#if for some ungodly fucking reason you read this entire thing hiiiiiiiiiii | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

the-mighty-nappa · 8 months

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random personal ramblings below. continue at your own risk

I'm starting to realize why I haven't been able to be horny with my partners outside of the occasional teasing and joking for the past while and I have no fucking idea how to deal with it lmao..... ugh. tl;dr summary is that the more I unearth all the shit I buried before I transitioned the more I realize that what I thought was my main kink is turning out to be uuuuuugh something of a core that I can't function without. now both of my partners are into only specific aspects of it and my main one has started wearing padding when I request it if she wants to cum but like. i'm not okay with having it piecemeal, especially with my main partner (the one I would like to marry in the future) who is into exactly 1% of it and nothing else. It's also been the cause of depression starting again but I just do not know how to bring this entire topic up with her. I'm losing it and the lack of intimacy from all this has been making me feel like we're starting to drift apart, among other things.

#I don't know what the fuck to do man #this is something I wouldn't even bring up to my therapist because it just feels weird too for me #but like actual agony on a spiritual level #magic rambles #vent post #the amount of times i've cried about this in the past while is a sad amount #I do not think I can emphasis how badly I want to be in the typical AB/DL care giver role for my partners fully but #neither of them are fully into the whole thing #and it just feels like a bleeding wound that can't be stitched closed to heal #causing a numbness that's similar to the feeling of being taken by hypothermia #as you lay outside in the freezing world not caring what happens to you #and don't get me wrong #I still love my wife a whole lot but there's just a whole other side to me she'll probably never get to experience #and it's hard. I don't want to keep a whole core aspect of myself out of sight #just because she isn't into it outside of one or two things #if for some ungodly fucking reason you read this entire thing hiiiiiiiiiii

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