#idk what is hers but i am obviously projecting my opinions of snow onto her as i did onto bianca in the last batch of these

[musicaldamage]

So having watched the vbw Falco musical recently. Rock Me Amadeus. I have Thoughts™

[ID: the mostly empty Ronacher theatre's auditorium seen from the 2nd floor on the right side. the stage is hidden behind a sort-of wall barrier curtain thing made of squares, some of which are reflective. the "Rock Me Amadeus" logo and an image of Moritz Mausser in character as Falco are projected onto it. Surrounding the stage there are a number of variously-shaped angular mirrors lined with glowing light. (additionally there's my partner's hand forming the peace sign on the right side of the image)]

side note I am irrationally annoyed that the squares of the logo don't line up with the squares of the curtain thing WHAT are they doing

Spoilers and further opinions under the cut

- The cast is stellar. Moritz Mausser is absolutely 100% brilliant, Katharina Gorgi's voice is beautiful, and Alex Melcher is there so that's in some ways already enough for me personally really. though he only really shows up in the 2nd act which is a bit sad. to me

but his presence is good bc. well. a lot of the things I generally value in a musical are kinda meh in this one tbh

- the music is fine! it's mainly Falco songs obviously, which I've been mostly neutral about so far but there definitely are some bangers, and, well, Moritz and Alex singing them sure is a point in favour. the additional songs written specifically for the musical are... I don't think they're bad, mostly, but they have a completely different vibe that doesn't really fit in with the rest. and. actually, some of them are bad. in my opinion. extremely cheesy. what's that doing there. one of them is hella catchy but the chorus lyrics sound like it's for kindergarden, two are just incredibly generic and boring and did I mention cheesy?

- Starting out with calling the day of Falco's death "the day the music died" sure is a claim. nothing to do with whoever is in charge at the vbw being weirdly patriotic (stares at the general Austria(ns) theme of quite a number of vbw musicals)

- Similarly his first sentence "In Wien musst erst sterben, bevor sie dich hochleben lassen" ("In Vienna you gotta die before they celebrate you") which sounds nice and dramatic and all but. come on. dude was #1 in international charts very much during his lifetime. they talk about this in the musical itself. he complains on stage about how the fame and stuff bothers him. where's the dying first part huh Hansi.

- Alex. listen I am stupidly into that guy's whole vibe. his everything. his voice is my favourite kind of male voice and his hair in combination with his entire profile and the lineof his stupid neck make me feel some kind of way. I wanna grab that hair and pull his head back like that one Sandman scene you know the one.

This one. also his tattoos and his absolutely deranged energy and willingness to just go off and do insane things rolling around on the floor. and then suddenly look like an innocent child in awe at seeing snow for the first time of his life. this tangent of Alex Melcher stanning has gone on long enough we'll return to our regularly scheduled musical discussion now

- They're simultaneously trying to make Falco a sympathetic figure while also showing him behaving like a dick. it seems to work bc the audience laughs and gets Emotional but. idk maybe it's me but the "I behave like an egoistic dick to everyone around me including my wife but it's ok bc I'm Misunderstood and actually very Deep and Emotional and I love my wife and need her to keep me sane and also I'm marionetted against my will by my Dark Impulses" shtick is sort of... you can't have him throw his wife to the ground and give zero fucks about her and then half an hour later at his funeral or wake or idk play a quote of him saying "I never hurt anyone other than myself" and have someone else call him empathic and sensitive and expect me to take that seriously and... look maybe I'd like it better if the jokes weren't so incredibly lame

- Female roles?? what's that. there's two (2) that get a name on the cast list (his wife and his mum). one (1) of them gets addressed by name on stage (Isabella, the Wife. his mum is Maria but only if you look at the cast list or the programme). Isabella's role is Sexy Lady turned Caring Wife and Mother who finally Leaves. the mum's role is Nagging Mum (in law) and Comic Relief. there's a second girlfriend (wife? secretary? idek) who apoears in one scene and gets called a name (Caroline) which I only caught bc I was looking at the surtitles. no one gets a personality not even the male characters really no one matters (I mean yes ok it's Falco's Story but ffs let Katharina DO something with her voice maybe)

- have I mentioned the awful dialogue and cheap jokes yet? "the best aspect of the American flag are the red-white-red stripes". terrible flirting with "ladies in uniform" who are trying to do their job when faced with an entitled asshole but of course it's portrayed as hilarious.

- ok so back to Alex Melcher but his role is the most fun part of the thing. he's Falco's "Alter Ego" aka his, idk, hedonistic impulses and desire for fame and admiration and whatnot personified? there's a huge head on stage with a brain and all in it to make sure the audience understands that he is Inside Falco's Head and in case that's not clear enough yet he also verbatim declares that "I'm inside your head" so yeah subtlety is not required in this play. he and Falco/Hans are being incredibly homoerotic the entire time and I am personally offended that they're not kissing, but I'll take Alter Ego pretending to lick Hans's throat and clinging to him like a limpet. I would love to write fanfiction about them actually but I haven't figured out how to do that well when both parties are the same person/one is a personified fragment of the other's mind and not physically present. pity.

- idk I'd just. I'd have done it differently? again it's just. so unsubtle. why does Alter Ego just hover menacingly above the stage in a glass box once or twice during the first act, why didn't they idk put him in as part of the white-clad ensemble and make him stick out more and more instead of the Hovering and then the 5 minutes "I am you and you are me" song at the start of the 2nd act. Have him talk to people while Hans takes a step back to show it's his Dark Side™ taking over idk. I'm sure there'd also be ways to make Hans more actually sympathetic and less of an arse (fewer dumb jokes might help, or giving other characters more of a personality maybe) but yeah idk

- idk there's just. not much of a story? it's a Falco tribute show with some life moments thrown in. there's a Falco song, there's a crisis bc he's out of ideas, now he's taking drugs, now he's happy, now there's a new album without any clue where he got the ideas (was it the drugs?) now there's sth about his wife now his friend is reprising the basic as fuck Live Your Dream song yet again. then it's over and he dies in a car crash and it's all presented like it's all some incredibly deep and moving story but it's just Not That Deep

- I do like the Writer's Block song they put in, don't we all know that feeling

- I'm not sure it's a good idea to use Jeannie of all songs as a recurring motif the way they're doing? "quit living on dreams, life is not what it seems" "lonely little girl boy in a cold cold world" blah blah all nice and well but Do We Remember What This Song Is About. I mean it's a good song I'm not contesting that I like it! (if someone wants to come at me for "endorsing" anything just bc I like the song... just don't) But yeah no matter how good it is I don't think it's very uhhh fitting. Though in retrospect maybe it's meant to portray him as like... Someone At The Mercy Of Sth Evil And/Or More Powerful Than He Is. Fucking over his own life powerless to stop it or sth idk idk

- Generally I think they rely way too much on the use of background projection screens idk it seems lazy. it's fine in some scenes it can work really well but it gets too much and kinda cheesy

End of the random unorganised RMA thoughts yay! It was fun to watch. I know I mostly complain a lot here but it's definitely fun! It's just that a large part of the fun for me was despairing about how bad I found it and waiting for more homoeroticism and also for Alex Melcher to... do the things he's doing

Edit: ALSO I'm not sure if uhhh low-to-mid-key insulting (iirc) two of the three not-Austrian countries he goes to is. Necessary?

[ateneawrites]

Christmas OTP drabble thingie: Rivella 7-12

Note: here's batch number two in my attempt to mask my lack of holiday cheer with mindless otp fluff and to hijack my brain into writing serotonin into existence, prompts from this challenge are here, explained in a bit more detail here but long story short is i don't believe in posting schedules and I'm making these in batches of six as i finish them, this time I'm going with rivella; next batch should be rosenali *knocks on wood*

7. Mistletoe

River wanted the earth to swallow her alive. She'd though she'd gotten rid of all the blasted mistletoe Choriza and Vanity had put all over the place but clearly she hadn't as her loudmouth coworkers, drunk as could be after the office holiday party, were catcalling them and cheering while her and Ella Vaday had a stare down under one of the very few that had survived her purge.

River was the first one to break the eye contact, decided to concentrate better on looking at the floor as her face turned burgundy.

If they hadn't had an audience, and if River were delusional enough to think Ella wasn't out of her league, it would have been rather romantic but the situation at hand was nothing short of mortifying.

"Please don't look so pained, dear" Ella had said "You might hurt my feelings"

It was a nice attempt at trying to put River at ease because Ella was kind like that, but River was not willing to take advantage of Ella being too well mannered to rebuff her and her painfully obvious crush.

So River decided she'd do it herself. Save both of them the trouble, as a Christmas present to both Ella and herself.

She gave Ella a small pained smile, got on the tip of her toes and gave Ella a peck on the cheek while the catcalls turn to booes once their friends realize they're not getting a show.

"I don't want you to kiss me just because you have to" she said before she excused herself to get some air.

8. Making snowmen (+ Wally, bc Ella's miserable looking dog owns my soul)

Ella has a perpetual enemy in the cold weather once it gets under certain temperature. English autumn is lovely and there is something she finds rather romantic in the rain that she wouldn't change for anything but she's just never done well in winter.

Her nose and her fingertips turn perpetually pink from all of the blood trying in vain to keep body heat and every time she comes back home she spends an embarrassingly long time just cuddled onto herself in front of the heater and even longer under the hot shower trying to burn a layer of her epidermis in an attempt to encourage circulation to come back into her limbs.

River jokes that if she'd had it her way Ella'd fly south like the birds come December first and honestly that's not even too far off from the truth but there's certain perks to cold snowy England. Like getting to wake up River the first day of proper fresh snow.

River's eyes light up in delight when she looks out of the window and her excitement is probably one of the few things Ella does enjoy about the cold weather, she'd move mountains to always see River as happy as she is when there's fresh snow in the morning after a storm.

They put on warm clothes and boots (and wrap Wally in the coziest doggy sweater he's got) and play outside in it, even make a snowman (that Wally destroys several times before River gives up on it entirely).

When they get back home, Ella's face is numb and she can feel her eyeballs burn from how cold she is but River kisses her nose and each of her numb fingertips. It's tender and sweet and Ella has never loved anyone else this much in her life. She hopes she never does.

9. Wearing ugly Christmas jumpers

River chokes on her tea as she sees Ella enter the living room wearing what must be the most offensive garment her eyes have ever seen.

"Oh my god. What. Is. That"

"A jumper, dear"

"A hideous jumper" River amends.

"Yes well, we can't go to an ugly jumper Christmas party without hideous jumpers, can we?"

River is immediately alert.

"What is this we you're talking about" Ella smiles. River doesn't like it one bit.

"You have a matching one"

"No"

Ella pouts.

"Please?"

"Absolutely not"

"You did promise to come with me"

That she did. It was extorted out of her after she had gotten one of the best orgasms of her life.

"You'll have to catch me first!" she says as she jumps from her sitting place at the sofa and tries to make a run for it. She doesn't make it far, Ella catches up with her on the hall, traps River between herself and the bedroom door and kisses her breathless.

Of course River ends up wearing the matching hideous thing.

10. Baking holiday treats

River stares in alarm as she sees every surface of both the kitchen and living room taken by various kinds of carefully crafted treats.

There's gingerbread walls and roof pieces that she can tell Ella has painstakingly measured with rulers and sanded with the baking sculpting tools that Scarlett got her for her birthday, cookies cooling on racks, cakes already set on stands waiting to be iced.

It smells like sugar and cinnamon and like River's favorite parts of being cozied up inside when it was cold out.

It also smells like a cry for help.

"Ella?" she calls.

"Riv? Is that you?" she hears from upstairs. River sees Ella walk down the stairs, in her favorite jumper and her hair carefully pinned away from her face and River literally jumps to her.

"Hi" she says in a small voice. Ella hugs her back.

"Why are you here?" Ella finally asks after a minute, looking as confused as she does happy "you were not supposed to be back till tomorrow"

River has a whole speech prepared. About how Vanity had texted her about the crisis they had at work and Kitty telling her about Ella baking her feelings away when she was under stress (although she had kind of worked that one out herself) and that she really needs to get better at not bottling up her emotions but she decides against it.

"I missed you" she simply says, because it is the truth after all, she has missed her terribly so she got an earlier train back. She knows she made the right choice the way Ella's face slowly lights up. River nods in the general direction of the kitchen "need some help?"

Ella nods. There'll be time to talk later.

11. Snogging in front of the fireplace (continuation of prompt number 7)

There was something comforting about being alone in front of the fire for River. She had volunteered to be the one to leave last since she already lived close by so she had decided to relax for a bit in front of the fire, thinking she was alone at last.

"Hey"

Her shoulders instantly shot up and her head moved to face the door in alarm.

"Oh, sorry, I must've startled you" Ella said, she sounded genuinely concerned and normally River would have made more of an effort but she was quite frankly all out of strength to pretend so she just relaxed her shoulders again and stared back at the fire.

"It's alright" she simply said. She heard Ella step closer, carefully, the way you'd approach a wounded thing.

"Mind if I sit down?"

River shrugged as an answer. They stayed in silence for a while, just sat down besides each other on the floor. It's almost companionable, River though.

"It looks to me" Ella started "like there might have been a bit of a misunderstanding, earlier"

River furrowed her brow, looked at Ella again, this time a bit more carefully, taking notice of the curious glint in her eyes and the ever so slight fidgeting of her fingers.

"Oh?"

"With the mistletoe" as if River could forget "I didn't want to kiss you because I had to" she continued "Truth is I—" she bit her lip "I have been trying to figure out a way to ask you out for months, actually"

River's mouth fell open.

"I still would like to if that— if that'd be alright. Not just the kissing" good god was she actually blushing? "but the asking you out bit. We could go grab a bite. Or go out and do something. Anything you'd like if that's" Ella looked down to her lap "something you'd be interested in"

It's been a while since River wanted to smile like someone was physically yanking the corners of her mouth. She crawls closer to Ella, saw the fear of rejection be replaced by the confusion then the anticipation when she realized what River was going to do. It had started out slow but the kiss grew passionate, all the yearning of however long they'd both wanted to do that catching up with them.

When River hid her face in the crook of Ella's neck with a small, overwhelmed sigh she felt Ella tighten up the hold she had on her.

"I'd like that very much" she answered softly at last.

12. Watching a classic holiday film

They really had different definitions of what made for a holiday classic.

Ella had vetoed Shrek the Halls and River had vetoed the black and white thing from the 1940s Ella had tried to pitch to her as "You've Got Mail but it's letters instead of emails and Jimmy Stewart instead of Tom Hanks" but they had found a compromise somewhere in the middle.

Did Meet Me in St. Louis count as a holiday film? River had her doubts but it mattered very little when she was held in Ella's lap, all cozied up under a blanket, feeling safe and happy as Ella hummed along softly to Judy Garland singing Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas in the background.

[ebearie]

i don’t think i want kids to be honest but i do think about it a lot 

the only way i think i’d ever have kids is if my future wife wanted some and i would adopt 2 baby girls

so i’m constantly thinking about child psychology and what it means to be a good parent, how to help your kids grow up as well as what is in your control and give them a memorable childhood they can look back on fondly (games we could play, stuff i could buy them, places i would take them, traditions id make up, holidays)

i notice how other parents handle situations with their kids and if its the best choice and how its going to effect them long-term. i know that’s not my business, but i’m not judging them so much as i’m learning from them whether i see is a psychologically good or bad thing. how is positive/negative reinforcement or overreacting going to affect them? are they living through their kids? stuff like that

i think about how my parents handled my childhood, what they did right and what they really messed up on. my dad was there, but not too there. i got it the best with my dad since i’m his youngest daughter and i have the best relationship with my dad (going both ways, he’s really the only family member i get along with and only dislike at times because we live together and hes a bit of a homophobe). he respects me and that’s important. sure, he gets annoying at times. he’s also conservative and obviously im leftist, but we actually debate and he’s doesn’t dismiss my opinions because i’m “too young” (ill say mostly because he probably has said “you’ll see it when youre older” but idk how much that counts)

my mom is a bitch. like my dad, she was “there” when i was young, but never too there. they gave us a lot of freedom and i have siblings so we were preoccupied. i got close with my mom in middle school because i was so passive and afraid (dealing with trauma stuff) that i never acted out. when i did, she shut me down instantly (when i came out she said “uh no ur not bc u werent when u were a kid” even tho i was a rlly gay kid and she wasn’t rlly too there). once i came out about the trauma, a flip switched and i became much more assertive and my own person. she resents me for being a myself and a young person. when i was opening up to her about my suicidal thoughts and that i had a date planned a couple days go, she told me “if you think you know so much about the world why dont you just kill yourself then?” she’s told me being sexually abused made me gay and never apologizes for anything. its always my fault. i learned that i don’t wanna be a) the mother that projects her own issues onto her daughter b) a bitch

not to mention generational differences. i’m trying to wrap my head around why every generation resents the ones that follow and why parents helping kids with their problems often fall flat and i have some thoughts

 ---they forget that theyve had years of experiences and kids haven’t so usually when bad things happen to them its the worst thing theyve ever been through. so parents act dismissive and condescending 

---everything stays, but also changes. so things like injuries, breakups, failures they will never escape us, but how things happen and generational norms all change. so with different systems in place

---breaking of tradition. each generations breaks social codes from the ones that precede it. musical genres are a good example of this. when swing or rock was invented, parents hated it because it made their kids rebel and act too raunchy. as generations went on, youth started wearing different styles of clothing, more revealing or form-fitting. the breaking of tradition startles older generations because why change something they didn’t see as wrong. 

basically i’m trying to come up with a formula for being the best parent i can possibly be in a way that is very me since i’m such a thinky person, driven by logic as opposed to emotion. i know being a parent requires a lot of emotional maturity that obviously i don’t have right now, but i am working to catch up on (my job where i have to be super coddling to clients has helped me a lot). parenthood is a hard job and its not like i’m trying to perfect it, but if i’m going to have a kid, i want to at least have an understanding of how their development works and things to avoid, as well as things i want to make a point of doing. by the time i would adopt, i think it’d be in my mid thirties at least. omg this was super rambling ive just been thinking abt this a lot lol

onto nice notes, some things i would want to do with my little girls

---do “magic” with them, like the whole nine yards, foraging for stuff, casting the spells, following the planetary alignment

---get them their own pets when their mature enough (starting with fish and then work from there)

---make things with them whether its crafty and artistic or rustic

---make them their own outside fort

---have one night where we go out to eat

---SEASONAL ACTIVITIES like sledding, snow ball fights, pumpkin picking, fishing, hiking

---have one night maybe once a week or every other week where we cook something we never have before

---get them into any activity they want when theyre young whether its dance or kung fu or whatever

i just would want my potential future kids to have the best childhood i can give them ok and this isnt even accounting for the technology and new things kids in the future will be doing