#i'm stalling on my playthrough cause i'm not ready to say goodbye lmao

[ex-textura]

Any headcanons for Ciaran's time in the cult(s)?

and/or

How has Ciaran changed now that he has his freedom? 💜

SO MANY. So many. You know there's gonna be a cut, you know me. It's been a while and there be rambling ahead.

Also uh...Canon typical durge grossness ahead.

The Ciaran from before (before Orin's attack, before the worm) was such a different person. It took some time for Sceleritas to break him down when the urge had first awakened and he fought then much as he fought after waking on the nautiloid but little Ciaran didn't have friends and loved ones who supported him to keep him fighting like this new Ciaran did. He'd already killed them all. So eventually he broke down to the dreams and the horrors and once the fighting stopped and the walls came down a whole new monster was born.

Ciaran Finch (he named himself that. Can't remember the name his adoptive parents used so long ago. Dark Little Songbird, for the way he made his victims sing) loved the cult, he loved the murder, he loved the blood and the screams and the power. He loved the way people cowered at his feet and the way they prayed to him, for power, for forgiveness, for death.

He was also a flirt, but in the worst ways. He knew what he looked like, was in fact incredibly vain, knew he could take what he wanted but he found pleasure in letting people think they had a choice (if they said yes, he'd sleep with them then kill them. If they said no...the reverse). He was...truly awful.

Sometimes Bhaal's hold on him would weaken and he'd find himself scared, or feeling compassion. Once or twice he'd let someone go without hurting them and could never understand why. Of course he'd be punished for it after and Scleritas would have to scold him and set him back on the 'right path', but those instances were rare.

He was sleeping with Gortash. He liked to dominate the little tyrant. He'd hurt him and laugh when he came back for more. He didn't love him, but he was interested in him and that was the closest anyone had ever gotten. So he kept him around.

Scleritas came to him about 60 years ago. It only took a couple of years to really break him. He'd been fully indoctrinated ever since. There were a great many years of brutal murder in between meeting Scleritas and meeting the tadpole gang.

---

Ciaran now... is different. Not just from the monster he was, but even from the broken man he'd become. He's almost childlike now, in his wonder, and the way he's exploring his world as though he'd never seen it before. He sleeps. He sleeps SO MUCH. And he snores. And drools. Any opportunity he can get to curl up somewhere soft, he does. If it's with his head on Gale's lap, all the better. He's started drinking with the others now, too. He'd held off on anything that might put him to sleep or impair his ability to fight the voice but once it was gone and he was free from the burden, he's let himself loose. He doesn't drink much, certainly not to excess, but he also has next to no tolerance anymore so it doesn't take much to give him that warm, giddy feeling.

He finds he likes wine, but he prefers the lighter varieties. Ale makes him gassy, and disturbs his sleep so he avoids that.

He talks more, now. His chattiness from his old days is starting to come back to him but now rather than boasting and taunting he just...rambles. He makes dorky jokes that only he laughs awkwardly at. He gives compliments freely and hugs openly. He's still shy though, its all so new. So when he catches himself going on a tangent he blushes and shuts himself up, or deflects to take the focus off himself (still doesn't like being the center of attention. That's something he hasn't gotten back from his old days and probably never will).

Mostly, though, I think the biggest change is...he's happy. Sure the world might be ending and it's still his fault and it's still his responsibility to fix it but Gale is there, their rift mended. He's got his best friends at his side. People love him and he loves them. They have a dog and a cat and an owlbear and a HAMSTER! And his dreams are sweet. and his heart is full. He's just. Happy.