#idk there's just a lot of anger from realising that it wasn't my fault and NOBODY tried to help me

[lazylittledragon]

y'know what. sometimes there is something wrong with you. and i don't mean in a "you are broken and that makes you unworthy" way, just in the "your brain/body does not work the way it's expected to and that's why things are so hard" way

like as someone who grew up constantly being told there was nothing wrong with me and i just had to try harder to clean/socialise/work, knowing i had ADHD earlier would've saved me a LOT of guilt. knowing i have IBS would've prevented a lot of pain/embarrassment from not being able to manage it yet. i wish someone had told me there was a reason i couldn't do things instead of just telling me i was fine. people reassuring me i didn't have any issues to spare me the shame of being "different" only made me feel worse about not being able to function like everyone else!!!

idk sometimes i just wish i knew there was something different about me sooner bc then i would've had an explanation and a way to get better instead of just a lot of self loathing

[duchessofostergotlands]

I know you made posts debunking Albert/Charlene conspiracies in the past but how do you ignore all that noise? I’m on this general celeb gossip reddit where there was a thread asking ppl which celebs they’re sorry for, if any. I know, my fault for reading it in the first place but Albert/Charlene was one of them and there was a full on discussion. Like, idk A&C personally so she might really be imprisoned for all I know. But to treat it as fact and using pics of her crying on her wedding day, while completely ignoring the several pics of her looking super duper happy with Albert is so annoying. I know it’s a dumb thing to be annoyed about especially when I willingly subject myself to read those threads in the first place.

Well you already know my answer to this! haha. Don't read them! But I know it is easier said than done. Up until about 2018/19 I would definitely search out articles and things that I didn't like and I would always comment on them here or answer anon questions about them and spark a big discussion. And all it was doing was fueling that cycle of anger. Because of my BPD, I am quick to anger and it can be really intense and frightening so while this behaviour isn't healthy for anyone it was particularly unhealthy for me. But anger's addictive!

Honestly going to therapy was a huge help. I recognised more where the anger was coming from and I learned to let go of things that are nothing to do with me. I also realised that when you rise to the bait every single time, you give someone power. I can choose not to give these articles clicks or drive people towards them. I think that's really hard to do because you don't want to risk being apathetic or silencing yourself but to quote my dear Dorothy Parker: "I do not have to attend every argument I'm invited to." Pick your battles! I started by implementing that with my blog - blocking and deleting messages and no longer feeling an obligation to respond to things - and it trickled into other areas of my life from there.

The shift in the fandom also contributed to this. Seeing Kate go from hated and vilified to adored and beloved by the same people within a few weeks - after Meghan arrived - was surreal and made me really understand that the press and the public are fickle and what these people actually do or say doesn't really matter. I think up until that point I'd genuinely believed that if I argued well enough and presented enough evidence I could change people's minds. With the Kate and Meghan thing I realised all that matters, all I can control, is what I think and feel about them and what I know to be true. I grounded myself in that and worried less about the noise.

I will comment or read the odd thing here and there but definitely avoid it a lot of the time. And that is partly because I had the same awareness as you, I knew I should choose not to read these sites. But perhaps the difference is that after I realised the control these conversations had over my mental health, I wasn't just aware that I should stop reading these sites; I actually didn't want to read them either. I no longer felt an obligation or that kind of addictive quality.