#id much rather u call me a slur at this point

[mueritos]

being in a social work masters program as a marginalized person who is ages ahead in theory and experience in comparison to your (white, privileged, rich) cohort is a fucking minefield. solidarity for all and every other marginalized person in these fucking micro aggressive and liberal ass social work programs.

[nose-bandaid]

stud.hui.o fanatic

hello!! i see that your requests are open so,,, could i request a non-romantic gender-neutral reader & hui scenario where the reader brings food to the studio late at night and convinces hui to eat and get some rest bc everyone is worried abt him? maybe with some platonic hand-holding.........? thank u so much 😖

Hui (Hwitaek) x (gender neutral) Reader - platonic fluff:D | 2.1k words

synopsis: late night phone calls weren’t uncommon when you’re lee hwitaek’s best friend, because more often than not, the man is sucked into the void known as his studio, and it’s your responsibility to drag him out of there.

a/n: hey there anon!! gosh when i say that i loved this prompt i really do mean it, so i hope that you enjoy this fic and that it’s what you were looking for:) apologies for the multitude of italicized words they just felt necessary.

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Your phone had to buzz endlessly for a second time to bring you to your senses. It was far too early in the morning for a phone call, and typically, you would’ve just ignored it and gone back to bed. But when you read the caller ID, you begrudgingly hit the answer button.

“Wooseok?” His name came out slurred as you tried to rub the sleep out of your eyes. “What’s up? Everything okay?”

“Hi y/n, sorry to call you at this time, but Hui’s been in the studio literally all day, plus for like, half of yesterday, and we can’t get him to go home and rest. Practice ended like an hour ago, but he’s still in there.” His reply came out in a tired rush, and his voice was hushed as if he was trying to hide from someone. That someone probably being Hwitaek himself.

You caught onto what Wooseok was asking of you. This wasn’t the first time you had to drag him out of the studio. Being his best friend had many perks, way more perks that outweighed the few downsides that came along with it, and one of them was that you now carried the responsibility of kicking some sense into his overworking butt when he fell into this overloaded phase.

“I’ll be there in 20 minutes.” You answered without asking for any more details and bid your brief goodbyes before hanging up. Then, you got changed into some comfier clothes to match the chillier weather outside and grabbed your car keys.

It was late, and the only restaurant still open on your way to the studio was a small shop next to a karaoke bar, and you stopped by to pick up some fried rice. It wasn’t the most exciting meal out there, but for a 2am dinner run — or rather, breakfast-lunch-dinner run, if you were Hwitaek — it seemed pretty fitting.

When you arrived at the building and made your way to the studio floor, you saw the tall boy sitting on one of the benches in the hallways. He was hunched over, scrolling mindlessly on his phone and you could tell he was trying his hardest to stay awake for his leader’s sake.

You said a soft greeting as you approached him and he sent you a smile before letting a worried expression wash over him again. The door to the studio slightly ajar and Wooseok gestured for you to take a peek into the small gap, placing a warm hand on your back as he stood behind you.

“Just look at him.” He whispered, and you stared at your best friend working away on his computer, seemingly without any breaks to even think about what to do next. He simply clicked a few times, played something, shook his head, and then repeated the process all over again.

You turned back to Wooseok and began ushering him away from the door. “I’ll take care of this. I’m also guessing he hasn’t eaten much—” He nodded in agreement when you said that. “—so I brought some food with me. Go home and get some rest, I know you’re tired, just tell the others that I’ll bring him home... eventually.” You smiled reassuringly, but had to add in that “eventually” because deep down, you knew how just stubborn Hwitaek could be, and getting him out of the studio was a hefty task. Add in the upcoming planned promotions, then you get an even more stubborn version of him to work with — one that doesn’t understand the boundaries between work and self care.

Wooseok nodded slowly and your heart melted at the exhausted expression on his face. They’ve all been working so hard recently, heck, their packed schedules were a constant these days, and you could sense that it was taking a toll on them. Though no matter how tired they were, they always made sure to look out for each other, and you wanted to do your best to help ease at least some of the stress off the group. With a little more convincing, you finally got Wooseok to leave, giving him a hug before he did, and then you turned towards the task at hand. Even though the door was already opened, you knocked once to grab Hwitaek’s attention.

No answer.

You knocked again, this time calling out his name a couple times.

When he still didn’t answer, you gently opened the door all the way and let out a sigh when you fully took in his appearance.

“Hey, Hui.”

Still no answer.

You walked closer to him and leaned over to get a better look at his face. His eyes looked like they were seconds away from slumber, and his head rested on his hand like a makeshift pillow. “Hui? Hwitaek? Hui? Pentagon of Leader? Huiiiiiii?”

You placed the takeout gently next to his keyboard and then slowly nudged it so that it touched his arms resting on the table. When he didn’t respond to that either  — and opted to mess around with the dynamics of the percussion in his composition instead — you stood straight up and let out a huff.

“Lee Hwitaek!” You called boldly and for the first time that day, he took notice of your presence.

“Oh, hey y/n. Could you check if this sounds okay?” He greeted you nonchalantly as if you hadn’t travelled all this way in the middle of the night to see him, and proceeded to play an excerpt of what he had splayed out on the screen. You stood there speechless until the music finished blasting from the speakers and then just stared at his expectant face.

“Hui you need to snap out of it! I know this comeback means a lot to you and you want to get the work done but you can’t do it like this.” You told him exasperatedly.

“What do you mean I can’t do it like this? I’ve always been doing it like this, and it works every time.” He defended, and he replayed the section for you to hear, but you still refused to pay attention to it.

“You do this every time only to have one of us literally drag you out of the studio! And then you face the consequences days later ‘cause your body’s exhausted, your mind’s exhausted — don’t you think you’ll work better if you were refreshed?” You moved his hand away from the mouse when he tried to go back to work and ignore you.

“I just have a little bit left to do and I’ll finish up soon, I promise.” He muttered. It was almost as if he was entranced by the idea of never ending work hours, and Lee Hwitaek was being sucked into the void of his monitor right before your eyes.

“I’ll finish it up soon, my ass. We’ve been best friends for what? 12 years now? I know you’re lying when you say that, and I know that you’ll be sick by the time you ‘finish’ this and then you’ll regret it later. It’s the same cycle over and over again and you need to stop, please I’m begging you, we’ve been through this so many times already.” You tried to calm yourself down. Getting frustrated over his stubbornness wasn’t going to do any good, if anything, it’ll only make the problem worse. He finally gave you his full attention when he noticed that you took a deep breath to collect yourself. Taking a deep breath has always been a sign that you meant business.

And yet he still replied to you blatantly. “If I don’t finish it up all at once, I’m going to forget about it later.”

You rubbed your forehead, trying to get rid of the annoyance that was building up within you. “And then you’re going to finish that part, only to think of another idea to work on right after that. Like I said, it’s a cycle and you need to realize that. Please, I’ll give you 30 minutes to finish what you’re doing and write your notes down, and then we’re going to take a walk, no matter what you say.”

He nodded at your firm tone and quietly got back to work after muttering a small “okay”. You spent the next 20 or so minutes watching him work, occasionally feeding him spoonfuls of the rice you brought, until he finally shut everything down and turned to you to scarf down what was left in the foam container. 

“I didn’t realize how hungry I was.” He pointed out the obvious when there was no rice left, and he stretched before getting up from his seat. You giggled when you heard his joints crack at the sudden movement.

“Geez, you really are getting old, huh? And that’s what happens when you get stuck in sitting in this chair for more than 24 hours.” You lightly smacked his head to get some sense into him. “You don’t take care of yourself and don’t realize that your body needs food.”

He rolled his eyes, giving in to your light scolding. “Okay, okay, you’re right.” 

“Sir, I am always right.”

-----

Not too long later, you were both taking a walk outside the building, entering the quiet night life of the city.

The winter air had a chill to it and you shivered a little, taking Hwitaek’s free hand into yours. He responded by squeezing it gently. 

Small physical affirmations like these have always got you through your friendships. As people who both relied on them as a source of comfort, it’s what allowed you to be as close as you were now. Though there were times where you’d have your disagreements — take the little argument you had earlier — holding hands especially, has always been what you used to remind yourselves that in the end, you still loved each other. That you were still best friends.

“I’m so proud of you, you know that?” You told him quietly.

He laughed. “What? Am I getting a pep talk now?”

Your cheeks heated at his words and you stopped walking, pulling him into a stop as well. “I’m being serious here!”

He gave you a teasing look. “I know you are, and I appreciate you always coming to take care of me. Even though I’m not in your shoes, I do know how stubborn I can get and how frustrating it must be for you guys to watch me make the same mistakes over and over again.” He let out a sigh and scratched the back of his head. “But some habits are hard to break, yeah?”

You let out a small hum in agreement. It was true, everyone had their own habits — some good, some bad — and while Hwitaek had a fair share of endearing habits, between you and the rest of the boys, his were also the most concerning. You’d all rather have him stay healthy than have him work his soul away on some songs that can ultimately, only do the group so much. And getting him to realize that was a challenge, but it was a challenge you were all willing to take.

Your walk didn’t have a set destination, and you crossed streets and changed directions on a whim, adding more thrill to your little adventure. At one point, you even stopped at one of the convenience stores still open so that he could buy himself a drink. Which ended up simply being a carton of milk after you insisted that no, coffee at 3 am is not going to help him rest at all. You allowed him to at least get chocolate milk though. And you spent your time talking about anything unrelated to his work, sharing stories that you’ve missed during your time apart.

The two of you pretended like it wasn’t the middle of the night and that you weren’t freezing in the cold because neither of you were responsible enough to have prepared layers for the weather. Because so what if it was pitch dark and the only sign of life were the lonely taxis that drove by? If the only sound joining the chirps of the crickets were your laughter and you couldn’t feel the tips of your ears anymore? Your best friend finally had the chance to rest and be himself once again, and you’d be there for him no matter what time of day it was. As long as you got to see his shoulders relax a little and his smile genuinely reach his eyes again. As long as you knew that he’d listen to you, as his best friend, and that he’d let you take care of him when you needed to. It didn’t matter how often that had to happen.

When you turned the corner back to the entrance of the entertainment building, you looked at Hwitaek and nodded your head towards the floors upon floors towering above. “You wanna go back to the studio and work for a little while longer to let me hear what you’ve got so far?”

Getting him to take a break was already a miracle, and as much as you wished he would at least spend the night resting, you felt bad for dragging him out like this. You understood that he probably worked best if he was allowed to follow his train of thoughts without disruption, as bad as that habit was.

Thinking that he would agree to your offer, you were already making your way towards the entrance. But to your surprise, he grabbed your wrist to stop you and instead gave you a relaxed smile.

“Nah.” He pulled you closer to him and slung an arm around your shoulder, leaning into it a little bit. His body was pleasantly warm against yours.

“Let’s just go home, work can wait.”

[vampireqrow-moved]

hey so I agree with a lot of the stuff in your post about the transphobia involved in the origin of the pansexual label, but I just have one question: what are the actual impacts of people with good intentions calling themselves pan? If you don't hate pansexuals and consider them bi, why type up a paragraphs long manifesto on the harms of the origin of the label if it means the same thing in the way that most non transphobic people (your audience) use it? a lot of identities can be used in transphobic ways (like bi and lesbian and anything really) and plenty of valid identities from problematic roots and evolve over time as people use them differently (queer, transsexual). so how is a person with good intentions using a not-perfect label in a way you don't like a threat to the community? if someone is using the label pan transphobically, wouldn't their bigotry exist independently? if pan people do not act in transphobic ways besides using the label pansexual, realistically what is changing if they call themselves bi beyond holier-than-thou aesthetic activism? plus, a blog on the internet isn't going to get everyone to stop identifying as pansexual, especially considering multiple prominent celebrities ID as pan. so why spend all that energy quibbling on semantics because some bi people use a slightly different word when you could be worrying about Literally anything else? just feels like you want to find something to argue about lol. extremely disappointed that I had to break a mutual

im going to respond to each thing you bring up chronologically- im not trying to nitpick or prioritize certain things you say ill just forget things if i go out of order and i dont want to miss something important. ALSO! i will be typing less formally (like keysmashes and shortening words n stuff) in this response than my og post bc its 1am as im starting to type this so im tired but i want to be clear that i am like. taking this seriously and im not like. mocking u in anyway if it could read that way?? i hope not but just in case anyways here it goes!

in terms of actual impact people with good intentions identifying as pan: honestly im not  sure the full scope of the impact this has, so ill only be speaking to what ive personally seen which might not be all. but like... id argue my younger self has good intentionals iding as pan. i wanted to support trans people, even if i didnt understand a lot of the nuance involved. as a result of this, i developed a sense of superiority over other bisexuals and a mentality that bisexuality was a primitive and lesser sexuality. that mentality is harmful, and although im not sure if it affected bisexuals around me (of which there are many most of my friends are bi ajfjfjf) its still a harmful mentality and can easily hurt people even if i specifically didnt. also using it even with good intentions, which i know many people have, still spreads and further normalizes a label that imo can not be separated from its transphobic origins. this effect is not as extreme as other forms of transphobia and biphobia by A LONG SHOT. the bi community faces a lot of other issues but that doesnt mean this one isnt worth addressing if that makes sense?

if i dont hate pansexuals: ik this is part of a larger point which i will adress but i specified this in my post bc i see a lot of other posts that are negative towards pansexuality have "i hate pan ppl" somewhere in it or a close equivalent. i do not shame these ppl for their anger, i just wanted to be clear i think a lot of pan ppl are bi ppl with good intentions choosing a label they dont fully understand based on a misunderstanding of bisexuality.

why write a paragraphs long manifesto on the harms of pansexuals origin: ok 😭😭 the real reason here is that im literally just bad at summarizing. like thats literally it. i also like talking, its a bad combination. plus ive been thinking abt this for like. over a year im not even kidding and just like i have a lot of thoughts and figured if i was going to bother making my own post instead of rbing someone elses that i might as well get everything i wanted to say off my chest. ALSO BTW i literally got an ask like a week ago that was several paragraphs long asking me to explain my thoughts on why pan was harmful and some other stuff so like. this is partially responding to that and partially just me wanting to air my grievances ? idk if thats the right expression 😔😔

why write the post if my audience of people who identify as pan arent doing it in a transphobic way ? again sorry i didnt really understand the phrasing so i hope this is a vaguely correct summary!! um but like... again imo i think pan cant be separated from its transphobia and like. again imo iding as pan is like. a transphobic action/choice? obviously one transphobic thing does mean someone necessarily is like officially a Transphobe (it CAN be depending on the action but i dont think that applies here) but that doesnt mean there arent problems with what they did. this is like very complicated, but like. someone doing something harmful without the knowlege that its harmful doesnt make that person a bigot by any means it just means they didnt know. and i feel thats the case here? a lot of ppl (myself included until recently) know next to nothing abt pansexualitys origins so a trans inclusve sexuality might seem like a safe and good bet just because they dont know too much abt it, and like? i cant hate those people cause that was me for 5+ years and djgjfjdj you just dont know what you dont know!

basically i think iding with a transphobic label is inherently a singular transphobic action that doesnt make the person transphobic by itself, but is still a transphobic instance.

a lot of identities can be used in transphobic ways like bi, lesbian, etc.: this is true and a point i attempted to make on my original post, but i might not have clear enough. my issue with pan is specifically that it is a transphobic response to a preexisting identity. lesbian isnt an attempted trans inclusive indentity that replaced an identity that already existed (which have many trans ppl identifying with the og label). transphobes can use whatever labels they want, but transphobes using a label vs a label having a transphobic origin is very different. bigots use inclusive and supporting language for their bigotry all the time but language that originated with that bigotry is worse.

many valid identities stem from problemstic origins (like transsexual and queer) but the words evolve: ok my paraphrasing is a little weird there. anyways. the thing here is that. those are slurs. reclaimed slurs that can be empowering to many people, yes, but slurs nonetheless. reclaiming a slur is taking a harmful word and wearing it as a badge of pride. first off, pansexual is not a slur (ur not implying that in anyway just. saying) and it isnt being reclaimed when people dont treat it as having harmful origins. transsexual is the way some people identify but ppl acknowlege its a slur and originates from transphobia. ppl love to act like queer isnt a slur, which is an issue in and of itself, but just. factually it has historically and is currently being used against ppl with the intent to hurt them. pansexual isnt on the same level as these and other words like the f slur, d slur, etc. pansexual originates from trans and biphobia WITHIN the community and not outside of it, and most pansexuals dont see themselves as reclaiming the title because they dont think anythings wrong with it in the first place. and reclaiming it just seems unnecessary considering its history? theres no empowerment from using pan as a label as opposed to queer or transsexual, and it just divides the bisexual community for no reason.

how is a person using a not-perfect label a threat to the community? ok i dont think its a threat but still an issue if that difference makes sense? id like to reiterate a few things ive said before, but for me personally, it made me look down on bisexuals and see them as lesser, and it made people around me see pan as the "trans inclusive" sexuality as opposed to bisexuality, and basically its usage just leads to further biphobia. is this the worst of biphobia? no!!! but its still biphobia and why not attempt to target and minimize that? i have no way to singlehandedly stop biphobia, but my post might get through to my friends who id as pan and that small thing is better than nothing.

if someone used the pan label in a transphobic way, wouldnt that bigotry be different from people using it not transphobically?: someone claiming all bi ppl are transphobic and only pan is the acceptable label is obviously a lot worse than someone iding as pan and saying bi/pan solidarity but again, the second isnt not an issue because the first one is a bigger issue, its just a smaller issue in comparison. i wouldnt say the bigotry is different, one is just worse than the other, but it still has the same problems.

if pan people dont do anything transphobic other than id as pan then what changes with iding as bi over pan other holier-than-thou activism: its just one less person using a transphobic label? which isnt that big but it might lead to their friends stopping iding as pan and cause fewer people around them to see bi as a transphobic identity. which is small scale stuff, i wont try to blow it out of proportion, but thats still a step in the right direction and hopefully more people follow with it. its not terribly huge or lifechanging but something small that may only affect the people close to you is still something rather than nothing.

a blog the internet isnt going to get people to stop iding as pan: oh absolutely not. honestly i expected to get unfollowed/blocked more than change peoples minds regarding the pan label (im surprised i only lost two followers so far honestly) but again, someone literally asked me to do this and i wanted to be clear on my stance on the label, since in the past ive been supportive of it. im not expecting the post to get more than five likes, its more directed to my followers rather than the internet as a whole. im not expecting a large impact, im hoping to change the minds of my followers and friends who id as and support the pan label. thats it. if something bigger comes from it- great! but thats not what im aiming to do.

prev point + many prominent celebrities id as pan: the first name that comes to mind is someone im not a fan of for separate reasons but thats irrelevant. i mean im repeating myself a bit but some celebrities in the past validated and made me feel excited abt my identity as a pan person when they came out, and it justified the label to me, even when i had doubts. i have never interacted with a celebrity and do not plan to change their minds abt their identity. again, my post was for my friends and followers and maybe who ever was scrolling through the biphobia tag and decided to read my post.

why spend that much energy worrying abt the pan label instead of something else: ive spent waaaaay more energy thinking abt a singular meme i didnt like regarding my favourite rwby character so like. maybe i just overreact to things lol. maybe i have a lot of energy and since i cant talk my friends ears off abt my favourite fruits or the different voting methods i learned in my math class or what would dreams taste like, then i gotta put my energy into something. idk. i have a lot of energy and honestly? this didnt take that much. but i felt it weighing on me as my friends talked positively abt the pan label, when i felt guilty for the superiority i felt over my bi friends INCLUDING my best friend and favourite person in the world so like. i spent enough energy worrying abt it, and like. in hindsight since its been over 12 hours since posting it, im thinking abt it less. i was more worried abt feeling dishonest with my friends than actually worrying abt pansexuality, but i figured i owed them an explanation for why my feelings around it had changed.

just feels like you want to find something to argue about: okay i DO love arguing but im not pulling this out of my ass for fun. its in response to posts ive seen on my dash, asks i recieved abt pansexuality, and my way of letting people know my views have changed and why since i know at least some people are curious.

i am sorry to lose a mutual as well, and i genuinely hope things go well for you, but uh yeah thats that.

again, if people have further questions im willing to answer them i just might take a while bc i have school and other stuff 2 do but uhhh yea sorry if im clogging ur dash sjfjfkkf