill the rest of the gorn

La'An connecting with Oriana and getting her on their side, earning her trust, overcoming that PTSD flashback and focusing on Oriana, on the present in a way she struggled with during Memento Mori, using her lessons from Pike on how to get a miracle out of your crew and THEN QUOTING PIKE'S SURVIVING VS LIVING FROM EPISODE ONE AND I AM NOT OKAY 😭😭😭😭

oh shit, I just realized Hemmer and Uhura have no idea about the baby gorn at this point when they turn the power back on, presumably at the same time Duke is meeting his end

M'Benga offering to sedate Kirk 😂 and Pike gently insisting that he's fine

I admire the calm, even tone Pike has when telling everyone to get back to sickbay

The gorn falling out of the ceiling like a pile of bricks in Engineering will never not be funny to me 🤣

Hemmer pushes Uhura out of the way as the gorn starts to spit the acid egg slime. He yells, "No!" and he is so worried that Uhura will get hit by it, you can hear the way his voice trembles. He shoves her and takes the hit. He saves her life. He does it willingly and intentionally. He is the best of them. 😢😢😭😭

Watching the crew in this pressure cooker of an episode is really fascinating. Nothing bothers or flaps Hemmer. Kirk gets angry. Spock shields himself in knowledge and logic. M'Benga is quietly sarcastic. Uhura gets shaky but brilliant. Chapel gets quiet.

Pike yelling "Hey" when the kids start fighting in the backseat and regaining control, constantly reinforcing, like Hemmer, that they are stronger together and they will only make it out of here alive by working together.

M'Benga carries Oriana on his back and then puts her in the captain's chair 😢

Pike and M'Benga are dadding up the bridge omg

This is a positive post so I am not going to expound upon everything that is wrong and irresponsible about Pike's command codes, but just so you know it fills me with rage

Also M'Benga knows Pike's command code from way back when and I need more stories of them from way back when

"…I will do what I must to protect the lives of this crew." I don't know if he suspects what's wrong at this point or not, but Hemmer… Hemmer…. 😭

Watching everyone get ready for this plan is like watching Macauley Culkin rig the Home Alone trap, but with Alien music instead of Christmas!John Williams.

Gaaaaah the gorn is crawling sideways on the wall

Kirk yelling "We got one in the chute!" is very funny to me for some reason, but I think it's just all the tension making me a bit slap happy at this point

Kirk telling Uhura she really is good at everything and Uhura just being like "mf-er shut up I just outran a gorn let's get out of here"

Spock has Buckley's weapon! I love it so much. I want to use it in a video game. It's amazing. So much more interesting than the phasers and the compression phaser rifles Starfleet uses.

Spock releasing his anger is… intense. I get chills every time I watch it. Ethan Peck slams it right out of the park. I watched this scene so many times to write a fic and it does not lose its power on repeat viewings. And even once the gorn are trapped and fighting each other you can tell he is Not Okay.

Kirk having a moment listening to the gorn turn on each other, just as they were starting to do earlier before Pike pulled them all back

La'An literally facing her past, her fears, her trauma. La'An screaming in the face of danger and that which has controlled her life for so long. La'An remaining in control despite all of this, saving her crewmates. La'An taking back her life as she shatters the frozen gorn. La'An is doing so good. 🥹

Freeze dried gorn 🥶

jesus fuck the look on Pike's face when we cut back to the bridge and M'Benga says "It's dead, Chris" and Pike has to look at him to confirm he heard right

Hemmer locking the door so no one else can get in and try to save him. He knows he's a dead man walking. And I think he knows that La'An will be able to kill him if he's not able to get himself away quick enough. And La'An knows that, too. The trust between them in this scene is not stated at all through the dialogue, but I can feel it in the acting.

If the Enterprise wasn't at K-7, then they might have been able to save Hemmer. Maybe. But that's a stretch. Because if this season has taught us anything, it's that Starfleet medicine is not the be all end all it's portrayed to be in later Trek series, and taking chances with the gorn? I don't know. I don't know. This is a crew desperate to save their friend, though, and they would have tried hard.

The goodbyes. The… the goodbyes. Spock acknowledging the logic in Hemmer's decision. Hemmer's last advice to Uhura, to open herself to others and find joy more than sadness, and Uhura's quiet Hemmer, please, please as she cries for her friend, her mentor, and Chapel just wraps her up in a hug.

just. like. andoria.

just like andoria

I AM NOT OKAY

Hemmer turning around to face his crew, his friends, the people he loves most. Making eye contact with La'An. Her turning away as he lets himself fall. The exterior shot of him and the ship and the planet and light. It's a lot. A lot a lot a lot. Of both good and bad things, but this is a post about good things, so thanks for the emotional throat punch, Paramount.

That wide shot of the bridge and Pike slumped in the captain's chair 💔

Enterprise towing Peregrine away also make me giggle, but that is 100% just because I am in severe emotional distress and my body can no longer process appropriate reactions at this point. Although I really do love this shot, the way Enterprise feels solemn as it tows escorts Peregrine, the way Peregrine's warp nacelle is busted to hell and the deflector dish doesn't even exist anymore. It's a very quiet, calm shot after a lot of frenetic energy in this episode, and it feels comforting. Enterprise came back. And it wasn't in time for all of them, not by a long shot, but they came back and now they are going to go home and tell everyone what they saw, what they experienced.

I love Ortegas' speech. We never got to see her and Hemmer interact, but it rings true.

Uhura's speech… Uhura's… I can't 😭😭😭😭

breathes

okay

Uhura has literally lost every single person in the world that has meant anything to her except for her grandmother in the last five years. And instead of becoming bitter and using Hemmer's death as an excuse to continue shielding herself from the pain of living and connection she lives his purpose: to fix what is broken, by surrounding herself with people she loves. And while we do not condone fridging people for character growth... she would have gotten to this point eventually with Hemmer alive. It may have taken a little longer, but she was already on this path.

Angry Spock and Conerned Chapel. Goddamn he punches the shit out of that wall panel.

Its subtle, and I'm not sure if its supposed to be a Thing or not, but during their confrontation in the hallway, Spock has some serious five o'clock shadow verging on actual stubble going on, which is Very Unlike him. He is always very clean shaven. That is a Vulcan cry for help.

Chapel and Spock hugging in the hallway, and Spock's relief at the momentary validation of his feelings that Chapel grants him in this moment before he slams the door shut and walks away.

Pike drinks a lot in season one. He drinks liquor like Picard drinks earl gray and I really need it to be commented on because at this point it looks like he is self-medicating with it. Blah blah blah the gorn blah blah blah deserves to relax after that blah blah blah look it's a thing and can become a crutch and an addition without you even realizing it and it deserves to be acknowledged.

La'An and Pike's conversation. 😭 Pike telling La'An that however long it takes to help Oriana find her family, to come back to the Enterprise, come back to them, come home. La'An calling him Chris for the first time, thanking him for everything. Such a good scene. And if you compare it to their conversation in the first episode, it's such a great bookend for their relationship. In the first episode, they don't know each other. He is the captain, she is the security chief with a chip the size of the Federation on her shoulder. Other people are challenging for her, she says. He folds her into the flock. Mentor, mentee. And here in this conversation, there is such a great sense of time passing, the weight of their shared experiences coloring their interactions. It's quieter, more meaningful. They are more like equals than captain and subordinate. They are friends. Marvelous acting and writing here.😭

Uhura stepping onto the bridge again, filled with wonder, and, I hope, a sense that she belongs there, that she is included in that exultation of greatness and achievement represented by the Enterprise crew she spoke about in her opening personal log.