#iamaprofessional

[not-glorfindel-stop-asking]

Would you rather have someone lazily tug at the laces of your robe while keeping heavy eye contact OR have them run a single fingertip down your throat before smirking at your reaction?

WHAT.

What, dear Anon of the City of Ymous, possessed you to craft such a question?

What muse whispered in your ear—what scandalous, audacious spirit took hold of your hand and guided you to type out these words?

Was it the wind, heavy with the scent of spring?

Was it the moon, low and silver and dripping temptation into the night?

Were you perhaps, in the throes of some great romantic fever, clutching at your chest and sighing longingly at the ceiling before you decided, “Yes. Yes, this is the moment I must inquire about Lindir’s preference for devastating flirtations”????????

I demand to know. For academic purposes.

But to answer—IF I MUST—allow me a moment to regain my composure, for truly, the sheer nerve of this inquiry has left me reeling. Staggering, even. I have had to sit down. I have had to place a hand upon my chest like some tragic figure in a romantic play, whispering “oh Valar” under my breath as I attempt to process what has just transpired.

Now. I am a dignified, well-mannered individual. A professional, if you will. A scholar. A composer. A refined and respectable member of Elrond’s household. And yet. AND YET.

You present me with a choice between a slow, deliberate tug at my robes—with unwavering eye contact— and the trailing of a single fingertip down my throat, followed by… a smirk? A smirk?!

What kind of tragic, romance-novel foolishness is this?

Do you think I would survive either? Do you think my delicate sense of propriety could withstand such an assault? Would I remain standing? No.

One would leave me frozen in place, as if struck by some cruel enchantment, incapable of forming a coherent thought. The other would see me set ablaze—combusting on the spot, reduced to nothing but a pile of elegant, tragically flustered ash.

There is no victory here. No way out. No escape from the utter destruction of my composure. Only the inevitable, catastrophic downfall of whatever dignity I so desperately cling to.

HORNY JAIL FOR YOU.

Immediately. Do not collect two hundred silver coins. Do not stop to pick up your quill and parchment to draft further obscenities. Straight to the dungeons. And may the Valar have mercy on your soul.

[pandaerica]

Hello! I painted this adorable portrait earlier this summer for a scammer who tried to rip me of commission money. They spent the time to go thru all the steps except signing a contract and paying via mailed check or digital bank transfer/Venmo. Super suss when they asked to have money sent to an unknown bank account that I did not specify. In today’s day, all legit clients know how to use Paypal, Venmo, or bank transfer. All legit clients can easily go to ask for a bank check, can nullify/void incorrect checks and provide new checks at the correct payment amount requested. If they can’t do that simple, basic business transaction or refuse/unreasonably delay signing a contract, it’s a scam. Give them a short deadline to respond to contract and payment email and if not, move on. Don’t let scammers waste your time. 💖🌸🌟 That said this painting is heavy, smooth watercolor paper, with watercolor and gouache paints, and colored pencil. It’s perfect for a 4x6” frame. DM or email me if interested in purchasing. Set price is $50 + shipping. ☀️ #PandaErica #portrait #kidlitart #painting #commision #frelanceart #artforsale #artist #watercolor #gouache #coloredpencils #mixedmedia #iamaprofessional #goodbusinesspractices #getpaid https://www.instagram.com/p/Chc4XsrOSPE/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

[prashidstudio11]

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A post shared by Princess Simpson Rashid (@prashidartist)

Layers and layers of love! #studiomagic #iamaprofessional #artentrepreneur #solopreneur #abstract #STEM #STEAM #affordableart #becomeacollector #investinme #availableforcommissions (at CoRK Arts District) https://www.instagram.com/p/BqsyFqugF6B/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=198f1wm3r19dq

[semhilton]

Signin dat degree #iamaprofessional #werq #bachelorofscience #biology #biologicalsciences #donedidit #straightAs #noofcoursenot #notanerd #suit #slayed #snatched (bij Vrije Universiteit Amsterdam) https://www.instagram.com/p/BqPvwchlUfq/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=wgp02fa807r

[thedirtbagdad]

My job is done: picked up this morning, single-handedly loaded on top of vehicle, secured with a single bungee cord, home, unloaded single-handedly, chainsawed a fresh cut, placed in stand, made sure all was plumb, untied twine, shook out needles, trimmed lower branches, brought inside. All in about 20 minutes. The rest of the gang can finish the trimming parts. My job is done. #iamaprofessional #stillresponsibleforhangingexternallights #thatisforanotherday https://www.instagram.com/p/B5zQv4wj2als3bOxcz0xnM_tZD4usoiq8BNqlI0/?igshid=2cqbguzjs855

[zenlanda]

#dreamjob #iamaprofessional #meme (at Zen Den) https://www.instagram.com/p/B2kbt5IltaW/?igshid=1tocakwbb7nnb

[cborders26]

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A post shared by Hilltop Homestead (@hilltophs)

#EveryDayFit Don't try this at home boys & girls. #hspufail #iamaprofessional #not Don't drink & HSPU. #BAD on vacation. #thatsgoingtoleaveamark

[semhilton]

Crazy lab day wearing UV protection #biosciences #biology #microbiology #sdspage #cuttingtheband #uvprotection #dna #ethidiumbromide #dontgetcancer #vu #research #iamaprofessional #werq

[hellomrstaylormoon]

Hey Everyone! I have a website for all my design and photography work check it out! mrstaylor.myportfolio.com 🖤👽🦄🌙🔮 #portfolio #graphicdesign #graphicdesigner #muskoka #canadian #freelancegraphicdesigner #portfoliowork #rainbowlove #green #goodvibes #makeupenthusiast #designerlife #designersofinstagram #iamaprofessional #lookatme #allgrownup #website #imontheinternet #checkmeout

[tuckerdempsfineart]

#IamAProfessional #iamanartist celebrating 25yrs as a professional artist. #Google #FineArtByTuckerDemps #Decorbytuckerdemps #JulieTuckerDemps Collected nationally for 25yrs. Collectors are welcome. Thank you for following my gift. (at Atlanta, Georgia) https://www.instagram.com/p/BvLzyk5AiFQ/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=fhl8xt4tfkzb

[retrobanks]

My Universe. It’s what I do. Making the World better one Vacation Home Reno at a time. #shotoniphonex #renovationphotography #renovation #cabin #vacationhome #itswhatido #siouxnarrows #longbay #contentappearingouttathe woodwork #iamaprofessional #bfftreauredcabin (at Sioux Narrows)

[groovygraphicsbymt]

Yes #itisathing #itworks #iamaprofessional

[spycamp]

thepenisblue by Alexander Erickson Via Flickr: I love You Thea the words keep connecting into sentences, we will have a great time together. Always, Alexander

Spies, we have an epic culture.  And I am going to be forcing you out into the community.  After Angelina & Alexander sweep for bugs.  Timing like this is crucial for social development.  I do not know what Angelina has keys to; Alexander has keys to three yachts with national security agency credentials for winning social circles of spies to travel planet earth.  Good Luck.

[liondrome]

Living for the housing keeping fantasy eleganza #iamaprofessional #icametowerk (at The North Door)