#i'm such an insecure person & i know it's not healthy to be dependent on reader interaction but it really does mean the world to me

[poppiesforthirteen]

sappy hours don't look at me

[myjisung]

stray kids : how they would act when jealous !

content. skz ot8, gn!reader, jealousy, established relationship, healthy dynamics ( or at least i think so ) — angst & fluff.

warning. none

wordcount. 1,1k

a/n. part two of this post i made last year :-)

bang chan ( 방찬 )

he would be annoyed but, even if you tried, you would not even be able to tell. chan is one to find his jealousy bothersome and sometimes a shameful. though it barely happens—chan is pretty secure in your relationship—he cannot help but get too far in his own head sometimes.

as confident as he would like to appear to you, some insecurities remain at the back of his mind and they double in size whenever someone expresses any kind of romantic interest toward you. he is flattered, of course, yet he still gets himself to the point of overthinking and would start comparing himself to that other person.

there is one thing that helps him get over his jealousy. however, he tries not to get to the point where he needs it because it makes him feel small. yet, sometimes, he just has to do it. chan would need reassurance to get over it.

lee know ( 리노 )

when minho feels jealous, you simply would not even see him until he gets over his own feelings. it happens from time to time and you most definitely recognize the pattern. everytime he gets in his own head, minho would step out—maybe go on a walk or a random errand to get away for a bit and find a way to make his jealousy stop. these outings range from one hour to three hours long, depending on how awful he feels.

you would not hear from him until he has gotten rid of his jealous feelings. minho would not talk about it on his own but if you were to question him, he would tell you pretty much anything you were curious about. from what made him feel this way to whether or not he was angry, minho is not shy to let you know.

"i'm not angry. rather i'm feeling sorry because i didn't tell you about this earlier. just needed some time to not feel terrible anymore, that's it."

changbin ( 창빈 )

though the type to adress any issue immediately, changbin turns silent when he feels jealous. he cannot help it, he would rather zip it than say something he does not mean. instead, changbin keeps it down and gives himself space to process his feelings and reason them.

he is confident, he does not feel threatened or anything of the sort. he just hates feeling this way. he finds jealousy ugly on him and would do anything to get rid of it before you figured out what had gotten to him.

if you were to adress it however, changbin is quick to admit he is feeling jealous. actually, talking about it helps tremendously. he would still be quiet after you both had a conversation and you assured him that nothing was going on but, he feels better and will come around to it.

hyunjin ( 현진 )

oh he is pissed. not at you, he would never, hyunjin knows his jealousy is no one's responsibility but his own. he works through it by himself but if it were to happen in public, he would not be able to hide it from his face.

if some guy were to approach you despite hyunjin having his arm lazily wrapped around your waist, he would 100% be glaring at him. hyunjin is a pro at throwing nasty looks and he would not shy away from doing it. if the same guy were to insist on trying to chat you up, hyunjin might speak up ( with a smile, of course ). he trusts you and he knows he barely has anything to worry about but, it's the audacity of some people that would get to him.

"look buddy, they're too polite to say anything but they're not interested. how about you get lost somewhere?"

han ( 한 )

the type to get a little snappy. jisung knows it's bad and he never means to turn that way yet he does. it's not like he gets jealous that often either but when he does, it overwhelms him so much he tends to let it control his mouth a little. because of that, jisung would tend to distance himself and stay quiet when he feels that way.

the type to drown himself in work or one of his hobbies so he does not have to think about it. if you were to come find him and try to make him talk about what was going on, jisung would shut you down very quickly and regret it instantly.

"listen, i'm sorry. it's just. i've got a lot on my mind and- it's nothing you did or- it's just. i've got to deal with it on my own."

felix ( 필릭스 )

casually jealous guy. felix knows it's silly to feel the way he does, which is why he often manages to talk himself out of it without much trouble. sometimes, however, it's a little much and he tends to internalize it. felix would be a little moody but simply pout and sigh a lot.

he is very obvious about it too but believes it's not the case. so, whenever you ask him whether something is wrong he would be genuinely surprised.

"what do you mean? everything is fine and dandy..."

"yeah you're not fooling me with the 'dandy' thing, you only ever say that when you're jealous."

"well he commented on your post again and he's being super weird!! not my fault."

seungmin ( 승민 )

suuuuuuuper crabby! it's almost ridiculous. what's even worse is that seungmin would pretend all is well but still keep his answers as short as possible and not reciprocate any of your silliness—and boy is that worrying. seungmin knows it's bad to act this way and he also knows he is better than this but sometimes, his feelings get the best of him.

once he is better however, he would immediately apologize. seungmin would not keep on pretending he is fine and would tell you he was dealing with big feelings. he might not admit to feeling jealous let alone tell you why that was. however, he would say sorry and definitely make it up to you.

i.n ( 아이엔 )

jeongin does not know what to do with his jealousy. the feelings consume him slowly and give him a stomach ache. the word JEALOUS would be written all over his face in big bold letters yet, for his sake, you would pretend not to be aware. you know jeongin is self conscious about how often he gets jealous and would rather you do not see it.

if you were to be honest, however, he is too obvious about it. jeongin's eyebrows would be knitted in worry and his lips pursed in a pout he kept trying to erase from his face. not only that, jeongin gets clingy. he's holding your hand and hugging you tighter than usual all while breathing loudly and sighing every few minutes. you do not point it out and he is thankful for it. a few hours later jeongin is ready to go again, jealousy long forgotten.

taglist. @l3visbby — let me know if you would like to be added / removed.

© myjisung. please do not copy, translate, repost or claim my work as your own.

[bipstargirl]

helloo, can you do one where Amber is like a really toxic girlfriend "oh if you like _ so much then go be w her" that kind of shit and then reader snaps at amber and leaves

Thank you so much for requesting, sweetheart! I hope you enjoy it, even though it's a little different from the original order ^^

❝ Young and Beautiful ❞

feel free to request any headcanon here 🠒 headcanons list

Your relationship with Amber was perfect, beautiful, and youthful. So perfect that it seemed destined for eternity, something like "Dear Lord, when I get to Heaven, please let me bring my woman." Love flowed as smoothly as a calm river when it came to the two of you, but of course, it is more dangerous to swim in a river than in the sea. You can't predict when a current will suddenly drag you into the depths; there's no way to foresee it. Just like you couldn't predict that your relationship with Amber would become what it is, that over time, cracks would appear and the promises made would be slowly corroded by bitter reality. Your relationship was far from perfect, very far.

"Why do you always have to spend time with your friends? I'm the only person who matters!"

"You can't just talk to other people without betraying me? Do you only think of yourself?"

"If you truly loved me, you would spend all your time with me, not with your nonsense"

She was possessive and jealous. It was incredible how someone so beautiful and charming like her could be so cruel, after all, "the more beautiful something is, the greater the chances of danger."

She would get angry and accuse you of betraying her if you talked to someone else;

She would often interrogate you about where you were and who you were with;

And if you didn't give her the answers she wanted, she would get furious and start an argument.

"If you're not going to tell me everything, then we don't have a real relationship!"

"I'm so insecure because you don't give me reasons to trust you."

"You always disappoint me. I can never trust your words."

"You don't have a life beyond me. I don't understand why you need other people."

Exhausting. It was exhausting to constantly walk on eggshells around her, simply avoiding poking the bear and respecting the tide so as not to be dragged deeper, deeper where the golden light of the sun can no longer reach. But of course, everyone who is drowning tries to fight their way back to the surface. It's basic instinct, even knowing that it's too deep, they still try to survive and resist exhaustion. You did the same, even knowing that you couldn't save something in ruins, you still tried. You loved her and believed you could make the mistake work.

"I just want to protect you. I don't understand why you resent that."

"I miss the person you were when we met. Now you've changed so much."

"You don't understand me. No one else will understand you like I do."

Although she loved you, or that was the lie she told a million times, being treated as inferior by someone who should love you as the moon loves the sun was draining. Having your interests and hobbies constantly criticized was tiring. She would beg you to stop your activities and spend all your time, free or not, with her, as if she didn't want you to live a life beyond the relationship, and that was suffocating.

Why do you always have to spend time with your friends? It seems like you prioritize them over me Amber, it's important for me to have a social life and maintain contact with my friends. It doesn't mean I don't care about your feelings But I should be your priority. I need you to be there for me all the time. It's like you don't care about my feelings I do care about your feelings, but I also need some personal space and time for myself. It's not healthy to be so dependent on each other Personal space? Time for yourself? It seems like you're trying to distance yourself from me. Are you hiding something? No, I'm not hiding anything. It's important for individuals in a relationship to have their own lives and interests outside of it. It doesn't mean I love you any less I don't believe you. You're always hiding things from me. I can't trust you anymore Amber, trust is a two-way street. If you constantly doubt and accuse me without reason, it creates a toxic environment. We need to work together to build trust I have my reasons. You've given me plenty of doubts with your behavior. Maybe I should start doubting everything about us Doubting everything will only push us further apart. Instead, we should communicate openly and address any concerns or insecurities we have. We can't let doubt consume our relationship Communication? We've talked about these things before, but nothing changes. It feels like I'm talking to a wall I understand that you're frustrated, but we both need to take responsibility for our actions and work on improving ourselves. We can't expect instant changes, but with patience and effort, we can make progress I'm tired of waiting for change. I want someone who prioritizes me and makes me feel secure It's not fair to put all the responsibility on me. A healthy relationship requires effort from both sides. I don't know if I can continue like this. Maybe we shouldn't be together

And finally, the breaking point. It's obvious that a poorly constructed building will collapse. It's logical, tragic, devastating. It's like a storm on a hot summer day, everything is fine one minute, and the next, the wind sweeps everything away, the sea becomes rough, and the storms become louder…

"I can't believe you're leaving me. You're abandoning everything we had!"

"You're making a big mistake. No one will ever love you like I do."

"I'll make sure you regret leaving me."

"You'll never find someone who understands you like I do. You'll be lost without me."

"I hope you enjoy being alone for the rest of your life. No one else will put up with you."

"You'll come crawling back to me. You'll see how much you need me."

"You think you can find someone better? Good luck with that."

"Without me, you're nothing. You'll never find someone who will take care of you like I did."

"You'll regret leaving me when you realize how much I did for you."

"You're just like everyone else. No one stays when things get tough."

"I gave you everything, and this is how you repay me? You're heartless."

"You'll never find someone who will fight for you like I did. You're throwing away true love."

"I hope you always regret leaving me. You'll realize the mistake you made."

"You'll never find someone who will tolerate your flaws like I did. You'll be alone forever."

"No one will ever understand you like I do. You're making a big mistake by leaving."

"I hope you find someone who hurts you just like you hurt me. You deserve to suffer."

Sometimes our own demons don't go away. Time heals all wounds is a lie. For some of us, time is torture, a nagging reminder that tomorrow brings another day and with it the same pains and anxieties, inequations. After all, the world continues to be the world, and it doesn't care if you don't fit in or can't handle the consequences of your own actions.

[wormsin]

Never Kiss Me / meta #1

I got a good question on the last chapter of Never Kiss Me, my Hannigram pro Dom/sex worker AU, and realized it's context some readers might want. so here's an indulgent meta post. contains spoilers up to chapter 19.

also this is just about trauma and risky play in real life BDSM, if that interests you.

can or should Hannibal stay away from Will's greatest vulnerability?

:readmore:

this question references a scene where Hannibal semi accidentally triggers a trauma response in Will during a kink scene. a big part of their SM relationship and the story is consensually playing with bondage and fear with the knowledge that Will has claustrophobic trauma.

as far as the real BDSM/kink/leather world goes, people do absolutely play with trauma, phobias, fears, and their deepest insecurities and vulnerabilities. from my experience, it's usually done from a place of security, as in "I have some aspect of my trauma managed to the point where I enjoy and feel comfortable playing with it." it's healthy, common, and is not always extremely risky and serious.

ex: someone with transphobic sexual trauma around what she wears and "locker room talk" likes to be dressed up, teased for what she's wearing, and degraded. the shame is arousing to her. she is comfortable playing with this trauma to the point that, with trusted partners, this teasing is not considered risky. however, when playing with specific triggers, or a prolonged scene, or when she has a trauma flare up, it gets more intense and requires additional safety measures such as negotiation, extra check ins, and longer aftercare.

things can result in injury if both parties do not have the combined experience to deal with it, just like they can if you don't know what you're doing when drawing blood or swinging a bull whip. playing with trauma is considered highly risky by some, but not all. depends on context and personal and communal standards for safe play.

in the story, Will has dealt a little bit with his claustrophobia in a professional context to manage anxiety attacks, and absolutely has not dealt with any other part of the PTSD he has. Hannibal is extremely experienced. I don't believe there's anything wrong with playing with Will's claustrophobic trauma, except that they are both manipulative bitches who love to play BDSM chicken with each other. this instance and their fear/bondage play in general is meant to be ambiguously healthy/dangerous.

DISCLAIMER that all of this is based on my experience, which is largely with US trans people. (I am not a pro Dom or fssw, but I'm friends with several.) there is no consensus on kink safety. we are not a monolith and there is no yearly forum where we confer on terms and best practice (well, there are cons with panels). there are many, many kink/leather/BDSM/fetish cultures in the world with their own approaches to things like consent, risk, safety, harm.

there are players that are far more risk-adverse and strict about safety protocol than I am. this is due to my personal beliefs about safety and the level of experience and familiarity me and my partners have. doing more safety protocols does not mean that injury will never occur or that a person is not a malicious actor. injury does not mean that someone is bad or that something bad has happened. injuries will occur when you play and what's most important is the care that comes after.

but, I would recommend more caution, communication and check-ins for newer players and with new partners.

NKM is not meant to be a how-to handbook, although there are a lot of good practices on Hannibal's side at the beginning. the story is about the moral ambiguity and there is a reason it doesn't have the 'hannibal is not a cannibal' tag (yet?) however I am happy to answer questions about real life stuff.

[speedystarshine]

pspspspsppsspspsppspspspsp hi UM if requests are open can u do yandere sasha x reader? (amphibia)

Hihihi!!! Holy crumbs first request with our favourite girl- and ofc!! <3 you didn’t request anything specific, so I just did some general headcanons! Hope you enjoy it, anon!

—------------------------------------------------

—------------------------------------------------

So right off the bat, I see Sasha as a clingy, manipulative, and controlling yandere.

Honestly, everything really just depends on where and how long she’s been with you.

Since I rant about every detail and don’t want this to be too long, let's talk about Earth.

If you were friends with the gang while on Earth, she would be pretty manipulative, (often without realising it).

She wants you to be completely wrapped around her finger, and gets easily irritated if you show hesitation.

Fortunately for her (and unfortunately for you), it's quite easy to get you to submit due to peer pressure. I mean, come on!

She’s one of the most popular girls in the school, and could easily turn everyone against you just like that.

In fact, she probably would, isolating you so that the only people you get to see are her, Anne and Marcy.

But it's okay, you didn't need those clowns (lmao) anyway, they were all just using you!

Loneliness can really get to a person, and she knows this too well, but thankfully your best girlfriend will be right here to cheer you up!

You may have a friend in Anne during this though, as although she loves Sasha, she knows sometimes it can be draining and is aware (most of the time) of Sasha’s manipulation.

Marcy is… painfully oblivious, and may have a hard time believing you. (May or may not accidentally tell Sasha).

If she comes to terms with what you told her, she'll pity you. A lot. That's... All she can do, really, knowing what her friend is capable of.

(Bonus points if Sasha's obsession rubs off on Anne and Marcy. Oh boy, then you're definitely screwed.)

But hey, if the smartest kid in school not helping you escape your crazy girlfriend doesn't just crush your hopes and dreams, what will?

We know that Sasha has a guilty conscience (as shown in Turning Point) but whether or not she would on Earth is up to debate.

She can get pretty jealous quickly and often doesn’t trust anyone outside of the friend group, but I'm conflicted on the thought of whether or not she would kill anybody.

Perhaps threaten or ruin their status, and /or face but murder?

....maybe if she was forced towards it.

After all, it was like so totally their fault! They were too clingy, and annoying, and nosy, and 'concerned'- (never tell her these are all things she is).

"Don't worry about it, they were a total jerkwad anyways. Let's go to class, alright?"

....she says literally covered head to toe in blood-

But heck, half of the school is convinced the two of you are together, so she most likely won’t have to do it herself! (Not the ah- murdering, the whole 'ruining your life thing'

- Onto dating, if you reciprocate, I think it would be a healthy (well as healthy as you can get with a yandere) relationship!

This might surprise you, but although she does all these things, she's not a monster.

A lot of her clinginess and paranioa stems from her own insecurities and such, and she doesn't want you to feel the same pain she felt.

She wants to protect you from that, from people that make you feel like that.

Sash genuinely cares about how you feel, and does her best to make you happy, although it's slightly stilted due to her lack of experience and lack of affection (that isn't from the gang).

...She can also be controlling, but it's for your own good! She swears!

In a messed up way, she really believes that you two were meant to be, that she's helping you.

You're her rock, in a lot more ways then you would think. She wants to be that for you too.

...moving on-

Expect sleepovers all the time- Sometimes even with Anne and Marcy!

I mean, Why would you need anyone else?

— If you don’t reciprocate, however…

Whoo boy. One; this girl is VERY clingy and would probably be instantly heartbroken, as she's used to getting what she wants.

In a way, she admires you for standing up to her, but still.... (100% believes it was someone else's fault)

She would never physically hurt you intentionally, she loves you after all!

But damn is she not gonna be happy, and she sure as hell makes it everyone else’s problem, probably to the point where a few people (everyone) are begging you to give her a shot.

It’s okay though, after all- you just need a little push, she knows you’ll come round eventually! 

“Hey s/o? You'd never leave me, right?”

—-----------------------------------------------Hope that was okay! I was very tempted to write abt if you knew her during other events of the show, but I figured it would get too long. Also, I apologize if it's slightly sloppy, it's like 2 rn, so ima head to bed!

Bye bye!-ant <3

[junko-and-riri-domain]

exam season ˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥ ni-ki

“you aren't wasting my time, and you need rest. please, ___ this isn’t healthy.” riki pleaded, and he seemed so genuinely concerned for you.  “I know we’re labelled as rivals all the time but I want to get to know you better. as someone who ranked 1 consistently, I wanted to meet the one person who managed to achieve the same thing."

or 

you and nishimura riki are rivals under the same company. after all, being the same age and pretty much the same level of talent made you and him quite unstoppable. the company thought it’d be a good idea to let you two meet and get along, but it turned out to be quite the opposite ordeal. though, this always remained to be a respectful rivalry. nothing petty.

warnings : overworked reader, insecurities, fainting from exhaustion, hints at negative body image ( good ending ) 

note : this is also off the top of my head, please ignore any mistakes !

ˏˋ°•*⁀➷ rest under the cut

what were you supposed to think?

you had to admit it to yourself though, similar age and practically same amount of skill in dance would mean that this unit would be pretty much unstoppable. it’s just ;; the unspoken consequences of young teamwork at play. 

training for about half a year at belift, you’ve become quite popular among the trainees. they describe you as a dance prodigy. if you were going to be honest, it was kind of embarrassing. the spotlight was okay depending on the circumstances but, to be described as something so honorable made you feel like you weren’t worthy of it. on top of that, your vocals were always stable while practicing, making you stand out and always place #1 on exams. 

and so you started to practice harder, with the same thought of

‘i have to prove that i’m worthy to be labeled as a prodigy, otherwise why else am i here?’ 

to ni-ki, you were always so hardworking. sometimes, he thought it was too much. he’d pass by the room you were practicing in during lunch breaks and he would see you dancing your heart out, sweat threatening to fall from your face. he could tell you were tired, but due to the rules, he wasn’t allowed to talk to you. he considered you his opponent in a way, but it wasn’t to the extent of ruining your workflow. 

and to you, ni-ki seemed like a charming rival. the way he danced had always mesmerized you, his snaps and swift moves are always close to perfect. this motivated you to practice even harder, despite already achieving extreme skill. you often nitpicked on yourself and keep saying that you’re not doing something well enough, and that you’re not good enough and you have to try harder. you honestly thought he was kind of annoying. not only is he literally so tall, he's a dancing machine. everything that you wanted to be. ni-ki may have been your unspoken rival, 

but overcoming your extreme feeling to be better than the previous day is your true rival. 

coming home after training, you were always exhausted. as much water you drank, it never felt as if it quenched the thirst you brought upon yourself from working so hard. while doing homework you always zoned out, your concentration nowhere to be found. at some point, you even stopped messaging your friends as much as before, ignoring any notification that popped up and practicing till the sun peeked above the horizon.

this feeling of wanting to slip away into well-deserved rest never sat right with you.

'if I have time to do something, then I'll do it now. rest can wait.'

---

the week before, an exam was assigned to all the trainees. the exam was to be separated by gender, but you thought this was kind of dumb. and so what did you do? you asked the choreographer if you could take both of the choreographies instead of being categorized into one section.

"that's a great idea, ___! I'll allow it this once, since you always rank 1 anyways. in fact, why don't I ask riki if he wants to do an co-op exam with you? you guys are the same age right?"

all you could do was let out a hum and nod.

'nishimura riki... I hope I don't mess anything up.'

"he always ranks 1 in exams as well so I think it'd be perfect!" he continued, a bright smile flashed across his face at the realization of a great performance in development.

he walks off, and briskly walks to where riki usually practiced.

phew

you let out a breath you didn't even know you were holding. you've done many exams before but it had never been with another person. trying to convince yourself everything would be okay, your intrusive thoughts came in again.

'what if i embarass myself? what if I can't learn the choreo and mess everything up? what if he doesn't like m- wait. that doesn't even matter- ugh.'

you stood there for so long thinking to yourself about the future that one of the trainees had to tap you on the shoulder to make sure you didn't see medusa or something. repeating your little sorries and thank yous, you left the practice room and went on your way home.

you'd think that after weeks of non-stop overworking you'd hit your limit by now. the thing is, you never learn your lesson until you have to learn it the hard way. and that's exactly what's gonna happen.

---

back to the present, riki was currently doing a run-over of what he thinks you guys should do to make the choreography better. if there was one thing you and him had in common, it's that you always wanted to be ranked 1 through hard work.

however, you disagreed with some of the steps he created, and respectfully asked if you could show him what you were thinking of. in all honesty, riki was quite impressed. he'd never seen you dance up close since all he was able to do was take quick glances, but seeing you pour your heart into what you love and being absolutely great at it, it kind of gave him the feels.

yes. the feels. the butterflies. 🦋🦋🦋

though, in the next moment, butterflies was far from what he felt. his stomach did a full 180 and his face in such a shocked state as he watched your eyes roll back as your body practically shut down in front of him. he sped down to your side quickly and shouted for help, as he tried to shake you awake.

"please please wake up, I'm not sure if you'd wake up at all if you fell asleep so please..."

was the last faint thing you heard before slipping into unconsciousness.

---

beep , beep , beep

your eyes flutter open to reveal that you were in the nurse's office in the same building. to say you were relieved was an understatement, hospitals scared you a lot more since they'd have to call your parents.

looking around the dim room, it still resembled a hospital room, monitor, needles, riki, IV, wait. riki?

your eyes practically shot back to where he sat, head bowed down in an awkward position, closed eyes with phone in hands.

honestly speaking, it was kind of cute. but you knew it was uncomfortable. and you also felt SUPER guilty making him wait for you and practically ruining practice. he stirred a bit, easy to wake up due to the uncomfy position his neck was in.

in a couple of seconds you hear him ask, "___? you're awake?"

"riki.. what happened?"

"the trainer, our choreographer and the building's medical team were all here. they said that you were overworking yourself. not only that, you didn't eat, drink, or sleep enough. which I can only assume is because you're constantly practicing."

"... I'm guessing that has to be true then, if I'm already here. riki, I'm sorry."

"sorry for what?"

"for wasting your time. you didn't have to be tangled up in my mess if I wasn't an idiot and asked them for a different exam. we could'v-"

he cut you off, “you aren't wasting my time, and you need rest. please, ___ this isn’t healthy.” riki pleaded, and he seemed so genuinely concerned for you.  “I know we’re labelled as rivals all the time but I want to get to know you better. as someone who ranked 1 consistently, I wanted to meet the one person who managed to achieve the same thing. you didn't disappoint me, you didn't waste my time, in fact, it was fun watching you disagree with the things I said. but then you fainted in front of me. I had no idea what to do, but thankfully Jungwon-hyung came in and helped me. but all that aside, your body needs rest. I've talked too much."

"it's okay, your voice seems to be making me sleepy anyways."

he didn't know whether to take that as a compliment or an insult.

you handed him a spare pillow from your bed though, so he'll just take it as a compliment for now.

he didn't know what took over him in the next few seconds but he slowly put his phone in his pocket and reached his hand out to you, his hand resting on the bed right next to your waistline. as if it was beckoning you, your hand gravitated towards his, and the warmth of his hand and his comforting presence was enough to lull you back to sleep.

---

all the trainees in the floor were gathered in practice room #1, awaiting the announcement to see who got rank 1.

of course, they were expecting you and riki, but not together at the same time.

"nishimura riki, ___ ___. rank #1"

you and riki looked at each other in excitement, you could do nothing but listen at the moment, but celebration was in order later.

celebration? oh did you mean cuddles, making sure you're rested well and eating okay, hand holding, and a whole lot of light-hearted teasing? yeah.

[end]

˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥ written by junko

|blog masterlist|

[formashimataichi]

Okay this is really interesting.

To begin with Chihaya. What I understood, and correct me if I'm wrong. You like or prefer them not ending up together because you like the idea of a case where even if romantic feelings are rejected, a strong and close friendship can still flourish despite that.

I like the idea but I'm afraid at this point in the manga it's hard to execute well because... well the obvious question is do you think he still has feelings for her?

Depending on the answer the scenario can be good or bad. Like, I remember someone asking him that question and him saying that his feelings are fading away. Do you believe that?

I personally don't. I still think he has the same strong feelings. That why I'm skeptical about the close friendship. Like sure the idea is nice but it would not be good for him at all. Close friendship with someone who you have strong romantic feelings for but does not reciprocate is agonizing. And remaining close to them can instead of allowing him to get over those feelings can make things much worse. I don't see a close friendship in those circumstances ending up being a positive influence on either.

Now if you believe that his feelings are gone or are fading away then, while strong and close friendship runs the risk of rekindling those feelings, at least it's possible to have strong healthy friendship under those circumstances.

What's your opinion on this?

Now when it comes to Arata. I think he made a lot of progress. I think he found it in himself to be truly supportive and loving friend to him with no feelings of bitterness or ill will. But I think there is still an underlying feeling of inferiority that has not left. That's what the whole "it's not in my place to be there, there's nothing I can do for them" thing comes from. It could be just a defense mechanism that makes him think that because it'd kinda hurt seeing them share that stage while he couldn't, but eother way it still betrays a sense of inferiority.

Thing is though I get that going there to cheer them on can both make him realize that yeah his support is needed and appreciated and also can help by getting him to selflessly support people he care about without a sense of inferiority and possible biterness.

But I think whether those final moments of closure can help him decide to keep playing Karuta and find self worth, I'd much prefer if that happened in the process of playing Karuta, not outside of it. When it comes to his relationship to either Chihaya or Arata, if we were going the route you prefer, in which he both continues to play Karuta and is able to have healthy and close friendship with both Arata and Chihaya despite rejection by chihaya and loss to Arata, I'd much prefer it expressed through Karuta matches/competition, preferably against each other. I woulda hoped we got to see him get a point where he is able to play against both (again even if he loses or rejected) earnestly and enjoyably and without all the baggage and insecurities that he attached to the game. I think that can solidify the idea of him chosing to continue to play Karuta by literally seeing him do it enjoyably and free of the previous pressures, much more than him deciding by either supporting them in the final matches or telling us through conversation.

What so you think?

With regards to the “fading away” scene, I think I’m half-and-half; maybe a better way to describe it would be to illustrate what to me is a distinction between loving someone and being in love with them. I think Taichi is always going to love Chihaya, very deeply. That’s a love that’s grown since they were kids, and given the degree of importance that she holds for him, I don’t think it’s possible for him to just “stop” loving her and suddenly feel apathetic. That would feel more robotic and perhaps even unhealthy, because shutting down your emotions so abruptly doesn’t necessarily help you process or move on from them. But while I do think he’s always going to love her, regardless, I don’t think he’s necessarily “in” love with her anymore. He seems pretty close to accepting that a romance between them isn’t going to happen, and I think he’s in the process of making his peace with that, especially with the idea that loving her was still worth it even if she ultimately didn’t reciprocate (which is something that I had discussed earlier when I was talking about his conversation with Chitose). As for whether maintaining a close friendship with her despite the lack of reciprocation is feasible, I guess I don’t feel too skeptical because I’ve seen it executed well in other stories. I think I’ve mentioned it before, but Honey and Clover is a great example of a series that depicts unrequited love characters don’t have to remain feeling bitter about, because maintenance of their friendships is what matters most to them. They don’t want to lose these people who have changed their lives and whose presence in their lives matters so much just because their feelings weren’t reciprocated. And to be fair, I understand Taichi is sort of a special case because his friendship with Chihaya is deeply entrenched in his romantic feelings for her to begin with, and that in turn became entangled with many of his insecurities. But to me the fact that he’s working to address those insecurities and shed himself of them implies that he can reach a place mentally where he’s still able to maintain and value his friendship with her without allowing the regrets to overshadow any of that. I don’t think it’s going to be an easy process per se, nor one that’s neatly wrapped up with a bow on top by the end of the story, but so long as we’re shown that he’s moving in that direction mentally and emotionally, I think it’ll give the feeling of, “They’ll turn out okay, so long as they trust themselves and each other.” I can definitely understand if people are skeptical of such a mindset, because everyone is different, and some people handle this kind of situation better than others. Maybe it’s idealistic of me to hope that the positive outcome will be the case for Taichi and Chihaya; but I do desperately want it if he really doesn’t end up with her, because it would feel like such a shame to lose all of that history and support and care between them to only more and more distance. Even if I don’t ship them romantically, their relationship is super important to me and I don’t want to see them have to lose it just because the way they love each other is a bit different. Not to mention there’s still so much they have to actually sit down and talk to each other about, because they’ve kind of ran in circles around each other for the longest time, so I’d like to know that those conversations are going to happen and that we’re not just going to see them progressively distance themselves from each other even more under the guise of “moving on”. 

As for your second point, I honestly agree! Although it would be plenty impactful just to see Taichi resolve to continue playing karuta, it would be even more fulfilling if we got to see the manifestation of that decision in him physically playing against Arata (and/or Chihaya) once again. And I’m hoping we do see something like it before the very end, maybe not in the form of a huge time skip (lest it feel like a cop out to readers, lol) but just by the fact of them playing each other again at all. Maybe the series ends on a beautiful spread where the three of them are all playing on the same stage the following year, but we don’t know the specifics of the match. Or maybe the series ends on us seeing them play together again in the Shiranami Society, with the implication that they’ve finally made their way back to each other and are training and fighting together in a way they never have before. There’s lots of possibilities! I do hope we get to see them all playing together in some fashion before the end, though.