#sorry im very visceral about him

[karamell-sweetz]

in-class scribbles except its all just rui because. read my blog description

[didsomeonesayventus]

lord the way i can write in circles about Alear and the visceral experience of [redacted]

(or, the wordbarf of “I am very unhinged about Alear how dare you assume im normal” ft. copious spoilers for like. chp 21 onward because I need tumblr to know I’ve already said most of this on twitter to some extent)

he finally got to experience love and how he finally started recovering from his trauma and how he was at his desperate, frantic wit’s end probably when he first struck sombron down how he probably felt cornered and would rather risk his life and everything else to simply be free of his father how he went in without an emblem and all alone and likely not telling Lumera the full plan probably terrified if he would come out alive 1v1-ing sombron with nothing but fuck it he would rather fight for a chance to live in peace than wait for his dad to find out how “defective” he is and dispose of him like so many siblings and lumera was probably going to stop him because it’s crazy it’s stupid it’s risky it’s not worth it she loves him and promises one day it will end don’t be rash and please hold on but!!!!!! god damn does someone have to try and he is tired of waiting for the chance to get better he cannot fucking take it anymore!!!!! he can’t sit there and wait and worry and be strong he has a sister out there who is at risk every second they carry on their little hidden charade! 

How PAINFUL it is to finally receive kindness and be forced to realize all these scars and all these days spent walking on eggshells is for NOTHING for even what had been kindness before pales in comparison how WOUNDED to realize how damaged you are simply trying to survive and how unfair it all must feel when kindness and love was simply that easy to choose and yet knowing your father would never, EVER be kind.

and contrary to having a gentle and honorable nature that only carried out sombron’s will to survive, coerced into such violence and desolation, the nature that is stilted and a thoughtless machine so he, too, does not join the ranks of failure, the nature that the hero king himself recalls as “You were kind, as you are now.”, despite that gentle, gentle core that somehow survived he has such malice for his father there is no mercy there is no kindness dare I say he- with only a little conflict and concern -relishes the opportunity to personally do his father in because after years of abuse and trauma there is finally catharsis and it pours from him like he is finally vomiting and coughing up the vile dregs of the poison in his system

finally hope that is so disgustingly blinding right in front of him and how he was SO CLOSE he was SO CLOSE to walking away from this he was sick and giddy and the thought that he was going to get away and be free and live happily with his mother and go find veyle and be SAFE and HAPPY FOR ONCE IN HIS LIFE and then ITS JUST. TAKEN. IN A SINGLE MOMENT.

how even saying himself the war is over and they don’t have to worry still accepting that he’s a Fell Dragon this is just WHAT HAPPENS as if he is not sitting there dying, struggling to breathe, having just ended a war that nearly wiped out the Divine Dragons, no doubt caused terror across the land, HAVING DONE A GENUINELY OBJECTIVELY GOOD THING THAT HE HIMSELF RECOGNIZED and still saying that Fell Dragons die in the end. how he is no better than the father laying only feet away who treated his children like tools and only spoke his name once when he was born. Lumera says he’ll just sleep and he’ll wake up and it will be fine and how he so subtly doubts that and still speaks as if this is his last chance, simply speculating how, if he does wake up, he wants to be like her AS IF HE ISN’T ALREADY FOR. YOU KNOW. ENDING THE WAR AND SLAYING THE PROBLEM DRAGON.

the way i pull at my hair and scream at the top of my lungs over how AWFUL alear had it and how VINDICATING it is to see him grow and love and rage and scream and cry and find his own way anD KILL HIS OWN SHITTY DAD WITH A LASERBEAM OF LOVE AND ALL THE FRIENDS HE’S MADE AND GETS TO BE DRAGON JESUS HAPPILY EVER AFTER

[sinful-mind-joyful-thoughts]

𝐀-𝐙 𝐍𝐒𝐅𝐖 𝐀𝐥𝐩𝐡𝐚𝐛𝐞𝐭 𝐌.𝐀

⤷ Credits: Pinterest

Marcus Acacius x F!reader | WC : 3k | Proof read : KINDA | Navigation | Notifications | asks : OPEN

Summary: Every letter of the alphabet with little nsfw thoughts or drabbles about our favorite Roman general

Warnings: NSFW TOPICS OF SEX AND KINKS ASWELL AS DESCRIPTIONS OF SAID ACTS

A/n: this is my first time doing something like this so yeah be kind and enjoy

A = Aftercare 

After more rough sex, Marcus becomes the epitome of tender care and devotion. His strong arms wrap around you, pulling you close, refusing to let you go. The contrast between the rough passion moments before and his now incredibly gentle touch is almost surreal. He'd call for a maid to draw a warm bath, and with the utmost care, he’d carry you to it, his muscles flexing effortlessly as he lifts you. As the warm water envelops your body, he’d join you, his lips tracing a path of tender kisses all over your skin, a soothing balm to any lingering soreness. He’d wash your hair, his fingers massaging your scalp, whispering sweet nothings and praises. If the encounter had been quick and urgent, he’d still hold you tight afterward, savoring every second until the very last moment, reluctant to break the intimate connection. He’d stroke your hair, his breath warm against your ear, murmuring, “You were amazing, my love,” as he cradles you in his arms.

B = Body part 

Your favorite part of Marcus’s body is his back, broad and strong, a testament to his domineering presence. The way it flexes and moves is mesmerizing, a silent promise of his power and control. Every muscle ripples under your touch, a tangible reminder of his strength. Marcus, on the other hand, loves every inch of you, but he has a particular fixation on your breasts. The sight of your nipples hardening through your thin tunic in a chilly room drives him wild. His large hands can’t resist kneading your soft flesh, his fingers deft and knowing. He’d say, “I can’t get enough of you,” as his mouth follows suit, peppering kisses all over your chest. His lips are warm and demanding, leaving a trail of fire in their wake. He’d groan against your skin, “You taste like heaven,” as he takes one nipple into his mouth, sucking gently before biting just hard enough to make you gasp.

C = Cum 

 MARCUS HAS A BREEDING KINK OK IM SORRY BUT, every time he reaches his peak. He wants nothing more than to fill you completely, to mark you as his in the most primal way. When he's close, a low growl rumbles from his chest, and his hands become possessive, grabbing onto your hair, your arms, your head, your body—anything to ensure you stay in place. He’s driven by the need to make sure every drop of his cum stays inside you, a visceral claim that sends shivers down your spine. His intensity in these moments is overwhelming, leaving you breathless and utterly fulfilled. He’d whisper in your ear, “You’re mine, all mine,” as he holds you tight, his seed filling you to the brim. He’d watch with dark satisfaction as your body responds to his, feeling you tremble and clench around him, a perfect fit.

D = Dirty secret 

 he masturbates before battles to relieve the stress. The weight of command and the anticipation of combat leave him tense, and he finds release in the privacy of his tent, his fist providing the perfect outlet for his pent-up frustrations. He’d fantasize about you, the way you look, the sounds you make, driving him to the edge and beyond. The image of your body writhing in pleasure on his cock would push him over, making him ready to face the battlefield with a clear mind and a calm heart.

E = Experience 

 Marcus is confident and experienced, having been sexually active ever since he joined the empire’s army. He needed a way to de-stress, and seeing and feeling a girl lose control on his dick was the perfect way. He knows exactly how to make a woman scream his name, how to draw out her pleasure until she’s begging for release. He’d smirk down at you, his eyes dark with lust, saying, “You’re going to come for me, aren’t you?” before thrusting deeper, hitting just the right spot. His experience makes him a master of your body, knowing every touch, every kiss, every thrust that drives you wild.

F = Favorite position 

 Marcus’s favorite position depends on the situation. If it’s rough, he loves doggy style, the way your muffled moans fill the room as his skin echoes against yours. He’d grab your hips, pulling you back onto his cock with a force that makes you see stars. “You like it rough, don’t you?” he’d growl, his voice thick with desire. If it’s a more casual or de-stressing situation, he loves a good cowgirl session, letting you take control as he praises and degrades his perfect girl. He’d look up at you, his hands gripping your waist, guiding your movements as he says, “That’s it, ride me like the good girl you are,” his voice low and commanding. His eyes would lock onto yours, watching every expression of pleasure that crosses your face, his own pleasure evident in the way he moans your name.

G = Goofy 

 For Marcus, being goofy really depends on his mood. He's the type to let his jealousy flare up, his possessive side showing when he sees other men looking at you. But he’s also not afraid to make you laugh, his charm and wit coming to the forefront. After a dinner party when you’re both tipsy, he’d pull you close, his eyes sparkling with mischief. “Did you see the way they were looking at us?” he’d say with a chuckle, his fingers tracing patterns on your skin. Or after winning a battle, the adrenaline still pumping through his veins, he’d be ready to joke around, seeing the lighter side of life. He’d spin you around, lifting you off your feet, his laughter infectious. “Come here, my victorious queen,” he’d say, planting a playful kiss on your lips, his hands wandering, teasing, making you giggle and blush.

H = Hair 

Marcus’s hair is a testament to his rugged masculinity. It’s messy but not overwhelming, a happy trail leading down from his chiseled abs to his pubic hair. It’s a sight that makes your mouth water, a promise of the pleasure that lies beneath. He’s meticulous about keeping it just right—not too much, not too little. When you run your fingers through it, you can feel the softness and the coarseness, a blend that’s uniquely him. It’s a reminder of his primal nature, a part of him that’s untamed and wild, just like the passion he ignites within you both.

I = Intimacy 

 Marcus is a lover through and through, and his primary goal is to make you feel cherished and desired. During doggy style, he peppers kisses along your back, his lips soft and warm against your skin. Each kiss is a promise, a reassurance of his affection even in the throes of passion. In missionary, he gives you love bites, his teeth grazing your neck and shoulders, leaving marks that are both tender and fierce. He holds you close, his hands cradling your head, his eyes locked onto yours as he fucks up into you. When you ride him, he meets your hips with powerful thrusts, his hands guiding your movements, his voice a low, seductive murmur in your ear. “You’re perfect,” he’d say, his breath hot against your skin. “I love watching you take me.”

J = Jack off 

Marcus has a healthy appreciation for masturbation, finding it a useful way to relieve stress before battle. But he also loves to pleasure himself in general. One of his favorite scenarios is to jack off to your naked body as you kneel in front of him, your eyes locked onto his, waiting for his release. His hand moves with purpose, his gaze dark and hungry as he watches you. “You look so beautiful like this,” he’d say, his voice thick with desire. When he finally comes, he makes sure to aim for your face and chest, his cum painting your skin in hot, sticky ropes. The sight of you covered in his release, your cheeks flushed and your eyes half-lidded with lust, is enough to make him want to start all over again.

K = Kink 

 Marcus’s kinks are varied and intense, reflecting his dominant nature and his deep desire to possess you fully. He has a breeding kink, a primal urge to fill you with his seed and mark you as his own. He loves to switch between leading and being led, finding the balance between dominance and submission thrilling. Degradation and praise are two sides of the same coin for him—he can call you his dirty little whore one moment and his precious angel the next, each word sending shivers down your spine. Squirting is another of his favorites; seeing you lose control and release all over him drives him wild. Bondage is no stranger to your encounters, with ropes and restraints enhancing the intensity of your sessions. Voyeurism, spanking, orgasm control, and gags are all part of his repertoire, each one adding a new layer to the pleasure he gives and receives. “I’m going to make you scream my name,” he’d whisper, his voice a dark promise as he ties you up, his eyes gleaming with anticipation.

L = Location 

The location for your intimate moments with Marcus varies, adding an element of excitement and spontaneity. In the coliseum before a battle, the tension and anticipation heighten your arousal. Marcus pulls you into a secluded corner, his hands already roaming your body. “We don’t have much time,” he growls, capturing your lips in a fierce kiss. The urgency and danger make every touch electric, every kiss a promise of what's to come. In the bedroom, the intimacy shifts to a different kind of connection—a place where you can take your time and explore each other fully. The soft sheets and dim lighting create a cocoon of warmth and desire, where every touch and whisper feels magnified.

M = Motivation 

 Marcus is driven by jealousy and the desire to claim you as his own. The thought of anyone else touching you makes his blood boil, fueling his need to assert his dominance. Winning you and your body is his ultimate goal, a conquest that he approaches with both passion and reverence. “You’re mine,” he’d say, his voice a low growl as he pins you beneath him. “No one else can have you.” His possessiveness is both thrilling and terrifying, a reminder of the intensity of his feelings. Each time he makes you come, it’s a victory, a confirmation of his power over you.

N = No 

Marcus doesn’t share. The very idea of anyone else touching you fills him with a possessive rage. You’re his, and he makes sure you know it. “You belong to me,” he’d growl, his eyes dark with jealousy as he presses you against the wall. His hands would roam your body, staking his claim, leaving no part of you untouched. “No one else gets to see you like this, to touch you like this,” he’d whisper fiercely, his lips crashing onto yours in a kiss that leaves you breathless. His possessiveness is intoxicating, making you feel desired and cherished in the most intense way possible.

O = Oral 

 Marcus is experienced, and when it comes to oral, he knows exactly how to make you scream. His tongue flicks and swirls, finding all your most sensitive spots. But his fingers—oh, his fingers are even better. He loves the way you react when he slides them inside you, curling just right to hit your G-spot. His guilty pleasure is making you squirt, and he’s a master at it. “Come for me,” he’d murmur, his voice a low command as his fingers work their magic. And when it’s your turn to pleasure him, he loves it when you deepthroat him. The sight of you taking him so deep drives him wild. “That’s it, take it all,” he’d groan, his hand tangling in your hair as he guides your movements.

P = Pace 

 On a normal day, Marcus starts slow, savoring every moment. He loves to tease you, building up the anticipation until you’re begging for more. But once he’s ready, his pace picks up, becoming so rough you think he’s going to break you or the bed. “You like it rough, don’t you?” he’d growl, his thrusts becoming harder and faster. The bed creaks and shakes under his powerful movements, but you’re too lost in the pleasure to care. His stamina is impressive, and he knows just how to push you to the edge and then pull back, prolonging your pleasure until you’re a quivering mess beneath him.

Q = Quickie 

 Marcus loves a good quickie before battle. The urgency and the risk make it all the more exciting. He’d pull you into a secluded corner, his hands already roaming your body. “We don’t have much time,” he’d whisper, his breath hot against your ear. The quick, rough encounters are exhilarating, a burst of passion that leaves you both breathless and satisfied. He’d thrust into you with a ferocity that takes your breath away, his hands gripping your hips, pulling you back onto him. “I need you,” he’d groan, his movements frantic and intense.

R = Risk 

 Marcus and you love the thrill of voyeurism. The risk of getting caught adds an extra layer of excitement to your encounters. Whether it’s a quickie in a hidden alcove or a more drawn-out session where you know someone might overhear, the danger heightens the pleasure. “They might see us,” he’d whisper, a wicked grin on his face as he takes you in a public place. The thought of others watching, of them knowing just how much you belong to him, is a huge turn-on. His hands would roam your body, claiming you in full view of anyone who might happen by.

S = Stamina 

 Marcus’s stamina is legendary. After a battle, he can go for two rounds without breaking a sweat. On particularly good days, he can manage four rounds with only a short rest in between. Each session is intense and satisfying, leaving you completely spent and utterly satisfied. “I’m not done with you yet,” he’d say with a smirk, rolling you over for another round. His endurance means he can keep going until you’re both utterly exhausted, your bodies entwined in a tangle of limbs and sweat.

T = Toys 

 Marcus loves incorporating toys into your sessions, especially ropes and silk ties. He’s an expert at bondage, using the restraints to heighten your pleasure and control. “Let’s see how long you can last,” he’d say, his voice low and teasing as he ties you up. The feel of the silk against your skin is a sensual delight, the ropes binding you in just the right way. He loves to watch you struggle against the restraints, your body arching as he brings you to the brink of ecstasy. The added element of control and restriction makes every touch, every kiss, every thrust even more intense.

U = Unfair 

 In the game of teasing, you’re definitely the worse offender. You love to drive Marcus wild at every opportunity, whether it’s brushing against him suggestively or whispering naughty things in his ear when you’re in public. You can’t help but revel in the way his eyes darken with desire, knowing you’ve got him on edge. “You think you can get away with this?” he’d whisper, his voice a low growl as he pulls you into a dark corner. While you tease relentlessly, Marcus is more calm and calculated, choosing the perfect moments to get back at you. He’d brush his fingers lightly against your thigh under the table at dinner, or give you a knowing look that makes your heart race. “You’re going to pay for this later,” he’d murmur, his lips grazing your ear, sending shivers down your spine.

V = Volume 

 Marcus is a symphony of growls and grunts, his primal sounds adding to the intensity of your encounters. His deep, guttural noises make your heart race, a constant reminder of his raw, untamed passion. Every so often, he’ll slip up and let out a deep or strangled moan, the sound vibrating through you and making you even wetter. “God, you feel so good,” he’d groan, his voice rough with need. Those rare moans are like music to your ears, a testament to the pleasure you bring him, and they drive you wild, pushing you to give him even more.

W = Wild card 

 Marcus likes you in control more than he lets on. When you take charge, he doesn’t have to worry about anything; he can fully let go in a way he usually doesn’t. He loves the way you take the lead, guiding his hands, setting the pace. “Show me what you want,” he’d say, his eyes filled with desire as he watches you take over. It’s a wild card move that brings out a different side of him, one that’s completely surrendered to your touch. The trust and vulnerability he shows in those moments make your connection even deeper, the pleasure more intense.

X = X-ray 

Marcus’s dick is large and in charge. It’s about the girth of four of your fingers and three of his, with a slight curve to the left and a hard length of 8.5 inches 

Y = Yearning 

 Marcus’s desire for you is insatiable. His yearning is always high, a constant, burning need that he can barely control. “I can’t get enough of you,” he’d say, his hands roaming your body, never satisfied with just one touch. He’s always ready for another round, his passion never waning. The intensity of his need makes every encounter feel urgent and necessary like he’s been waiting forever just to have you. His eyes would darken with lust every time he sees you, a silent promise of what’s to come.

Z = Zzz 

 Marcus always makes sure everything is okay with you before he falls asleep. After an intense session, he’d pull you close, his hands gentle as they caress your skin. “Are you alright?” he’d ask, his voice soft and filled with concern. He’d kiss your forehead, making sure you’re comfortable and satisfied. Only when he’s certain you’re okay would he allow himself to drift off, holding you tight in his strong arms. His protective nature is a comforting presence, making you feel safe and loved as you both slip into a peaceful sleep.

[ghostkingdoesstuff]

A friendly reminder I am not to be held accountable for the things I'm about to say. Percy Jackson Season 1 FINALLY (SPOILERS BUT THAT'S THE LEAST OF YOUR PROBLEMS)

The visceral noise I made eating popcorn as Luke said "look you didn't ask to be a half-blood" caused an earthquake in Alaska, I'm sorry I was facing northwest.

"Riposte" I'm sorry, no I'm sorry no-

Also, the background of the sword fighting scene was very pretty.

Poseidon showing up for his son!!! Letts gooooooo! THE WEIGHT OF THE OCEAN UPON YEE!!!

Right in the heel, it's gotta hurt!

Percy asked his uncle to please return his mom, wholesome family gold.

"He'll kill you." "I done to stop running from monsters." "You're gonna need all the luck you can get." The show gets why these two work. Friends before anything else.

Glory as a theme is something that I like that the show highlights more. But Grover is right. at least send an insurance email or something. A quick "on my way, please don't kill anyone"

Dropping the master bolt on some poor dudes desk, legendary.

Olympus is so fucking beutiful omg

I'm gonna cry if Luke and Percy are in the same scene as each other in this episode again. ILL DO IT! THAT'S A THREAT!

The dead silence, I'm shitting omg... yes I know what happens and?

Followed by "I didn't steal it! Neither did any of my friends" IM GONNA CRY! IM GONNA DO IT

The pin strip suit, the sky blue paisley tie, the presence, the voice, THE KING OF THE GODS PEOPLE

Lotta talk for someone so small and scary

POISIDEN GETTING BETWEEN HIS SON AND HIS BROTHER I'M GONNA THROW UP

POSIDEN AND ZEUS SPEAKING GREEK I'M GONNA PISS

THE SEA DOES NOT LIKE TO BE RESTRAINED (🎶BRING ON THE MONSTERS BRING ON THE REAL WORLD!!!🎶)

SALLY JACKSON TEACHING PERCY GREEK I'M GONNA-

"Of course we dream. why do you ask?" "Do you ever dream about mom?" ;-;

Thalia looking strudy as ever.

"Ready?" NO FUCK YOU NO

Another reminder I am not to held liable for anything I might say, you need only see how many times I've listened to "Last day of Summer" from The musical to understand how much I've thought of this moment in fictional time.

Confirmation that Luke was indeed what mattered most in the end? I'm gonna make myself cry shit-

Honestly, this Percy might be too smart for his own good. Bro's never gonna live this heartbreak down.

"You...I'm here to recruit." I- fucking- AHHHH

"OUR WAY OUT" RICK YOU BASTARD I HOPE YOU ROT IN ASPHODEL

"Stop saying "we"!" "It’s the word Zeus fears the most."

AND SHE HEARD EVERYTHING! Wasn't she supposed to be watching Clarrise? He'll, if Percy could figure it out, I'm sure Annabeth would. It's worth it to see that LOOK on Luke's face. I'm sorry. Feel the weight of your actions, man.

Miss my old friend the pit scorpion but I also like my new friend "the first scars we gave eachother"

He knows Luke won't hurt him physically, but the psychic damage hurts more and has lasting status de buffs.

"Just be a kid" that's it

"I'll find you" that's it

Promising to meet again next summer...Percy just you wait.

THE FAKE OUT OF A LIFETIME

"Grandpa" "don't call him that"

They are the ultimate mother son duo

BLUE PANCAKES!

Kinda hate that Sally didn't intentionally do a murder, or at least she has a lot more possible deniability now, but I hope she still makes a sweet sale on that sculpture!

And that's it! Fuck it's over what to do now... RE READING THE LIGHTING THEIF LIFE BLOG COMING SOON! As well I'll probably drop a summary of my thoughts on the whole season at some point soon! Happy Finally, y'all! Can't wait to see the discorse!

[kevindayscrown]

So I just read that kevin used Jean in order to flee from the nest, and he also knew that by doing so, Riko would get enraged and take it out on Jean, but it was his only chance. Maybe Kevin thought he could help Jean after he got out of the nest. Maybe he thought jean could endure the pain that Riko would inflict on him and find a way to help Jean after that. Maybe he asked Wymack to help jean since wymack knows everything about the nest.

Idk i refuse to believe that kevin did nothing for jean after that incident and if he didn't i'm sure he spent all those days thinking about jean i'm sure he felt guilty every single day of his life

And i'm almost sure that kevin tried to coax jean into leaving the nest. But jean thinks he belongs to the ravens. He coudn't save someone who didn't want to be saved. Kevin also said “I knew you wouldn’t come with me.” So I'm sure he tried to persuade him but jean just wouldn't budge.

nora made him this selfish asshole she hates him i swear lol

i need kevin's POV i'm sure he did try to rescue jean but he failed

Sorry for any grammatical mistakes i'm not a native

I think there is a lot more nuisance that goes behind this. I don't think with what was implied in TSC that Nora made him a selfish asshole.

Let's work with only what we know from Jean's POV; that night, Kevin asked Jean to distract Riko, knowing that Jean would say yes. Kevin told Jean nothing else; he didn't try to convince him to come with him. Does that make Kevin an asshole? Maybe. But also Kevin was indeed well aware that Jean would have said no, and Im pretty sure he didn't try to change his mind. We don't know what was going on inside his head, but it's also safe to assume that Kevin had one goal that night, and that was to just get out of there. Is that selfish? Maybe, if you look at it on a surface level and only if you look at it through the perspective of Jean (though I don't think that if you ask Jean now, in canon, that he'd consider Kevin selfish).

But the thing is that, as right as Jean is in being angry at Kevin for leaving him, Kevin also had every right to escape that night.

I don't think it makes him selfish. Kevin knew that if he stayed in the Nest, he'd either die or left to wither away as nothing more than remnants of a legacy (which for Kevin, it might as well mean he is dead regardless). Kevin made a very difficult choice, and it was difficult not only because he had to leave Jean behind but also because he had to abandon everything he knew. He chose to leave Riko’s side despite having been brainwashed to think that he is meant to be his second, his pet. Unfortunately for the Moriyamas, conditioning Kevin to care about exy and his game so much meant that, at the threat of losing what he thinks is his only worth, he became defiant enough to run away.

Also, we need to keep in mind that something happened between Jean and Kevin before the incident with Kevin's hand; they weren't as close as they once had been. And another thing we need to keep in mind is that Kevin didn't even know everything that was being done to Jean (which I find hard to accept but that's per canon right now).

We also need to keep in mind that you can't save someone from drowning without the risk of taking yourself down too. In the long run, Kevin making it out first meant that he could help Jean later, as it eventually happened. It was the only logical solution. Trying to convince Jean wouldn't have worked, and the Moriyamas wouldn't have been as 'lenient' about losing two investments instead of one.

But yes, Kevin does admit to feeling 'bottomless guilty.' Kevin isn't just some asshole who only cares about himself, despite the circumstances. Even as things are implied in canon, I think Kevin leaving is implied more as "a tragic circumstance that couldn't be helped, the fault for which befalls on the abusers who forced their hands" rather than "Kevin is an asshole who left Jean".

The two don't even argue about it as viscerally as people had expected; deep down, despite the resentment about the fact, Jean probably understands. He doesn't blame Kevin for leaving (at least not at Kevin's face), but he does blame him for sending him to distract Riko. And he is right to do that. Even if Kevin had been desperate and afraid, even if he has all the reasons in the world to have done that, Jean has every right to be mad.

Situations can be nuanced like that, and it's fine. If anything, it makes things more interesting to explore and more complicated.

Though I do agree that a Kevin POV of that would be great to have.

[crosbyism]

HELLO IM BACK (the sid should have gender affirming sex anon) bc i just realized the real and true reason for sid’s old jock. it looks like an infection hazard right?? THATS THE POINT. the constant dick checks needed to prevent a rash. having a glorified 15 step korean skin care routine for his dick and balls. demanding nate double check his junk.

i had a whole thing about sid fucking his way across the masculinity spectrum to tell u and i can’t express it rn :( i am slightly high i think sid starts out w some fairly stereotypical cishet ideas of masculinity and sex, thinking in the middle of the flyers era misgendering. assumes his visceral negative reaction to getting babygirled is as much the sub part as gender (also bc prob has a lot of cishet ideas about gender and penetration and power) then he gets baby boy-ed and it’s like iiiii can shooow uuuu the woooorld like i think he’s a switch (sex competition!) which imo is underexplored but idk maybe he was operating off the hind brain assumption that bc he was topping in a certain sitch he’s be in charge and gets baby boy-ed by a power bottom. or maybe he tries anal but decides penetration doesn’t get him the way a handjob does bc he wants to touch dicks! idk i think sex gets a lot more wet n wild when penetration isnt treated as “realer” than all other forms even if it can be fun! i am high and this is probably a more nuanced topic than i can express rn sorry :( i just was struck w inspiration about sid’s nasty jock and demanding his junk be looked at to see if other ppl thought he was getting a rash or not

sid gets wiggly when condescendingly called sport

ur so right re nate and the eroticization of the everyday via sid’s masculinity kink. also i think one time the sink breaks and sid’s hind brain is like I Know What To Do and it’s not until he’s standing in front of the sink wearing a white tank top jeans toolbelt and holding a hammer (for a sink???) w nate staring at him expectantly that sid realizes he got all his knowledge from porn and has no clue what to do when facing an actual sink

also i think nate can trick? sid into doing chores if he frames it as fulfilling sid’s being a middle aged man kink. home depot dad kink. babe bring home the bacon. hey handsome going hunting? (grocery shopping). hey stud gimme a ride? wow we should compare charcoal vs gas grill maintaince. man these burgers are so good u gotta show me the recipe

i’ve mostly talked about sid here but ur nate idea w him having his everyday in a box and sec in a box and sid exploding the boxes is soooooo good

ok bye im going to go eat peanut butter. wait no i have chocolate cake!!!!

BESTIE WELCOME BACK 😍🥰😘 lol i love u and feel free to come into my inbox high and craving chocolate cake anytime. im laughing and delighted

LMAOOO re: sid’s nasty jock being an excuse for regular junk inspections, im crying ur SO right bestie. sid keeps being like: oh nooo i have to get my junk inspected again :( and someone has to fondle it while talking about my cock and balls in excruciating detail :( oh nooo what if they have to take out a magnifying glass :( to check for an infection :( and then they’d have to KEEP talking to me regularly about by cock and balls. and inspect it. every day.

anyone else: sid why don’t you just get a new jock

sid: no :) can’t. ✨superstition✨

like it would be SO ON BRAND for him. im crying. and also rolling in this headcanon like a pig in filth (read: sid’s junk in his jock)

re: sid working his way up to it and discovering the delights and dynamics of queer sex as an underbaked youngling, u r cooking and now i’m thinking about, like. sid nervously for one of his first sort of hook ups working his way up to insisting on topping with a very effeminate gay dude (since he feels safe asking for it there) and the guy just blowing his mind going “mh honey you’re such a stud, you’re gonna come and fill me right up, aren’t you?” sid goes UH. yes. YES PLEASE. and the sex essentially starts the process of boiling the frog for him, bc the guy is like. clearly at least a a decade older, clearly handling the reigns, but he’s also luxuriating in getting a cock inside him, calls sid (“just, uh. don’t call me kid, please.”) a sport, a stud, a good boy, basically sort of caringly soft doms him (“oh you’re gonna blow your load soon, aren’t you, baby boy? inside me? it’s okay baby, your big cock feels so good, i want it.”) while also begging for a cock in his ass. by the time sid walks out of there his queer third eye is blown wide the fuck open and he starts sucking and fucking his way through pittsburgh, craving nothing less than the high of shrimp colour sexual encounters. figuring out the shape of his (masc kink) sexual preferences one ultra specific hookup at a time.

the thing is that as a rookie he’s small in hockey terms, but he’s still a big guy compared to the normal population. so it’s not exactly hard to start topping dudes. but i think he does the classic dom top thing a couple of times and it gets a little boring. he loves fucking jocks, albeit starts out fucking smaller guys than him. he’s ecstatic the first time a bearded guy bigger than him goes to his knees and praises how pretty his cock is between sucking him off. he loves being called baby boy. sometimes even likes being called “kid” (but only in a specific gay hookup way). over the years he grows to like and appreciate all sorts of little masc epithets (big guy, handsome, mister, and ultimately daddy). i’m with you re: absolutely a switch, although i think he works his way up to some stuff. he just always, regardless of dynamic, enjoys sex the most when it’s full of masculinisation kink. he loves to be a dude fucking dudes. any which way. he loves touching a dick

i’m laughing so much @ nate tricking him into doing chores via middle aged dad kink bc why are u SO right about this. this is real to me. once nate figures the masc kink thing out he is milking that cow cock day and night about it. “hey handsome going hunting? (grocery shopping)” and “wow we should compare charcoal vs gas grill maintaince” are going to live in my mind rent free forever now, thank u. i’m gonna wake up in the middle of the night two weeks from now thinking: “hunting (grocery shopping)”. and the fact that sid 100% gets off on it. thrives on being referred to like this. sid wants to be the mustachioed porno plumber so bad. nate lets him tinker and break the sink even more just for the kink of it before they break 3 hours and two rounds of sex later and finally call an actual plumber. it’s a good thing they’re millionaires that can afford to break their appliances even more before hiring a professional to fix it.

[pe0ple3ater]

I was rereading your panty sniffing fics and,,,, oh my goddd im barking chewing the walls i need more im insane

Fun little extra/request: Pac wearing the panties while Fit slips his cock between his folds, so everytime he thrusts his cock slides between his folds and stains the panties with his and Pacs precum. (I have no idea if this makes sense im so sorry if not)

-@qpacs-tits

ngh yeah. This is. My biggest Sex Thing. Thanks for requesting, I wanted to write this so badly. Let's kiss (/p)

Pac looks pretty laid out under him.

It's a fact that Fit is pretty used to, by now, but every time he finds himself in this position he's remined of just how true it is.

Fit's dick is also reminded, very viscerally, how fucking hot Pac is.

Pac coos softly, grinding his hips up and watching the way Fit shudders with the movement. He's not even inside of Pac, just resting between his folds dragging hot and wet through his slickness. Trapped down by the thoroughly ruined pair of panties Pac's got on, staining the ruined fabric even more with the pre that's leaking from his cock like a faucet. Fit does a slow drag and watches the way Pac throws his head back when Fit's cock drags against his little t-dick.

Fit thinks he could literally do this for the rest of his life and be happy.

Pac's still got his hoodie on, but it's riding up enough for Fit's eyes to be able to trace the delicious dips of taunt muscle on Pac's stomach. Defined abs and a very enticing v-line leading Fit's eyes down to between Pac's legs.

Fit nearly doubles over when he starts to truly grind against Pac's cunt, head catching on his entrance occasionally and making Pac keen with need. Fit groans and pins both of Pac's legs wider apart, rutting against him like an animal. The drag of the wet silk against his dick is only adding to the pleasure, Pac is wet and hot and needy under him. He's making the most beautiful sounds, like straight out of a porno, and Fit feels himself getting close embarrassingly quick.

It's something about the depravity of it all, rutting between Pac's legs like an animal. Getting off and not even being inside of him. Pac is clearly getting off on it just as much, but Fit feels like his brain is surrounded by fog.

"Cum for me, Fitchi," Pac is nearly begging, twitching and clenching around nothing. Fit groans and nods, fucking harder and faster. It doesn't take him long before he's finishing, watching the way his cum pools under the panties and soaks into the fabric. He groans and pulls Pac's panties aside, using his cum to jerk off Pac's cute little dick and bring him to the finish line as well.

Fit can't help himself, he smacks around for his communicator and snaps a picture. Pac's cunt, covered but barely anything hidden. The fabric sticking to every dip and fold, obviously darked from his and Fit's fluids. Fit shudders and leans down, pressing a kiss to where Pac's dick is twitching with oversensitivity.

[fence-time]

OKAY! EXPLOSION TIME

@wireman-au - you already know this one, but i think they updated since last time

Lifeline AU - by @/slash-magpie (sorry mags, unsure if you're ok with being pinged)! Good fic based off of a video game that i enjoy greatly. Changed my life nodders. llau!imp n skizz are very important to me they're so fucked up,, every mental illness ever about this au. Main characters... well, I don't wanna give too many spoilers, but let's stick with the first three: Impulse, Tango, Pearl! also joehills and zedaphplays are amazing human beings (COUGHS LOUDLY AT JOE IN LB) and i love them

Chasing the Horizon Line - by @nine-of-diamonds and @1watermelontea! Mers :3 they're fun and i also greatly enjoy imp n skizz here though it's less centered around them and more around gem... (first book, at least. also i inspired melon to add a Thing about skizz in this fic so im proud of that fact)

wanna break all the clocks and mirrors - very cute, pretty quick one-shot about imp n skizz and limited life!

The Haunts That Bind Us - *squints* im like. 90% sure rusty courage made this. it's good. phasmo :3 lots of angst and trauma and impulsesv

Birdsongs - OHHHHHHHH MY GOD THIS FIC. THIS. FIC. ranchers slowburn but subtle enough you can ignore it if you're not into shipping, people are correctly written for once, LATE 90'S-EARLY 2000'S MUSIC FESTIVAL AU. it's amazing. scott gets into a bar fight. jimmy steals something. first chapter is tango tek waking up from drunk music playing. skizz is amazing i love him. very very vague spoilers: weed + enjoys movies = pondering arson

i believe that we will see a better day - this fic has a special place in my heart for Reasons that i will not elaborate on as i do not want to have any personal information leaked don't think about it too hard <3 good fic

Natural Satellite - You probably aren't in this fandom but the fic is good i trust you can learn by context clues!! i love gay people!! this fandom is very good at visceral descriptions of love and also just visceral descriptions in general

Traveling Thieves - LOOOOOONG series but soso good! will not elaborate

And finally, if i may suggest some of my own headcanon/rarepair propaganda:

(how does it feel?) to be an expert in a dying field - i wrote this for mcyt aro week! grayro skizz, my beloved rarepair snowangel, title from my favorite band... yea :3 quite proud of it!!

...sorry if you've read any of these already

OH MY GOODNESS I’M SORRY MATE. ITS BEEN TOO LONG AUEEHHH OOPS? tho thank you so so much :O!!!

[sirenofthegreenbanks]

another one!! 🪳

recommend a great AU!

this took me too long to answer excuse mwah <3 sorry i couldnt resist asdhjash such a stupid joke

with you from dusk by katharija. WOH modern au, chronic pain, unspecified chronic illness, angst, trust issues, vulnerability, grief/mourning, sharing a bed, T. i literally just finished rereading it this morning! a brief glance at wenzhou's early days, but set in modern day. im very weak for conversations in the dark, after some guards have been lowered and possibilities to live your life a different way, a better way, seem tangible. there is also a sequel to this!

hunger by lastembers. WOH modern au, chronic pain, unspecified chronic illness, referenced cannibalism, canon-typical violence, domesticiation of a monster, M. also a fic i finished rereading the other day! what if wenzhou were neighbours, but wen kexing eats people? u know that im very into cannibalism as this metaphor for something else and as a stepping stone to experience real emotional intimacy! i also really like it when the very palpable sensation of hunger functions to talk about very related things, very visceral things, that can also be felt in the body.

there is a line here i particularly liked:

"Aren't you hungry?" Zhou Zishu asks. Wen Kexing is watching him like he's the most interesting thing in the world. "No," Wen Kexing says. Zhou Zishu knows its a lie. He thinks maybe Wen Kexing is always hungry.

oh, you're mine to take, i wanna hear the sounds you'll make by anonymous. MDZS modern au, genderbend wangxian, experimenting with gender, E. just quoting that one tumblr post from a while back: "dykes who want get fucked in the ass like gayboys." yep!!!

fish & wild geese by impossibletruths. MDZS modern au, wangxian, little forest AU, hunger as a metaphor for grief, farming as a metaphor for healing, food as a metaphor for love, T. lan wangji moves into his dead mother's house and tries to remember how it is to live. its been a while since i read this but i still remember how the grief felt like a fishbone stuck in my throat.

and you must keep your soul/ like a secret in your throat by athena_crickey. MDZS, The Untamed, modern au, modern cultivation, supernatural elements, vampires, culture clash, case fic, grief/mourning, complicated family dynamics, the weariness of being old and immortal, what it means to be alive, E. wei wuxian is an ancient vampire and lan wangji is a young (youngish) cultivator who seeks him out for a case. i particularly liked seeing glimpses of wei wuxian's earlier lives through fictional academical articles and reports at the end of each (i think it is each?) chapter, and sometimes through their conversations. i like it when there is a really old (really, really old) being there and through them, you are challenged to confront what being alive for such a long time does to a person, in what ways it reshapes them.

in the water grass, in the green by nerdzeword, twigofwillow. The Untamed, modern with magic, wangxian, angst, illness, curses, witches, river spirits, family, gardening, G. lan wangji's mother falls ill. he asks the wen witches across the street for help. this fic, too, has the theme of finding solace and comfort in cooking, food, and nature! i love lan wangji being this transcended being between a person and a river! there is also some anticipatory grief here and complex family dynamics; even though madam lan isnt dead, it is hard for lan wangji to reach her because she is not accepted by his family. he has feelings about that.

bug me bug me for fic recs!!!!

[diabolikpersonals]

sorry for such a broad question but in your opinion is laito a well written character relative to everyone in diabolik? i really Want to learn more about him but i also dont want to subject myself to All That and i just want to know if he's worth reading about or just a pile of interesting plot threads thrown together for shock factor and unfulfilled thematically.

like my current personal opinion (may be wrong) is that i dont feel satisfied with the idea of yui's love or proactiveness fixing laito in any way because it doesn't mesh well with the actual ideas surrounding his character and unpacking that love is not poison goes beyond romantic love or a singular place of understanding. additionally it doesn't feel earned it feels like a chore for the player to trudge though for the sake of reading. i dont want to read laito's story that bad if it's the case yet im intrigued by the things offered by his character like the processing of the deeply visceral way csa shatters who you are

I wanted to wait till I finished his CL to answer so I'd be fully caught up with laito's routes, but that'll take too long so.....!! I might change my answer later!! lmao

[tw laito stuff, csa and suicide, yeah]

I do think Laito's a well-written character but his stuff is really difficult to get through if you have certain triggers, so it's tough to recommend. Even beyond the csa stuff, Laito is in a real hurry to die and he makes several attempts throughout the series. There's a certain unique sort of awfulness, at least for me, involving scenes where a character fails a suicide attempt and then get even more upset and desperate about it. So I understand what you mean when you say you're not excited about putting yourself through it. They were the hardest routes for me to get through too :')

A lot of earlier games suffer from endings that are like "And the two lived happily ever after, and we're not gonna unpack all that stuff!" and Laito's routes are no exception, but if you can look past that and make it to LE, I wouldn't say that Laito gets fixed. He has an ending similar to Ayato's that's like, it feels like we fixed everything but in reality we couldn't overcome the core issue! They really seem to believe that Laito absolutely can't be happy or live a normal life the way he is now. He has to die and/or rewrite his memories to be comfortable loving someone. It's up to your tastes if that's satisfying or not, but I kind of love the bittersweetness of LE endings, and the way they feel like a happy ending until you think about them a little too hard.

What's interesting is that Yui's purehearted love often hurts Laito more than it helps him. He responds to love, from Yui or from his family members, with revulsion. There's jealousy when he interacts with straightforward characters like Yui or Ayato, like "If only I could be as simple and pure as you, but nope, I can't." He's very self-aware for a diaboy, which only makes it hurt more when he keeps arriving at the conclusion that he's rotten. He definitely makes progress, which is really satisfying to see, like how he gradually allows Ayato back in his life emotionally. But as of right now, the end of his arc is so, like, "I tried, really I did! But my perspective on love is fucked and I need a hard reset! Maybe I'll be normal in the next life but definitely not this one!! Bye!"

...So, it's hard to say if you'll be happy with it. I see a lot of mixed opinions concerning the LE endings. They often give the diaboy what he wants but not what he needs, so you're left going, "Wait, I don't know about this...!" A lot of people really hate these endings, but they actually get more interesting to me the more conflicted they make me feel...and oh boy, was I conflicted about this one! :'D

If it sounds interesting to you, too, and you don't mind some pretty brutal scenes along the way, give Laito's routes a try. His HDB will definitely make you mad though lol

[prettyboykatsuki]

i think the toji/gojo one im writing is very tame in terms of content but its not actually fdkjsdsd....but their dichotomy.... this fic..... im haunted.... i need to let it out. before i finish my paper. there is some bottom gojo in this mess of thoughts so 18+ hrejffdkjs

cw toji / gojo, ship content, unhealthy dynamics....idk....bttms gojo and canon divergent

with toji and gojo the idea of them interacting as some kind of punishment for both parties is so appealing to me. there is so much raw and visceral hatred in that interaction. they envy each other in ways unbeknownst to anyone and it shows. and toji is older. and gojo has in general parent issues, family issues - that he can finds he is only able to dissect in tojis presence. it's a unique issue, because toji is the only one who has a grasp of gojos situation but understands it the least. toji has a disdain for gojo but also comes to pity him in a unique way that disgusts himself. they should never be in the same room for all of eternity.

and gojo in his twenties is such a particular kind of vulnerable. the raw suffering and heartbreak combined with general apathy, the closed walls. but he's not sturdy, not like late twenties gojo. there's no one he can share the depth of himself with, though shoko tries. but toji understands it doesn't he? that level of shattering loss, all done at his hand? of course gojo resents him but it will never bring back the person who changed him, who loved him, and toji is like that too isn't he? when gojo is in his twenties, it brings him some kind of unspoken peace to be used in that way. he hates it. he misses his best friend. he lets himself shatter, but toji doesn't hate gojo.

what he represents? what he is? maybe

but not gojo himself. toji remembers being more like him. toji doesn't let gojo break completely. they call each other their given names and never speak about it after, and toji is solace. he's not exactly sorry for it, not exactly sure - but he lets satoru blame him while he fucks him open. fucks him stupid, takes him apart - lets satoru threaten him over and over. sometimes toji wonders if gojo will really do it.

toji knows that gojo never will after this. toji will die later, gojo won't miss him. but toji might miss gojo and he doesn't want to think about it. he carries the weight of gojos youth more than once but never promises him anything. he can hate what the kid is and still knows he's not much more than a kid. toji thinks this is the only version of them that can exist, that only him now can fuck this young, soft, vulnerable satoru.

toji will eventually. satoru will never recall his twenties with any warmth. and everything will fade, and toji will be forgotten. they're alike in so many ways, but toji knows that gojo will be better than him. and he'll never really let go of him, either. somehow that's enough to make everything feel normal.

[noona96n]

Hi....If you don't mind, can I ask, what are your top 10 (or top 7) favorite media (can be books/ manga/ anime/movies/tv series)? Why do you love them? Sorry if you've answered this question before......Thanks....

no worries, im happy to answer. and, if i happened to already answer sth, I'll link u to it.

so, fav medias... hmm...

book(s): the radiant emperor duology

ik it just came out and was only recently finished (like, finished Sept 2023 lol) so this is probably bias speaking but i am extremely taken by She Who Became the Sun and He Who Drowned the World, these books are fckn phenomenal. the gender-fuckery, the exploration of gender and sexual performances, the hidden message of embracing ourselves in all our ugliness and 'deficiency' and making a place for ourselves and ppl like us when others shun us. these books are just!!!

documentaries: immortal egypt (Joanne Fletcher)

i really really love documentaries and this mini series hold a special place in my heart bcs i love history and I've always been fascinated by egypt and Joanne's enthusiasm is just so joyous and infectious, i love it. i put this on repeat in the background when i was doing my graduation project in 2018 lol yea, just me listening to egyptian docu while working my ass off on AutoCAD lol

anime: sarusuberi/miss hokusai

idk how to explain but there's just a quality to this animated film that got me going... like, i adore howl's moving castle but miss hokusai is sth else. it's so peaceful but also deeply profound and visceral somehow.

tv series: aircrash investigation

i love planes, i love the Concorde in particular, but it has nth to do with how cool planes are but with how child-me saw riding planes as a thing that only ppl with money could do. it evolved from there.

i also love mysteries and aircrash investigation is both lol

i remember watching it on tv when i was an adolescent and i was fascinated with the mystery and problem-solving of it all ever since.

movie: the prince of egypt

it's a story about love; love that forgives, love that creates hate, love that divides.

drama: nirvana in fire (c-drama), beyond evil (k-drama), kluen cheewit (thai soap opera)

bl-specific: old fashion cupcake (anime AND manga)

the plot of these dramas is impeccable (tho kluen cheewit is extremely dramatic so pls beware lol), the character developments are fckn amazing, and what's even more important is the platonic relationships between the characters!!!

also, special shout-out to thai bl soap opera khun chai/to sir (with love) as well! the drama is off the charts, the characters are flawed & human & infinitely relatable & Tian & Yang's brotherhood is EVERYTHING

just one of the best bls out there and I've consumed A LOT of BLs/yaois... ALL SORT of em lol

the story is really grounded in reality, the plot is so mundane and relatable, the characters are mature but extremely flawed, and the art (in the case of manga) and the acting (in the case of the series) are amazing.

song: queen bee by vannda (contemporary music from my country)

i DO NOT agree with the lyrics AT ALL but i adore the melody. i absolutely love, love, LOVE how he blends traditional khmer music with the modern one. it's not a necessarily modern take but it's sth different. this artist is very good at blending the old w/ the new and i applaud him for that. his music is so pleasing the ear but the fkcn lyrics... urGH

well, a song of his with message that i completely agree with is time to rise with master Kong Nay... though the mixture is too in my face lol which is why i prefer queen bee

[wildflowerteas]

we finally got elli booksandpaperss to start tsp and it took them literally 4 hours to read chapter 1 (cause we went off on a multitude of unrelated tangents frequently) BUT HERE ARE THEIR REACTIONS

ELLI BOOKSANDPAPERSS HI HELLO IM SOOOO SORRY FOR WHAT THEY'VE BEEN PUTTING YOU THROUGH

ooohhhhh the nostalgia. i was talking 2 a friend the other day about this, but reading the first chapter of TSP in my google doc makes me soo so nostalgic. things were just so much simpler then 😭 Mark calling Atsushi 'Tiger,' Akutagawa being, well . . . Akutagawa. On that note, I always get so nervous about sskk's dynamic here, because they don't have the whole 'rival organizations' thing going on, and once that's taken away they're actually quite compatible, friendly, and in-tune with one another ( see: BEAST ) but it's just a leap away from Canon that i feel sick every time i think about how it'll be received.

POOR ELLI 😭 I forgot just how much happens in the pilot chapter. It's almost 13k words, but that fact never seems to stick in my brain.

WHO IS HANA. MORE PEOPLE?

OOhhhghhghhhh dazai's absence being physical. Only to Fukuzawa, though ( I actually haven't shown much of how Kunikida and Sasaki and Tanizaki are dealing with him being gone in the present ), but that's because Fukuzawa saw Dazai less as a subordinate and more as a ward. The empty physical space ( his desk ) is also filled by Akutagawa, who doesn't even know he's sitting where Dazai did twenty years ago.

THE CONSES ARE QUENCING. Stealing that!!!!!!

This is why the atsushi art was getting rb'd . . . man i don't even blame you guys. i don't have access to Clip Studio paint right now ( because I'm abroad without a subscription on my tablet nad away from my wacom u_u ). but when i get back, and when I'm settled in Australia for next semester, there WILL be more of him!!!! provided the burn out of finishing the fic by then doesn't absolutely kill me.

oh GOD i have to update that reference post. It's not up to date at all.

Nyxi . . . (˚ ˃̣̣̥⌓˂̣̣̥ )<3

phew this was wild. I'm so glad Elli is enjoying it so far ( also I'm having a very visceral reaction to all of your messages back--if i could reach through the screen and cover your mouths to silence you i would. no spoilers!!!!!!!!! spare Elli please!!!!!!! )

[kimkhimhant]

I love the instinctual gravitation towards warmth it's one of my favourite pieces of fiction,, I'm curious what inspired you to write it/how did you come up with the premise

(no pressure to answer <3)

ahhhh hi thank you so much for the question and for reading TIGTW! i'm so glad you enjoyed it!!

honestly, there were a few things that inspired the particular plot, and all of it had to do with my own analysis of Kim as a character. if you hadn't noticed, i kind of obsess over him.

gonna start with two canon moments that influenced the direction of the story a lot:

this first one: kim staring at his empty hand after chay gets up, after kim himself was unable to say i love you. i think its a beautiful moment for kim's character – the emptiness and visceral loss. he didn't commit any physical harm, but it still manages to mirror the common trope of a character staring at the blood on their hands after killing someone. and the second one: we only see this scene on reflection and not when it happens chronologically, and it's so briefly shown we don't know what happens before or after, but in this moment, Kim looks wrecked. he's sitting there listening to Chay sing his love song in the studio, and he can't handle it. he looks like he's about to have a panic attack, and he gets up and leaves, and we don't know what happens next.

So TIGTW starts with that scene. the "what happens next."

So that kinda sets the stage for what aspects of canon most inspired me lol. I guess the main inspiration for the premise beyond that is personal experience and projection. We see very little of Kim as a character beyond what he shows to other characters in the show. (maybe that's intentional to the story-telling. we know as little about him as the other characters. we get only a couple brief scenes of him alone, either investigating, or playing the guitar/writing while daydreaming about Chay and smiling). but what we do see is someone who's very isolated and who flounders in the face of affection, but seems desperate for those little moments of warmth he gets with Chay. so in comes projection: here's an isolated and lonely boy with a fucked up family and a childhood that likely lacked a lot of emotional warmth – let's give him all the problems that hit closest to home for me.

An opioid high feels like a jacked up version of love and joy and warmth. Kim can't get those feelings anywhere else, but... he could get them here. He's scared of emotional attachment, he's scared of being Known, but a feeling of love and safety that he's in control of, that he can enjoy in private? he'd cling to it.

Im gonna be honest, I didn't have a full plot when i started writing it. I'd only planned up to chapter 11: Kim spiralling after fucking things up with Chay, and then getting shot saving Chay because he was under the influence, and this being the turning point for him getting clean. Everything after that was just the natural progression that seemed to make the most sense for his continued recovery. because i really really wanted to portray a real recovery process, that wasn't just: oh, he has love now, he has Chay and his brothers and he decided to get clean now and that's that. he's sober and recovered and happy and the story is over. because that's not how it works. by the time i finished the main story, i had about a dozen different updated outlines, because it developed more and more with every chapter i wrote lol.

i guess the short version of this answer would be: i saw myself in him, and i wanted to give him healing and a happy ending, no matter how long it takes for him to get there.

sorry for the huge tangent, and thank you again for reading and your continued interest in the story! it means a lot to me, especially because the story itself is so important to me.

[therethatstar]

star. STAR. Hi. I hope you're doing wonderful. So I'm here to give love! I'm sorry if my love is a bit clumsy. So I've read "there you are, a fixed star in my mind" and I have a lot to say. First of all, i find it so fcking cute that you have titles that relate to the sky and stars and your word play is galaxies and the universe, because it correlates so well with your name and i don't know but i find it so lovely. It's just a little think I observed, and I couldn't not say it. Second, let me tell you these days I've had such a bad ache in my right shoulder (it's impeding me from everything, even writing, it sucks) and reading that Peem is struggling with it felt so cathartic surprisingly. Relating to him made my frustration w my shoulder recede a bit. Now - I think you write the shift of tension wonderfully. I truly adored how it altered from that physical, tense tension and then it went towards unresolved feelings that were embedded with another kind of tension, a particular one that fits the wall Peem put up between them. It felt languid, the shift of conflict - from their initial bickering that felt like a facade for what they were actually doing, to the actual focal argument (conflict) of the whole piece. Also let me be incoherent about PEEM NOT BEING ABLE TO STAND PHUM NOT LOOKING AT HIM, NOT PAYING ATTENTION TO HIM. It ached so good, star. I love characters who have something and then lose it and feel so incomplete without it that they lose it. Especially when it comes from another character like GOD FCK I'M Phum asking for a kiss and Peem going "you know we don't do that" (paraphrased) is just DJAFHSF it made me feel like I was the one falling between the cracks of Phum's feelings right there thank you very much. I just think it's just fcking wonderful, you know? How you kept their dynamic and incorporated it so flawlessly into a fwb situation. Not even friends if we take it as it is. Hooking-up situation. I just think it's really neat how you made me feel like It's Literally Them and you shoved me and them into a conflict different from canon and you still made me feel so raw reading them coming to a standpoint, and Peem finally giving in to what he's feeling so viscerally. When he started demanding (pleading) for Phum to kiss him because that's he wanted to do previously I just lost it. I lost the plot. I wanted to shove myself against all the walls in my house thank you. And maybe I'm just overthinking it but I just think- Just the whole thing with Phum trying his shot, going for a kiss and then retreating completely when Peem slams the wall in front of him. I just think that fits so fcking well with his character and the trauma he wears on his shoulders like a mantle. Maybe he felt like an inconvenience, maybe he saw that it was unwanted and that made him recall all the times he felt so and just, did what you do when you feel like that. You back off. I don't know if I'm reading too much into it, but it was a delight to read it all. Here is my absolutely, ultimate favorite line that you gifted us: "He has to die a lot just to live a little with him," - this made me also die a lot so i can comprehend the power of this line. Holy sht. AGAIN YOUR WORLD PLAY ABOUT STARS AND GALAXIES AND AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH The smut? Amazing, thank you. Thank you for the flavors, star.

cole you are not allowed to make me cry first thing in the morning. absolutely not! im going to put you in a timeout for making me feel this much as soon i open my fucking eyes. we’re not talking for the next 45 minutes!

i read this ask many times and i have just been sitting with it because really…. how does one respond to something like this ? and im not just saying it just to say it but i genuinely feel like i don’t deserve this ☹️

like it’s just a silly little fic. and as a fellow writer, maybe you’ll get me on this one. but whenever you write anything, there are certain aspects of it that you like a lot and you hope that the reader catches on those little details but in reality, you’ll be happy if they literally just read it. so to see you bringing up details, it puts so much values on this silly little fic and now im just like, i don’t deserve everything you’re throwing at me and it’s making me feel things and I DONT WANT TO FEEL THESE MANY THINGS ON THIS FINE SATURDAY MORNING ! like how am i supposed to go on with my day now ? you must take responsibility cole !

peem feels a lot for phum like ALOT. he has been feeling a lot for phum even before the whole hooking up thing and i really hope people were able to catch that, otherwise i didn’t make it obvious enough 😅. and i think he genuinely does not know how to deal with those feelings. and that leads him to being a little shit sometimes because he thinks that’s the only way to get phum to pay attention to him, by pissing him off. and then he gets so used to that attention because really, phum is ALWAYS looking at him. that is not at all an exaggeration. so the moment phum stops doing it, it was driving peem up the wall that he starts doing dumb shit just to get phum to pay attention to him. i enjoy writing peem in this dynamic a lot.

when writing peem yelling at phum to kiss him, i just had to write it exactly like that because peem is really just a little shit. he’ll never take the first move. he’s needy and he’ll never admit he’s needy. he will find a way to make it about phum who is needy. and phum KNOWS this about peem. so a lot of time he gives in, because it feels good to give in because he doesn’t mind letting peem have it. and i think peem is slowly coming around too because sometime phum is a little shit too. sometime phum will be like “oh you want a kiss ? well that’s too bad. you can always come and get it yourself tho.” and yeah it’s a give and take situations, peem and phum know each others’ bullshit pretty well so they always give as good as they get.

with that being said and to what you said about phum, i do think phum is the type to give in more often. this version of phum, he’s not too much in his head most of the time. he’s a pretty straight forward person and he lays all of his cards on the table for peem. so perhaps, when you’re the only always give in, rejection will taste different for sure because now he’s actually starting to question his place in peem’s life. and if peem can just stop being too much in his head for like 3 seconds, he’ll see how down bad phum is for him.

and im sorry to hear about your shoulder pookie ☹️ i hope that it will start to feel normal again soon 🙏🏻

one time, i came across someone who said, being in love with someone who doesn’t love you back but you still choose to stay anyways sure feels a lot like you’ll have to die a lot just to live a little with them. and that struck me ever since. so im glad it did a thing to you too.

again cole, thank you so much for this. im going to read this ask over and over again and im going to think about it for the rest of forever. i hope you are doing wonderful as well and im sending so much love right now i hope you’ll be able to receive all of them ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

[aechii]

₍⁠₍ SPEAK NO EViL ₎⁠₎ ~ CH. 2

[ a kylian mbappe series ]

SYNOPSiS ! it's summer break, where, yes, academic freedom ensues, but for stellar, upcoming young football stars, an unmissable opportunity springs. bondy elite summer academy prepares its youth for the professional world, and inevitably, everybody is hungry to succeed. girl or boy. life isn't kind to 18 year old kylian mbappe, and being mute seems to be a limiting factor of his progress. but once he's accepted into the football camp, he's determined to prove that his football speaks for itself. yet, in the midst of fatal determination and apathetic competitiveness, he doesn't expect to grow intrigue for [y/n], a profound player in the camp's feminine unit, whose kindness and exquisite skill awakens a visceral feeling within kylian, showing him someone else that he could love in a world filled with hate.

PAiRiNG ! mute!kylian x fem!reader | fem!reader x oc!boyfriend

A/N !  i would like to first sincerely apologise for the super long wait. life's been 🫨 but we move. i just love how i’ve written kylian and ethan’s relationship here 😭 like im over here shitting tears and scraping paints off walls cos they’re honestly too wholesome and the best brothers to exist (canonically and prbly irl but who knows?). brice and kylian’s bromance is BROMANCING, lemme just say; im very proud of the characterisation i’ve established for everyone tbh. anyways, hope you enjoy this chapter! things get a little bit more yk 👀 so im very excited for you lot to read this hehehe. tell me your thoughts in my askbox, i’m very eager to know 🤍

SERiES MASTERLiST ! here!

TAGLiST ! [ ask here, those in bold i couldn't tag ] @sad1esgf @ts1mp0ne @fezlvr @ippid @kyksgirl @user6373738 @kenjekwownwjn @lalunaenamoradasworld @mywhimsyjournal @imagesthatlive @heli991113 @cinderellawithashoe

the moment kylian exits the car, he’s encompassed by a wave of thick disbelief. his eyes seem stitched to the grandeur building that stands before him; it’s all glass, glittering in the sunlight that bleeds incinerating heat upon the earth below, and it sends the boy into a frenzy. hasn’t seen infrastructure that screams money to such an extent.

he flaps a hand in front of his face, fanning himself, although rather futile. brice, from the other side of the vehicle, walks up beside him, crossing his arms as he leans on the door.

“wow… just wow.”

kylian turns to face him, arching an eyebrow, as he signs, “haven’t you been here before? moreover, many, many times?”

they’re in public, and as usual, kylian finds his throat go stagnant and brain go blank, so decides to use his hands instead. he’s ever so grateful for brice’s present at that moment.

“yeah, but,” brice exhales, almost wistfully, “it’s always better in person.”

“you’re right about that.”

kylian’s father rolls his suitcase towards him, dumping his duffel bag on top. a smile, a proud one, is ever present on his face, akin to kylian’s. he knows his father sees himself in him, has so much faith in him, and it’s a driving force of his purpose here. not just for him, but his whole family; a referral is the only thing that gleams in his conscience, knows that he mustn’t let the 5 weeks be in vain.

wilfried puts a gentle, fatherly hand on his son’s shoulder, a grounding gesture that speaks much to kylian’s mind. 

“do well, hm?”

“you mean, like i always do?” a cheshire grin fills his face, and it makes his father laugh.

“yes,” wilfried nods and chuckles, “like you always do, kylian mbappe.”

ethan materialises out of nowhere, hooking an arm over his brother’s shoulder. kylian almost pushes him off, but for the sake of goodbyes and farewells (for only 5 weeks, yes, but he’s never been away from ethan for even half of that), he tolerates his sudden attachment. 

“that hurt, you know?” kylian brusquely signs. ethan removes his arm as he returns a sheepish, “sorry,” before resting his head upon his brother’s shoulder. 

kylian exhales, then limply signs, “i’ll miss you bad.”

“it’s only 5 weeks?”

he looks at ethan incredulously, “only 5 weeks, you say? okay then. don’t call or text me at all.”

“you did not need to go there,” ethan’s response is deadpanned and immediate, making his older brother grin widely. kylian would definitely miss this. life will feel slightly sloped and discrepant without ethan’s constant antics, but kylian knows that his career comes with sacrifices, the most obvious one being stepping out of his comfort zone: the restricting boundaries that sees him remaining inert within the lines of local club football. 

bondy is the light at the end of the tunnel, and kylian just hopes that the journey would be worth it.

ethan snaps him out of his mental dally with a tight side hug, then he realises that it’s time for him to depart and register himself in. beyond a certain point, marked out by a blue roped barrier hanging from gold posts (a colour combination kylian would need to get used to for the next month and more, all in the name of bondy patriarchy), family members are prohibited, and so last words are to be said within the parking lot. 

“i will miss you,” ethan mumbles. evokes a smile out of kylian as he notices ethan’s hesitation, “believe me, i know.”

from behind him, his father urges him to go as a line of participants accumulate, and begins to feel the trepidation press against his heart.

“love you, bro.” ethan signs. his mind screams, ‘don’t go, don’t go, don’t go.’

kylian’s mind shrieks, ‘don’t cry, don’t cry, don’t cry.’

“that referral is yours.”

masks a pained smile behind a light-hearted one, ruffling ethan’s hair as he received a glare back. god, he’ll miss ethan more than he fathomed.

“it is.”

then they fistbump, for the last time.

+_-

inside is cool and dry, differing from the hot, humid, sticky air outside that had clung feverishly to skin. the interior structure of the academy puts its external counterpart to utter shame. high ceilings, suspending blue-jewel-embezzled chandeliers, ribbons of gold and royal blue traced in half-wave curves along the walls that seem to be the only thing in this unfathomable-acred campus that don't  abide by the fervid colour scheme. kylian has never seen as many trophies in one glass cabinet (or, rather, walk-in closet; it is massive) as what just stood in the far corner of the foyer. 

“close your mouth, ky,” brice leans in and whispers, snickering. they are unlucky, having to join the right foot of the queue after spending a few extra minutes receiving last minute warnings and advice from their mothers especially. nothing with ill intentions, but rather harsh loving concern. 

kylian immediately shuts his mouth, flushed. brice grins wider, shoving a hand atop kylian’s hair and rubbing it roughly. he’s immediately slapped away and sent on his way with a pointed glare. 

“you're a heathen."

brice snickers, albeit loudly, "right back at you."

they're both taken aback as two boys right in front of them, identical twins they suppose because they look eerily akin, glance behind with looks of confused judgement. the exchange is swift and they turn to face ahead no more than a second later, before huddling close to the other, and swapping whispers. 

their thoughts, though internal, are vehemently blatant to kylian. from a retrospective point of view, he understands– it's as if brice had talked to thin air. he nudges his friend beside, and dejectedly gestures, "sign, please."

brice's understanding is immediate, and rather apologetically, he responds, "okay, sorry." 

"don't be."

they stand and shuffle down the line in silence. it's unlike brice to be wordless for such an extended period of time, but as for kylian, it's second nature. an hour passes, they've only progressed by half of the queue, and its obvious that brice is becoming restless. they haven't sat once, and although kylian had suggested he sit on his suitcase (it was undoubtedly big enough), he refused, saying that it wasn't strong enough to bear his weight. 

"you good, b?"

brice catches him a second too late in his peripheral vision, and asks him to repeat.

"i said, are you good?"

"it's like you're asking me to fight," brice signs humourously, "but yeah, i'm good. just… buzzing with every feeling you could think of."

kylian nods, but brice's words simmer properly, and he then realises what he had said, "every feeling? so you feel��� angry, con-"

"why wouldn't i be?"

kylian's delirious, "why… would you be?"

he watches as brice glares at the boys in front of them, and he sighs, "i thought you would've gotten used to it by now, brice."

"you're my best friend— practically practically a brother to me. why would i just let it go, moreover, get 'used to it'?"

kylian notices how his signs get more rapid and hard to decipher. he has a habit of merging two words- subconsciously, he doesn't blame him- or missing out words entirely when he's angry. he stares more intently to understand his friend. 

"i get you. but you're doing more harm than good when you retaliate."

brice doesn't sign back, and huffs begrudgingly. they fall into a prolonged silence once again, and it takes another half an hour before the reach the front counter. 

"welcome to bondy academy! can i please have your names and factions?"

the receptionist is a young woman, probably only 3-4 years older than the two, with honey skin and honey skin and a frizzy afro. kylian looks at her gold-and-blue name tag and sees the name 'genevieve' written in bold black. 

brice gives her a friendy smile, "my name is brice tchaga and his," he points at his friend, "is kylian mbappé. we're both in elite. we’re both in elite."

she nods, typing their names into the computer before again, nodding affirmatively again. she slides a clipboard upon the counter with a pen, and asks them to write their signature next to their name. brice does so, and slides it to kylian, who looks at him and discreetly signs, "i don't have a signature."

"you don't?" brice's face morphs into one of subtle surprise as kylian nods his head. 

"just… make up one. or just write your name fancily, it's not that important here."

kylian is acquiescent, and as brice waits for him to finish writing, he looks up to see genevieve looking at them. her eyes, however, hold no malice, and rather watches them, smiling. 

"you both sign?"

brice's mouth falls agape, "you sign?"

genevieve chuckles, "yeah. my mother is deaf so i had to learn early."

by now, kylian's noticed the exchange between the two, brice turning to him for permission to share his reason. he gives him a look, and brice knows that kylian can handle himself. he's probably happy that he's found a common ground with someone who's not brice, even though she may only be the receptionist. 

"i've been selectively mute for a while, so i talk mostly by signing. brice here is my translator, i guess— wow, now i'm trauma dumping."

kylian is ever-glad that it's practically just the three of them in the foyer, save a couple of bustling workers who are too busy to notice them. 

genevieve laughs heartily, grabbing two gold lanyards from beside her before handing it to the both of them. 

"don't worry, you're good. those are your id and keycards by the way. you lose them, you have no access into your room for the next 24 hours."

kylian scrutinises his and makes a face when he notices the rather unflattering photo they had used. 

"you two are running late now, so i'll let you go," genvieve says. her face suddenly turns stoic, "my only advice is to keep your head down, not everyone here is as nice as i am."

"i did come here expecting the worst, to be honest."

"pessimist."

"i'm being practical, brice."

genvieve intervenes, "it's not all that bad. arguably the best football experience you'll ever have before going professional."

she glances at her watch, alarmed, "okay, i really have to let you go now. the conference room is through those doors, down the stairs, and then the first door on your right."

kylian smiles at her, and expresses his gratitude as brice does the same. she dismisses it with a graceful wave of her hand.

"i'll be rooting for the both of you," genevieve chides, then signs, "good luck."

hopeful and with spirits elevated, brice and kylian amble to the conference room. it’s capacity is just as expected, if not larger, occupied by gold-rimmed blue chairs which accommodate several other competitors, in 6 rows of ten. their entrance alerts those already seated, and a few turn around to take a glance. he wasn’t expecting to see all factions congregating simultaneously, observing the range of ages situated around the room. kylian feels the heat of anxiety nip at his skin, and as he and brice stroll to take their seats, he begins to feel nauseous. 

it’s only a few seconds later when a man, with salt and pepper hair and clad in a suit of a colour that quite frankly, kylian is absolutely tired of seeing and it’s only his first day, walks in. his aura of assertiveness is palpable, and as he, along with a few other adults, take their stand on the pulpit before them, the whole room falls silent.

a lean man, dressed in casual sporting gear and first born trainers steps forward, "all rise.'

a ripple of shuffling bodies and chairs permeates around the room. kylian observes his surroundings, analyses how he, along with brice, are one of the shortest boys in the elite faction. he grumbles internally at that. 

the same voice tells them to sit, and the audience obeys, then the room slithers into another deafening quietude. it feels as if it's prohibited to even breathe and kylian can sense his hands gathering with sweat. 

"good morning bondy," the same distinguished man from earlier pronounces, voice detailed with bass, "my name is jacob dubois and it is an utmost pleasure to have all 60 of you here; i hope the appreciation is reciprocated."

a few nods come from the kids around him and slight relief washes over kylian as he realises that they are free to move. 

"you all have been selectively chosen to come here. we didn't choose random aspirants, but ones who show passion, determination and most of all, potential." 

kylian's fingers tingle with excitement. he's here for a reason. 

"thus, we expect all of you to follow our ethos with pride."

formalities extend for more than half an hour, kylian feels his buttcheeks ache and has had to nudge brice awake numerous times. 

"did you not sleep?"

"i did," he signs back sluggishly, "this talk is always boring."

kylian can't deny that, shaking his head with a small grin. 

as the clock strikes 11am, an hour since they had entered the room, the director finally graces them with the technicalities of the regime itself. 

"your 5 weeks here will be filled with training, educational trips, end-of-week assessments and, most importantly, improvement. you're expected to be up at 5am everyday-"

murmurs erupt, mostly by the younger factions, and mr dubois brings a palm up to silence them. 

"-and curfew is at 9pm. anybody who is seen outside of their accommodation past this hour will be punished."

he waits for any objections, doesn't get any, and proceeds. 

"today is your first day of training. you'll first be taken to your rooms where your kit will be, then receive a tour of the campus. all factions will congregate in their designated parlour where their head coach will give itineraries, and tell you what to do next."

"who's ours?" kylian asks brice, and he shrugs, "dunno. i was asleep at that part."

rolling his eyes, kylian shifts his focus back to the man behind the pulpit. 

"i wish all of you the best, and may the best 3 get their referrals."

a round of applause ensues as the line of coaches upfront move towards where they were sat, and, kylian guesses she's the junior faction's head coach, a tall woman with blond hair orders the kids sat right at the front to stand. they leave the room with their rolling luggages and the rest move into hushed, murmuring chatter. 

"that was long for no reason," brice stretches his neck as he signs, yawning. 

"i know, but sleeping? i thought you said you got 8 hours."

"well, i could barely sleep for 5. my aim was 8."

kylian brings a hand to brice's head, pushing it down to his shoulder. 

"sleep for a bit, something's telling me we'll be here a while."

the boy snuggles in immediately, whispering a 'thank you', in which kylian just pats his knee in response. 

by the time they're summoned, it's been another half hour. kylian taps brice awake, signalling at the suitcase, grateful that brice catches on quickly. his stomach churns in hunger, yet knows they won't be eating for while. 

their head coach, kylian comes to learn, is coach moreau; dark-skinned, averagely talk with dark facial hair. he's not as intimidating as mr dubois, but both kylian and brice can smell his sternness from a mile away. 

"your rooms are on the other side of campus so we'll have to walk to get there. at the lobby, i'll give you your door numbers and you can find your way. please keep your keycards safe, you hear?"

they all nod, and some verbally express their affirmatives.

"good. let's go."

their amble is a good 5 minutes, and both boys, at the end, don't see the need of having a tour. they had passed everything they could think of, and they wonder just what more bondy could have. 

the accommodation is a sleek mini apartment complex, in kylian's words, and seeing as though it only seemed to have one floor, he's unsure if it'll fit all 20 of them. the main door is cut from space grey tempered glass and two security men stand mightily at the entrance, greeting coach moreau, shaking hands.

he then turns towards them again, "feminine and masculine units are separated. this building is for the boys and the girls' complex is behind this one."

kylian ignores the defeated sighs that come from a few boys in front of them as brice glances at him.

"get settled and dressed in your kits by," he checks his watch and gives a reasonable time, "12.15. do not wear your boots indoors, at all, so please keep them in the string bag we've provided for you. let's start rooming you lot."

pairs of names are stated with their room number and little by little, the group breaks off. kylian and brice's names come last, and they are given the number 5b.

they move towards the elevator, waiting for it to come back down. the metal doors slide open and they shuffle inside, kylian just about catching the sight of the girls leaving as the doors shut again. 

brice releases an exaggerated sigh, "i need sleep."

"we've got a whole day ahead of us, if you're able to, you should buy some lucozade at lunch."

brice shakes his head, "i stay clear of those things, mr addicted-to-energy-drinks."

kylian huffs, throwing his hands in the air, "i'm not addicted, i just have one a day."

"have or need?"

kylian throws him a deadpanned look as the elevator opens, giving him the middle finger. brice snickers and follows him out, both looking at the doors they pass for their room. they reach the end of the corridor before finding it, and brice uses his card to open the door. 

"holy. fucking. shit."

brice drops the handle of his suitcase, rushing in like a child gone feral at a candy shop. kylian rolls his eyes as he picks it up, but then freezes when he notices the interior. 

the entire space as soon as they enter, is an enormous area of the living room. it's just about bigger than brice's own bedroom back at home (which, in turn, is much larger than kylian's) and everything feels too fresh to touch. a colour scheme of dark grey and white occupies the space, a large bondy logo  stuck on an empty wall in dark blue. 

"i'm surprised they didn't dump a bright gold sofa here," brice teases, and kylian hums in agreement, "with you on that one. i'm getting tired of seeing those colours, i swear."

brice opens one of the doors, notices that it's the bathroom, then closes it again. 

"restroom?"

"yup."

brice goes to the one not far from the one he had just opened and storms inside screaming, "dibs this one!"

that triggers kylian, who runs to the room, completely astonished at the size. there's no way in hell that the other one's bigger. 

brice jumps back first upon the bed, closing his eyes in bliss, " 've missed these beds."

kylian leans on the door frame, watching his friend in faux disdain, "didn't even give me a chance to fight for this room."

"it doesn't work like that, ky."

"you're sick."

he moves back upright, walking to the room beside brice's, and is succumbed by shock. 

just what more surprises does bondy have?

his room is marginally larger than his friend's, a large king sized bed, protruding outwards from the wall situated to his right. a white desk sits near the window, which overlooks the bondy campus, and beside that, a white-washed timber wardrobe. 

he grants brice the peace of mind at the moment, smirking to himself, and shuts the door quietly as he moves into the room. on the bed is a navy blue string bag, and kylian picks it up. the material is light yet sturdy, feeling the thin material of his kit inside, then he tugs it open. 

the attire is navy blue, with one thick gold stripe running vertically on the left, the crest sitting right on top. he smiles warmly as he turns it around and sees his surname etched in gold as well. there's no number. he's the number 7 in his club, and knows he needs to prove that he's worthy of it here. 

he changes into his kit and glances at the clock. it reads 12pm, and kylian exits his room to retrieve his case just his friend does the same. 

"i feel expensive," brice chides, kylian agreeing. he's also clad in his kit, everything completely identical apart from the name scribbled on his back. 

"we only have 15 minutes to unpack," kylian informs as brice wheels his suitcase into the room. 

"i probably won't do all of it– only half."

they both sort out their wardrobe, almost getting carried away as brice barges into kylian's room telling him that they have 2 minutes to spare. they decide to take the stairs this time, woe betide them they leave their keycards, and reach the lobby just as coach moreau gets there too. 

through the glass door awaits the feminine half of their faction, already socialising as a group, and kylian feels his chest dip. he tries not to think about it too much, afterall, he has brice, and it'll be very unlike his friend to ditch him for someone else during their say. 

coach moreau moves them outside before talking, "we'll begin the tour down the south wing- here- before moving towards north. i hope all of you are ready because this campus is big."

brice leans into kylian and whispers, "you don't say." kylian breaks into a smile, pushing his friend gently. 

during the hour the spend walking- walking!- around bondy's grounds, kylian's brain overspills with information that flies into his ear and out the other. salvages as little as the fact that south wing consists of their dorms, from junior to elite, and leisure spaces whereas its north counterpart inhabits the main and training pitches, every type of hall you could think of, separate parlours for factions to bask in and the canteen. 

brices legs are completely spent, kylian's no different, and once they make their way into their designated space, brice wastes no time to sit on the blue settee. 

"okay everybody, take a seat," coach moreau's voice comes from behind the bunch. they all find a place to sit as the man stands at the front. 

“since i’m sure not everyone knows each other here, we’ll do short introductions. you can state your full name if you want, and what club you currently play for,” his eyes scan the room. the passion is definitely there, that’s undeniable, and coach moreau can see more potential than he ever has. “football is not just about skill and playing, but forming relationships with your teammates, as well. remember, bondy is competitive, but do not let it get to your heads, okay?”

a chorus of ‘yes coach’ follows, and he smiles at the teenagers before him. kylian’s brain seems to go stagnant and he feels scorched all over. he hadn’t planned for this, isn’t prepared. brice looks at him, silently asking if he’s okay, but he doesn’t find it in him to respond. before brice could initiate his concern, verbally, their coach is speaking again.

“alright, we’ll go clockwise, i’ll start; i’m coach moreau and i’ve been coaching here for about 20 years now. i’m normally accompanied by coach lambert, who teaches the feminine unit, but she’s been off for the past few hours. she should be back for training later today.”

the next boy starts to speak. he’s tan skinned, with dark brown hair that’s completely shaved into a buzzcut, “i’m zion saez and i play for l’aigles.” 

the girl beside him shoots him a grin, and he returns it. if anyone present was any dumber, it would be unknown that they’re a couple. they try to be discreet, but their fleeting, prolonged touches sell them out. 

“i’m [y/n], and i also play for l’aigles,” zion’s girlfriend states after. a girl beside her begins her introduction, and before kylian could fathom, it’s his turn. he doesn’t speak- for god’s sake he can’t- and the silence is nibbling at his ears. 

“boy, it’s your turn,” coach moreau’s voice penetrates into the room. everyone’s staring, their eyes dig into his skin, and he brings his hands up to sign. he’s shaking, but hopes that brice can determine it good enough.

“i’m kylian, and i play for loc.”

no one makes a sound afterwards, and his heart collapses in on itself. coach moreau looks at him, his eyes speak of something he cannot understand, then a voice comes from his far left. 

“can you not speak?” his tone is almost degrading, and the humiliation that permeates through kylian is an understatement. 

“he’s mute,” brice seethes, “there’s no reason to be rude about it.”

the boy doesn’t respond, staring at brice with his face crumpled in scorn, and kylian nudges him to let it go. an expectant, yet awkward silence commences, and kylian has to nudge brice again, knowing that in his state of anger, his self-awareness is absent. 

“brice. i play for toc too.”

coach moreau’s gaze interchanges between zion and brice, then he says, “what i said before isn’t a joke. football is about respect, and you’re taught that from early, or am i lying?”

there’s no reply, and he repeats himself, louder and miffed, “am i lying?! zion? brice?”

a collective, murmured ‘no coach’ comes from the both of them, and coach moreau hums. 

“i’m glad i’m being heard. let’s go to lunch.”

+_-

their first training session succeeds after their lunch break, in which the meal was a simple plate of pasta, but kylian had to get seconds. the more bondy surprises him, the more he thinks there’s a catch. privilege cannot come so effortlessly and also have him running scot-free; he leaves that thought for his future self, though. 

coach moreau has gathered them at the centre of one of the training pitches, with the feminine unit on another with coach lambert, after an exertive warm-up and drills ensemble. 

“i feel like i’ve played a full 90,” brice complains to kylian as he stands beside him. his friend pats his shoulder apologetically.

“since it’s your first day, i think a good game of 5-a-side will really establish the skill we have in this team, don’t you think?”

a cacophony of excited cheers and hollers come from the boys and adrenaline finally pumps within kylian. 

“team one will have…” he scans his clipboard, “brice, joel, kylian, rafael and kody. the rest of you on team two, get yourself some green bibs, you’ll be shooting to the goal on my right. let’s get going boys.”

kylian and brice get in position as they wait for the opposing team to situate themselves. once they do, the game begins with the shrill sound of coach moreau’s whistle, and kylian is already dashing for the ball. it’s passed to someone else on the green-bib team before he can reach it, and as brice is closer, he’s able to tackle it off the boy. he passes it back to kylian, who makes a run for the goal.

his speed gives coach moreau whiplash, he has never seen such like it; it’s almost an art to watch, elegantly swift and gets faster with every metre he runs. he circles kylian’s name and goes back to watching the game, just quick enough to notice zion barge into kylian with such vigour that he tumbles out of the pitch. he pushes his whistle between his lips and blows it forcefully. 

everything happens with hastened velocity. kylian is quick to regenerate himself, standing up and immediately shoves zion’s back with all his strength. his sides throbs with a dull ache from the collision prior, yet all he sees is red as zion’s face comes uncomfortably close to his, lips stretched in a sickening smile as he taunts kylian. 

“what are you gonna do, huh? you can’t even talk, you fucking freak.”

then he’s dragged away by coach moreau before his fist can even come close to zion’s cheek.