#if I ever write an x reader fic load up a silver bullet it's not me

[givehimthemedicine]

pool party. (a sorta elmax ficlet) (don't be alarmed by the second person, this is an El pov fic, not an x reader fic)

Mike's birthday is a pool party.

Max already had a bathing suit, but you did not, so she took you shopping for one. You are glad she must like shopping so much that she goes with you even when she does not buy anything.

At the store she held up something really small, two little pieces of cloth with strings hanging off, and you didn't understand what you were supposed to think about it. She laughed and explained that it was clothes. You laughed too, even though really you still did not understand.

The one you picked is the whole kind instead of the falling apart little pieces kind. It is striped.

Max's is red.

The pool is blue.

You like Mike, and parties are a fun thing, people say, and maybe it was on purpose you did not think about the pool part of this until you got to Mike's backyard.

The cement is hot under your feet. You stand there in the bright sun, staring down at the blue water, and you want to shiver.

Lucas and Max and Will are already in the water, splashing on a floating thing. Mike and Dustin are standing talking still dry. You try to remember if you have ever seen Dustin with no hat before right now.

The water makes you think of how metal smells. It looks like feeling heavy.

You touch the stomach of your new suit to make sure it is not the kind with weights on it.

It looks like you can see the bottom of the pool, but maybe there is more beneath that. The black water that's beyond the blue water, where it is dark and endless. A place where you could scream and nobody-

"What's wrong?"

Max is looking up at you from near your feet, her arms folded on the edge of the pool. Her hair looks smooth and dark. You did not notice her coming over.

How did she know anything was wrong? You must be acting wrong.

"You don't know how to swim," she guesses, and you realize you have not said anything back.

No. No, you guess you don't know how, not if swimming is what Lucas is doing right now at the far end, so you shake your head.

Max pushes up, climbing out of the water and making a big drippy trail over to where Mike is standing.

Now is your chance to go in the pool while nobody is paying attention.

You want to be like the others, and the others are not bothered about the things you are. Normal takes practice like everything else. Lots more, maybe.

This is a pool party, and that means everybody is going into the pool, and you have to go into the pool too or else it would not be a pool party. You are going to pretend that you are normal and you are just going to do it. It will just be done, and no one will know this is one more way you are not normal.

Right when you are about to convince your foot to move, Dustin runs and yells and jumps and hugs his knees and makes a big splash that startles you and makes you take a step backwards. He is laughing. He is smart, and he would not laugh if there was a dark place where he might get trapped.

Although maybe he just does not know. And if he did get trapped, if any of them did, you are the one who would have to help them.

You stare at a tile design at the bottom of the pool. Wavy wavy. Trying to judge its distance makes you feel a little like crying.

You look up at a noise and find Mike's face, and Max's next to it. If you think for a second, you can hear what he just said - "Here, El," and that his voice sounded like it maybe was not the first time he said it. "They're Holly's, but they'll fit you."

He is holding out two... things. Purple puffy plasticky things with little dolphins on them. You stare. Maybe they are clothes, but again, you do not understand how.

"They go on your arms. Like this. They help you float." Mike picks up your hand and puts one of the things on it, like a big puffy bracelet, that goes up and up high on your arm. It does not weigh anything.

Mike and Max are not wearing purple things with dolphins on them. You look around. Neither are Will or Dustin or Lucas.

"Nobody'll laugh," Max says. You know she would make sure.

"C'mon," Mike urges, putting the other one on your other arm. "I'll teach you how to swim."

"Do you even know how to swim?" Max asks.

"Uh? Yes?" Mike scrunches up his face at her. "Why wouldn't I know how to swim, cause I'm not from California?"

"Cause you spend your life in that fart dungeon playing board games and you look like you've never been outside before right now?"

"Bite me." Mike walks over to the edge and steps right off it and drops straight down into the water, and it makes something sharp happen in your chest, even when you see his head and shoulders still sticking out.

Mike's hand is reaching out. Yours is supposed to reach out and go in it, but it doesn't. He is squinting against the sun in a way that makes his teeth show without it being a smile. It makes you not recognize his face all the way. "Come on, El."

You hear yourself breathing. You stare at his hand. His fingers flex twice like waving you over.

"Orrr, you don't have to go in the water," Max's voice says behind you, and you look at her hopefully. You would love for it to be true. But.

"Pool party," you answer, pressing your teeth together hard and turning back to the water.

"Use the steps," Mike says, and his open hand turns into a pointing finger. "You don't have to jump in."

You make yourself step down onto the first step and feel the water wrap around your leg. You stand still for a minute, making sure that you are only imagining the step lowering you down into the water.

Something touches the small of your back.

"Hey, I'll be right next to you," Max says near your ear, kind of quiet, maybe so Mike does not hear, "and I'm actually a good swimmer, so don't worry."

And it makes you feel better, a little.

When you take another step down, the purple dolphin things go up and take your arms with them. This water is not cold but you shudder at the way it finds all your edges at once. You have always hated that moment.

"Stay by this side," Mike tells you. "If you go over by the middle it gets deeper, but over here you can stand up."

You look wide-eyed across the water, not sure where counts as the middle, and grab hard onto the ledge.

The water presses around you and it's harder than normal to breathe, and you do not like that feeling at all, and wherever you move you cannot wriggle out of it.

Max is close like she said she would be. She is standing between you and the middle, like she is guarding you from it. She smiles when you look at her face. You would like to smile back, but you don't think you are.

The boys are hollering and splashing.

Mike still wants your hand, but you need both to hang onto the edge, even though your feet are touching the bottom. You are not so sure you can trust them.

"Let go of the side, El, you can hang onto me," Mike says.

But if you let go, you might never find the edge again. All your friends might be gone. You might get shut in here by yourself in water with no edges.

The others come splashing over.

"Are you learning how to swim?"

"I thought she could already swim."

"Try floating on your back."

"Yeah, remember in the gym," Lucas says. "You did it easy."

You do not want to remember in the gym. The only good thing about in the gym is when it was over, and Will's mom put her arms around you. You wish this was over too, and for arms to be around you.

You can't imagine floating now like you did before. It was easy before. That water just held you. This water would drop you, you can tell. If you trusted it for a second it would swallow you.

"That was salt water."

"She's less buoyant-"

"You're less buoyant-"

Dustin and Mike push each other back and forth until Mike puts his hand on top of Dustin's head and pushes it down under the water.

Panic shoots through you and you spin to Max with wide eyes.

"We're not doing that," she says quickly. "Nobody is gonna dunk you, I promise."

"I wouldn't dunk you, El. I could dunk Max though," Mike grins, fending off Dustin who - "You're so dead!" - is trying to do the same thing back to him.

"Don't."

He makes a move toward Max and she sticks out a shielding arm.

"Mike, stop," Will says.

"Come on, you're making her nervous," Max says seriously, and Mike looks at you and stops. You are glad, because you were about one heartbeat away from stopping him yourself, and it would not have been very nice to do on his birthday.

It's still hard to breathe. Too many voices are saying things at once.

"Kick your legs like this-"

"You have to let go of-"

"Give her some space -"

"If you hold your breath-"

"This is called a doggy paddle-"

"Hang onto me-"

"Come on, just try-"

Mike's hand touches your hand and tries to pull it off of the side and you yank it away.

Your breath goes away and it is silent. Black. You scramble against the edge and it feels like smooth glass against your palms. You feel being locked alone in the dark with something you can not run from. You feel ice in "El?" your veins and screaming so loud in a tiny space that "El?" it makes your whole head ring like it will crack apart-

"El! Are you okay?"

It's so bright it hurts. The water is moving but everybody is still and quiet and looking at you, Mike and Max holding onto you with four hands and worried faces. Your head still rings and your throat hurts. Your lungs push hard against the water.

"Hey, you're okay," Mike says. "Just take a deep breath."

That is exactly what you can't do.

"That's enough," Max slides an arm around you. "We're getting out."

Out. Out yes out now please yes please out. You grab onto her shoulder.

"The steps are right-" but you are already using Max for a ladder. Getting straight out is not easy like when she did it, and you get stuck halfway, clinging to the side on your elbows until she gives you a heave up and you crawl out, knees hurting on the cement.

The boys are starting "Wait" and "Is she- ?" and "What hap-?" behind you, but there are not any words in you.

You don't know why you go straight to this spot like you already knew it existed, but your feet just take you around the side of Mike's house where it is shady, and you sit down on the grass against a big tree.

The air is easier over here.

Ten seconds behind you, Max comes and drapes a big towel around your shoulders. It feels nicer to have it around you. She sits down next to you.

Your palms are shaky and pink and scraped. You feel tired. Embarrassed.

Max is not talking. It does not seem like she is waiting for you to, either. But you like that she is there. She is just resting her head on the tree bark, looking up at the leaves moving in the breeze.

Her eyes are blue like the pool. It is funny you can fear a color in one place and trust it in another.

She is probably the one who likes swimming best, and she is sitting over here with you, looking at leaves instead. You are glad.

You lean just close enough for your shoulder to touch hers a little bit, hoping to sneak some comfort, but she gives it to you on purpose instead. She puts her arm around you and suddenly you are so close to crying that if she says one word, you will pop like a too full water balloon, so you wrap your arms around her and hide your face against her. She does not say one word, and she just lets you stay like that for a long time.

For a while all you hear is your own breathing. But then birds. Water noise and laughing. Cars driving by sometimes.

You let yourself slump back, but still with your shoulder leaning against hers.

"By my old house there were these trees," Max says after another long while, and you are surprised to hear her voice like you forgot talking was a thing. "Big fat trees all along the street with roots pushing up the sidewalk. It was way too cracked up to skate on. People were always tripping. I used to daydream about if I could just, like, poof, and make those roots disappear. Make the sidewalk all level, one square at a time."

You don't know why she told you this, but you do not wish she had stayed quiet instead.

"Would it help to tell me about it? It's not about drowning, exactly, is it."

You shake your head, even though she is not looking at you. She is looking at a brown leaf that she is twirling in her fingers.

It is not that you don't want her to know. You just don't know how to say, or what good it would do. She already saw how you feel about it.

"You coulda just told us you didn't wanna swim. We wouldn't have made you."

"I wanted to try." The breeze blows and you hug the towel around yourself. You do not like how your own cold wet hair feels.

That is the only thing you do not like about long hair. It stays wet long. When you had none, at least you would be dry right away.

"Okay, well.. if you ever wanna try again, I could help you. But you don't have to. And definitely not today. We could just, like, sit and work on our tans while those bozos try to drown each other. Or ditch 'em and go in, watch TV or something."

Going inside sounds nice. You do not really care about TV, but you would love to be somewhere warm and dry and soft and quiet and with Max.

Splashing sounds get your attention again.

"But Mike's birthday," you remind her.

You are all supposed to be having fun with him. People are special on their birthdays, Will said, and everyone does whatever they want. You wonder what you would want to do for your birthday, if you had one.

"It's more important for you to be comfortable. Mike would say so too," she says. "So what do you feel like doing?"

Closing your eyes is the real answer, and you do it instead of say it. But you can't rest here, not all the way, not wet and chilly and with tree bark sharp on your back.

"Inside," you answer, although your body doesn't want to obey you. It is tired and heavy. You wish one of your powers was making yourself be someplace else without moving.

"Okay." Max gets up and brushes grass off herself and offers you both of her hands. "C'mon."

You look up at her face. She smiles. Waiting.

Max is nice. It was a mistake not to be her friend sooner.

You smile back, a little one, and take her hands.

[maxineswritingcenter]

Bray Road - Fox Mulder x non binary!reader part 6

Fic Drop 2021

- 

Mulder just finished speaking with the Sheriff when he spotted his partner. (Y/N) looked so tired. They were holding their head in their hands and had been like that ever since the boys in blue zipped up the body bags for Jason, his mother, and the other patient that had been attacked. He walked to them slowly and placed a hand on their shoulder. 

“You alright?” He asked. (Y/N) took a deep breath and looked up. 

“I don’t know. I know everything that happened was real, but it feels...I never thought that I would experience that again.” They shrugged, “On the bright side, the cops believed my story this time.” 

Mulder smiled a little and nodded towards the car, “C’mon, let’s head back to the motel.” They stood and the two began walking towards the rental car. 

“What about Winterfield?” 

“Cops are going to search the office now to find evidence of the albuterol and anything related to the DEA. The courthouse is going to have a search warrant by the morning.” 

“Mulder.” They said as Mulder started opening his door, “The full moon is tomorrow.” 

He paused for a moment and looked up in the dark sky and saw the moon was almost full. He looked back at his partner, “We’ll get him. I promise.” 

- 

The next morning, both agents made their way to the pediatrician’s office where there was already a search in place. They met with the sheriff as he was walking out. 

“Agents,” He greeted them, “We found some research regarding the albuterol in a safe in the crawl space.” He handed some of the paper work to (Y/N). They looked them over. 

“It’s like the scrawling of a mad man.” The sheriff said, "Talking about rituals and turning the weak into warriors. As far as we know, there are two other kids in the reports. Both of which were killed in the last attack. According to their parents, they only used their inhalers for emergencies or not at all.” 

“So the DEA was never able to take hold in their systems.” Mulder concluded, "That also means that Winterfield was trying to make more of him."

"That seems to be the case," The sheriff looked back at (Y/N), who was still reading, their face paler than before. The writings from when they were a child were disturbing, describing their body in great detail and how they were perfect to create the master race of lycanthropes.

"We suspect that he's in hiding, but we believe that he's going to come back for you, Agent (Y/L/N)." They looked up at the sheriff's words.

"What?" Their heart dropped.

"We would like to place you under house arrest at your motel until we can apprehend Winterfield. You will be with the best big game hunter in the area, as well as two deputies." The sheriff motioned to the large camo wrapped pickup truck in the other end of the parking lot.

"I-...Right. of course." (Y/N) looked down at the ground. Their fingers gripping the paperwork.

Mulder took notice to their hesitation, "Sheriff, can you give us a minute?" The sheriff nodded and went to speak with the hunter in the truck.

"(Y/L/N), what is it?"

They finally looked up from the papers to Mulder. He seemed genuinely concerned about them. There was a calming sense about him that made them want to relax, but, in this situation, it was nearly impossible.

"I understand why I need to be under lock and key, I do. But I don't feel right about not going after him too." They felt tears burn at their eyes. They were so emotionally exhausted after years of fear just culminating to this moment and they wouldn't get the resolve they wanted.

"Is this about your parents?" He asked.

They glanced at this eyes again, then stared back at his tie, "Partially."

"Aw, you're not worried about me, are ya?" He chuckled.

They met his eyes again, so green and full of determination. It's what (Y/N) liked about him. Fox Mulder may have been known around the bureau as Spooky Mulder, but no one saw the passion. All they saw were the Xfiles. And (Y/N) thought Mulder liked to keep it that way. He had been ridiculed his entire career. But he believed the weird, he believed the strange.

"Skinner didn't assign you as my partner," They blurted out without thinking much. But the fuel was already in the fire, they had to elaborate, "I made up the case file. I kept it secret from my friends at the office because I didn't want them to treat me like I was a joke. I took the case to Skinner and asked to be your partner. I knew you would take it seriously. I knew you would believe me." (Y/N) placed a hand on his arm and smiled weakly, "Please be careful. I don't want to lose anyone else." Before Mulder could speak, he watched (Y/L/N) make their way to the camo truck to speak with the big game hunter and the sheriff.

-

At the motel, they had been given a box of evidence from Winterfield's home to look through. The big game hunter, Rodger, was in the corner of the room facing the door, cleaning the silver bullets he had been given to him from the local jeweler in town. He was an interesting looking guy, the was tall and lean. But his hair was styled so one side of his head was shaved to the skin, 3 long pink scars ran from his crown to his temple.

He noticed their staring and nodded, "Bear."

"Excuse me?"

He pointed to the scars, "Grizzly in Alberta. Probably stood about twelve feet tall. Smacked me right here but I put three slugs between it's eyes. So I can handle your werewolf just fine." He loaded to shells into his shotgun.

"Bears act on instinct. When they feel their family or their territory is threatened they attack. This werewolf thinks just as well as he does as a human." They looked out the window and saw the sun lower in the sky, making their stomach feel like there was a sack of rocks pulling them down.

"You have nothing to worry about, uh...what are your uhh..."

"It's Agent."

-

The search in the woods around Winterfield's house wasn't showing any sign that he had been there recently. But what they did find was a body. In the basement of his home they found a decaying body shackled to the wall, almost mummified. But the anatomy was inhuman.

Mulder looked was looking over a map of the area that they had already searched, needing to use a flashlight now that darkness was setting in. He looked up when he saw the coroner, Dr. Sherman, making her way towards him and taking her gloves off.

"I've seen a lot of weird things, but nothing as crazy as that." She said.

"How so?"

"Well, when the guy died his bones had grown so much that they were splintering. His teeth were so large they cracked his jawbone. He died in a lot of pain." She said.

"Any similarities to the Mulligan boy?" The sheriff, who had walked up behind Mulder asked.

"Sort of. There were signs of the splintering and the cracks in the jaw but they had healed almost instantaneously. But I'm sure when the lab comes back with the results, they'll show DEA like you said, agent Mulder."

"Any luck?" He turned back to the sheriff.

"None. The dogs can't pick up a damn thing. And the tracks we saw lead off into the woods disappeared about a mile in."

Before Mulder could speak, his mobile phone started going off in his pocket.

"Excuse me," He said, stepping away from the group and standing by his car before answering, "Mulder."

"So we found some info on Winterfield." Frohike began, "Or lack of info."

"I couldn't find any family history on him. That is, until I found these articles from the sixties." Byers said, "His name was Lyle Montgomery. And when he was fourteen he went missing for a month in northern Michigan and when he was found, he was covered in blood but completely unharmed."

"There's another news article a month later from the same area saying that an entire family but one was mauled by a bear. The survivor was relocated, but we can't tell where because the adoption was closed." Langley chimed in, "But it was around the same time that we found the yearbook for Elkhorn high school showing their star quarterback."

"Winterfield." Mulder answered, "Thanks guys."

"You got it, Gunmen out." Frohike signed off and the line went dead.

As Mulder walked back to the group his phone rang again, he answered, "Mulder."

"Hey Fox, I think that uh we're not gonna find this guy. He outsmarted us." (Y/L/N) said.

"When did we start on a first name basis, (Y/N)? And it's not over, we're gonna find him." He said, his eyebrows knitted together in confusion at his partner's use of his first name. Not even Scully called him by his first name.

"No, I think I'm just gonna go home ."

"We can't go now. What happened to you wanting to finally end this? To move on from all this?" He was closer to the sheriff and the coroner now, who gave him confused looks as well.

"Fox, I need to go back home." They said again, more sternly this time.

Suddenly, his eyes widened, "(Y/L/N), is he there?"

"Yeah, I just need to hurry up and get home." There voice shook then, "I've decided to leave the bureau and just go home." They took a deep breath, sounding a little choked up.

"Goodbye, Fox." The line went dead.

"We need to get to the motel right now, he's got (Y/L/N)." Mulder had barely gotten the phone back in his pocket before running with the sheriff to his truck and leading the department towards the motel.

-

(Y/N) hung up the phone, a shaky hand setting it back down on the receiver. They avoided looking in the corner of the room where the majority of Rodger was still in the corner. They looked back at Winterfield. His hands were larger than usual and covered in dark hair. His eyes glowed red. He was spattered in blood from the deputies that he been outside and the big game hunter.

"You know he doesn't believe me." They said.

"Oh I know." There was a gravel to his voice that made it sound more animal, "But he's gotta write something when the FBI starts asking where you are." He grabbed their arm with his massive hand and began dragging them out of the room through the broken doorway.

"Wait!" They shouted, "Let me grab my bag. It'll be more believable for the crime scene photos."

"Fine," Winterfield let go, "Hurry up." He seemed on edge, turning his head from side to side as if he could hear something coming. They went to the side of the bed where their bag laid, there was blood from the hunter on it. Out of the corner of their eye, they saw the silver bullets.

Winterfield began angry, "Come on!" He grabbed them by the back of their neck.

"My bag!"

"Screw the bag!" He growled, pulling them outside. In the distance, they both saw the red and blue lights flashing and the sirens screaming the distance.

-

The cars screeched to a stop, the entire sheriff's department pointing their guns. Mulder called to the others, "Don't shoot, he's got a hostage!"

Then Winterfield seemed to shift before his very eyes, growing a long snout and large animal like arms and legs, all covered in thick dark hair. Still standing on his hind legs, he grabbed (Y/N) by their middle and took off into the woods near the motel.

"MULDER!" They called back, their voice fading into the darkness.

"(Y/L/N)!" He called back, leading the department and the canine unit into the woods after Winterfield.

"Mulder!" Their voice was farther away now.

"(Y/L/N)!" He stopped when he no longer saw tracks, looking around for any signs, "(Y/L/N)!"

------------------------------------------------------------------

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Read part 7 here!

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[queen-of-deans-booty]

Children Shouldn’t Play With Dead Things- Part 3

Pairing: Dean x Reader

Word Count: 2,886

Warnings: Typical Supernatural violence, angst, language, minor character death, blood, you know the usual,

Author’s Note: I do not own anything from Supernatural. All credit goes to their respective owners. Please, if you want to be tagged for this series, let me know and I’ll add you! If you want to be tagged for my other fics, I’ll add you! I want to hear what you guys think about this. If you want something requested, send it in!

Feedback is the glue that holds my writing together.

Tags at the bottom

.

Back at the motel, you thought you would get a clear head but turns out, Dean was still being an ass. He wasn’t speaking but just his presence was making your head spin. Dean was pacing the room and Sam was sitting on the bed with John’s journal, trying to figure out how to kill a zombie.

“Why can’t we kill it with one shot to the head? Have you seen The Walking Dead?” Dean said. You couldn’t stop thinking about the way Dean reacted. You saw the hurt in his eyes when he thought a man could bring his daughter back.

Dean wanted John back.

Dean wanted Mary back.

And you couldn’t give that to him.

“Dean, it doesn’t work that way.” Sam said, shaking his head.

“You’re telling me there is no way to kill them?” Dean said, oblivious to the fact that you were dying inside. You got up from one of the beds and walked out of the room, ignoring the calls and stares from the brothers.

You walked to the car, taking a deep breath, leaning on the trunk. Closing your eyes tightly. You wouldn’t be this way if there was something you could do for Dean that would help.

“Sweetheart.” Dean approached you. You sighed and opened your eyes, letting out a shaky sigh.

“I’m sorry, Dean.” You sniffled.

“For what?” He said, leaning against the car with you.

“I try my best to keep you happy. I try my best to keep you from dwelling in the past. But I know you know want John back. I can’t give that to you.” You sighed, looking down.

“Hey, don’t think like that. You do make me happy. You’ve made me happier than I have been in years. Yeah, I miss my dad and yes, I wish my mom was here but I have you. I’m sorry I’ve been acting like an ass. It’s just, it’s hard to express my feelings.” He said, looking down.

“Dean, I get you’re hurting. I am too. But please, don’t ever do that again. You scared me so much back there. It was like I didn’t know you at all.” You said, holding his hand tightly.

“I’m sorry. When it comes to my mom and dad, I get very sensitive about them.”

“You mean defensive. You’re acting like it was your fault they died,” You looked at him but he didn’t give you a response. “Dean, your mother dying was not your fault. You were 5 years old.”

“It’s not my mom I was talking about.” He said quietly.

“John? Dean, that wasn’t your fault.” You said quietly.

“Y/N, I was supposed to have died. What’s dead should stay dead. I shouldn’t have come back.” Dean said, unshed tears in his eyes.

“Dean, don’t say that. You didn’t die. I don’t know what I would have done if you didn’t come back.” You said, clenching your jaw.

“I’m here now.” He said, pulling you into his side.

“This isn’t going to be easy but just know you always have me, even when you don’t always have yourself.” You said, leaning your head against his chest.

“Guys, I think I found something.” Sam said, popping his head outside.

“We’ll be right there.” Dean said, not ready to go back in yet.

“You know, one of these days, we need to take a weekend off and you and me will go away. Just somewhere, forget about the world for a couple of days.” You suggested.

“Yeah, that would be nice.” He chuckled. You stayed like that a little longer when you decided to head back to Sam.

“What did you find, Sammy?” You said, looking at him.

“Silver works. Well, I don’t know if it will kill her but it will do some damage. While you two were out there, I was reading her words and she and Neil seemed pretty close. I think if it wasn’t her dad that summoned her back, it has to be him. He’s a TA for Dr. Mason so that would explain the symbols.”

“Okay, then we should head over there now.” You said, grabbing your jacket.

It was the middle of the night when you got to Neil’s house. Sam and Dean wasted no time breaking into the place. You held out your gun that was loaded with silver bullets, in front of you.

“Hello? Neil?! It's your grief counselors.” Dean said, holding his gun up.

“You sure these silver bullets will work?” You asked Sam.

“Yeah, pretty damn sure.” You noticed wilted plants earywhere and knew this man was the reason behind the murders whether he knew it or not. You walked through the empty house, not taking any risks until you came to the basement door. It was closed but not locked.

“Open it.” You looked at Sam and he nodded, opening the door slowly. He led the way with you right behind him and Dean last. You crept down the stairs but the basement was like the rest of the house.

“Where are they if they aren’t here?” You asked Dean. He walked to a loose crate against the back wall and moved it, seeing a hole in the wall. That is how she gets in and out of the house.

“Alright, well, she killed Matt because he was cheating, right?” Dean asked, thinking hard.

“Yeah.” Sam said, shrugging.

“It takes two to tango. It just seemed that Angela’s roommate was really broken up about Matt’s death.”

“Okay, then we go save her before it’s too late.”

You rushed to Lindsey’s house. You didn’t even know there was a roommate before Dean mentioned her. Apparently, he was caught in Angela’s house and things went downhill from there.

You rushed into Angela’s house, hearing clattering and a scream. You had your gun out, letting Sam and Dean go ahead of you. You barged into the kitchen just in time to see Angela, holding scissors over Lindsey’s body.

Dean shot Angela several times and she stumbled back with a scream. Sam got a shot in there in Angela’s chest. She recovered quickly and jumped out the window, escaping.

“Go! Get her!” You said to Sam and Dean. They nodded and because they were the fastest, they were to chase after her. You ran to Lindsey and helped her up.

“It’s okay, she’s gone. You’re okay.” She was hyperventilating and she looked at you for help.

“Breathe with me” You took her hand and placed it over your lung area so she could get a feel to how you were breathing. She was still freaking out but she calmed her breathing a bit.

“Damn, that dead chick can really run.” Dean said as he came back. Sam breathed heavily behind him, going to you to help Lindsey.

“What now?” You asked, looking at the poor girl.

“I say we go have a little chat with Neil.” Dean said, shaking his head.

“Okay, Lindsey, Angela won’t bother you again. Okay? Just keep the doors and windows locked. She won’t be able to come in if they’re locked. Well, it’ll slow her down, really.” You said to Lindsey who nodded slowly. She was still processing this and you nodded, grabbing your gun and following Sam and Dean to the Impala.

Okay, now it was time to visit Neil. This night was going to be a long one. You got in the car and not long after that, Dean was speeding down the road to Neil’s house.

“So, silver bullets did something to her.” Sam said, looking at John’s journal.

“Yeah, something, but not enough. What else you got?” Dean asked.

“Okay, the other thing that was common besides silver was nailing the undead in their coffins.”

“Are you kidding me?” Dean said, looking at his brother.

“Don’t get mad at me. It wasn’t like I came up with this shit.” Sam defended himself.

“How the hell are we going to get Angela back to her grave?” You said from the back. No one answered you. You didn’t know what you were going to do.

“I have an idea. Sorry, Sammy.” Dean said before he revealed anything.

“What the hell are you thinking?” Sam looked at his brother.

“We’ll have a nice chat with Neil and then go back to her grave. You just gotta be the bait.” Dean said slowly.

“The bait, why? Why can’t Y/N?”

“Sam, I don’t think she’s into girls, if you know what I mean and Dean isn’t her type at all. That’s what I gather from her diary. Sam, she goes for guys like you.” You said, holding the girl’s diary.

“You got to be kidding me.” Sam muttered. IT wasn’t like he wasn’t going to do it but he wouldn’t be happy about it.

Dean got to Neil’s house pretty quickly and walked right through the front door. Neil was sitting in the dark room, nervous. You felt Angela in the room. You just didn’t know where she was.

“What are you guys doing here?” Neil asked, his voice light.

“You know, I've heard of people doing some pretty desperate things to get laid, but you -- you take the cake.” Dean said, chuckling humorlessly.

“Okay, who the hell are you guys?” Neil asked, his voice a bit stronger.

“Ask Angela.” You said.

“What are you talking about?” Yep, there goes the breathy voice again.

“We know what you did, Neil. We know about the ritual on Angela.” Dean said, done with the bull shit.

“You're crazy.” Neil scoffed.

“Your girlfriend's past her expiration date and we're crazy? When someone's gone they should stay gone. You don't mess with that kind of stuff.” Dean said, getting pissed again. You put a hand to his and he backed off a little.

“Angela killed Matt. She tried to kill Lindsey.” Sam tried another approach.

“I don't know what you're talking about.” Neil tried to deny everything. Dean’s coil snapped and he stomped over to him before you could do anything about it. He grabbed Neil by the collar and pulled him real close.

“Hey! No more crap, Neil. Matt’s blood is on your hands. Now, we can take care of this and make it right. Just tell us where she is!” Dean growled at him.

“My house, she’s at my house.” Neil said, frightened. Dean let him go but you knew he was lying. You looked around the room and saw dead plants by the door.

“You sure about that?” You asked, your eyes narrowing.

“Listen, it doesn’t really matter where she is. There is only one way to stop her and that’s preforming a ritual over her grave. It reverses the one you did,” Dean said, raising his voice a little. You didn’t know what he was talking about but you went with it, staying silent with Sam.

“We’re going to need a shit load of things and we have every item with us. It’s very complicated but it’ll get the job done. She’ll be dead again in a couple of hours. You should come with us.” Neil wasn’t saying anything and Dean wasn’t someone to mess with right now.

“I’m serious, Neil. Leave with us, right now.” Dean said in a serious tone, his face going hard.

“No, no.” Neil said, sweat breaking out on his forehead and he started to get really nervous. Dean leaned in, lowering his voice so that he wasn’t too loud. Angela was here and she was listening.

“Listen to me. Get out of here as soon as you can. But most of all, be cool. No sudden movements. Don't make her mad.” Dean gave the poor man a tight smile before backing away.

“Let’s go.” You said softly, following Sam and Dean out of the place. Dean took you and Sam to the cemetery, to Angela’s grave with candles to make this look like you were really going to do this.

“You really think this is going to work?” You asked, lighting some candles.

“No, not really. But it was the only thing I could come up with.” Dean said, doing the same thing.

“Dean, you’re very smart. This will work if you think it will work.” You commented.

“Listen, this girl is dangerous. I know you hate being left out but if you could just hang back? Okay?” Dean asked you.

“Wait, what? Dean, no, you need backup. Sam will need backup.” You looked at your boyfriend.

“I know but I can’t do this correctly if I’m worrying about you.”

“Dean, this has never come up on the past hunts, why are you saying this now?” You asked, looking at Sam who shrugged.

“I know. But please? Will you stay away until she is dead?” He looked at you and with the lighting of the candles, you could see his eyes were brimmed with tears.

“Sure.” You nodded, knowing he was in tremendous amount of pain. You wanted to help and if staying away was helping, you would do it. Dean nodded and looked down. You heard a noise, like branches snapping and looked up and around the place.

No one was there. Sam got up after a nod of approval from Dean and took out his gun from the small of his back. You stood up and walked to the nearest grave and hid behind it. You didn’t want to go that far just in case Dean or Sam really needed your help.

Sam walked with the gun out in front of him, going to one part of the cemetery while Dean went the other way, to hide until he saw Sam run back. Sam was the bait in this tricky plan but you wanted to see what would happen.

Sam and Dean were gone for a while until you heard a gunshot. You gasped and took out your own gun, ready to step in if you needed to. Suddenly, you saw Sam run out from the trees with Angela right on his tail.

Damn, that bitch is fast.

She chased Sam and tackled him, knocking the gun out of his hand. She grabbed his face and was about to snap his neck when Dean came out from the shadows, shooting Angela in the back. She cried out and tumbled forwards, getting up and looking at Dean who shot her multiple times until she fell right where she belonged.

Dean booked it, running as fast as he could to the grave, sliding inside with a silver sword in his hands. Upon landing, you assumed he completed the job. You didn’t see him after he disappeared below the ground. And if she was safely inside her grave, you were safe to get out.

You ran to the grave, looking inside to see Dean breathing heavily and Angela dead again.

“What's dead should stay dead.” Dean said, glaring at the now dead body.

It took you three all morning but you managed to cover up the grave, putting the dirt back in place. You wished you wore your gym attire since you were sweaty from lifting a ton of dirt all night.

“Rest in peace.” Sam said nicely.

“Yeah, for good this time.” You panted, leaning against the shovel.

“Sweetheart, you out of shape?” Dean smirked, looking at you.

“Shut the fuck up, Dean. I am fit and you know it. I just don’t have that many muscles as you guys do.” You glared at your boyfriend playfully. Dean laughed and nodded, turning around and headed for the car.

“I think she broke my hand.” Sam complained, shaking his hand a bit.

“You're just too fragile. We'll get it looked at later.” Dean laughed. You put the shovels in the trunk but looked back at Dean to see him staring at his mother’s grave.

“You want to stay a while?” You asked him softly. Dean kept staring at the grave, not saying a word for a while.

“No.” He turned away and got into the car, starting it up. You sighed a bit and got in before he left you. You were on the road in no time. The whole car was silent, no music playing, no one talking, just the sound of the wind as you zoomed down.

But then Dean pulled over and got out, resting on the hood. He wanted to talk and you let Sam be on the receiving end. Sam needed to hear this too. You couldn’t always be the one to take care of Dean. You would like to but Sam was Dean’s brother.

He deserved to know what was going on. Sam got out and started talking with his brother. The windows were down so you could hear what they were saying.

“You Y/N, and Dad are the most important people in my life. And now... I never should've come back, Sam. It wasn't natural. And now look what's come of it. I was dead. And I should have stayed dead. You wanted to know how I was feeling. Well, that's it. So tell me. What could you possibly say to make that all right?”

You were crying with every word he said. He was so broken inside and you wished it would all go away. You wanted to make it better.

But sometimes, you couldn’t.

And you hated that.

The Queens:

@maddieburcham1 @ginamsmith @mogaruke @whit85-blog@inlovewithbja @spn67-sister@kdfrqqg@jarpadandjensenaremyheroes@roxyspearing@supercalifragilistic26 @mishamigose@cobrakai1967@essie1876@innernightwerewolf@wishedworld@justanotherdeangirl@crispychrissy @laqueus-ludovicus@nostalgic-uncertainty @jerk-bitch-and-an-angel@potterhead1265@starswirlblitz @untitled39887@ta-n-ja @deans-fallen-angel-boy@scarletluvscas @notnaturalanahi

Series Rewrite Junkies:

@helllonearth@amyisabellal@deanwnchstr@caseykitten6@roxalya19@quixoticcat@supernaturalblogging@notmoose45@crowleysminion@mina22@tahbehonest @spn-applepie-imagines@hadleymcallister2177 @destielsangels@spnhybrid

Dean Beans:

@akshi8278 @mega-mrs-dean-winchester@winchesterandpie@spn-dean-and-sam-winchester @spn-applepie-imagines@tahbehonest @carribear31@tacklesackles @oreosatmidnight

[kitchenwitchsuperwhovian]

The Things I Should Have Done

Pairings/ Characters: Dean x Reader, Sam, Castiel, Crowley. Bobby and the British Men of Letters (mentioned)

Summary: Final part in my series, There are Worse Things I Could Do. The reader is taken by Crowley and the Winchesters try to get her back.

Prompts: None

Word count: 4,830

Warnings: Angst, emotional upheaval, fear, anger, closure ending in a little fluff.

A/N: This is the final part to the original challenge fic, There are Worse Things I Could Do. Many thanks to those who stuck by me in this series. Also to my beta, @leatherwhiskeycoffeeplaid, for putting up with my lack of a soul towards my word-vomit.  @ekinsyikin, you get a tag because of your ask about doing a part 2 (and now a part 3) to my original fic.

*Italics are flashbacks* *

“Out with it Sammy. Did you find her?” Dean asks hesitantly.

“Dean, it looks like she’s...well she’s…” Sam stutters and stalls while trying to think of a way to soften the blow that’s coming.

“She’s what Sam? Where does it say she’s at?” Dean shouts in frustration and anger. 

“It says that she’s at the house that I was taken to by the British Men of Letters…”

Dean is stock still in shock as his heart races in fear. Sam was gone for a few days and look at the damage that was done to him and Y/N has been gone for six months. Six months of possible abuse, torture, and God knows what else. Cas and Sam look at the way Dean pales and takes a step back as if he was hit. When Dean bends down to take a deep breath to keep from hyperventilating, Sam and Cas are instantly by his side, picking him up and placing him in the nearest chair.

“What if she can’t be saved?” Dean tearfully asks Sam in anguish.

Sam can only try to placate Dean because Sam knows best that being held captive there for a few days was one of the worst experiences of his life and he was once locked in the Cage with Lucifer. Sam prays that when they do find Y/N, that she hasn’t been broken beyond repair.

BMoL Safe House

“Now, Y/N. What to do with you now that those pesky Winchester’s know where you are? I could just kill you or torture you to the point of you begging for death or….” Crowley trails off as a sudden inspiration takes hold.  “I know what would cause the most damage and finally keep those bloody bastards off my tail for good. Oh mummy dearest, you can come out now.”

“Fergus.” Rowena states with such disgust that it practically makes those in the room want to gag in sickness.

“I have one last task for you and we shall never have to see each other again. You can even have it in writing.” Crowley states in triumph as a spark of glee shines in his mother’s eyes before she narrows her gaze in distrust.

“Fergus, you have never done anything in the kindness of your black heart so get on with it. What is the catch?” Rowena asks in trepidation.

“I need you to take Y/N here and alter her perception of her relationship with the Winchesters. I want her to become enemy number one to the brothers and I don’t want the Winchester’s purse dog to be able to heal her with his grace. So anything that accomplishes that, long term of course, is good enough for me. What do you say?” Crowley asks with a smugness that rubs Rowena the wrong way.

“Magic like that takes a lot of planning and the right kind of spell to hold for that length of time. I may have seen something like it once but that book is now lost...correct Fergus?” Rowena asks Crowley with a smirk of knowing that makes him squirm in discomfort.

Little did Crowley know but Rowena still has the Book of the Damned. She secreted it away when the whole mess with Dean and the Mark of Cain went down which unknowingly released the Darkness from the Cage. The Book stated that in order for a curse to be cast, another equally harsh curse must be released upon the completion of the “cure.”

 “Fergus, we have a wee problem.” Rowena sings sickeningly sweet.

 “What could possibly been wrong now? The Winchesters are on their way, Lucifer’s child is free and out in the world, and I still have you to contend with.” Crowley growls at his mother in rage.

 “Fergus, shut it. This one is warded against magic. She may be poisoned currently by the Djinn we paid but there is no telling how long it will last.” Rowena huffed in annoyance as she prepared to walk out the room and away from her dreadful son.

 When the Winchesters and Y/N first met and worked with Rowena, Y/N had Castiel place an anti-magic warding on her ribs using some of Rowena’s blood and hair from a fight she was in earlier that day. When Castiel asked why, Y/N stated that the look in Rowena’s eyes when using her magic is the same look that Ezekiel had when he was trying to make his bid for more power. Y/N’s reasoning was that no amount of power will ever be enough to satisfy Rowena.

 “Where do you think you are going? We still have some things to do before those bloody boys come and try to ruin our fun. Just give her another dose of the poison and we can go. Who cares if she lives or dies as long as she distracts the Winchesters until our work is done. Now come on.” Crowley threatens Rowena as he drags her, fighting and screaming out of the house and off to finish whatever Y/N had stumbled across.

Three Hours Later

“Cas, can you sense if the warding is still up? Sam and I will circle around back to see if we run into any of Crowley’s lackeys.” Dean mutters angrily as he checks and rechecks his weapons.  Both custom guns are loaded with witch killing and devil’s trap bullets and his silver machete is strapped to his leg holster as Sam grabs the shotgun and his own machete before slamming Baby’s trunk closed.

“Dean, the warding is gone and I can sense Y/N but she is very faint. We need to hurry.” Castiel explains before he disappears in a small gust of wind.  “Dean!” Castiel yells from inside the house in a panicked shout that has Sam and Dean kicking down doors to find them quicker.  In the basement, a cot is chained to the floor and Cas is leaning over a small frame, trying to get a pulse. At the shocked gasps of surprise at the state of the body, Castiel looks up in pain as both boys rush to the bed.  

Sam is afraid that they were too late as Dean is shocked to see Y/N’s state of distress.  There are multiple slices across her arms and legs and a particularly nasty one from sternum to hip bone on her right side. It looks like she put up one hell of a fight against whatever Crowley did to her.  There is dried blood and glass in her hair by the right side of her forehead and defensive scratched on both hands.

“Dean, we need to get her to a hospital. I can’t heal her. Something is preventing me from healing her with my grace. We have to hurry because she’s fading fast. Dean!” Castiel shakes Dean out of his stupor and repeats that she needs a hospital.  Dean gently carries Y/N’s body bridal style out of the the house and places her in the backseat of Baby. He tosses the keys to Sam and gruffly tells him to drive.  Dean shakily gets in with Y/N and cradles her closely as Sam speed off into the night.

“Kid, you gotta be alright. We have so much to talk about and I have a lot to make up for. Just hang on sweetheart and don’t give up. Please.” Dean whispers into her hair as silent tears track down his face. Sam occasionally looks in the mirror at Dean and Y/N and prays to Chuck that everything will work out. Dean needs Y/N and if she was to die, Sam doesn’t know what Dean would do to get her back.

It seems like hours later (but it’s only been fifteen minutes), Sam parks in the Emergency Entrance and yells that they need help. A nurse and doctor ask what’s wrong as Sam makes up a story about their friend being in a car accident and how she won’t wake up. Dean and Sam are stopped at the entrance to the ER and are told to wait in the lobby, fill out her paperwork and as soon as the doctor is done with Y/N, she will be out to talk about her condition.

Three hours later, the doctor comes out of the ER with a tired and pained expression on her face until she spots the brothers pacing her lobby.  

“Relatives of Y/N Y/L/N?” Dr. S. Goodman asks out loud.  Sam and Dean stop their pacing and have a silent conversation as they walk over to the doctor.

“We are Y/N’s friends. She has no one left but us.” Sam states calmly while Dean nervously clenches and unclenches his fists, trying not to freak out and yell out his questions on how Y/N is doing.

“Come into my office down the hall and I’ll fill you in on the situation. Please.” Dr. Goodman directs the boys to the first office on the right and sits behind her desk sedately. “Please shut the door. I promise that it’s not bad news, as of yet.”

Dean gives her a funny look and Sam itches to grab his gun and start demanding answers.  Castiel pops into the office and when the doctor doesn’t freak out or flinch, the boys become even more surprised and a little suspicious of the doctor.

“Saranya good to see you although I wish it was under better circumstances.” Castiel smiles grimly at the doctor as she hugs him tight.

“I as well Castiel. So these are the Winchesters I take it and my patient is another hunter?” Saranya asks calmly as both Dean and Sam leap out of their chairs and aim their guns at the doctor.

“Dean, Sam, put the guns down. Saranya’s father was a small time hunter, mostly vampires until the British Men of Letters had him killed last year.  This hospital has a separate ward for hunters alone. She has seen many a creature related injury treated successfully here. So, Saranya what is wrong with our friend?” Cas asks as both Dean and Sam slowly sit back down.

“Y/N is suffering from Djinn poisoning however the scratches and cuts along her body are from a car accident. It looks like she hit her head on either the windshield or side window and was dragged out of the car across the broken glass. I found a couple of shards of glass still embedded in her skin. The thing I am worried about most is the poison.  She’s been under for three, maybe five days at the most but she has a newer puncture mark on her right arm that is most unsettling.  She was injected with a second dose of poison.”

“What does that mean, doc?” Sam asks as Dean’s hearing becomes muffled upon hearing that she was poisoned a second time by Crowley.  His hearing re-sharpens as Sam suggests that someone go into her dream-world and wake her up.

“I’ll do it. I can go in and wake her up. I just hope she is in the good dreams world not the nightmares.” Dean volunteers and is surprised when no one tries to stop him.

They decide that Y/N needs to be moved to a more secure room and while Dean is under the effects of the poison, he will be closely monitored in case there is an issue. Sam and Dean discuss possible ways to convince Y/N that the Djinn dream/nightmare isn’t real and to wake up by killing herself. Castiel and Dr. Goodman discuss her treatment upon waking along with any new information about the British Men of Letters situation.

“Now Dean, you’ll feel a pinch and the poison should take effect almost immediately. Castiel will link you to Y/N’s world so it’s up to you to find her and get you both out. Be careful. You don’t know what she’s experiencing but to her, it is as real as you and me.” Dr.Goodman gravely reminds Dean as he lays on the bed and gets the monitoring sensors attached to his head and chest.

Dean closes his eyes as he starts to feel the effects of the poison enter his system.  When he opens his eyes, he sees the map room in the bunker and Def Leppard’s Rock of Ages is blasting through the speakers.  Suddenly, Y/N comes sliding into the room and starts singing into her hairbrush, eyes closed and hips swinging as she belts out the lyrics at the top of her lungs.

“Y/N?” Dean asks as he cautiously approaches her with hands help up in a non-threatening way.

Y/N’s eyes pop open wide and she squeals Dean’s name before dropping the hairbrush and running into his arms. She hugs him tight and then surprises him completely by kissing him deeply and passionately.

They break apart to catch their breath and Y/N grins widely at Dean before placing a quick peck on his lips.  She takes him by the hand and leads him into the kitchen where pots and pans are sizzling and smoking on the stove.

“Babe, I’m glad you’re home early but is Sam okay enough to finish up without you? Last time you left early, Sam almost dropped that ‘75 Chevy on himself changing the oil. So, what’s going on?” Y/N asks while she stirs a couple of pots before grabbing some veggies from the cutting board and throwing them into the sizzling pan to cook.

Dean just watches Y/N bustle around the kitchen and lets himself momentarily imagine that this was their life. He and Sam work on cars while she’s at home waiting for him to come home. They have a normal life with everyday, normal problems. He hates for her to lose this dream but in the real world, she’s dying slowly.  So Dean takes a deep breath and prays that she can forgive him for what he’s about to do.

“Y/N, can you stop and look at me for a minute? This is really important.” Dean asks softly while gently turning her away from the stove.

She turns off the burners and chides him gently with hands on her hips. “Dean, it better be an apology for ruining the surprise dinner I spent months planning for our first wedding anniversary mister.  I even have Charlie watching Emily Rose for the weekend so we can have some alone time. I know that she’s our daughter but at three months old, I need a break before I shoot someone. So what’s up babe? You look so serious…” Y/N rambles as Dean quickly kisses her silent. The kiss lasts for a while as he puts all of his feelings into the kiss. He reluctantly pulls back and whispers that he is sorry.

“Sorry for what?” Y/N whispers against his lips.  She has a confused look on her face as Dean takes a deep breath and says that he’s sorry for what’s about to happen.

“Y/N, you were in a car accident and if that wasn’t bad enough, you were taken by Crowley and poisoned by a Djinn. Sam and I found you and took you to a hospital where Cas and a friend of his are trying to heal you. You know what you need to do to wake up sweetheart. You need to kill yourself.” Dean states sadly as he absentmindedly rub his hands up and down Y/N’s arms.

Y/N pulls herself away from Dean and faces the sink. Her head lowers and he hears her mumbling to herself.

“Y/N, you knew this was too good to be true. Come on, you knew that this wasn’t real. Dean would never fall for a girl like you. And this is all just a dream, a fantasy. You aren’t married to Dean and have a beautiful daughter. Charlie is still dead and you, Sam, and Dean are still hunters. There is no happy endings or happily ever afters in this life.” Y/N murmurs to herself as Dean steps close and pulls her into a hug.

“Thanks Dean, for having my back even though I left.” Y/N removes herself from his arms and grabs the knife from the counter as she turns to face Dean. She gives him a sad, resigned smile and gasps when she plunges the knife into her abdomen.She disappears and Dean takes the same knife and plunges it into his heart. He jolts awake as he hears Castiel tell Y/N welcome back.

Dean looks over at Y/N as she shakily gives Sam a hug and cries softly into his shirt. Dr. Goodman checks over Y/N and Dean’s vitals and assures Castiel and Sam that with a little bed rest and some antibiotics, Y/N should be discharged within the week. Sam thanks her and escorts her out of the room with Castiel so Dean and Y/N can talk in private.

Y/N shakily props herself up higher on the bed to get comfortable while Dean detaches the sensors from his person.  He’s about to say something but Y/N puts her hand up to stop him.

“Dean, I’m seriously exhausted and in pain so can we just not talk about what I saw in the dream until I’m a hundred percent? Then I promise to answer all your questions, including why I left and stayed away for so long.” Y/N exclaims while Dean can visibly see her energy levels drop and she has a hard time keeping her eyes open.

“Whatever you want sweetheart. Just get better and we’ll talk then. Sweet dreams, Y/N.” Dean whispers as Y/N’s soft snores echo throughout the room.

Dean lays his head back and just stares at the ceiling, thinking about everything he saw in Y/N’s dream world. They were married, had a little girl, and Sam and him had a garage.  The main thing that sticks in Dean’s mind is the fact that they were happy and in love.  ‘If it was her true feelings coming to life, then did that mean that she loves him and wants this kind of life with him?  And if she loves him, will she be okay if she finds that he doesn’t feel the same way?’

Dean drifts off to a light sleep as memories of him and Y/N flit through his dreams on an endless loop.

Four Months Later

“Ready for that talk sweetheart?  Doc Goodman said that you were good as new last week so I gave you an extra week to think about having this conversation. Don’t I deserve some explanation for your disappearing act? Or the fact that Crowley had to be the one to lead us to you? Or the fact that you could have died and I would have never known what had happened to you? Or to tell you…” Dean angrily states while pacing her bedroom floor.

“Dean, sit down. Your pacing is making me dizzy. And if you would shut up for a second, I could give you the answers you are looking for.” Y/N states in a calm and collected manner.

“So, to begin with I want to say I’m sorry. Sorry for running instead of talking to you both. And for not keeping in touch. I needed some time to come to terms with some personal stuff and I should have been a better friend.” Y/N stated softly while looking down at her wringing hands so she missed the wince Dean gave at the mention of them being “friends.”

“Y/N, no need to apologize. I get needing some space but please come to us instead of running away from your issues. I know that I’m the pot calling the kettle black at running away from the serious emotional stuff. But know that Sam and I are here if you need anything, okay?” Dean states calmly as he sits next to Y/N on the bed.

Y/N takes a moment to screw up her courage and tell Dean the main reason for her absence. As the silence grows, an obvious tension grows between the adults that makes both uncomfortable with unanswered questions.

“Dean, I need you to stay quiet while I explain until I’m finished or I’m never going to get this all out.” Y/N speaks in a somewhat calm manner as she holds Dean’s questioning stare. He nods his assent and motions for her to start.

Taking a deep breath to calm her racing heart, Y/N explains how she’s been slowly falling in love with Dean and feeling like less of a woman with each barmaid and waitress Dean takes back to the motel. The night she left was the final straw as Y/N realized that he doesn’t feel the same way and she needed some time and space to get over him. Dean’s face is a blank mask as a riot of emotions races through his system. The emotion at the forefront is guilt. Guilt for the way he made her feel like less of the awesome female she is. Fear and anger are a close second because he’s coming to the conclusion that he almost got her killed. And the last is regret because no matter how he looks at it, Y/N will get hurt because he loves her like he loves Sam, as family.

Dean realizes that she’s gone silent and is waiting for him to talk or say something to her declaration of love. Dean gulps around the regret in his heart and tries to speak a couple of times but always stops short of actually saying anything. With each minute that passes and Dean still doesn’t speak, Y/N’s expression becomes more morose and her eyes begin to fill with tears. Her quiet sniffle has Dean looking at Y/N sharply and he grabs her and hugs her tight as the dam breaks and she sobs into his chest.

“Sweetheart, I am so sorry for any pain I have unintentionally caused you. I never thought that who I hooked up with would make you feel less than the awesome, amazing and badass hunter you are. No, before you say anything, let me say my piece.  First, I am honored that someone like you could find things to love about me even though I’m broken beyond repair. Hell, even Sam has those days where he hates me almost as much as I hate myself.  Secondly, I….I’m sorry that I can’t be the one to love you like you deserve. You should have someone love you with every fiber of their being and when you find that someone, know that Sam and I will be happy for you. You are an important part of my family but that is all I feel for you. I know that you can’t help loving who you do but maybe with some time, it fades to affection.  Please remember that I am not intentionally trying to hurt you but I just thought that you should know upfront how I feel so you don’t get hurt anymore than you already are.” Dean murmurs into Y/N’s hair as he strokes calming circles on her back as her sobs turn into occasional sniffles. With a huge sigh, Y/N pulls from Dean’s grasp and sits back on the bed emotionally spent.

“Thanks Dean for being honest. I guess you really can’t choose who you love but you can choose your friends. In the spirit of being friends, I guess you’d like to know where I was for those six months, huh? I wasn’t hunting if that’s what you were thinking. I went to Bobby’s old shipyard and had a new house and garage built. I’ve been working my way through the junkyard, selling what I could so I could set up a new contact base for other hunters. I kept thinking about the huge hole in the network that Bobby left and so I started to reach out to other hunters about a possible replacement. My first choice was Garth but with Bess and the kids, they could potentially be in constant danger so I’ve taken over temporarily. About a week before you found me, I felt like someone was following me so I tried to head into town for cover but was in the crash about a mile out. The next thing I know, you are waking me from the dream world. Which reminds me, do you think that Cas can search for a proper replacement at the junkyard? I would do it but I think I still need a little time before jumping back into the hunting life, ya’ know?”

Dean stares at Y/N in shock as he realizes that even though she was gone, she wasn’t absent in their lives. She was still in the thick of things, trying to keep them safe and informed to the best of her abilities. Dean comes to the realization that he would rather lose her to the network than to lose her in a hunt gone wrong.

“Y/N, don’t take this the wrong way but you’re an idjit, as Bobby would’ve said. You did more for us hunters while working the network than in the last five years hunting.  Bobby would’ve been so proud of you for keeping other hunters safe so…..I can’t believe I’m gonna say this. You need to leave. You would be so much more useful to us as the main contact in the hub. I guess with the constant threats of the Apocalypse and dealing with the Mark and the Darkness, the network fell apart.  I mean just look at the cluster fuck that was the situation with the British Men of Letters. If we would have has the network running like before, we may have not lost so many hunters. We need you to be the glue that holds us together and maybe with some time apart, we can become better at being a family.” Dean says quietly while watching Y/N’s face for any kind of reaction to his little speech.

When Y/N does look into his eyes, he sees a spark that, if he was honest with himself, he missed seeing in longer than he can remember. She smiles widely and hugs him tight before running out of the bedroom, yelling for Sam and Castiel.

When both men holler that they’re in the map room, Y/N races down the hall and into Sam’s arms. She’s laughing hysterically with tears running down her cheeks as she keeps repeating the words, “I’m going to be the new Bobby!” over and over again. Dean leans against the wall, crosses his arms against his chest, and chuckles as the dumbfounded expression on Cas and Sam’s faces.

Dean steps into the room and explains what she has been up to at Bobby’s and how she will be taking over the network. Both men nod their assent and understanding and Y/N notices the wistful expression on Sam’s face.

“What’s going on in that big brain of yours Sam-I-Am?” Y/N teases Sam while hugging Castiel.

“You’re leaving us again. But I know that we could really use someone like you to keep the network strong. So I guess we’ll see you when we’re in the area then?” Sam asks with a smirk on his face.

“You better or I’ll personally drag you back by the ears and cut that glorious mane of yours.” Y/N states with malicious glee.

“I too am glad that you have found a place and purpose that suits you. And you seem happy but sad at the same time. I shall drop in to see to your wellness on occasion as well, Y/N. We shall miss you.” Castiel states stoically.

All three men surround Y/N in a tight hug and her last thought before packing and leaving the bunker is that this may be one of the best things she has ever done.

[kaywinchester]

Secrets

Anonymous Requested: Hey! Can I request a fluffy platonic!reader x Sam x Dean x Cas fic in which they treat the reader like a little sister (around 21 yo), but she joined the team recently so they don’t know much about her and don’t know that she has depression. She’s really sweet and hates violence and prefers staying back at the motels on hunts to avoid panic attacks. On one hunt Sam Dean and Cas come earlier than expected and realise that the reader is having a panic attack and help her. 

Warnings: fluff, depression, panic attack, mentions of self harm.

A/N: This one was very interesting to write. Sorry if it sucks but I hope it’s okay.

Tags:

 @fangirl-moment-x

Sam and Dean found you because of a case. It was a werewolf. You were one of the victims and before it could kill you, Sam and Dean found you and took you to safety. You were alone, you had just lost your apartment and you didn’t have any family to stay with. You would have died if it weren’t for Sam and Dean, Cas too.  They took you in and treated you like family, they treated you like a little sister. You felt like you’ve known them forever. When they first told you about hunting, you were a little surprised at the idea, but eventually found yourself being okay with it. You didn’t like the dirty work of the job, the fighting, killing, all of the weapons and blood. You preferred to stay back in the motel rooms or the bunker to avoid having panic attacks. The boys knew you had a little bit of anxiety, but they didn’t know you were mildly depressed. You started to become depressed after your parents died, you were on your own. It was hard for you, trying to keep a stable job so you could pay rent. Being with Sam and Dean made things just a little bit better, but your depression still lingered. 

You were sitting at the table in the motel room. Sam sat across from you and Dean sat next to you. You three were working on a case and were coming close to wrapping it up. 

“Okay, we need to find good leads of where this thing might be.” Dean said sternly.

Sam was flipping through the latest pictures from the crime scene. “Dean look at this.” Sam said holding up the pictures. The pictures were of the dead bodies that were found near a lake they investigated. There were distinct claw marks on each victim. 

Dean looked at them with curiosity, but you took one glance since the pictures were facing your way and you wanted to throw up.

“Sam stop, put them down.” You said putting your face into your hands.

Sam forgot for a second that you hated all the blood and gore. Seeing things like that made your stomach twist. “Oh, sorry Y/N.” Sam said sympathetically.

You quickly tried to calm yourself down and slow your heart rate. You got up to go and get some water when Cas appeared. “Dean.” Cas said in his monotone voice. Dean looked up from his work. “"The werewolf is nearby, it’s getting ready to attack it’s next victim. You guys better hurry if you want to get this thing.” Cas said. 

The boys stood up and organized their workspace. They gathered their weapons. The silver knife and the silver bullets to kill the werewolf. They were walking to the door when they stopped and turned to you. You were leaning against the counter with a glass of water.

“You gonna be okay?” Sam asked. “Y-yeah, I think I can handle myself.” You said calmly. Dean took a small pistol out of his pocket and slid it across the table towards you. “Just in case, it’s fully loaded. Call us if you need anything.” Dean said with a small smile. “Thanks.” You said smiling back. Dean taught you the basics on shooting, just in case you ever needed to use a gun. The boys walked out the door. You heard the engine of the impala start and get quieter as they drove away. 

________________

You were alone in the motel room. It was quiet. Almost too quiet. You were still doing a bit of research, flipping through the pages of notes, scrolling through the information on Sam’s laptop. You were going through more of the papers scattered on the table when you came across the crime scene pictures. You stared at them. You wanted to flip them over and push them away but you were frozen. You started to feel hot, you were shaking a little. You finally pushed the images out of your face and stood up from your chair. You took a deep breath and walked over to one of the beds.

“I should take a break.” You instructed yourself.

You laid yourself down on the bed and tried to breathe, but the images kept popping up in your head. The claw marks cut deep into the victims abdomen. The blood soaked into their clothes. The thought of the werewolfs sharp teeth. You tried to stop thinking about it but you couldn’t. It’s like the the thoughts were glued into your head. 

Your breathing picked up and so did your heartbeat. You felt your whole body shaking. A chill ran up your spine. You rolled off the bed and crawled into the corner, bringing your knees up to your chest. You put your head in between your knees, trying to calm yourself down. You wanted to call Dean, but you didn’t want them to know about your panic attacks. You started to cry, not silently like you usually do, loud crying, since you were alone. You sat there about forty five minutes, but it felt like hours. Sam and Dean killed the werewolf and finally got back to the motel.

Sam and Dean walked into the motel room but you were two busy crying to even notice. The boys immediately dropped their things on the floor and ran over to you. Sam placed his hands on your shoulders which startled you, causing you to scream and the sudden touch. Sam guided you to lay down on the floor. “Breathe, Y/N. Breathe. It’s alright, we’re here.” Sam said comfortingly.

You continued to shake. You opened your mouth to speak but all that came out was an unexpected loud sob.

“Hey! Y/N, it’s okay, it’s just me. What’s wrong?” Sam asked in a worried tone. You looked up to see Dean standing over you and Sam, Cas was standing in the doorway.

“I’m sorry, I’m j-just, over reacting I guess.” You said, wiping the tears from your cheeks.

“About what?” Dean asked as he kneeled down next to you.

“Um, um, the-the pictures.” You said shakily.

“Sorry, I should have put them away before we left.” Sam said with regret. He grabbed your hands and helped you stand up. He looked down and saw your wrists. Cuts. All of the scars from cutting. He looked at Dean and then back at you in disbelief.

“Y/N. Why? What is going on, how long have you been doing this to yourself?”

“You can tell us.” Dean said.

“It’s just from my past, nothing really.” You said looking down. You didn’t want them to find out like this. 

Sam guided you to sit down on the bed. “Talk to us, please.” Sam said softly. 

“I’ve had depression ever since my parents died, which was about a year ago. They died from a car crash. I was all alone, I was struggling financially and mentally, I had no one else to turn to. I would have frequent panic attacks, my life was a mess…until, you three showed up in my life.” You said. 

The boys visibly relaxed when they knew how much they had helped you. “I’m so sorry to hear that, we didn’t know. Were you planning on telling us?” Sam asked. 

You looked down in regret. You weren’t really planning on telling them, you didn’t want them to worry about you when they had all the stress from the hunts.

“I, um. I jus-.” Before you were finished, you were cut off by a heavy sigh. You knew Sam and Dean kind of figured you were going to keep it a secret. It was quiet for a minute. “Well, how about you get some sleep, think we all need some.” Dean said breaking the silence. You all agreed. “I’m gonna go, I’m sensing some awkwardness.” Cas said softly. He disappeared into the doorway. 

You continued to look down at your wrists. Seeing all of the ugly scars, regretting what you did. A tear rolled down your cheek and fell to your lap. Sam wiping away the tear with his thumb looked at you with a sad look. 

“Thank you.” You said. It was all you could think of saying at that point. He brought you into a hug. You felt safe with his strong arms wrapped around you. You felt safe with them, and you realized how amazing your life has been so far with them. You were now hoping for a good recovery, with Sam and Dean by your side, going through it all with you.