#if I want to sell a visual novel I'll probably have to pay someone else to do the art so I can focus on the writing and programming

[expressflamebunny]

This is a venting post, but I'm okay with people responding if they feel inclined.

Long story short: I'm struggling with facing the blank page and deciding what to work on. I only have myself to blame for this.

Prior to getting hyperfixated on a certain anime, I was starting to plan out a visual novel. I had some loose outlines, rough character sketches, as well as things link Pinterest boards and short Spotify playlists for the main characters. As someone who majored in English, is a web developer by trade, and has some small artistic ability, I thought this would be a good way to stretch myself. As an aside, I wasn't actually planning to try and make money off of my VN if I had succeeded in making it in part because it would be my first one, and thus wouldn't be very good, and also because my art isn't professional enough to sell IMO. I was starting to get into the habit of sitting down to work on the planning phase of it every night and was trying to get myself to shift into the writing phase. This was over a year ago.

At which point I allowed myself to get distracted from my original project idea by getting hyperfixated on a certain anime that will remain unnamed but should be obvious from my profile pic if you're familiar with it. I stopped thinking about my original work and started focusing much more on this anime along with fan fic ideas for it. My attempt to get into the habit of sitting down to do some creative work for myself daily also fell apart at this time.

Just to be clear, I don't blame that anime for this happening. The only one I have to blame for this is myself.

I want to try and get into the habit of doing some creative work on a daily basis, but I'm struggling to pick what to work on. I've completely lost momentum on my VN, but I have some fan fic ideas kicking around in my head, and then there's plenty of other abandoned original ideas of mine that I could try and return to as well.

While I do think that writing fanfic can be good writing practice and what not, I find that I'm hesitant to write it myself in part because it kind of feels like I'm neglecting my own children to fawn over the cool celebrity kids when I do. At the same time, I'm just not feeling the passion for my own original story ideas, and I do acknowledge that there are benefits to writing fanfic. I'm not used to other people looking at my work, and I think it's safe to say that it will be a lot easier to get people to read and give me feedback on a fanfic that I post than on an original work.

Anyways, I should probably be sleeping and not posting to Tumblr at the moment. This post is probably a bit incoherent due to writing it when I should be sleeping.