#i've been stuck at home for the past three days. i think i'm just coping

[karamell-sweetz]

in-class scribbles except its all just rui because. read my blog description

[ghffr-s]

2024

Hello. It's quite a big gap since my last entry, to be fair I only write when my thoughts get too heavy. That is to say, when I'm depressed, I write the most. And over the past six months, or so, I suppose I can say that I've been the happiest I've been in a long time, and the happiness I found helped me narrate most of my writings in my head. A lot of things were going well for me. I met a lot of new people and surrounded myself with wonderful people who are nice and considerate of me and my well-being. I have also become physically strong and active with cheerleading, a sport I've recently dedicated my life to

But then there are still remnants of sadness that I experienced, which I might or might not have overcome, like losing my cherished home. A place I had lived before relocating to a new residence that didn't feel quite right (at first). Don't get me wrong, this is also home, after all, and I feel secure here. However, Anggun held a special place in my heart that no other place can match, and I find myself grieving about it frequently. That house helped me grow so much. I spent a lot of time alone myself in that lovely house in the year that I came to terms with who I was. Letting go of it felt like losing a huge portion of who I am and my growth. But regardless I'm happy that I've relocated to a home that provides safety and shelter in a similar manner. Anggun just has my best interest; my life then has been filled with so many significant events and pivotal moments that I believe have greatly influenced who I am now.

The spirals, though. Even though my mental health has significantly improved, I still battle with depressive episodes, so just because I'm happy doesn't imply my diagnosis has changed. Particularly when there are triggers like a family conflict or a betrayal by someone close to me. I do know that pain is a necessary part of life; no matter where we are in life, there will always be highs and lows. But going through it makes a difference. You progressively gain resilience and strength. Accepting what is inevitable is the best approach to find peace with life. Losses are unavoidable.

I believe that wanting more than you now have is a natural human emotion. it is who we are by nature, and it is how we were created. Once your current objectives are met, you feel compelled to pursue new endeavours and obtain more, particularly in this day of innovation and trends. Though I'm not quite where I want to be in life yet, I'd like to think that I'm happy. And since time flies and I'm already 25 this year, that concept terrifies me frequently. While there is undoubtedly enough of room and space to enjoy the present, we cannot completely ignore the importance of the future. For better things and a happier state of mind. I'm doing extremely well, but I'm still kind of stuck finishing the last year of my PR and marketing degree. I have now achieved first class honours three times in a row, and my cumulative GPA has been 3.70 or higher out of a 4.00 flat. I find studying to be genuinely enjoyable. I love what I learn. All that I've learned will help me in the future, and I always hope that my future will be all I've always imagined it will be since I was a young child. After everything I've been through, I owe that to myself.

But god, life is not easy. It's true what they say, the older you become, the more you want to be younger. There is just so much suffering, heartache, and loss to cope with, and the burden of responsibilities grows. The injustices from the past…. and the need to heal

Well I consider that to be history and have long since laid it to rest. I am happy. Every time I see my friends or go to cheerleading training, my heart is bursting with happiness. I love cheerleading so much. We truly are awesome. A group of exceptionally talented individuals on the blue mat. I love them. I love the feeling. I enjoy spinning and twisting in the air. I feel so healthy and fit. Being physically challenged is what I love now. The endurance is something I adore! Everything about it is wonderful. To be the greatest cheerleader I can be is my goal. Greater body mobility and more advanced stunts.

Going back to these episodes I've been having, they are really bothersome. Sometimes I'm sick of crying. I'm sick of experiencing the lowest points I occasionally hit when I spiral down.

This year, I'm hoping to be able to get rid of it. Surely not entirely, but less frequently perhaps. It has to stop somehow.

[1a-imagines]

No excuses

》 Bakugo x reader

》 Word count: 5k

》 Overview: You were childhood enemies who always ended up stuck together, you were neighbours, got put in all the same classes, ended up living together in the UA dorms. Overtime you grew to accept each others company, maybe even enjoy it. So what happens when your new work lives separate you for the first time?

Every day was lacklustre.

You weren't sure what; but something was missing. Ever since you went pro and moved into your own apartment you felt as though your life lacked something. There was an empty hole but you just weren't sure what used to be there.

Perhaps you just missed those simple UA days? Being surrounded with your friends day and night and not having to worry about all the things pro heroes had to worry about? There was no doubt it was a much less stressful time.

Or maybe it was the fact you no longer had your family breathing down your neck every second of the day? You were an adult now and that came with a whole new sense of freedom. Maybe what you were missing was being surrounded by your loved ones all the time? You lived alone in your new apartment and it was a big difference in contrast to the UA dorms you lived in for three years.

You thought you'd enjoy the quiet but it turns out you found the silence painful. It was more peircing to your ears than any yelling or screaming you had in the dorms.

No matter how much you wondered what was missing you just couldn't seem to place your finger on it. It's not like you weren't  keeping in touch with your friends and family. They called everyday, you certainly weren't lonely. So why was your heart still yearned for something... maybe even for someone?

With a sigh, you dried the last plate of the bunch and put it away. Finally done with your chores for the day. You dried your hands and went over to check your phone that had been thrown onto the couch. You saw a text notification pop up.

Blastard: (1 new message)

Oi! Idiot! Are you dead yet? I haven't heard from you in weeks!

You couldn't help but chuckle at his unique way of showing worry, though it would be a lie to say you weren't used to it by now. It was such a typical Bakugo move. You shook your head before typing out a reply.

Bad news for you, I live!

You hit send before throwing your phone back down. You felt awfully giddy about him texting you, which was a strange feeling, usually you annoyed the hell out of each other. As weird as it was; it had been awhile since you'd last spoken to him.

Maybe you were just happy he hadn't completely forgotten you exsisted, you figured once you went your seperate ways that you'd probably never talk again; unless it was work related.

You had grown up together, always forced to be around each other no matter how much you despised it. You were neighbours, you didn't go to the same schools, but you'd always hear him yelling through the walls whenever he was home, you'd always pass each other when leaving your houses on the morning, and to your 10 year old self? There was no worse way to start off your day than his stupid face being the first thing you see when leaving your home.

It was like you couldn't get through a day without running into him at least once.

Then you both ended up in the same highschool, UA, which meant you walked the same route everyday as well as being in all the same classes. Then you lived in dorms together for three years, which meant you were around your childhood enemy almost every minute of everyday.

It was like the universe was trying to torture you both.

You hated each other as kids, always getting into scrapes and arguments, but as you got older the hate died down into more of a friendly rivalry. You bickered non stop but you also grew to enjoy all those comebacks and quick retorts, it was like a never ending game of 'who can make the best comeback/insult'. It even made you laugh at times.

Eventually, somewhere during your UA days, you both got to a point where you could actually admit you were friends.

But after being stuck together for so long? You'd think you would be happy to have some peace and quiet around here. You no longer had to deal with explosions going off or yelling every 5 seconds. No yelling from downstairs or next door, no insults or smartmouthed comments.

Though, even you had to admit he had matured a lot since you were kids, he still kept true to his grouchy self, but he was no where near as violent or bad tempered. He'd calmed down a lot as you grew into adults and you were proud of him for coming so far.

You were about to go take a bath to relax after cleaning all day, but when you saw your phone light up again you couldn't stop yourself from diving for it.

Blastard: (1 new message)

The fuck do you mean? That's not bad news for me dumbass.

It was a little weird for him not to give a snarky reply but it's possible hero work was tiring him out as much as it had been tiring you out. You were about to tell him it was just a joke but then another message came through,

Blastard: (1 new message)

Have you been eating alright? I know you can't cook for shit and you're living alone now.

Your eyes softened at the message, a goofy smile spreading across your lips. Not only had he made an effort to message you first, something he rarely did, but he also was showing care for you? Your cheeks heated up and you took a second to press your face into a pillow, a way to collect yourself before you replied.

Aw, you care about me?~

I've been eating fine! Instant ramen exists for a reason! It's for people like me who "can't cook for shit" :P

His next reply was almost instant, it scared you how quick your phone was to sound with another notification.

Blastard: (1 new message)

Don't fucking tell me you've been living off of instant ramen this whole time-

You felt too shy to admit to the truth. It was true you hadn't been eating great since you had been living alone. Your job was so demanding you didn't have time to cook. Choosing fast options over home cooked meals had been your way of living for the past few weeks and admitting to it felt like a punch to your pride.

Blastard: (1 new message)

That's it, I'm coming over to make you an actual meal tonight. See you at 6.

You did a double take at the response.  There was clearly no room to argue.

"He's coming over!?" You jumped up in a panic at your sudden self invited guest. Lucky for him you had a rare night off work, and lucky for you, you had spent the day cleaning up. Maybe it'll look like you have this whole "adulting" thing down.

After glancing at the time and seeing it was only 4pm you threw your phone down. You needed to freshen up before he came over.

For some reason you felt this pressure to look good in front of him? But you had known him since you were little kids! He wouldn't care, he's seen you look much worse, so why did you care about looking good this time around? You shook your head, sick of all this over thinking and went to take a quick bath. Once you were done you dried your hair and threw on a fresh pair of clothes.

You felt excited to see him again and almost-... Nervous? It was a strange sensation, you shouldn't be feeling nervous to see him, you used to see him everyday. Maybe it was because this would be the first time you'd be spending time alone in your new home? Yeah, that must be it!

Glancing up at the time you still had half an hour until he arrived. You decided to take your mind off of all your swirling thoughts by mindlessly scrolling through your phone until your door bell finally rang.

You pushed yourself up with a small groan. You walked to your front door, your heart raced in your chest knowing who was on the otherside of the door. You took a deep breath through your nose before opening the door to see your familiar, scowling, friend. He stood there, a bag in his right hand and foot tapping on the floor as if he had been waiting ages for you to open the door for him.

"Kat! Long time no see!" You beamed up at him only for him to roll his eyes and brush past you. "Shut up and show me where your kitchen is, you need a proper meal."

You couldn't help but smile as you noticed the bag he carried was filled with fresh groceries. He was alway so bad with words but it was actions like this that made you see how much he really cared about you.

"Through there." You nodded your head toward an opening and followed him through after shutting the door. He put all the ingredients down and you leaned back against the counter watching him prepare the food. "What? No 'Hi Y/n, how have you been?' You cut right to the chase as always." You chuckled softly to yourself earning a glare from the blond as you attempted to imitate his voice.

"First of all! I don't sound like that! Second of all, I'm only here because you can't take care of yourself." He scoffed before adding. "Still annoying as always."

'Why was I missing him again?' You huffed, blowing some hair from your face in the process. "So! Chef! What are we having?"

"Curry." Was his quick reply as he began to lay out and cut up the ingredients. You hummed in delight at the thought of homemade curry. It had been a while since you had a good home cooked meal. Your family sometimes brought you leftover foods knowing how busy you were with work, but they couldn't come feed you everyday. You were an adult now and you needed to learn to cope on your own! Even with a busy career life.

"You remember what I like?" You asked, your eyes glimmering with an emotion he couldn't quite tell, in order to avoid looking at your face he kept himself busy with making dinner.

"I've known you for over 10 years, just because I haven't seen you for a few months doesn't mean I'm going to forget everything about you, idiot." He tutted, as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. You leaned back against the counter beside him, your lips twisted into a soft frown.

"A few months huh? It feels like longer..."

You did not intend for him to hear that but he did, and honestly? He agreed.

Without you around to annoy him every hour of the day, things just seemed to go by painstakingly slow. Without you his days were boring, and as much as he hated to admit it, your stubbornness, your quick remarks and sarcastic comebacks, as much as they annoyed him, they added a certain spice to his life.

They kept him on his toes, he liked the challenges you gave him, whether it was getting the last word, winning against you in training or just coming up with the best insulting nickname. He couldn't believe he actually missed it all, but he did, and honestly? This whole dinner thing had just been an excuse to see you again.

He missed you.

"Tch, feels like not long enough." He grumbled as he moved over to the stove to turn it on. You sent him a cocky grin, shifting your weight onto your other foot. "Oh yeah? Then why were you so quick to come over here?" You hummed, tilting your head. He knew you were teasing him, he could tell by the way the words melted from your lips like butter, you were practically purring as you grinned at him. It reminded him of a cat.

He decided not to dignify you with a repsonce and you took that as a sign of victory. You giggled before turning to grab a drink from the fridge. You cracked open a can of soda and upon hearing the unmistakable fizzing noise Bakugo's head shot around to you, his eyebrows creased together in distaste. "You shouldn't be drinking that shit!" He barked at you.

"Oh come on! I've cut right back on the junk food. Look!" You threw the fridge door open to display the variety of fruits and vegetables in front of him. "I've been really healthy! I've even been doing a lot more weight training! Soon I'll be as strong as you! Maybe even more so!" You smirked, he wanted nothing more than to wipe the smug look from your face. You shut the fridge door with your foot before taking another swig of your soda.

Bakugo scoffed, "You wish! You'll have to work a lot harder before you can even dream of matching up to my strength!" He sent you a toothy grin as he watched your shoulders deflate, eyes narrowing up at him.

Bakugo continued to put the chopped up ingredients into the pan, "Why have you been eating instant ramen this whole time if you have all that shit anyway?"

You turned your head away, cheeks flushing red with embarrassment. It took a lot to swallow down your pride enough to mutter the next words. "You know I can't cook very well." It was painful to admit you were an adult with the cooking capabilities of a child. Between school and work placements you just never found the time to practise new recipes. Not to mention the fact your family usually cooked a lot of meals for you.

You had contemplated practising some recipes in the past but something always manages to come up! You knew working as a pro was going to be hard, that you'd be busy every day, but you didn't know it would consume your life to this extent.

Without another word you walked towards the living room. "Let me know when dinner is ready!" You sent him a cheeky grin as you left. Bakugo turned back to the food, grumbling something about how he wasn't a damn slave, despite being the one who offered his services in the first place.

Looking around, he finally had time to take in the room, he hadn't seen it since you first moved in and bugged him and kirishima to help move boxes. The room was well decorated, not a thing out of place. Despite the apartment being pretty small you had done well to make it homely.

As he made the curry, he added in some spices and when he picked up the shaker labelled "Extremely hot", He smirked. He recalled the good ol' days in the UA dorms. He sometimes went out of his way to spike your food with hot spices. Your face was always priceless! The thought crossed his mind to do it again. After all, it wouldn't affect him, he loved spices and, unlike you, they didn't turn his face red.

He sighed before shaking his head. You were both grown up now, and you needed to eat a proper meal. He hated to even think about it but he did care for you. More than he would like to admit. He always thought once he went pro and finally got away from you, this "curse" you two shared of always being stuck together wherever you went would disappear, and he would be happy.

But he wasn't, somewhere down the damn line he has gotten used to your annoying presence, he had grown to like your quick remarks, how you never backed down from him, you weren't afraid to speak you mind or put him in his place, and as much as all those qualities used to bug the shit out of him as a kid, he had grown to respect them, even-... love them?

He clenched his teeth when he felt his cheeks heating up. God, he hated this. He wasn't cut out for this lifestyle! Why was he even here!? He could be out training! Not pining over his childhood enemy! The curry sauce started to bubble over in the pan and he cursed to himself, once again he was so distracted with thoughts of you that he couldn't concentrate on the task at hand!

He finished making the food, doing everything he could not to let his mind wander back to thoughts of you. He grabbed a few plates before putting the rice and curry onto them. He yelled through to you that the food was done, "I'm only in the next room! You don't have to yell so loud!" He huffed in amusement, your words were ironic considering your volume matched his. He smiled at your never ending bite, you always had something to say.

Such a smartass. He shouldn't enjoy it as much as he did.

You came through, throwing the empty soda can into the trash as you passed and sat down in the seat beside him. You hummed in delight, "Smells so good!!"

"Of course it does! I made it!" He grinned, taking a bite. While the lack of extreme spice was underwhelming for him, he knew you would like it. Your face twisted into distaste at his smugness, "I forgot to never stroke your fat ego."

He growled, ready to yell at you for the remark but when he saw you take the first bite of food his anger was forgotten.

Your eyes lit up like fireworks on a cold winter night. "I also forgot how crazy good of a cook you are!" You beamed, happily digging into the curry. His features softened, something about seeing you enjoy his food so much felt really good. He almost forgot to eat himself as he watched you stuff your face. You had gotten some rice stuck to your cheek as you shoveled the dish into your mouth. It was so stupidly cute, a soft smile graced his lips.

You caught him staring, it was rare to see him smile, no cocky grin or smirk, it was a real smile. Soft, relaxed, happy. You thought your heart was going to jump out of mouth. You did not expect that sight when you looked up from your food.

You gulped, not because there was food in your mouth, but because the atmosphere had suddenly changed. There was an invisible weight ontop of you both, crushing you.

"What…?" You asked quietly, hiding your face behind your hair. He snapped out of it, realising he'd been caught he froze, his heart skipped a beat. However, there was no time for him to get embarrassed because next thing he knew he was throwing a towel at you "You got rice all over your face, idiot! Wipe it off! You look stupid!"

You grumbled as the fabric hit your face, yet complied and wiped your lips clean. You went back to eating, this time more carefully so you didn't make a mess. You noted the mild spices but didn't comment on them. It was unusual for Bakugo to not fire up his dishes with spice. The decision to make the curry mild definately wasnt for his own benifit. He'd done it for you.

It made you smile, and as much as you wanted to thank him for it you figured he wouldn't want you bringing up his strangely nice gesture since he had been so silent about it.

During the dinner you talked about your new work lives, how you'd been coping living alone, anything that came to mind. Of course, that came with a variety of witty comments and snarky comebacks, but it was just how you liked it. It was how it had always been, how you always wanted it to be.

Once the plates were clean you stood up, reaching over to grab his plate so you could clean up but his hand shot out and grabbed your wrist. You paused, looking up to meet his eyes. "I'll help clean." He said, picking up his plate and taking it to the sink. You smiled, following him with your own plate.

"Wow, cooking and cleaning? Has anyone ever told you that you'd be a perfect house wife?" You smirked at him as he filled up the sink with soap and water.

"At least I can cook." He shot back without missing a beat. You laughed st the remark, nudging his side as you pushed your wasy in front of the sink. You continued to chat as you cleaned up, you washed as he dried.

As you finished up scrubbing the last dish Bakugo made a comment about you eating like a pig at dinner which, in return, made you splashed his face using soapy dish water.

He growled when he felt the droplets soaking his face and hair, but hearing your laughter made it hard to stay his usual, grumpy self. Instead he settled for dipping his fingers into the water and flicking you back.

Your face scrunched up, eyes closing to avoid any soap suds getting in your eyes.

You took his reciprocation as a declaration of war and it soon turned into a mini, kitchen water fight. Laughter filled the once quiet apartment as you fought each other.

For a moment it didn't feel like you lived alone, for the first time in months you felt like that empty space in your life had been filled again.

You had to stop the water fight before you soaked the kitchen as well as each other. As fun as it was you didn't want to have to clean up for the third time today.

Once all the dishes were put away and you dried yoursleved using a spare towel; Bakugo narrowed his eyes at the front door.

He wasn't sure if he should go, a part of him didn't want to. He only came over to make you dinner, now that was over he had no reason to stay. Should he make up some bullshit excuse to stay? He didn't want you teasing him again.

Despite taking a few minutes to think up an excuse to stay, he came up with nothing. Grumbling to himself he kicked his foot against the ground and turned around to you, ready to say goodbye.

His eyes widened upon landing on you, you held up two gaming controllers, a grin on your lips as you pushed one towards him. "Wanna try finally beating me at mario kart?"

"What are you talking about! I win all the time!" He rolled his eyes and snatched a controller from your hands, taking on your challenge. He felt the weight lift from his shoulders, you were giving him a reason to stay longer and he wasn't about to turn that down.

"You beat me at super smash bros! But never mario kart!" You backfired, plopping down onto the couch as the console fired up.

"Then let's play super smash bros!"

"We do not play that in this household!" You stomped your foot at the thought of the game you could never beat him at. Bakugo scoffed and sat next to you. "You're such a fucking sore loser!"

You forced a laugh before sending him a glare, leaning closer to him. You reaction must have amused him as he smirked at you. "I do not want to hear that from you!"

"Shut up and let's play!" The first round started up, the familiar countdown sound ringing in your ears. You'd like to say things started pretty civil, but It didn't take long for you to start shoving each other as you battled for first place. There was a lot of yelling, combined with a lot of laughter and cheering. It was the most lively your apartment had ever felt, in just one night Bakugo was able to change all of that.

A few rounds turned into hours. You didn't even notice how high up the moon was in the sky. You were too busy enjoying each other's company, having more fun than either of you had experienced in months.

You shot out of your seat pumping your fist into the air as you passed the finish line in first place once again.

"HAH! You still can't beat me!” You boasted.

The blond threw the controller down, his teeth clenched tight as he grumbled. “Next time I’m bringing super smash bros!” You sat back down, giggling as you poked his side. “Who's the sore loser now huh? Big baby.” You teased, poking a finger into his side, much like poking a bear with a stick, it was a recipe for disaster.

He growled and jumped to you grabbing your hands to keep them away from prodding him. You started laughing again, squirming and battling with him, determined to keep attacking but your giggle fit made it hard to fight back.

As you were laughing you missed yet another rare smile on his face. He didn't know what was going on with him, maybe he was just in a good mood today? He had taken down a group of robbers earlier when he was on patrol, and taking down villains always felt good.

All he knew was that he never wanted the moment to end, it was nice to hear your stupid laughter again, to see you smiling as you tried to match his strength and fight back. He hadn't even realised that some point during your play fight he had knocked you down onto your back and was hovering over you.

He had always been the stronger of the pair so you lost fairly quickly. His hands pinned yours beside your head. "That was a good fight you put up, but it's still not good enough to match up to me." He smirked down at you

You stuck out her tongue at him, panting as you tried to kick your legs at him. Turns out he had thought ahead and pinned those down too. You huffed through your nose, tasting defeat was bitter.

You stared at each other, as the laughter died down so did the playfulness. The atmosphere became serious. He wasn't sure what it was, but there was some sort of unspoken feeling between you both. He gulped, noting the way your hair was sprawled out on the couch beneath you, creating a halo of hair around your head. Your eyes shone as they stared into his, he had never noticed what a nice colour they were, and your lips- they looked so soft..

There was a pull, an invisible red string tugging you closer to each other and connecting your hearts.

But, you both ignored it. He got off of you and sat back. He ran a hand through his hair, you both avoided eye contact.

Looking out the window Bakugo finally noticed that the moon had long ascended into the night sky. Had he been here that long? God, it must be passed midnight but he felt like he had only been here for an hour. He shook his head and stood up, You watched him with parted lips, your heart racing at the tension.

What was that feeling between you two? It was so strong. Did he feel it too? It was sending your head into a spin.

"I should go." He muttered, he didn't want to go, he really didn't but the words were leaving his mouth before he had time to process them.

He had felt it too, and he didn't know how to react. He hadn't felt anything like it before, it made his heart race, he felt weak and he didn't like it. He knew he felt- something for you? But was it enough to call it love?

You looked up at him, giving him a nod, not like he could see since his back was already turned. You stood up, arms wrapping around yourself as you walked him to the door.

There were so many unspoken words between you. So many feelings left unexpressed. You bit your lip, voice caught in your throat as you watched him silently slip on his shoes. He opened the front door, pausing for a second, hesitating... "See ya."

"Bye." You replied as he closed the door behind him.

The appartment suddenly ran cold, silent, a chill running across your skin. The silence cut through your ears like a sharp blade.

You pulled your arms tighter around yourself. How could you deny it? Having him around again had been amazing, even if just for one afternoon. You despised him as a child, but over time, throughout highschool, through building a silent trust, a friendship had formed, and then-… and then somewhere down the line it turned into more.

No matter how much you tried to convince yourself otherwise, you loved being around him, you had a strong bond, you had watched him grow and become a better person, you had seen each other at your best and at your worst. You had fought each other but also fought with each other. You cared for each other, you annoyed the hell out of each other, you had been through so much together.

He had always been there, even if you didn't want him to be. You had hated him and you had loved him...

You… loved him…

Your eyes widened, "I.. love him." You muttered, saying it out loud made it all the more real. A feeling of wanting to slap yourself silly for being so blind overcame you.

You loved him! Of course you loved him!!You had always been so focused on school and work that you hadn't even noticed you were growing feelings for your childhood rival?

You couldn't let him go again! How many more months until you got to see each other again? You had always somehow ended up stuck together, it felt like he would always be there but now you had witnessed what life was like without him around… you hated it! For the first time in your life, you wanted him around.

You couldn't sit around in your lonely apartment each day now you knew you were in love with that jerk!

"God damnit! Why did it have to be him." You ran to the door and flung it open, not even thinking of shoes as you ran out into the cold night air. "Maybe he didn't get far-"

You rounded the corner before colliding with what you could only assume was a brick wall. You winced, pulling back and rubbing your nose. You looked up, coming face to face with none other than the man himself.

You stared at each other in shock, he came back for you too? This whole scene, these feelings, neither of you could have ever imagined this is where you would've end up.

"I need to tell you something!" You spoke in unison, making you both cringe.

"You first." He crossed his arms stubbornly, wanting to know you were on the same wave as he was and hadn't just ran after him because he left something.

You sighed, rubbing your arm, glancing away for a second to collect yourself. You hadn't thought this far ahead so you had no idea what to say. You sighed, looking up to meet his eyes, the best way would be to face your feelings head on. No going back! Even if he rejects you, at least he would respect you being blunt with it, he hated when people beat around the bush.

"I love you." You said, your head lifted high. His eyes widened at your bold declaration, his tense demeanour dropping. "I wanted to tell you before you disappear for months again. So there you have it, I'm in love with you. Believe me or not I don't care. I just- mmph!" Hands yanked you forward by your hips, smooth lips molded against your own when he head dipped down.

It took a few seconds to reciprocate, but when you did he pulled you closer. Your hands went to his shoulders to steady yourself, your legs felt weak, but that didn't stop you from kissing back.

You smiled into the kiss, you couldn't help it. Not only did the kiss feel great but the way he had pulled you in for it without wasting time with words was just such a Bakugo thing to do.

"I love you too, dumbass." He muttered when he pulled away, You let out a breathy laugh and shook your head. "You have such a way with words~"

"Shut up." You giggled at him before you went back in for another kiss, longer, holding more passion as your years of pent up feelings finally reached the surface. Your heads tilted and turned, hands roaming each other's bodies, his arms wrapped around you, his body heat protecting your bare skin from the chill of the night.

He backed you up agaisnt the wall. His tongue ran across your bottom lip, you weren't sure how long you had been standing there but it felt like you were the only two people in the world.

It was so late not another soul was to be see. It was just you, him and the city lights.

His hand ran down towards your thigh, only for you both to jump back when the distance sound of a car honking ripped through your serentity.

Panting as you stared at each other, almost not believing you had just msde out with each other. You pressed your fingers to your tingling lips. A smile on your face, "So- uh, wanna come inside for a bit?” the mischief in your eyes did not match the innocent smile on your face. He knew exactly what you were planning, "Fuck yes."

And there was no way he was going to turn it down.

[spermendes]

DREAMS [SM: SONG ONE-SHOT]

Description: Y/N’s past affects her relationship with Shawn, to the point that he can’t deal with it anymore. He leaves for tour, but they still dream about one another.

SONG: Dreams - NF

N.E

Yeah, most of my life's full of sad days

Started at a young age

Yeah, bought a house but I've been livin' on stage

Tryna find the real me, I ain't found it yet

Wake up every morning feelin' like I'm guilty

Talk to God, "Can you hear me?"

Lately, I'm a mess

I don't want no one to help me

Yeah, I don't want no one to help me and

EVER SINCE the beginning, Y/N had known what pain felt like, whether it be mental or physical, she was most certain she’d felt it before. But really, what hurt the most, was the fact that the pain wasn’t accident, but it was her that was the accident. She wasn’t planned. She wasn’t supposed to be brought into this world. She was classified as a drunken mistake that happened to be created amongst all of it.

At about six years old, her father had left and come back more times than she could count, and then one day he just never came back. Her mother was diagnosed with depression, and had troubles looking after her for many years in her life. It had changed the two of them, they both so different to what they were before he left, despite Y/N being young.

Y/N lived in a quiet house, one full of sadness. There was no laughter, no smiles. It was just occupied by her mother and herself. Her mother turned to drinking regularly, and found herself in the hospital enough times that she couldn’t keep track anymore. Y/N looked after her mother more than her mother looked after her, and it took a toll on her.

She couldn’t deal with it after three years, so she decided to figure her life out. She was midst her way through elementary when it was found out that she had a higher intelligence than most people her age, which resulted in her moving up almost two year levels. She was the youngest in her class, and it was scary.

If you think I make decisions based off of what you think, then you're wrong

Can't nobody think for me, I got my own thoughts

Sometimes you don't know what you had until it's all gone, 'til it's all gone

If I took the hand that was dealt me then I would be nowhere in life

Yeah, I had to think smart

Threw away the deck and got my own cards

Long before I had the money to afford a car

She was amongst kids almost two years older, and being smarter than them? That was a problem for some of those kids. They didn’t like that someone who was a year a half younger than them, was also smarter than them. It then resulted to her being bullied, until she went to a different high school to everyone she had known in primary school.

She graduated high school and decided she wanted to write poetry and study history. It was when she was in college, that things had started looking up. She was still being judged, but she knew it come with the territory. She’d made a few good friends, and that was when she met Shawn. Shawn, the musician major, the kid that slipped his way into her heart without her even realising until it was too late.

They’d started getting to know one another, until one day he asked her to be his girlfriend. That was the start of the best time in her life, she forgot about her past more and more with Shawn beside her because he was too busy making more memories to replace her old ones.

They’d dated all throughout college, even until Shawn had gotten a record deal for Island Records in New York City. He was over the moon about it, and Y/N supported him all throughout his rise to fame, while she wrote poems to the side of being a history tutor. Shawn absolutely loved her poems, to the point that he’d even recreated them into his own words to make them lyrics.

They were the strongest couple out there. They barely fought, and if they did, it was usually something major, but they came out stronger than ever. Shawn stuck by her side even throughtout the days she wasn’t feeling like herself, up until one day, he just snapped.

I–I've been doin' me

I've been doin' me

Yeah, I've been doin' me

I've been doin' me

Followin' my dreams

Yeah, I've been doin' me

I've been doin' me

I've been doin' me

Yeah, I've been doin' me

I've been doin' me

Followin' my dreams

Yeah, I've been doin' me

He couldn’t deal with the pressure anymore. It was putting pressure on his career, and he didn’t want to risk anything. Their relationship then ended, after four and a half years, just days before Shawn was supposed to be going on his second world tour. It shattered Y/N, as she now had nobody to get help from. Her mother abandoned her before she graduated high school, so she was stuck fending for herself, until a middle aged couple found her and took her in as their own.

She’d never been happier after being taken in by the couple. They treated her like family, and gave her everything she needed to be successful. They taught her most things she knew, but also taught her things she never would have learnt if they hadn’t of taken her in. She was grateful for the two of them, as she wouldn’t have gotten this far.

She’d been offered a job after college, to work for a newspaper who often added a page to writers for short stories or even poems. Y/N’s work had been added several times, which landed her a job at one the biggest publishing company’s in New York. She’d been so occupied that she didn’t even bother to check any of her social media, unless she was on there just to post her newest poem she’d made up.

Most of my life's full of regrets

Things I wanna take back, yeah

Wrote you a letter, wish that I had never sent that

Didn't even make sense, I don't even know

All I know is I get lower on the weekends

They tell me I should make friends, I just sit at home

Lately, I've been off the deep end, yeah

I've been off the deep end and

She never got distracted on social media. Shawn and herself hadn’t spoken in months, not since the break up, but she kind of glad. They’d ended on such bad terms that she wasn’t sure that she’d even speak to him again after what he’d said to her, if they ever ran into one another again.

She did miss him though, and all the memories that they made. She had never been happier than after she had been adopted. It was the best time in her life, and she’d finally grown more as a person. She was changing, and growing stronger every day without him.

But deep down inside of her, she still cared about him. She knew it wouldn’t be good to text or call him, so she decided to send him an old fashioned letter. But in the end, with the response she had gotten about not wanting to stay friends, deal with her problems, or even be friends with her.

If you think that I'm 'bout to change who I am just for you then you're so wrong

As I kid I built a house around my broke cars

Sometimes you don't know what you had until it falls apart, 'til it falls apart

If I took the hand that was dealt me then I would be nowhere in life

Yeah, I had to think smart

Threw away the deck and got my own cards

Long before I had the money to afford a car

She’d suddenly gotten lower than she ever had been before, and her adoptive parents said it’d be best if she made some friends, and she tried, but she found herself in the bottom of a bottle like her mother. That was her worst fear, to turn out like her mother had. She hated the fact that she’d turned to drinking, and she wished she could change her decision.

She’d then found herself a friend that helped her through everything. She’d learnt of everything that had happened in Y/N’s life up until that moment, and she didn’t run or hide. She stayed by her side more than Shawn did. It scared her, opening up to someone again, after what Shawn had done.

Sometimes it’d scared her so much that she found herself dreaming of him and what they used to be before everything went to shit. Many nights she had spent waking up in tears, just wishing everything went to the way before Shawn and herself broke up, because he was one of the best things that had happened to her.

I've been doin' me (oh)

I've been doin' me

Yeah, I've been doin' me (I have been)

I've been doin' me

Followin' my dreams

Yeah, I've been doin' me (followin' my)

I've been doin' me

I've been doin' me (I've been followin' my)

Yeah, I've been doin' me

Followin' my dreams

Yeah, I'm just doin' me

Yeah, I'm just doin' me

She still continued to write her poems however, and she was still as passionate as she was five and a half years ago. Nothing in her career had changed, because of her traumatic past fuelled her to write more meaningful poems. Many turning back around to being about Shawn.

It showed. People figured it out, quite quickly too, which scared her. She hoped that Shawn hadn’t figured them out yet, because she didn’t want him to know that she still cared, despite everything that happened. She’d grown as a person, she’d sort of moved on, she’d got a new family, and she had a new friend. What more could she want?

Shawn. That’s what she wanted. That’s what she’d wanted since the moment they broke up. She’d never shed so many tears after their break up, crying for days on end, feeling herself become lower and lower, only for nobody to be by her side to help her cope with that.

Yeah, I'm reminiscin' back to both of us laughin'

Playin' old records thinkin' every one of 'em's classic

Windows down, we on the street up in Michigan rappin'

We talked about it, but never really knew it could happen

My confidence about as low as the gas is

We didn't have the money for it, so we'd turn the key backwards

And sit in parking lots for hours 'til the battery crashes

I think that we related 'cause both of us were lookin' for answers

A couple months ago I drove into Gladwin, got me all in my feelings

It's somethin' 'bout bein' somewhere that's familiar

Pull in the gas station, open up the tank then I fill it then laugh

Would I move back? Mm, not in a million, but I appreciate the memories that we had

I know you've been callin', sorry I never call back

I know I've been distant, you know I never meant that

You can tell the family how I'm doing if they ask

I'm just doin' me

Shawn was different though. He had so many people he could ask for help, but he didn’t. He didn’t want to admit that all of his problems were because of his ex-girlfriend, who had problems since the moment she was old enough to understand what was one. He didn’t want to tell anybody what his songs were about, because he just couldn’t.

He felt like it’d betray the trust he once had with Y/N, before he snapped and everything went down hill. She put so much trust in him that it physically hurt, because she was constantly a reminder of how much trust he could put into somebody.

He couldn’t do anything now. She was far to gone from her old self, that she wouldn’t even be able to help him with everything that went downhill for him. Everything went downhill after they broke up, but now, the only thing he could do was dream of what they used to be.