#idk I think everyone should spend some time around babies (most future members of some undesierable class or another)

[runawaymarbles]

at this point i am simply uninterested in any opinion on a hot-button political topic that treats human beings as a mass of meaningless hypotheticals

[severalspoons]

Liveblog: Rewatching Trigun, Episode 17, Part 1

Episode 17 frustrates me immensely. All the most important facts are stated clearly. But a lot of the meaning and implications are at best found in brief hints. And while there’s a lot of symbolism, discussed in an interesting way here, it’s not enough to explain why Knives decided it was right to kill everyone except themselves and perhaps Rem. I would even argue, that’s never explained.

Get ready for a long post, because I’m going to overthink everything.

-- “I think that planet is going to be our new home!”

-- Rem is excited to create their new home, the Captain has a scientific bent, and Steve is a drunk, sexually harrassing pig. There is also a lady whose name I didn’t catch who seems to exist to be harrassed by Steve in the anime. Edit: There is also a lady named Mary who doesn’t seem to have any purpose until later.

-- Who does make the decision where they’ll land? Especially if almost everyone on the fleet except a small skeleton crew is in cold sleep.

-- Why are the twins in a separate room from the crew?

-- Knives is quietly watching the screen. Vash is wearing a party hat and a fake mustache and generally messing around. Wonder how well he understands what’s going on?

-- “Are there flowers on this planet?” Rem, you’re literally all seeing this planet for the first time and all the readings are about large-scale things like atmosphere and habitability. How would anyone know?

-- Also, is it just me or is Rem’s voice just high pitched enough to be really annoying? (Sorry). Also...is she drunk?

-- Rem, suppose there are no red flowers. Would that be a dealbreaker for you? 

-- “Why don’t they wake up?” Wait. Does Vash seriously not know what cold sleep is and that these people are in cold sleep???

-- “It’s so quiet. There’s only 7 people.” I get it, it’s a big ship to be occupied by so few people, but let’s just say I’m not surprised how much time he spends in crowded bars years later.

-- Vash doesn’t know what’s written on the outside of the ship? I’d think if there were no windows from which he could view the writing, there’d be information in the ship’s computers. Does he just sit around waiting to be told about the world? 

-- “If there’s a God...He must be laughing right now. Our pitiful struggle for immortality must seem like an impossible quest to Him.. “the desperate human will to survive, to carry on our species.” Even Rem, the dreamer, calls the whole thing “pitiful” and “impossible.” No wonder Knives comes to see it that way.

Rem is agnostic?

-- “We’re the caretakers...it’s our job to let them sleep in peace.” “is there anything we can do to help you?” Aww. <3 

Um, she did say “our” job, Vash. That includes you. Or is this how he communicates he doesn’t see himself as part of the crew, but would still like to help? Honestly, if it was typical how they kept him and Knives in a separate room even when celebrating the discovery of a potential new home, I can see why.

-- “Oh, THAT’s where you are.” Knives sounds like he got bored with the area and moved on a long time ago. His voice sounds harsher than Vash’s from the beginning.

-- The conversation between Knives and Rem in the rec room is weird. Like Knives is judging Rem, or Rem at least feels that way. “You really like that song.” Kids would normally ask a question, like “why do you sing that song so much?” or “what is that song?” 

“It pops into my head whenever I feel happy. Do you think it’s strange?” Who asks their 8 year old adopted kid if they think your everyday habits are strange? 

“No, it’s a nice song,” which is a judgment even though it’s a positive one.

After hearing Knives’ voice sound like that it’s weird to see his cute wide eyes. The crew member behind him looks uncomfortable.

-- “It’s weird. Nothing moved since we’ve been here, but everything seems different for some reason.” “That’s because it’s alive!” That’s actually a profound point about the difference between something made, like a computer, and something that grows, like a person. You always know what a program is going to do because you wrote it that way, and your furniture is always going to stay in the same place unless someone moves it. But a flower or an insect or a person is constantly changing, and you can’t always predict how.

-- “Hmm?” That doesn’t make intuitive sense to Knives, I guess. Vash is smiling behind Rem. IDK if that’s because it makes sense to him, or because he just enjoys listening to what Rem says.

-- “It has its own rhythm. You can actually feel the living heartbeat of the plants.” I think Knives is thinking of a different kind of plant than you are, Rem.

-- “So this is the world you and the crew keep talking about.”

-- “We’re not just going to see it, we’re going to create it.” Vash and Knives seem to agree on that. They just will end up with very different ideas of what that Eden looks like. :(

-- “There will be nothing but peaceful days,” “with no war,” “and no stealing,” “an Eden where people can live in freedom and harmony, right?” (That’s got to be Vash at the end, asking for confirmation or approval). 

Aww, those sweet little babies and their impossible dream, finishing each other’s sentences! I am crying all the tears right now.

Although, even Vash isn’t as naive as you’d think from how he talks. They know what war and stealing are. They know that freedom and harmony aren’t guaranteed. They’ve probably studied at least some of Earth’s history.

-- Here we are at the moment of no return! In the briefing room, Rem, the Captain, and the twins are sitting around a table looking at a hologram of Earth. Vash and Knives are told that Project SEEDS started because “the state of our home, Earth, was so desperate that...mankind could no longer survive there.” 

-- “Judging from the data, mankind is responsible for damaging the planet,” Knives says. “Right, Captain?” He’s being objective, he’s looking at the data, he’s asking the Captain rather than Rem for help. But I bet he’s hoping it isn’t true.

-- Why SEEDS? Rem: “the need to survive.” Seems morally neutral enough. 

The Captain: “the behavior of clinging to life until the verge of death is intrinsic to all organisms. Survival instincts take over, dismissing shame in order to live.” The Captain seems to be ashamed not only of humans destroying the Earth, but of their trying to survive. Knives seems to get that message loud and clear.

What Vash seemed to pick up is the idea that people should be ashamed of what they do to survive, and maybe that it’s right to hang onto that as much as you can while still living. Maybe that’s what the scars are for?

-- “But is it right to live if it means such sacrifices?” That’s...a cold way of putting it, Knives. 

-- “We make the smallest sacrifice we can think of at the time.” 

One could say Knives picked up this idea, but I don’t think so. He’s going to make some pretty big “sacrifices,” and I don’t think he tries to keep them small for very long.

-- Two different (and actually compatible) answers to Knives’ question: 

“Unlike other organisms on this planet, we possess logic, the knowledge to minimize the sacrifice.”

“Also, as human beings, we have the ability to right our wrongs. Hopefully we can learn from our mistakes and start over again in a new home.” Hopefully. Even Rem knows there’s no guarantee.

-- After the meeting, the Captain realizes (surprisingly, before Rem does), that it didn’t go well. He believes he doesn’t know how to be an educator and he’s not cut out to be a father. He downplays his knowledge of computers and reasoning, and says what really matters is what Rem does: teach them about emotions, being kind to others, and the value of the future.

Rem, in turn, says she has no idea how to raise kids either, and what she does is no big deal, she just plays with them. 

“I guess we just have a different way of looking at things,” the Captain says. And they continue respecting each other’s perspective and working together peacefully.

It’s too bad Vash and Knives weren’t present to see them model getting along with different strengths and beliefs (although they must have seen other examples). This is what the twins should have become.

***

Oh look, it’s the dichotomy between Thinking + STEM (modeled by the Captain, emulated by Knives) and Feeling + Social Intelligence (modeled by Rem, followed by Vash). This is one of my least favorite tropes. When I was a kid, I overthought like Knives while wearing my heart on my sleeve like Vash, and if this blog is any indication, not much has changed.

Humans were never going to be sufficient intellectual role models for the plant kids, so I understand why Rem and the Captain focused on their social and emotional development. But they, especially Knives, needed someone to listen to their thoughts and worries and take them seriously. Vash needed someone to model the process of looking for answers, instead of just waiting for someone to tell him what he wanted to hear. Knives needed someone to help him deal with the more disturbing implications of what he learned. The Captain sold himself short here. He could have done a good job with this. 

Rem’s style was to talk about feelings and memories, and to talk as little as possible about unpleasant truths, like the reason for the SEEDS mission. She waited to talk to Vash about it until he asked, and even then her answers were incomplete and...oversimplified, to say the least. That worked for her and Vash. Knives, however, seemed to want to understand things for himself. He didn’t just need what he would’ve seen as empty words of reassurance. He needed someone to engage with what he knew. 

I think Rem missed his attempts to talk about what was bothering him, because they were couched in factual rather than feeling terms. He talked about the thoughts that made him feel the way he did, not directly about the feelings themselves. For example, when he asked about humans destroying the Earth, he was horrified and seriously wondering what good humans were. The Captain addressed these implications, and realized the conversation did not go well. Rem just shared her beliefs. 

Neither of them helped him feel secure or loved. Neither of them helped him deal with his feelings about not being human, his horror that humans had destroyed Earth, and his fears that they might do the same with their new home. I don’t know if either of them knew much of what was on his mind. I think Knives spent a lot of time stewing alone. He already had the angry voice of a future villain, and neither empathetic Rem nor his own twin seemed to notice. For that matter, no one seemed to know that Steve was bullying him, or at least no one was doing anything about it. Does that seem strange to anyone else?

Knives chose to become a genocidal maniac. This is the context in which he made his choices.

Instead of a single person getting split into Thinking and Feeling sides, the siblings were split into a Feeling Twin and a Thinking Twin, to the detriment of both. As they chose different beliefs, role models, and ways of life, they continued farther and farther along these polarized tracks their elders set for them.

Yet, IMO, Rem and the Captain were both right. Rem was right about good and evil, how to hope, and what to live for. The captain was right about how to make decisions in an imperfect world, and the need to accept unpleasant truths.

One thing I appreciate about the anime ending is Vash and Knives have an opportunity come to some sort of compromise, or at least a working balance. I actually like that it’s left to us to imagine how. 

***

Hypothesis: In the Myers-Briggs system, Vash = ENFP and Knives = INTJ. What do you think?

#I could easily be wrong with Knives 

#intj is the one n type I don’t know much about

[likeabulletyoucanhurtme]

1. Would you have sex with the last person you text messaged? No, I'm not gay. But also, I don't think his wife would be too impressed either. itsmeetingthemanofmydreamsandthenmeetinghisbeautifulwife 2. You talked to an ex today, correct? Wrong! 3. Have you taken someones virginity? Nope. 4. Is trust a big issue for you? Romantically, it will be now. donttrustahoeneveratrustahoewonttrustahoe 5. Did you hang out with the person you like recently? I haven't hung around with anyone recently 6. What are you excited for? Concerts coming back after the rona thisshitwillfuckyouup 7. What happened tonight? Scotland drew with england and now I'm drinking and watching Bob Ross painting because it taped as a suggestion and all your memes make it sound interesting. throwawayyourtelevisiontakethenooseofyourambition 8. Do you think it’s disgusting when girls get really wasted? No, that seems a very sexist comment. Girls have every right to get as wasted as they want. I myself have been horribly wasted before and don't judge others for it. causeimprettyfuckingwastedidrunksogoddamnmuchthaticantfeelmyfaceyeah 9. Is confidence cute? As long as it's warranted. 10. What is the last beverage you had? Lidl Cola imnotbyyoursideimnottakingtimeyoudeserveeverythingyouvegot 11. How many people of the opposite sex do you fully trust? 8 (six of those are family members tho) 12. Do you own a pair of skinny jeans? Never have and never will. 13. What are you gonna do Saturday night? Watch more TV. Or the next film on my list. Or play GTA3. saturdaynightifeeltheairisgettinghotlikeyoubaby 14. What are you going to spend money on next? Chocolate 15. Are you going out with the last person you kissed? Not anymore :) sokissmehardcausethisllbethelasttimethatiletyou 16. Do you think you’ll change in the next 3 months? I highly doubt it andillbethiswayforever 17. Who do you feel most comfortable talking to about anything Depends about what. I can talk to my mum about most things, but not all obviously 18. The last time you felt broken? December causeimbrokenwhenimlonesomeandidontfeellikeiamstrongenough 19. Have you had sex today? Nope 20. Are you starting to realize anything? Nah, I realized it all quite a while ago. 21. Are you in a good mood? Kinda? I'm not in a bad mood. I was in a good mood yesterday an.. Nah. Fuck it. Yes, I am in a good mood. (I realise I could've just put yes but I thought it was important to note the point where I fought against West Of Scotland stoicism and decided to acknowledge some positivity). 22. Would you ever want to swim with sharks? Nah. And they should be left alone and not dragged about for our pleasure. iftheseawaswarmwouldsharksbemorefriendly 23. Are your eyes the same color as your dad’s? Yeah 24. What do you want right this second? A large amount of money, or chocolate. 25. What would you say if the person you love/like kissed another girl/boy? I'm not currently liking anyone right now so meh. 26. Is your current hair color your natural hair color? Yeah. Including the grey. Might dye it at some point soon for shits and giggles. imstartingtothinkthisisntititisntallitscrackeduptobe 27. Would you be able to date someone who doesn’t make you laugh? I've done that twice. It obviously didn't work out. Maybe I should try? 28. What was the last thing that made you laugh? A meme on facebook asking if the earth was round, why the bottom of your shoes are flat instead of curved. It had a picture of a curved shoe. It's more of a visual joke. 29. Do you really, truly miss someone right now? Not really. I miss the closeness I had with some people, but I've come to terms with it. 30. Does everyone deserve a second chance? idk. I give people more chances than they deserve and I probably shouldn't. 31. Honestly, do you hate the last boy you were talking to? Nope. I try not to talk to people I hate. 32. Does the person you have feelings for right now, know you do? I don't even know I have feelings for them, so I doubt they know. 33. Are you one of those people who never drinks soda? Quite obviously

not. 34. Listening to? Transplant. It's a medical drama that taped on TV five months ago. 35. Do you ever write in pencil anymore? I don't have a pencil. I rarely write in pen anymore. 36. Do you know where the last person you kissed is? Nope. And I don't want to. 37. Do you believe in love at first sight? No. That's lust. Love takes time. 38. Who did you last call? Voicemail, and before that my mum. telephonelinesawaydeathontheendandimscreaming 39. Who was the last person you danced with? The last time I danced I did 5,6,7,8 by myself in the middle of a bar in Glasgow because it was on the jukebox. I called them all miserable bastards for not joining in 40. Why did you kiss the last person you kissed? Because I was in a relationship with them at the time and I felt like it. 41. When was the last time you ate a cupcake? 10th of June. 42. Did you hug/kiss one of your parents today? I haven't seen them for four days 43. Ever embarrass yourself in front of a crush? Consistently. My memory doesn't plague me with these instances while I'm trying to sleep though, I just have a vague general feeling that I'm an embarrassment. 44. Do you tan in the nude? I avoid sunbathing and tanning. 45. If you could, would you take back your last kiss? Yeah. I mean I enjoyed it at the time, but she's now my ex so she didn't deserve it. 46. Did you talk to someone until you fell asleep last night? Nope. 47. Who was the last person to call you? An employment agency. 48. Do you sing in the shower? No. I think of conversations I will never have or the story that I've got writers block with. 49. Do you dance in the car? No. I look out the window and watch the scenery 50. Ever used a bow and arrow? Nope. 51. Last time you got a portrait taken by a photographer? Maybe when I was a baby imnotapictureperfectportraitbutiamworkingonit 52. Do you think musicals are cheesy? Yes. Because they are. Apart from Cannibal The Musical. 53. Is Christmas stressful? Undoubtedly so. sotelltheworldletsbuysomepeaceandquietforachangebeforewespenditallonfuckingtoys 54. Ever eat a pierogi? Wikipedia tells me they are filled dumplings, so I probably would if I got a chance 55. Favorite type of fruit pie? Apple. 56. Occupations you wanted to be when you were a kid? Astronaut. That was about it I think. 57. Do you believe in ghosts? No, I don't. imaginelivinglikeakingsomedayasinglenightwithoutaghostinthewalls 58. Ever have a Deja-vu feeling? Not that I can remember. 59. Take a vitamin daily? Nope. 60. Wear slippers? Yes. Star Wars ones. 61. Wear a bath robe? Sometimes. It's called a dressing gown though. 62. What do you wear to bed? Nothing. 63. First concert? The Beautiful South, 24yrs ago. whenyoursockssmellofangelsbutyourlifesmellsofbriedontmarryherfuckme 64. Wal-Mart, Target or Kmart? Lidl 65. Nike or Adidas? Converse 66. Cheetos Or Fritos? Pringles 67. Peanuts or Sunflower seeds? Raisins 68. Favorite Taylor Swift song? Clean. raincamefallingdownwheniwasdrowningthatswhenicouldfinallybreathe 69. Ever take dance lessons? Never! I have two right feet. It's like having two left feet, only worse because it's also out of place as well as just generally bad dancing. 70. Is there a profession you picture your future spouse doing? Nah, why would I care about that? 71. Can you curl your tongue? I can't even extend my tongue far outside of my mouth. 72. Ever won a spelling bee? I've never entered a spelling bee. 73. Have you ever cried because you were so happy? No I have not. 74. What is your favorite book? It used to be either HitcHikers Guide To The Galaxy or Reaper Man. SQUEAKsaidthedeathofrats 75. Do you study better with or without music? Without. If I have music on then that will distract me too much and I'll listen more than study. 76. Regularly burn incense? Nope. 77. Ever been in love? Maybe. I thought I have been several times. I said I was. 78. Who would you like to see in concert? AFI, Green Day, I Set My Friends On Fire, Kesha, The Killers, Lady Gaga, System Of A Down, Tenacious D, While She Sleeps 79. What was the

last concert you saw? Twin Atlantic makeabeastofmyselftokillthemall 80. Hot tea or cold tea? Hot, if it has to be any at all. 81. Tea or coffee? Irn Bru 82. Favorite type of cookie? Millie's 83. Can you swim well? I can swim in a pool but I can't tread water or breath very well whilst swimming so open water would not be good for me. 84. Can you hold your breath without holding your nose? Yeah. 85. Are you patient? I can be. 86. DJ or band, at a wedding? DJ, and my playlist of 6625 songs on itunes 87. Ever won a contest? Nah. I don't enter contests. 88. Ever have plastic surgery? Nope. 89. Which are better black or green olives? Tomatoes. 90. Opinions on sex before marriage? Have as much as you can with as many consenting partners as you wish 91. Best room for a fireplace? The living room? 92. Do you want to get married It's an archaic institution and puts too much stress and debt on one day for very little benefit that I can see.

[vixxscifiwritings]

Apple Cinnamon

Characters - Hakyeon/N, OC

Genre - idk on this one tbh

Warning - Implication of smut but none present.

Summary - Her lips are the apple to his cinnamon skin.

“You still make scented candles?” Dasom asks Hakyeon, fiddling with a small white vanilla scented candle. It was one of many that lined the shelf, some with chopsticks still holding the wicks up as the wax solidified.

“It’s therapeutic” Hakyeon says, handing her a glass of red wine. 

It’s three nights before Christmas but they are celebrating early. It’s the first time in many years that Hakyeon isn’t emceeing or promoting during the winter break. Dasom will catch the flight home the day after for a long well deserved break from work. For a quiet Tuesday night, the two friends are content to spend time alone. 

Hakyeon no longer lives in a dorm but he might as well be. For all their supposed distaste for his nagging, members of VIXX spend time with him frequently. Often sleeping over in different rooms for the night.

“I should take up therapeutic hobbies” Dasom says enviously. 

“Heavy workload?” Hakyeon asks knowingly. A tell tale sigh answers him and he chuckles.

“Go ahead and pick one to light up” Hakyeon offers.

“These are way too nice to waste on me” Dasom blows it off.

“These are way too nice to never be used!” Hakyeon protests.

“Then you choose a scent oh great maker of candles!” Dasom says childishly.

Hakyeon scoffs before turning to study the shelf. Dasom frowns at the pretense because she knows he knows every candle on the shelf.

“Here peasant, feel blessed” Hakyeon says dramatically as he hands her a candle. It’s apple cinnamon and it fills the room on lighting. 

It reminds her of the lattes from the cafe on campus back in college. It’s a precious memory of a first meeting ten years ago. She looks at Hakyeon and realizes that he has changed in the ten years since they first met there. Gone is the rough bowl cut with his fringe covering his eyes. The tense eyes filled with worrry over a bunch of boys trying their best to make a name in an intensely competitive industry is replaced with ones that glow with pride on their achievements. Nervous anxiety over unsure futures replaced with wisdom of experience and the courage to take on whatever comes next.

It makes Dasom wonder sometimes. At thirty four, Cha Hakyeon is ten times the person she will ever be. What does he see in her that allows her to run to him on a whim for trivial problems? Maybe that’s why he laughs when she complains about how she accidentally spilt a coffee over her laptop once and ruined her presentation.

She’s his charity case. She knows it. And yet she finds herself drawn to him and unable to let go. Too selfish to let go. It’s that one last guilty pleasure that she allows herself. 

“If you frown so much then you will end up with lots of wrinkles” Hakyeon sings, distracting Dasom from her thoughts.

“I don’t have wrinkles. Your face has wrinkles!” Dasom retorts reflexively, making him laugh yet again.

“I have flawless skin because unlike some people here, I actually follow my skin care routine” he huffs.

“Yeah yeah. Bet you rinse and repeat your shampoo too” Dasom snorts. She places the burning candle on the coffee table and sits down on the couch. Hakyeon trails behind her and sits in the middle so that their knees bump. She glares at him and turns the other way. 

“Why are you so sad? Are you thinking about your ex again?” Hakyeon asks after a moment of silence.

“I’m not thinking about that asshole” Dasom tells him truthfully.

“Glad that we are on the same page about him being an asshole” Hakyeon sniffs. He never liked that man.

“You were always right. I was an idiot not to see it” she admits and drinks deeply from her glass.

“Well… he seemed nice and charming at first and he treated you well” he concedes as he refills her glass.

“But was an asshole to everyone else I cared about. Not a very nice quality in a boyfriend” she says wisely.

“Not a nice quality at all” he agrees.

“Maybe I should start a cat collection. There’s a beautiful pudgy tabby cat that always sleeps outside my kitchen window. Maybe I’ll adopt it” Dasom says, taking a sip of her wine.

“I would start with a hairless cat. Best to minimize the cat hair all around” Hakyeon comments.

“Cha Hakyeon! Don’t discriminate! All cats are beautiful” Dasom chides. “Besides, why are you dying alone? I can literally name a dozen woman who would be ready to marry you should you propose now.”

“Not all dark skinned men are sexy enough” he jokes bitterly.

“Then all those bitches are colourist” she curses and he raises his wine glass to drink to that.

“It’s their loss. They don’t know what they are missing out on” Dasom starts. “I mean what idiot in their right mind cannot see how amazing you are? You are talented and hard working and the most amazing singer. Your voice could make babies hot damn. And a good emcee. Do you know how much confidence it takes to stand on stage and speak well? what am I saying, of course you do! And you are the most caring and responsible man I have ever met. The word dependable has a photo of you next to it in the dictionary -”

“You talk too much when you are drunk” Hakyeon complains, placing a finger on her lips. 

“No more wine for you. Jesus, it wasn’t even two glasses” he says, taking the the wine glass from her with his free hands. Dasom pouts and he feels the plump curves of her lips. He traces her lip and lets his hand fall to his side. For a hot minute, the tension in the air is thick enough for the airy room to feel suffocating.

“You were always ready to fight the world for me” he says, looking down on the floor.

“I still am! And I apologised for sassing the anti fan okay? It’s not my fault Hongbin couldn’t control his face and someone caught the entire thing on camera!” she protests.

“Do you really believe that I am worth fighting for?” he asks. Dasom’s heart drops at how vulnerable that question makes him sound. This is Cha Hakyeon. Leader extraordinaire. The loving MomYeon of VIXX. Her best friend in the world.

“Undoubtedly” she says without hesitating.

He smiles and lays his head on her shoulder. They are both very sure the other can feel their increased heartbeat for their hearts are pounding in their chests and echoing in their ears.

“I needed to hear that tonight” he whispers into her collarbone.

“I will say it as many times as you need to hear it. And believe it a hundred per cent every damned time” she declares. Unrequited love or not, he is hers to protect and care for. And Dasom takes that role very seriously.

“Can’t I just fall in love with you? Can’t we stay like this forever?” he asks childishly. It feels surreal. He has missed her warmth. The comfort and support her childish spirit brings him. And how her passionate belief in him makes him believe too.

It makes him believe that he can conquer the world. And even if he fails, she will be there to help him stand up when he falls. It makes him believe in the his actions and decisions in the way no one else’s assurances do. It makes him believe that if he tries he can win her heart. and maybe, just maybe, be half the man she really deserves.

“That’s not how love works Hakyeon” she replies. 

“I know” he responds. He kisses the base of her neck briefly. It’s a line they have never crossed but he has nothing more to lose after that rejection. And he leans forward and kisses her on her lips. 

“Hakyeon…” she whispers. The feeling is intense and heady and she doesn’t protest to being pulled onto his lap. 

“If we do this… we can’t go back” she warns him. He nods, peppering her neck with kisses. Her fingers run through his hair, and her eyes close, basking in the sudden euphoria. It feels like sudden rain on a land in drought. He feels warm and he feels needy and she has longed to be desired this way for so long that it is unfair to not be closer. 

[asksansweredpdf]

65 questions youre not used to

1. Do you ever doubt the existence of others than you? not until now

2. On a scale of 1-5, how afraid of the dark are you? hm like a 3? i talk to spirits so sometimes i worry that they’re around

3. The person you would never want to meet? someone i used to know who things are now awkward with

4. What is your favorite word? oblong or shenanigans 

5. If you were a type of tree, what would you be? idk like a mulberry tree

6. When you looked in the mirror this morning what was the first thing you thought? that my hair was sticking up from my sleep

7. What shirt are you wearing? pink &  blue stipy crop

8. What do you label yourself as? flamboyant & eccentric 

9. Bright room or dark room? dark room

10. What were you doing at midnight last night? finishing infinity war or reading fanfic sjdfhjlkf

11. Favorite age you’ve been so far? 20

12. Who told you they loved you last? probably my old best friend dom

13. Your worst enemy? i dont really have any enemies. i try to get on with everyone or keep to myself if that’s not possible

14. What is your current desktop picture? a scene from kiki’s delivery service with a window near some greenery

15. Do you like someone? not romantically no. i only ever go to work and work romances are inappropriate

16. The last song you listened to? pussy is gof

17. You can press a button that will make any one person explode. Who would you blow up? id like to say someone like trump, but i think his death wouldn’t really lead to much positive change. maybe a billionaire with an heir who would do better with what they have? i’lll have to research this

18. Who would you really like to just punch in the face? nobody immediately springs to mind. 

19. If anyone could be your slave for a day, who would it be and what would they have to do? technically i’d make someone like jeff bezos my slave and then force him to give his money to the homeless, or to pay his workers a higher wage, or something to that anti-capitalist extent. maybe i’d force major ceos to try and combat global warming if it isnt too late

20. What is your best physical attribute? (showing said attribute is optional) everyone says my eyes - and i do like them, but im inclined to say my hair. i love my hair so much

21. If you were the opposite sex for one day, what would you look like and what would you do? id be super hot with colourings like zayn malik or rdj and id probably immediately jack off dsfjlkdsjfkl

22. Do you have a secret talent? If yes, what is it? no serious answers come to mind

23. What is one unique thing you’re afraid of? asking people for a favour/for help. answering the phone when im not at work

24. You can only have one kind of sandwich. Every sandwich ingredient known to humankind is at your disposal. my subway usual! white bread, chicken stips with melted cheese, cucumber, capsicum, olives, jalepenos, honey mustard sauce, salt and pepper

25. You just found $100! How are you going to spend it? probably use it to save for a car, or to help fund dad’s trip to america/england that i got roped into having to pay for

26. You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere in the world, but you have to leave immediately. Where are you going to go? i have work tomorrow :/ but i guess if i could get out of that i’d go to greece or something?

27. An angel appears out of Heaven and offers you a lifetime supply of the alcoholic beverage of your choice. “Be brand-specific” it says. Man! What are you gonna say about that? Even if you don’t drink booze there’s something you can figure out… so what’s it gonna be? ive never had expensive alcohol so i’d probably get like a scotch whiskey or some usual vodka (but pre-mixed. i always puke when i mix vodka myself)

28. You discover a beautiful island upon which you may build your own society. You make the rules. What is the first rule you put into place? YEEEESSSS, um first rule would be that everyone gets food/shelter/water for free. regardless of who you are. 

29. What is your favorite expletive? used to be shit, now i think it’s just fuck.

30. Your house is on fire, holy shit! You have just enough time to run in there and grab ONE inanimate object. Don’t worry, your loved ones and pets have already made it out safely. So what’s the one thing you’re going to save from that blazing inferno? my phone

31. You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be? g o d. i think i’d erase either my 18th birthday or the day we first moved into the house im living in now

32. You got kicked out of the country for being a time-traveling heathen who sleeps with celebrities and has super-powers. But check out this cool shit… you can move to anywhere else in the world! fuck yeah i’d go live with harry styles or someone in america or england or whatever. maybe canada. canada seems cool. 

33. The Celestial Gates Of Beyond have opened, much to your surprise because you didn’t think such a thing existed. Death appears. As it turns out, Death is actually a pretty cool entity, and happens to be in a fantastic mood. Death offers to return the friend/family-member/person/etc. of your choice to the living world. Who will you bring back? my mum’s father! i’ve always wanted to meet him. we have a lot in common from what i’m told (i was 2 when he died so i dont even remember him). but we’re both leos! we both love dancing and we both love music and singing (he was a musician. and music is like.....all i have). we both like cigarettes and swearing. we both had shit mothers. he seems a cool dude. he had that leo generosity and gave my mum a car and money when she needed it and i never had a good person/parent like that around and i’d love to know him and now im getting sad so. did not see that coming round the corner

34. What was your last dream about? this is going to sound weird but it was about this gross old fat dude sitting in a car next to me (i think my family started driving people around for money in my dream) and he started feeling me up and i told him off. 

35. Are you a good….[insert anything you’d like here]? person? artist? singer? student? worker? nope. im not good at much. 

36. Have you ever been admitted to the hospital? yeah twice that i can recall atm. once when i was 9 months for having a cyst on my ovary, and once when i was 19 for having gastro and puking non-stop.

37. Have you ever built a snowman? nah i wish. it doesnt snow in australia

38. What is the color of your socks? im not wearing any atm but the last pair i wore were red and black deadpool ones

39. What type of music do you like? GOD okay my answer is any type of music. but it has to be good. upbeat music? 

40. Do you prefer sunrises or sunsets? sunsets

41. What is your favorite milkshake flavor? vanilla or caramel

42. What football team do you support? (I will answer in terms of American football as well as soccer) i dont give a shit about sports

43. Do you have any scars? yeah i have one on my lower stomach from the surgery i got for my ovary cyst, one on my right hand from opening a tin of tuna and slicing my hand immediately (i later got food poisoning), i have some embarrassing ass self harm scars on my thighs, and i think that’s it? 

44. What do you want to be when you graduate? well i graduate uni in just over a week (next saturday) and i have no clue. at the moment i just want to get a job that has a set amount of hours and a set/steady pay and doesnt make me anxious. a desk job that i’m not terrible at. then i can move out. and once im moved out i wont be in survival mode, and maybe then i can start dreaming. but for now im desperate enough to not even have dreams or wants. 

45. If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be? i would make me more assertive and less anxious. and a bit more funny. a bit more like an aries or a leo. i think i will be more like this when im moved out and secure with a consistent job and consistent living space. i havent had that for like 6 years.

46. Are you reliable? very

47. If you could ask your future self one question, what would it be? god what a question. where should i work? and should i get a motorbike or a car? and id just ask for general advice

48. Do you hold grudges? absolutely. to be fair, i consider myself a very understanding and fair person, so it takes a lot to get me mad. but once im there, it’s usually justified and hard to change my mind. 

49. If you could breed two animals together to defy the laws of nature, what new animal would you create? like maybe a bird and a lion. imagine a flying lion. that’d be sick

50. What is the most unusual conversation you’ve ever had? out of what immediately springs to mind i have 2 equally strong contenders: 1) me, introducing myself to a worker on the first day at my job - “hi, i’m ____ by the way. i don’t think i’ve introduced myself to you yet” “i know.” “oh! sorry haha im just really bad with names and faces haha” "yeah. we went to school together. *walks away*  2) coworker: so how many babies do you think we’ll have to sacrifice to get a bigger back room? me: ........at least 1 million coworker: 1 million? wow! i was thinking like 7! me: 7? wow i really went overboard there. but wait! what counts as a baby? are there age or weight restrictions or? coworker: hm i think it’s like anyone under the age of 4 me: oh under 4? so if you kill a 5 year old and sacrifice it, then you’ve just wasted a kill and it doesn’t count? coworker: yeah pretty much.....i’ve done that a few times, actually. their parents were not happy me: yeah i’d imagine just as much. imagine having to have that conversation with their parents like ‘uhh sorry about that’ coworker: yeah and it was all for nothing too

51. Are you a good liar? yes, when i know the people and situation well. i usually plan out my lies in advance, but for whatever reason im actually a better liar when im thinking on my feet and improvising the lies. have no idea how or why. 

52. How long could you go without talking? fucking forever. i’m great at talking, a very good conversationalist. but fuck i love not having to talk to people. it’s so much effort. 

53. What has been you worst haircut/style? my mum cut a fringe for me when i was 12. 

54. Have you ever baked your own cake? all the time! i love baking

55. Can you do any accents other than your own? nope

56. What do you like on your toast? vegemite, egg, honey & peanut butter, sometimes jam (mostly when im high)

57. What is the last thing you drew a picture of? captain phasma

58. What would be you dream car? a 59 cadillac, or most ferraris 

59. Do you sing in the shower? Or do anything unusual in the shower? Explain. i dont usually sing in the shower, but i do enjoy a good shower dance routine

60. Do you believe in aliens? for sure! our universe is too huge and constantly expanding for there to be just us

61. Do you often read your horoscope? god you dont even want to know how much i fucking love astrology. astrology is my mind. it occupies about 1/3 of all my thoughts and i immediately try to figure out people’s signs within the first .... maybe 5 seconds of meeting them.

62. What is your favorite letter of the alphabet? maybe p or r or v

63. Which is cooler: dinosaurs or dragons? dinosaurs

64. What do you think about babies? cute when they’re not mine and i can give them back to their mothers after 5 minutes

65. Freebie! Ask anything interesting you can think of.