#idk summer is just hard because it makes that loneliness and the overall weirdness about my family even worse
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both mine and my family’s social life is pretty much non-existent and it makes me feel so trapped :’)))))
#i feel genuinely suffocated#i barely see any relatives besides my parents and my sister#we haven't seen our family friends in years#my mom has more or less cut off a major part of our family and while i don't blame her for that it just feels.. so weird#i feel like im on the outside#before covid we used to at least see our closer relatives a couple times a year#especially during summer we'd travel to them or they'd travel to us#but nope#money isn't helping either#and i put some of the blame on myself because i got so terribly sick a couple years ago that my family but especially my mom Had to isolate-#themselves for the family to take care of me during that time#so i feel like i kind of contributed to that#it's because of that same sickness i can't really move out because i don't think i would make it on my own just yet and it Suffocates me#idk summer is just hard because it makes that loneliness and the overall weirdness about my family even worse#i don't really want to see my relatives (apart from one of them <3) but it still sucks to feel like im not part of my family anymore#and for no particular reason that i know of as well#woops didn't mean to vent like that
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