#i'm so sad my hair was growing back and now it's patchy again

[doberbutts]

Tomorrow I talk to my doctor about top surgery and starting the process for scheduling, as well as my regular T checkin, and it's Pride so here's a list of things 8 months in:

Recently I have been Noticing The Fuzz quite a lot- my arms my legs my stomach my ass. Nothing on my chest and patchy on my face still. Can't grow hair on my cheeks but sure can between em 🙄 every once in a while I feel a tickle and look down and oh. That's MY hair.

Last actual cycle was in March, and even that was a piddley sad spotting that didn't even need a pad. Ideal really.

I have. Gained a lot of weight 😅 I'm more okay with it than I was but I do grumble still about the fat padding around my hips. I think it makes me look solid and blocky and I'm loving it.

I've also gained a lot of muscle. Without going to the gym, just doing my everyday stuff, I've gained a lot of arms and shoulders and back muscle on top of the belly fat. Lifting heavy things is way easier. And my joints and bones don't ache as much anymore.

My first fainting episode since I started T happened a couple weeks ago while I was positioning a dog on the xray table- he's long and low and uncooperative and I was bent double trying to wrangle him while the doctor was doing her thing when suddenly my body went 🤷‍♂️ floor time 🤷‍♂️ and I only stayed upright because I was able to sag into a chair while keeping my position. One in 8 months is a new record for me, but a good reminder that "better" isn't "cured". But also good to know that I have to ignore pretty much every rule my body has enforced the ladt three decades before it decides to punish me for my hubris.

Surprisingly this month the constant horniness sort of wore off. Whereas before it was "if I don't orgasm at minimum twice per day I Will Die", now it's "huh, that'd be nice right now". The constant hunger is starting to abate too, it's "food is delicious and hits pleasure centers in my brain" instead of "I AM STARVING FEED ME PLEASE".

Oh god The Stankening. It's hot now and I take Phoebe for a daily walk and by the time I get home 😱😱😱 it's bad. I sweat a lot more than I used to so I've got it under control for my mostly sedate job but definitely not when adding exercise.

I was afraid I'd lose my heat tolerance because initially I was getting a lot of hot flashes but if anything I'm still fine in the heat AND I'm more hardy in the cold. Take that, metabolism.

Historically I've always fit a men's medium and I might actually be toeing the line to a large now. Not because of my stomach but because of my arms and shoulders. My scrubs are pretty restrictive across the shoulderblades. At 30 I didn't really expect my shoulders to widen but they sure did. My arms, too, are beginning to chafe at the sleeves, too bulky for the tighter sleeve cuff I'm used to wearing. I don't really want to re-buy my wardrobe *again* but I may have to.

Stamina continues to be noticably higher than it used to be. I can be outside gardening and weeding and tending my lawn all day and nothing will happen except that I will be incredibly stinky and my back somewhat sore.

Still about 80/20 passing vs not. Significant improvement if that person has never met me prior to this point in my transition. Still called "lady" and "she" and "woman" to my face at the front desk by returning clients or folks on the phone. It's not deliberate but it is annoying.

My cholesterol is fine but my blood pressure did raise from its usual- benefit is that it makes me feel better than ever but drawback is that it's something to keep an eye on with my history of heart problems.

Voice still cracks and bounces around everywhere but I do like my singing voice now when I can get it to cooperate.

Way more in control of my emotions.

Also way more attention on various dating apps. Where were all these guys in my dms before??? Not a day goes by that I don't have several new "hey cutie"s sliding up into my dms. Hello??? Sir??? I know I'm hot now but god damn.

[fandom-blackhole]

19. Summer Camp AU

73. Stranded Due to Inclement Weather

I haven't seen a summer camp AU and now I'm OBSESSED WITH THE CONCEPT

Just gonna preface this with the fact that I am currently working as an on campus RA and I kind of got the idea from that....

19. Summer Camp AU

 73. Stranded Due to Inclement Weather 

Okay, so I wanna start this off in kind of a cute way. So when you were in highschool, there was the summer camp that you would go to every year. At the summer camp you had fun, but you had trouble with making friends, always tending to stick to the back of the group, not really wanting to deal with the drama floating around and the over all rowdy-ness of the kids your age. There at the back of the group was always another boy, who kept to himself, and never really interacted with people. It took you your second summer there, to finally introduce yourself to him, and after that you and Din Djarin became close friends. The two of you were practically glued together, never going anywhere without the other, unless it was time to go to your cabins at night. Din was sweet and kind to you, and over the years you found yourself crushing on the boy, but not doing anything because you didn't want to loose him as a friend. Then, your last day, or your last summer at the camp, Din grabbed your hand and placed his necklace he was always wearing in your hand, the one with the 'mudhorn signet' as he had called it, saying, "I...I....I want you to have this, to, um, well so you don't forget about me...." You flipped out and looked at him sad and panicking saying that you didn't have anything for him in return. He had only replied saying he didn't need anything to remember you, but last minute, still panicking and thinking that this might be the last time you see him, you reached up and pulled him down into a kiss. It was short and sweet and you didn't want to pull away but you had too. After that day, you wore his necklaces religiously, everyday, and swore you would see him again. But the days, months, years passed and before you knew it you were fully an adult. Stressed, you take a vacation from your pointless job to go and visit your home town, and your parents. One morning while you were there your dad made an off hand comment about your old summer camp needing chaperones and helpers, and you immediately jumped at the chance, sending in your application. A week letter you received a letter saying that you got the job and that you needed to come to the camp sight next week to help set up for the summer. Time passed quickly, and before you knew it, you were walking along the old summer camp feeling nostalgic and happy. The place looked the exact same, the main building/cafeteria was still in the middle of the property, surrounded by several cabins, in the back there was a volleyball pit and some rope swings, and behind those was the glittering deep blue lake. Smiling while reminiscing on old times, you walked into the main building. Inside, you found a man with his back to you talking to another woman. As you got closer you couldn't take your eyes off the man, he had an air of familiarity about him, his wide shoulders, narrow waist (and nice ass, not that you were looking at it....), and dark and unruly curl hair. When you got up next to him, he had finished speaking with the woman and you softly cleared your throat saying, "Excuse, this is my first year working here, could you point me to what I need to be doing?" Then the man was turning around, and the first thing you noticed was his cute and patchy facial hair as well as his arms you previously had thought were crossed were holding a young toddler. When you finally looked up to meet the man's eyes you were immediately thrown into the past, seeing the rich deep brown that held nothing but kindness, and at the same time the two of you said eachother's names. You said it more surprised, while Din whispered your name shocked and with a touch of disbelief. Unconsciously you reached up for the necklace that he had given to you years before, while saying, "Maker Din, i swear you have grown a whole other foot since I seen you last." Sheepishly, with a light dusting of pink falling across his cheeks, Din said, "Well..you..you have grown so much prettier..." Then immediately after his eyes widened and he rushed out, "Wait no, I, uh, didn't mean it like that, I just meant..." You just

giggled at him and said, "I see you are still great with words Din." The rest of the day passed quickly, the two of you setting up and talking about whats happened since you last saw the other. You found out that Din had been working at the camp since he was old enough to apply, and to the point that he was the head of the camp, practically running the place by himself, besides the owner. And when he explained that the young toddler, whose name is Grogu, he had adopted, he wasn't his biologically, never having been in a long committed relationship, well you were more relieved than you should have been. After the kids showed up and things picked up for the summer, the two of you worked as pretty much the perfect team. Din was good with the kids, always coming up with and doing activities that had all the kids joining in and having fun. While you were great with talking with the kids, and sorting through any problems or teenage drama. You often found Grogu following you around with smiles, as he came to you for attention when he felt his father wasn't giving him enough, by his little standards. Whenever your were playing with or spoiling the little child, you tended to feel like someone was watching you but you often brushed it off. All together the summer passed with little problem, but lots of tension that slowly built over over time between you and Din. The last day was spent in pretty much chaos as throughout the day parents came and picked up their kids, and by the time it was getting dark the last kid was leaving and you were exhausted and just ready to sleep. The next day was spent cleaning up the buildings and most of the staff leaving, until it was only you, Din, and Grogu. Grogu had been getting fussy as Din was finishing putting away some heavier boxes, so you had taken the child and put him down for a nap. Shortly after the child fell asleep, Din sneaked into the staff cabin you both had been staying at, whispering, "We should be heading out, that large thunderstorm is rolling in faster than what was predicted. Do you need help carr-" Mid sentence Din stopped talking, and when you looked up to meet his eyes, you saw him reach forward brushing his thumb of the necklace that was no longer tucked into your shirt. You had been hiding it the entire summer, not brave enough to bring up that final day together years ago. But now Din softly brushed his thumb back and forth over the necklace, before whispering, "You actually kept it?" "Of course I did, I have worn it everyday since." Then he met your eyes, and looked down at your lips for a second, before leaning in slowly so you could pull away if you wanted, then his lips crashed with your own and you were tangling your fingers in his hair, pulling you closer. After that one thing led to another, and you both had ended up sleeping together, going at it multiple times before completely falling asleep tangled together for the night. After an hour of peaceful sleeping you both were jolted awake by the a loud crack of thunder. Looking at eachother you both said, "Shit" before jumping apart and scrambling to get dressed. In your little tryst, the two of you had completely forgotten about the storm. And now, Din was running to get his crying son, as you peaked out the window. The storm outside was raging so hard that you couldn't even see the next cabin over, the wind was howling and you could hear branches snapping and trees growing from the amount of wind. Turning around you looked at Din when he entered the room and said, "We aren't leaving anytime soon. If I remember correctly this story is supposed to last for a day or so. So we better hunker down?" Din sighed and nodded, passing Grogu to you and saying that he was going to go whip something up for dinner. The weather just progressively continued to get worse and worse, at one point the small cabin lost power and Din went around lighting any candles he could find, and dragging every blanket and pillow into the living area so you all could sleep together. By the time the frightened child finally fell asleep again, you

and Din were all but exhausted and worried. But you had to admit that falling asleep in his arms right there in the middle of that living room was something you wanted to happen more often, if not forever.

Send me an AU or two??

[shay-iamiam]

°Still| Part 6°

Pairings: Boxer!Bucky x Reader 

Warnings: Angst, fluff, a lot of emotions  

A/N: This is probably not the best thing you've read in your entire life but I'm proud of this little series.

As always thank you for reading my little ol fic! 

Part 5

Series Masterlist  

| Unsteady By X Ambassadors

|

“How long do you think she can hold up in there? She hasn't been home in three days.” Sam and Steve watched you through the windows of Bucky's hospital room. You hadn’t left his side in three days. Your eyes hung heavy with bags, the soft glow of your skin was no more.

You began to look like the walls of the hospital. Dull and lifeless. This wouldn’t be Sam sand Steve's first attempt to get you to leave. They’ve tried several times but you still refused to go.

“She’s leaving now. I don’t care if I have to throw her over my shoulder.” Steve walked quickly in the room. He didn't care if he had to drag you out kicking and screening. You where going home tonight.

“Y/n, I think it’s time you go home. I'm not asking you I'm telling you.”. There was a finality in the tone of Steve's voice. You were tired. Trying to pick of fight with him was useless.

During the drive home you drifted off to sleep. The steady lou of the engine louled you easily.. By the time you woke Steve cut the engine of his truck walking briskly to your side of the vehicle.

“Here I can just carry you up." Steve unbuckled your seatbelt.

"I'm just tired Steve, I'm not completely useless." You slowly stared out the truck. Your bones cracked with every movement

Steve watched as you climbed your way up the stairs. He could see the stress in your shoulders, the way you lugged up the stairs it was like you were ok autopilot. Barely there, barely existing.

You stood facing the dark blue door. You remembered when Bucky's convinced you to let him paint that damn door blue.

-------

“Come on Y/n the lady at the store said it matched my eyes.” Bucky  blinked his eyes rapidly, annoyingly trying to prove his point to you.

“Yeah she was just try to upsell ya on the door Barnes. Hate to break it to you but you've been scammed babe.” You couldn't fight them smile that crept up on. Watching him as he'd realized that he had been scammed.

“But hey, you're still the prettiest boy to me." You cupped Bucky's chin in between your fingers squeezing lighty. “If that means anything to you." You stuck your bottom lip out. You tried to come off sincere but your blatant sarcasm crept through.

“Am I really? Beard stubble and all?" Bucky pouted  like a little kid. Causing you to laugh even more.

“Yes really, even more now with this patchy little beard your trying to grow.”

-------

Turning the key to the door was the hardest part.

You've been avoiding your apartment ever since Bucky was emitted to the hospital. Every corner of the apartment pained you. Every corner was stained with memories of you and Bucky.

You could feel Steve's heavy gaze on the back of your neck. You were touched that he was concerned for you. But you could only take so much pitty. It felt like a permanent fixture in your life. The sad smiles, the knowing glances. All filled with pity.

“Steve you don't have to come in. I promise I'll take a shower and rest for awhile.” Tears began to gather in the corner of your eyes, they were heavy threatening to spill at any moment. You repeat your mantra to yourself.

“If I crack, they crack ."

“Steve really, I can get by on my own."

"I know you can Y/n. Your strong, you've been holding things together for Bucky and he doesn't even know it. But you don't have to be strong all the time. Let me help carry some of the load.” Steves words hit you right in the chest. You turned around almost falling to the ground from the quick movement.

It had been so hard being strong all the time. Smiling and nodding when family and friends told you that Bucky would be in there prayers. You put on a brave face when Bucky's doctors informed you that he may not be the same if he woke from his coma. But you couldn't carry this on your own.

“It's been so hard Steve. I don't think I can go on.. I just need him.. I-I just want him.” You broke down grabbing Steve tight. You tried to keep your sobs inside but they came tearing out of you. All the tears you had bottled up came down falling one after the other.

“I know it hasn't been. I miss him every day. But we have to get through this Y/n he needs us. He needs you more than anything. You can't be there for him if you don't take care of yourself first.”

Steve pulled his sleeves down. Wiping the tears from your face. He encouraged you to breath in and breath out, to gain control of your breathing again. It was no secret your anxiety had gone through the roof since Bucky's accident.

“When's the last time you ate Y/n?” Steve was concerned for you. Not only for Bucky but for you. You had been friends with Steve way before you and Bucky got together. He cared for you than, and he cared for you now all the same.

“I umm… I honestly don't remember.” You hung your head down in embarrassment. You knew you should have been taking better care of yourself. But Bucky was the only thing that invaded your mind.

“It's alright. You go take a shower and I'll make you something while you get cleaned up. Okay?”

"Okay that sounds good.” turning your back towards the front door. You couldn't bring yourself to turn the key and walk in. Steve noticed your hesitation. He wished he could mend your heart back together. But there was only one person who could do that.

“Here how about I unlock the door." Steve hand went out to you gesturing for the key. You passed Steve the key without looking up.

It was now or never.

Steve turned the key slowly, giving you time to brace yourself for the round of emotions you were bound to feel. The click of the door

unlocked as you step through the threshold of your home. Every memory of you and Bucky in this space came rushing back to you all at once.

Your gaze sat up the couch. You thought about all the late nights you had spent there wrapped in Bucky's embrace listening while he spoke of the life he wanted you two to have together.You glanced over the the kitchen.

Every nook and cranny of that small apartment was filled with Bucky. The mugs that never matched, the smell of his cologne, the coffee grounds that were on the kitchen counter. He was everywhere but nowhere at the same time.

The apartment was dim. A sad hue laid heavy over the space. Everything was as you left it, but wrong at the same time.

Steve watched you as you stood frozen in the middle of the living room. He could see every emotions hit you at once. He saw the smile that appeared on your face when you were clearly thinking of Bucky. He could see the pain you felt when you remembered he may not come home again.

There you stood frozen in your grief.

You approached the bedroom door. Your hand stayed still over the knob. But you had to turn it, you had to feel this last emotion. Even if it broke your heart.

You slowly turned the knob, swallowing thickly as you prepared for this. Steve couldn't go in there with you. This one.. this was something you had to endure on your own.

The bedroom looked exactly the same. Not one thing was out of place. The sheets where still the same Bucky's side of the bed was still left undone. You hadn't slept in your

our shared bed since his accident. It didn't feel right laying in bed without him.

You walked over to drawer, rummaging around until you found something that would achor you. Pulling out one of his t-shirts. Lifting the garment to your nose breathing in Bucky's fleeting scent.

The bathroom was the last area of your home you hadn't adventured into. Your mind went back to simpler times. You reminisced on all the simple little things. When Bucky would watch you get ready. The way he'd stare so intensely as you did your hair. Eventually begging you to let him help.

Who knew such a small space could hold the most memories. You stood starting at your reflection in the mirror. You couldn't recognize the woman staring back at you.

Your eyes were sunken in the deep tones of darkness appeared under your once warm and vibrant skin. Beautifully pigmented skin no longer glowed under the lights of the bathroom. Your hair had lost it bounce of curly coily curls.

It was to much.

Your hands fell over the sink as your chest heaved rapidly. Focusing on Sam's words you breathed in deeply and out slowly. You thought the hardest room to be in was the bedroom, but you were wrong. The bathroom made you feel something that you hoped would never come. Grief.

The memory of Bucky and your last shower together took all the air from your lungs.

Your breathing became erratic as you stumbled to the ground. The room wouldn't stop spinning. Your heartbeat was loud in your ears It all came hitting you at once.

You came to the realization that you could live in the world without Bucky Barnes. You missed the moments when you were blissfully unaware of the heartache to come.

And that was to much.

The last thing you heard was your heart beating rapidly. As your vision blurred, your body hitting against the cold tile floor.

Next Part 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A/N: This series is approaching it’s end. This will be my first completed series and I’m having a hard time believing it! I never thought I could finish a series let alone start one. I’m proud of this small little accomplishment.

I hope you all enjoy the final parts to come!😌

Feedback is always appreciated ☄️

Next Part

[lucrezia-dormentaire]

even when i'm with you i can't help feeling like i'm about to break

so...I made a thing. since my tumblr is lacking in original post, I guess why not?

it’s also on ao3

The air is still that morning when Shiro wakes up. The sun, bright and shining, hanging outside his window, no doubt eagerly greeting the lazy couple still butt naked on their bed. He peels away the comfort of the blanket from his body and climbs down the bed, closing the curtain shut with a huff. He still wants to enjoy his perfect, lazy morning, cuddling with the love of his life, and maybe fall back asleep until noon.

When he turns around and scampers back into bed, though, Lance is already awake, sitting with his legs crossed underneath the comforter.

Lance is never an early riser. He gets whiny and cranky every morning, and usually, by now he would have whined about the lack of his needed beauty sleep. Shiro watches his boyfriend in bemusement, eyebrows raising high to his fringe before eyes flick to the alarm clock on the bedside table. It's barely 9 in the morning.

"Well. That's new." Shiro says as he climbs back into the bed. Lance is still sitting there, his hands fidgeting against each other on his laps. His face is set into a frown, one that Shiro isn't unfamiliar with but would rather avoid.

"What's up babe?" He asks, in a calming voice he knows Lance loves so much. Lance doesn't even flinch; his gaze merely flickers in Shiro's direction for a second, before he brings it back down to his laps. Shiro's concern slowly growing higher as the silence stretches longer. At one point, Lance lets out an exhausted sigh, his shoulders are hunch over, and he's clenching his jaws. Shiro is not sure what to make of it, so he sits frozen still, like an animal caught in headlights. Yes, Lance can get pretty icky in the morning, but usually he's really... Loud about it. He moans and complains and yells sometimes, but Shiro can keep up with that. He's not sure what to do with Lance's silence. And then suddenly, those ocean eyes look straight into his, heavy and dark. Shiro inhales shaky breath through his nose.

"We need to talk." Lance says, and those four words are the worst thing Shiro has ever heard in his life. His hand finds the sheet and he curls his fingers through it, searching for something to ground him. He nods, eyes never leaving Lance's. Lance rubs his own wrist, lips parting and closing in search of words. He looks so handsome like this, unsure and nervous, like a small animal. Shiro knows Lance always looks handsome no matter what the occasion is, but he rather has him smiling and enjoying himself, not whatever this is. Shiro can't remember seeing him look so internally consumed—most of the time Lance seems to have a keen interest in the world around him. Shiro shifts closer to take a closer look at his lover, and rests a hand on top of his fidgety ones. He looks wrecked, not beaten up, but simply like he hasn't slept for days.

"Lance?"

"I can't do this anymore, Shiro." Lance's voice is hoarse; choked up. His brows are pulled taut together, signaling his inner turmoil. "Let's... Let's break up."

In a mere second, Shiro's world—everything he's built upon—just shatters into tiny pieces. He takes a deep breath before replying with a tiny voice that couldn't possibly be his, "W-What?"

Shiro's hand hovers awkwardly on top of Lance's, frozen and cold like the current state his heart. Lance shakes his head as his eyes slid close.

"I just... I want to break up with you, Shiro. I can't stand it."

Shiro's eyes widen, cold sweat beginning to run down his nape as he backtracks to their previous night, to the previous day and days before, his mind searching in panic. "Wha... Why? Did i- Did I do something wrong? You-you gotta tell me, Lance, or I..." It's all too sudden, and they just had an amazing sex last night; Lance had said so too! He wasn't like this yesterday, or the day before, or sometimes this week.

"It's just," Lance begins, drawing a breath. Shiro's thumping heart is the loudest in the quiet room. "Every night, you just... Snore. So loud. And I'm losing sleep." He says as flat as possible, and Shiro's jaws go slack.

"What,"

"You're snoring in my ears. And I can't sleep." Lance elaborates, shooting him a level glare.

"Lance... You want to break up with me over me...snoring?" Shiro straightens his posture once again, brows pulled in confusion.

"You don't understand! My sleep means so much for me, and if I'm losing sleep my skin will turn out dry and patchy and it'll grow pimples! I won't be as pretty anymore!" Lance snaps, bringing his fists down to the bed. "And Shiro, I love you. I love you even though you mix up my laundry with your disgusting socks, I love you even though you use the soap to wash your hair, and I love you even though you always secretly eat all my smarties —"

"Wait, you knew?"

"Of course I know!!" Lance pokes a guilty finger right at Shiro's pecs, perfectly manicured nail digging into the skin. "I know what you did behind my back, mister. I just pretended that I don't because it was amusing — the point is, I love you, but your snore is just... It's the one thing I can't handle, Shiro, I'm sorry."

"Lance, it's just... I can't help it!" Shiro starts raising his own voice, a fire burning deep within his gut at Lance's irrational reasoning.

"You can! You could go see a doctor or something!"

"Over a snore?" Shiro snaps back, his tone latching with sarcasm.

Hurt washes over Lance's face in an instant. He pulls his lips into a spoiled pout, his bottom lips trembling. "I told you my sleep is important, didn't I?"

Shiro wills himself to calm down, shifting closer and reaching for Lance's arms. He rubs them in a soft caress. "Lance, you know you will always look the prettiest in my book. I practically worship you. There's not a day where you won't look beautiful to me," and he means it, really. They could be on their sixties and Lance would still as mesmerizing as the day he first laid his eyes on him. He suddenly wants it — to be with Lance until they are sixty or ninety, or more. He wants to spend his life with this boy in front of him. But first he will have to get Lance together first, and maybe he'll find some time to buy him a ring...

Lance suddenly pulls away, crawling away from Shiro's touch. "You don't understand..."

"Lance, I —" as Lance begins to stand up and climbs down the bed, Shiro's mind whirred in panic. Oh shit, he's serious, isn't he? He frantically reaches out for his boyfriend but ends up grabbing the air instead. "Lance..!"

Lance is already making his way to the drawer, quiet as a night. He crouches down, pulling out his shirt and socks messily like he's searching for something.

Shiro immediately gets to his feet, not caring that he's practically naked as he closes the gap between them. "Lance, I get it, I will go see a doctor or something, I swear, I will put it under control! I won't mix up the laundry, or eat anything with your label in it anymore! Just don't..." he runs his hands through his hair and his face, voice shaking. "Just don't break up with me. Please." He pleads, his voice sounding weak at the end. He doesn't dare to step any closer to Lance or to touch him, even though he is within an arms reach. "I love you."

Lance looks at him through his shoulder before bringing his gaze back to the drawer and sighs. "I don't even know why I put up with you. I guess I'm stupid."

"Lance—"

"In a way, you're stupid too." Lance continues. "That snore of yours is just... I once had a nightmare of being chased around by a lawnmower — or was it a man with a chainsaw? Either way, it was crazy. And I can't believe I'm resigning myself to a lifetime of craziness. I suppose I should be prepared."

Shiro has no idea what Lance is prattling about. His mind is still reeling in a panic mode to actually process anything. All he knows is that Lance is not... He's not angry anymore. There's a spark of amusement in his tone, even.

"I want to break up, Shiro. I don't want to be your boyfriend anymore. Its way past its date." Lance says, sending the blood in Shiro's veins to run cold. But then he pulls out a blue velvet box from the drawer and he turns around to face him completely, face devoid any of the previous animosity. "So maybe you'll take me as your husband?"

Shiro's brain short-circuited at that moment, knees failing him as he drops down into the ground. He opens his mouth but closes it immediately as nothing comes out. Waves and waves of relief escape him like strong gust of wind in the scorching hot summer. Lance ducks down so they're eye to eye, flicking the box open, revealing the silver, glimmering ring that sits neatly inside of it.

Shiro is so light-headed he could die.

"I probably won't look as pretty in years and years to come. And if I keep losing sleep I probably won't be pretty in a short amount of time, but will you marry me anyway, Takashi Shirogane?"

And then Shiro cries, because God, he loves this man so much. He can't stop nodding, no matter how ridiculous it may seem. His hand is shaking as Lance takes it in his, and he knows it's still shaking violently as Lance slides the silver ring into his finger. Lance leaves a lingering kiss on his knuckles and Shiro wants to take him away, to an island of short, where it would only be the two of them in their own little world.

"I love you, big guy."

"I love you too, even though you almost gave me a heart attack." Shiro says, eyes still stuck on the ring neatly settled into his ring finger.

Lance chuckles, his grin endearing and Shiro loves it. "Marriage proposal is supposed to be surprising and mind-blowing. It's part of the gig."

"Yes, but what if you killed me in the process? I'm not young anymore, you know that."

Lance's smile turns a little sad. "Neither am I. I guess we're both are getting old."

Shiro shakes his head at the vulnerability his fiance shows him. "No, no, no. You will always be the most beautiful person I have ever laid my eyes on, Lance. Nothing will ever change that."

Lance's eyes are watery now, like a dam about to break. He bites into his lower lips, the intimacy of the moment slowly getting into him. "Even more than Allura?"

"Allura’s got nothing on you." Shiro says, leaning in to place a sweet kiss on Lance's forehead.

Lance sucks in a breath and sobs into Shiro's shoulder, pulling the guy into a warm, loving embrace. Shiro wounds his arms around Lance too, tight, as if he wouldn't ever let him go. He wouldn't. Not after all of this. He hears a chorus of "I'm sorrys" and "I love yous" muffled by his skin, and his hand travels up to craddle Lance's head against him, whispering sweet nothings into his soon to be husband's ear.

Shiro ends up getting his more than deserved lazy morning, as the two of them settled back down on the bed until noon rolls around, and the ridiculous heat is slowly getting on their nerves. But neither of them pulls away, nor even thinking about it. Lance keeps looking at him through his lashes, beautiful blue eyes gleaming in the dimness of the room. Their fingers are tangled to together, occasionally Lance would brush his thumb against the ring on Shiro's finger like he could never get over it. Honestly, Shiro shares the sentiment. Shiro feels so full, chest swelling and overloading with love, and he swears he doesn't know what to do with it except for running his thumb down on Lance's side, tickling his ribs. It's quiet and it's comfortable like they're on the other side of the galaxy and not on earth; boring, dull, earth, but on a planet that belongs only to them.

Lance's stomach grumbling in protest breaks up the tender moment and the two of them all but explodes in laughter, shoulders shaking as they press closer, feeling each other's warmth through connected skin.

"Okay, for the surprise this morning how about I cook you something special, my prince?" Shiro says, bringing Lance's hand closer for a kiss.

Lance's lashes flutter when he smiles. "Oh? Shiro, who never once steps into the kitchen without blowing it out of proportion, suddenly offered to cook me a surprise? Yeahh, I'd rather not."

"I could cook when I try!" Shiro gasps, sounding offended.

"The last time you tried, you burnt my plant." Lance counters with a giggle. "But I appreciate it, thank you darling."

Shiro huffs through his nose, rolling his eyes fondly at his fiance. He smooths his finger against Lance's cheek, mapping it out. Even at the promise of breakfast (or is it lunch now?) Neither of them seems to want to move.

"But honestly," shiro suddenly says, pulling Lance back from his sleepiness.

"Is it that bad? Do you really hate my snoring that bad?"

Lance blinks his eyes a couple time before laughing, loudly, and Shiro's not laughing with him this time. He waits out until Lance's breathing evens out and the noises stop. The brunette then graces him with an unamused stare, so flat it could make a child cry.

"Yes. Get it under control."

[prettysadtoday-blog]

i hate trich :( i was doing so good for so long like i was able to go for months without pulling and even when i did slip up it was just a one time thing & now that's all fallen to shit because i can't stop pulling for more than a few minutes and i have no idea why. i feel like shit. everyone says it's not my fault, i don't control it, but it's hard to be comforted by that when my hands are the ones tearing my hair out.