#idc if i sound annoying im autistic

[rubyprototype]

Do you guys know how much it hurts to not explain Infinite's backstory anytime anybody talks about it.

No he did not leave his squad for power. No his squad did not abandon him??

Eggman says they were ANNIHILATED. WHAT ELSE COULD THAT MEAN DUDE.

"Annihilated" as in. Utterly destroyed. Wiped out. Obliterated.

Genuinely think it's unfair to view it as anything other than them dying.

[abey-baby-apologist]

clone high final episode spoilers below! (9 n 10)

holy fuck im so happy. even though im super annoyed how they keep throwing a bunch of really good ideas for relationships and plot in the trash- im just so happy with what we got. 

OK FIRST EPISODE 9??? THE ANIMATION WAS SO FUCKING GOOD AND I HAD TO PAUSE BECAUSE WHEN WESLEY WAS FLAILING IN THE SEA, IT WAS DAMN smooth and pleasant to watch, as morbid as it sounds lol. that whole scene with the comic-esque vibe was so so pleasing. 

and that whole episode was super like, sad but funny. i literally stood up and yelled when Mr. B was getting near the edge. like i probably woke up every single one of my neighbors in like.. a 50 mile radius it was that bad im so fucking annoying about this show. 

BUT THEN SCUDS SAVED HIM AND I WAS SO HAPPY, LIKE THEYRE LITERALLY AN OLD COUPLE, AND LITERALLY THEY’RE FATHERS TO THEIR CLONE KIDS AND THEYRE ALL SUCH A BIG HAPPY FAMILY AND AUGHHHH im gonna draw family stuff with them so bad. I WISH THESE EPISODES CAME OUT BEFORE FATHERS DAY IT WOULD’VE BEEN PERFECT. 

ok, episode 10 i have to take a deep breath with. i am VERY happy. and idk if it was because the bar was so low, or if it was because i was so anxious i was vomiting everywhere because i needed content so bad, but i am overjoyed. 

THE ABETOPH CONTENT WE GOT WAS SO GOOD. WE HAVE LIKE... 3 NEW CUTE PHOTOS OF THEM HANGING OUT, AND LIKE A BUNCH OF MOMENTS OF ABE CARRYING TOPHER ON HIS BACK. was it because he was being tophers lackey? fine, sure, whatever. BUT AFTER THAT WHEN JFK BROKE TOPHERS PHONE IT WAS OVER (im upset it wasnt developed on further because people who didnt watch it in real time like us will surely be fine. so fuck you.) 

Also, ABE AND JFKS FREINDSHIP HOLUYDBIUJEWNFJKNF oh my god not to be autistic but i was stimming so fucking hard WHEN THEY HUGGED, I WAS LIKE YES FINALLY. FINALLLLLYYY!!! theyre my sweet boys and THAT WHOLE FRIEND GROUP HAS ME IN TEARS. LIKE abe and Confucius are already bros, as we see them playing in the school yard, and JFK and Confucius are already bros from the sleepover episode, but NOW JFK AND ABE ARE BROS. FUCK. YEAH. oh and tophers there too. i like how they treat topher tbh. like hes just there until he says something out of pocket and they’re just like stfu. 

but with the girls friend group.. oof. i honestly loved them so much, especially with cleo, but NOW ITS FUCKED. and its not even joans fault tbh. like when i was watching the scene where frida dropped joan i was like “damn” but then, JOAN MENTIONS HOW SHE HELPED EVERYONE BEFORE AND I WAS LIKE “DAYYYYYYUUMMMM UR RIGHT” so now im conflicted. But again like??? bruh i would choose cleo too tbh lmao.

Also, i’m glad clone college isn’t real. because jfk mentions about taking shelly to .. biology? which i think is a only 1st year class. and in the original clone high everyone is like “omg u hit puberty over summer” Which i feel is typically something thats potrayed in media AFTER middle school. but i could be wrong so, idk. just really glad they didn’t do the clone college bc i hate change. also theyre 16 lmao. OR MAYBE THEY WERE JUST TALKING ABOUT... in the future when highschools done?? IDK. IDC.

anyway. im scared for joans friend group and i fucking love joan, and i am in love with abe, toph, jfk, and Confucius’s little bromances and augh. im so happy. and THE CLIFF HANGER WASN’T TERRIBLE ALSO, IN MY OPNINON. 

im just glad joanabe wasn’t endgame. i mean, i would be pretty happy because im a sucker for childhood friends to lovers but also NOOOOOO joan deserves better. so. yeah 10/10 

if you read this far, holy crap, im proud of you, and ily 

that is my review on the finale so i’ll be making so much content now that im not on the brink of collapsing everytime i think of clone high. like trust me im gonna try and stretch out this fixation for as long as i can. though im probably gonna draw a surplus of abe and jfk art bc they were my fav in 2020

[student-film-lying-piece-of-shit]

"i have a system friend!" okay. replace system with autistic. replace it with trans. black. disabled. whatever the fuck other marginalized group. you sound like a dick still. youre using your friend as a strawman and a scapegoat and you do not fucking speak for us. if you start your statememt talking about how much it "hurts to see your system friend struggle" im fucking killing you. shut up. shut the fuck up and stay out of our lives and discourse. i mean this with every fiber in my being. be mad. idc.

ive delt with years of stigma and bullshit and being seen as a monster and a liar and its annoying. even with small things. i post whole fucking essays on here but as soon as a singlet posts one thing y'all flock to it. fuck off. im so tired

[chicohungers24-7]

Major vent idc if you read this or not this is just a warning

I'm not committing suicide I swear but I want to die so so so bad.

My life seems so fucking easy on the outside but then I think about it and I just want it to end so bad

Living in America as a black afab trans teenager (shout out to the state of Florida being a shithole) is legitimately the worst thing in my life. I don't feel safe walking in my own neighborhood (partially contributed to the frequently lose dogs but I'm so scared I'm gonna die or be kidnapped or murdered I'm so paranoid)

I have zero irl friends and I literally moved here almost a year ago. It's almost the end of the school year and I've found no one. I'm so lonely.

I'm not even really suicidal. I don't have the courage to s/h or to make a plan or anything I'm just trapped in my stupid head thinking about death and not being able to do anything about it. I've been depressed for five years that's a third of my life there's literally nothing left there for me Im going to be fucked up forever

Only my dad is with me rn (mom is deployed :)))) and I don't feel safe talking about my feelings to him. He just retired and still refuses to get therapy about his ptsd (I'm so hypocritical LOL) and so all his reactivity issues are pushed onto me (and my poor dog. I can't die now. Not while she's alive I couldn't leave her with him)

Speaking of retiring and deploying lol being a military brat (hate that term) is SO traumatizing everyone is like oh you're so resilient and patriotic lol no I never want to fight for this stupid fucking country it ruined my life and my parents and the only "good" thing out of this is the stupid g.i. Bill and idk if I'll even make it to college. It's given me so much anxiety and depression and trauma istg I hate the military I never want to join I feel so violent when I see the stupid recruiters at my school. Also I might be autistic?? A lot of the anecdotes my mom tells me of when I was a child + stuff I know now might point towards it (not necessarily a bad thing but it just makes me more paranoid about cops killing me 😳)

God the paranoia is awful. I hate walking to school in the dark. I have to always check if my garage is closed cuz when im home alone (which is often thanks dad) he likes to drive out and forget to close it. But also if I lock the door to the garage he bangs on it super loud and it scares some nights I check that shit like five times over. Or like the weird metal bar that prevents the door from opening to the backyard. He told me some really graphic shit one time I left it open and now I check that all the time too. He's really graphic for some reason actually lol he told me was was gonna kill me when I was like. 11. And he says he always has a plan to kill people. Gee I wonder why I flinch.

I'm writing this all in one go it's like 2230 LMFAO I've made it a habit of staying up all night looking at triggering content until my phone starts to die and then I go to sleep past midnight.

Kinda stupid ngl. It just adds to the depression. Staying up late. Waking up early. Not wanting to get out of bed. I hate my stupid school and my racist classmates

I was a gifted child once lol. I miss it. Kinda ruined my school life though. I'm still smart too I just CAN'T do school. It'd be so much easier if I had friends but I'm so scared of rejection literally the only reason I had friends through 6-9th grade (freshman year kinda killed that friendship though) is cuz the kids at my bus literally chased me to say hi I honestly sound so pathetic right now omg I'm so scared I annoy everyone even though I hardly interact with people and even the people I interact with I'm scared will leave me. It's so funny that I'm scared of abandonment when I'm the kid that was moving. I abandoned people. I think freshman year changed that. I had stayed virtual for the first quarter. The friend in my grade had met new people cuz she went brick in mortar. My other friend was a grade higher and always had other friends

I just want the normal childhood of having childhood friends and knowing everyone at school but I don't and I'm a stupid lonely loser with no one. No one knows me. My teachers can't tell something is wrong because the entire time they've known me I've been depressed I guess they just think I'm a loser

I just want friends so bad. I want to hangout with people after school that actually enjoy my company. I was in a d&d club for someone's research project and they were all friends and I was just the odd duck and I looked so stupid I'm front of them why did I do that that was the dumbest decesion ever

I wish I had the courage to commit suicide. Or try. Or do fucking anything other than cry at night (which is a new development! Second night in a row. Better than just being a husk ig)

A year ago I actually went to a doctor about depression (well more for adhd but I didn't have it and he just focused on my depression) and I got DIAGNOSED and he was like therapy (didn't work) and SSRIs could work :) and then my dad was like no. No medication. Thanks dad. I want to die. And I'm stuck with you in this stupid state

I just want courage. To get help. Or to die. Idc which. Looking at depressing shit isn't helping I'm such an idiot I just need someone to help me please I want someone to notice. Someone that can help please but no I'm venting on Tumblr dot com where no one knows me I so obviously don't want to die I just want pain to end but it won't because I'm too much of a coward to help myself. I literally walk through the hallways just thinking about dying. I wanted covid to kill me. I wanted the shot to kill me. Why can't I do it myself what's wrong with me I can't even be suicidal correctly I feel like a meme saying I just want to be happy

I'm posting this just so I can let it out. I'm sorry if it triggers anyone. I'll tag it the best I can