#i'm sure theon has been talking mad shit in winterfell

[nightswatchdisbandmentera]

Screaming at Jon Snow's reputation being in shambles worldwide like Planetos seriously beefing with a depressed teen loser

At the wall

Ser Alliser Thorne shattered the silence. “The turncloak graces us with his presence at last.” Lord Janos was red-faced and quivering. “The beast,” he gasped. “Look! The beast that tore the life from Halfhand. A warg walks among us, brothers. A WARG! This … this creature is not fit to lead us! This beastling is not fit to live!”

In the Riverlands

“I will permit you to take the black. Ned Stark’s bastard is the Lord Commander on the Wall.” The Blackfish narrowed his eyes. “Did your father arrange for that as well? Catelyn never trusted the boy, as I recall, no more than she ever trusted Theon Greyjoy. It would seem she was right about them both. No, ser, I think not. I’ll die warm, if you please, with a sword in hand running red with lion blood.”

Lowkey in KL

“Another problem has arisen on the Wall, however. The brothers of the Night’s Watch have taken leave of their wits and chosen Ned Stark’s bastard son to be their Lord Commander.” “Snow, the boy is called,” Pycelle said unhelpfully. [...] Catelyn Tully was a mouse, or she would have smothered this Jon Snow in his cradle. Instead, she left the filthy task to me. “Snow shares Lord Eddard’s taste for treason too,” she said. “The father would have handed the realm to Stannis. The son has given him lands and castles.”

In Braavos

But they were all dead now, even Arya, everyone but her half-brother, Jon. Some nights she heard talk of him, in the taverns and brothels of the Ragman’s Harbor. The Black Bastard of the Wall, one man had called him.

It was bad for him

[dingoes8myrp]

Mom and I React to Game of Thrones 8x04

Recap

Jamie and Cersei

Me: "He's gonna have to pick sides again."

Bronn

Mom: "He's not gonna kill either one of them."

Jon tells Daenerys who he is

Me: "She's gonna flip her shit."

All the deaths recapped

Me: "It's like a Talking Dead In Memorium."

Mom: "How are they gonna get rid of all the bodies? My God. They're gonna have to have the dragons just fly over and burn them up."

-

Winterfell

Jorah

Mom: "She's gonna burn him and send him out into the water."

Me: "Send him out into the water?"

Mom: "Isn't that a warrior's funeral?"

Me: "No, that was Catelyn's family that did that."

Mom: "Oh."

Theon

Me: "Aww, Sansa. 'Cause he went through everything with her with Ramsay."

Mom: "And he got her out of there."

Sansa pins the wolf on Theon

Me: "Awwww he's a Stark." *teary*

Everyone gathered in front of the pyres

Mom: "Sam made it! I don't know how. Oh, and the wolf made it!"

Me: "He's so beat up."

Mom: "Everybody's beat up."

Funeral pyre

Me and mom are teary

Me: "I'm sad they didn't do any scenes with Lyanna and Arya."

Feast

Jon, Daenerys, and Sansa eat in silence

Me: "Oh, God. He's between the two of them and nobody's talking."

Daenerys calls out Gendry for being Robert's son

Me: "Oh, God."

Mom runs to answer her phone

Daenerys makes Gendry Lord of Storms End

Me: "Awkward. He's like 'Uh... What the fuck?'"

Sansa gives Daenerys the stink eye

Mom: "Oh, she cannot stand her and Tyrion sees it."

Me: "Because she doesn't want to let Sansa keep the North."

Jamie drinks with Brienne

Mom: "Brienne doesn't drink."

Me: "She doesn't drink before a battle. Now it's after the battle. Everybody needs a drink."

Mom: "I need snacks."

Me: "Seriously?"

Tormund nerds about Jon, Daenerys gives a stink eye

Mom: "Uh oh."

Me: "She's looking at Jon and Jamie like she wants to murder them. Varys sees it."

Mom: "Mad queen."

Tyrion guesses Brienne's a virgin

Me: "Oof. That's embarrassing."

Brienne gets up form the table, Jamie follows her

Mom: "Ooh! Ooh! He's gonna go take care of this virgin thing right now."

Tormund whines to The Hound

Me: "Oh, God. The Hound's like 'get away from me.'"

Mom: "Oh, Sansa's gonna go talk to him."

Me: "Well, he helped her when she was with Joffrey."

The Hound: "None of that would've happened if you'd left King's Landing with me."

Me: "Aww. He wouldn't have let that happen."

Mom: "He would've protected her."

Shit gets rowdy

Mom: "Oh, God."

Me: "There's Gendry still looking for Arya."

Mom: "'Where's my honey?'"

Gendry: *almost gets shot with an arrow*

Mom: "'Oh, there she is.'"

Gendry pours his heart out to Arya

Mom: "Awww, do it!"

Gendry proposes

Me: "She's not gonna. She doesn't want to be a lady."

Arya: "That's not me."

Brienne tends the fire

Mom: "Oh! Bow chicka wow wow! She's in her casual clothes."

Jamie knocks

Mom: "Ho-ly. Shit!"

Jamie takes his jacket off

Mom: "Oh, he's taking his clothes off!"

Jamie keeps finding reasons to remove more clothing

Me: *clap, clap, clap*

Mom: *gasp* "Holy crap!"

She's been shipping Brienne and Jamie so hard all along

Jamie kisses Brienne

Me: "Daaayeeemn."

Daenerys and Jon

Daenerys: "Are you drunk?"

Mom: "Kinda."

Jon: "No." *stumbles*

Mom: "Yeah, kinda, Jon."

Daenerys flips her shit at Jon

Me: "Yup. Queenie's gonna stamp her foot and pout until she gets her way."

Brienne and Jamie

Mom: "Has he slept with anyone besides his sister?"

Me: "I don't think so, but maybe."

Daenerys, Jon, and Sansa bicker at the war table

Me: "Nobody knows what the fuck's going on with Jon and Daenerys, but they're making the war talk awkward."

Arya: "We need a word."

Mom: "They already know."

Jon: "I've never been a Stark."

Me: "He's still a Stark. Lyanna was a Stark."

Tyrion asks Jamie if Brienne and Jamie are staying in Winterfell

Mom: "Well, he can't go back there. They'll kill him."

Bronn shows up with a crossbow

Me: "Oh shit!"

Bronn tells off Jamie and Tyrion

Me: "Oh... I don't like this."

Bronn: "What's double Riverrun?"

Tyrion: "High Garden."

Me: "Oh!"

Bronn nearly shoots Jamie

Me: "OH! Oh, God, I thought that hit. Holy fuck."

Bronn exits

Me: "Jamie wants to kill his ass."

The Hound rides through the snow

Mom: "There's The Hound."

Me: "Hungover, probably."

The Hound and Arya are both heading to King's Landing

Me: "Oh my God."

Daenerys pets the dragons

Mom: "Oh that's right, the dragons gotta heal up too."

Me: "His wing's all tattered."

Tyrion talks to Sansa about Daenerys

Mom: "She's gonna spill it. She's so spiteful."

Me: "She's not spiteful. She's just learned to spot psychos pretending they're not psychos, and she sees Daenerys's psycho showing."

Jon asks Tormund to take Ghost North

Me: "Aww. He's not gonna have his wolf. I don't like this. He's saying goodbye to everybody!"

Mom: "He doesn't wanna leave anybody. Oh, God. He's gonna die."

Me: "This is all bad."

-

The Ship

Varys: "How many others know?"

Mom: "Oh Christ!"

Dragon gets gunned the fuck down

Me: "AHHHHHH! AHHH!"

I was screaming

Mom: "Shit, they all have them!"

Yuron starts firing on the ships

Me: "Fuuuuuck"

Tyrion blacks out

Me: "OH!"

Varys, Tyrion, and Grey Worm wash up and can't find Missandei

Me: "Oh no, did she make it?!"

-

King's Landing

Yuron says he saw the dragon sink under the waves

Me: "That doesn't mean he's dead..."

Cersei tells Yuron she's pregnant

Mom: "It's not his child!"

Me: "He doesn't know that."

Cersei: "If she wants to take the castle she'll have to kill hundreds of innocent people first."

Me: "Um... She'll do it."

-

Dragonstone

Varys asks Daenerys not to slaughter the city and Daenerys gives zero fucks

Me: "Mm-hmm. You backed the wrong horse, dudes."

Varys basically says that

Mom: "He's gonna take her out."

Me: "Tyrion's gonna have to tell her."

-

Winterfell

Brienne tells Jamie about Yuron's ambush

Me: "He's gonna go."

Sure enough

Brienne walks out to find Jamie saddling his horse

Me: "She's like 'really?'"

Jamie goes back to Cersei for some reason?!

Me: "Who the fuck wrote that? That makes zero sense."

Mom: "Absolutely no sense. She's gonna have him killed."

-

King's Landing

Mom: "She's got Missandei, and all her crossbow things."

Me: "She has like a zillion of them."

Kyburn and Tyrion walk to one another

Me: "This is so tense."

Kyburn spouts to Tyrion

Me: "Goddddd."

Mom: "He's gonna go talk to his sister."

Me: "Jamie thinks he can flip it. He thinks he can talk to her and flip it. That's why he's going."

Cersei has her archers aim, then drops her hand

Me: "What a bitch."

Daenerys glares

Me: "One thing me and Dany agree on."

Tyrion begs Cersei to surrender

Cersei walks over to Missandei

Me: "She's gonna kill her."

Mom: "She's gonna push her off."

Missandei: "Dracarys."

Mom: "Isn't that for the dragons?"

Me: "She's telling Daenerys to burn the city."

The Mountain executes Missandei

Mom: "Nooo!"

Mom: "Oh my God! Ugh. She just did it. She just killed her whole city. What the fuck?"

Me: "Well the two mad queens are going to kill the city."