#idk what the story is doing right now- though i am assuming luke is in it a lot LOL- but surely. there are other characters

[li-esonthefloor]

you know i love luke. i love luke very very very much. he is my little boy. i adore him.

but. even i am [averting eyes monkey] at how much stuff luke gets in rays. bro the last ma he got was like, three months ago... and the one before that. three months before. and the one before that-

[another-clive-blog]

uhh okay I just have to get this out before i explode because it has been bouncing around my head so uh um what if Professor Layton was French and took place in France? Please please please dump everything on us I want to hear the lore and nuance of French Layton; whose names change, what are they like now, how does the story change because it’s Paris and not London (assuming because capital cities), that kind of stuff.

Maybe change Luke’s name to Luc or something. Not sure about Hershel Layton, though. Speaking of which I know Layton always says things remind him of a puzzle so I’d imagine he instead says ce me rappelle un puzzle and then when Luc solves a puzzle he says je l‘ai résolu, professeur!!!

Then there’s Clive “je préfère y penser comme la justice” Colombe (changed his surname there) because Guilluame Faucons blew up his parents or whatever

Rereading this I asked for the nuances of French Layton and then thought too much into it myself. whoops.

this started because i was thinking about slavic professor layton and somehow moved from prague to paris lol

!!! Alright I'll try to calm it with the maj and the exclamation points lol, but I want you to know I am very very happy and excited about this !! Professeur Layton woohoo !! And I am repeating myself but your French is amazing, Luke DOES say that kfjbhefhkb (Also you found such great names so fast how did you do that ??) I am going to focus on the French Adaptation idea (hence the screenshot) ! =) I think I will talk about actual French Unwound Future eventually, but it'll be its own separate post. I simply MUST focus on this first, like the potential and sheer fun of it ? I have IDEAS.

Names and setting (Oh yes we are going there) under the cut !!

Starting with the names !!

Hershel Layton : Definitely changing Layton, I guess Léton could work ? (Little reference to French BD Les Légendaires lol) Landon is very cool tho, it reminds me of London too ! For the first name you and a friend of mine suggested Herbert, which is a great idea but I'm not too sure about losing the Yiddish etymology :( Hershel could stay I guess. I did play with Léon Léton for a moment (Léon is French equivalent for Yiddish name Lejb + we keep the animal etymology) but it sounds really terrible lol, so up to you !!

Luke Triton : You're absolutely right he would be Luc Triton !! Middle name is most definitely something like Richard lol

Flora Reinhold : Definitely agree with Flore ! Reinhold is hard because it's Renaud in French but like,,, Renaud has CONNOTATIONS. (There is a French singer called that way and people often make fun of him). Soooo same friend came up with Flore de Raynald. Looking back, I'm not sure about the "ay" ? Anyway, I added the "de" because French people used to have one in their names if they were rich/noble !!

Clive Dove : Okay. Bear with me. Bear with me please. But Nicolas Colombe. Like you said, Dove = Colombe. But Clive doesn't have any equivalent in French : you suggested Clovis and I think it really is the best, most logical option (it does make him look like a 5th century king but also Clive is like that lol) !! However I did remember that Clive's Japanese name is Klaus, and Klaus is strictly equal to Nicolas in French. So yeah idk, Nicolas Colombe sounds like a Miraculous Ladybug name lol

Bill Hawks : You're 100% right, this is our premier ministre Guillaume Faucon. =)

Dimitri Allen : We had also come up with Dimitri Alain (it's either that or pronouncing it Allant, which is just ugly lol) so perfect !!

Claire Foley : I'll be honest I don't even know how Foley is supposed to be pronounced…? But it has something to do with sound in filmmaking apparently, so you know. Claire Echo or something

That's it for the names !! Now I simply NEED to talk about something really really cool- the setting. Why that you may ask ? Because there actually are caves underneath Paris, and they're not just any caves. (They're magic caves- alright sorry ijfginknf)

So yeah the caves under Paris are not huge oval caves like the one in Unwound Future, it's more like a series of corridors that go deep under the whole city. Also it is HUGE, like only 0,5% is open to visitors and this is already 1,7km/1,1 mile !! The best part ?? This 0,5%. It's actually an ossuary (Known as Les Catacombes de Paris). This place is very popular, people love to go there, and it's already been the setting of many many books- so why not you know ? Even though I know you couldn't/shouldn't build a mecha there (no room for it and you'd be destroying a real 18th century monument) + this doesn't really look like the future lol

But you could TOTALLY adapt the story so that Layton and Luc have to go to the Catacombs and then you have a sick setting and you could have booby traps, a not-so-subtle-but-very-cool life or death mood, and above all. You can have Clive being a madman spending all of his time six feet under in the catacombs. Gloomy. Upsetting ? Fun !!

Also the mecha should totally be on that stupid island in the middle of Paris. That or you replace the lighthouse by the Eiffel Tower.

[neverheardnothing]

thanks for the tag @willroland :)

why did you choose your url?

well i grew up on the internet in the early 2010s so i was obsessed with starkid which lead to musical theater in general which lead to dear evan hansen which lead to will roland which lead to be more chill which lead to joe iconis and that hasn’t lead anywhere else because i’m so far up this man’s ass he could tell me to jump and i’d give him 5 million dollars for a bloodsong of love revival. anyway. funny enough it was because i was so up will roland’s ass that i gave joe iconis’ music outside of bmc a chance (back when he tweeted out a thread of joe iconis songs the night before the tonys). and he was right. he has taste even if all i see from him nowadays is globe twitter. anyway. never heard nothing (along with the bar song, try again, and last on land) is the quintessential joe iconis song in my humble opinion. but also my opinion is backed up by joe so. i’ll just let him say it.

here’s a link to the song. listen to it if you have any interest in joe iconis and his work.

any side blogs? if you have them, name them and why you have them

yeah this is actually a sideblog. my main is @cockbiteproductions which is personal + rooster teeth. every day i want to throw rocks at mcyt fans but i myself am a rooster teeth fan and so my house is very glass and breakable. and then there’s marvel @sebastianskywalker (can you guess who was excited by the idea of sebastain stan playing young luke? lol). star trek @jimtiberivskirk. star wars @fulcrumahsoka. anime @kvchiki. and that’s the important ones. i use this one and my main the most though. which is already almost not at all these days.

how long have you been on tumblr?

hahahahahaha. 2012. fuck.

do you have a queue tag?

yeah it’s “swiss fucking queue” which is from when michael jones says “swiss fucking cheese goddammit” in his impossible game rage quit. everyone on my main gets it but i hope anyone who sees it on my sideblogs gets confused because it’s the same queue tag across all my blogs.

why did you start your blog in the first place?

i was about to say “well my first blog was fandom” and then i realized that applies to literally all of them. so yeah. fandom. i generally make a sideblog when i want to make new fandom friends because none of my current friends are into the thing i am into. it works well.

why did you choose your icon/pfp?

will roland. because will roland. when my bio said “joe iconis and will roland” it wasn’t lying. but anyway i like projecting on characters wrol plays.

why did you choose your header?

it’s off this set lol. same photoshoot as the one from my icon.

what’s your post with the most notes?

lol it’s this shit gifset i made of nik dodani as jared in the deh movie trailer. he actually reposted a video of him scrolling through it on his insta story. which is unfortunate because it looks like shit. i usually have flux on while using any device and i turned it off while making this but i guess my brain is just fucked about it now because it’s 1. way not bright enough 2. way too yellow. ugly as shit.

how many followers do you have?

on this blog? uh i think getting close to 400 idk tho. idc. i just come here to scream about musical theater i rarely care about clout.

how many people do you follow?

idk around 750. a girls gotta sustain like 5 different blogs. that + never using tumblr anymore means i never see what anyone posts ever unless i go to their blog directly lol.

have you made a shitpost?

this blog is 1/3 shitpost 1/3 rando reblogs 1/3 ranting about joe iconis shit no one else cares about

how do you feel about ‘you need to reblog this’ post?

im spiteful so it’s an immediate no reblog from me. but i also dont really blog about social justice or anything much anymore. so unless a post has drastically altered how i think about a topic for the better i dont reblog it.

do you like tag games?

yeah! they’re fun. i’ll take any opportunity to talk about myself. + i generally learn something about the person who tagged me.

do you like ask games?

yeah! i get too anxious about reblogging them though lol i dont want people to think i want attention even though im an evil little attention whore.

which of your mutuals do you think is tumblr famous?

famous? on this sideblog? no one lol. not necessarily famous but @nothingunrealistic is probably one of the people that has the most longevity in the deh fandom on here so they have a decent amount of followers from that i assume. @unproduciblesmackdown and @kkamikazed also draw good fucking art so they get clout like that lol. i think @annabelle--cane is also like. decently large? idk. no one in this tiny niche subsection of musical theater tumblr is really tumblr famous though. that’d be a nightmare lol. wait there might be one person i think that’s a sideblog but i can’t remember who lol.

do you have a crush on a mutual?

thank fucking god no. could you imagine?

well i already mentioned @nothingunrealistic​ @unproduciblesmackdown @kkamikazed and @annabelle--cane earlier so i guess them. only if yall wanna tho. also @talkfine​ @rovermcfly​ if yall wanna do this. and anyone who wants to talk about themself go for it.

[dazais-guardian-angel]

Time for my feels dump thoughts on Diabolical Box...! y’all, this game. this game. I don’t think people give it enough credit for... a lot of what it does, despite the messiness of the plot reveals... but it’s so special and unique, in ways I’m only now appreciating. also this is gonna be really REALLY fucking long I am so sorry, but I have a Lot to say about the ending parts... i just love this game so much...... so i wrote a fucking novel bc of course i did.

also i played this in October, completely unintentionally, so that’s noice.

The amount of voice acting and cutcenes in this compared to CV is amazing, I love it so much, even if it is funny sometimes the dialogue they choose to voice and then abruptly cut off a few lines later.

I had COMPLETELY forgotten about Luke jumping on Chelmey and trying to rip his face off and it’s just the funniest fucking thing omg; Hershel in the background going “NO LUKE THAT’S HIS FACE” is comedic gold.

Will we ever know what Hershel was going to say when Chelmey asked him what Luke’s relationship to him was... dammit Luke why’d you have to cut him off.

Hershel calling the hamster “generously proportioned” is amazing. also “I’ve always said that helping rodents in need is among the duties of every true gentleman” Hershel... please tell me what other situations have made you say that... please...

Why is there an entire subplot about finding this Karen’s dog, just to make Chelmey look like even more of an idiot? if they needed to pad the game out more, they definitely could have done it with flashbacks or in places that I’m... ahem... emotionally invested in

Flora’s treatment in this game is so infuriating to me, like... why did they think this was a good idea? What was the point of bringing her into the plot for NO other reason than to be kidnapped and impersonated? Was it literally just because they needed a way for Hershel and Luke to run into Don Paolo and get the box back from him??? Why couldn’t, idk, Katia run into him in Dropstone and get the box from him and save Flora, that would still get the box to her and keep Flora in the group, and it would tip them off to Katia being related to all this even earlier, and Don Paolo could still be shown there if he absolutely has to make an appearance in each game. I know it’s because he has to be built up and then revealed, and because Hershel always has to have a dramatic point-n’-reveal every game, but whyyyyyy does it have to be at the expense of Flora. :))))) It would have been interesting to see her reactions to Folsense and Anton and everything, and not have Katia be the only female involved in all this; maybe she could, you know, actually have a personality!! hahaaaa who am I kidding...

beluga: “it’s already been a year since she passed away” me: whythehellyoucryingsodamnloud.jpg

Anderson talking about Dropstone and the sacrifices made to found it and how it can’t die out like “other towns”... with the song playing... whythehellyoucryingsodamnloud.jpg

The sheer coincidence of Katia going to Folsense on the same day that Hershel and Luke would end up in Dropstone and then there, and on the 50th anniversary of the town... not a likely one.

Didn’t some versions of the game come with a real version of the train ticket to Folsense? I want it D:

i also want a real Elysian Box, like can i commission someone to make one minus the whole you know actual gold, please, i’ll pay aNYTHING- *sobs*

LUKE HOW COULD YOU FORGET THAT HERSHEL IS AN ARCHEOLOGIST, AFTER ALL THE ARCHEOLOGICAL SHIT YOU’VE BEEN THROUGH

Hershel to “Flora”: “you’re as white as a sheet!” Don Paolo, minutes ago while the others aren’t looking: *furiously powdering his face mask or some shit*

Why was Anton’s diary lying in the street though... it doesn’t make sense that Katia or Beluga would have it, and they couldn’t open it anyhow. probably just a gameplay thing that should go unquestioned but I want to knowwww lol. Also wish Hershel and Luke had reactions to the entries.

Ilyana tho. Also bootleg Clive asdfghjkl

I LOVE THE TOWER OF HANOI PANCAKE PUZZLES

Am I the only one who doesn’t understand the obsession with the tea set... like yeah it’s fun to serve tea when you actually get it right, but I’m stuck with like two recipes missing and getting frustrated just trying and trying countless ingredient combinations on end because some of the npcs are NOT helpful enough in telling what to make :))))

Obviously Katia can’t reveal anything or say anything about why she’s there at all to keep the suspense till the end, but it would have been cool to see her working together with them and making a plan to get into the castle and help Anton aka I just wanted more scenes with Anton being nice and not flying into a rage over a misunderstanding ugh

It’s honestly pretty impressive some of the deductions/connections Chelmey makes in this game, despite his... other incredibly stupid ones lol

“iSnT iT oBvIoUs?”

WHY DOES HERSHEL RISK KILLING LUKE (AGAIN) WITH THE BOX. And why tf does it not do anything to them since they assumed it would...?

The biggest mystery of the series is how Pavel gets where he does, truly

The music in the forest is truly one of the best osts, god I love it. I also adore the Herzen Castle ost now, I never really noticed it before but it is WONDERFULLY creepy and heavy and melancholic and just... idk, those harpsicords go hard. damn.

Opening the Elysian Box is the best puzzle in the series, because of the meaning behind it. Or at least, it’s my favorite for that reason :^)

Alright folks so I’m gonna be completely, unabashedly honest here, and reveal myself to be the superficial, shallow fucker I am lmao: Anton is super hot and I’m still attracted to him even now, and I hate that we get so little time with younger him dklslskdfkflssd I AM SORRY I CAN’T HELP IT OKAY. BLAME THE VOICE ACTOR, HE HAD NO RIGHT TO SOUND SO UNEXPECTEDLY DEEP AND INCREASE ANTON’S HOTNESS LEVEL BY 1000%... just. god damn. damn. the dining room scene. the lighting. the way he puts his hands down and closes his eyes at one point. the way he says Herzen. the freaking sass with “chalk it up to my bad taste then.” the little clap. his entire design which just oozes Victorian era anime bishie beauty. kudos to the character designer who was like “well they said make someone cool and handsome and i wasn’t sure what to do but i tried and i guess it worked out” GOOD SIR BOY DID YOU SUCCEED. how dare this man turn me on so much, fUCK. And I know it’s super shitty of me to not like his old design as much!!! but just!!! why the beak nose.... why.... he was so gorgeous and then you give him the Bronev nose treatment..... i’m already so sad over the ending but you make him look so much sADDER, THE SADDEST POSSIBLE DESIGN FOR OLDER ANTON. It’s not that I mind him being old, I just wish he looked more like himself... there didn’t need to be such a drastic change. But I know I’m just being petty lmao. anyway stan Anton for most beautiful PL character always 🙏 Descole and Clive’s hotness have nothing on this man

*ahem* But to get back to serious topics, replaying this now when I’m older, with the ones after it in mind, I think I finally realize why this game stands out to me so much from the others, making it my favorite. To put it as best I can, Diabolical Box, to me at least, just has a different feel from all the other PL games. Yes, it’s still definitely a Layton game, you still investigate a mystery, there’s still puzzles everywhere, it still has a relaxing city or country feel to the atmosphere, there’s still lots of charm, but once you hit Folsense and the climax and the ending reveals, the tone sort of... shifts? Not drastically, but enough that’s different from any point in all the other games that I can remember; I feel like Last Spector might have the closest kind of atmosphere to Folsense at certain parts, but even then the plot of that game is nowhere near to having the same tone as this one. Diabolical Box, when you really look close at it and think about it, is dark. Dark in a way that none of the other games are, despite the darkness some of the others do have. And I think part of that is because almost every other game/movie is connected to the overarching story involving Hershel’s past and people involved with him, and so the drama and angst is very much grounded in London or other places Hershel would be/was, and in his time, but Diabolical Box is unique in that the story and characters in it have nothing to do with him. And to reflect this, Anton and Sophia’s story is based in the early 1900′s, the Victorian era, in a city so far separated from, again, everything to do with Hershel, that if you were to just watch their story by itself and take the professor and Luke out of it, and you knew nothing about the series, you could reasonably argue that it isn’t from a Professor Layton game at all. What I mean is that Anton’s story could be an entire anime all on its own surely it’s not obvious how badly I want that, nope, not at all, completely separate from this series, and it would work; it could be its own period era-esque drama series, still with all the supernatural shit intact later on. I can think of a few existing anime similar to what I’m imagining. 

And I really do think it would be amazing, because like I said this story is terribly, terribly dark, and sad; as a PL game, like a lot of the other ones, it can’t go deep into the nitty gritty of what makes Anton’s story so fucking depressing, but just like... Imagine it. Imagine being alone, for so long in that castle, so long that you don’t even know how long it’s been anymore, with virtually no one, after having your heart broken and being abandoned by the person you loved the most, and who you thought loved you, and getting no closure about it. This long post goes a ton of detail about Anton’s character and things he was probably feeling/reasons for his behavior, but in short, Anton’s mother is never mentioned, so combined with how distant he was from his father and the fact that he feels alone in his role in society and that no one truly sees him as a real person, it’s quite possible that he clung to Sophia unconsciously as a mother figure, and, in general, she was the only person who made him feel seen, and loved. The only exception was Beluga, but Beluga leaves the town and Anton behind after quarreling with their father, so... It’s just extremely apparent when you read the diary entries and his dialogue (with the voice acting) that Anton was always alone and terribly insecure, and that Sophia made him the happiest he ever was - and so her leaving him was devastating to him. He was alone for fifty years (and who knows how long it actually felt, to him), in a lonely castle and emptying town, his entire family either left or dead, his body slowly aging without him even knowing it, while he had a daughter and granddaughter born without even knowing it, and all the while he’s left with the misunderstanding that Sophia might have loved someone “better” than him all along, never getting answers, having to live with all that grief and guilt and blame and jealousy and self-hatred over a situation that wasn’t even entirely true. Imagine what your MENTAL STATE would be like, jfc it’s a miracle he’s as sane as he is in the game!! Not to mention everything that crashes down on him within TEN MINUTES AT THE END. Yes, Unwound Future and the prequels very purposefully heap the angst on with Clive/Dimitri and Descole respectively, like “we are trying so hard to make you feel for this guy cry cry cry” and I fall for it like the trash i am love them too, don’t get me wrong, but Anton’s tragedy is much more understated but in my opinion is by far the absolute saddest of them all. I just... i’m crying y’all, this poor man. give him a fucking HUG. Anton Did Nothing Wrong 2k20; he doesn’t even hurt the people he lures in with his vampire scheme!! he lets them go without a scratch!!! what a guy... give him a hug and blankets please i love him so much, him and Sophia- *sobs*

and also as a side note, I honestly think Descole/Desmond would fit perfectly into this game for a lot of these reasons, in the trend of “trying to fit Descole into the first trilogy”; he’s got the right Aesthetic™ for one thing, but mainly just he and Anton have a LOT in common...! actually, now that I think about it, Randall and Anton do too, but I much prefer the notion of Descole and Anton interacting. honestly, I’m toying with the idea of an AU where Desmond and resurrected Aurora end up in Folsense and solve that mystery themselves instead of Hershel and Luke; i think it’d be fascinating.

However, by the same token, as much as I LOVE this game and characters for all of those reasons... it also makes no fucking sense ahaha. How the FUCK does the gas work. The illness that started killing people when the ore was first unearthed and is the reason everyone starts leaving, is THAT from the gas I assume?? but like why?? cause eventually it just turns to making the town appear as it was years ago and keeping people young, so...? ARE ALL THE TOWNSPEOPLE NOT ACTUALLY THERE, OR THEY ARE AND ARE JUST YOUNG LIKE ANTON; I’m still not clear on this!! because Hershel at the end says they’re illusions, and yet when you talk to the npcs so many of them complain about being tired and feeling old, so what is the truth!! It would make sense if newcomers see the town as it is in the pictures, but there’s no reason for them to not age... in fact, I don’t understand where the not aging thing comes from at ALL, since if the idea is that the gas makes what you think will happen happen, how tf did that even come about in the first place??? There’s no way everyone who inhaled the gas would think the exact same things and have the exact same hallucination. And if fifty years passed in reality, how long did it feel like to Anton/others; surely it couldn’t have been that long if they never questioned why they weren’t aging? If the gas in the box put Schrader in a coma, what was his theory about what would happen? Why does nothing happen to Hershel and Luke upon opening it when they clearly assume something will happen? Related to other things, how does the box become the source of a rumor, and how does Schrader even get it? Do people just assume Anton is dead or otherwise gone, or do they know/assume he’s still in the castle but don’t try to see him because of the vampire? Does Beluga know Anton is still there, if he does it’s pretty shitty of him to ignore him, and why does he think the box has to do with the fortune of all things if he possibly knew Sophia wanted it and knew it had something to do with her and Anton (seriously I don’t understand Beluga, I really wish they’d done more with him; he looks so shitty even if you give him the benefit of the doubt and assume he knew the least amount possible)??? Did Sammy know that the drugged flowers related to getting into Folsense? Did Katia know how to get into Folsense, and what was she planning to do if she never found the box in order to prove she was who she said she was? Why do some of the npcs act like they know the deep dark secret of Folsense and keep saying Hershel and Luke don’t need to know, and keep talking about the town being cursed, like do they really know the truth?? Or not??? LEVEL-5 I HAVE SO MANY QUESTIONS AND I’M TOO DUMB TO FIGURE OUT THE ANSWERS. EVEN LAYTON VS. WRIGHT’S STUPID REVEALS MAKE MORE SENSE THAN THIS AAAAAHHHH

anyway DB best game anton hot Even with all the weirdness though that makes this game the most Layton the Layton series has ever Layton’d lmao, I still love Diabolical Box so damn much. I love it so much, guys. It’s not part of a huge narrative, it’s not connected to the main characters; it tells its own little story and it does that perfectly. It’s so unique from all the rest, like I said, the plot has so much depth I don’t really see talked about, Anton and Sophia’s story is so beautifully tragic and underrated on a mature level that none of the other games really reach, and despite how upset I am we don’t get to see more of them, their love story is so impactful and emotional just from what little we do see, despite some of the oddities of how it plays out... they’re so sweet together and I cry so damn much over them ಥ⌣ಥ Iris is one of the most beautiful and touching songs in the series, too, and my favorite. And I’m a sucker for the Victorian era and cute romance lmao, so it just gets me like nothing else does... it’s so wonderful. saddest PL game, I will die on this hill. Even if I seem to talk a lot more about some of the other games/characters simply because there’s more content to talk about and there’s more to say about the more flawed content. you can’t improve perfection *chef’s kiss*, deep down, I think, this game will always be my favorite. ❤️

[jenniferladybug]

Essay Wars - it’s a doozy

Last night my friend got in a texting debate about the story structure and character developments of Star Wars (a majority of it Kylo Ren). Well, what started off as my vigorous texting writing turned into full-blown essay responses. 

Alright, let’s get into how this actually happened.

First, I was so excited about The Rise of Skywalker Final Trailer and I began to sing praises for Kylo Ren/Bendemption. My friend did not like that...so I whipped out the big guns. 

I began to send scattered texts about certain things, mostly pertaining to:

Kylo Ren was turned to the dark side before he was even born via Bloodline, where Leia describes a dark presence over her womb.

Someone must be impersonating Darth Vader when Kylo goes to the Vader mask for advice.

Leia and Han were emotionally neglectful/did not know how to raise their son in the right way, mixed with brainwashing lead to Kylo Ren.

The Jedi are not good for the galaxy (yes, yes I know, but see my explanation down below...if you last that long)

Kylo wants to let the past die and start fresh with a new ‘order’, leave behind the Sith, Jedi, First order etc.

I also rambled on about a few other things in separate texts, but that is the gist of it.

So, in response to my scattered texts I received this from my friend Sammy, and oh boy was I ready:

So, let’s start with the story of Ben. The dark side since before he was even born thing is interesting and the fact that he’s been influenced his entire life by it is something they should have made much more clear in the films. That’s actually one of the problems I have with this new expanded universe- it just seems like damage control for the movies. The Previous EU EXPANDED everything, giving backstory to the characters we know and understand, in addition to secondary characters. Hell, they even gave us new characters as well but they never negated or changed the meaning of the films which is the bread and butter of the franchise, so if this super important info is coming from the book I think that’s just silly. You really shouldn’t have to read the novel iteration to understand what the movie did a bad job of interpreting. But I digress, that is some crucial info…

The Vader mask scene and the theory that it’s someone else like Snoke who has been pretending to be Vader is interesting, and I buy that, but like…Kylo didn’t know Vader was redeemed? Did Luke, Leia, Han, Chewy, Lando, Akbar, Wedge, or like literally anybody else form the Rebellion forget to tell him that? Big yikes.

IMO, feeling “misunderstood and neglected by his parents” isn’t a valid excuse for him to kill his own dad and being ok with his mom getting bombed to hell. Idk, you can ask why it’s ok for us to forgive Vader through his redemption arc but I think comparing his experiences to Kylo’s is like comparing apples to oranges. Vader was a BAD guy, but he ended up doing the ultimate GOOD thing in the end, and then the prequels fleshed out how he became bad intangible way, which to be fair, Kylo doesn’t have. But still, this is why most fans don’t take him seriously.

About the Jedi not being good- I challenge your credentials. “For a thousand generations the Jedi knights have been the guardians of peace and justice for the Old Republic”, then they were hunted down and everything turned to shit. And both in this canon and the previous one, it’s wildly considered that the few thousand years preceded the events of the movies things were super peaceful all things considered when the Jedi were in charge…and the Sith traditionally only operates in agents of 2. So how come everything was so peaceful for a thousand generations when there were a million Jedi and 2 Sith…ying yang in this case is bollocks.

And if Kylo really wants to “Start fresh”, why’d he start by becoming Supreme Leader of like the Star Wars version of ISIS? This is something we’ll need to find out in this next movie. I agree, his motive is to dismantle the Jedi and Sith way and create something else entirely, but the second Rey says “nah” he goes back to how he was. It’s not looking good.

The George Lucas rhyme thing lets not forget he’s talking about Episode 1 which was arguably one of the worst Star Wars movies made and he ended it with “hopefully it’ll work” and then grimaces…IDK bud lmao. And I doubt back in 1977 he knew there was going to be an episode 9 because he didn’t even know what he just made was Episode 4! It definitely was never a 9 episode arc from the get-go. Now, I know for certain after the prequels he had another trilogy in mind, and when he sold the rights to Disney he did hand them his drafts and notes, but even Bob Iger, CEO of Disney, admitted in his new book, they didn’t follow those drafts AT ALL. LIKE NOTHING. And he said that George felt betrayed. This idea of a new trilogy is something that was created in 2012, but I suspect they have been making this up as they went. After this last movie, Disney scrambled to get JJ Abrams back and figure out how they were going to get everything back on track. Daisy Ridley herself said JJ wrote a story for each of the 3 new movies, but Rian ended up created his own completely. I think that alone shows that production for these movies has been inconsistent, I don’t buy this was all part of some 9 series plan with a definitive beginning, middle, and end from the get-go.

Not sure what Rey’s lineage is, we’ll find out for sure in this next movie. I read one theory that Palpatine created her sorta through the force like many people think he did with Anakin.

So that was what I was up against.

Let’s take a brief moment to appreciate this:

Okay now that that is done...great. 

My turn! 

Now, I wrote my response (copied below) at top speed in about an hour, so maybe some of the things I say start sounding rushed or not as fleshed out as they should be. But I cracked my knuckles and gave it a go:

I am the first one to advocate for a film to have the ability to ‘stand-alone’ in any particular universe, whether it be Marvel, DC, Hunger Games, and Star Wars. By introducing a backstory for Leia’s pregnancy and hers and Han’s marriage in ‘Bloodline’, LucasFilm is doing just that: giving a backstory. In both The Force Awakens and The Last Jedi, there is proof that Snoke is the one pulling the strings when it comes to young solo. In the first film, Leia is quoted saying to Han, “There’s still light in him I know it! No. It was Snoke. He seduced our son to the dark side”, and in the second film Luke is quoted as saying, “Snoke had already turned his heart”. It is made apparent that ‘Kylo Ren’ is the production of Snoke, and Ren suffers abuse both mental and physical from his master. Though this changes when Kylo finally becomes free of the shackles Snoke once had on him when Ren slices him in half. The look of shock and release on Ren’s face when he realizes what he’s done says it all. Who are we to judge someone who is freshly out of the control of their captor? By just watching the films it is clear that Kylo Ren is not fully in control of his actions and he is being manipulated consistently as shown by the quotes above. When having that manipulation in conjunction with the neglect of a parental figure, then you get the full-blown reality that is Kylo Ren.

Feeling “misunderstood and neglected by his parents” is a valid excuse for turning to the Darkside in the world of a fictional fairy tale. Keep in mind we are not in a reality where this is okay, yet the world in which Star Wars exists allows such things to be redeemable and explainable. Take for example when Padme knew about Anakin killing younglings; she wanted him to still come home because she ‘loved’ him. If he had turned back to the light at that moment she would have most likely accepted him back. It is a danger of the force. They are not dealing with everyday normal emotions; the force, as well as the genre of the franchise, creates a heightened sense of urgency which is apparent throughout the forty-plus years Star Wars has been around (hell, as long as any fairy tale has been around). When you point out that Vader did the ultimate good thing in the end, do you mean to save his son and push Palpatine down a duct? If so, then this would be his redemption which occurred in the last of the original trilogies. If you are to treat Kylo with the same rules as Vader, then we must give him a chance to ‘do the right thing’, something which the filmmakers have been steadily building his character-arc for. Vader did numbers ‘wrong’ things, some of them much worse than Kylo has done. But yet the audience still chose to respect him, even before the prequels which fleshed out the story of Anakin Skywalker.

Now, you may be correct in that Ben Solo knew of Vader’s redemption, and I misspoke, to which I am sorry. He, in fact, learned of his heritage when he was training with Luke at his academy when he received a letter from his mother. The contents of the letter are unknown, though it is assumed she told him of his heritage when he was in his late teens. This was only because one of her rivals she was campaigning against in the senate threatened to leak the knowledge to the public that Leia was the daughter of the infamous Darth Vader. Ben had no idea before-hand though, so once again we assume that this had some type of impact. Imagine finding out your grandfather was Hitler. Would that be fun? But, since we addressed the fact that external material should not need to be consumed in order for a film to make sense, then we should disregard any idea as to how Ben Solo came to learn of his heritage. It is not mentioned in the films, but it is a widely held belief by many in the fandom that if Kylo Ren knew of his grandfathers’ redemption then he merely took this as a lapse in judgment in his late years (especially since it is hinted to in the films that Ren is speaking to someone via the Vader mask). Perhaps said mask has been telling Ren lies in lieu of the true story of the redemption. But that is speculation. What is not speculation is the line Ren utters in The Force Awakens, “Forgive me. I feel it again... The pull to the light... Supreme Leader senses it. Show me again... The power of the darkness... And I'll let nothing stand in our way... Show me... Grandfather... and I will finish... what you started.” What we can tell from the film is that Ren is in a constant struggle to stay within the dark, and through his words, it is expressed how this warrants forgiveness. The second half of the statement is even more worrying in the fact that Ren says ‘show me again’, referencing a previous time this ‘Vader’ has shown him what the darkness entails. Will we find out in episode nine if there was an imposter (Palpatine?) feeding more lies and brainwashing to Kylo Ren? That means not only was he getting terrible treatment from Snoke, but from his ‘grandfather’ as well. Perhaps this is why in the final trailer for episode nine we see Rey and Ren destroying said helmet. Until the film comes out, this will still be a mystery.

In coming to why I believe the Jedi are bad, I side with Luke Skywalker on this one. As he says in The Last Jedi, “ At the height of their powers, they allowed Darth Sidious to rise, create the Empire, and wipe them out. It was a Jedi Master who was responsible for the training and creation of Darth Vader.” To that, Rey points out that it was also a Jedi who saved him. Which is true! Yet, the rules surrounding the Jedi order are such that allowed for Anakin to search elsewhere for support. True, he was very conflicted, but the Jedi are so extreme that they do not welcome outside opinions or thinking. You are either all light or you’re bad. There is no intermediary. That is why the answer is grey Jedi. I know those exist, and what needs to happen is a yin and yang between the light and the dark. Working together fosters acceptance and love within the galaxy. Even the symbol in the pool of the Jedi Temple in which Luke tucked himself away had a figure in a yin and yang pattern. “Powerful light and powerful dark...a balance”. Yet, any dark whatsoever that the Jedi see they stamp out.

When Anakin says, “If you’re not with me, then you’re against me”, Obi-wan responds with, “Only sith think in absolutes!”. Well, can you see the issue there? Obi-wan is also thinking in absolute. Using the word only further segmented and cast aside Anakin, by labeling him a lost cause. Such a similar thing happened with Kylo Ren and the incident with Luke at the Jedi Academy. The momentary lapse which Luke expressed to Rey was the tipping point. In Ren’s eyes, even his Master saw him beyond saving. And since everyone around him insists on thinking in absolute, then he must be bad according to them, right?

Slowly, Ren is beginning to realize there is another way, something not presently defined within the Star Wars universe. It is not Sith, it is not Jedi, it is not the First Order: it is the ‘new order’ which he proposes to Rey. Yet, he is not ready for redemption yet. The entire point of the scene was for Rey to realize that Kylo Ren cannot be saved by anyone but himself. This is a very powerful message and I am quite looking forward to seeing how his self-realization occurs in Episode Nine. Now, keep in mind that he had banked everything on Rey saying yes, and in his mind, she is “Still. Holding. ON!”, which she is, and he is right that it is holding her back. How can you expect someone from a family of yelling, angry people to get it right the first time? In fact, Adam Driver had to ask Rian Johnson if Kylo Ren had ever kissed a girl before. Kylo is not experienced in this ‘love’ world. He did not receive much love language from his absentee parents, so the only relationship he’s known for most of his teen and adult life is that of Snoke and General Hux. At that moment in which he wakes up to realize she is gone is one of abandonment and rejection. He thought he had found his match, the answer to his loneliness, and she snapped his lightsaber in two. He is basically throwing a grownup temper-tantrum, which is blatantly apparent in the standoff with Luke. When Kylo threatens everything, even ‘destroying’ Rey, Luke claims that everything Kylo says is “a lie”. It is clear in the last few moments of the film when Kylo is defeated and on his knees holding his father’s die that the audience begins to realize his anger was all a facade. In that shot, he is merely a lost and lonely boy realising the path he has chosen is wrong. The final force-bond between Kylo and Rey exhibits every one of those notions. There is no anger in his face, not very ‘destroy-ee’ of him, and he looks up with her with an almost longing. But when she sternly shuts the door on him, once again he is left alone, the die slowly fading from his gloved hand.

If that doesn’t sound like poetry then I don’t know what is! George Lucas was quoted saying in the behind the scenes of the prequels, “You see the echo of where it all is gonna go. It’s like poetry, sort of. They rhyme.” Similar themes and sequences occur within the franchise, and they have kept that alive at Disney Lucas Films, especially in regards to the parallels drawn between Anakin/Padme and Kylo/Rey. They even designed their respective costumes in a similar fashion. Kylo has his mother and father’s anger and stubbornness. They had a rough idea of where it was all going to go. And in regards to JJ Abrams and Rian Johnson, JJ Abrams was an executive producer on Episode 8 and had a say in the general outline of the plot. JJ had set up the relationship between Kylo and Rey in The Force Awakens, and Rian continued along that path. He followed the skeleton needed to get the plot from 7-9. But think about it, Disney would not allow Rian to just veer off the path completely. Yes he had some creative license but within parameters. Sometimes I don’t think people understand the workings of a large corporation with creative decisions. On a project like Star Wars there is always input from the higher-ups. In addition, JJ Abrams auditioned potential Kylo Ren actors with the script from Pride and Prejudice (Mr. Darcy of course). This is made clear in the writing decisions and parallels which have been made for that particular character.

Lastly, would you really want George Lucas at the helm of this new trilogy? People thought the prequels were terrible and Lucas went back and digitally altered the originals against the will of fans. He is not technically the best when it comes to scriptwriting (Exhibit A: “I hate sand, it gets everywhere!”) Also, Mark Hamill was interviewed in the early ’00s and said, "You know, when I first did this, it was four trilogies. 12 movies! And out on the desert, any time between setups...lots of free time. And George was talking about this whole thing. I said, 'Why are you starting with IV, V and VI? It's crazy.' [Imitating Lucas grumble,] 'It's the most commercial section of the movie.'” Yes, the first film was a stand-alone, since they had no idea they would receive any further funding. But then the immense success allowed for Lucas to develop the franchise further.

What I think people tend to forget is that Star Wars is a fairy tale, and it is not supposed to be about ‘a mass murder’ who is going to jail. It is supposed to be about redemption at its very heart. George Lucus had expressed that he intended Star Wars as a series for “twelve-year-olds”. This explains things like Jar Jar Binks and other bizarre choices he has made as a creator. Though this explains a lot of why most of the people who hate the franchise now are angry adults online who live in an overly politically correct world judging a fictional character who is in the middle of a character arc. As JJ Abrams had said in the director's commentary of The Force Awakens, “We looked at it like […] a fairy tale. What are the elements that you’re going to see that makes it this genre, this specific genre? […] You’re probably going to have a castle, and a prince and a princess, if you’re looking at a fairy tale. We wanted to give these fundamental, not cosmetic, but prerequisite elements.”

Okay, I’ve talked too much. I am going to end it there for now. Thank you for coming to my Ted Talk.

Haha hope that was entertaining and that sparked some thinking and inspiration. I know I let my keyboard run away from me and please excuse the odd typo from time to time. Let me know your thoughts.

I mean just look at that beautiful man.

Love you all!

[5-seconds-of-reject]

Normal Life- Luke Hemmings

A/N: not my gif || also this is my first story and I might make it into a series of you all like it idk though. Also I don’t think Luke acts how I’m going to portray him in the beginning this is simply fiction. :))

Summary: Y/N and Luke bump into each other and he assumes she’s a fan but she doesn’t know him.

Warnings: maybe swearing

-

Today was the big day. Y/N had exactly fifteen minutes to make it to the art gallery on time in hopes of hearing that she got the Christmas bonus and not one of her stupid colleagues. To say she was stressed was and understatement not to mention she was twenty minutes away. Y/N was having a rough morning to say the least; she spilled her coffee, her alarms didn’t go off, and now she is running to the gallery because she couldn’t catch a cab and didn’t want to wait for Uber.

“Hey! Watch where y’going will ya?” A man shot at her as she accidentally bumped into them.

“’m so sorry I didn’t mean to bump into I swear!” She apologized then looked up at the tall figure.

“Man people do anything for an autograph now huh?” He scoffed

“Wha-what are you talking about?”

“You bumped into me trying to get an autograph right?”

Y/N simply shook he head and started to take in the mans appearance for the first time.

He was tall, had blonde curls and the most gorgeous blue eyes, anyone including Y/N would die to have. His style was very clean; a button-up shirt tucked into his black skinny jeans and dress shoes. He was undoubtedly beautiful.

“Hey um sorry ‘bout being abit rude I guess I’m kinda on edge today” He spoke again causing you to wonder why you were still there.

“S’okay guess today is just one of those days huh?”

“Yeah uh- so do you know who I am at all or...”

“No, should I?”

The mystery man simply smiled in response and relaxed his shoulders staring into Y/N’s eyes.

“Well if that’s all I should really get going.” She stammered and began turning away.

“WAIT! I’m sorry um wait -please do you maybe want to hangout?”

“I have to get to work plus I don’t even know your name.”

“I’m Luke and how about after work? What time do ya get off?”

“3:30 and that would be lovely,” She smiled,”Oh I’m Y/N by the way and here’s my number”

Y/N took out a pen and began to scribble her number on the inside of Luke’s palm not having enough time to let him take out his phone and properly exchange.

“This better not be fake Y/N”

“It’s not I promise.”

As Luke walked away Y/N was left glowing with newfound happiness for the stranger. But as quickly as it came it passed looking down at her phone and saw she was late for work. She muttered a few profanities under her breath and rushed to the studio. She didn’t know if there was any hope left in getting that bonus.

“Hi, hi everybody sorry ‘m late this guy bumped into and it turned into this big thing and I’m here so what did I miss?” Y/N stammered as she set her things down.

“Well Miss. Y/L/N we are just about to announce who is being awarded this years Christmas bonus now please take a seat.” Y/N’s boss Mrs. Turner spoke.

Y/N took a seat as Mrs. Turner beat around the bush about who got the bonus but finally she announced the name.

“Y/N I am awarding you this years bonus despite your hiccup this morning. Make sure you are on time everyday or don’t come at all. That is all for today’s meeting now everyone get to work we have a showing in two days.”

You smiled as you existed the meeting and walked to the main floor to start setting up. Quite frankly you thought you didn’t deserve the bonus because of what happened this morning however your boss obviously felt differently.

“Wow Y/N still managed to get that damn bonus you didn’t deserve in the first place huh? What did you do black mail Mrs. Turner?” Your co-worker James asked with a smug look on his face.

You hated James with all your heart he was an entitled prick and loved to get under your skin. You never did anything to provoke his behavior besides maybe turning him down from a date but other than that you’ve always been pleasant.

“I don’t feel like dealing with you today so could you please get the stick out of your ass and walk away” You shot back

“Damn feisty aren’t we.” He laughed then walked away but you knew he would come back again.

You sighed and grabbed two paintings to hang them in their desired locations. Most of today was just going to be hanging the paintings that you all have been planning to showcase for weeks. This might’ve been one of the most important showcases yet. A lot of your co-workers including yourself have submitted their own art to be shown for some band. They were apparently looking for inspiration for their album art and I guess it was a big deal for everyone else but you personally didn’t know anything about them.

Once you were done setting up and finished everything that you could for the day you grabbed you things and left. You loved your job because if you finished what you needed you could leave and you always managed to get out by 3:00. However when you left you didn’t really want to go home and instead opened up you phone and looked for the nearest Starbucks. You really should’ve known where it was considering you’ve lived in the same place you’re whole life but there are too many to keep track of so have a gps is nice sometimes.

As you walked into the Starbucks you noticed a familiar blonde and smiled softly. You thought you might never see him again despite him having your phone number but you didn’t expect him to ever really use it.

“S’cuse me is this seat taken?” You giggled and his eyes went wide and looked up at you.

“Actually believe it was reserved for you.” He smirked and you sat down across from him.

It was silent for a bit as you to relished in each other’s company. Not knowing much about each other you both didn’t know where to start but eventually Luke brought up the amazing idea of 20 questions.

“Luke I’m so bad a coming up with question other than ‘what’s your favorite color’ and ‘where do you wish to live’ it’s quite embarrassing.”

“You’ll be fine plus it’ll be a great way for us to be more comfortable around each other I promise this will be fun.”

“Okay fine.”

20 questions ended up turning into 50 and soon enough you felt as though you’ve known Luke your whole life.

“Okay one final question. What do you do for a living?” You asked and toons sip of the coffee Luke so generously bought you.

“Um well me and a few of my mates are in a band.” He said nervously looking down at his hands.

“That’s so cool I’d love to hear you play some time if that’s okay?”

“Yeah maybe sometime.”

[roxannepolice]

idk, i guess i don't think a storyline where rey 'does what needs to be done' and the audience only realizes afterwards that she was wrong would land very well. maybe if rey's absolutism was framed as bad from the beginning of a duel where she kills kylo. but if the narrative makes it look like rey needed to kill kylo until she kills him, that really underserves his redemption arc: i feel like his redemption shouldn't just be an 'in hindsight, he was turning good' realization for the audience.

Forgive me, thesis, for I am weak…

I’m planning to run a more sytematic research on the language used in Star Wars throughout the episodes, but the general impression I’m sure of is: the sequel trilogy is textually much more black and white than the previous ones, while simultaneously much grayer on the subtextual level. Here’s a thing - adjectives/epiteths used in the opening crawls:

TPM: galactic republic, trade routes, greedy trade federation, outlying star systems, alarming situation, two Jedi Knights the guardians of peace and justice in the galaxy

ANH: civil war, rebel spaceships, secret base, evil galactic empire, secret plans, ultimate weapon, armored space station, sinister agents, stolen plans that can save her people (ooops…) and restore freedom to the galaxy

TFA: sinister first order, Skywalker the last jedi, brave resistance, desperate to find her brother Luke and gain his help in restoring peace and justice to the galaxy, most daring pilot, secret mission, old ally

SINISTER first order? BRAVE resistance? MOST DARING pilot? WHY ARE YOU TELLING ME THIS? Mind you, when ANH first came out people had no idea who will be who, so information “evil galactic empire” is plain helpful in placing the pieces on the chessboard, “guardians of peace and justice in the galaxy” applies to some 15 years before jedi gloriously f*cked up this job, while telling me fo rose from the empire is basically mentioning a Dalek in later Doctor Who seasons. 

Opening crawls in TPM and ANH provide proper information about the chessboard, yes, including who plays whites and who blacks, but TFA practically informed me whom I should like and dislike and who’s gonna win and who’s gonna lose before first line of dialouge has been spoken… unless there’s some table turning in store, since the subtext tells me quite a different story (a good stormtrooper? an evil Skywalker? good guys and bad guys both fuelling destructive war machine?). 

The thing is: if the script is desperate to inform me about the direness of good guys’ situation, which is what it is desperate to do on Crait, and I find myself plain unable to feel tension for them and the next installment reassures me that there indeed was no reason for tension… then it’s poor writing. Now, I get it, maybe it’s all supposed to be even more for children than the previous trilogies, but then why give me patricide and mass nuclear weapon?

Rey’s absolutism hasn’t been presented as something negative, because, first of all, it was far from being hitherto negative, just as Kylo Ben’s compwassion has been far from having bigger consequences - I’m not saying absoultism is the dark side and compassion is the light saide, I would rather say absolutism is a very strong pull to the dark and compassion is the strongest pull to the light. But on a more meta level the entire trilogy is very absolutist in appearances, I would even say gratuitously narcisstic in revelling in how good it is to be good and how bad it is to be bad.  This manicheism in language makes me think epix will introduce something of a circle of hatred - resistance will no longer care if what fo is doing is right or wrong, only assume that what they’re doing is wrong because fo is doing it, pretty much the way audience assumes Kylo Ben is physically incapable of doing anything right so long as he is with fo - and if there is one thing we should know about Rey at this point is that she’s really good at sticking to what she wants to believe in. There’s a good chance the audience would be getting strong hints, perhaps very strong indicators, that Renperor is far from being the worst thing that could have happened to the galaxy - but would it really be so simple for all of the audience and Rey as a parial insert to believe that what they’ve coded as Palpatine 2.0 (or immediately identified as real history dictators, because why not) should live? Now, as I said, there can be nothing to it, maybe we are meant to ignore the subtext and happily jump in on the black and white train, but looking back at what was happening in previous installments, it gives me a strong red light.

So you see, when I say that Rey would realise that it was wrong of her to kill Kylo Ben only after she kills him, I don’t mean that she would realise that it was wrong because he actually wasn’t so evil. I mean a scene eerily similar to Kylo Ben after he killed Han and Luke looking at his ignited lightsaber. It wasn’t about realising Han was actually a perfect dad - he wasn’t - or about realising Ben would never do whatever Luke saw in his vision - he always could though I don’t think he really already wanted. It was about realising the plain wrongness of killing someone they love, ultimate sacrifice of love in the name of “what’s right”, and tbh, the negative backlash Rose saving Finn - a bad decision from a purely strategic viewpoint - got from the audience tells me it’s a very important message to be sent.

But you know, this is all just my angsty love for drama, so thank you for constructive criticism :)

[renaroo]

Wednesday Roundup 15/6/2017

So this is a day late but in my defense I had a ridiculous amount of comics to get through with no one to blame but myself here. And you know what? I genuinely enjoyed almost everything. But does that mean every comic was good this week? And even so what did I think was the best? 

Honestly I don’t know how to write these intros for people who wouldn’t be here to read my opinion anyway so let’s just jump into it. 

Marvel’s All-New Wolverine, Marvel’s Amazing Spider-Man: Renew Your Vows, DC’s Detective Comics, DC’s Gotham Academy: Second Semester, DC’s Justice League of America, Image’s Motor Crush, DC’s Superwoman, IDW’s Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, DC’s Titans, IDW’s Transformers: Salvation, DC’s Wonder Woman

Marvel’s All-New Wolverine (2015-present) #21 Tom Taylor, Leonard Kirk, Cory Hamscher, Terry Pallot, Michael Garland

Okay I need this issue to reread a million times over because there are just so many things I love all at once. Like, oh my gosh. I was almost in tears multiple times because relationships! Healing! Supporting each other!

Wade and Gabby alone could just about make this issue perfect, but then you have Laura and Daken hugging and worried about each other, and Old Man Logan being likable for the first time in any of my readings of him. There’s so much I enjoy, though I find the cover rather deceiving. This is much more of a Howlett family reunion than anything else, though I did enjoy Riri’s parts in it.

I just eriously adore these characters and it meant a lot to see them all come together like they have here and that cliffhanger HURT so much more for it. 

I will nitpick the art a bit because we’ve been doing so good about keeping Laura in the Wolverine costume which is much preferred to her X-23 wardrobes, for sure, but this issue it pretty much looked exactly like one of her old costumes without the midriffs and it was kinda weird. I know she took off a lot of her armor for skin contact but it’s... idk. It was weird. 

The main thing I’m happy about though is that as we go on, I realize that literally all of the Marvel books I’ve kept are going out of their way to not involve themselves in Secret Wars and it’s kind of beautiful. Laura and Gabby are stuck on an island that’s quarantined (and I can pretend Wade’s there with them instead of whatever’s going on since I dropped Deadpool for the summer crossovers, thanks Tom Taylor!), Moon Girl and Devil Dinosaur are literally off world, and the rest are non-616. So yay me!

Marvel’s Amazing Spider-Man: Renew Your Vows (2016-present) #8 Gerry Conway, Ryan Stegman, Jesus Aburtov

For those who don’t know, Mary Jane Watson is genuinely one of my favorite Marvel characters and is easily one of the reasons I ever stuck with the Spider-Man comics for as long as I did was because of my interest in her and wanting to see her and Peter.

I can also thank her for my genuine attraction to redheads probably.

But one of the main reasons that I’ve loved this book so much is because, as written by Gerry Conway, this is the Peter and MJ of my dreams. I love them so much, and the complications that comes from their relationship and from growing older, raising a daughter, and MJ’s desire to continuously be the glue to keep both Peter and Annie together logically causes her to seek out a way to continue being Spinerette without syphoning off Peter’s powers. 

It’s almost like growing old, having a stable relationship, trying to keep things fresh while raising a kid, are all dramatic and worthy of good storytelling in their own right or something HMM.

Anyway, yes it’s completely on the nose where this is going and it’s a little curious how MJ’s not immediately aware of the connection between what’s going on with her right now and the horrible, arguably traumatizing experience she and Peter had, but who knows what’s canon anymore lol

Basically, I sideye a bit from a story point of view, but this series continues to make up for it with the real thing that matters to me: these characters and their development.

DC’s Detective Comics (2016-present) #958 James Tynion IV, Aluaro Martinez, Raul Fernandez, Brad Anderson 

Honestly I really love the slower issues where Tynion takes more time to make moments for the relationships between the characters and give us interractions we didn’t know we wanted -- Kate going with Luke and Jean Paul to a basketball game, Cass and Clayface being adorable by reciting a play, Bruce at a poker game with a bunch of assholes in homage to Almost Got ‘im!? It was a lot of fun honestly. 

...

Okay I take issue with Cass’ dialogue. I know she was repeating lines from a tape and such but it’s weird to see her make so much progress when just two issues ago she was almost monosyllabic. Like... I want to see Cass gradually learning, I want to feel her frustration with hitting walls, I want to see her struggle and achieve despite the struggle because that gradual progression was honestly something we weren’t delivered in the former canon. We have a great opportunity for it here. 

But y’know. I’m particular with Cass and it’s hard to say where her baseline for reading and speech even is in this canon because her dyslexia may be in tact but her circumstances growing up are completely different. So I don’t know. 

Now. I’m a sucker for Bruce and Zatanna team-ups because I’m a schmuck but I’m really excited for next issue. Had a lot of fun with this one. This feels like a decent pace for Tynion -- at least in my opinion. 

DC’s Gotham Academy: Second Semester (2016-2017) #10 Brenden Fletcher, Becky Cloonan, Karl Kerschl, Adam Archer, Massyk, Sandra Hope

This comic is speeding toward an end and I’m not sure if I’m ready! 

From the beginning, for me at least, the selling point for Gotham Academy has been just how much these kids felt like real teenagers and real friends with all their various relationships and connections, platonic or romantic or something in between. And it’s powerful to see that coming to play as an advantage to completing Olive’s arc, but also as a disadvantage since the consequences of many of her actions hurt that much more.

I’ll save a lot of my thoughts for a complete wrap up of the series but overall, very happy and very grateful for the continuously good read that is GA

DC’s Justice League of America (2016-present) Volume 1: Road to Rebirth Steve Orlando, Jody Houser, Ivan Reis, Andy MacDonald, Stephen Byrne, Jamal Campbell, Mirk Andolfo

WE GOTTA GET THE BAND BACK TOGETHER. WE’RE ON A MISSION FROM GAD. 

In all seriousness, I’m a huge fan of Vixen and Ryan Choi as well as a big fan of Justice League International, as it was in its 80s glory. So my interests with this particular lineup were piqued from the beginning and I made myself wait for the first volume to dive in. 

For the most part, this is a team gathering exercise. Characters that have lacked the spotlight in the last few years -- Vixen, Ray, Killer Frost, and the Atom -- were given whole issues to reintroduce them to this continuity. And honestly those issues were great. I really, really love the updated origins for them and feel that they’re a good blend of honoring the past of the characters as well as adapting them for a new world. 

Lobo, Batman, and Black Canary took back seat, but considering that there were already tensions showing within the group, I think it’s safe to assume that giving the spotlight to the rest of the team won’t always last this long. Things are nothing if not explosive among these members.

I really did mean it when I said this is a team gathering exercise, because there’s no first case to unite everyone. There’s not any real antagonists or team-ups we see to speakof. It was just getting hte jLA together. 

And for me it’s enough to get me intrigued, though I’d completely understand if people told me it was far from enough for them. 

Now they just need to add Big Barda, Booster Gold, and Ted Kord and I’ll be satisfied. 

Image’s Motor Crush (2016-present) Vol. 1 Brenden Fletcher, Cameron Stewart, Babs Tarr

I was not the biggest fan of this team’s Batgirl team though I appreciated the aesthetics and what not. There just never seemed to be a storyline that really interested me and I couldn’t be sold on the characterization for Barbara. So I kept hearing about Motor Crush for the last year and was really itnerested in it so I wanted until this volume came out and. 

Well, quite simply, I’m in love.

Tell you what, those biker gangs that kept coming up really confusingly out of place in Batgirl make a hell of a lot more sense now that I can see this team’s actual passion project. 

So I love Motor Crush a lot, I’m really invested in Domino, the mystery that is her origins and the powers of Crush itself. I love her relationship with her ex, Lola, I love her father -- I love just about everything and the cliffhanger really surprised me. 

I will say that while I love having a world that speaks for itself rather than constant narration, it’s a little hard to follow this world entirely, I’d like a bit more explained than what has been, but at the end of the day I’m very excited to see more. 

DC’s Superwoman (2016-present) #11 K. Perkins, José Luís, Ray McCarthy, HI-FI

You know, I have made it clear that I’ve been worried about this title for a while now, really just hoping it was going to find its direction and wow us with the great potential that is the Super Family outside of the main Kent triad. And I feel like that’s for good reason -- the end of Jimenez’s run let a lot of people feeling justifiably scorned, there was a mishandling of a lot of heavy and important subjects that were raised, and at least the initial stuff with Perkins taking over kind of left one wondering if they had a fully formed direction to go toward next. 

But I am really glad that I stuck it out for this long because the family of John, Lana, Nat, and everyone else is so important and so fundamentally different from the dynamics found elsewhere in the new familial renaissance of the DCU that I needed it. And I hope it continues to emphasize these relationships and how important they are to each other.

I’m still unhappy with how anxiety and mental illness is being handled in the title and find it lacking since it was brought up to begin with and now being ignored. That subject alone is making me rethink my disinterest in Green Lantern books as a whole because I have loved and felt inspired so far by what I’ve seen of Jessica Cruz and their handling of anxiety, and it’s why I picked up Silk at the high recommendations of a close friend. 

So I’d like for mental illness to be treated better in this title -- the least it can do after bringing it up and treating it the way it did at the end of Jimenez’s run, but there’s so much value in the non-nuclear family dynamic of the Irons household and of the uniqueness of Lana’s powers and her approach to fighting crime that it’s worth it. For me anyway.

IDW’s Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (2011-present) #70 Kevin Eastman, Tom Waltz, Mateus Santolouco, Ronda Pattison

I knew the end of this storyline was going to be, at the very least, explosive but wow, WOW I had no idea how many twists and turns it was going to take in that time. That was a phenomenal ending to the Mutanimals storyline for the time being, and I just feel so bad for Slash, down to my core. I’m so worried about him, and whenever he will be allowed to recover.

At least I hope he’ll recover.

This series is seventy issues strong and i’m just so blown away by the way they still manage to keep me on the edge of my feet while so many different storylines and character developments are happening at the same time.

I mean, I even feel for Old Hobb here!

I do suppose a complaint I could hold here is that the titular turtles themselves have ultimately not been very front and center throughout this storyline, and that really showed in the conclusion, where for the most part they were lost to the colorfulness of the huge, colorful supporting cast that has been developed over the years. 

For me, personally, I think that’s honestly okay. We can’t have the same story over and over again with only the main four characters driving the narrative, and it’s been a long standing tradition in TMNT for a good 30 years now to sort of embody the concept that our main guys don’t really look for situations to get involved with but sort of fall into them naturally. 

Not to mention it’s probably a strength that 70 issues in, we haven’t once repeated plots or stories or put any of the characters on a loop of development to end up right back where they started. I don’t think the achievement of that can be understated, especially as we near that landmark #75!

DC’s Titans (2016-present) #12 Dan Abnett, Kenneth Rocafort, Dan Brown

Bleh. BLEH. I was holding out judgment on the twist of Wally and Donna and Roy ending up in some kind of love triangle because I wanted the context but honestly the context is kinda... bleh. It would be awesome if we lived in some world and time where Donna’s origins were not constantly retconned and thus the source of her characterization in every run of every thing she showed up in. Which is by no means a new problem but still.

And my opinion is... Wally and Donna are both going through a hard time and Wally is having to accept that his life is fundamentally different from the previous world he knew, that he can’t just badger people into returning things to the way they were -- especially Linda, who he loves but it’s a very one-sided relationship as a result of the parallel universe paradox and stuff. It makes sense to me that in a ploy to gain some sense of control over that, he and Donna both would try to take fate in an unexpected direction, into their own hands. 

But making it a love triangle with Roy just kinda keeps my eyes firmly rolled into the back of my skull. 

I overall like Lilith, Dick, Garth, and Karen’s development and characterization in this issue. I think they’re taking Lilith in interesting directions and I’m really curious about what her omen means for the future, since apparently there’s a traitor among them. And they set up plenty of reasons for various members to be that traitor in this issue but I can’t help but assume already that it’s going to end up being a twist. Good twist or not remains to be seen. 

IDW’s Transformers: Salvation (2017) John Barber, Livid Ramondelli

I’m going to be completely “original” here and say that I’m not a fan of Ramondelli’s at for the various Transformers comics. i know! I know. Shocking, never said before, completely going against the general fandom consensus. I’m such a brave soul. I know. 

Okay, joking aside though... I didn’t think the art was bad in this one-shot. Actually! I’d argue a lot of it was even good. He may not be my favorite artist and I’ll think that his colo gradients are butt ugly most of the time, but there was better handled action sequences than usual, the characters looked like they had weight, and we even got a range of expressiveness in the characters that is... well, frankly, not usual for Ramondelli. 

So other than that shocking revelation, I thought Barber performed good once more on tying the TF universe together again, answering some prior plot points and nicely knotting off loose ends. Trypticon being a Titan is not the biggest revelation in the world, but the development of Sandstorm and the Dinobots was great, and I loved just how devious Starscream truly is under Barber’s pen even though I’ve fully been enjoying the characterization for him in Till All Are One. 

But the most important thing of all: SPARKLINGS. SPARKLINGS. All I’ve wanted for years is baby transformers so I am HAPPY BEYOND BELIEF. THEY’RE NO LONGER A DYING SPECIES AND THESE PRECIOUS BABIES COULD BE BORN WITHOUT EVER KNOWING THE CIVIL WAR AHHHHHHHH

DC’s Wonder Woman (2016-present) #24 Greg Rucka, Bilquis Evely, Romulo Fajardo Jr. 

WOW! I mean, just wow! What a resolution to everything. I have so many emotions for Diana, for Barbara Ann, for even Veronica Cale of all people. Etta and Steve were great, the art was amazing.

It’s just such a relief and such... honestly just an amazing feat that Greg Rucka is beginning to wrap up this just phenomenal run of Wonder Woman 

I really enjoyed how everything turned out and it was so remarkable to see Diana’s resolution to save Veronica but also to not turn her back on her friends and loved ones as well as the torment it is for Barbara to not be able to get into Themyscira after all her life’s work.

And I liked Diana’s assessment of Veronica at the end, it was true and also blunt to the point of cruelty. But fitting also. 

It’s amazing what a turn around I’ve personally felt when it comes to Veronica’s character because in all honesty I was not a fan of her most of the time in the preboot, but Rucka really has fleshed her out and done something unique with her perspective now. There is tragedy but there’s also less deniability for her fault in all of it. 

I’m sad to be coming toward Rucka’s end on the run, but I’m also so happy to see the love and passion he’s put into everything culminating to what it is now.

This is a genuinely hard choice but I think if I go by what tugged on my heartstrings the most, what gave me the most joy overall and just feelings unrelenting from start to finish, I would have to say that my pick of the week is All-New Wolverine. I adore this series and I couldn’t be happier with this issue and how they’re keeping my precious Marvel girls faaaaaar away from Secret Empire. A close second would be Wonder Woman but really I would happily recommend my entire pull this week. It was a geat week for comics.

But that’s just my opinion! I’d love to know your thoughts. Agree? Disagree? Think I missed something I should’ve picked up this week? I’d love to hear from you!

[survivorkomnata]

Episode #2: "Shea is being Sheady" - Stephen W

Hello world! I am quite lucky to be still alive after not being able to socialize adequately with my tribemates and doing the worst in the challenge. I gotta thank the other tribe for sending me to exile.

However I had to stay away from things and missed out on an opportunity to get into a solid early alliance. All the games I have played so far, I have started in comfortable position whereas in this one, I am already finding myself at the bottom and I have to work my way from here. I feel it's going to be a good challenge and I like it. I have to give my best in this challenge and prove my worth and I also really hope my tribe wins this one so that I will have some time to build some relationship and get into a better position.

As far as my tribemates are concerned, I know Ally and Stephen from EM. I have a good relationship with Ally and a pretty decent one with Stephen too. Zach and me have connected really well and he is lovely and great to talk to. These are the 3 that have shown interest in working with me so far. The rest are cool too but I need to have more conversations with them pretty soon.

With the creation of the 'alliance' alliance, I've taken my first major step towards solidifying my bonds. I'm trying to keep things good with everyone on my tribe, because a swap can take me away from all my current allies, but I'm gonna prioritize my current group. My only worry is that I know Ally/Zach are at least somewhat close with Jess because they mentioned talking to her about the Timmy vote yesterday. Jess has given me information though, so I'm starting to feel like I can trust her. I'm just not sure I'm a high priority ally for her. The other guys on the tribe are great, but there seems to be a lack of willingness to talk game. I don't mind talking real life with anyone, but there needs to be a game relationship too, and it feels like I'm the one starting all the conversations regarding game with them.

Day 4!! Yay! I survived the first tribal where Timmy was eliminated. I also got around to talking to Jess and sharing our idol searches in order to reach the idol as fast as possible. Upon his return, I talked to Karthik about everything. He was concerned about what would have happened if he stayed at camp (He probably would have left). I told him that I would have rallied for him and said other tings to win him over. Honestly him going to the basement was the best thing to happen to his game as well as my own because it kept him safe and I got to keep him in the game without rallying for him. Because of me winning him over, he told me about the basement and his basement search!! He didn't find anything though. I'm still working my social game on the tribe. I really want to pull in Liam and keep him close.

I must say that I'm enjoying my time playing my first Discord org. The platform really makes the game easy to format and such. This challenge is a flash game showdown which is neat and I fought to get 2048. I think that I'm doing great but honestly I could be flopping lol. I got 36k so far but I'm gonna keep on pushing for more!

Just a few updates...

So I've been REALLY working HARD on establishing trust with Tim. I do think he's a ride or die kind of dude. I've been trying to give him every piece of info I have in order to build that trust. HOWEVER, I may or may not have lied and said Zach followed our season closely to make Tim paranoid about Zach (although Zach could have.. who knows?).

I think Tim trusts me because we created an idol-search list? He also gave me the tea he had from Kartik about the basement. I know I have zero chance of being sent there because of TJ/Alyssa (unless they think it's a punishment) so I'm sad I don't get to look for an advantage.

So I've decided to start keeping tabs on my game in the form of notes so I don't fuck up along the way or forget important events...

So I decided to look more into Zach and I basically found out that he's basically the male version of Alyssa but BETTER. His placements in MAIN SEASONS have been 1st, 2nd, and 4th. He NEEDS TO GO SOON. I need to make this happen before merge. I'm going to put my ass into SUPER SOCIAL HOE MODE and whore myself out to these people so that when the time comes.. we could possibly take him out.

Also I'm struggling talking to Aly. The first night we seemed to have a lot in common but now.. she just barely talks. I need to fix that ASAP.

I'm talking to Liam more (found out he created a FB series I'm currently playing). I'm going to work on that relationship hard tonight and in the next couple of days (assuming I stay).

I need to rebuild trust with Daniel about the Timmy vote. I've played with Daniel in the past and he also knows how I play so that's border-line concerning. He's also close to TJ on the other tribe so I'm shaking in my boots. I'm just in a shits storm and it's only day 4.

So I guess the Agenda for the next day is: 1. Keep working on Tim. 2. Build a relationship with Liam. 3. Don't fuck up in any way possible.

Okay so we just lost the immunity challenge and Isaac (The person I wanted gone) went to the basement, Cool! Currently everyone is scared of saying a name which ofc makes sense, right now I want either Jake (Who I reaaaally believe is a threat) or Alyssa (Who tbh have not talked much with) gone, I have alliances with almost everyone not like alliances but like deals as I said b4, I'm very interested in being in an alliance with Fede, Luke, Shea and Stephen tbh but Jake also targeted (kinda) Stephen which also does not make me happy so I'll see.

We lost, which sucks. We got demolished, which sucks. Isaac got sent to the basement, which Really Sucks because now no one knows who to vote for. So its “solidify relationships” time. I’ve got Fred, Jake, Luke, and Miguel in the good books, Shea and Alyssa in the wings if I need them but tbh.... I’m willing to cut Alyssa, she’s the only one I know from skype, and a fresh start would he nice.... Idk as long as its not me right?

Well poop, apparently my name and Luke’s are being thrown about. But definitely not by anyone in particular, no no, these names where brought up by the Phantom Tribe Member -_- I’m trying to throw out a thirf name: Alyssa, just because I get the feeling I can throw her under the bus. Sorry Alyssa <3

WHY DO I DO THIS?? I always try to please everyone and I overplay too hard! Ugghhhh Ok, time to slow down, follow the easy path of voting with this pseudo alliance, even if it means someone cool is out, and not try to build up shit. This is the hand I was dealt with, and that's it, I'm gonna work with it.

Alright, so I think I just made the first move in this game without getting blood on my hands. When comparing some stuff with Alyssa, I realized that Shea was playing hella messy, and knowing that I would prefer to keep Luke and Stephen, it seemed like a necessary move to vote Shea. After Alyssa agreed that that would be a good move, we've worked on getting Luke and Stephen on board, both seemingly in with the plan. Now we would just need one more. Hopefully it didn't seem like Alyssa and I orchestrated this together and paints a "duo" target on our backs, but I'm glad that I have someone I feel like I could trust in this game (cross my fingers those words don't come back to haunt me).

So. Drama. Tea. All those lovely things. So I managed to make an alliance between me Luke Federico (Who I have been calling Fred, oops) and Jake. Then Shea tells me Jake was the one who threw my name out. But then Luke spills that Shea is being Sheady and forcing names outta people and then spreading the info to cause #Drama. Interesting. Long story short I’ve forgive Jake (for now) and we’re switching our votes to Shea. Bye bye.

It has been a crazy, crazy day to say the least, I’m chilling and baking a batch of strawberry lemonade cupcakes, thinking my tribe has this challenge in the bag. Then the big moment comes and we are swept by the other tribe 7-0, and I’m flabbergasted. As soon as ratboy is sent to basement, I knew our first tribal wasn’t going to be so simple. I mentioned how I wanted to show a different side of me in this game and I am being way more social and helpful to the tribe than I ever have been in an ORG. From organizing the tribe while games were being picked to going on camera in the first challenge. I’m feeling great and I am thinking that I’ll survive this tribal and then my name is thrown out. I get so nervous and start thinking that my time is up in the game. Many of my tribe mates that I have socialized with kept saying they thought I’d be safe and that they didn’t want me voted out. I’m still feeling nervous until StephenW asks me if I want to start a majority alliance with him, which no one had asked me before. We pick the three best possible members: Miguel, Federico and Jake. In the few hours since the alliance formed we have been in sync with every decision and even figured out the source of all the confusion within our tribe, someone we all thought we could trust was playing us and we now have a plan to vote that person out. I feel like I am in a solid position in my tribe and as long as there’s isn’t a repeat of my alliance tribe’s incident from EMBB8 I think I can make it far in this game and maybe even win.

Yay we slayed the Kato's in the challenge and gave them what they deserved for sending me to the basement. I have made some good progress with regard to my position in the tribe. Stephen initiated the talk of forming an alliance and we ended up making an alliance of Stephen, Ally, Zach and myself. This is perfect for me and was exactly what I wanted.

I have also been working with these 3 ppl individually for the idol hunt so far and made steady progress. I have never done well with an idol so I would absolutely not mind any of these 3 getting it. At least I would be able to have the info of who is having the idol which would provide some clarity. Only problem is none of these 3 seem to be keen on letting the other 2 in on the idol hunt. It appears as if these 3 are just working with me alone for the idol. Maybe Ally is working with Jess too on this. But the thing is it makes me think that they feel closest to me out of everyone. I could be entirely wrong but if thats true, it makes me worry that they might be pissed of at me when they guess that I have been sharing the idol hunt with others and force them to lose trust in me. I hope I can somehow manage this with caution and come out of it clean. I definitely dont want to be seen as a snake so early in the game. Speaking of snakes, I dont get why whichever game I play, talks about Elmo pops up. Stop giving him attention, he doesnt deserve it!

Other than that, Tim has shown interest in working with me and he said he would rallied for me even if I hadnt been sent to the basement. I do believe and trust him. He is chill and does seem like a good person to work with so I am feeling a lot more comfortable now than I was 24 hrs ago :)

we won immunity, and i won two (2) comps. FUCK multitask though, and even pomme pomme. both are fun at times but i was so stressed out. the one day that i'm actually doing something (i.e getting glasses fixed, dentist, being out all day), i volunteer for two flashgames opposed to just one. it don't matter tho considering we clean sweeped them and i'm soooo happy!!

so right now i talk to everyone, obvious at different amounts. stephen/ally (who are super close) approached both me and karthik separately asking for an alliance. now, i'm fine with them, and i talk to them a lot - they're great and fun. i'm just worried cuz those three are a lot closer together than they are to me, i think, because they're pregame friends (not saying they're premade or whatever, but they know each other from before). stephen mentioned (once again, jack/matt DONT READ) that we're kinda team meta because we're all from EM. well, he ain't fully wrong but ASKGLADSGKDh.

karthik is my fav tho. he gives me idol guesses and is such a king. i love him so so so so much.

it'd be hard to rank who i trust the most to least. i genuinely enjoy everyone's presence. i think daniel would be someone who's on the 'outside' and would be good to pull in, but i very much see him being the next boot if we lose. not necessarily because i'd want that, but just because he seems like an outlier given his vote against liam + not being as socially active as others. liam's from FB but i like him a lot. jess is soooo funny but is super close to alyssa. however, she's a loyal queen and i adore her sm. tim has been less... charismatic but he's so fun overall and i really enjoy him. ideally, i guess daniel leaves if we go to tribal again (given there's no swap), which would suck, and then i just hope we swap or something.

i'm also very scared of a swap. i think i'm one of the top three physical threats (on top of my Kuang Si record, which was asked by jess and is known by potentially a few, including ally). i'm just worried i'll be taken out late premerge as a physical/social threat but it's kind of hard to tone it down. i enjoy talking to people, not even just for game but that's my personality, and then i always am good at competitions. it's soooo nervous and i think i'm playing too hard too soon (not strategic or aggressive, just being a more power player ig. that's not being cocky i'm just worried, i hope its paranoia lol).

anyway, i'm final 16, living life. i called woman wonder marvel to karthik (it's DC but wbk i'm a dumbass).

With the way things have been going with my health this week, I am so glad we're not going to tribal. I dunno, it's just been hard to get my head in the game but I'll keep venturing on!

Ok so we won the challenge in a landslide LMAO. I think I proved to my tribe that I actually can be good at challenges, despite having a relatively low score last round. However, I am a bit afraid at this point that I isolated myself from everyone when I voted Liam, but hey at least I'm not a afraid to go for what I want against majority : ) I think to keep myself safe I'm going to have to continue performing well in immunity challenges, and hope we win the majority of them. I'm going to continue trying to build bonds with people like Zach, Stephen, and Karthik, but we'll have to see when the time comes!

WHEW! This has been a round and a half folks. Some crazy shit happened. So okay opening the results? Crushing. I tried hella hard and so did everyone else on our tribe and we seemed to have been beaten in all these games by a slim margin so that was ASS. The other team took our “abstaining” player away but that’s fine tbh cuz I know Anna Jane wouldn’t give that to just anyone and I’m sure he had a good excuse. I’m kind of glad Isaac got sent to the basement because I always like to stand up for people who have good reasons why they didn’t do well in a challenge? ANYWAY. SO. Shea is talking to me and I’m talking to legit only her and TJ trying to figure out what the best move is. Shea is P U L L I N G for a name from me and I said I guess Luke because I haven’t talked to him (although tbh I haven’t been AS on top of my social game here as I usually am). So SHEA is freaking saying I’m a target because I’m coming for Luke???? Which is FUNNY cuz I literally only said his name to TJ and Shea????? Anyway I talk to Luke and I’m like yo imma be tea with you I got duped, I’m not coming after you at all. Fishy shit. Turns out Shea did the same thing to Fed, Luke, and Stephen. WHAT. So I’m out here strategizing with TJ (I LOVE F2ING WITH A SMART STRATEGIC PLAYER. I’M SO FUCKING EXCITED. I FEEL SO OPEN WITH HIM IN DOING SHIT LIKE????? I trust him 100% I’m ngl. I’m living for the dynamic rn. I usually f2 with people and hide EVERYTHING but I legit feel like I don’t have to with TJ? I don’t KNOW. I’m HYPE). So yeah TJ and I R A N this vote but I don’t think anyone knows it and that we’re working together? I don’t know man I’m fucking EXCITED for this.

ok so i'm currently in an alliance w karth stephen zach, those are also my 3 closest allies at the moment, + i rlly like jess. karth is atm my Ride Or Die i trust him the Most, w stephen in 2nd and zach in 3rd.

i'm sharin idol hunt stuff with both karth + stephen atm, separately.

here's some of my Thots over the last couple days:

AllyYesterday at 13:38 ok so stephen wants an alliance and wants to include karth so now i’m like hmm m i have to make sure that stephen doesn’t figure out that i fed my idol search to him and also i told stephen what happened in the basement so i need to make sure karth doesn’t know i told stephen that sis if they’re closer than i am to both of them i am in so much trouble

AllyYesterday at 22:21 karth thinks i’m doing these long ass streaks cuz i’m combining me and stephens in our doc me: haha i’m so lucky x i WILL get this idol i’m DETERMINED blakkskskksksks tangling myself in lies and it’s only round 2 i rlly hope those two don’t talk too much but based on some interactions i had with both of them i don’t think they do otherwise stephen is gonna come for my wig he doesn’t like lies

So we literally destroyed the other tribe in the challenge lol. I have had time to reflect upon the last tribal and the last round collectively. Timmy's final words were "Play the game for yourself and not for the majority" bro..... its is literally the first ever tribal council on the very first round of the game... like....... cmon. Its funny that Daniel was doing exactly that. Playing individually within a tribal focused game. Merge isnt until wayyy later so maybe try and fit in??Idk thats just my take. It showed that Daniel is gonna do what he wants to do regardless of the situation. On the flip side it shows that Daniel is loyal to a fault with people. Had we lost the last challenge I would have pushed for Daniel and if the next time we lose.... if we lose... I'm gonna try and get folks to vote for Daniel.

Things have gotten super quiet. It’s mildly concerning. I don’t think I’m going home but with how confusing this tribal has been you can never tell. Pretty much every name in the book has been thrown out. Fed is really trying to create a Luke vs Alyssa narrative which would be great if that worked but it really isn’t. They aren’t gunning for each other like he wants and that does suck as I’d be fine voting Luke. In other news, Jake is having a mild mental break. If you’re already freaking out now just go home because god the stress of ORGs gets SO MUCH WORSE. I don’t know what’s gonna happen but whatever happens I know in my heart had Isaac been here he’d be gone. Sucks to suck, maybe we shouldn’t have done that to them last tribal.

I definitely think I could be leaving tonight. It's allegedly between Stephen and Luke but I just don't think that's true.

My god. Im glad I already cast my vote for Shea. Makes all this nonsense drama a bit easier for me.

Shea is voted out 7-1.

[survivorcordillerablanca]

Episode 13 Confessionals

luke used the idol and idoled zach out and im about to cry. like i hope you read this postgame zach bc ur truly awesome <3 playing with zach has just been... so fun?? idk we played together in las vegas and weren't rlly talking at all until our last day when we got close then we just... never talked after that. then this game happened... and i dont know if its just because we're similar but i clicked with him and we talked daily like 24/7 about anything. strategy, normal stuff, anything. and it's been great playing with him. calling, just talking strategy, knowing you can trust someone 100%. its rlly nice in games :// love YEW zach and have fun with willow in ponderosa. (also dana joined my confessional bc ur out now sorry)

I'm tired of Jordan Pines. Honestly I'm just tired. Carson & I vs Luke and Jordan Honestly one of us needs to win immunity or we're fucked. Plain and simple. 

the sevens endurance challenge really sucked but im happy i was smart and figured out a.. formula on google sheets to get all the numbers on a spreadsheet so i can copy and paste and it seems like nobody is doing too good i guess. i got 31577 and im hoping thats good enough but my goal was 70k and im mad i didnt get that all because i couldnt focus ughhh. idk im just mad about that and i wish i could focus more on it and have done better and i just regret not doing it. also ive been thinking about jury votes and the final tribal council. a lot of people seem to see me as a goat/nonthreat/irrelevant/lapdog, and this is NOT a game for lapdogs. i guess they dont think i can win?

im gonna do a jury analysis/breakdown of who would vote who.

carson vs luke: chris - most likely carson willow - carson bryce - tossup katie - tossup zach - carson charlotte - carson jordan - luke i have 3 "locked" votes and luke has 1, but theres 3 tossups that could make me lose (and tbh lukes played a good game and i think its possible willow + charlotte might change votes bc of that) carson vs charlotte: chris - tossup willow - carson bryce - tossup katie - tossup zach - carson luke - charlotte jordan - charlotte 2 locked votes for both of us and 3 tossups. i love charlotte but like... her losing the firemaking challenge MIGHT not be a bad thing bc she a threat. jury might be mad at her though. carson vs jordan: chris - tossup willow - carson bryce - carson katie - jordan zach - carson luke - jordan charlotte - carson (unless i vote her out) idk. this could go both ways. obviously none of this is factoring in luke + jordan's stories and the respect the jurors might have for that, but im looking more at relationships. i feel like im facing an uphill battle no matter who i go against but i think i can do it. just gotta make it there! also i kept telling charlotte fake scores for the challenge i feel bad SDKSDJK sorry for the jumbled confessional

im immune what the fuck? like im shook... i still GOT IT. beating jordan/luke 2 big immunity threats in a challenge is good for my self esteem honestly. hopefully charlotte can beat luke/jordan in a firemaking challenge but  also... its NOT ME GOING HOME! also jordans trying to get me to flip and vote charlotte by citing how big of a jury threat is but... the thing is i know charlotte is loyal and gets mad when people betray her so id rather her lose this firemaking or jordan take her out next vote! FINAL 3 BOUND!

Did I do a confessional already? No one knows. Jordan Pines didn't win immunity.... but voting for him tonight is stupid because he's incredible when it comes to competitions. At this point, my only hope is to go up against Luke and hope I can beat him in a fire-making competition. If I fail, it's to the jury I go. 

I JUST MADE THE FINAL 3 BITCHES. Luke and charlotte are about to go to firemaking rip, so #goluke. If luke wins i actually have an option of being taken to ftc. If not, then once again Jordan has to win it on his own. Either way, gonna be an exciting finish. Right to the fucking end we go. Lukei'm going to firemaking because carson is dumb and doesn't understand that making charlotte and jordan battle it out in firemaking would be smarter for him

LIKE... luke really wants to stay and i feel so bad i really love him as a person but in this game we have just.. not been together really and im letting charlotte make this choice because its her going to firemaking. 

i'm officially in the final 3!

charlotte won the firemaking, and this might make me seem bad but... im kinda sad she did? i love charlotte but her losing wouldn't be horrible. as of now it seems as if both people will take me (hopefully) but i always assume people are lying so im not gonna throw it. ill try my best because i wanna be there to plead my case. this final 3 is far from what i actually wanted. i wanted a zach/me/willow final 3, but i think i predicted it back then when that originated that that would never happen. nothing goes to plan in survivor and i think it's the people who adapt to the circumstances thrown at them who are able to win. i feel i was able to adapt for sure and thats why i wanna make it to the final 2 so i can describe what i feel were the best parts of my game: my adaptability, my social game, and using threats to obscure me. i feel like i really did play a good game, so even if people see me as a goat who won't win right now... i'll be glad to prove them wrong. and i think by winning last immunity by 23,000 proves the dedication/desire i have in this game and to win this game, which i dont think people saw. so, bring it on! the final stages of this game are in full force, and i will be the last one standing. <3

Last night was bad. Luke is gone and it's been rough, but I am so close. All the stands between me and winning is 1 challenge. ONE FUCKING CHALLENGE. If i win final immunity, I genuinly believe that i can win this game, but I know if I lose, neither of these two people are taking me. It is on me. This is do or die, and if theirs one thing I am good at, it is not dying.

Jordan not winning final immunity is a look. Is it finally time for Jordan Pines to get voted out???

i REALLY won final immunity what the fuck. like why did i do that they both wouldve taken me... i dont know. jordans making super good points that i KNOW and ive been THINKING this entire game of the jury. it really is hard being viewed as the "goat" i guess i know how dana feels now :/// poor dana (jk i love dana!!!) ok.. so. ive reflected on all this so much already i dont think i have to do too much. i feel as if i have to hype up my strategic and social game and how i did THAT because i really did. people just.. dont know WHAT i did yet and perception is reality i guess. taking charlotte means she got the strategy on LOCK and maybe even social. jordan has the STORY point of view and the competition and even strategy i feel. i feel its an uphill battle no matter who i take but... charlotte said she woudlnt be bitter if i voted her out... while jordan said hed vote charlotte. but i do NOT want jordan to thin kthis is all because of his pleas. hes played a good game and all but i think ive played a good game too and can go up against both of em. idk. my decision won't be made until it's made/

22 mins until final tribal council and im nervous as hell i feel as if ive played a good game and i can sell my case well but jordan can do that too and i just have to sell myself better than him. luke + charlotte r voting jordan almost 100% so i just need to swing two of chris, bryce, or katie. ugh i really hopei can win because ive put so much into this game

[psychnova]

I chose you

" The Choice " This is for the woman I love, the most amazing person I have ever known. Call Me Luke, I'm currently working at a Law Firm here in London but I'm from Cebu, I stayed there for a very long time so I'm still used to speaking the local language but with matching British. (I find it actually hard to state this story in full Cebuano language, so please forgive me. I'm exerting all my efforts in writing this for her, this story is quiet long but I hope you take time to read.). My family migrated in London about 7 years ago, but there's no place like home so I pursued my law prep here in the Phillipines. After I graduated, I decided to continue my masters abroad but I usually go home every summer to meet with some old friends because I have my condo unit in Manila and Cebu. That summer, I was not doing fine, it was during the hardest times in my life, those times when I finally decided to end my toxic relationship with someone. I fought for that one girl my entire life, and I did my best to pursue my ambitions for her and for our future but found out I was fighting alone, I thought my life would eventually end the moment she left, I drank and partied 24/7 to forget her, until you stepped into my life. I was at a bar in Cebu that night, it was around 2 A.M when I saw you, you look naive, feels like you don't deserve to be in that place that late, so I approached you. "Miss, you alright?" "Oh, yes. I am. Just a bit uncomfortable." "Yep, I see that. Anything I can do to help?" "Nope, I just – I gotta go…Have fun!" (Then she walked away) She was different. She got this very classy look specially in her red dress, she got this tiny eyes, sakto sa height, nindot og lawas, her hair is natural, dili rebonded and she wore braces – she's beautiful, just the way she is. I couldn't take my eyes off her, na love at first sight ko, I think. So, I ran as fast as I could to catch and luckily, naa pa siya sa parking lot. "You'll drive home alone this late, Miss?" Nakuratan siya, "Oh, didn't saw you coming, but yes – I'm used to driving alone." Gwapa kaayo siya, bisan simple lang. Ni ring iyang phone, naka loud speak so I heard the voice of the caller. "Doc? We need you here, it's urgent." "Okay, I'll be in touch. See you." "So, you're a doctor?" "Uhm, yes, and you?" "Well, I'm still taking my masters abroad, just spending my summer here for good. I'm Luke, by the way." "Okay, nice knowing you, Luke but I gotta go, it's urgent." "Okay, be safe…" I was not able to finish my sentence bc she grabbed her car keys immediately. I just watched her from afar and made sure makalarga ang sakyanan niya safely, but then, something went wrong. "What's wrong?" "Gosh, I think I run out of fuel" Balaka kaayo siya. "I can drive you, don’t worry." I grabbed my keys, gihatod nako siya sa hospital. "I forgot to ask your name." "Oh, sorry – I'm Belle." I would love to know more about you but I lacked confidence that time. I don't want to miss even a single second to know you better but I couldn't, you make me feel insane, I became speechless. Wala nako kabantay nga naa na diay mi sa entrance sa hospital. "I'll be fine here. Thanks, Luke" she gave me a very warm smile. "No problem, doc. Be safe." "I will, you too." I just watched her as she enters the hospital, I wish I could see her again. That night, wala ko nakatulog, I tried to search her name on facebook but I forgot to ask her last name, malas kaayo. What I did is that I tried to visit the hospital's website and searched for her name pero dili nako matrace, I don't even know if that’s her real name. Desperado kaayo ko, so I drove my way back to the bar's carport and parked my car beside her car for me to see her once more the moment she'll fix it. I bought a cup of coffee and some midnight snacks and spent the night inside my car. To my despair, her car was gone the moment I woke up. - FF – I've been spending the whole month looking for her aside from having fun. I was like an insane man looking for his long lost princess but it was all worth it if it's for her. One day, I decided to buy something to eat at a fancy resto, there were plenty of people, mostly couples bc it was Valentine's Day. To my despair, I saw my ex, the woman I fought for almost 3 years with her new boyfriend, I was at rage. Lagot kaayo ko sa iyaha, wala ko nakaagwanta so I left the resto and decided to drink and party that night, Idk what I feel, I don't love her anymore but there's this feeling of discontentment. That night, I was very frustrated, I partied hard until hubog na kaayo ko, I drove my way to places I don't even remember, I turned my music into its full volume and tears started flowing from my eyes, until – nabangga ko, and everything started to fade, I don't remember everything, but I saw Belle's face. - FF – I blacked-out for a few hours, good thing someone saw my car and rushed me to the hospital. I broke a portion of my arm so I had to undergo surgery. They say everything has its own reason, right after the surgery, I understood that it happened for me to see her again. Siya ang nag opera sa akoa. "Luke, are you alright? Is there someone we can contact?" "Belle?" "Yes, its me. You were rushed here last night, please be careful next time." Balaka kaayo siya. "Is there someone we can call?" "No, my family's in London right now, I'm actually alone here in the Philippines. Just paying a visit" "Seriously?" "Yes, but I'll be alright soon, I own a condo here though, I can manage." "I know, but please just be careful. I'll fix your files, you'll be alright soon." - FF – I was finally discharged after 3 days, but my body still aches. "Here you go!" Niana siya while padung na magdrive. "So, what’s your address? I'll make sure you can rest." "Okay (gives my address) Salamat ha?" "For what? Come on, doctor treats, you know. But of the job. Don’t mind it." "Not just that, for everything. You're so kind." "Enough with the compliments, okay. You're welcome. Haha" We both chuckled and I find her so pretty specially bc of her tiny eyes, I truly adored this woman. She bought me some foods too, she's adorable! "So, you live here?" "Yes." "Alone?" "Yes, want to live with me?" "What? She look shocked, but still cute, gigara garaan nako siya. "Hahahahahahahahaha sorry doc, just messing up with you. Laughter is the best medicine diba?" "Hahahahaha is that a joke? I thought that was real, so disappointed." Hahahahaha mas nisamot ko og kaibog sa iyaha, maypag ka garaon sad diay siya, lingaw kaayo siya ikauban and she's so caring, very wifey material. We looked about many things, about studies, mostly about mine. "Know what, you remind me of someone." "Who is that?" I said Padung na siya motubag sa dihang ni ring iyang phone. "Doc, we need you." "Luke, I have to go again. They need me rn, you know my job." "It's alright, Belle. I can manage. Thank you for everything." "You're welcome, Luke. See you soon." Abi ko og last nato nga makita nako siya, nakaingon ko sa akong self nga if ever that would be the last time that I can see her, then I'd be willing to risk myself to death to see her once again. I know busy siya always, I don't even know a lot about her, so I assumed nothing, I am loving her secretly. To my astonishment, she visited me the next day, she brought foods, foods and some medicines. She even washed my bedsheets (she's very handy, she makes sure my house is tidy before she will leave for I should not do the chores daw my own.) Grabi, samot ko'g kahigugma aning bayhana ba. I ordered some dinner, a way of thanking her for everything. "Belle, let's dine before you leave, please?" "Alright, no worries and thanks by the way." I prepared the dinner when she asked me something about my piano (actually my Mom's, but kept it for myself.) "You play the piano?" "Yes, I do, Since kindergarten hahaha, you?" I heard no response, until she beautifully played the Hungarian Sonata by Clayderman. I had goosebumps, it was so beautiful, she was a pro when it comes to piano. Gibiyaan nako akong giandam and stared at her while playing, she was perfect. I was enjoying every second with her, I could not ask for more, that her being with me, always. Suddenly, she stopped. "I should probably go, I'm sorry." Tears started flowing from her eyes. I was confused. I wanted to ask her why, but she left in deep sadness. It's been 2 weeks since the last time I saw her and it feels like, I've been missing her every second. I had no one to talk to, I stayed home and played all the melodies I use to play in the piano, hoping this could heal the pain of losing her. I waited for few more days, it was about time for me to give up. I thought, maybe she wasn't meant for me, or maybe our paths crossed temporarily, not more than that. One day, someone left a huge box outside my room. It was a cake, freshly baked by her, with the words "The Doctor Is In." I was so happy, such a sweet gesture from her, I was waiting for that moment and I could not believe that was happening. I hurriedly grabbed my keys to find her but she was standing outside my room. "Hi, I'm sorry." "It’s fine, really. I missed you, Belle." "I miss you too, Luke. May I come in?" "Of course." We partake the cake she baked for me, and talk about many things, we watched a movie and enjoyed each other's company but deep inside me, there's still this part that seeks for answers the night she cried. "What is it, Belle. Please talk to me." I stared at her. "I'm sorry, Luke. I just don't feel good that night, and the moment I started playing that song on the Piano, it reminded me about something in my past." "What do you meant? I know I'm in no position to hear your story but I'd be willing to listen." It took a minute of hesitation before she started sharing her story. She was raised in a very disciplinarian family, they came from a wealthy family and she's the only daughter. Her parents had big expectations towards her, she became a consistent Top 1 student and did well in all aspects. She was 15 when she stepped into college, she was an advanced learner. While she was in college, she met someone, her first love. The problem is that theirs was a forbidden love because her parents did not allow her to be involved in a relationship. Both of them we're in love intensely that time. Belle did not give up on him, instead she gave up her studies and broke her parents' trust and everybody's expectation. She was maltreated and humiliated for choosing the guy but she took the risk. The man loved her in return, he continued his study regardless and promise to fight for her until the end, until she heard nothing from him. There was no valid explanations, no proper goodbye. I know how hard it is for her to share this thing to me, she was crying and all I can see is pain, regret and love. She loved this man more than her life, that she was willing to give up everything for her, the problem is, it's not certain if that man already gave up on her or not, still she's hopeful they'll see each other, even after how many years. She leaned towards me and I hugged her tightly to comfort her. She was like a child, finding some place to stay. It kills to see her like this, that time, I decided not to tell her my feelings for I don’t want to confuse her feelings and I was afraid to loose her, I know I can never beat the man she used to love, her first love. Bisan sakit kaayo, I chose to be her best friend, I listened to everything she have been sharing about the guy, every smile from her as she reminds herself of their memories is equivalent to every pain in mine. Pero gikaya nako, I love her so much, I want her to be happy. We spent plenty of times together. We became very close, I knew all her secrets and he knew mine too, even about my ex and all the girls I dated. We were very comfortable, feels like we've known each other since birth, we know each other's details, no matter how little it is. During her duty, I would send her motivational messages to keep her going and I make sure, she comes home safe. Sometimes, I would invite her with some conference with my fellow International Law Students, she likes debates and she's into politics. I kept on missing the moments with her trying to fix my necktie and everything about us. She likes café while she listens to old songs but I like bars with loud noises but I chose to jam with her. She loves to eat foods with cheese and I hate it, but for her I tried to love it. She loves to watch Nicholas Spark's Movies and I find it boring but for her, I tried to fully grasp the stories and we even cried together. She changed me, and every second of every day, I kept on choosing her. The days turned to weeks, then to months, until I had to go back to London for my studies. We kept in touch with each other through the net. Seeing her was the highlight of my day, even my entire week. I was inspired to study harder, and pursue something for her, I know I was being one-sided due to the fact that I am certain she still loves her first love and still waits for her every day, I know that. She risked everything for that guy and I know that the guy loves her too, who could unloved someone as perfect as her? I don't think there love story already ended, and I accepted it. We became best friends for 4 years, until I finally finished my masters. "Hi Luke, I have a good news!" "What? You seem to be so excited, ha. Found Mr. First Love already?" I joked. "Shut up!" Then she showed me her plane ticket "See? I made sure I can see you while you finally reach your dreams!" I was shocked, as in? I was beyond blessed as in completely happy that she will attend my graduation and will spare a week here in London with me. That time, I told myself that I'll never miss this chance for me to confess my feelings towards her, it's now or never. I love her and I chose her, without hesitations, without doubts, I can't lose this woman, not anymore. Few more days before her flight. I made sure I look good and decent. I've changed a lot after the last time we saw each other, I became very manly and I know she did too, I couldn't wait to see her, I already planned for the places we're going to visit and the memories we're going to make. She arrived very early in London, from afar – despite the odds, all I saw was her, no one but her. She ran towards me and hugged me so tight, that was one of the most beautiful memories I had with her. I hugged her tightly in return and kissed her forehead, I missed you Belle. So much! I'm glad you're finally here with me. Thank you for everything. "All for you, Luke. I don't know how am I suppose to handle everything I've been through without you being here with me. I won't trade you over anything." Then she hugged me back. We spent our days together, I strolled her around the city and she was so happy. She can't stop taking photographs and I see real joy behind her eyes. I introduced her to my parents and my friends and we spent the remaining days together, we were very happy. She got no idea I was already preparing my surprise for her after my graduation, I already told the University about my plans, right after the ceremony, I'm going to confess my feelings for her. - FF – Graduation Ceremony I went there early, I had to settle things regarding my plans and I chose not to tell everyone about it, just my close friend, Neo, who is a Filipino also, we've been comrades since I took my Masters here. The ceremony went fine, she was there, she was very beautiful in her white dress. I was a so nervous not for the oath taking but for my confession but tried to remain calm. I graduated with honors so had this privilege to share my speech. She was so proud of me, and I am to have her too. As I utter my final word, we went back stage and the surprise took place. "Bro, I forgot something. Give me a sec." I forgot the flowers so I went searching for it. "Okay, man. Get back soon, she's waiting." (Lights have been turned off) It took a while before I found the bouquet. I grabbed it and ran as fast as I could, I can't wait for this, this is it. This is it! This surprise is gonna be a blast! I sigh in nervousness as I opened the lights but to my desperation. They were hugging each other. "Luke, its him." They were both crying. Neo seemed shocked, they finally met after how many years. And I could not barely believe nga sa tanang pwede mahimong amigo nako, ngano siya pa. Nganong siya pa man gyd? All I see is happiness in her eyes despite her tears, Neo was shocked, he was crying and hugged her so tight. "I missed you, Belle. You have no idea how much I do. I did everything for you, I wanted to prove something to your parents, that I am worthy for your love and I am so glad we've met again" Mura ko og hinay-hinay nga gipatay sa akong nakita. Sakit kaayo, pero wala nako'y nahimo. They were meant for each other, and maybe the reason why she was sent to me is for me to guide her way back to him. Nilakaw ko, I did not say a single word. Bugnaw kaayo ko and I drove my car towards some unknown places and I cried all night, I was a crazy man that night, I shouted and cried and broke everything inside my car. I stayed there for a few days, I did not contact anyone and booked my flight to Paris, I want to forget everything even if I don't know where to start. I was about to drove my way away from London when I realized that I have not eaten anything, so I bought something and went to the airport. The moment I was about to depart, she came. "Luke, I'm sorry." "Sorry for what? You know, you don't really have to. I get it, okay? I am so happy for you two, and you should know that, my task is done, alright? You're finally home now." I said it in a very unmanly tone "Luke, you don't understand." "Understand what? That no matter how hard I try, I could never replace him because you've been spending your whole life waiting for that shit to come back? I get it, I am just someone passing through your life and assumed that ours was real, I get it, Belle." "You're not just someone to me, Luke. You are the only person who chooses to stay awake listening to my dramas, the person who chooses to listen to old songs and jam at cafes even when he hates it, the person who tries the best he could to appreciate the taste of my Mac and Cheese. The person who would stay awake at 3 A.M while watching Nicholas Spark's Movies even he wants to watch Game of Thrones, the only person who chooses to send me motivational messages even when he needs them more during his recitations and debates, the only person who proved to me that love is a matter of choice. Yes, I love him and I waited for him, but there's this difference between loving and waiting. You taught me how to love again, and I can't take that love away from you." We were both crying, the plane already departed and I did not care. We kissed each other passionately, I did not care what will people say, I have no control over myself. I love her so much and he made me love her even more by saying those words. "Belle, why me?" "Because you chose me first." The surprise turned into something real, instead of asking her to be my girl. I asked her to be my wife, I proposed right away. This time, there were no flowers, nor an expensive ring, a hired band nor a photographer. It was just me and my unfailing love for her. This is to woman I'm going to marry this year, “I didn't fall in love with you. I walked into love with you, with my eyes wide open, choosing to take every step along the way. I do believe in fate and destiny, but I also believe we are only fated to do the things that we'd choose anyway. And I'd choose you; in a hundred lifetimes, in a hundred worlds, in any version of reality, I'd find you and I'd choose you” With Love, Atty, Luke