#idk it just felt so stiff and awful for a few days lol

[corpsoir]

stands in love yippee <3

[idontlikeem]

i have some hockey-related asks, i'm going to try to get to them tomorrow. sorry guys, been a bad mental health weekend for me.

i thought maybe writing about it would help, so that's under the cut, but i'm discussing mental health stuff and a bit of food stuff so please don't click and read if you're sensitive to that, and even if you're not don't feel any obligation to click and read lol i just am complaining mostly.

as someone who's had mild clinical depression and moderate generalized anxiety for basically my whole life, it's kind of...shocking to me to sometimes pull my head up and look around and see just how badly i'm being affected by acute situational depression.

it has a different flavor and a different feel. i'm familiar with the struggle to motivate, the lack of desire to get tasks i find unpleasant done even when i know i have to do them, and the occasional bouts of like...idk just Existential Sad. i've always had that, and i've always been able to sort of stiff-upper-lip my way through it and come out feeling better after a few hours or days of feeling not so great.

this? jesus christ.

i cannot make myself get out of bed in the mornings more than a few minutes before i have to log on for work. i lose time during the work day just staring into space. i haven't taken my dog for a long walk in weeks (now part of that is due to the very extreme weather and now my fucked-up knee, but if those things hadn't happened i cannot with confidence say i'd be out there with her). i lie down and just want to...stay there.

i've always been a comfort/stress-eater. i've struggled with my weight for always, not exactly helped along with my mom's absolutely awful approach to body image and like. idk just general care and maintenance of a teenage girl's weight, this is all stuff i don't even want to get into lol, but suffice to say that i am not at my healthiest physical self and have for years sort of made myself feel better with little snacks. but now? i don't eat all day and it's like i can feel that i'm hungry, i understand that the reason my stomach hurts is because it's 4:45 pm and i haven't had anything but coffee today, but i cannot get myself to get up and go downstairs and have something. i bought protein shakes and those have been getting me through the really bad days, but even though they're the brand and flavor i like best when i'm training for long runs (koia vanilla bean and chocolate brownie btw if anyone needs recommendations), they taste like chalk and i have to force them down.

the insidious part is i think i'm doing ok. i get through a work day and maybe, like, do the dishes and say 'hey! look at me, being independent. i'm doing just fine'. and then i walk past the giant pile of stuff i've ordered to try and make myself feel better and haven't even opened. there's a pile of boxes downstairs that i cannot motivate myself to open. i go past it and i go upstairs and i lie down and that's it. the whole afternoon and evening passes and i just stare at my phone trying to keep my mind blank because if i don't i start crying and can't stop.

you can find articles out there that outside of the literal death of a spouse or child, divorce is one of the most stressful events a person can go through. and i fucking believe it. i have never felt this bad for this long in my whole entire life.

i hate feeling like this and it's been worse this weekend than since this whole fucking thing started, i think, and it's so DUMB because we actually got some good news with my mom (along with some bad but that's end-stage cancer for you), so you'd think that would pick me up and help me? you'd think i could have used these days to do some of the things i need to do, like actually putting my clothes in the dresser i finally bought? but no. i've spent basically since friday night getting out of my bed long enough to take daisy to do her business when she needs to go and use the bathroom myself, and that's...it, basically.

this is so stupid. there are so many worse things in life than this, so many people who are going through really bad shit, but all i can do is sit here and thing about how fucking worthless and thrown-away i feel. how pointless. like i'm a piece of trash that just can be discarded when someone's done using it up.

i don't even miss him. right? like i don't. he was bad for me. but holy shit.

[missmonsters2]

VAN FKSMFMSKFKSKFLSLF *incoherent noises*

First than anything, hi you! Sharky here! How's everything going? I'm kind of impatient and super excited for mirror mirror's update LOL. Okay, so you see, things have happened.

And..And.. WE CUDDLED.

We cuddled. Ok. We cuddled. Actually, I have already slept there this monday. YES. You're reading right. Her house is near the place I work, and she invited me to go to her house to watch movies together! Of course I said yes. We went to her house and then it was late, and I was gonna go home but she offered me to stay there. And. And listen, she drove me to work. And have I said that I find it strangely attractive that she drives? Because I do bUT HEAR ME OUT.

Everything she does looks so graceful. Like, she could be.. I don't know. Shoveling shit. And she'd still look so, so gorgeous and elegant. And I mean it 😭. She holds herself with such poise and I just.. Idk. She's just so cute and pretty and graceful.

That day we didn't cuddle perse? I mean, we actually kind of cuddled already, you know. A few times actually. While we watch movies or stuff. But I mean cuddling while we sleep. And.. well, that day I was kinda sick, and we slept super close but I was kind of burning up a bit and it was pretty damn hot so I just slept outside the blankets.

Thing is, yesterday I went to her house again after the gym. And we kind of cuddled in the couch while we watched the whole Hunger games saga by her request and she offered me to stay at her place again. And when we went to sleep she cuddled me and held me so close and she was like "this okay?" And I was like about to foam in the mouth lIKE YES LKVE SUPER OKAU KJFKSJDKSKDJ. And we just cuddled the whole night. And I'm so fucking gay

I might just be falling for her already who am I kidding. IT FELT SO GOOD. She was so warm and so so soft and kfkwkfkekfke I loved it.

I mean, I was awkward asf at first because I didn't know where the fuck to look at or how tight should I hug her but at some point I just relaxed and it felt so natural. Today I woke up and sweet sweet Charlie made mE TEA. (Oh yes, yet again it was so awful but the sweetness of the gesture erased away all — if that's how you spell it — uggliness). And guess where am I now, dear dear Van.

Oh yes. At her place. Yet again.

We've been playing just dance together and I don't think I ever laughed this hard KFKAKFKSKD. Such poise and yet she looks so stiff (I tripped and almost fell 2 times but I'll still judge her). Though I have to say that she had some moves KFKSKD. Or maybe I am a crazy simp already.

We sang sooo much in the drive to her house and I had kind of a dejavu of that ✨magnificent✨ moment of mirror mirror where Wanda screams her lungs singing enchanted because at some point all too well started reproducing and MAN. I HAD SOME HARDCORE MEMORIES COMIN' BACK. I almost ask her to play the 10 min version god I'm so pathetic

Well, yeah, that's the update. This weekend we'll have another date. Her surprise date, Van KDKSMDMS. Also.. I should mention that she asked about my family? Thing is, heh, my family is kinda small, only my dad and uncle, and.. Well, my dad's girlfriend put a restraining order on my dad for domestic violence and sexual abuse last year 😃 and I've been ignoring him all this time and my uncle kind of hates me because I'm gay and whenever he used to comment something about it I rubbed in his face that I'm an ugly, despicable lesbian so we haven't talked to eachother in years 😃 and the rest of my family is dead so haha omg I've got no family to present her to KFKSKFKSKD HELP. I don't want her to pity me but I kind of pity myself already so KFKAKDKE LOL. And she has a large, supporting family and this is gonna be so damn awkward if I ever meet her parents like daAMN. My girl's got two dads and a mom and I got none bro JAKDJANDN. I know this is so random but lemme tell you a joke.

An orphan goes to McDonalds. What does he order? A family combo 😂 it's not laugh it's tears. ALRIGHT. Enough drama for today it's enough folks. Thank you for your endless support Van! I'll make sure to come back with more updates after our next date!!!

-🦈

hiiii sharky!! Thanks for waiting for me to replyyy <3

you are truly living your best life. I love watching movies and cuddling LOL were you still sick?? and you had a sleepover?!?! The girls do move quickly and i love this LMFAO

You are so down bad and i know this bc no one looks good shovelling shit. There's just no way. Even if it was lizzie olsen, I love her, but she could not make me think shovelling doo doo is sexy.

I love that you have a new gym buddy from this as well LOL like you are THAT couple that works out together. She really clearly loves your company!!!

So are you gonna tell her that her tea is awful or is it gonna be me LOLL how long can you subject yourself to that???

AhhH you guys are doing such fun activities like just dance and singing!! I love that you're both not afraid to be goofy in front of each other.

So....your whole family sucks....i am ur family now. I am the big sister u can present her to, no worries! I will be on your side for the wedding LOL but real talk ur dad is scary, i hope you are safe!! I love that her family sounds lovely though. You have gained the found family trope!!!! (i am pointedly ignoring ur joke. i love u but no <3)

I hope your date went well. You'll have to let me know what she planned!

[littleoddwriter]

Bored | Roman Sionis x Male!Reader | Smut

"hello I have a request as usual  (nsf/w as warned lol) Prompt 24 "I am working here!" (sorry don't know the exact line.) Roman Sionis x male!reader. Reader is needy as usual for reasons (idk, woke up after a particular dream, is just horny because he is, wants Roman, take your pick) but Roman is working in the living room or in the club or something and so he really can't just abandon that for reader because it's ~important work~. Reader keeps badgering him and whining for him so eventually roman snaps (hence that line) and yeah, the whole cock warming etc ensues, you know what I mean" @iscariot-rising​

summary; You’re bored and horny and want attention from Roman, who is working. Smut ensues. This is really just PWP.

notes; KINKS: Daddy!Kink; Degradation (Reader is being called a ‘whore’ and a ‘slut’); Dom/Sub; Cockwarming; Facefucking; Fingersucking; Bratting (i guess); Subspace. Male!Reader; PWP; Lemon; Smut; Boredom; Horniness; Roman is beautiful. 

You were bored out of your mind. Not having much, or anything really, to do you didn't know what to make of yourself for the day; and usually you would do something with Roman, whatever he felt like doing, but he was working. He sat at the dining table in front of his laptop and typing away on some things. You didn't know what he was doing and which of his businesses it concerned, but you really wanted him to stop and pay attention to you instead.

Lying on the chaise longue that was closest to the dining table, you looked at him.

You've been looking at him for a while; and you knew that he was trying to ignore the feeling of your eyes on him. Your gaze roamed over his body, picking out details about him; like how his hair wasn't done as nicely as usual, a few strands loose and hanging over his forehead, and how he didn't use hair gel to put it into place, so it looked fluffy and soft. He also didn't bother to put on one of his many suits, instead he sat there in his purple silk robe, a grey soft cotton shirt that still cost more than your smartphone, and his pyjama pants with his face printed on them, such as his slippers with his initials on them. It was a favourite of yours. He looked delectable in everything he wore, but fuck, you really liked it when he just looked comfortable and less well put together. It turned you on. Which, fair enough, wasn't hard for him to achieve; you were horny for him basically all day, every day as it was.

When you were bored, you usually were also extra horny. It was just how it worked for you. Usually, you would have resorted to getting yourself off, but since you've been with Roman that was barely needed anymore and frankly, it left you feeling unsatisfied.

Instead you thought that Roman should take a break from working anyway; he's been at it for at least two hours straight, so that would be fair.

So you whined, pathetically and unmistakebly wanton, and elongating each syllable, "Daddy."

Roman ignored you, not even glancing at you or stopping to type. Nothing.

Pouting, you did it again.

Still no reaction.

Fine then.

"Daddy, I'm bored! Bored and horny. Daddy, please." You were laying it on thick, but desperate times called for desperate measures.

That got a bit of a reaction out of him; he stopped typing for a moment, closed his eyes and took a deep, calming breath. Then he continued to ignore you. Pity.

Standing up, you sauntered over to him, swaying your hips a little. He paid you no mind. When you reached him, you draped your arms over his shoulders and leaned your forehead against the back of his head. Fuck, his hair really was as soft as it looked. Nuzzling it, you withdrew your arms so far, that your hands sat on his shoulders. You squeezed them, kneading the tense muscles there.

"Daddy, please pay attention to me. Please, I need you!" You whined again, pressing kisses into his hair.

"I'm trying to fucking work here! So, could you stop fucking annoying me? Fuck!" He growled.

For a short moment, you faltered, unsure if he really wanted you to stop entirely, or if perhaps he was just playing it up. It was always hard to tell with him.

When he didn't try to pry out of your hands on him, though, you were fairly sure that he was alright with it after all and just playing along.

"But Daddy, I really need you! You wouldn't want me to go and just get myself off, would you?"

Roman sighed, sounding annoyed with you, and leaned back against you. Promptly, he grabbed one of your hands and tugged you forward. You lost your balance and came around the chair he was sitting on, when you felt a little more steady again. Standing next to him, he looked up at you, your hand still tightly grasped in his own.

"You wanna play with Daddy, even though he is so very busy, huh, baby boy?" He rasped, a playfully dangerous edge to his voice and eyes.

You swallowed thickly, already so fucking aroused by him; you could only nod dumbly.

"Use your words, sweet boy. I've taught you better than this, haven't I?"

"Y-yes, Daddy. Please, I need you, I can't wait till you're done."

"Well then, baby, I don't want to keep you waiting any longer, now do I?" You shook your head. "No, of course I don't. Why don't you go and get yourself a pillow from the chaise longue, hm?"

He let go of your wrist after you whimpered a 'yes, Daddy' once more, and then you went and got one of the many pillows. You chose your favourite, the really fluffy one with the orange fur on top.

Coming back to him, you stood just a few inches away from him, the pillow close to your chest, enveloped by your arms. "What now, Daddy?"

"Now, I'd like you to get in between my legs and on your knees, like a good little boy, 'kay?" As he said that, he spread his legs wide enough for you to fit in between.

Without hesitation, you got under the table, put the pillow on the floor and kneeled on it. Then you looked up at him, smiling and looking eager as ever.

"Good boy," he cooed and you bit your lower lip in response, shivering slightly.

He lifted his hips slightly, as he pulled down his pants. Of course he wasn't wearing any underwear, so he pulled them down just far enough that he could pull out his half-hard cock comfortably. Your mouth watered at the sight. You'd never get over how fucking perfect it was; to you anyway.

"Keep it warm then, will you? No sucking, no bobbing your head - just keep it in your mouth and hold still. 'Kay?"

"Yes, Daddy! Anything for you," you moaned, grinning stupidly up at him.

"Dumb little slut," he murmured, smirking down at you. "C'mon then, Daddy won't ask again," he rasped and gripped the back of your head tightly, pulling you forward and into his crotch.

You let loose another lewd moan and mouthed at his cock a little, licking over it and pressing open mouthed, panting kisses on it. Roman pulled on your hair to get you back on track, as you got so distracted by having his dick in your face. You stopped mouthing at him and instead put him in your mouth just far enough to not breach your throat, so you could still breathe shallowly. Then you leaned your head against his thigh, unseeingly looking up at him through your lashes. He loosened his grip on your hair and stroked it gently.

"That's my good boy, hm?" You made an excited, affirmative sound in the back of your throat. "Yes, you are. Now, promise to keep still and let me finish my work. When I'm done, I'll play with you properly, 'kay?"

You gave him a thumbs up and relaxed into having his softening cock in your mouth.

Drool formed in the corners of your mouth and your bottom lip, running down your chin. You weren't allowed to suckle or swallow, so you didn't, and let it all flow instead. Usually, you didn't like it, and neither did Roman; but in moments like that your mind was blissfully empty and Sionis liked to indulge you. So, neither of you could really give a fuck about the drool making a mess of your shirt, his pants, and the pillow below you.

You couldn't possibly tell how long it's been, but your joints and your neck were rather stiff, when Roman pulled on your hair again to make you pay attention and get off his cock. Still a little behind on everything happening, you slowly rose your head from his thigh and let his cock slip from your mouth; a trail of spit and a little precome connecting your lips to his length.

"What a good boy you are, hm? Kept still the entire two hours I've had you on your knees here. Aw, baby, let's go then, have a bit of real fun. What does that sound like to you, sweet boy?" Roman cooed stroking your hair gently and as if you were a dog, rather than a person.

"Love it, please, Daddy, want you," you slurred, smiling up at him.

Gently, he held your jaw away from himself as he pushed out the chair and stood up, smirking down at you.

"I'm going to fuck your face, 'kay, baby?"

You could only nod frantically, despite the grip on your jaw.

He gripped his cock with his own hand and moved it up and down, swirling over the head and making himself groan, as he got hard. When he was fully erect, he buried both of his hands in your hair and gripped onto your head tightly, but not painfully so. You opened your mouth wide for him, and then he was already guiding his hard cock into your waiting, spit-slick mouth. Both of you moaned at that.

Then he started moving, first thrusting in shallowly, yet with force behind it. When he felt like you got used to it enough, he moved his hips quicker and with more intent, shoving his cock down your throat repeatedly, until he kept it there, buried down your tight, convulsing throat. Tears started to roll down your cheeks then, your face red, your eyes unseeing.

He pulled out when you could barely keep your eyes open anymore. Roman gave you a few seconds to breathe and then he was back inside and down your throat once more. That process was repeated a few times, until eventually, he kept his cockhead in your mouth and jacked himself off, coming in your mouth with loud groans.

You moaned lewdly, and as if it was the best thing in the world, which to you, in this moment - it was.

When he was done, he tucked himself back into his pants and looked down at you. You had a stupid, happy smile on your face, and showed off your empty mouth, after having swallowed down his load.

You were hard and aching in your pants, and you wanted to come so desperately, but you couldn't make yourself signalise it in any way, too fucked out already.

"Aw, baby, look at you. Absolutely fucking ruined. You're such a filthy fucking whore for Daddy, aren't you?" His voice was raw and husky now, it made you whine wantonly.

"Yes, Daddy!" It was barely intelligible at all.

"Get yourself off for me, will you? Right here, right now. But don't make a mess of the floor, 'kay?" Roman commanded you.

Obediently as ever, you nodded and got your own hard cock out of your sweat pants. To wet your hand and make the slide of it a little easier, you put your fingers in your mouth and drooled all over your hand for a minute, still looking up at Roman with such desperation and adoration in your eyes.

When you deemed your hand wet enough, you wrapped it around your cock and started moving it up and down roughly in a quick pace. Roman kept cooing and rasping filthy shit to you and you came impossibly quick, making an even bigger mess of your shirt and sweat pants than before already. You moaned loudly all the way through it, but focused on not getting anything on the floor. Satisfied, you noted that your come only landed on your clothes, and your hand, and nothing else.

Afterwards, you were panting, red-faced and looking fucked out in the best possible way.

"Thank you, Daddy!" You slurred.

"You're welcome, baby," Roman replied and helped you to stand up and into the nearest bathroom.